The Bucket List
by Naya.Fan1
Summary: (AU-ish) Brittany and Santana move to New York when they leave high school. Everthing is going great up until Santana gets ill and they both realise they have feelings for one another... (in this fic Brittana hasn't happened yet)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Watch it!" she snapped in frustration. Hints of her high school bitch seeping through the cracks that she had promised to keep closed once they left Lima. "It says fragile for a reason you know!" she'd been at this for at least two hours and couldn't wait to just curl up on the sofa and watch 'Friends' with Brittany. The noise of the New York traffic blared all around her; hazy rain soaked her clothes and hair as it poured down from the grey sky above.

"Sorry." The bulky man grunted as he hauled the brown box in through the door, and up the winding stairs to the third floor. She couldn't help but picture Coach Beiste as she watched the man lift the heavy boxes up the stairs. "Beiste would have been able to carry three of those boxes at a time." She thought to herself.

Santana couldn't believe how quick this day had come. It seemed like only yesterday she was just starting high school and now here she was outside of her apartment building, carrying boxes that could have easily been twice her weight. She slung a duffle bag over her shoulder lazily and carried it up to her new home.

A small ache began to form in her lower back from carrying boxes all afternoon but she smiled at the pain that reminded her of all the times Coach Sue would make them train for hours on end without a break, she hated to say it but she could actually say that she missed it.

The smell of freshly painted walls swamped her senses as she opened the door to piles of boxes stacked high in the living room. "Home sweet home…" she mumbled to herself. The three men that were helping to unload the van left behind her and slammed the door shut, leaving her in a comfortable silence.

She headed straight towards the kitchen area and plugged in the kettle. Her hands shook slightly from being caffeine deprived all day. She hated the cheap coffee hotels served and there was a Starbucks anywhere near their hotel so she'd done without for the past six hours.

She gazed around at her new home. Bare white walls, a single black sofa in the centre of the room, a small coffee table just in front of it and of course, the most important thing in the room, the fifty inch plasma TV that Brittany's parents had bought them as a house warming gift.

She held the steaming cup towards her face revelling in the feel of the heat against her hands and cheeks. The freezing air outside had turned her nose a bright red colour, she was glad she had come in side when she had as she looked out the window to see heavy rain and sleet fall onto passers-by. The apartment was still cold, however, so she walked over to a switch next to the front door and flicked it on, hoping it was the one for the heating. She smiled to herself when the room began to get the slightest bit warmer. "I could get used to this." She said to herself and smiled again.

She pulled out her phone and called the first contact that came up. It rang three times before Brittany answered. "Hi." She heard a voice whisper down the phone.

"Hi, why are you whispering?" she asked.

"I'm in class." She whispered again.

"Oh. Shit sorry, I forgot. Should I hang up?"

"No. Don't, we're taking a break from dancing. What did you want?"

"I was going to ask you if you wanted me to come and meet you in a cab since the weather is getting bad?" she asked slowly, not wanting to get rejected by her best friend.

"What about the apartment? I don't want to pull you away from your duties." She teased.

"Hey! I'll leave all the boxes for you to unpack if you carry on like that." She could hear Brittany giggle down the phone.

"I'm sorry." She was still giggling. "You can come and meet me in half an hour. Wait outside…"

"Brittany Pierce!" a voice interrupted their conversation. She snapped her phone shut to look up at the teacher. "What do you think you are doing?" the teacher pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose as she glared coldly at Brittany.

She flicked the blonde hair out of her face and slid her phone slowly back into her pocket. "Nothing. Sorry." She stuttered out. It was her first day at college and she was already getting into trouble. She ducked her head to avoid eye contact with her teacher and started to stretch out her muscles in her body. She could hear the quiet droning of the teacher's voice but tried as hard as she could to block that noise out.

She was so glad to be going home to Santana rather than her parents. She had nothing against her parents, really she never, but when it came to just wanting to relax and be herself, her parents weren't the ones she wanted to be around. They were the type of people that would host dinner parties every week and expect you to act like the perfect little daughter, and who thought of themselves as the perfect human beings who walked around silently judging people. To be honest, they were horrible, and come to think of it, they were a lot like Quinn's parents except Brittany's parents didn't wear those silver cross necklaces like Quinn's did - she still didn't understand what they meant - but they were her parents none the less and she loved them.

The bell echoed through the halls of the school bringing her out of her thoughts. She grabbed her things, shoved them into her bag and all but sprinted out of her class, disappearing down the corridor to meet Santana.

Santana sat in a cab just across the road from the building waiting patiently for Brittany to appear. She hadn't wanted to drive her car to pick her up partly because the building was only three blocks away but mainly because she really hadn't got the hang of navigating the streets of New York and didn't want to admit that she was slightly terrified by the whole idea of it.

She pulled out her phone ready to call and see where she was when a body slammed against the window making her lurch forward in her seat, her hands pressed hard to her chest. Her head spun round to see a mess of blond hair, a beaming smile and bright blue eyes peering back at her.

"What the hell are you doing?" she screamed as she leaned over and opened the door for her best friend to get in.

"The cab looked like it needed a hug, with the bad weather and all being so miserable..." She said with a straight face and a serious voice.

Santana grinned widely unable to hold in her happiness around the woman sitting next to her. She gave Brittany a smile that she only ever wore around the taller blonde.

"How's the apartment coming along?" Brittany asked excitement laced her words at the thought of their home.

"Piled with boxes, I unpacked a few of them and moved your boxes into your room." Brittany began to bounce up and down in her seat. "It looks pretty good so far. I can help you unpack your things if you like?"

"This is our place San! I'm so happy to be away from Lima. Seriously, that place was a dump. I'm glad we don't have to go back." Brittany threw her arms around her neck and giggled quietly. Santana tightened her grip around the blonde's waist, totally oblivious of her actions. Happiness radiated off the blonde and into Santana who immediately relaxed into the strong arms around her.

They sat like that for god knows how long before the cab driver coughed loudly braking the two apart.

"Twenty bucks love." He arched his eyebrow at Santana as she pulled out the money and passed it to him.

Brittany grabbed her hand, heaved her out of the cab and ran up the stairs, Santana in tow, the pair giggled all the way up. She burst into their apartment and nearly screamed the place down. "This. Is. Amazing!"

"You've seen it all before Britt…" Santana said in between laughs.

"I know… but this time it's ours!" she ran around in between the towers of boxes like a toddler, giggling and skipping.

"Coffee?" Santana shouted from the kitchen. Before she could even turn round to face the living room, Brittany was by her side bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Yes please!" she stretched her arms out in front of her, opening and closing her hands over and over. "Gimmie!"

"Why are you so hyper?" Santana's brows furrowed in confusion at the sight, she'd seen Brittany hyper before, hell, that's the only emotion the girl seemed to feel but for some reason Santana questioned her today.

"I have no idea! It's weird! I've been so tired all day but then when you called me I just went crazy!" she jumped up onto the counter and drank her coffee slowly and began to fill Santana in on how her day had gone. The brunette smiled inwardly at the thought of making the blonde feel so happy.

Brittany had just started her first semester at NYU on the schools dance program and so far she was enjoying every bit of it. It was tough competition considering they only accept around thirty freshmen each year but she was an unbelievably good dancer and she knew it. She loved to dance, she felt free and when she danced she could be in her own little world. Her parents never really understood why but they knew it made her happy and that's all they really wanted for their daughter.

The piles of boxes had slowly disappeared as they unpacked their things. Santana's back was throbbing with pain and Brittany had passed out on the sofa half an hour ago from the fall from the caffeine she had downed. Santana couldn't help but smile at how peaceful she looked, her lips twitched into a smile every so often and she would mumble incoherent words followed by her arm waving around randomly.

She staggered into her room to get changed into shorts and a t-shirt before she collapsed face down into her covers on her bed and let out a long groan. It had been a long day and it was beginning to show. All of her muscles ached, her brain pounded against the walls of her skull and her feet were numb.

There was a sudden knock on her door. She craned her neck to peek over her shoulder. "Someone's tired." Brittany giggled at the body collapsed on the bed. She'd pulled her hair out of her high pony tail and had let her long blonde hair cascade over her shoulders.

"Yeah… it's been a long day." She pressed her head onto her pillow.

"I know." Brittany sighed as she sat at the head of the bed next to where Santana had her arms sprawled out. She began to slowly rake her fingers through the raven hair that flowed down her back.

Santana lifted her head up to rest in her best friends lap as she felt herself slowly falling asleep. "I need to go and find a job tomorrow… we can't live off our parent's money for much longer…" she murmured. Both their parents had offered to pay for their first month in New York, as long as one or both of them started bringing in their own money by the end of the month.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No you have school, it's okay. I'll find one. Do you want me to pick up some groceries while I'm out?"

"It's okay; I'll do it on the way back from school." She stood up and walked towards the door, "I'm going to order a pizza and watch 'friends', you want to join me?" Santana felt her face go cold as the body she had been resting on disappeared.

"Hell yeah!" Santana jumped up from the bed and followed her through to the living room. The sound of rain tapping against the window could be heard from across the way, giving the room a cosy, warm feeling. She stared out of the window, the realisation of where she was and how far away from her family finally sunk in.

She couldn't have been happier. She was one hundred per cent positive she had made the right decision coming to New York with Brittany rather than go to California with her parents after her father had been offered a new job at a hospital in Oakland California. Yes, California had sun, beaches and boys but it didn't have Brittany, and that's what Santana needed more than anything. Her best friend.

"San?" Brittany asked as she placed her hand on Santana's shoulder pulling her out of her thoughts. "Are you listening? What kind of pizza do you want?" she smiled sweetly down at the brunette.

Santana stood frozen at the bolt of electricity she felt surge through her skin at the contact. She stared down at Brittany's hand like it could burn a hole in her arm. "I… I err… jalapeno…" She muttered out trying to act as normal as possible but she could feel the blush creeping up her neck. She spun on her heel and lunged for the sofa, landing flat on her stomach. "Ow…"

"What was that about?" she thought to herself. She had no idea what she had felt when Brittany had touched her arm but she pushed it to the back of her mind for another day. All she knew was that it was new and not entirely unwelcomed.

She switched on the TV that was stuck to the wall; the bright blue glow filled the room and lit up her face and casted shadows along the fabric of the sofa.

Brittany gave her a cautious look before turning towards her phone to call for the pizza. She took in a steady breath, she hoped to hell that Santana hadn't just freaked out about her touching her arm. She'd felt that weird shock as well and could see the look in Santana's face when it happened. Brittany wasn't going to deny that she hadn't liked that feeling because she did, god she liked that feeling a lot but what was it?

The pizza finally arrived; Brittany sprinted towards the sofa with the box above her head and hurled herself forward, and landed on top of Santana who let out a soft grunt as the air was pushed out of her lungs. "Jesus B, calm down!" Santana teased with a beaming smile across her face.

"First meal all day! Can't blame me for getting excited." She said in between bights of her slice. A string of cheese hung off of her chin, she grinned ridiculously wide and arched her eyebrow as she attempted to look down.

"Britt, you look like a spaz." Santana giggled and leant forward to pull it away slowly, their eyes glued to each other's as a thick tension built up in the room. Brittany drowned in the deep brown of Santana's eyes. When she finally pulled away she coughed awkwardly. They'd just shared a look that was far too intimate for either of them to be comfortable with and Santana looked around the room awkwardly.

"Should… should I err put the DVD on?" Santana stuttered out. She didn't wait for an answer, instead the crawled across the floor to where a pile of DVD's had been stacked, and put the first one in.

They'd been curled up in one corner of the sofa for the past three episodes of 'Friends' even though there was another three feet of empty sofa left, they were happy enough where they were. No one was complaining as Santana slowly fell asleep with Brittany's head on her chest drawing lazy circles on her forearm, their limbs were entwined and it would have been near impossible to figure out where one started and the other ended.

Brittany breathed in the smell of strawberries as she shuffled up closer to rest her head against Santana's shoulder, her hair was tied up into a messy bun but she could still smell the shampoo she used. Tingles ran down her spine when Santana unconsciously wrapped her arms around her waist and buried her face into the top of her head.

The shorter girl began to snore softly and Brittany tried hard to stifle her laugh, she bit down hard on the back of her hand to keep the noises locked behind her lips. Santana always denied being a snorer and would get all defensive and red when Brittany or Quinn would bring it up. If only Brittany could be bothered to pull out her phone and record it. She giggled at the thought of having proof to embarrass Santana with.

The Pizza box fell onto the floor but she didn't want to get up and put it in the bin. Instead she chose to stay where she was, warm and happy. But there was one thing bugging her, she couldn't get it out of her head. She tried so hard to push it to the back of her mind but it wanted to stay at the front and torment her.

She wanted to know what that look had meant. She knew for certain it wasn't nothing. And she definitely knew she wouldn't be getting any sleep as long as she didn't have an answer for the questions that were swarming her mind.

She just lay there in silence, listening to the sounds of Santana's breathing and the steady beating of her heart against her ear as she unknowingly fell asleep and let her thoughts turn into dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! Here's the update I hope you all like it :) just wanted to tell you all that I am from England so if there is some mistakes I'm sorry.

Please review! x

Chapter 2

Brittany squinted hard trying to find the light in the room but everything around her was pitch black. She knew she was definitely awake because when she pinched herself she felt the pain and she also knew it was morning and shouldn't be this dark because she could smell the freshly made coffee coming from the kitchen followed by muffled voices, both she recognised easily.

She could feel her heart racing in her chest… Was she blind? How would she find her way to the toilet? What if she got lost trying to find the kitchen?

"San!" she all but screamed. "I'm blind!" she kicked out her legs and swung her arms out wildly.

"Britt! Brittany! Calm down." She could hear the patters of feet against the hard would floor as Santana ran towards her. "You've got your duck blanket over your head…" Santana giggled as she reached out to pull it off of Brittany. "When I woke up this morning you looked cold so I covered you up."

Brittany could feel the blush running up the back of her neck and reaching the tips of her ears. "Oh…" she smiled shyly.

Santana sat down next to her and cupped her flushed cheek. "You're okay. I wouldn't let you get hurt. I promise." Brittany couldn't contain the wide grin that spread across her face.

"Get a room." Both girls spun round to face the person standing next to the kitchen counter.

"Shut it Q." Santana snapped giving the shorter blonde a death glare.

Quinn rolled her eyes and carried on sipping at her coffee she held in her hands. "Q's going to help me find a job while you're at school. You better hurry up and get dressed Britt it's nearly eight o'clock." Santana stood up and headed back over to the kitchen leaving Quinn and Brittany by themselves.

"So Britt, how's New York life treating you?" Quinn asked as she walked over to sit on the arm of the sofa.

Quinn had already moved out to New York with Rachel, Kurt and Blaine straight after high school had ended so she'd had enough time to get used to city life. She loved sharing an apartment with the others but when you have four drama queens living under one roof, well; let's just say Quinn's locked herself in her bathroom plenty of time to stop herself from killing anyone.

After her and Rachel had gotten together at the end of senior year, they were practically inseparable so she thought it was only right that she come with the starlet to New York.

Quinn and Blaine had gotten themselves a pretty good bar job at some quiet karaoke bar called "Vibez" near their apartment and was bringing in the cash while Kurt and Rachel were at NYADA. They loved working at the bar and getting up to sing on Wednesday nights, they loved the customers and they loved their boss. Considering it was Quinn's older cousin.

"Yes! I love it!" Brittany squeaked. "I love dancing at NYU its amazing. The classes are really hard but I've made loads of new friends."

"That's great B." Quinn smiled. She was generally happy for the girl. Nobody thought she would even graduate high school but with extra help from Santana and herself she managed it. She'll never forget the look of pride on Santana's face as Brittany was handed her diploma. "I'm glad you're enjoying it. We should organise a house warming party and invite all of Glee club."

Brittany's eyes went wide at the thought of a party and seeing all of her other friends that had either stayed in Lima or moved to different parts of the country. "That's a great idea! We can have loads of food! And… and…" the blonde began to bounce up and down with excitement, hundreds of ideas coming to mind for things for a party, too many for her mouth to keep up with so they came out as a slur of incoherent words.

Quinn giggled and pulled the taller blonde into a hug. "I've missed you B," she smiled up into her crystal blue eyes. "You're going to have to hurry up and get ready for school though or you'll be late."

Brittany sprinted towards her bedroom but stopped half way and turned round to face Quinn. "I've missed you too Q."

Santana slammed the door behind her with such a force that Quinn wouldn't have been surprised if it flew off its hinges. They walked down the bustling street in silence for about ten minutes before Santana spoke. "This is stupid Q. I'm never going to find a job here." She clenched her fists by her sides making her knuckles turn white. Quinn noticed the movement and slowly slid her hand into the brunettes, immediately calming the other girl.

"It'll be okay S. We just have to keep looking. It took Blaine and I a week before we found a job." She looked down at the Latinas hand that had turned a strange purple colour. "You cold S?" she nodded towards her fingers. Santana just nodded and shoved her hands in her pockets. She was about to ask the blonde if she wanted to go and get something to eat when something hit her.

"Hey… Q? Do you think your cousin would give me a job?" Santana asked.

"I don't know… There might be a waitressing job. We can go ask if you like? But not until we've had something to eat. I'm starving." She pulled Santana into a small café and they sat down at a table next to the window.

The waitress came over and took their orders, shortly returning with their drinks. "So, Q. How's Berry? Managed to keep yourself from killing her?" Santana snickered and smiled mischievously at Quinn.

"Rachel," Quinn emphasized on her girlfriends name, "Is fine. She's enjoying school and having her own freedom. We're missing home, but that's understandable. New York is a big change from Lima." She looked down into her drink and stirred her ice cubes with her straw. Santana noticed the sudden quietness of the other girl.

"What's up Q? Berry not putting out?" she joked nudging the blondes knee under the table.

Quinn kept quiet and bit down on her bottom lip, avoiding any eye contact with the Latina. "Oh, god I'm right!" she reached out and placed her hand on Quinn's arm. "Q, look at me…"

Quinn lifted her head slowly, her eyes glazed with a light layer of tears. She blinked furiously to make them disappear but a single tear escaped down her cheek. Santana reached over and wiped it away with the pad of her thumb. "Come on Q, talk to me. What's going on?"

Quinn took in a shaky breath before speaking. "She's always so busy, or she's got too much work to do, but when she's free she's either too tired to do anything or we're arguing. The only time I really get to see her is when she's getting into bed at god knows what time at night and getting up to go to school." Her tears were flowing freely now and she furiously wiped at her cheeks with the backs of her hand. "I'm scared I'm going to lose her San." She said quietly.

Santana hated seeing Quinn upset. The last time she'd seen her like this was when her parents had found out about Beth. She didn't want her friend upset. "Q, she loves you… no matter what, she won't leave you. If she does I'll go all Lima heights on her ass." Quinn looked up with a small smile. "Talk to her, take her out to dinner, just tell her how you feel Quinn. Anyway… it's not like you're the only one not getting any." She wrapped an arm around the blonde's shoulders and pulled her in for a hug with a frown on her face from her own confession. It's not like she didn't want to have sex, because she did, like a lot. But she just hadn't felt anything down there when she was making out with a guy lately.

"Thanks S. I won't tell anyone about you if you don't tell anyone about me? " she giggled softly as Santana nodded.

They sat in a comfortable silence as they ate their food, Quinn quietly thinking over Santana's advice and Santana thinking about the possibility of finally getting a job and being able to provide for her and Brittany.

Brittany stood in the middle of the studio with her partner, she moved gracefully to the sound of the music as the rest of the class watched on in awe. Earlier on in the lesson the new teacher she hadn't seen until that day, had stopped everyone so they could 'watch how to do it properly' her teacher had said after a couple failed to perform a lift.

Brittany never liked being the centre of attention but when it came to dancing she really didn't care because when she danced, she drifted off into her own little world. All her worries and cares disappeared and melted into nothing. It was just her and the music.

The bell rang through the school and stopped her movements. Pupils got up, gathered their things and made their way out of the corridors. Brittany was about to leave the room when she felt a soft hand on her shoulder.

"Brittany, you're all kinds of talented. Have you ever thought of going professional, or getting a career in dance?" Her teacher stood with a wide smile on her face as she looked up at the tall blonde. She was a short, ginger woman with bright emerald eyes and soft pail skin; she barely looked old enough to be out of college never mind a teacher at one.

"No… I knew I was good, but I never thought I would be good enough to go professional or anything like that." Brittany didn't want to sound vain, because she wasn't. But she could feel the blush creeping up the back of her neck.

"You are defiantly good enough to go professional Brittany," she paused to make eye contact with the blonde. "I could get you some leaflets in on studios and things like that if you like for next lesson? I could help you with some ideas?"

Brittany couldn't keep the happiness out of her voice, "Really? Thank you! Thank you!" she threw her arms around her teacher. People had told her she could be overly touchy feely but she couldn't help it, when she got happy that's all she could think to do. Her teacher patted her softly on the back and chuckled into her shoulder. "This means so much to me." her teacher nodded and let Brittany leave.

She sprinted down the corridor as fast as she could, racing towards the front of school to catch a cab. She sighed at the sight of the busy street; it would take her even longer to get home now. She bounced up and down in her seat every time the cab would stop.

"Hey there Quinn, what can I do for my favourite cousin?" a tall, well-built, blonde man walked over to the two girls sitting at the bar, he had the same hazel coloured eyes as Quinn but his skin was slightly tanned with a warn look.

"I'm your only cousin." Quinn replied flatly. "I was wondering if you had any extra jobs going. My friend has just moved out here and needs one to pay her rent." She tugged at Santana's blazer to pull her closer so her cousin knew who she was talking about.

"I think we could do with the extra bar staff actually. You're just in luck." He smiled down at the shy looking brunette. "Do you know how to work a beer tap?" Santana nodded, it couldn't be that hard right?

Quinn's cousin led the girls up to the bar and showed Santana the different drinks and fridges under the bar. He showed her how to make some shots and cocktails and got her to copy him. When he saw how well she picked up on it he smiled down at her, "If you want it, the jobs yours."

Santana couldn't keep the smile off her face as she nodded eagerly. "Yes! Thank you!" without thinking about it she threw her arms around the taller man and squeezed. They'd spent the whole day looking for jobs and finally, eight interviews later, she'd finally got one.

Quinn cleared her throat to get their attention. Santana pulled away awkwardly and took three steps back. "You can start tomorrow night if you like? I can get Quinn to show you everything else." The blonde nodded smiling at her friend.

"Thanks boss." Santana smiled up at the man with an excited grin.

"Call me Mark." Quinn's cousin extended his hand out for Santana to shake which she did without a second thought.

Brittany charged up the stairs to their apartment. She couldn't wait to tell Santana about her news. The door swung open and clattered into the wall. "Oops." She flinched at the noise. "San!" she shouted but there was no reply, her brows furrowed in confusion, she should have been back by now. She wandered around the apartment looking for the girl but she couldn't find her. "She must still be looking for a job…" she sighed and walked into the kitchen to make herself some coffee.

"I have to tell Britt!" Santana squealed as she clambered out of the cab. When she realised the blonde wasn't following her she turned round to face her. "Coming Q?"

"Can't, have to go and talk to Rach." She smiled softly up at the Latina letting her know what she was going to do.

"Thank you for the help Q. Good luck." She leant back down and hugged the blonde.

She spun around on her heals and hurled her way up the stairs and almost threw the door off its hinges. The first thing she noticed was the blonde standing in the middle of the room, walking slowly towards her with a startled look on her face.

She didn't need to think twice. She threw herself at the blonde, her arms wrapped around her neck and her legs around her waist. "B! I got a job! I got a fucking job Britt!" tears began to drop from the Latinas eyes, she was so proud of herself.

"San, that's amazing," she kissed Santana's cheek without thinking but pulled away when she realised what she was doing, I violent flush spread across her face at the electrical buzz she got from touching Santana. "I'm proud of you." Brittany spun her around until she began to feel dizzy and set Santana down on the kitchen worktop and climbed up next to her.

"Thanks B."

"I have some news of my own as well actually…" she paused while she poured Santana some coffee and handed it over. "I was about to leave school today when my teacher stopped me… she told me I was good enough to get a job in dancing or go professional and that she would bring in some leaflets next lesson to help me decide if it's what I want!"

Santana jumped down of the worktop and set her cup down slowly and steadily, her face calm. That was until she turned round to face the blonde. A huge smile that went all the way up to her eyes, formed on her face as she grabbed the blonde's hands and began to jump up and down on the spot screaming.

"Britt! That's… That's… oh my god Britt!" she couldn't find words to describe how amazing that was but she hoped her actions explained it. She threw her arms around the blonde's neck while they jumped and screamed around the apartment. Santana walked over to her iPod and plugged it into her speakers, music blared around the apartment.

Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and spun her round as they danced their way around the room, laughing and crying hysterically. Everything was going so well, Santana felt like nothing could ruin how amazing she felt right now.

Of course, she was wrong. The room began to spin and Santana couldn't focus on anything without it moving from side to side. She clenched her eyes shut tightly but when she opened them nothing changed. "Are you okay San?" Brittany asked worriedly.

"Yeah Britt, I'm fine. Just need a drink I think…" her words were slurred like she'd been drinking alcohol, but she'd only had a Sprite the entire day. She went to walk over to the kitchen but swayed heavily before collapsing onto Brittany, everything going black followed by silence…


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys! here's the next chapter:) so i've had a few questions about weather Santana will die at the end of this story and to be honest... i'm not sure yet. i say this because i was concidering but then i think that Brittany wouldnt be able to cope without her but if you have any ideas please feel free to inbox me:)

please review!

follow me on twitter, naya_fan1

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Chapter 3

Santana's head was resting in Brittany's lap as she held a cool flannel to the girls head, her eyes still closed, cheeks flushed and a slightly irregular heartbeat. Quinn and Rachel sat opposite, both wearing a worried look as they gripped at each other's hands. "She must be dehydrated B, she'll be okay in a minute or so…" Quinn said trying to convince herself more than the others. "She only had a Sprite the whole day, if we give her some water when she wakes up she'll be fine." She kept repeating, "She'll be okay," over and over as the panic began to rise within her.

When Santana had collapsed less than ten minutes ago, Brittany had no idea what to do. She ran for her phone but instead of calling 911, she called Quinn.

Quinn had told her to keep calm, that she was on her way over and that there was no need to call for an ambulance because it would take too long to get there with the busy streets of New York and that by the time it would arrive Santana would already be awake.

So they sat and waited, praying to god that the Latina would wake up soon. Brittany slowly raked her finger through Santana's hair like she had done the night before and hummed a random tune loud enough for only Santana to hear – if she was awake...

Suddenly, Santana's eyes flickered and a small whimper left her lips. All three girls jumped at the noise, Quinn and Rachel ran over to the sofa with a bottle of water in each hand holding it out for Santana to take.

Santana had no idea what was going on… She remembered dancing with Brittany and then everything going dark… "Oh god." She mumbled as she pulled herself up into a sitting position in Brittany's lap. There was a weird aching feeling in her chest but as quick as it came, it was gone. She swayed slightly but Brittany had her arms wrapped firmly around her waist and pulled her closer to her body before she could fall onto the floor.

She scanned her eyes around the faces in the room and landed on the bottle of water in Rachel's hand. "Hand it over man hands."

Quinn scowled at Santana. "Don't call her that Santana."

"It's okay baby, at least we know she's ok." Rachel smiled at the blonde next to her and planted a kiss on her cheek. Quinn smiled lovingly at Rachel before whispering into the brunette's ear. Rachel's eyes went wide and she bit down lightly on her bottom lip. "Well we can see you're fine Santana, Me and Quinn will be off now…" Before anyone could answer, the blonde was being dragged across the apartment giggling like a three year old.

"That's my girl Q!" Santana shouted after the couple - in a very slurred and almost unrecognisable voice - as the door slammed and an unusual silence fell.

"You scared me San…" Brittany whispered innocently after a couple of minutes had passed. Santana could feel her heart breaking at the thought of upsetting the blonde. She ducked her head to rest it under the blondes chin as she downed her bottle of water. She felt small bolts of electricity shooting through her body at the position they were sat in but pushed the feelings and thoughts that came with it to the back of her mind, not wanting to ruin the peaceful moment they were in.

"I'm sorry Britt… I didn't mean to. I should have drunk more." She wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist. "I'm just dehydrated."

"How are you feeling?"

"A little better, my hearts beating like a bitch though, probably with all the excitement. I should probably head off to bed." Santana stated as she began to pull herself up off the sofa. The room began to spin again and she struggled to keep her feet firmly on the ground. Just as she was about to fall, she felt strong arms wrap around her back and behind her knees as she was swooped up into Brittany's arms. "Britt! What're you doing? Put me down!" Santana shouted half-heartedly, she felt a weird sort of comfort in the blonde's arms that she had never felt before. The feeling made her giggle as a smile plastered across her face.

"Calm down. You wouldn't make it ten feet by yourself San." Brittany giggled as she pushed the Latina's bedroom door open with her foot and sat her down on the bed. "You really need to start unpacking your clothes, how can you find anything in here?" Brittany asked as she opened one of the boxes looking for a pair of shorts and a t-shirt for Santana.

"I'll do it tomorrow B, anyway I needz my sleep." She said pulling off her shirt and leggings, Brittany spun around to face the wall as a familiar heat began to form in the pit of her stomach. But however familiar that feeling was, the cause of the feeling was completely new and unknown.

Santana looked down at her hands as she pulled on her t-shirt. Her eyes widened when she took in the sight of her fingers, they'd turned that deep purple colour they had earlier that day, but this time she wasn't even cold. In fact she was very hot, almost sweating. Her fingers felt slightly numb so she clenched and unclenched them by her sides.

Santana looked up to see Brittany still facing the wall and smiled at how cute she looked. "You can turn round now Britt."

Brittany turned round slowly with her eyes tightly shut and her hands covering her face. Santana couldn't contain her laughter as she walked over to the blonde; she wrapped her hands around her wrists and pulled her hands away from her face. "Britt. I'm dressed you can open your eyes." Brittany reluctantly opened her eyes, wary of what she would see. "Jeez Britt, what's gotten into you?" Santana teased.

Brittany sighed and watched as Santana climbed into her bed. "I really don't know…" she whispered to herself. She felt a sudden ache in her gut, a mixture of confusion and anxiousness bubbling inside of her.

Santana switched her bedside lamp off and the room was engulfed into darkness. She pulled the covers up to her chin and closed her eyes; she waited a couple of seconds for the blonde to leave the room. "Good night Britt." She mumbled sleepily and tried to stifle a yawn.

There was no reply so she assumed the blonde had already left the room or she had fallen asleep where she had left her standing – it wouldn't be the first time that had happened – she was ready to get out of bed and wake up the blond but then she felt the space next to her on the bed sink down as Brittany climbed in. Santana froze. The bed covers lifted up and a flood of air came crashing against her bare legs and arms. Brittany's arm snaked its way around her waist and she buried her face into the back of the Latina's hair, inhaling the smell of strawberries.

Santana had no idea what to do. She shivered as tingles ran down her spine at the thought of the blonde being this close to her. She didn't understand what was going on, her and Brittany had been friends since they were six. They'd shared beds before, and they'd even seen each other naked. So why was she getting all these weird feelings?

Brittany felt Santana shiver and took it as a sign she was cold, she tightened her grip around her waist and pulled her in closer, their legs interlocked.

Santana sighed at the feeling of being this close. She lifted her arm slowly and placed her hand over the blonde's and laced their fingers together, slowly drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

"Good night San." Brittany whispered…

The walls of the bar were a bright purple and pink, multi-coloured lights decorated the ceiling and loud music filled the room. People were up and dancing as Mark set up the microphone for karaoke.

Santana passed a scotch on the rocks to the mop haired man with a frown. He'd been buying drinks off her all night and it was pretty obvious he was trying to get in her pants. Her brows furrowed at the thought. "Never going to happen." She thought to herself a small grimace forming on her face.

"So when do you get off?" he leant forward with a raised eyebrow as he looked Santana up and down, his eyes stopped at her cleavage and his breath stinking of alcohol.

"Go to hell you pervert." She snarled viciously, a group of women sitting further down the bar looked up shocked but giggled at the man being rejected so viciously.

She rolled her eyes at the man when he looked at her with a shocked expression. She shrugged her shoulders and turned to take the women's orders.

"She must be a fucking dyke." He grumbled as he trudged off towards another table near the back end of the bar.

Santana stood frozen in her spot. What did he just call her? She didn't know whether to be angry or break down into a fit of tears, she wasn't… she wasn't a…

"Shit…" The weird feelings, the awkward looks between her and Brittany and her not sleeping with a man since junior year…

Her breathing increased rapidly and she could feel her heart pounding hard against her chest. With every beat came a shot of pain and she stumbled back towards a stool clutching her chest hard as she gulped in ragged breaths. The room began to spin, all the bright colours swirled together, and everything else seemed to be even more disorientating.

It was her first shift working at the bar and things had already started to go wrong. She looked up to the clock and noticed she only had five minutes left until the end of her shift.

She clutched the counter, pulled herself up and stumbled towards Blaine who was serving a blonde haired woman. He turned to face her with a worried look. "Santana, what's wrong? Are you okay?" he grabbed her shoulders just as she was about to collapse and led her into the back room where Quinn was sitting, completely lost in a book. She looked up with the same amount of worry on her face as Blaine had.

"I think…" Santana paused and gasped for breath, "I need to lie down…" she collapsed down onto the sofa next to Quinn.

"What's wrong sweetie?" Quinn placed her hand on Santana's forehead to feel it scorching hot.

"A creep called me a dyke…" she paused again. "I'm not a dyke Q, I'm not." She said defensively almost sounding terrified of the very idea of it.

Quinn didn't take it any offence but for some reason she felt uncomfortable by the idea of asking the Latina anymore. Quinn had noticed a change in her best friend's behaviour ever since junior year. She had seen the way she looked at Brittany last night.

Another shot of pain seared through her chest and she cried out in pain. Her hand clutched at the fabric of her top. She clenched her eyes shut to stop tears from falling.

"Quinn…" she moaned out between gasps. The pain wouldn't go away but at least the room had stopped spinning.

"Okay S, come on let's take you home to B."

Santana wanted to protest, that she couldn't be around Brittany right now but really, she wanted to be with the other blonde, more than anything. She knew she would calm her down.

"Home to B…" she muttered.

The pain in her chest had died down to a slight ache but was slowly disappearing as the minutes past and her breathing had calmed drastically. Her head lay limply on Quinn's shoulder as the cab wound its way through the streets of New York and stopped outside of her apartment. She gripped Quinn's hand tight as she helped her out the cab. Her legs shook and wobbled as she tried to climb the stairs.

"San, should I call a doctor or something?" Santana didn't answer. The blonde frowned and stopped them both just outside the door to her home. "S, tell me what's really going on. People have said worse to you and you usually just kick their butts. He must have said something else for you to have a panic attack like that… if that even was a panic attack."

Santana turned to face the blonde, her eyes flooding with unshed tears. She flung her arms around her neck and let the tears fall. Quinn could feel the warm liquid seep through the fabric of her top and onto her skin. She held Santana close and let her cry, not wanting to push the brunette into talking about something she may be uncomfortable with.

Brittany walked out of the studio carrying a folder full of leaflets that her teacher had given her. "I hope this has been some help for your future decisions." Her teacher placed her hand on Brittany's upper arm. She looked down and looked at the hand awkwardly.

"Err… yes thank you." She stuttered out, she didn't want to feel uncomfortable with her teacher touching her like that. She clutched the folder to her chest, suddenly feeling exposed.

"Good, I'm glad I could help you Brittany." She took a step closer to the blonde and looked deeply into her eyes.

Brittany could feel her teacher breathe on her neck, she tried to step back but the wall stopped her. She felt so uncomfortable she thought she would explode. "I should… go."

Her teacher sighed with a pout, taking yet another step closer to the blonde. Brittany couldn't believe what was happening. "Do you have to?" she batted her eyelashes up at the blonde. Images of all the times Santana had done that to the blonde to get her own way flashed through her mind. She bit down on her lip, trying not to smile at the memories.

She shook her head and tried to concentrate on what was going on.

Brittany had nothing against gay people. Until now she hadn't really considered the possibility of being gay. But she knew one thing for sure; she was one hundred per cent positive that she was not attracted to the woman standing in front of her.

"Yes I have to go…" Brittany stuttered out as her teacher pressed her full front against hers. Her breath hitched in her lungs as she grabbed out at the wall trying to reach for something she could use to pull herself away from her teacher. She knew if this happened to be a certain brunette acting like this she would have been weak at the knees and probably would have collapsed to the floor with arousal. But it wasn't and that made her sad.

"Come on Britt you know you want to…" she whispered seductively into her ear. She trailed a finger down Brittany's neck, her collar bone and just as she was about to duck into her top, Brittany pushed away.

"Stop." That's all she could say before she turned and hurried down the corridor. When she knew she was out of sight, she collapsed down against a wall and let out a heart breaking sob. She balled up her fists and pressed them against her eyes hard. She felt guilt building up in the pit of her stomach, she felt as though she had just cheated when really, she hadn't let anything happen with her teacher and more importantly, she wasn't even dating Santana. So why was she feeling like this?

Santana and Quinn sat on the sofa, both holding huge mugs of coffee and facing each other. "Then Blaine took me through to the back room…" Santana finished her answer to Quinn's question. Her face was itchy with the dried tears that she hadn't bothered to wipe off of her face, black mascara was smeared across her cheeks and her nose was red and blocked up.

"So you're telling me…" Quinn paused as she tried to think of the right way to word what she wanted to say without scaring the Latina. "That you may have feelings for Brittany?"

Santana flinched at her words. They stung when she heard them out loud like that. But never the less, she nodded meekly. Her head slumped forward and she let out a quiet sob.

"Come here sweetie…" Quinn set both their cups down and pulled Santana into her lap. She curled up and let the tears fall.

"Am I gay?" Santana's voice was almost inaudible as she whispered her question. Quinn had to hold back her tears at how helpless her best friend sounded. Santana was meant to be the strong one…

"Well from how it sounded you've only really had these feelings for Britt, but then again from the way you acted with that guy in the bar and not having sex with anyone for so long, I'm not too sure San…" she paused as Santana looked up to meet her eyes. "Would it be so bad if you were though?"

"Quinn! My parents would kill me. Not just scream at me and kick me out on the streets." Quinn flinched at what Santana was implying but tried not to lose her temper. "They would actually kill me." Quinn knew she didn't mean to sound so cold, she was just realising something that could change the rest of her life.

"Okay… shush" Quinn cooed and pulled Santana's head against her chest. "Everything is going to be okay. I promise."

Brittany climbed slowly up the stairs towards the apartment, her limbs felt heavy and sore. She wondered if her eyes were blood shot from crying, she could feel the itchy feeling behind her lids and pressed her forefinger and thumbs into her eyes and groaned.

The door clicked open and she stepped into her apartment. She immediately smiled and relaxed. "Honey I'm ho-" she wasn't given the chance to finish when Santana threw herself at the blonde. She could feel tears in the crook of her neck and gripped at Santana tighter. "San?" Brittany began to panic. "What's wrong?" She felt Santana shake her head 'no' and decided not to push the girl. If she wanted to talk about it, she would, in time. Brittany raked her fingers through dark hair and carried Santana over a stool next to the kitchen counter.

Brittany turned to face Quinn who was leaning against the back of the sofa staring at them intently. She gave her a look that said. "What the fuck is going on? But thank you for looking after her." Quinn just shrugged and picked up her things.

She smiled politely at the two girls. "I'll be off then… Call me if you need anything." She whispered to Brittany and patted her hand on her shoulder. "Everything will be okay San." And with that, she left.

"What happened San? Come on you're really scaring me." Brittany tucked a stray piece of hair behind the Latina's ear and pulled her face up to look into her puffy, red eyes.

"Just a jackass… at the bar was being a dick…" Santana stuttered out in between gasps of breath.

Brittany knew that wasn't all that happened. Santana never let anything people said affect her, she would lash out or kick their ass, but she has never cried over something like this. Her walls usually protected her. But sometimes those walls become too weak and eventually crumble down until you can rebuild them. And that was exactly what Santana was doing now. She was slowly rebuilding them, brick by brick in the blonde's arms.

"Okay…" Brittany pulled her closer and held her quivering body against hers. Santana wanted to feel uncomfortable in her best friend's embrace, but she couldn't, she wouldn't. She squeezed her arms tighter and breathed in deeply, the blondes sent swamping her mind. She could feel the sticky sweat on the blonde's shirt from all the dancing she had done that day, but her body was warm and that's what she loved about her. Santana felt safe in Brittany's arms.

Brittany picked the shorter girl up in her arms and carried her to her room; she walked slowly, her limbs still felt like they weighed a ton. When she reached Santana's room she noticed that the girl had finally unpacked. She set the girl down on her bed and pulled the girls shirt off over head and then helped her out of her jeans. She ignored the nagging urge to reach out and touch or kiss the girl. Oh god she wanted to so bad.

Santana gasped at Brittany's touch, wanting her hands to linger longer on her skin. She wanted her to touch her everywhere. Kiss her everywhere.

She frowned when Brittany pulled her shirt on over her head and held out some sweats for her to stand in. She held Brittany's shoulder for balance before collapsing back down onto her bed. The cool quilt felt amazing against her skin. "I know what else would feel amazing as well…" she shook her head furiously at the thought and closed her eyes; she waited for the bed to dip next to her and for Brittany to climb in.

Her eyes shot open when she heard her bedroom door close behind the blonde. The room was left silent apart from the sound of Santana's breathing. Sadness engulfed the brunette; she had been left alone with only her thoughts for company. "She didn't even say goodnight."

Just as the thought crossed her mind, her phone buzzed on her nightstand and lit up the entire room with a blue glare.

**Good night San sleep tight. Everything will be okay in the morning. :) X **

A beaming smile covered her face as she quickly typed out a reply and closed her eyes to go to sleep. She knew what Brittany said wasn't true. In fact, she knew fine well that everything could be worse but she was happy that she was trying to make her feel better.

**Thank you for being such an amazing friend. Good night my Britt-Britt 3**

"My Britt-Britt…" the blonde mumbled to herself with a smile plastered across her face.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys I'm back! Great news gay marriage legalised in in England! I'm so happy :) well here's the next chapter… I hope you all enjoy it and please review, next update should be sometime later this week. And please, inbox me with suggestions or ideas!

Chapter 4

For the first time in her life, Brittany didn't want to go to school. No, she did want to go to school… she just didn't want to go to lessons. How could she after what had happened with her teacher?

Brittany had stayed up most of the night thinking up ways she could get out of school and so far the best idea she had come up with was to borrow a nuclear bomb and blow up the school… the only problem with that was she would have to buy a launcher to go with it.

She buried her head further into her pillows and groaned out her frustration. She could just pretend to be sick right? Or would that be too obvious she was trying to avoid her teacher?

Never the less, she pulled out her phone and called the school to tell them that she wouldn't be attending lessons today.

Santana lay in bed, completely still and stared up at her ceiling. Her hands were locked behind her head and had been for about the past three hours she had been awake.

A single tear streamed down the side of her face.

She thought back to last night events, her realisation and what had happened in the bar. Santana was stupid, after all her father was a doctor. She knew something was wrong with her, why would she be having all these pains and passing out? But she knew she was perfectly healthy. She ate well, she went to the gym, and she didn't drink as much as she used to after the assignment in glee club and alcohol awareness assembly.

She promised herself that she would go to the doctors if anything else happened.

Her mind wandered off to what Quinn and her had been talking about. Was she really gay? Could that be possible? She'd dated guys all of her life, people don't just decide one morning to be gay do they? She closed her eyes tight and tried to forget about everything. All of her thoughts were beginning to hurt her insides.

Brittany stood over the stove. She knew she shouldn't, whenever she tried to cook it always ended badly. But she knew when Santana woke up she would want food after the night she'd had.

She had just got off the phone with Quinn. Brittany was pissed that she wouldn't tell her what had happened to make Santana so upset but Quinn had told her about the panic attack and that she would need some looking after. "Good job I decided to stay off…"

Santana's bedroom door clicked open and Brittany spun round holding a smoking frying pan in her hands. "Oops…" she muttered when she realised she had burned everything again.

"Britt? What are you doing? Why aren't you at school?" Santana rushed over to take the pan from Brittany and threw the contents into the trash.

"I didn't feel like going in today," she said honestly. Santana always knew when she was lying. "And I wanted to make sure you were okay, so I decided to make you breakfast but then I burnt it all. I'm so sorry San." Brittany burst into a fit of tears. She didn't even know why she was crying. Maybe it was everything that had happened last night at school or the fact that something happened with Santana but she wouldn't tell her what.

Santana stood frozen in her spot. What had just happened? She wanted to hug Brittany and make everything ok. But she couldn't move. She still didn't know how she felt about the whole realisation of her feelings.

Then, she looked up at the blonde. Tears streamed down her face and her bottom lip was quivering. Why was she being so stupid about touching her? This is her best friend! Nothing would ever change that.

She threw her arms around the blonde's neck and pulled her down into a tight hug. "Britt, what's wrong?"

"I don't know San. I ruined your breakfast…" she paused and gasped for breath. "I want to be able to make you feel better but no one will tell me what happened last night so I can't." she pulled her hands away from her eyes and looked down into pools of chocolate eyes.

"Oh Britt..." Santana sighed as she pulled the blonde to a stool and sat her down. "You don't have to make me breakfast. And you know you just being here to hug me will always make me feel better." She sat down gently on Brittany's lap and hugged her to prove her point.

Santana could feel her mind screaming at her to stop what she was doing and get the fuck up before she did something stupid, but she ignored it. Brittany was her best friend.

"I know San… but that doesn't stop me from worrying." Brittany buried her face into Santana's neck as a fresh wave of tears began to fall.

"You don't need to worry about me Britt. I'm a big girl." Santana squeezed the blonde tighter before standing up and heading over to restart breakfast. She turned round to face the blonde, her eyes were still watering and her face was red and puffy. She gave in, "Okay I'll tell you." Obviously she wasn't going to tell her what he had said because then she would have to tell her about her feelings… she shook her head. No, she couldn't tell her how she felt. "There was this freak at the bar kept flirting with me, and then when I told him to get lost he said something that really got to me."

Brittany was staring up at the blonde with curiosity. If she wanted to know what the guy had said she wasn't asking. She clearly knew that Santana didn't want to think about it.

"Then I must have started to have a panic attack or something because the next thing I know I'm sitting with Quinn and I have this really horrible pain in my chest." She held her hand to where she had felt the pain and carried on talking. "Then Quinn brought me home but when you walked in I just wanted to hug you and cry because you make me feel better, you know?"

Santana looked down at her hands playing in her lap. She couldn't make eyes contact with Brittany; she knew if she did she would start crying.

Brittany reached over and placed her hand over to Santana's. "I'm always here to make you feel better, San."

"Yeah, well it's not going to happen again 'coz I'll go all Lima Heights on his sorry ass." She muttered.

"The walls are back up…" Brittany thought to herself. "I'm going to go and take a shower." Brittany stood up and wandered off to her bathroom as Santana began to cook even though she wasn't hungry at all.

They had both curled up on either end of the sofa as the theme tune to 'Friends' played from the TV. A half-eaten bacon sandwich sat on a plate on the coffee table. They hadn't spoken to each other since breakfast. It wasn't like they were ignoring each other or anything, it was a comfortable silence.

Brittany wanted this day to be as long as possible because she knew she was going to have to go to school and face her teacher in the morning. She couldn't stay of for the rest of her life. She could move schools but that would be stupid considering all the effort she had put in to get into this school.

She had thought about telling Santana about what had happened but she didn't want to give her anything else to worry about.

Brittany could feel Santana's eyes on her, focusing on every inch of her body. She turned to face the brunette with a small smile on her face. Santana quickly diverted her eyes, a bright red flush climbing up her face.

"What?" Brittany giggled.

"Nothing… you just looked like you were thinking about something important." Santana knew for a fact it was important. She only ever frowned or scowled when she was thinking about something important or something was bothering her.

"Oh, it's nothing." Brittany turned back to face the TV. She knew if she made eye contact with the Latina she would know she was lying.

"Britt, don't lie to me. What is it?"

"Busted"

Santana shuffled up the sofa so their knees were touching. Brittany looked anywhere around the room but Santana's eyes, she fiddled with her hands in her lips and at one point Santana swore she started to whistle.

"Britt." Santana said more forcefully but kept her voice calm and soft to let Brittany know she wouldn't be mad whatever it was.

Brittany finally dragged her eyes away from the window on the other side of the room and met Santana's chocolate orbs. She could feel her heart melt just by looking at her.

"Last night, when I stayed behind at school with my teacher she tried to make a pass at me…" Santana's heart stopped, her mouth went dry and she could feel her heat begin to race in her chest. She didn't know if there was any pain with her heart beats because her whole body went numb.

"Britt… what do you mean?" she knew fine well what the blonde meant.

"She tried to kiss me, and if I had let her I doubt that's all she would have tried. But I never, I pushed her away. San, I didn't let anything happen." Brittany's voice was shaking and almost too quiet to understand.

Santana hadn't realised she was clutching Brittany's thigh until the blonde moved her leg nervously. Santana pulled away and stood up. She walked straight for the kitchen and started to wash the dishes. Her whole body was stiff.

"Santana? What are you doing?" Brittany walked up behind her, inches away from her back.

"I'm cleaning, Britt." Santana's voice was cold and harsh.

"Why?"

"Because I know if I don't keep myself busy, I will drive to that school and kick the shit out of her! She's your teacher Britt!" Santana's voice was getting louder by the second and her whole body was shaking as the anger she felt raged through her.

Brittany couldn't say anything, she knew Santana would be angry but she never thought she be this angry. She was furious.

Santana splashed the water and slammed dishes around, she knew she needed to calm down, Brittany had pushed her off it's not like she cheated on her or anything. She wasn't even dating Brittany!

"San… Calm down please." Brittany whispered into her ear. She was so close; Santana could feel her warm breath against her face. She closed her eyes and revelled in the feelings that were overwhelming her body.

She suddenly flinched and stepped back. She couldn't be feeling like this. It wasn't right, she wasn't gay.

Brittany was startled by the sudden movement and took a step back.

"I... I have to go to work." Santana said as she picked up her bag and ran to the door. It slammed loudly behind her. Brittany had no idea what had just happened…

Santana hadn't lied about going to work. She was doing an afternoon shift but she was going to make a few stops on the way.

She jumped into her car and pulled out of the garages behind her building. She completely forgot about her fear of driving on the streets of New York and pulled out onto the road.

She clumsily yanked her phone out of her pocket and hit 'call'. She didn't wait for the other person to say "hello" before she started talking. "Get ready. I'm coming to pick you up." She knew she shouldn't be acting like this but she and all of her friends knew how defensive she was of Brittany.

Brittany sat in complete silence as Blaine passed her a coffee. She had called him just after Santana left; she needed someone to talk to. She needed to tell someone about how she had been feeling.

"I've never really thought about the possibility of even being gay…" Brittany whispered.

"It's okay Britt. I won't judge you." He placed his hand on her thigh and looked up into her eyes. "It's okay to feel like this. You might not even be gay? It could be a faze or anything or you might just be gay for San?" he joked earning a smile from the blonde.

"I don't know Blaine… it feels like it's always been there, you know? It's just taken me years to finally find it. I feel like it's been covered up for so long and I can finally breathe now I know…" Blaine smiled knowing exactly how the blonde felt.

He pulled her into a strong hug and rocked her slowly back and forth to calm her down. "Everything will be fine Britt."

"Thanks for coming round Blaine. I hope I didn't drag you from something important. I just really needed to let off some steam."

"It's fine Britt. I'm here if you need to talk to me about anything else." He said honestly.

Santana raced around the school to find a space to park with a screaming blonde hanging onto her seat for dear life. Santana hadn't said a word to Quinn about what they were doing or where they were going.

Her knuckles had turned white from gripping the wheel so tight, her eyes were like daggers and her whole body was stiff as the rage carried on pumping around her body. She knew what she was doing was wrong, she could probably get arrested but that's why she had Quinn here to pull her off if something went wrong.

She swerved and spun into a parking spot; she hurled herself out of the car and began to run across the street without even checking if it was safe to go. "Santana! You're going to get yourself killed!" Santana ignored Quinn and carried on walking. "What the hell are you doing?!" Quinn shouted when she finally caught up to the brunette.

"Just follow me and shut up." Santana snapped. Quinn was used to Santana snapping like that but she couldn't help but feel a little shocked.

Santana stopped outside of the main door as a flood of people charged out as the final bell of the day rang through the school. She jumped up to look over the crowds but couldn't see anything. She pushed her way past everyone, Quinn grabbing at the back of her jacket so she wouldn't lose the other girl in the mass of bodies.

When they reached the back of the crowd Santana stopped and looked left and right trying to figure out which way to go next. Quinn grabbed both of Santana's shoulders and spun her round to face her.

"What the fuck is going on? And why are we in Brittany's school? You could just wait for her to get home you know!"

"She didn't come to school today." Santana snapped again. "And we are here because I'm going to kick the shit out of her dance teacher for making a pass at Britt!" Santana charged off down the corridor in the direction she assumed the dance studios would be. NYU had a pretty big campus but she was confident she would be able to find the right place. She knew exactly who she was looking for; Brittany had explained well enough what her teacher looked like.

"Santana! Stop!" Quinn didn't know how to stop the angry Latina and she almost felt sorry for the person on the other end of her anger. Almost. She could feel her own anger boiling at the thought of someone making a pass at an innocent Brittany.

Santana screeched to a halt when she noticed a flash of ginger hair in a floor to ceiling mirror. She stormed into in the room, the woman spun round at the unknown woman invading her space. "Are you the dance teacher here?" The ginger woman nodded warily. "Do you know Brittany Peirce?" she nodded again but this time with a sparkle in her eye and a smile on her face.

That's all Santana needed to know before she lunged for the woman. They slid across the floor in a mess of limbs, the other woman whimpered in shock. Santana's fist pounded over and over into the taller woman's stomach. Brittany's teacher grabbed Santana's hair and flipped their bodies.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" The teacher screamed. Quinn stood on the other side of the room; she had no idea what she could do to stop the fight. Her eyes were wide and doe eyed.

"You made a pass at her!" Santana screamed as she flipped their bodies again and bringing her fist up to the other woman's face. Blood splattered across the wooden floor from her nose.

"What's that got to do with you?" her words were slurred and stuttered. Santana's vision went red and she brought her had down to meet the woman's slamming their skulls together hard. Her vision blurred for a moment and she could feel the familiar pain in her chest.

They both screamed out in pain but then Santana felt a fist knock the side of her face and she went flying across the floor. The other woman had somehow managed to bring her fist up and punch her in her eye. Quinn ran over and helped Santana up to her feet. She grabbed her arms and held her away from the other woman. "Stay away from Brittany!" Quinn shouted before pulling a reluctant Santana roughly out of the school. She clutched her chest hard and leaned against Quinn.

Blaine and Brittany walked into the bar of crowded people. He'd asked Brittany if she wanted to see where Santana, Quinn and he worked and she was all too eager to see.

They walked up to the bar and ordered their drinks. "Where are Q and San?" Blaine asked the small black haired woman behind the bar. She lifted her hand and pointed to the back room. Brittany was surprised she could hear him over the pounding music.

"I wouldn't go back their though, things are all kinds of messy." She whispered in a warning voice and shook her head.

Brittany looked to Blaine in confusing before the pair of them hurried through the door. Brittany began to panic as hundreds of images of Santana passed through her mind.

They burst through the door just as Quinn was lifting and ice pack to Santana's swollen eye. Brittany's mouth dropped. "What the fuck happened?" she shouted.

Santana looked at Brittany doe eyed, mostly because she never swore but also because she felt like she was about to be screamed at. She wasn't looking forward to telling Brittany what had just happened.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey! Here's chapter 5, I hope you all like it. I just wanted to say that all the medical information I get is through Google because I really know nothing about this kind of stuff, so I'm really sorry if there are any mistakes. If you have any information about the stuff you read please inbox me!

And thank you to Perhaps Glee you really helped ;)

Please review!

Chapter 5

"I said, what the fuck happened?" Brittany screamed again when no one answered her. She could feel her heat beat elevate and a light sheen of sweat form along her brow.

Quinn stepped away from Santana slowly, trying not to draw any attention to herself, and walked over to pull Blaine out of the room who had been standing in silence with a gaping jaw, leaving the two girls alone to talk it out – not that there would be much talking though.

"Britt…" Santana mumbled out but she couldn't say anything else. She stumbled back to the sofa and sat down to catch her breath, she looked down at her hand in her lap, not wanting to make eye contact and saw that her hands had changed colour again, that alone was enough to get her panicking. She needed to calm her heart rate.

Brittany didn't move; she was too busy looking at Santana's quickly swelling eye and messy hair. She knew the girl had obviously been in a fight but she didn't want to think about whom with. Scared she already knew the answer she closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I'm sorry Britt-Britt." Santana didn't know what else to say. She knew the blonde was pissed at her.

"Who was it?" She didn't need to elaborate; Santana knew what she was talking about.

"Your teacher…"

Brittany slammed her fist against the table hard; she didn't even wince at the pain that seared up her arm. Santana flinched away from the blonde. She'd never seen her so angry before. "You do realise what you've just done?" she shouted at Santana. "I could get kicked out of school for this! I've worked so hard to get into this school and not even a week into the year, I could be getting kicked out! You could get arrested! Do you even think before you do things?"

Santana lost it. "Well excuse me for trying to protect you! She's your teacher Brittany. She shouldn't be doing things like that to her pupils. What if she hadn't taken no for an answer? What would she have done then?" she stood up and stormed over to Brittany so that that they were toe to toe. If she wanted she could reach up and pull Brittany into a kiss.

"I don't need you to protect me Santana! We're not in high school anymore! I can think for myself." Brittany spat out.

Santana wanted to tell her that she was always going to protect her, that she would never let anything bad happen to the blonde, but stopped when a bolt of pain shot through her chest. She collapsed down against the floor, one arm gripping the table leg the other clutching her chest. "Ow!" She screamed out in pain.

Brittany dived to the floor next to her. "What's wrong, San? What's happening?" she grabbed Santana's face and turned to face her. Tears were pouring from her eyes. All anger both of them had felt towards each other quickly dissipated and was quickly replaced by petrified horror.

"Get Quinn… Brittany." Santana clenched her eyes shut gripped the table tighter. "Argh!" she screamed again, this time it was a lot louder and she could feel the pain in her voice.

Just as Brittany was about to run for the door, it burst open and Quinn stood with wide eyes. "What happened?" she screamed with a panicked voice.

"Call 911!" Brittany yelled. Santana's eyes popped open and she shook her head frantically 'no' but it was too late Quinn was already on the phone.

"Brittany! It hurts." Santana screamed out in pain, her hand gripped the back of Brittany's neck and pulled her closer to her face. More tears began to fall and loud sobs escaped her mouth, but then everything went quiet. Santana stopped crying and screaming in pain, her body went limp and her bottom lip quivered. "I'm sorry…" her eyes rolled back into her head, she fell into the blonde's lap and the room went black.

"San! Santana!" Brittany shook her shoulders trying to wake her up but nothing was happening. Quinn collapsed to the floor next to her; she was still on the phone and reached out towards Santana's neck with two outstretched fingers.

"There's a pulse but barely." She shouted down the phone, clearly annoyed with the person on the other end. "Santana? Can you hear me?" she moved in closer to the Latina but Santana didn't respond. "No she's not fucking responding! I told you she's passed out. Keep calm? Keep calm?" she asked incredulously. "I am calm. But if your guys don't get their asses here now I'm going to go crazy! You hear me? Crazy!" Brittany hadn't noticed the rapidly falling tears coming from Quinn's face until now.

Brittany took in deep breaths and tried to calm herself. She pulled Santana to lie fully in her lap as tears began to pour down her own face. She buried her face into her hair and inhaled the smell of strawberries that immediately began to calm her, but not enough to stop her from panicking.

Five minutes later the door burst open and EMT's and paramedics rushed over to Santana who was still lying in Brittany's lap. "What's her name dear?" a blonde haired woman who looked to be in her late forty's asked Brittany soothingly.

"Santana… Santana Lopez" Brittany stuttered out.

"Okay," she pulled Santana carefully away from Brittany and laid her down on the floor. Brittany tried to reach out and pull her back into her lap but the woman moved in front of her. "Can you hear me Santana?" there was no response.

"Is she going to be okay?" Brittany began to move closer to Santana but Quinn pulled her back. "Let go of me, Quinn!" she carried on pulling against Quinn's restraints but the shorter blonde was too strong.

"No, Brittany we have to let them do their jobs." Quinn pulled Brittany to her feet and moved her to the corner of the room out of everyone's way.

"Her pulse is weak; we're going to have to get her to the hospital now!" The paramedics ran over with a stretcher and they strapped her in so she wouldn't fall off. "How did she get the swollen eye?" Both blonde's shrugged, not wanting to get into the whole thing of Santana attacking Brittany's teacher. "Are you family?" she turned to face the two blondes in the corner. Brittany thought that was a stupid question to ask, they looked nothing alike but before she could answer Quinn got to it first.

"Yes. We're her cousins." The woman nodded sceptically but gestured for them to follow.

They climbed into the back of the ambulance and sat on the bench opposite three other paramedics. Brittany clung onto Quinn's arm for dear life. "Is she going to be okay Q?" Brittany whimpered.

"I don't know B…" She wanted to tell Brittany that Santana would be fine but she didn't want to lie to the blonde. Santana was being hooked up to the heart monitor and an oxygen mask was being placed over her mouth and nose, it steamed up every time Santana let out a breath.

Suddenly there was loud, continuous, single, droning beep from the heart monitor that filled the ambulance and paramedics sprang to life. "She's going into cardiac arrest!" Quinn pulled Brittany away from Santana. Brittany's entire body tensed and loud sobs escaped her mouth. She couldn't lose Santana. Not when she didn't know how Brittany felt about her.

A tall lanky man pulled out a set of defibrillators and held them out in front of him "Clear!" he shouted and pressed them to her chest. Her body sprung up off the stretcher into an arch before collapsing back down. Brittany looked on with wide, horror stricken eyes. She wanted to scream at them to stop hurting her but she couldn't find her voice.

There was no change in her heart beat. "Okay bring it up!" he paused to make sure everyone was ready. "Clear!" he repeated his actions until there was faint beep coming from the heart monitor.

Brittany's heart was pounding in her chest and she was positive that if it went any faster it would burst through her ribcage like in that film with the aliens… Santana didn't like it when Brittany watched that film because she would always have nightmares and would stay up all night with a torch scanning around her room.

"She's going to be okay Brittany." Quinn's voice was quivering and Brittany knew fine well that she was trying to convince herself more than Brittany. "She's going to be okay, she's going to be okay…" She kept repeating it over and over hoping that the more she said it, the more chance of it becoming true.

Brittany felt numb. She had never been so scared, even that time when coach Sylvester was threatening to fire her out of a cannon hadn't been as scary as this. She gripped Santana's hand that was slightly hanging off the edge of the bed. She silently begged for the other girl to wake up and be okay.

She stroked the pad of her thumb across Santana's soft skin and began to hum the 'Friends' theme tune without even thinking about it. Santana used to do that for her in high school when she would get called stupid and when her and Artie had broken up, and ever since then it was just something they did. Everyone in the ambulance gave her a confused look but she didn't even notice them, all she could see in that moment was Santana.

"Can you tell me if anything has happened before today that has raised suspicion or been strange in Santana's behaviour?" The woman asked Quinn and Brittany.

"Yes, she's been getting pains in her chest quite a lot, passed out a few times and she's had funny coloured fingers now and again." Quinn rushed out; trying to remember everything she could as she marked them off on her fingers.

"She hasn't been eating a lot either; she's left her food sitting out…" Brittany whispered out.

The woman nodded with a panicked look on her face. The ambulance pulled up outside of the hospital, they were met with doctors in white lab coats and scrub hats on. They piled out and the woman began talking to a doctor who seemed to be in charge. "From what we've been told, it sounds like she has a primary heart tumour and a quite developed one at that."

"Fuck!" Quinn exclaimed in shock.

"What?" Brittany looked around panicked, "What is it Q?"

Before Quinn could answer an intern was walking up to them. She directed them into a waiting area despite their protests to go with Santana and told them that they would be taking Santana for x-rays and then probably in for surgery so they would be waiting for some time.

Brittany sat down with shaking legs without saying a word. She kept her mouth clamped shut as tears silently fell. Quinn placed a hand on top of hers to reassure her but Brittany didn't move or reciprocate the gesture. Quinn sighed and rested her head against Brittany's shoulder as she let her own tears fall.

They both began to feel the anger building up in their guts. How could they have not noticed something wrong with the girl? Why hadn't they done anything when she collapsed the first time?

But then their anger was replaced by panic. What if Santana died? Brittany shook her head, wanting to disperse the thought of her life without the Latina. She hated the thought of her not having her best friend to look out for her or protect her.

Brittany's tears began to cascade down her face. The last thing she had said to Santana was that she didn't need protecting. But really, she knew she did. She needed Santana more than she needed anything in her life. She hated the fact that the last time she spoke to Santana, they were screaming at each other.

Brittany's coffee was freezing; she hadn't even taken a sip of it. Quinn however, had gone through at least six in the past three hours. Her legs bounced up and down and her hands were fidgeting in her lap. Brittany still hadn't moved from her position. She was still staring out into space, berating herself for the way she had acted with Santana. She couldn't help but think this was all her fault. If she hadn't shouted at the Latina she wouldn't have got angry and shouted back and in turn she wouldn't have collapsed.

"She's going to be okay you know Brittany." Quinn crouched in front of Brittany so the taller blonde would look at her. "She's strong."

"You don't know that Quinn." Brittany whispered.

Before Quinn could answer, an intern walked over to them. They both looked up with frightened looks but what they saw in the intern's eyes was a reassuring glimmer of hope. "The surgery is going well. She should be out in an hour or so but I think the doctor would like to talk to you when they're finished before you can go and see her." The intern's smile faltered slightly but quickly regained the hopeful look before leaving.

Brittany clenched her eyes shut as a wave of overwhelming happiness flooded her body. Tears began to leak from her eyes. "I like her Quinn… I like her a lot. I'd die if I lost her."

"I know Britt." Quinn placed her hand on Brittany's again. "I've known since high school."

Brittany gave the shorter blonde a confused look. "How could you? I haven't even known that long."

Quinn giggled softly. "It takes a view from a different angle to see something that others can't. But don't worry I won't tell anyone Britt." Brittany nodded and rested her head against Quinn's as they waited impatiently for the surgery to be over and the doctor to come and see them. "I called her parents." Quinn sighed. "Was that a good idea?"

"They are her parents, they deserve to know. But I don't think she will be very happy… What did they say to you?"

"That they couldn't make it to New York for another three days but I had to call them if anything else happens." Brittany nodded and they fell into a comfortable silence.

Quinn knew she shouldn't tell Brittany about how Santana felt and vice versa. If they liked each other they should work things out for themselves. Sometimes Santana could be as clueless as Brittany was when it came to this stuff but she decided she shouldn't get involved for everyone's sakes.

"Miss Fabrey? Miss Peirce?" an unknown voice asked from behind them.

"Yes?" Brittany asked looking up to the man in green scrubs and a medical mask draped down his chest.

"Miss Lopez is out of surgery." He announced with a smile. "She's still asleep though, but will probably wake up in an hour or so. We were quite shocked when we got the x-ray results back, the size of the tumour shows us that's it's been there for at least a year or so but we managed to remove it." his smile faltered like there was something else he wasn't sharing. "I would like to talk to Miss Lopez with you two as well so she has someone there for support; she is going to need people there for her through this. I'm afraid to say that she is not out of the woods yet and the worst is probably yet to come." He gestured for them to follow him down the corridor away from the waiting area. They boarded an elevator and they went up three floors before walking down to Santana's room. They hadn't noticed the strong smell of bleach and anaesthetic until now but it went straight to their heads, immediately making them dizzy and a little queasy.

Brittany gasped at the pail body that lay in the bed, hooked up to wires and machines. A sharp pain ached in Brittany's chest, Santana looked so weak and fragile, and the complete opposite to what they were so used to seeing her like.

Brittany charged past the doctor and Quinn towards Santana's bed and collapsed to the floor in a fit of tears. She grabbed her hand and pulled it to her lips. "Santana…" she whispered against her cool skin. Her tears soaked through her clothes and onto her skin.

Quinn walked up behind Brittany and placed a soft hand on her shoulder. "She's okay, Britt. Come and sit down." She pulled two chairs over to the bed and they sat down. The doctor walked over to her drip then flicked it a few time and then turned to the heart monitor to check everything was okay. He held up the chart at the end of her bed and flipped through her pages. "Your friend is a very lucky woman, I'll be back in an hour to check on her and inform you all on what's happening. Just press this button if you need Me." he pointed towards a button on a long wire before he walked out the room and left all three girls alone.

For the first time that night, Brittany actually drank the coffee Quinn handed her. In fact she downed the first one in a matter of seconds, she didn't care about the scorching liquid burning her mouth, she had never been so thirsty in her life.

Quinn's phone rang in her pocket; she pulled it out and reluctantly answered it. "Hi baby." She paused to listen to what the other person had to say. "No, I'm at the hospital." A small smile spread across her face and she shook her head. "No. No. I'm fine. It's Santana; she had to have surgery on her heart. She had a tumour Rach…" tears welled up in Quinn's eyes and she let out a loud sob. "No. I'm fine, Britt's with me. You don't have to come down here; I'll be home by ten." Her eyes widened. "No it's not, don't be silly…" she pulled her phone away from her face to check something before pressing it back to her ear. "Oh god it is… Baby I'm so sorry! I'll come home as soon as I know what I happening with San. I love you too." She hung up and pushed her phone back into her pocket. She wiped away the stream of tears from her cheeks and shook her head.

"Rachel?" Brittany asked even though she already knew the answer.

"Yeah she was wondering where I was. I told her I would be home by nine o'clock… I guess I lost track of time. It's half past one, Britt. You should try and get some sleep it's late." Brittany gave her a panicked look and then turned towards Santana. "Don't worry; I'll wake you up if Santana does. You must be exhausted. I know I am." She stifled a yawn and stretched. Quinn passed Brittany her cardigan and wrapped her up to keep her warm. "Sleep, Britt."

After a few seconds of mental debating, Brittany reluctantly curled up in her chair, closed her eyes and fell asleep almost straight away.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys! I got really bored and thought I'd give you an early update because I'm so nice! ;) I hope you all like this chapter; it was quite hard to write.

I'm so mad! I can't watch the Diva episode. I actually feel like crying, but I'm not sure after seeing all the tweets and gifs on twitter that I want to?

Well here you go, enjoy!

Please review! :) x

* * *

Chapter 6

Where was she? Santana knew she should open her eyes but she was too afraid of what she might see. Her mouth was all dry and her throat felt scratchy and sore.

She could hear a faint beeping in the distance but it was muffled like she was under water or something. Oh god? Was she under water? She shook her head, of course she wasn't! She was still breathing and she wasn't wet.

"Wanky…" she mumbled with a weak but sly grin.

She still didn't want to open her eyes however, and decided to use her other senses to figure out where she was. She breathed in deeply through her nose, the strong smell of bleach and anaesthetic climbed its way up her nostrils and burned in between her eyes. A slow thumping began to form in her skull.

She wanted to move her hands to reach out and feel around but her chest ached and she flinched at the pain "Ow…" she muttered out no louder than a whisper. Turns out, that's all it takes for Quinn's eagle like ears to hear.

"San?" Quinn's voice was frantic as she reached out and grabbed the Latina's freezing cold hand. "Santana, are you awake?"

Suddenly, everything came rushing back to her. The fight with Brittany's teacher and then going back to the bar with Quinn, Brittany walking in on them, then they argued and then…

Santana reluctantly opened her eyes but winced and clamped them shut as light beamed in through her eye lids. "Lights…"

Quinn jumped up and ran to the light switch on the wall, she flicked it off and the room was engulfed into a comfortable darkness, the only light seeped into the room from the hallway outside. Quinn made a bee line towards Brittany and nudged her shoulder gently, "Britt... B? Guess who's awake." Brittany's eyes popped open and startled the other two girls in the room.

"San!" she yelled and threw herself into Santana's arms. She nuzzled her face into her neck and inhaled, but this time she couldn't smell the strawberries. She pulled away with a small frown on her face, "You scared me so much, Santana." Silent tears fell from Brittany's eyes. Santana wanted so bad to just reach up and wipe them away but she didn't have the energy to move.

"I'm sorry Britt-Britt. I didn't mean to…" She reached both of her hands out and the blonde's took one each. "Can I have some water… my throat is killing like a bitch." She croaked out. Quinn lent over with a glass of water and a straw, she watched the Latina down the entire glass in less than four gulps. She giggled as Santana cocked her head back and sighed in satisfaction.

"What happened?" she realising she had no idea what happened after her argument with Brittany and why she was at the hospital.

"You don't remember what happened?" Quinn asked with a worried look. Santana shook her head softly. "Maybe we she get the doctor to come back?" she picked up the button next to Santana's arm and tapped at it repeatedly until the door swung open to reveal the doctor looking slightly more exhausted than he had an hour ago, he had dark bags under his eyes, his hair was ruffled and his lab coat hung limply off his left shoulder. Santana would have laughed at him if she wasn't so scared.

"Ah… Miss Lopez, we're awake are we?" He gave her a cheerful smile that made her relax into the bed. "My name is Doctor Richardson, how are you feeling?" he extended a hand out for Santana to shake and she took it without hesitation. Her father had always taught her to treat doctors - or any medical staff for that matter – with respect, seen as though he himself was a chief of medicine.

"A little sore and my chest is feeling really tight, but I can't remember anything that happened." She explained with a cocked eyebrow. "So, doc. would you care to explain what the hell is going on here?"

Brittany and Quinn smiled at how quickly Santana had turned back to bitch mode. Doctor Richardson smiled down at Santana before taking a glance at her clip board. "Santana," he started slowly, his eyes locked with the brunettes and he refused to let them go. "You collapsed at your work place and you were rushed to hospital. After we were informed about your symptoms," he risked a glance at the two blondes who were still holding onto Santana's hands for dear life. "We took you to have an x-ray and found a tumour growing into the right side of your heart. We weren't able to tell how big it was until we opened you up but we could tell it was quite large."

He paused to let the information sink in all Santana could see in his eyes was remorse. Santana's features were contorted but her whole body was stiff, she knew where this was going…

"We were able to remove the entire tumour but that's left you with a rather large hole in the side of your heart that we couldn't repair without damaging even more. It has also left you with an irregular heartbeat as you can see on the screen," everyone in the room turned to face the beeping machine but the three girls stared at it blankly not know what the hell to be looking at. "But we don't know why that is."

Brittany let out a soft whimper, "Heart attacks are from loving too much…" she quickly swiped away a falling tear before anyone could see she was crying.

"I'm afraid this wasn't a heart attack. Tumours in the heart and heart attacks are completely different, in some ways a heart tumour can be worse. In this case, it is." The doctor stated softly to Brittany who looked slightly clueless.

"Then that means Santana loves more than normal people do." Brittany stated innocently.

"You could say that…" Santana whispered trying to hold back the tears and sobs she was keeping locked up behind her walls as she stared deep into the ocean blue eyes of the blonde.

Quinn bit down on her lips as she watched the interaction between her two best friends. Her heart slowly began to break knowing that Brittany would be left heart broken if Santana wouldn't make it through this. She didn't want to believe it, but she knew she was right. She was going to lose her best friend.

"Beacuse the hole that has been left from the tumour is quite large," He repeted and sat down on the end of the bed to make eye contact with the Latina again. "I'm sorry I have to tell you this but without a new heart, you will only have around a year left to live. We have put you on the transplant list but you could be waiting for some time. We will do the best we can to keep you healthy so we will supply you with medication to help with your condition."

Everything in the room went silent. At least that's what it felt like to Santana.

She could still see the doctor's lips moving but no sound came with them. Her whole body was numb and she couldn't feel Brittany's and Quinn's hands holding her own even though she could see them. She sat as still as a statue. She felt frozen in her spot.

But on the inside she was screaming, screaming so loud that she could probably be heard over oceans… she wanted to jump out of her bed and smash the room to microscopic pieces.

Her brow furrowed as she tried to take in the information the doctor had just given her. This wasn't happening. She was obviously dreaming and would wake up in her bedroom back in Lima.

She clenched her eyes shut tightly, not wanting to be here in this room, in this hospital, hooked up to god knows how many wires and tubes. She pulled her hands away from the blonde's and balled them up in her lap, her fists turned white from clamping them so hard.

"This isn't happening…" she murmured to herself. She looked up with tear filled eyes at the doctor. "I'm healthy! I go to the gym all the time I don't eat crappy food! I barely drink alcohol!" her breathe was ragged and laced with pain and terror.

"Your tests show that you are indeed a very healthy woman for your age, but sometimes it's the cells in the human body that find a way to mutate, we still don't know what causes this to happen. Again, I am so sorry Miss Lopez. If you need me…" he pointed towards the button, stood up and left the room.

Santana lay motionless on her bed and looked up at the small dots that decorated the ceiling. She didn't want to cry in front of her best friends, she held the tears back and clamped her mouth tightly shut to hold back the sob.

Brittany didn't understand what was going on, she looked between Santana and Quinn only to see two completely different expressions.

Quinn, she looked horrified by the whole idea of what was going on, tears were pouring from her eyes and her bottom lip was quivering.

Santana, however just looked… well she looked blank, like she was an empty shell. She looked like all the life had been sucked out of her. All the fire within her sole had been put out and there wasn't even a spark left to reignite her.

Brittany tugged softly on Quinn's shirt trying to get her attention. When Quinn finally turned to meet Brittany's helpless gaze she sighed and pulled the Blonde out of the room and into the empty corridor.

"I don't understand…" Brittany grabbed Quinn's hands frantically begging her to answer her question, "What's wrong with S? She's going to be ok right?" when Quinn didn't answer Brittany almost screamed her name, "QUINN! Answer me!"

Quinn began to back away slowly, startled by Brittany's outburst. Her back hit the wall forcing her to stop where she was. "She needs a new heart Brittany… she could die without one…" Quinn said softly.

Brittany's eyes went wide and Quinn swore if they went wider, her eyes would probably fall out and roll across the floor. "What's wrong with her heart, I don't understand why she would need a new one. It seems to work pretty well because she loves all of her family and you and me so much." Brittany whimpered as she tried to hold back the sobs.

Quinn thought for a moment, trying to think of a simple way to tell the blonde so that she would understand. "It's like you said in there earlier, Santana loves us all so much that her heart has broken from how much love she has in there." Quinn pulled the taller blonde in for a hug. Brittany couldn't hold back the tears any longer and they gushed out with no intention of stopping.

"Is she going to die Q?"

"I don't know Britt. I don't know." She answered truthfully. Quinn's phone rang loudly in her pocket and she pulled it out to see Rachel calling her again, she said her goodbyes to Brittany and told her to say bye to Santana as well. "Hey baby…" her voice trailed off as she rounded a corner and disappeared.

Santana could hear the two blondes outside and it killed her to be causing them so much pain. Especially Brittany who barely understood what was happening. She wanted to wrap the three of them up into a big bubble so nothing could touch them or break them apart, but she knew this day would be the day that would ruin her life. A fresh surge of tears began to fall at the thought of leaving Brittany alone. No one could be there for her like she could. No one.

Brittany entered the room, this time she was alone and before Santana could ask where Quinn was Brittany beat her to it. "She said she needed to go home but I could call her if we needed anything. She said I should stay with you." Santana nodded, she was still in shock to even care that Quinn had gone, instead she turned her head to face out the window at the starry night sky and let the never ending tears fall to her pillow that soaked around where her skin met fabric. She silently sobbed, secretly hoping that the blonde would hug her because right now, that was all she needed.

She wanted Brittany's arms wrapped tightly around her because that would be the only way she would feel safe.

Brittany didn't know if she should say something. She knew whenever she was upset and someone would ask if she was okay she would start crying all over again. So she decided against it.

She shuffled over to Santana's bed and sat down next to the Latina on the course matrass. Santana didn't move; she kept staring out of the window with an empty look, her eyes glazed over.

Brittany was careful not to lean on, pull or tug any of Santana's wires as she pulled her legs up onto the bed. She shifted closer to the Latina's body and carefully turned her to face her. Thankfully Santana didn't protest and just stared up into Brittany's eyes, her bottom lip began to quiver but before she could let out a sob, Brittany pulled her face to her chest and hugged her gently.

The blonde pulled Santana even more carefully to lie in between her legs so that the brunette's back was resting against Brittany's front. She wrapped her arms around Santana's waist and pulled her closer so that her face was nuzzled into the crook of her neck. She began to softly hum 'Friends' again hoping that it would make Santana feel better but when her body started to shake with sobs Brittany abruptly stopped.

"No don't stop… please." Santana whimpered and clutched the fabric of Brittany's top. Without thinking about what she was doing, Brittany placed a soft kiss into the crook of Santana's neck.

Santana's grip tightened on Brittany's clothes at the contact. She gasped at the sensation that began to pump its way through her blood. She knew as soon as the blondes lips met her skin it was a bad idea, _"but hey ho you only live once right?"_ She thought harshly to herself.

She moaned softly and tilted her neck to the side so Brittany had more room to move. Goose bumps raised across her skin as the blonde's lips touched her skin softer this time but had the same effect, she knew she wanted more. She slammed her eyes tightly shut causing stars to erupt in front of her. Her lips marted as a breathy moan climbed it's way up her throat.

Brittany looked down doe eyed at Santana. She knew what she was doing was wrong, she had no idea what it meant but she knew that it felt so right and she didn't want to stop.

She placed her lips against Santana's neck again, this time her lips were slightly parted and a warm breath grazed over Santana's skin. She pressed herself further against the blonde's stomach and a soft moan parted her lips. "_Friends do this sort of stuff right?"_ The thought flickered through her mind but disappeared just as quick.

She gripped roughly at the fabric in her hands as sobs began to shudder through her body. She was so happy but yet so sad. She didn't want to let go of the blonde physically and mentally. She couldn't imagine not being with her and in that single moment, Brittany was the only thing Santana wanted.

Santana ignored all the screaming voices in her head that told her to push the blonde away and tell her to stop. She could feel the heat pooling in the bottom of her stomach and revelled in the amazing feelings the blonde was giving her just by kissing her neck. She wanted so badly for the blonde to just take her, right here, right now…

Brittany carried on pressing soft kisses along Santana's neck, up her jaw line, on her pulse point and behind her ear. The kisses started out soft but after ten minutes or so, Brittany's tongue was swiping across caramel skin and sucked softly before letting it go with a quiet – almost inaudible – pop. Santana's neck was slowly bruising with small purple circles.

She reluctantly pulled away from the girl's neck to hover her lips over Santana's ear.

"Britt…" Santana wined in protest. She needed the blonde's lips back on her neck now.

"Santana," Brittany started, her lips grazed over the shell of Santana's ear causing her to shiver and back impossibly further into the blonde. "I will always be here for you. I'll be here for you to scream at when you need to let off steam when things get too much to cope with, I'll be here to hold you when you need to be held, I'll always be up and ready with your morning coffee waiting for you so you're not grumpy during the day," Santana smiled and shook her head, she bit down on her bottom lip to hold back her giggle. She could feel her pathetic excuse of a heart melt at the blonde's words.

"I'll be there to dance around the apartment with you like a crazy person when we find out that you can get a new heart."

At Brittany's words, Santana turned to face the blonde. Still clutching her top she pulled herself down to bury her face into her chest and let her walls fall as a tsunami of tears fell from her eyes. Brittany pulled her in closer to her chest, wrapping her arms all the way around her waist. Brittany's breathe started to quiver with her own sobs that were trying to break free fromher body. She kissed Santana's forehead softly before carrying on.

"But most of all, I will be here by your side, simply because you mean more to me than you could possibly imagine. I will always love you Santana. No matter what happens. I'll never stop loving you Santana Lopez." Brittany meant what she was saying in more ways than one. She loved Santana as a friend but she now knew she loved Santana in ways that no human could possibly comprehend.

Santana gripped so tightly at the blonde that she was surprised she hadn't popped yet but she knew as soon as they left this room things would change. Santana had no doubt that Brittany would ever leave her, and she was so ridiculously pleased but she also knew that in the end, she herself would have to leave the blonde… How could she ever hurt Brittany like that? She mentally bulldozed the thoughts to the back of her mind and let herself enjoy the life changing moment she was sharing with Brittany.

Brittany had no idea what all of this meant, but she didn't want it to end. She didn't want to lose Santana.

She couldn't lose the woman she loved.


	7. Chapter 7

Hi guys! Here's chapter 7…

I need to ask you all a question, what do you think I should call Santana's parents and Brittany's parents? I'll pick the best names :)

Keep reviewing!

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Chapter 7

"You need to rest, Miss Lopez. I'm afraid I can't discharge you for another two days." The nurse instructed as she lead a frustrated Santana back to her room.

"I can rest at home! I can't stay in this place any longer. I'm going crazy." Santana waved her hands around to empathise the 'crazy' part.

"I'm sorry, Miss Lopez." The nurse said more forcefully before slowly leaving the room.

Santana sighed and slowly climbed back into bed; she thumped her fist hard against her pillow and let out a deep groan. She slouched down in her bed and tilted her head to face out of the window at the streams of water running down the glass.

Booms of thunder echoed in the distance followed by flashes of lightening, she wondered how Brittany hadn't been woken up yet.

When they were younger and would have sleepovers, Brittany would end up curling her body around Santana's if there was a thunderstorm because she was scared out of her skin. No matter how many times Santana would tell her she would be safe inside the house, the blonde wouldn't stop crying until Santana was holding her in her arms and whispering soothing words into her ear.

Brittany's sleeping body twitched in the small chair next to her; they hadn't really spoken in two days. _"I'll never stop loving you Santana Lopez"_ Brittany's words echoed through her mind causing a pool of tears to form behind her eyelids.

Santana had felt so comfortable in the blonde's arms, for the first time in a long time she felt like she was loved.

But it was also the first time she felt like she was letting the blonde down.

She knew if anything were to happen with them, it would all end up in heart break and she couldn't do that to the blonde. She wouldn't start something she couldn't finish.

She swiped furiously at her cheeks, desperately trying to get rid of the falling tears and reached out slowly to tuck I stray hair behind Brittany's ear as she watched her sleep. She was grateful the blonde hadn't left her bedside since she was brought in, only for bathroom breaks but then again her room did have its own bathroom so really she wasn't really going anywhere.

Santana closed her eyes as a bubble of warmth rose within her stomach. "What's got you smiling?" Brittany's words pulled Santana from her thoughts, she hadn't even realised she'd been smiling. Maybe that's what the blonde did to her now.

"Nothing, I was just thinking." Santana replied quietly.

Brittany gave the smaller girl a confused look; she craned her neck with a loud click and got up stiffly to sit on the end of Santana's bed. "I'm glad you're smiling. You haven't had a lot of reasons to lately." Brittany sighed with a sad smile.

Santana knew the blonde was partly right, things had taken a turn for the worse in her life and she really wasn't happy about that – come on she was dying here – but she couldn't help but feel a bubble of happiness when she woke up to see the blonde sleeping in the chair next to her or whenever she would talk, hell Santana was happy to just be in the presence of Brittany. She didn't tell her that though, she couldn't bring herself to because to Santana, that was as good as admitting her feelings for the blonde, and there was no way in hell she was doing that anytime soon.

"I need to tell you something, San." Brittany whispered. She suddenly found an interest in her hands fiddling in her lap. Santana nodded cautiously for the blonde to continue. "Your parents are on their way here and said they were going to be arriving tomorrow afternoon."

Santana groaned in frustration. As if things couldn't get any worse, the parents – or parent - from hell were coming to visit her. "Fucking great." She fumed. Santana bit down on her lip, not wanting to take her anger out on the blonde she turned away from her, reached out for some pills on the side of her bed. She swallowed two without water and closed her eyes. She let herself slowly fall into oblivion…

She hadn't noticed all the flowers and get well soon cards that stood at the bottom of her bed. Brittany had told her most of them were off the glee kids – they had gave Quinn money to buy cards and flowers since most of them wouldn't be able to fly out to New York at such short notice - and a few off her family. Santana was kind of pissed that she hadn't been awake when people had visited but the morphine for her chest was keeping her asleep almost 24/7. She only had one more day in the hospital and she could go home and everything would go back to normal.

"Who am I kidding, nothing's going to be normal again." she muttered sleepily to herself, quiet enough that Brittany, Quinn and Rachel didn't hear her.

She felt like she was underwater again because everything sounded funny and muffled, maybe it was because she had just woken up or the drugs, or maybe they were trying to keep their voices down so she wouldn't hear?

"What are you talking about?" she croaked out, her throat felt all dry and scratchy. Brittany hurried over with a cup of water and helped the Latina to drink before sitting back down next to the other two girls.

"How are you feeling Santana?" Rachel asked cautiously.

"Fucking fabulous, Hobbit." She snarled sarcastically, "How do you think I'm feeling? I'm dying! Can't get any better than that right?" she didn't mean to sound so vicious but when she had all this pent up anger bubbling inside of her, sometimes it just slipped out.

"I'm sorry." Rachel whispered before cowering into Quinn's side.

"No, I'm sorry, Berry. I just feel like shit you know? It's been a lot to take in; I guess it still hasn't really sunk in what's going to happen to me." Santana gave Rachel an apologetic smile and turned to look out of the window. She'd found herself doing that a lot lately, it soothed her to watch the weather change but sometimes she looked up at the sky hoping against hope that all the shit she had put people through wouldn't land her in hell… even though she knew she probably deserved it more than anyone at the moment.

Santana heard a quiet sniffling noise followed by a whimper coming from across the room but before she had time to turn around to look, Quinn was already running out of the room with her face in her hands. Rachel went to stand up but was stopped when Brittany shook her head. "I'll go, I need some fresh air. Keep San company?"

Rachel nodded but Santana just rolled her eyes not wanting to be left alone with the other brunette.

Brittany sprinted down the corridor after the blonde, almost falling over a cleaning cart and dodging a few doctors but finally reached the elevator doors before they could close on the blonde and jumped in with Quinn.

Without saying a word, Quinn wrapped her arms around Brittany's waist and let her tears fall. Brittany didn't know what to do, so she racked her fingers through Quinn's short hair until the blonde was ready to speak.

"I'm sorry, Britt. I just couldn't let myself cry in front of her." She sighed as she wiped away the rivers of mascara.

"She's going to be okay, Quinn." Brittany said without any doubt in her voice. She didn't want to think that by the end of the year she wouldn't have the brunette in her life. She wouldn't let herself think like that because when she did, she couldn't see a life without Santana.

Santana was her life.

The elevator doors opened with a 'ding' to reveal two familiar looking people. A woman who looked to be in her early thirties – but was obviously a lot older – stood with a grey haired man. The woman seemed to be the double of Santana with dark hair and the same skin colour but with a slightly warn but threatening look. She had a cold gaze that made the hairs on Brittany's neck stand on end. The man however, had bright brown eyes – identical to Santana's – and stood tall over the three women, he had a small smile on his face and still looked welcoming all the same. She could see why the Latina was closer to her father; he would actually care for his daughter's happiness rather than her appearance like her mother did.

"Mr and Mrs Lopez." Brittany almost bowed to the couple that stood in front of her but instead held out a hand for them to shake. Mr Lopez shook it firmly and then turned to Quinn who copied Brittany's actions. Mrs Lopez just nodded at the two girls, barely acknowledging their existence.

The two Blonde's smiled and shuffled around nervously as Santana's parents boarded the elevator and they road back up to Santana's floor.

"Berry," Santana snapped her fingers in front of Rachel's face trying to get her attention as she stared down at her lap. "We need to talk about you and Q. I know it's none of my business but she's my best friend, and well… I need something to take my mind off everything else that's going on in my fucked up life."

Rachel nodded in understanding. "Of course Santana, what is it you would like to discuss?" Santana rolled her eyes at how polite the smaller girl was being.

"Well, first off, how's the sex life going? I know Q was getting a bit upset about not being able to spend time with you because of school and work and stuff, so how's that going?" Rachel looked a bit taken aback by Santana's forwardness even though they'd gone through high school together she still wasn't used to the Latina even talking to her.

"Err…" she hesitated slightly, trying to put her thoughts together. A beaming smile covered her lips going all the way up to her eyes. "We're better, I've cut down on my after school curricular activities so I get to spend more time with her and we spend more time in-" She stopped herself from talking when she realised she was about to reveal their personal sex life.

Santana rolled her eyes and scoffed. "We're all grownups in here, Berry. You don't need to get all worked up and embarrassed about the 'sex' word."

Just as Rachel was about to reply her eyes flickered towards the door and back to Santana with an unrecognisable expression. Santana followed the smaller girl's line of sight towards the door.

Her mouth immediately turned dry, her whole body tensed up and she wanted to scramble away from the figures standing in the doorway. She wanted to throw herself out of the window so she wouldn't have to deal with her parents, mainly her mother.

Rachel pattered Santana's arm and gave her a reassuring look before slowly heading out the room to give the Lopez's some time to talk.

Santana wasn't scared of her parents. In fact it was far from it. She loved her father more than anything; she looked up to him and hoped that in the future she would be just like him.

Her mother however, was a different story. She didn't get on with her at all. They would fight over the smallest things like whose turn it was to take out the trash or what to eat for dinner. Sometimes, Santana even felt like her mother didn't love her. She treated Santana like a possession rather than a daughter.

Her parent's intimidated the shit out of her, no matter how much she loved her father and how little she spoke to her mother, she would always feel like she couldn't please them or live up to their standards.

Santana opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She hadn't spoken to her parents since the start of summer vacation. She had chosen to avoid them the entire time she was at home other times she had stayed over at Brittany's and sorted out plans for New York.

She hadn't even told her parents she was moving out until two weeks before she was due to leave. Things hadn't ended well with the Lopez family last time she had seen them.

"Mamá, Papá." Santana stuttered out awkwardly as she tried not to make eye contact with her parents. She couldn't make out the expression on their faces but hoped to god they weren't angry with her.

"Santana!" Her father ran over to her and threw his arms around her carefully. "Oh, god. I'm so glad you're okay baby." She nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck to hide her tear filled eyes. She was so glad he wasn't angry with her for leaving them to move to California without her. She wrapped her arms around her father's waist and pulled him closer. She could smell his strong aftershave and cigar smoke on his clothes.

When her father finally pulled away, she wiped away her tears to see the room was empty apart from her mother who was stood in the doorway. She looked on at the interaction with a blank face. "You brought this upon yourself, Santana. If you had just moved to California with us, none of this would have happened." She sauntered further into the room to sit on the chair Brittany had spent the past four nights sleeping in.

"Mamá, this would have happened regardless of whether I was living with you and Papá. The doctors said this has been growing in my heart for at least a year." Santana suddenly found her hands a lot more interesting and began to twiddle her thumbs. She couldn't make eye contact with her mother's cold gaze that was burning holes in the side of her face.

Even when she was dying, her mother still found some way to make out it was the Latina's fault, just like everything else that went wrong in the Lopez's lives.

Mrs Lopez sighed and held to fingers to the bridge of her nose. "You will be coming back to California with me and your Father so we will be able to take care of you properly. There will be no arguments Santana."

"No!" Before Santana could answer three women launched themselves into the room. They had obviously been listening in on the conversation through the closed door. Brittany had tears streaming down her face and ran straight for Santana to grab her hands while Quinn and Rachel had the decency to look embarrassed that they had been caught snooping.

"You can't take her away from her friends. She has a life here, a job!" Brittany argued. Her face was full of desperation. "Don't take her away from me." she said the last part loud enough for the Latina to hear but no one else. She couldn't lose Santana. She wouldn't let anyone take the Latina away from her, not even her parents.

Santana's grip tightened on Brittany's hands.

She couldn't let go.

"This is our decision. We are her parent's; she will do as we tell her." Her mother bit back harshly at the blonde. Mr Lopez stood silently in the corner of the room, clearly feeling guilty for what his wife was saying to his daughter and her friends.

"Don't talk to her like that." Santana snapped at her mother but she ignored her daughter.

"Santana is an adult. This is her decision." Rachel joined in the argument; Quinn was furiously nodding her head by her girlfriend's side.

"She needs people who can take care of her." Mrs Lopez was beginning to get angry, she knew the girls were right but she wouldn't be beaten by a bunch of nineteen year olds.

"We can take care of her!" Quinn shouted, She was giving Santana's mother her 'queen bitch' glare but the older woman didn't back down.

Santana clenched her eyes shut as she drastically tried to keep herself calm. She couldn't let her heart beat too fast. There was a small throbbing pain in her chest again and she pressed her hand there and began to roughly rub small circles above her heart.

"Shut up!" she screamed when the arguing began to get out of hand. The room fell silent and all eyes fell on her. "I'm not moving with you to California just because you feel obligated to look after me. Hell, I wouldn't even move with you if you actually acted like you loved Me." she paused to make eye contact with her mother.

"I actually feel happy living here, I feel like I belong. I'd rather live with my friends and be happy for the last year of my life than be with my family and be a miserable fuck and turn out to be exactly like my mother!" she took in a deep breath and turned to face the older woman sitting next to her. "Get out now." She growls at her mother and points towards the door. When she doesn't move, Santana gives her the coldest glare she has ever used, "I'm staying here. You can't control me anymore. I'm happy here with the people I love." The final word she said was harsh and bitter causing her mother to flinch. She knew what her daughter was trying to say.

Her daughter didn't love her anymore.

Mrs Lopez looked away from her daughter, hiding the hurt in her eyes as she stood up to leave.

She walked out of the room leaving Mr Lopez to decide whether or not to follow. "Te amo hija." He whispered into his daughter's ear as he hugged her tightly. "This is my number." He placed a small piece of paper in her free hand. "If you need anything - and I mean anything – you just call me." Santana reached up to kiss his cheek and said her good byes before he reluctantly left the room.

She was more than disappointed that her father didn't stick up for her against her mother but she understood that he was put in a difficult position and that he loved them both.

Santana was still rubbing small circles on her chest but the pain was slowly fading, she pulled a strip of pills off her bed side table and swallowed two whole without taking a drink of water. She didn't know what the pills were for but she was told to take four every day.

Brittany was still holding one of her hands, tears pouring from her eyes. "I can take care of you Santana…" she muttered quietly. Brittany's rant from the other night began to echo through her mind again.

"I know Britt-Britt. Ignore anything my mother says. You will always mean more to me." Santana gave Brittany's hand a reassuring squeeze before looking at the other girls in the room. "Thank you for sticking up for me. It means a lot."

Quinn and Rachel came to sit on the other side of the bed so that all four were crowded together for a group hug. "We're not going anywhere San." Quinn giggled. "How about we throw you a welcome home party and a house warming party all in one when you get home?"

Brittany automatically beamed at the idea and nodded furiously. How could Santana refuse a look like that? "Sounds awesome Q. but first I want some food. So if you don't mind, how's about you go fetch me some real food? I don't think I can stand this hospital food much longer." The group giggled at Santana's ghetto voice.

Quinn and Rachel stood up to go and get a Chinese from down the road leaving Santana and Brittany alone. The blonde wrapped her arms around the Latina's waist and cuddled up to Santana's back. "Are you okay?" she wanted to flinch away from the hold know that she was doing the wrong thing.

"Yes." Santana says shortly not wanting to get into any deep conversations. She was suddenly hyper aware of the blonde touching her. Her skin felt like it was burning from the contact but a good sort of burning like she couldn't get enough of the blonde. But she knew it was wrong, she knew she shouldn't be doing this. She couldn't lead the blonde on when she knew she would end up hurting her. "Stop." She whispered.

"What's wrong?" Brittany asked sounding completely helpless.

Santana couldn't lie to Brittany, she couldn't come up with some lame ass excuse but she also knew she couldn't tell her the truth. "Could you get me some water please?" She tried not to make eye contact with Brittany, knowing that the blonde would know straight away that she was hiding something.

Never the less, Brittany jumped off the bed and headed for the door.

Santana closed her eyes praying to god that she would fall asleep before the blonde got back so she wouldn't have to deal with all the messed up feelings she was having. The realisation of what was happening to her finally hit her with such a force, she was surprised she didn't physically fly off the bed.

She was dying.

She had a year left to live.

Was she just supposed to sit around and wait for a year?

Brittany knew there was something else going on with the Latina. She knew Santana was hiding something from her but she couldn't bring herself to ask in case it would upset Santana even more.

She hated feeling helpless, like she couldn't do anything to help the Latina. She didn't want to upset her by trying to make her happy but she had no idea what she could do to help.

She just wanted to break down in a sobbing heap and make everything go back to how things were.

She wanted Santana to be happy again.


	8. Chapter 8

Here you go guys! i hope you dont get too mad with me by the end of this chapter...

thank you for the help, i might need some more help for later chapters.

please review. x

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Chapter 8

The third knock came louder than the previous and had no intention of stopping. No matter how many times Brittany shouted for them to wait as she pulled on her sweats and a tank top, the banging wouldn't stop. She ran towards the door and swung it open. "Jeez, Q! I was in the shower, chill the fuck out." Brittany pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. Her head was killing her.

Quinn and Rachel stood in the doorway to Brittany and Santana's apartment, slightly taken aback by the blonde's use of words. "Sorry." They mumbled in unison.

"No, come in. Everything's been really hectic with Santana lately; she won't answer the phone to her family so I have to talk to them. I don't know how to speak Spanish! Her family screaming at me is almost as bad as Santana. I'm sorry for snapping." Brittany sighed and looked towards Santana's closed bedroom door with a sigh.

"She's still in bed?" Rachel asked with an arched eyebrow. Brittany nodded sadly. "It's been three weeks!"

Brittany nodded again and walked into the kitchen with slumped shoulders. "Coffee?"

Both girls nodded and sat down on the stools opposite the blonde. They all settled into a comfortable silence as they sipped on their coffees. There was no need to talk, they were all thinking about the same thing.

Or the same person.

"She doesn't know what to do with herself anymore. She's just sitting around waiting to d-" Brittany clenched her eyes tightly shut. She couldn't say that word. Even the thought of it sent a searing pain through her body. She kept her eyes shut to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

She didn't want to sit around and watch her best friend die. She wanted Santana to be happy again. She wanted her to be able to live the final months of her life happy with people around her who love her so fucking much. She wanted them both to be happy together.

"It's okay, Britt." Quinn placed a hand over the blonde's to sooth the aching pain that was throbbing through both of their body's. "She'll be back to normal before we know it."

There was so much hope in Quinn's voice that Brittany could almost believe her, but they hadn't been living with Santana for the past three weeks. They hadn't had the Latina screaming the hell out of her because she spilt coffee on the rug or heard her crying herself to sleep every night. They hadn't been told that they only had a year left to live.

Santana hadn't even had a proper convocation with the blonde since they got home from the hospital. The only time Brittany would ever see Santana was when she would go and ask the Latina if she wanted food, the only reply she would get was a simple grunt and a shrug of the shoulders. She hadn't eaten a proper meal since they got home. Brittany knew she was eating though, every time she would get home from school there would be cereal bar rappers scrunched up all over the floor or the fridge door would be left wide open.

Brittany had had to throw four fresh cartons of milk out in the space of three days because they had gone warm.

She had taken two weeks off school so she could help look after Santana but when the third week started, the school had told her she was falling too far behind and would have to come back or leave completely.

Quinn had persuaded her - even if it had taken all of Sunday night – and promised to check in on Santana when she got her breaks at work.

This was the first time Rachel had been round and she couldn't help but shake off the weird, depressing feeling of the apartment. It was far too quiet without the chatter or snide remarks from the Latina. The place was in desperate need of a clean-up and she was sure that Brittany didn't know how to turn on a vacuum cleaner.

She had to grip her cup tightly to stop herself from jumping up and and going on a crazy lady cleaning frenzy.

Quinn squeezed her hand, sensing her girlfriend's awkward posture.

"So she hasn't come out of her room yet?" Quinn asked.

"No, and the only time she gets out of bed is to use the bathroom and sneak food when I'm at school." She sighed and looked sadly into her coffee. "She's like a zombie and I have no idea what I can do to help. She just screams at me to leave her alone." Tears began to pool in the blonde's sad eyes. "She's never screamed at me before any of this happened. I don't know what to do anymore."

Santana bit down on her bottom lip to hold back the sob that was bubbling up her throat. She was standing just outside of her room listening in on the conversation her best friends were having.

She felt so uncomfortable actually leaving the safety of her bedroom but to be honest she was glad to get some fresh air even if she was still inside her apartment. She would have opened her bedroom window but when she last tried it got jammed and she slammed it with such a force that the handle came off so she gave up and curled into a ball.

She could feel her heart – well what was left of it - shattering in her chest as she listened to what Brittany was saying. She hated that she was taking her anger out on her. She hadn't meant to, as soon as she did she immediately felt bad and then that would lead to her crying herself to sleep.

She hated herself for the way she was treating Brittany but she didn't want the blonde to be getting too close because she was dying.

She didn't want people feeling sorry for her because what good would that be?

But what she hated the most was that whenever she looked Brittany in the eyes, all she could see was pure love. There was no anger, hatred or sympathy towards the Latina for dying. All she could see was love and that scared the hell out of her. She didn't want to leave Brittany heart broken, alone and not able to move on from her.

She hadn't realised she'd started crying until she felt warm drops of water landing on her chest. She didn't even bother to wipe her face. She just held her breath so the sobs wouldn't draw attention to her and walked back to her room.

The girls' head's shot up as a slam echoed from down the hall. They were frozen in position as they waited for a body to walk into the kitchen. But when nothing happened Brittany stood up. "Wait here." And with that she disappeared down the hall.

She shuffled around awkwardly outside of Santana's room. Her fist was raised like she was about to knock but she was too scared to. What if Santana didn't want to see her? What if she started screaming again?

She hated it when Santana screamed at her. She would hold in her tears until she knew the Latina wasn't looking or had left the room and then let them pour like there was no tomorrow.

It wasn't that she was upset she was being screamed at. She was upset because the Latina was so upset and angry with everything that she felt the need to scream instead of talk to the blonde about how she was feeling. She was keeping everything locked up behind her walls like she always did.

She shook her head to rid her of her thoughts and began to turn round. She stopped when she heard an almost inaudible sob on the other side of the door.

She knocked softly. "San? Can I come in?" there was no answer but the sobbing stopped. "Please?" The door clicked and slowly creaked open to reveal half an inch of Santana's room, a tanned cheek and a watering eye that still looked beautiful none the less.

Santana stepped away from the door but left it open. Brittany took that as an invitation for her to enter and walked in slowly.

She took a seat next to Santana on the bed; her room was bitch black with the thick curtains closed. Her room was almost identical to the one she had back in Lima she had the same raster poster above her bed and the walls were painted dark.

She sighed after a couple seconds past without either of them talking and looked to the Latina next to her who was staring at the blonde's hands in her lap. "San," She whispered.

But before she could get another word out, Santana threw herself at the blonde. She wrapped her legs around her waist and her arms around her shoulders, her face was nuzzled softly into her neck and she began to sob louder than she had ever done before.

Brittany was shocked by the Latina's actions. After what had happened in the hospital, Santana hadn't let Brittany touch her at all. But she didn't know how to feel about the contact now.

She felt relieved that Santana was finally making contact with her but she also felt sad. The Latina was crying her eyes out, her walls had finally been bulldozed down by the high level of different emotions that were building up and she was letting all of them finally break free.

"I'm sorry… Britt. So sorry." It was almost impossible for Brittany to make out the words in between the heart wrenching sobs but she did and a wave of her own tears began to fall.

She shushed the girl in her arms and squeezed her tighter. It was in that second that she vowed that she would never let Santana go.

"San…" she whispered soothingly into her ear. The brunette felt shivers race down her spine and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up on end. She looked deep into Brittany's eyes before placing her forehead firmly against the blonde's. Brittany reached up and wiped the girl's tears away with the pad of her thumb.

Santana would have done anything to kiss the soft lips in front of her; she would have done anything to tell Brittany how much she loved her and how much she needed the blonde in her life but how could she when she knew all that she would be doing was setting the blonde up for complete heart break.

"I'm sorry for screaming at you Britt-Britt. I didn't mean to take it out on you; you know I love you right?" Santana's voice was low and barely a whisper but it still managed to send shivers racing down Brittany's body and straight to the pit of her stomach.

"I know. You don't have to apologise San." Brittany wrapped her arms tighter around Santana and moved her face slightly closer. She could feel the brunette's breath carresing the cool skin on her face and it took all the will power she possessed to keep her eyes from rolling back into her head.

If Brittany were to pout now, her lips would press against Santana's. "I love you Santana."

Santana whimpered at Brittany's words. She let out a long and shaky breath before slowly closing her eyes. She knew what was about to come but she couldn't bring herself to stop it. This is what she wanted.

Brittany's heart was racing in her chest and she swore she could hear Santana's beating in sync with hers.

Her eyes flickered closed as she pressed her lips against Santana's.

in that moment it was like everything around them melted away into nothing. Brittany swore she could feel bolts of electricty charging through her blood and pooling in the bottom of her stomach.

The kiss was so soft that it was almost impossible to feel but the heat the emanated off both bodies was enough to completely scramble their minds.

Santana pressed her body even further against Brittany's. She grabbed at the fabric of Brittany's top as the blonde racked her fingers down the Latina's back desperately.

All the depression and self-pity Santana had been feeling for the past week automatically disappeared and was replaced by complete and utter love for the other woman. She didn't care about anything else in the world, the feeling of her mother not really loving her and the fact that she only had a year left to live suddenly didn't matter anymore.

The only thing she could think of in that moment was Brittany and her perfect lips on hers, her lips were so much softer than any boys and her hands felt gentle against her skin no matter how frantically they were moving.

Brittany's lips was Santana's new favourite taste, she could taste them forever and never get bored of the texture, the perfect amount of moister and the euphoric feelings kissing the blonde gave her.

She never wanted to taste anything ever again.

she had to tense her entire body to stop herself from rocking her hips into the blonde beneath her.

Suddenly, Brittany's tongue flickered across Santana's bottom lip begging for entrance. At the impact, everything came rushing back to Santana and her whole body jolted away from the blonde.

She slammed herself back against the far wall. Her eyes were wide and frantic like she had just been caught murdering someone and her chest was heaving up and down with shaking breathes.

Brittany's mouth was slightly parted with shock; she had no idea why the brunette had jumped off of her. Had she done something wrong? She could still feel her heart racing against the walls of her chest and she was scared that it was going to crack through her rib cage.

"I can't." Santana whispered; this time even more tears were pouring from her eyes than there had been earlier. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably and there was an aching pain in her chest. But it wasn't from the hole in her heart; it was from seeing the pained look on the blonde's face.

It was from jumping away from the one thing she wanted most.

It was from knowing she was hurting the love of her life.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Santana shook her head frantically. "No, you've done nothing wrong at all. It's me, I just can't do this." She waved her hand between them both but didn't make eye contact with the blonde. "I'm sorry."

Brittany's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. What did Santana mean by that? Should she be angry or offended by what she had just said?

"Is it because I'm a girl?" She couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice.

Santana was dumbfounded. The fact that Brittany was a girl would never matter to her, maybe in high school but she was immature then and popularity mattered. But not now.

The fact that she was dying was the only reason she couldn't be with her. "No! That would never matter to me Britt."

"Then what is it?"

"I just can't Britt, okay? It would never work with us." she couldn't bring herself to tell Brittany the real reason. She couldn't even bring herself to face the blonde. She turned to her side so that her shoulder was flat against the wall and she was facing the door at the foot of the bed.

"Why not? I love you, Santana and I know you feel the same about me, so give me one good reason why it wouldn't work?" Brittany was shouting now with a sudden burst of anger coming out of nowhere. She didn't know why she was getting so defensive; she could have just taken the Latina's first answer and left without saying a word. But she wasn't. She was making a big deal out of things and really, she had every right to. She wouldn't let someone else decide what she should do.

"I'm dying Brittany. Do you know how hard this year is going to be for me?" Santana snapped.

"You don't think that's going to be hard for me too? You're my best friend! You've been in my life for longer than I can remember, Santana, I know for a fact that the day I lose you will be the day I die as well." she couldn't keep the pain out of her voice. Did the Latina really think the blonde wouldn't be hurting through all of this?

"But until then, I will live my life happily because you're still here to make me happy." Brittany couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with the girl across the room.

"Don't say that Brittany. I want to make you happy, more than anything. I just can't do that knowing in the end all I'm achieving is leaving you with a broken heart."

"I'm a big girl Santana. I can deal with having a broken heart because I will have the most amazing memories of the two of us being happy _together_." Brittany stood up and walked over to Santana.

Santana tried to back herself even further into the wall but it wouldn't budge. There was no room for her to move away from the blonde beauty walking towards her and before she knew it, they were toe to toe.

Brittany ducked her head slightly so her heavy breathing could be felt on the Latina's shoulder. She took a tiny step closer so that their bodies were flushed. Santana's entire body tensed up but all she wanted to do was lean into the warm body that was standing against hers and never let go.

A single tear made its way down Brittany's cheek. "Tell me you don't want to be with me, Santana. Tell me to go." She pressed her forehead against the smaller girls and looked deep into her eyes. "If you can look me in the eyes and tell me that this isn't what you want, I'll go."

Santana reached up and pressed her hands against Brittany's chest, she could feel the erratic beating of her heart. Her skin felt amazing against Santana's fingers and she had to mentally kick herself for thinking about all the places she wanted to touch on the other woman. "Brittany," Santana moaned.

"Please, Santana." She begged. She lifted her own hands up slowly and held them on top of Santana's, keeping them in place and stopping them from ever letting go.

Brittany would get down on her hands and knees and beg if that's what it would take but she knew it was all down to what Santana wanted.

Santana couldn't move. She didn't want to move. She would stay in this position forever if she could.

Yes.

That's all she had to say.

Yes.

And she could be happy for the last year of her life. She could be happy with Brittany.

Yes.

That's what she wanted to say, so bad.

"I can't Britt." She couldn't break Brittany's heart even if it's killing her doing this, she could never hurt her. Hurting Brittany would be the real death of her, not the hole in her heart.

The beating heart beneath her hands felt like it had stopped for a moment but Santana couldn't bring herself to see the hurt look on Brittany's face.

Brittany pulled her hands down to her sides and stepped away from Santana with an unreadable expression on her face. "You say you don't want to break my heart. But that's exactly what you've just done Santana." She stormed over to the door and slammed it shut behind her, tears pouring down her face.

Santana flinched at the earth shattering sound, slid down the wall and collapsed down to the ground into a sobbing, messy heap. She brought her knees up to her chest and ducked her head to hide her face.

She would stay with Brittany forever if she knew she had forever to be with the girl.

But she didn't have that time.

She had eleven measly months left to live.

She let her entire body shake with sobs. She didn't mean to hurt the blonde; she was trying to spare her the pain of losing someone you love.

Why did she have to have such a fucked up heart?

Brittany walked back into the kitchen expecting to see Quinn and Rachel but was surprised to find the rest of the apartment completely empty.

She hadn't heard them leave. She walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer, she slammed it down onto the counter and flinched at the echoing noise. She felt so angry; not only at Santana but at herself for thinking that anything could ever happen with her and her best friend.

She was being so stupid.

_Stupid. _

_Stupid. _

_Stupid_.

She slammed her fist down next to her beer and closed her eyes, wishing that everything would just go away, that everything would go back to normal.

She looked down at the kitchen counter to see a note and pen. She frowned as she picked up the piece of paper.

_Britt-_

_Sorry we didn't say good bye, we didn't want to disturb you. Call us if you need anything and we'll be there. If you need me to take some time off work to help out with anything, don't be afraid to ask. I think Rachel wants to get her hands on a duster and clean your place. She was twitching for ten minutes when she finally found a duster but i wouldn't let her clean._

Brittany giggled softly and wiped away the falling tears. What would she do without her friends?

She flipped the paper over to see another paragraph on the back.

_P.S-_

_We were thinking about what you said, about not knowing what to do anymore and I thought that maybe you could help take her mind of things. How about you get her to write a bucket list? She can do everything she's ever wanted and that could maybe help take her mind off everything?_

_Remember to call me if you need anything._

_Q. x_


	9. Chapter 9

Since it's valentine's day, I thought I would update early. I split this chapter into two because it was getting a bit long and anyway I like leaving you guys wanting more ;)

I just wanted to say I massive thank you to Perhaps Glee for being totally amazing!

Here's chapter 9!

Please review.

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Chapter 9

She hated feeling like everything in her life didn't matter anymore. She didn't want to feel like this but really, how could she not? It was like everything she had been working for, all of high school; her whole life had been a waist.

She'd completely smashed her phone to bits after her family wouldn't stop calling. She was sick of hearing how sorry they all were to hear her bad news. She didn't care about what they had to say. What good would it do them feeling sorry for her? Nothing they could say to her would make her feel better.

This was the fourth week she'd been locked away in her room. She hadn't seen a living soul in so long she wouldn't be surprised if there had been a zombie apocalypse. Even Brittany hadn't come in to ask her if she wanted food left out for her while she went to school or that her parents had called her again.

She missed the blonde so much.

But she knew she'd brought this all on herself.

She rolled over, let out a low groan and buried her face into her pillow. She heaved the bed sheets over her head so she was lying in complete darkness. Maybe if she closed her eyes and went to sleep everything would just go away?

No. She shook her head. She needed to sort herself out. She needed to get some fresh air. She needed to stop feeling sorry for herself and get herself back together.

She needed to get back to normal. Well, as normal as she could.

"Brittany! Wait up!" she didn't want to stop. If she stopped she would have to talk and she really didn't want to talk. Especially to her. "Brittany, please. We need to talk."

"No! We don't need to talk about anything. I don't need to talk to _you _or anyone for that matter." Brittany spun round on her heals to face her teacher. She could feel the bubble of anger she'd been keeping pent up inside of her, slowly beginning to rise. She knew she should keep calm. This woman wasn't worth her time.

Her teacher had purple and blue blotches all over her face, her bottom lip was split and if Brittany looked close enough she could see that her nose was slightly crooked. She shouldn't be please about that but she had to admit, Santana had done a pretty good job.

Brittany was surprised she hadn't been suspended or worse, expelled. But when she thought about it, she would have to explain what provoked Santana. Her teacher wouldn't risk losing her job.

"Yes we do." Her teacher lent forward and grabbed Brittany's arm to hold her still. Quicker than a flash, Brittany snatched it away and out of the other woman's reach.

"Don't you _dare _touch me." she snarled and began to jog out of the room.

"You're lucky I didn't get your girlfriend arrested. I mean she must get really jealous for her to go all crazy bitch on me like that." She shouted after the blonde.

Santana pulled on a pair of jeans and a hoodie before tying her hair up into a messy bun on the top of her head.

She needed to get out of the apartment. This wasn't healthy for her.

She couldn't live the final year of her life, in her room feeling depressed and sorry for herself. So she locked the door to her apartment and set off to wander round the streets of New York.

She'd missed the smell of petrol from all the cars that were driving past. She'd missed having to dodge nearly every person that walked past. Hell, she'd even missed the shit weather.

She'd missed the feeling of just being Santana.

She stepped out of Starbucks with her coffee to keep her warm and headed down the street towards 'Vibez'. She really needed to stop by and tell Mark she would be back working by next week. Quinn had explained everything to him and thankfully he was okay with it. He'd even come to visit her at home but she'd been asleep for most of it so they didn't really talk.

"Santana! What the hell?" Quinn come racing towards her as she walked through the door. The air was pushed out of her lungs as the blonde threw herself at the Latina and she let out a soft grunt at the impact. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I would have come and picked you up! I've missed you so much, S."

Santana chucked at the blonde spitting random sentences out. "I've missed you too, Q. I just needed some fresh air." She sighed happily and gave Quinn a genuine smile. "I figured I wasn't doing myself any good keeping myself locked up in my room and feeling sorry for myself. Anyway, I need to tell mark that I can come back to work next week."

Just as she said the final sentence Mark walked out of his office. "Santana! That would be great. As long as you feel up to it?" she nodded her head and gave the man a small hug. She could smell alcohol on his clothes from spending most of his time in a bar, it was somewhat comforting. She didn't know why. It just was.

The bar was never that busy during the day but it was almost dead today. There were three old men up at the bar grumbling about a football game their team had lost, a family in the far corner having lunch and a drunk couple dancing – if that's what you could even call it – very intensely, on the dance floor.

"Hey, Q. I was going to go meet Britt at school. Do you want to come?"

Brittany came to a screeching halt causing her to whack her left shoulder against the doorframe. She turned so slowly, that it was almost scary. She gave her teacher the coldest look she could that even Quinn would be proud of. "Don't talk about her. You don't know anything about her." she growled harshly.

The shorter woman took a step back in surprise. Who would have thought that sweet innocent Brittany would ever have it in her to be so intimidating and scary? "You should really keep her under control, Britt." She said with a childish tone, she was only trying to get a better reaction out of the girl, she never expected for her to throw herself across the room and punch her in the face.

"Shut the fuck up!" Brittany straddled the older woman's hips and brought her fists down to meet her face, her stomach, anywhere she could hit. "She's not my girlfriend." She punched her stomach. "You don't know anything about her." She lifted her hand and punched her face, repeatedly.

She was screaming so loud she was surprised no one had run in to see what all the commotion was about. "You're just as bad as she is. You're both fucking crazy!"

Tears were cascading from her eyes; she couldn't even see the woman beneath her anymore. The only thing she could hear was the throbbing of her heart in her ears. "She's dying!" she screamed in the woman's face. "She's got a year left to live before she dies." She hadn't stopped throwing punches against the other woman, she hadn't even realised that she was being punched back. "I can't be with the woman I love because she's dying!"

If she hadn't been so numb she would have felt the searing pain racing through her ribs and the side of her face.

"Brittany!" she didn't know where the voices came from, but before she knew it she was being hauled to her feet and away from her teacher. Two strong pairs of arms were wrapped around the front of her chest holding her away from the woman lying in the middle of the room, but she wasn't even wrestling with the people holding her.

She let them pull her out of the room and down the corridor. The next time she blinked she was outside in the falling snow.

She shook her head to rid it of the weird hazy feelings she would get whenever her emotions got too high. She swiped at the tears and blinked a few times. She almost smacked herself in the face when she realised who was standing in front of her.

"Santana?" she pinched her arm to make sure she wasn't dreaming. It had been four very long weeks since the Latina had left their apartment and here she was with Quinn standing next to her, both with completely shocked expressions on their faces. "What are you doing here?"

Santana ignored her question, "What the hell were you doing in there, Brittany?" she shouted.

Both Santana's and Quinn's eye's dragged down the blonde's body, no doubt inspecting the damage caused from the other woman's punches.

It took Brittany a second to remember what had actually happened. She was still in a little bit of shock. "She wanted to talk to me, I didn't want to talk to her." the bitterness she'd had in her voice earlier had returned but this time she wasn't using it against the two girls in front of her.

Quinn shook her head. "How many times am I going to have to drag one of you off of that woman?"

"You should have just walked away, Britt." Brittany couldn't figure out if Santana was mad, annoyed or confused. She couldn't read the expression on her face.

"That's what I was doing but then she said that I should keep my jealous girlfriend under control." This time she was directing her bitterness towards that Latina. She was so angry and frustrated about everything she couldn't keep it all bottled up anymore. "She said I was lucky she didn't get you arrested."

Santana's face turned white, her shoulders slumped and her eyes softened. "Britt-"

"No. it doesn't matter. I'll be expelled by tomorrow anyway. Everything is a complete, fucking mess. What's the point anymore?" Brittany turned away from the two women and walked off down the street. "What's the point?" she murmured to herself.

She held back the tears for as long as she could, until she knew she was out of eye sight and then let them fall. She didn't even bother to wipe them away. Streams of mascara ran down her face and she could taste the bitterness of salt and the makeup in her mouth.

At some point the snow had turned into hammering rain that was drenching her clothes all the way through to her underwear. Every time the water would hit her skin, it would feel like a thousand tiny needs stabbing her. Her hair was sticking to her face and she was pretty sure she would look utterly ridiculous to passers-by.

She ran up the stairs in her building skipping three steps at a time with her long legs. She slammed her door open and stormed into her bedroom; she tore off her clothes and climbed into the shower.

She collapsed down against the tiled wall and let the scorching water sting her body. She didn't feel the pain though. She couldn't feel anything. All the anger and other emotions inside of her had burnt out.

She suddenly felt a twinge of main next to her eye. She brought her fingers up slowly to touch it but when she pulled away her eyes bulged, there was red liquid streaming down her fingers and not just a little, there was a lot.

That was when she felt her whole body begin to ache and sting. She hadn't realised how many punches the other woman had thrown at her. She grabbed her ribs where it hurt most and pressed down. She groaned in pain and collapsed down to the floor.

Her fists were swollen and slowly turning purple, she knew she probably looked ridiculous.

She didn't want to get up and move.

It hurt too much.

She would stay where she was until there was no hot water falling from the shower head.

Quinn took Santana back to her apartment to help her calm down. "She just needs some time, San. If she's upset about that kiss you should let her have her own space for a while until you are both ready to talk about things." All Santana could do was nod. She'd explained everything to Quinn in the cab ride back to her apartment, how they both had feelings for each other, the kiss and then the argument.

Brittany had never spoken to her like that before and it hurt. But she knew it was all her fault.

"You can stay here for a few nights if you like, Santana?" Kurt and Blaine walked out of their room and stood in front of the two women. They looked like they were about to go out clubbing or something.

"I wouldn't want to overcrowd, where would I sleep? No offence Hummel but I'm not sleeping on this thing." She bounced up and down on the sofa with a devious grin on her face.

"You can share with me, San. Rach's got some rehearsal thing for school so she's staying over at a friend's house." Santana couldn't refuse; if Brittany wanted space then she would give her space.

**Britt, I'm staying over at Q's I thought you would maybe want some space. If you want me to come home just text me. – San x**

Brittany looked down at her phone screen. She didn't know why she felt upset and disappointed that the Brunette wouldn't be coming home tonight, it wasn't like they had spoken in the past four weeks.

It wouldn't be any different to any other night Brittany had sat up to the early hours of the morning watching friends over and over again, alone.

**Okay **

That's all she could think of to say. She knew she was probably making things difficult for the brunette, she had a lot to deal with lately and Brittany was just adding to everything else.

She threw her phone on the floor and brought her bed sheets up to her neck. She shouldn't be taking this out on Santana; she was only trying to do the right thing for the blonde.

That's all Santana was doing, looking out for the blonde and making sure that she wouldn't be as hurt as she should be. She was thinking of the blonde's feelings even though she was dying.

Santana climbed into bed along-side Quinn. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a sleep over with the blonde. It must have been before the whole Beth thing happened.

Since then she hadn't spent as much time as she should have been with Quinn. She hadn't really been a good friend to her either. In fact she'd been a complete bitch to her. They'd only started getting close again towards the end of senior year.

"_I'll make it up to her if it's the last thing I do." _

"Santana, are you okay?" she must have been day dreaming…

"Err, yeah I'm fine, sorry." She shook her head and turned to face Quinn. "Hey, Quinn?"

"Yes?" she replied sleepily, she must have had a long day. Santana could hear the blonde trying to stifle a yawn.

"I'm sorry I haven't been a very good friend since you had Beth." Quinn had just gotten used to talking about her baby but it was still a touchy subject. She turned to face Santana with a confused look. The Latina never apologised, for anything.

"It's okay. That was in high school. It doesn't matter now." She whispered reassuringly.

"No, it's not okay. I should have been there for you more." Santana sat up Indian style. Suddenly, all the things Santana felt she'd done wrong or should have done better was all knocking into her skull full forced.

"Santana, it's okay. You're a good friend now and that's all that matters. You shouldn't live in the past because before you know it you won't have a future." Quinn mirrored Santana's position and held the girls hands in hers.

"I don't want to die, Quinn." Santana cracked. The inevitable fact that she was going to die hit her. She'd been crying herself to sleep for the past month because she was completely overwhelmed by the news.

Now, she was crying because she really didn't want to die. She was too young. She wasn't even twenty yet.

Quinn pulled the Latina to sit in her lap and rocked her back and forth. "It's okay. It's okay." she cooed. Her own tears began to fall, her throat began to ache from holding back the sobs and her body was beginning to shake with all the pressure building up.

"You're my best friend, Quinn." Santana choked out between sobs. "Promise me something?"

"Anything." She looked down into Santana's eyes but she could barely see anything, her vision was completely clouded.

"Promise me, that when I'm gone, you'll look after-" She couldn't finish her sentence, it hurt too much to even think about Brittany being on her own never mind say it out loud. "Look after Britt of me, Quinn? Please?"

Quinn didn't know what to say. She knew the chances of Santana getting a new heart by then was slim, but she shouldn't be giving up.

"No. I won't promise that because I won't need to. Santana, you're going to be okay." She reached out and lifted Santana's face to meet her eyes. "You're going to live happily ever after with Brittany. You're going to have a wedding and a huge family. Just don't give up, Santana."

Santana shook her head, "Promise me, Quinn." She pleaded.

She couldn't hold in the sobs that were crushing her body from the inside. "I promise." She held Santana as close to her chest as she could. "I love you, Santana."

"I love you too, Quinn."


	10. Chapter 10

Hey guys! Updates might take a bit longer than usual at the moment, I have a lot of school work to keep up with and I've just broken up with my girlfriend so I haven't really been in the mood to write. But next update should be before Monday. Again, thank you to everyone who reviews and answers my questions.

Perhaps Glee, you're amazing ;)

Another question: what sort of things would you like to see on Santana's bucket list?

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Chapter 10

She didn't know why she was awake. She just remembered dreaming about a beach somewhere hot – it could have been Spain for all she knew – with Brittany lying next to her in a rather revealing bikini and then she was awake and lying in complete darkness, and very disappointed.

The silence was almost deafening.

The room was still dark and unfamiliar, it smelled different to her room and the bed sheets were thinner and scratchy. She shifted on her side to get comfortable but there was a heavy weight over her waist holding her still.

That's when it all came back to her; she was in Quinn's bed. It was Quinn's arm around her waist. She'd stayed the night instead of going home because she was giving Brittany her space.

She turned to face Quinn who lying like a star fish across the bed taking up more than half of the space. _"How does Berry cope?"_ she tried to stifle the giggle that was threatening to break free.

Every time the blonde would let out a breath of air, the stray bits of hair that had fallen over her face would flutter with her breath. She'd almost think it was cute if it wasn't from the ridiculously loud snoring.

"_Brittany doesn't snore." _She thought with a soft sigh.

An aching pain began to build up in her gut as the memories of the previous day's events began to come back to her. She couldn't believe what she had seen when she'd walked into the dance studio with Quinn. She had _never _seen Brittany that angry before. Brittany had never been in a fight before and to see her punching her teacher in her face like that was scary.

Santana had heard what the blonde was shouting, and it pained her to think about it. _"I can't be with the woman I love because she's dying!" _the words echoed through her mind over and over again.

Suddenly, she was pulled away from her thoughts when a crash of thunder echoed through the sky outside causing her whole body to jolt into an upright position.

Her thoughts immediately went to Brittany. Had she heard it as well? Was she scared? She'd probably heard it; their apartment was only three blocks away.

That's what must have woken her up before. She was suddenly very aware of the rain clattering against the window. She looked over to the clock on the bedside table; it was only 01:36am.

If Brittany had heard the thunder she must be terrified, she'd never liked thunderstorms when they were younger, sometimes the blonde would be close to tears when she climbed into bed with Santana.

She still hated them now.

Screw it. She wasn't going to leave the blonde when she could be scared out of her mind, even if things between them were sort of fucked up.

She threw the bed sheets off her body and began to throw her clothes on top of the sleep shirt and sweats Quinn had let her borrow.

"Santana?" she spun round to see Quinn sitting up in her bed with a hazy expression on her face and her hair still covering part of her face. "What's wrong?" she sounded completely exhausted.

"Thunder storm." She mumbled as she pulled on her hoodie. "Brittany gets scared." She pulled her keys and phone into her pocket and walked over to the bedroom door. "Go back to sleep, everything's okay. Thank you for letting me stay tonight, Quinn."

"Any time. I'll come see you tomorrow." She lay back down and closed her eyes, snoring almost immediately.

And with that she was out of the door and running the three blocks there was between Quinn's and her apartment, rain pelting her skin and drenching her clothes.

Brittany's heart was racing.

Whenever that noise would echo through the sky she would jump nearly a foot off the bed with a scream. She'd curled up into a ball at the head of her bed with the bed sheets wrapped tightly around her body.

She was gripping one of Santana's tee shirts tightly to her chest and clinging to her phone debating whether or not it was a good idea to text the brunette or not.

She could still smell Santana's sent on the tee shirt in her hands, but it wasn't calming her down like it would if she was actually here. She had got up before and began to walk to Santana's room but then realised she wasn't there, and she probably wouldn't want to talk to her anyway if she was. So she'd climbed back into bed and wrapped herself up. She bit down onto her bottom lip to fight back the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

She knew it was stupid to be scared of thunder storms at her age, but she hadn't ever gotten used to them by herself, she'd always had Santana. The brunette would always find a way to get to the blonde's house even if the streets were flooding and hail that was falling the size of golf balls.

What would she do without Santana in her life?

She unlocked her phone and typed out a new text.

**I need you **

She didn't even have a chance to press send when she hear the front door burst open.

"Britt?" Santana shouted as she raced through the apartment and made her way up to Brittany's room. Her face was stinging with the icy rain and her clothes were dripping water onto the wood floor.

She tore off her hoodie along with her sweats, shoes and every other item of clothing but her underwear as she ran through the body of their home, careful to dodge her sofa and other various objects that were blocking her path.

"Are you okay, Britt?" she stammered out as the door to Brittany's room clicked open to reveal the blonde curled up into a mess of bed sheets and body parts.

Her wet hair clung to her face and her neck. She stepped further into the blonde's room but stopped at the end of the bed when Brittany didn't say anything.

"Sa- Santana?" she couldn't speak. Had Santana just ran all the way home? "I… What are you doing here?" she whispered in complete disbelief.

"You don't like thunder storms." She shrugged casually. Then something caught her eye. "Is that my tee shirt?" the corners of her lips were threatening to turn up into a smile but she fought to keep her face serious.

Brittany looked down at the tee shirt in her hands like she'd just noticed it for the first time. She pulled it closer to her chest and gave Santana an awkward look. "No…" even a death blind person wouldn't have believed her.

She began to slowly unwrap herself from her protective ball and straightened out her sheets on the bed.

"Are you okay, Britt?" Santana asked again.

"I'm fine…" she replied like she hadn't just been caught in a terrified mess. As if on cue, a crackle of thunder boomed through the sky. "FUCKING HELL!" she screamed, clutched the tee shirt closer to her body and buried herself under the sheets.

Santana scurried over to the other side of the bed and climbed in behind Brittany. She shuffled over so that the front of her body was pressed against the blonde's and wrapped her arm around her waist. "I'm here, you're okay." she cooed sweetly into her ear. With her free hand she raked her fingers through the blonde her until she felt the blonde relax in her arms.

She sighed and laced her fingers with Santana's revelling in the feeling of the brunette's half naked body-

Wait, what?

Her whole body tensed up.

Brittany could feel bare skin against her shoulder blades and thighs. Santana was half naked and in her bed? She clenched her thighs tightly together, trying to stop the steady throbbing that was starting to form in between her legs.

What the fuck was going on?

She could feel Santana's wet hair against her skin and the odd shiver that would emanate from her body, whether it was from the cold or just being this close to the blonde.

Santana traced her fingers down the blonde's ribs trying to sooth the girl but at the contact Brittany jolted away from her hand.

"What's wrong, Britt?" Santana leaned up on her elbow to look down at the blonde's face. Her eyes were screwed tightly shut and a small grimace was forming on her lips.

Santana slowly reached down and slid the blonde's top up so she could see the milky skin. Her eyes widened in horror when she saw a dark purple and red blotch that covered most of her rib cage. "Britt!"

"It doesn't hurt that bad, it looks worse than it really is." At Brittany's words, Santana reached down and softly placed the pad of her finger on the skin; Brittany immediately flinched and let out a groan.

"Don't lie to me, Britt-Britt." Santana whined softly. She rapidly blinked away the tears that were forming behind her lids.

"Okay, it hurts like a bitch. It took me an hour and a half to get out of the shower because it hurts every time I move. I couldn't put any ice on it because I can't bend over to get into the freezer and I've wanted to phone you to come home all night but I didn't think you wanted to see me." Brittany turned slowly onto her back so she could see Santana's face.

"Brittany," Santana sighed sadly, "I'll always want to see you. You're my best friend, I love you."

"Don't say that." Brittany muttered. It hurt her insides every time Santana would tell her she loved her. She didn't know if she meant it as a best friend or more than that but she hated it because she wanted to say it back so badly but she couldn't because they couldn't be more than friends.

Santana dropped her face into the crook of Brittany's neck, her warm breath caressing her skin. Brittany's sent began to swamp her senses and she struggled to find her voice amongst the haziness the blonde caused in her mind. "I'm sorry, Brittany." She fought the urge to kiss her neck and slowly pulled away.

Brittany whined at the loss of breath against her neck.

Suddenly, Santana was throwing the covers off her and walking towards the bedroom door. "I'll be right back." She whispered with a soft smile. Brittany nodded and shifted on her bed trying to get into a comfortable position but her ribs were begging to throb along with her eye.

She ran out into the kitchen, grabbed a bag of ice out of the freezer and placed it onto the kitchen counter. She then strode over to her bathroom, pulled out a first aid kit from the cupboard; she fiddled around in the box for a few moments until she found what she was looking for. "I hope it doesn't hurt too much…" she mumbled to herself.

She flung a towel lazily over her shoulder and walked back out into the kitchen, picked up the bag of ice and headed back to Brittany's room.

She couldn't hold back her laugh when she walked back into Brittany's room. The blonde was just too cute. She'd fallen asleep with her hair sprawled out across her face, her mouth was slightly parted like it always did when she was sleeping and her right leg was tucked up to her chest and was still holding Santana's old cheerios top.

Santana giggled and sat down Indian style on the bed next to Brittany's sleeping body. She neatly wrapped the bag of ice up in the towel and held it gently against the blonde's ribs.

Brittany flinched at the unknown sensation against her skin and her eye's flickered slowly flickered open. "San…" she whispered groggily to the Latina that was leaning over her.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm just going to clean up your cut on your eye, hold the ice still." She cooed softly and pulled out a packet of alcohol wipes. "Try not to move, okay? This might hurt."

Brittany just nodded a clenched her eyes shut. Santana brought the wipe up to meet this decent sized cut next to the blonde's left eye.

"Ow! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Brittany cursed as she pulled out of reach of the brunette, almost falling onto the floor.

"Shit. Britt, are you okay?"

"That hurt!" Brittany pouted as she moved closer to Santana with watery eyes.

"I'm sorry, Britt. Don't pout; you know what that does to me." Santana could feel her heart melting in her chest at the sight before her. She was fighting an internal battle with herself to stop from reaching out and kissing the pout off of her lips.

She shook her head to rid it of the thought and tapped her lap. "Lie down, I'll try not to make it hurt as much."

The blonde looked up warily, "You promise?"

Santana smiled and held out her pinkie for the blonde to take. "I promise."

She dabbed the wipe against the cut put pulled away quickly and began to blow soothingly on top of the cut. Brittany was grabbing the bag of ice and Santana's thigh so tight her knuckles had turned white.

She pulled out some butterfly stitches and covered the cut. She leaned down and pressed her lips against the now clean cut without even thinking about it, "All better?"

Brittany was frozen; the left side of her face had gone numb where the Latina had kissed and her mouth had turned dry. She nodded meekly and attempted to move out of Santana's lap but gave up when her ribs started to pound in pain. "I can't move…"

Santana smiled, "are you comfy?" Brittany nodded shyly. "Well so am I, so we can go to sleep like this." Santana leaned back against the pillows and began to rake her fingers through the long blonde hair.

Santana shivered as the cold air in the room – intensified by the back of ice -finally began to settle on her skin. "Can I have my tee shirt, Britt?"

Brittany's face turned red with embarrassment as she handed the clothing over to Santana. "I… I…" she tried to find the words to explain herself but found herself blushing even further.

Santana giggled shyly, "it's okay, Britt. I don't mind you stealing my clothes, just as long as you keep away from my underwear." She teased. Brittany slapped her thigh playfully causing Santana to wiggle out of reach, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She chuckled.

"I don't steal your clothes." She pouted with a light pink blush climbing up her cheeks and reaching the tips of her ears. "I just got scared… and you… you make me feel safe, Santana." She couldn't make any eye contact with the Latina, scared in case she thought she was stupid or pathetic. She began to let her eyes wander the room but wouldn't let them look into the Latina's.

Suddenly, Santana's heart didn't feel so fucked up. She could feel it skip a beat but for all the right reasons. "Britt," she tried to get the blonde's attention but her eyes were focused on the bedside lamp. "Britt-Britt, look at me." Ocean blue eyes flickered up to meet dark chocolate brown, "I will always be here to keep you safe. I'll never let anything or anyone hurt you."

Brittany's heart welled at the thought and her face sported a huge grin that couldn't be wiped off even if a midget hit her in the face with a baseball bat, really, really hard.

Santana kept her eyes on the blonde and placed her hands on her cheeks. She leaned down and placed her lips on Brittany's. Brittany's eyes fluttered closed and stars erupted in front of her, her breath caught in her chest.

Because of the awkward position, Brittany was kissing Santana upside down but she didn't care, she felt completely amazing in that single moment.

To Brittany, the kiss was a promise that Santana would always be there for her and that she would never let anything hurt her. But to Santana, it meant that she would fight for her life with Brittany, she would fight against this stupid heart so she could live the rest of her life with the woman she loved.

She just couldn't promise that she would win.

They both knew that this kiss didn't mean that they were together. They both knew it wasn't that easy for the Latina to just push all her fears of hurting the blonde to the back of her mind and admit her undying love. She was still terrified about leaving her heart broken.

Santana reluctantly pulled away from the blonde's lips and stared longingly into her eyes. She wiped away the falling tears and smiled softly.

"A bucket list." Brittany blurted out softly, the memory of Quinn's note coming back to her.

Santana tipped her head to the side and gave a lopsided grin. "What are you talking about?" she giggled.

"You should write a bucket list. All the things you want to do before you-" she cut herself off and diverted her eye. She couldn't say it. She hadn't even been able to say it to herself yet – not including the time she was punching her teacher, that didn't count. She was beyond pissed and just word vomiting - never mind Santana. She blinked back the tears that were ready to fall. She wouldn't let herself cry in front of Santana.

"Britt, that's a great idea." Santana whispered before planting a soft kiss on the blonde's forehead. "Now how about we get some sleep it's really late. And you have school in like three hours." She wriggles carefully down the bed so she was spooning Brittany.

"I'll probably get expelled." She muttered to herself and closed her eyes.

"Don't think like that. If anyone asks, just tell them the truth. About how she tried to kiss you and then about me and what's going on at home." She pressed closer against the warm body in front of her. "Everything will be okay, Brittany." She linked her pinkie with Brittany's and watched as she slowly fell asleep.

Santana couldn't sleep however, and lay awake picturing the look on Brittany's face when she mentioned the list. She couldn't say the word "die"; she'd seen the look in the blonde's eyes. A flicker of what? What was it? Was she scared, angry, confused? She didn't know, so she buried her face deeper into blonde hair and inhaled her sweet sent for the second time that night.

"_A bucket list?" _wasn't that just as good as giving up? Wouldn't she have to admit to everyone she was dying?

There was still a chance she would get a new heart right? So what if she was low down on the transplant list, she could get moved up.

There could be some amazing miracle that this was all just a dream and she would wake up in that hospital bed with a bad case of dehydration and none of this would have happened.

Brittany wouldn't be lying in bed with an ice pack on her ribs and a good sized cut on her face, she wouldn't have risked getting kicked out of her dream school.

And Santana wouldn't have to be taking four pills a day to keep herself alive.

But was a bucket list really a good idea? Writing down all the things she wanted to do before she died would really hurt, especially if most of them were things she wanted to experience with the blonde. Every time she would accomplish something, she would have to think of the reason she was doing it. The fact that she was dying shouldn't be that reason.

She'd have to sleep on it.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Brittany sat on the edge of her bed with the most adorable pout on her face Santana had ever seen. She had to summon up all the will power she possessed to stop herself from giving into the blonde's adorableness.

"You can't, Britt. You have to go to school." Santana sighed and walked out of the blonde's bedroom, still wearing her tee shirt she'd caught Brittany hugging the night before.

Brittany followed close behind; she reached out to grab the Latina's shoulder and spun her round to face her. "Santana, this is your first hospital appointment since all of this started. I want to be there for you." Brittany pleaded, her pout never leaving her face. "Anyway, it's not like I should even bother going to school. I'm going to get expelled."

Santana sat the blonde down on the sofa and handed her a cup of coffee. "If the hospital had let me know sooner that they wanted me to come in today, I would let you come, Brittany."

"_Wanky…" _

"But you have to go to school, if you don't they'll just think you're guilty and you've already missed way too much of school because of me." Santana held Brittany's free hand with her own. "Everything will be okay, Britt."

"No, it won't." Brittany dropped her gaze down to their hands. "I'm going to be in so much trouble, San."

"Brittany, look at me." Santana used her free hand and cupped the blonde's cheek and turned her to face her. "Just tell them what happened. If you tell them about her trying to kiss you then you won't be in as much trouble. But if it gets too much for you, just call me and I'll be right there, okay?" Brittany nodded sadly but one hundred per cent sure that what the brunette was say was true.

Santana smiled reassuringly at the blonde before reluctantly pulling her hand away. "Now go and get ready or you'll be late." She giggled as the pout returned to Brittany's face and she disappeared into her bedroom.

Santana wasn't going to lie; she was fucking terrified about this appointment. She didn't know if she could handle any more bad news. What if they told her they had made a mistake and instead of one year it was six months or less? What if they told her that she would never get a new heart?

She shook her head and pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind. She shouldn't be thinking like that. She had to stay strong – or at least look like she was coping – for appearance purposes. She couldn't let Brittany see how scared she was.

She walked into her bedroom and pulled on some clean leggings, a white tank top and her converse. She pulled her hair up into a messy bun and pulled on a black leather jacket. She checked herself in the mirror to make sure she looked presentable and walked back out to the kitchen to say bye to Brittany.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Brittany asked her as soon as she entered the kitchen.

"Britt, please don't make me say yes you know I can't resist that pout." Santana sighed as she made herself some toast. "You need to go to school and make sure they all know you haven't done anything wrong."

Brittany sighed and started to mumble something under her breath. Santana couldn't hear so started to speak. "Blaine's picking me up in half an hour, he insisted he come for moral support." She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Quinn had an early shift at work and mark wouldn't let her off." She took a bite out of her toast and covered her mouth as she carried on talking. "If anything goes wrong, I promise I'll call you okay?"

A look of panic covered the blonde's face. "What's going to go wrong? Oh god! Has something gotten worse?" She ran over to the Latina and grabbed her arms, slowly turning her in her spot trying to find any sign of injury or anything that could tell her something was wrong.

"Britt," Santana giggled sweetly and pulled her hands away. "I'm fine. I meant hypothetically."

Brittany's face turned pink and her mouth made an 'o' shape. "Oh, okay. That's good." She smiled shyly and walked over to her bag that was sitting on the back of the sofa. "I better get going then." She walked over to Santana and pulled her into a warm hug. "Everything will be okay." she could hear the uncertainty in her own voice however, and tried to cover it up with a cough.

"Call me if you need me." Santana smiled as the blonde nodded and left for school.

Santana leaned against the sofa drowning in her thought of what was going to happen at the hospital. They wouldn't have called so early in the morning if it wasn't an emergency. Oh god, she's freaking out now.

She could feel her heart rate accelerate and pound against her rib cage. She was totally freaking out; it wasn't good for her heart to be beating this fast. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her breathing but she couldn't stop panicking.

The room suddenly started to spin and every step she took she felt like the ground was moving away from her.

She reached out in front of her to grab the sink edge to hold her up. She took in three deep breaths before filling up a glass of water and taking two pills, she knew this wouldn't stop a panic attack but it made her feel safer.

There was a knock at the front door but she wouldn't let herself move in case she fell. "Co- come in!" she stuttered out loud enough for whoever was on the other side of the door to hear her.

She clenched her eyes shut and willed herself to calm down before whoever it was could see her.

"You know, you shouldn't just let people come in your home. I could have been a murderer or rapist." The familiar voice mused. "Oh god, Santana! What's wrong?" Blaine ran over to Santana and put an arm around her lower back steadying her as he led them both into the living room.

"I'm… just freaking… out." She gasped as she tried to heave in the much needed air. They sat down on the sofa, Blaine rubbed small circles in between her shoulder blades trying to help her calm down.

"It's okay. You don't need to panic; I'm going to be there with you." He whispered soothingly into her ear. And oddly enough, Santana felt herself slowly calming down. The small ache in her chest she would get anytime her heart would start doing something it shouldn't slowly faded and her breathing began to go back to normal.

"Thank you." She said quietly under her breath, a tingle of red forming on her cheeks. She still didn't feel comfortable letting the real her out in front of anyone but Brittany and Quinn. She wasn't used to being nice to people, she had gotten so accustomed to just putting people down every chance she got being nice felt odd.

Blaine smiled sweetly. "Are you ready to go?" he stood up spinning his keys round his index finger. Santana nodded and stood up, following Blaine to the door.

Brittany's heart was racing as she made her way to her third lesson that day, thankfully no one had asked her why she had a black eye and she hadn't gotten into trouble yet. So far her day was going okay.

That was until she was pulled out of lesson by three teachers she hadn't seen around school before. She suddenly felt nauseous as she was led down the corridor to the head teacher's office. Her hands shook and all the blood had drained from her face. She knew what was coming but that didn't stop her from panicking any less.

She sat in a chair apposite the head's desk, her eyes glued to her hands in her lap. A group of teachers had come to stand in the room with her talking quietly amongst themselves.

"_Oh shit. Oh shit." _She breathed in slow shaky breaths trying to calm herself. Everyone in the room fell silent when the door behind her opened and closed, two pairs of footsteps walked towards her.

An elderly woman with dark grey hair sat in the chair behind the desk and a small – small to Brittany- ginger woman sat in the chair next to her with dark purple bruises all over her face.

"I didn't have my morning coffee this morning and I have lots of paper work that needs filling in, so we'll just jump right in." she clasped her hands together on top of the desk and leant forward making eyes contact with both women. "Miss Pierce, why did you attack a member of staff?"

Brittany's mouth went dry and she couldn't find her voice. She just stared up at the head teacher doe eyed. She gave Brittany a soft smile for her to start talking and leant back in her chair. "She… said I needed to control my girlfriend." She stuttered out. "She's not my girlfriend." She added quietly.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the other woman's body tense and go rigid. Apparently Brittany wasn't the only one who had noticed this; her head teacher cocked an eye brow and gave her a strange look.

"Why would she tell you to do this?"

"Because she attacked me." the ginger woman next to her butted in but the head teacher held up a hand to silence her.

"Is this true?" Brittany nodded. "Well there must have been a reason behind her actions. Am I correct?" The blonde nodded again.

Brittany turned to face the other woman next to her with a helpless expression on her face. "She made a pass at me." she said meekly. There was a heavy, awkward silence in the room and all eyes landed on the ginger woman now slouched in her chair. She very much resembled a deer caught in headlights.

"Brittany, what are you doing?" she snapped at the blonde. "This is my career you're ruining here." Her eyes were so cold. The complete opposite to what Brittany had been used to.

"This is my education." Brittany retorted.

"Is this true, Amanda?" the head teacher asked the woman next to Brittany. _"Amanda, that's a pretty name…" _Brittany thought to herself but mentally slapped herself for being stupid, she needed to stay focussed.

Amanda nodded her head sadly and ducked her head. "Nothing happened though." She jumped in to try and defend herself.

"You still tried to kiss a student, that's against school policy _and _against the law." The head teacher stated, as if no one knew already.

Amanda ducked her head and nodded sadly. "However, I still do not understand why you attacked a teacher, Brittany." All attention returned to her.

Just as Brittany was about to start talking, Amanda butted in. "Brittany was upset because her friend is dying." She looked over to Brittany cautiously to make sure she wasn't offending her.

"Is this true?" Brittany slumped back in her chair, let out a long shaking breath and nodded. She couldn't start talking about that now. She couldn't break down in front of a whole bunch of teachers.

Santana and Blaine sat side by side in Mr Richardson's office, her hand was gripping his so hard that his fingers had begun to turn purple but he wasn't complaining as long as she kept calm. Her legs bopped up and down, echoing the speed of her heart beat.

"Why is he taking so long?" she clenched her mouth shut again cared that if she kept it open for too long she would be sick.

"He's just gone to collect your blood and heart rate test results; he's only been three minutes tops." Blaine used his free hand to pat her thigh but nothing seemed to be calming the Latina.

Just as was about to stand up and run for the hills, the doctor walked into the room with a smile on his face. "Thank you for waiting, Santana."

"Not like I had a choice." She said snidely.

He let out a breathy chuckle and sat opposite them with a stack of papers in is hands. "Your test results show that the pills you are taking are keeping your heart rate to a reasonable level but soon your system will get used to them so will have to boost them up." He was trying to make it easier for the Latina to understand so when she nodded he carried on.

"At the moment you haven't been moved up the transplant list but that couldn't be due to many reasons. But if it was up to me and I was you, I would let my hair down and have a little fun for a while."

Santana knew what he was insinuating. He wanted her to have fun while she still could because before she knew it she wouldn't be able to do anything she wanted anymore.

"But no alcohol, try to cut down on caffeine or drink decaf and less salty food." She groaned at the thought of not having coffee in the morning. "I'm sorry for phoning you so early, this was the only spare time I had in my schedule for two weeks so I thought I'd get you in now. I hope I didn't panic you."

"No, that was fine." She said as if she hadn't had a massive panic attack an hour earlier.

Blaine grinned at the brunette but decided now to say anything that could possibly get him killed.

"Thank you for coming at such short notice, if you have any more worries or questions please feel free to call my office." He smiled kindly as the two brunettes in front of him stood up to leave.

"Thank you, doctor." Blaine said shaking his hand before following Santana out of the room.

Brittany let her body be submerged into the scorching water in her bath. She closed her eyes and let the steam around her relax her muscles and pounding head.

She was so relieved when the head teacher had excused everyone from the room. Even if she had just been tolled she had been expelled from the school, she hadn't been as upset as she thought she would have been.

But what she really felt bad about more than anything, was that she'd had to watch a teacher lose a job she loved doing. She'd watched the woman break down into a sobbing heap in her chair and had to be carried out of the room because she couldn't walk.

She felt so bad that she'd just single headedly ruined a woman's life.

"Brittany?" she heard the familiar voice shout from the other side of her bathroom door. "Can I come in?"

"Yes!" Brittany rearranged the bubbles in the water to cover up most of her body just leaving her head peeking out the water.

"How was school?" Santana asked sweetly as she sat down next to the bath facing the blonde. Brittany sighed, tipped her head back and closed her eyes. She pinched the bridge of her nose and held back a groan.

"That bad huh?" Santana sighed as she brought her fingers up to run through blonde locks.

"I got expelled." Brittany's bottom lip quivered and she held back a sob that was about to break through.

"Oh Britt. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" Santana felt her heart breaking in her chest. She felt like this was all her fault. She hated to see the blonde cry and she hated that she felt partly responsible.

"They said that I was a liability to other students if I could snap that easy with a teacher with only a little aggravation." She finally let her eyes open to land on dark chocolate ones staring right back at her. If she hadn't been so upset she might've blushed.

Santana clenched her fists in her lap and took in a deep shaky breath to calm herself. She knew Brittany was upset over her, maybe if she hadn't made her angry she wouldn't have been kicked out. She couldn't bring herself to talk; she knew if she did all that would come out would be a string of verbal abuse and violent thoughts.

"You know what hurts more though? I had to watch while a teacher lost a job she loved doing more than anything, and had to be carried out of the room because she broke down and couldn't move." Brittany swiped at the tears that had begun to fall.

"Britt, that wasn't your fault. She was the one who made pass at you. She knew what she was risking. Don't blame yourself." She leaned over the bath and pulled the blonde into her arms, completely forgetting that she was butt naked.

Brittany froze in Santana's arms but nodded none the less. When she finally let the blonde go her eyes wandered down Brittany's chest and stopped at her breasts. Her eyes bugged at how perfect they looked. She pulled her hands down to her sides to stop herself from reaching out and touching.

Brittany watched as Santana's eyes grew darker and eventually hooded. She wanted so badly for her to reach out and touch…

Santana suddenly shook her head and stood up. "Sorry… I err…" she stumbled out the bathroom without another word.

Brittany quickly followed with a small white towel wrapped around her body that left nothing for the minds imagination. The ends of her hair were dripping streams of water down her shoulders and leaving little puddles on the floor.

"Santana?" she followed her into the living room and sat down next to her on the sofa. "It's okay." she giggled when Santana was about to start apologising.

Santana looked down with an embarrassed looking smile on her face, a deep red flush climbing up her cheeks that even reached the tips of her ears. "Who wouldn't want to check out the twins?" she teased with an amused smile and a wink.

"I… err… you…" Santana stuttered as she watched a single drip of water travel down the valley in between her breasts, her mouth turning dryer than a desert and slowly dropped open.

Before she could embarrass herself further, Brittany pulled her into a hug and reassured her one last time that it was okay and walked back to her room to get changed. "Quinn text me earlier, she said we're having a party here next week. She's invited all the glee kids." Brittany shouted through to Santana. "And out parents." She added a little more quietly, not wanted to panic the other girl.

Santana groaned at the thought of her mother giving her a lecture in front of all of her friends. "Why do we have to have it here?" she shouted back.

"Their place is too small for everyone to fit." She replied walking out of her room with a towel on her head. "Come on it'll be fun!" she pouted, knowing that Santana couldn't resist.

"Okay, okay. Party time!" she shouted with a grin, her hands shooting up into the air and waving around.


	12. Chapter 12

Longest chapter yet! i hope you all like this, took me a while to write it.

I'm loving the reviews and PM's keep them coming!

updates might take a little longer but should be at least two a week maybe three if you're nice to me ;)

enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 12

"Fuck!" Santana sprayed the liquid in her mouth over the two unfortunate blonde girls sitting opposite her. "This stuff tastes like shit!" She walked over to the sink and poured the last of the decaf coffee down the drain. "How do you expect me to last the entire day without coffee?" Santana asked incredulously waving her arms around for emphasis.

Brittany used the sleeve of her sweater to wipe away the coffee that was dripping off her face. "The doctor said no caffeine, San." She scolded. "It will mess up your heart beat, right?" she turned to look at Quinn to make sure she was right. When Quinn nodded a huge smile spread across her lips and even reached her eyes.

Truth is, Brittany had stayed up most nights in the past week looking on the internet for information about Santana's condition, crying over and over again as she read the chances of the brunette ever getting a new heart or all the life stories people had put on websites for others to read.

Admittedly, she had fallen asleep more than twice with her face on the key bored so she'd woken up with squares all over her face. Santana couldn't stop laughing at her though so it wasn't all bad.

"But it's disgusting, B!" Santana wined like a three year old.

"I don't care. I'm not going to lose you just because you were too stubborn to stop drinking coffee." Brittany said coldly and with a little more emotion than she'd meant to use. "I di-" Brittany couldn't speak; she knew Santana hated when people said stuff like that.

Quinn froze as she looked between the two girls in front of her. Expecting the Latina to snap at the blonde or to break down into a fit of tears she moved away and backed herself into a corner.

But what happened was the complete opposite to what she expected. Santana turned to the blonde and gave her an unreadable look before slowly leaving the kitchen. Her bedroom door slammed behind her causing both blonde's to flinch.

"Shit." Brittany mumbled and sat back down on the stool. Quinn finally decided to leave the safety of her corner and sat down with the taller girl.

"It's okay, Britt. She's just moody because she hasn't had her coffee in a week." She reassured Brittany while she wiped up the remainder of the sprayed liquid. Brittany knew she was right but she still felt bad.

"Come on, we got to get this place ready for tonight!" Quinn announced trying to get Brittany's mind off of Santana for a little while.

Quinn walked over to a box of alcohol and started setting it out on a table they had sat up by the far window in the living room, she set out some bottles of coke and other fizzy pop for mixing in with the alcohol and for Santana since she couldn't be drinking any of her beloved Jack Daniels.

Brittany was rushing around the kitchen cleaning everything before moving on to other parts of the apartment trying to make it look presentable. She was so nervous about seeing her parents. She missed them so much; she hadn't spoken to them in a little over a month but what she was more worried about was them being in a room with her friends. She knew they like Quinn and Santana the three had been friends forever but they hadn't met her other friends and she was scared in case they didn't like them.

She knew her parents were hard to please, very judgmental and kind of homophobic-

Oh god, Kurt and Blaine, Quinn and Rachel. Oh god. "Oh god!" they hadn't seen Quinn since the start of senior year; they didn't know she was gay. "Quinn!" she practically screamed at the top of her lungs.

Seconds later Quinn charged into the kitchen closely followed by Santana, both wearing panicked looks and looking around the room for danger. "What's wrong?" they both shouted. Santana rushed to Brittany's side and wrapping her arms around her waist, all awkwardness from earlier completely gone.

"You're gay, Quinn!" both girls looked at each other and then to Brittany with confused expressions.

"I know, B. I've been with Rachel for seven months…" she said slowly making sure she understood.

Brittany shook her head flustered. "My parents don't know!" she waved her hands around to empathise her point.

The two girls in front of her looked at each other before both of their expression turned hard and cold as realisation settled in. "Oh." They both said in unison.

"Oh god." Brittany started to panic again. Both Santana and Quinn knew Brittany's parents well enough to know that they wouldn't approve of homosexuals.

"It's okay, Brittany. I'll tell Rachel, Blaine and Kurt that we have to cut down the PDA for the night, okay?" she reassured the blonde.

"I'm sorry, I just don't want them freaking everyone out or giving you all a lecture." Brittany sighed sadly but Quinn just shook her head and held up her hand to say it was all okay.

"Now come on we need to get this place ready!" Quinn shouted as she clapped her hands and ushered the two girls out of the kitchen and gave them both jobs to get done before the party.

Santana and Brittany went back to normal like Brittany had never made the comment about the coffee. Quinn just rolled her eyes, she'd known the girls for most of her life but she still couldn't understand them sometimes.

Maybe it was just because they were so madly in love with each other, little arguments and mood swings didn't natter like it did to other people. She could understand that, she and Rachel were exactly the same. Well apart from the fact the Rachel had the worst mood swings known to man and would drive any person insane no matter how much you loved her.

Quinn giggled at herself and rolled her eyes just like Santana would if she could hear the blonde's thoughts. She looked back over to Brittany and Santana who were cuddled up on the sofa picking and the snacks that were meant for the party. She thought it was ridiculous that they still hadn't started dating yet. Santana could be so stubborn sometimes.

Music pounded through apartment vibrating off all the walls – Santana was surprised no one had come round to complain about it yet - and sending ripples through Santana glass of coke. She frowned down at the drink in her hand then turned to Rachel next to her who was drinking a 'sex on the beach'.

"Just a little one?" she moaned at Rachel practically begging the girl. Her mouth was watering at the thought of sipping on a Jack Daniels.

"No, Santana. I will not be held responsible for you collapsing or dropping dead on us." She deadpanned.

Santana was slightly taken aback by how Rachel could just blurt that stuff out when everyone else around her acted so cautiously and awkward about the whole situation. She scowled harshly at the girl who just shrugged and smiled back at her. "Watch it, Berry." She smiled back before heading off to help Brittany and Quinn with whatever they were doing.

However, before she could reach the blonde there was knocking at the door. "Early much?" she mumbled to herself. They'd told people the party started at seven, but when people give a time they usually mean turn up two hours later so that meant it was either their parents or Kurt and Blaine.

She carelessly opened the door with a blank expression on her face but when she saw who was standing in her doorway her eyes bugged, her breath hitched and her mouth turned dry. "Mamá y papá." She mumbled. "Come in…" she stepped to the side to let her parents in; she hadn't expected them to even turn up.

"This is Rachel." She gestured over to the smaller brunette who had already extended her hand out to Santana's parents and was introducing herself. "Mr and Mrs Lopez, it is a pleasure to meet you." She slurred slightly tipsily.

"Nice to meet you to, Rachel. I'm Marco and this is my wife Maribel." he smiled kindly at the brunette in front of him.

Her father seemed to like her and had started a full on conversation with the girl about what she was doing at NYADA. Her mother just stood to the side and nodded her head.

Santana excused herself and ran off to the kitchen. "Q! Your girlfriend is talking to my parents. Go out and make sure she doesn't get eaten alive." She hissed.

Quinn nodded with a giggle. "Yes boss!" she saluted and stumbled from the kitchen.

"Fuck! Is she drunk?" Santana turned to face a flushed Brittany who was leaning lazily back on the fridge with a bottle of vodka half drank. "Are _you _drunk?"

Brittany placed her hand over her heart and feigned hurt. "No! I am… completely sober!" she sang with a slight slur, right hand held in the air and walked over to the Latina and pocked her roughly in her shoulder. "_You're_ drunk." She snapped her finger like a diva soppily in front of her face.

Santana snatched the bottle from the girl's hands and put it back into a cupboard. "Try not to drink for a little longer, okay? Your parents will be here soon." Brittany's eyes widened at the mention of her parents and let Santana lead her out into the living room with everyone else.

By this point Kurt, Blaine, Finn and Sam had all turned up and were sitting on the sofa talking and catching up. "Hi guys!" Brittany waved over cheerfully to them as they cheered and waved back.

Finn and Sam had gotten their own club somewhere in Florida and were doing pretty well for themselves. They both had huge apartments and way too many girlfriends at one time.

"Kurt. Come here." Santana waved over to the person she knew she could trust not to try anything with the blonde and was at least sober. "Look after Brittany. Her parents don't like it when she's drunk." Kurt nodded his head and took Brittany to sit with everyone.

Santana sighed and went over to stand with her father who was now pouring himself a drink while her mother was deep in convocation with Rachel. She squeezed the bridge of her nose and clenched her eyes shut. This was going to be a long night.

She had been standing with Puck and Artie for nearly an hour, listening to how amazing their lives in LA was and how cool their place was they were sharing until they had enough money to buy a better and bigger house.

She was glad to hear that Artie had decided to help Puck out with his pool cleaning business. They'd become such good friends since high school and Puck really needed someone he could trust after Quinn and the whole Beth thing.

Suddenly, Santana heard her name been called from the other side of the room and headed over to the tall blonde woman. She was thankful to get out of that boring conversation with the two men.

"Mrs Pierce. How are you?" Santana smiled politely up at Brittany's mother who was the spitting image of each other. However, no matter how sweet Brittany was, she clearly didn't inherit that from her mother. Santana felt so nervous around the older blonde, it was very rare that anyone could do this to Santana.

"Santana," she smiled back. "How many times must I tell you, please call me Susan."

Santana blushed and ducked her head. "Sorry, Mrs- err Susan. I always forget."

"It's fine darling." She giggled. "Any way, I'm so deeply sorry to hear about you, Santana. I was so shocked when your mother told me, I couldn't believe it."

Santana ducked her head to avoid eye contact. She hated conversations like this; she didn't want Mrs- Susan to feel sorry for her. She never knew what to say and would just end up shrugging her shoulders or mumbling something stupid.

Susan obviously saw how uncomfortable the girl was and decided to change the subject. "So, Kurt and Blaine?" she asked with a cocked eyebrow and nodded her head to the group of people on the other side of the room.

Santana looked over to the two boys. Blaine was off his face drunk – as was everyone else for that matter, not including the parents - and was cuddling up to Kurt. "What about them?" they weren't the only two hadn't stuck to the whole 'no PDA in front of the parents thing'. Quinn and Rachel had been all over each other all night but hopefully the older coupls hadnt noticed.

"You don't mind them? As a couple I mean?" Santana didn't know how to respond. She knew Brittany's parents weren't the most accepting people; she was thankful they liked her, not a lot of people did but for some reason the Pierce's did, but she didn't want to say the wrong thing and have Brittany's mother change her mind about her.

"They're good friends, and they've helped a lot over the past couple of weeks with everything that's been going on. We all get along well." Santana stated slightly defensively.

Susan nodded slowly. "I see, I must go back to Lucas, He's looking a bit lonely.…" she gave Santana one last look then turned to walk away and sat down next to her husband who was sipping on a mixed drink that Quinn had handed him earlier.

Santana could tell that what she had just said was not the answer Mrs Peirce had wanted to hear and maybe she'd just ruined any good thoughts the woman had of her.

"Santana!" she spun round at her name being called across the room. All the glee kids were up close and dancing in the middle of the room apart from Tina and mike that were on the sofa catching up. Brittany was standing in the middle of everyone waving her over.

"Dance with me, San." She slurred into her ear. Santana shuddered as the blondes warm breath caressed the skin on her neck, her breath caught in her chest when she felt hands grip her hips.

Their hips started swaying in sync. Santana lifted her arms and wrapped them around the back of the blonde's neck and let her guide their body's. "Are you having fun?"

"Hell yeah! I've missed everyone so much." Brittany replied with a slur. She was still drunk; Kurt hadn't done a very good job of keeping her away from alcohol. She was just glad she was sober so she could keep an eye on her. Santana smiled at how adorable the blonde was when she was drunk and stepped closer to the warm body.

A different song came on with a more upbeat tempo and everyone began to bounce up and down and swayed to the music. Brittany spun Santana round so her back was pressed to her front but kept her hands on her hips. Santana slowly began to grind into Brittany eliciting a quiet moan from her lips that could only be heard by the brunette. Santana grinned and pressed against her slightly harder, she could feel the grip tighten on her waist. "Santana…" she moaned into her ear. Santana had to clench her thighs tight together. A resilient pounding began to form in between her legs and she pressed harder into the blonde but it wasn't enough.

The blonde abruptly spun Santana back round to face her and forcefully pressed her thigh into the brunette's core. Santana whimpered and gripped hard at the back of the blonde's neck. Brittany's eyes suddenly went dark as lust burned through her body. She want more and she wanted it now.

The girl's didn't have to worry about anyone seeing what they were doing; everyone was too busy with their own dancing and grinding to notice. Quinn and Rachel were in a very compromising position on the sofa - they were practically humping for crying out loud - Sam and Mercedes were dancing rather couple like and Finn was teaching Puck some of his 'new moves'. He still looked like a beached whale trying to dance and really hadn't improved at all.

Brittany's heart was pounding so fast in her chest she began to feel dizzy. She could feel the heat from Santana's core through her pencil skirt and pressed her thigh up herder. She looked down at the Latina in her arms and saw that her eyes were clenched tightly shut.

Santana moaned twice as loud and dug her nails into the blonde's skin. She began to rapidly rock her hips against Brittany's leg, each time she got faster and faster, her heart rate got higher and higher. She was so close she could feel herself teetering over the edge; she just needed a bit more pressure right there and she-

"Santana Lopez!"

The Latina threw herself away from the blonde and stumbled back into Puck who caught her by her arms. She looked around frantically to find who had shouted her name, her heart skipped a beat – and not in the way the blonde would do to her – when she saw her mother standing with Brittany's parents, all three of them wearing the same disgusted glare.

She gulped down the rock that she could feel lodged in her throat and took a step back as if that would stop them from looking at her. As she looked around she noticed they weren't the only ones staring, every other pair of eyes were locked on her.

Turns out, their parents weren't just looking at her. "Brittany, what do you think you are doing?" Mr Pierce demanded.

Brittany stepped closer to Santana. She didn't know why, maybe it was to block any attack that might be directed towards the smaller girl, or maybe it was just because the Latina made her feel safe.

"We were just dancing, Dad." She answered with a wavering voice. She looked down to Santana for backup but she was just looking down at her feet.

All the glee kids had retreated to either the sofa or the kitchen, trying to get as far away from the families as they could.

"Don't lie to us, Brittany!" He practically screamed. "We've been watching the pair of you for the past ten minutes. How could you do something so sick? In front of all your friends as well!" He was waving his above his head, a thick vein popping out the side of his skull as the anger began to build up.

Santana could feel the familiar painful ache begin to throb in her chest, the room began to spin and everything sounded like she was underwater again. She could still see that everyone was arguing, Brittany had even begun to shout back.

"We were just dancing for the love of god!" she screamed at her father, she didn't feel as drunk anymore and could only focus on the fact that he had just called Santana and her 'sick'.

Santana wanted it all to stop. She wanted everyone to stop arguing and leave. She hated it when Brittany got angry, that wasn't how the blonde was. The room still hadn't stopped spinning and only seemed to get faster. The ache in her chest had turned into a burning pain that seared through her body, just like the time she had collapsed at work.

"Britt…" Santana whispered clutching at her chest and grabbing the blonde's arm with her free hand. Brittany didn't hear though, and carried on arguing with the three parents in front of her.

Suddenly she felt a strong set of hands wrap around her waist. She recognised them immediately and let her father carry her over to the sofa without Brittany, her parents or Santana's mother even noticing.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asked frantically. His eyes racking over his daughter's body, he stopped when he noticed her clutching at her chest.

"Get my pills…" she groaned in pain. Before she knew it, Quinn was stumbling over with a glass of water and two small white tablets in her hand. Santana shook them shakily and gulped it all down.

She could see the rest of the glee kids surrounding her, all of them asking if she was okay or if they could do anything to help. She shook her head but that only made the dizziness worse. She could feel acid rising up her stomach and let her body keel over as the vomit hit the floor.

The shouting wouldn't stop and suddenly everything sounded ten times louder than it should, she could even hear them over the irregular beating of her heart pounding in her ears.

She knew this wasn't right, she knew she should probably go to the hospital but she wanted everyone to stop shouting. She had to stop Brittany from getting upset. They still hadn't noticed that she had curled up into a ball on the ground, too caught up in their argument.

"Stop…" she slurred out but she knew even her father who was right in front of her wouldn't have heard what she had said. She had to get their attention somehow. She had to be loud enough for them to notice. She took in a long, deep breath and shouted out the only thing that was stuck in her mind at the time. "I'm gay!"

The room fell silent and all eyes were on her. "_What the fuck did you just say?" _she felt like screaming at herself, of all the things she could have said, she said the thing that could possibly fuck everything up for her. Why had she said that? She knew she had feelings for Brittany, but that didn't necessarily mean she was gay, she had talked to Quinn about it that time and she told her it wouldn't be that bad if she was…

"Santana, don't be so stupid." Her mother snarled at her.

Here Santana was, collapsed down on the floor and all her mother could do was insult her even more.

In the time Santana had made her announcement and between her thoughts Brittany had rushed over to her side and pulled her upper body into her lap.

"S_he's _putting disgusting thoughts into your head." Mrs Lopez pointed to Brittany. That's when the shouting started again, but this time the glee kids had joined in, defending their friends.

Mrs Lopez was insulting Blaine, Kurt, Quinn and Rachel for messing up her daughter's head, the Pierces shouting at Mrs Lopez for insulting their daughter. It was all one huge mess and Santana couldn't stand it anymore.

Just as she was about to scream at everyone and tell them all to leave her father was storming over to the group. "All of you! Go home or back to your hotels now!" His voice, strong and unwavering boomed over everyone else's causing them all to silence.

Puck was the first to move, slowly walking over to the door followed by Tina and Mike then finally the rest of the club. Quinn however was more hesitant about leaving. She looked down at the Latina in a bad state on the floor of the apartment. "San…" she looked between Santana and Brittany but not getting a response, instead she turned to Mr Lopez. "Call me if you need anything." He gave her a soft nod as she let Rachel pull her out of the door.

"Marco, what are you doing?" Mrs Lopez spat at her husband.

"I'm taking care of _our _daughter, something you can't seem to do properly. She's dying Maribel and all you can seem to do is call her disgusting and insult her. Your own daughter! Look at her." he said incredulously pointing over to the two girls on the floor. Santana's face had turned a ghostly white while the blonde's body was shaking, tears falling down her face as she clung to the Latina tightly.

"You're going to be okay, San." She cooed into her ear and laced their hands together. For some reason this made the Latina actually believe what the blonde was saying was true and let her body relax against Brittany's as she let the pills work their magic.

"How can you talk to your daughter like that?" he turned to the Peirce's who were gob smacked at the usually quiet man's sudden outburst. "She's a good girl and seems to be the only person who can look after my baby." Brittany's parents looked down at the girls and their facial expressions softened considerably, maybe even turned to guilt.

Marco turned back to his wife with a cold expression. "She is not some sort of accessory. She's a human that we brought into this world. How do you think you would feel knowing that our daughter died hating her parents for not being there for her?" His words were like knives stabbing his wife over and over.

She couldn't say anything; everything that was in her mind that she wanted to let out was blocked up behind too many walls she had built up over the years. Before she could let anyone see the tears that were building up behind her brown orbs she was running out of the door and back to her hotel room where they were staying.

Marco let out an exasperated sigh and stumbled back over to his daughter. Maybe he had more to drink than her realised or it could have just been the shock of finally standing up against his wife.

"You were great, papá." Santana smiled up at her father with a proud smile. His heart grew at least ten times the original size; he never thought he would see the day Santana would be proud of him.

"I love you." He smiled down at her with his eyes and pulled her into a gentle hug. "I have to go and talk to your mother though, I promise I'll be back around first thing in the morning." He kissed the top of her head before getting up to leave. He gave Brittany's parents a warning look before they followed closely behind him not even bothering to say anything to the blonde cradling Santana in her arms.

The two girls fell into silence. Somewhere during the arguing the music had been turned off and some of the pizza boxes had been put into the trash.

Brittany cupped Santana's cheek and stroked her thumb across the skin that was slowly gaining back its colour. She couldn't pull her eyes from hers and let herself slowly be pulled in by the beautiful array of different shades of brown.

Santana placed her hand on top of Brittany's. "I'm sorry I ruined the party." Her voice was horse and shaky.

Brittany shook her head as another wave of tears swept over her. She pressed her forehead against the Latina's and carefully picked the girl up like she could snap in two if she held on too tight. She carried her back to her room and placed her softly down in her bed. "You didn't ruin anything. This," she gestured to her chest, "wasn't your fault." She climbed into the bed next to her and pulled the sheets over their bodies.

"You're amazing, you know that, Britt?" Santana smiled to the blonde next to her and cuddled up against the warm body and wrapped her arms around her waist.

Brittany giggled softly. "Is your chest okay now?"

Santana nodded softly and rubbed her hand over her chest to prove her point. "It just got a bit out of control in there." She sighed. "You should get some sleep and burn off the rest of the alcohol." She mused and poked the girl in the ribs.

"I think I've burnt it all off screaming at my parents." Her voice had no emotion what so ever. "I'm sorry I didn't help you sooner. I've never been like that with them before, I just… I…" she stopped when Santana placed her hand on her cheek.

"Britt, it's okay." she shook her head and looked deep into the girls eyes. "We can talk to them tomorrow if you like? We can all go to 'Vibez' and have a meal?"

"That sounds good." Brittany smiled and kissed the top of Santana's head. She froze when she realised what she was doing. "Sorry, I shouldn't have done that…"

"It's okay." Santana smiled sweetly. "Just get some sleep okay?" Brittany nodded and lay back down onto the pillows with Santana's head on her chest.

After twenty minutes or so, Brittany's breathing evened out slightly and Santana sighed. She knew she could never say what she wanted to say if the blonde was awake. She didn't want her to see how fragile she really was behind all the walls she insisted on rebuilding over and over.

"I love you, Brittany. So ridiculously much it hurts. Not the kind of hurt I get when my heart fucks up but the kind of hurt that people only get from loving so much." She pulled herself closer to the blonde she could breathe in her sent.

Brittany tried to keep her breathing even as she listened to the Latina's words. She knew if she moved of hint that she was awake the Latina would stop talking. She wanted to hear what she had to say more than anything.

"Brittany, I'm so scared." her voice wavered slightly. "Sometimes I'll lie awake all night crying because I feel so alone, even though you're with me, it doesn't quite feel like it, you know?" She sniffed softly trying to hold back her emotions. "I don't want to die. I don't want to leave you. I want to have a life with you, I want everything a couple should be able to have, a wedding, a family, I want to be able to grow old with you, Britt." She couldn't stop now; her tears were pouring down her cheeks and landing on Brittany's chest. "I need you. But the thing that's killing me more than anything is the fact that I know I can't start anything with you. I can't break your heart, Brittany. That would kill me more than this stupid hole in my heart." She tapped her chest to empathise her point. "Maybe and bucket list isn't such a bad idea after all."

She was full on sobbing now and all Brittany wanted to do was pull her in closer and hug her tight but she couldn't because needed the Latina to keep on talking, she knew this was good for Santana to finally let everything out.

"I love you, Brittany." Santana reached up and placed a gentle kiss on Brittany's lips before lying back down on her chest and slowly falling into a deep slumber.


	13. Chapter 13

Hey guys! sorry this is a bit late, took me forever to get it done with all the school work i've had to get finished on time, i hope you all like it.

the song in this chapter is Macklemore 'Same Love'

if you have any suggestions for other songs you would like to hear in this then please PM me or leave a review. next chapter you should be finding out what Santana has on her Bucket List!

Keep reviewing! x

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Chapter 13

Santana could feel the warmth radiating off of something underneath her, she pressed herself closer and wrapped her arms around it. "Mm." she moaned at the warmth spreading around her body. She didn't have the energy to open her eyes and see what it was she was hugging, her whole body was aching and she felt like she'd held her breath for an hour. She nuzzled her face into whatever she was wrapped around and took in a deep breath, it was then she realised _who_ she was holding onto.

Her heart stopped momentarily as she slowly lifted herself up with her forearms to look down at the beautiful sleep blonde beneath her, a beam of sun light was streaming in through the open window and was shining right on her face. She looked perfect. She almost wanted to reach down and take her lips between her own but stopped herself when the previous night's events came rushing back to her in a hurry.

A small twinge of pain began to throb in her chest. She knew last night was way too much for her to cope with, her heart couldn't handle it. Maybe she should go to the hospital and get checked out…

Suddenly, there was a clatter of something hitting the floor in the kitchen followed by some quiet muffles. "Shit." Santana hissed. There was someone breaking into their apartment. "Britt!" Santana shook the blonde's shoulders roughly to wake her up but Brittany only mumbled some incoherent words under her breath and turned away from Santana. "There's someone in the kitchen…" she said a little more loudly into the blonde's ear. With that, Brittany's body jolted into an upright position, her eyes wide and frantic as she searched around the room for danger. She tactically rolled off the side of the bed and reached out for something in a box Santana had yet to but away. She carefully pulled out one of Santana first place cheerleading trophies she'd won in high school and tip toed over to the door.

Santana clambered off of the bed and clung to the back of her shirt. Brittany must have changed them both during the night… "_Oh god she saw me naked…" _she didn't have time to worry about that though; there was someone in her home.

She let Brittany lead them out of the bedroom quietly, not letting the door click open. Brittany held the trophy like a baseball bat and made sure Santana was protected behind her. There was another clatter in the kitchen, "Fucking hell! Would you be careful." Someone snapped.

There was something familiar about the voice though and Santana felt herself calm slightly but her heart was still pounding in her chest. Brittany gripped her hands tighter around the metal object and carried on walking down the hall, she risked a wary glance behind her to make sure Santana was okay. Just as they were about to round the corner to enter the living room, a bulky body came bounding past and bumped into Brittany sending her flying against the wall.

"Shit!" he said and ran over to the blonde to help her up. Brittany stared up with wide eyes.

"What the fuck, Puckerman?" Santana snapped angrily and pushed him away from Brittany to help the blonde up herself. "What the hell are you doing in here?"

He looked nervous for a second like he was scared to talk to the fuming Latina. "I… we… err, Quinn let us all in. she said we should help clean up but we didn't want to wake you two up after what… err… happened last night." He slowly backed away in case Santana lashed out.

"We?" Santana asked with a furrowed brow.

"Yeah…" Puck pointed behind him towards the rest of the room and the kitchen. Santana had completely unnoticed the rest of the glee kids and her father cleaning the rest of the apartment. She suddenly felt guilty and a deep red flush burned up her face. She hadn't realised she was still clinging to Brittany top until the blonde placed her hand on top of the tanned one and pulled it away with a sweet smile. "I don't think this lot are going to attack us." she giggled as she picked up the trophy that had landed on the floor. "I'll take this back. Go and take your meds." She ordered and pointed towards the coffee table where a strip of pills were sitting from the night before. The place was much cleaner than what it had been when Brittany had carried her off to bed and she almost felt bad that everyone had done this for her. Almost… she was glad she didn't have to do it herself.

She tipped her head back and swallowed the two pills. She kept her eyes closed and waited for the pills to kick in and get rid of the tightness in her chest. Unexpectedly, she felt the space on the sofa next to her dip as someone sat down. "Santana?" the voice was quiet and cautious and caused Santana to roll her eyes under her closed eye lids.

"What do you want, Berry?" Santana sighed and sat up to face Rachel. Her expression softened when she saw a sad but caring look on her face. "What's up?" she asked softer this time with the traces of a smile on her lips.

Rachel looked down at her hands not wanting to make eye contact with the other girl. "I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you if you ever need to talk about anything, I mean Brittany's awesome and everything but there's still something's she doesn't understand and Quinn can be slightly closed off about things at times and can be kind of awkward… like she still breaks down into a fit of tears if I ask how you are and then a minute later she will refuse to talk to anyone." she paused and finally looked up at a smiling Santana, "So, if you ever want to talk or anything, then I'm here for you."

Santana didn't know what to say, she was beyond happy that Rachel was willing to listen to her talk and be her friend after everything she had put her through in school. She leaned forward and pulled a speechless Rachel into a warming hug. "Thank you." She sniffed and tried to hold back more tears. What was it with her and crying lately?

"Get your hands off my woman, Lopez." Quinn giggled trying to do her best gangsta impersonation. She planted herself down into Rachel's lap and let the brunette pull her down into a kiss. Santana blushed slightly wishing that was her and Brittany and looked down at her hands in her lap. "Are you feeling okay, San?"

Santana nodded, "Just feeling really tired." Quinn nodded in understanding and placed her hand on top of hers.

"I was so worried about you last night; I wanted to punch your mom… no offence."

"So did I." Santana smiled sadly. "I think me and Britt are going to meet them all at the bar tonight and get a drink."

Quinn's head shot up in shock. "What? Are you mad? After the way they acted with you both last night?" her mouth was hanging open, she couldn't believe what the two girls were getting themselves into.

"I need to talk to my mom about what I said and I think Brittany needs to talk to hers, they owe us both an apology." Santana sighed and stood up to go and fine Brittany when Quinn's hand grabbed her wrist. She gave her a wary look that could have meant anything from 'be careful' or 'I'll kick their asses if they hurt you'. She leaned down and gave both girls a hug and wandered off to the kitchen where her father was talking to Brittany.

"Should we not take her to the hospital though? She'd never been that bad…" Brittany muttered, Santana could hear the pain and worry in her voice as she spoke. "I don't want a repeat of what happened last night tonight or any other night." The pair was facing away from the door making breakfast so hadn't yet spotted Santana.

"Neither do I. Brittany, I'm so sorry about what happened last night." Marco looked down into the frying pan and poked at whatever he was cooking, he was clearly feeling guilty about the way his wife had acted but both girls knew that this wasn't his fault.

"Mr Lopez, none of that was your fault, I really shouldn't have drunk so much and my parents definitely shouldn't have acted the way they did." Brittany sighed and placed her hands over her face. It looked like she was about to cry until she let out a dazed giggle. She couldn't believe the way everything ended up after she'd had so much fun; it took a split second for everything to turn upside down. Everything was just so messed up.

"I should have stepped in before anyone could have started shouting and then maybe San wouldn't have passed out…" he sighed sadly. "Maybe she would have been able to talk to me about how she's feeling instead of blurting it out like that. Her mother is furious." Santana caught a glimpse of his eyes and could see the battle raging in the deep hazel. He was holding back to the tears so hard that his bottom lip was quivering. The blonde pulled him into her arms and hugged him tight, quietly reassuring him that everything would be okay after tonight was over. Santana's heart shattered in her chest as she watched the two people she loved more than anything in the world looking so hurt and upset. Would it be worse than this when she was gone? Would all these people come to see Brittany and make sure she was okay? What if nobody did? She couldn't leave the blonde alone, not when she meant so much to her.

"Santana?" Brittany said as she pulled out of the hug with the Latina's father. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Not long. What are you cooking? It smells great." She tilted her head to get a better look of the pan on the hob.

"A full English breakfast for everyone." Her father said rather pleased with himself that he hadn't burnt anything yet like he normally did. Santana raised an eyebrow at the pair, could she trust these two to make a meal. Almost all the time it ended in disaster. She grinned to herself as the thought crossed her mind.

"Sounds delicious, how did you all get in?" she hoisted herself up onto the worktop where Brittany was mixing some eggs on a bowl. The blonde smiled up sweetly causing shivers to whirl through Santana's body.

"Quinn called everyone and told us to meet outside your building, she said she had a key and that we had to clean up or she would 'go all Lima Heights on out sorry butts' I was quiet shocked to hear your old words again." he smiled down at his daughter causing her to blush furiously.

Santana turned back to the blonde, "Thank you for defending me this morning." She winked at Brittany and an equally bright blush burned up her face.

"Well… I… I… wasn't going to let someone hurt anyone as small and helpless as you was I now?" she nudged the Latina playfully who slapped her shoulder and pretended to be insulted, when really she was more than happy that the blonde would do something like that for her.

"Britt-Britt, are you getting all defensive?" Santana giggled causing Brittany's face to go an even darker red. "I'm just kidding." Santana had broken out into a full on laughing fit at the looks Brittany was giving her and had to hold onto her father's shoulder to hold herself up. When she finally started to calm down her eyes were glued to Brittany's she didn't want to pull them away, she could look at them forever if she could. She could see all the different swirls of blues and silvers and the way the light reflected off of them made them sparkle.

"Hey Brittany, could you give me and Santana a minute to talk?" her father pulled both girls out of their trances and looked shyly at Brittany as if he's just said the most inappropriate thing in the world.

"Of course." Brittany smiled and placed the bowl of scrambled eggs in the Latina's lap. Santana wanted to reach out, pull her back and tell her to never leave her alone. She wanted to tell Brittany how much she loved her and desperately wanted to be with her. She knew that's what she wanted, more than anything in the world.

"Santana," her dad started cautiously. "You need to tell me what's going on so I know what I can do to help tonight if anything goes wrong again." she placed his hand on his daughters thigh causing the girl to make eye contact. Santana was reluctant to tell her father how she was feeling; this was all too new to her, just as much as it was to her father. "Please, mija."

Santana sighed; she knew it was the right thing to do. "I'm in love with, Brittany." Her voice was shaky and her hands trembled in her lap. What if her father was just in too much shock the night before to react to her announcement? What if he was actually really angry with her and was about to blow his top? "We've kissed… but… but…" she couldn't finish her sentence.

"But you don't want anything to happen because she will end up getting hurt." Her father finished for her, his voice was calm and soothing. Santana's eyes shot up to meet her father's. That was exactly what she was going to say. Her eyes turned glassy and soon her father disappeared into a haze of salty water. "Brittany's a big girl, Santana. I'm sure she understands what she is getting herself into. Anyway, there is still a chance that you could get a new heart." Santana shook her head sadly. She knew there was a very slim chance that would ever happen and there was no point in getting her hopes up. "Baby, look at me." he tilted her chin up to meet his eyes again. "Do you want to be with her?"

"More than anything." She stated simply like it was the most obvious thing in the world. She couldn't believe how easy it was for her to talk to her father about something like this when all her life she'd never talked to her parents about anything personal.

"Then nothing else should matter. Not even a silly problem like this." He placed his finger on her chest just above her heart.

There was a sudden flash of anger in her gut and all Santana could see was red. "It's not silly." She snarled. Her father was taken aback by her sudden change in emotion and stumbled backwards. "I'm dying." She slammed her fist against her chest hard and jumped down onto the floor. "My own mother hates me, I collapse every time my heart rate gets too high, I'm a lesbian in a world where the 'right' thing is the opposite to who I am and I can't change that. But you know what the worst thing of all is? I can't be with the woman I love because I'm so scared of hurting her and breaking her heart!" she slammed the door to the kitchen behind her and stormed out into the living room to see everyone staring at her. "What the fuck are you all looking at?" she yelled with her hands waving around in the air.

Everyone spun around and got back to what they were doing, everyone but Brittany and Blaine who were standing by the sofa staring at her after hearing everything. Santana fumed off towards her room, completely unaware of the two people following her.

She went to slam the door but when the clatter didn't follow she turned round to see what had blocked the door. Brittany was stood half in an half out of her bedroom; her hand was gripping the door an inch from her face and slowly pushed it open. She didn't wait for the brunette to let her in she just walked over to her bed and collapsed down with a loud huff, Blaine followed slightly more hesitantly. Brittany might be immune to the Latina's ferocious mood swings but he certainly wasn't.

"What the hell was that about?" Brittany asked a little louder than she intended to.

"You heard that huh?" Santana was calming down fast; it was something the blonde would do to her without even trying.

"The whole _city_ heard you, Santana." Brittany deadpanned.

"Every word?" she looked down slightly embarrassed.

Blaine nodded, "Yes." His voice was cautious; he didn't want Santana going all crazy with him.

"Fuck." Santana mumbled and sat town on the bed between Blaine and Brittany. "I'm sorry; I don't know what came over me, I… I just snapped." She placed her face in her hands; she couldn't look at Brittany knowing all she would see would be disappointment.

Suddenly she felt a soft hand gazing across her chest and her head shot up to find Brittany stroking a pitch of skin above her heart that had turned red. "What did you do?" she asked her.

"I think I hit it when I was shouting…" she pulled away slightly from the blonde's touch that was causing goose bumps to erupt all over her body. The red mark was slowly beginning to turn purple and sting.

"Wait here." Brittany whispered and she took off to the bathroom leaving the two brunettes slightly clueless. They sat in silence for a couple of seconds not knowing what to talk about.

"Quinn tells me you two are going out with your parents tonight; I'm working the night shift tonight so I'll see you there." He smiled at Santana who leaned her head against his shoulder. She had suddenly begun to feel very comfortable around the man but she didn't know why. She just did.

"Cool." She shrugged acting like she didn't really care but they both knew she was relieved it was him rather than some random bar girl. "Blaine? I was wondering… would you want to sing a song with me tonight since Mark has just hired the new band?" she asked cautiously.

A beaming smile covered Blaine's face, "That sounds like a great idea, Santana. What did you have in mind?"

Just as she was about to answer Brittany returned with a wash cloth and placed it against Santana's chest, she gasped as an icy pain shot through her but faded as the stinging in her chest was replaced by relief. The purple blotch would hopefully have faded by tonight.

"It'll be okay." Brittany reassured Santana as they walked into the bar, her heart was racing in her chest and no matter how many times Brittany tried to calm her nothing was working. Ten minutes before they left to leave, Brittany had caught Santana downing her third shot and had almost punched the girl because she was so angry. "I'm still mad at you though. You know you shouldn't have been drinking alcohol. It will fuck up your heart."

"My heart, my little Britt-Britt, is as fucked up as they come." Santana slurred as they made their way to a far table where their families were already sitting. "Oh shit, do you think if we run now we can make it to Mexico or Germany before they see us?" Santana's voice was high pitched and squeaky as she tugged on Brittany's arm to get her away from the table but the blonde was stronger and sober and practically carried her across the room.

"It'll be okay, I promise." Brittany whispered into Santana's ear causing the smaller girl to shudder and lean against the blonde. "But you have to at least act sober or they will be pissed." Brittany wrapped an arm around Santana's waist to keep her up straight but tried to make it look less intimate as she could, she didn't want her parents getting the wrong idea and freaking out before they even had a chance to talk.

"Brittany, Santana." Both pairs of parents stood up and greeted their daughters. Brittany suddenly going quieter than she normally did. Santana just nodded and plonked herself down in her chair at the end of the table next to Brittany. They all sat in silence for a moment, no one wanted to be the first to break the ice, well no one who was sober. Santana let out a loud hiccup before squashing her hand against her mouth as if it would take back to sound. Her cheeks flushed and she looked to Brittany with a panicked look, the blonde just gave her a small smile and turned to her parents.

"So, anything you would like to say to Santana and me?" She said coldly to the two blonde parents to her right and Santana's mother to her left.

"What are you insinuating, Brittany? We haven't done anything wrong, you two on the other hand." Brittany's mother looked down at the two girls like they were in the wrong. Santana rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"Santana, don't be rude." Her mother scolded.

"Fuck this. I'm going home." Santana snapped and stood up to leave but stumbled over her chair leg in her drunken haze. Luckily, Brittany was there to catch her and slowly steadied the Latina.

Marco reached out and placed his hand on his daughter's wrist. "San, please stay." He begged.

"I don't see why I should when all they are going to do is insult us and put us down." She stated with a slight slur. Her father could obviously smell the alcohol on her breath and leaned back with a slight grimace.

"Please." He pleaded softly with puppy dog eyes. Santana couldn't resist and sat herself back down into a slouching position.

No one spoke for the next ten minutes. Santana played with the ice cubes in her water while Brittany made swans with her napkin then drowned it in her glass. Their food arrived a couple of minutes later and they tucked in, the only sound came from the scrapes of cutlery clinking against the cheap plates. The six of them exchanged awkward glances up until they had all finished and their plates were taken away.

"I'm just going to come out and say it," Brittany's father started. "I am extremely disgusted by the way the pair of you acted last night. I understand it was a party and you were having fun but I don't want to see that ever again." Brittany's fists clenched around her glass and stared daggers into her father's eyes. "If you choose to live that way, Santana, that's fine with us but Brittany, was not born that way and I will not allow you to date another woman" Brittany's hand clenched so tight that her glass shattered and water spilled out across the table. No one moved however and just stared at the blonde.

"She didn't choose that." She snapped. "And you can't tell me what I can or can't do. We aren't even dating. I'm ashamed to call you my parents." She stood up and wandered over to the bar and came back with what looked like a glass of rum and coke. Her parents were stunned into silence, their daughter had never stood up to them before, and frankly it scared them that she was doing it now. It showed them that she was growing up and learning to be independent. Who would they control now?

"Santana's not gay though." Maribel finally decided to pitch in with the ranting. "She's not a dyke, look at her! She's wearing a dress. She's beautiful."

Marco's head snapped around to his wife, pure disgust burned in his eyes. "Have you heard yourself? You are so heartless! This is our daughter and if this is the way you are going to treat her then you can't be my wife. Santana means more to me than you can imagine and I will not have you treat her that way." Everybody's mouths were hanging open like a character in a comic book. Santana couldn't believe how much her father was sticking up for her and suddenly; the haze of alcohol had dissipated.

"Don't be so stupid Mar-" Her mother was cut off when Santana slammed her fist against the table.

"Why do you have to be such a stuck up bitch? This is my life, why do you suddenly care what I do with it? It's not like you've ever cared before." She hissed harshly, her words felt like venom to the older woman.

"Santana, you know that's not true." She whispered sweetly with an awkward smile.

"Don't bull shit me." Santana turned away to blink back her tears. "I'd rather die knowing my own mom doesn't love me for who I am than have her lie to me for the last ten months of my life." With that Santana turned away leaving her mother stunned into silence and began picking at her napkin. She just wanted to get the rest of this night over and done with so she could go back to living the rest of her life without having to worry about disapproving parent.

Her eyes kept flickering up the stage where Blaine was setting up two mikes and handing out sheet music to the band. Santana could feel butterflies beginning to go crazy in her stomach at the thought of getting up and singing. She wasn't fazed by how many people were in the bar, it was the fact that her parents and Brittany's parents were there as well.

She tried hard to block at all the noise around her but no matter how hard she tried she could still hear both her and Brittany's parents bickering. She rolled her eyes and turned to face Brittany who was already looking at her with a confused look.

"What?" Santana whispered.

"Are you okay? You look nervous…" Brittany said cautiously. She slowly laced her fingers with Santana's to calm her but the Latina snapped her hand away when she felt her mother's eyes on her. Brittany frowned down at her hand; a wave of sadness engulfed her body as the feeling of rejection boiled up in her gut. "Listen about what my dad said before…" she was cut off before she could finish.

"Testing, one two, one two." The whole bar went silent as Blaine's voice drifted over from the stage. "Can Ms Santana Lopez please come to the stage?" He pointed to the Latina and wiggled his finger in a come hither gesture with a coy smile. Brittany's head spun around to face Santana as she walked towards Blaine. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she was pretty sure all the colour had drained from her face. She risked a glance back at the Blonde who was frozen in her seat with a confused look on her face.

Santana jumped up on the stage and ran through the lyrics in her head one more time trying to drown out some of her last minute nerves.

"Nervous?" Blaine asked as he walked up to Santana and handed her a microphone. He smiled warmly and immediately reduced her nerves to almost nothing.

"Just a bit." She giggled awkwardly. Blaine spotted her shaking hands and pulled her into a hug.

"Everything will be ok, if you feel like you're going to panic just look at me." she nodded and they made their way over to stand in the middle of the stage, the crowd quieted down and all eyes were on them but the only eyes Santana could see was Brittany's blue orbs staring back at her.

"Hi everyone." Santana's words were laced with pure nerves and she was positive everyone could tell she was freaking out. "I've come to realise something lately about myself, and I just wanted to let my mother know that I'm not changing for anyone." She made eye contact with her mother who quickly diverted her eyes.

"We hope you enjoy. This is Macklemore 'Same Love'." Blaine said cheerfully earning some loud 'Whoops' and whistles from the back of the bar which was most likely Quinn, Rachel and Kurt.

Santana smiled down at her feet, her hands clutched the microphone stand as the piano started to play.

_When I was in the 3rd grade_

_I thought that I was gay_

_Cause I could draw, my uncle was_

_And I kept my room straight_

_I told my mom, tears rushing down my face_

_She's like, "Blaine you've loved girls since before pre-K"_

Blaine's voice filled the bar and sent chills down Brittany's spine; she didn't know he sounded so good rapping. She stood up and cheered them on, slowly making her way over to the bar where she'd spotted Quinn a few minutes earlier.

_Trippin', yeah, I guess she had a point, didn't she_

_A bunch of stereotypes all in my head_

_I remember doing the math like_

_"Yeah, I'm good a little league"_

_A pre-conceived idea of what it all meant_

_For those who like the same sex had the characteristics_

_The right-wing conservatives think it's a decision_

_And you can be cured with some treatment and religion_

The words hit home for the Latina. She risked a glance at her mother but she wasn't even looking at them, she was too busy rummaging through her purse. Wow, she really didn't care did she? Santana took a deep breath ready to start singing. Her heart was racing and all she could think about was not embarrassing herself in front of all these people. She just hoped her voice wasn't going to turn out shaking with her nerves.

_And I can't change_

_Even if I tried_

_Even if I wanted to_

_And I can't change_

_Even if I tried_

_Even if I wanted to_

_My love, my love, my love_

_She keeps me warm_

The room erupted into cheers as Santana began to sing, her raspy voice almost reducing Brittany to a climaxing mess. She felt a huge cheesy grin form on her lips and goose bumps tingle all over her body. An icy cold shiver surged down her spine as she made contact again with the Santana's eyes. Santana gave her a small wink causing the blonde to blush furiously and gulp down her drink to hide her smile.

_If I was gay_

_I would think hip-hop hates me_

_Have you read the YouTube comments lately?_

_"Man that's gay"_

_Gets dropped on the daily_

_We've become so numb to what we're sayin'_

_Our culture founded from oppression_

_Yeah, we don't have acceptance for 'em_

_Call each other faggots_

_Behind the keys of a message board_

_A word routed in hate_

_Yet our genre still ignores it_

Blaine and Santana began to dance together to the music, swaying and bobbing around the stage. Blaine placed his microphone back in the stand and held his hands up into a heart shape then pointed towards Kurt who cheered louder than anyone else.

_Gay is synonymous with the lesser_

_It's the same hate that's caused wars from religion_

_Gender and skin colour_

_Complexion of your pigment_

_The same fight that lead people to walk-outs and sit-ins_

_It's human rights for everybody_

_There is no difference_

_Live on! And be yourself! _

Quinn pulled Rachel into her arms and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She smiled softly and twirled the brunette before climbing up onto the bar. "Whoop! You guys rock!" she screamed over the singing. Her friends soon followed her and they all started singing along and dancing.

_When I was in church_

_They taught me something else_

_If you preach hate at the service_

_Those words aren't anointed_

_And that Holy Water_

_That you soak in_

_Is then poisoned_

_When everyone else_

_Is more comfortable_

_Remaining voiceless_

_Rather than fighting for humans_

_That have had their rights stolen_

_I might not be the same_

_But that's not important_

_No freedom 'til we're equal_

_Damn right I support it_

_I don't know_

Santana couldn't take her eyes away from the blonde. Every word she sang, she meant and Brittany knew it.

_And I can't change_

_Even if I tried_

_Even if I wanted to_

_And I can't change_

_Even if I tried_

_Even if I wanted to_

_My love, my love, my love_

_She keeps me warm_

But as she turned to look at their parent's, all she saw was disappointment and disgust. She looked away quickly not wanting to start crying in front of a crowded bar. Blaine Sang the final verse with way more emotion than he had the entire song, as he trailed off Kurt ran up to the stage and pulled the boy down to kiss him.

_And I can't change_

_Even if I tried_

_Even if I wanted to_

_And I can't change_

_Even if I tried_

_Even if I wanted to_

_My love, my love, my love_

_She keeps me warm_

Santana wanted so badly for that to be her and Brittany but she couldn't. She was scared and she knew how pathetic she was being about it all. She should just needed sort herself out – she needed to get over the fact she was dying and she knew exactly how to do that - and forget about her fucked up heart and what their parents thought. It wasn't about them after all…

_Love is patient,_

_Love is kind_

_Love is patient _

_Love is kind_

She couldn't though. She couldn't break Brittany's heart. When the song finally ended she said a small "Thank you," to the cheering crowd and returned to her seat shyly. She avoided all eye contact with the parents; she couldn't look any of them in their eyes afraid of what she would see. She picked up her coat and purse and walked away. She didn't even bother saying good night, she just left.

The cold night air hit her like a ton of bricks and she gasped down a few breaths before flagging down a cab back to her apartment. She hunted through her purse and pulled out a blank, folded piece of lined paper. "Excuse me?" she asked the cab driver. "Do you happen to have a pen I can borrow?"

"Yeah, hang on a sec." he clicked something open and passed back a black biro. "It should still work, keep it." he smiled sweetly and she returned a weaker smile and began to write.

She was about to fall asleep on the sofa when the door burst open and clattered against the wall. All Santana saw before she was being flattened against the sofa was a blur of blonde hair. The air was shoved out of her lungs causing her to gasp. "What the fuck, Santana! Do you know how scared I've been?" Brittany shouted, her words were dripping with panic and slightly wavering. "I've been calling you all night! I thought you'd dropped dead in a street somewhere!"

"I… I…" Santana's mouth was slightly agape and her eyes were wide. She didn't even think when she'd left the bar; she didn't think anyone would be worried. "I'm sorry."

Brittany was still furious apology or not, tears were ready to burst from her eyes and a sob was ready to break through her clenched lips. "Don't you ever do that to me again. You hear me." Santana was slightly started by the anger in the blonde's voice and just nodded while she tried to move herself away from Brittany. "I told your mother to give you some space for a while." Brittany whispered after a while.

"Thank you."

"It's okay," Brittany paused a second debating whether or not she should say what she had been thinking since Santana had pulled her hand away from her. "Listen, about what my dad said-"

"It's okay, they were just angry." Santana cut in before Brittany could finish.

"No, just listen okay?" Santana nodded. "He should have said what he did, he had no right to talk about you like that and it really pissed me off," she held up her cut up hand to prove her point. "But,"

Santana's heart dropped. But's were never good when it came to this stuff, unless it was a "But, I love you," then most times than not it ended up with someone getting hurt.

"Maybe it's a good thing you no one wants us to get together. Maybe it will make things easier, you know when-"

"I get it." Santana snapped. She'd been the one telling Brittany that they shouldn't get together but here she was now, holding back a tsunami of tears and shattered heart crumbling in her chest.

It had sounded like a good idea in her head, she hated the way their parents had looked at them and this was what Santana wanted right? She thought maybe as soon as they both knew nothing would happen, the quicker Brittany would be able to try and get over the Latina. She thought maybe she wouldn't be hurting as much anymore. Santana had been saying how they would never work for a while, so why was she acting like this?

"Don't be mad. You've been telling me this for the past two months, Santana." Brittany stated defensively as she followed the Latina towards her bedroom.

"I'm not angry, Britt. You're right; it would be a bad idea if we got together." And with that her door slammed shut sending shock waves through Brittany's body but she barely felt them, all she could feel was the crushing feeling of regret in her gut.

She'd just made the biggest mistake of her life.


	14. Chapter 14

I know by the end of this chapter y'all are going to love me so much! ;)

I still have no idea how i'm going to end this story though so please bare with me, i love all your reviews so keep 'em coming and the updates will come faster!

love you all.

* * *

Chapter 14

The morning after Brittany had told Santana they shouldn't be together, things were weird. Not weird as in they were ignoring each other or every conversation they had was short and awkward, but weird as in nothing had changed. Brittany had woken up that morning ready to be ignored or have Santana's death stare follow her around until she left for work, she nearly dropped dead when she saw Santana sitting eating her breakfast with a huge smile on her face with a cup of coffee out for Brittany and her own breakfast. She'd had to mentally pinch herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming or she wasn't actually dead. Santana was talking to her like nothing from the night before had actually happened, Brittany couldn't understand it but she didn't want to say anything in case she messed everything up.

A couple of weeks had passed since then and everything with her and Brittany were going fine. Santana had been to see her doctor a couple of time since but nothing seemed to be changing; she still wasn't any closer to finding a new heart and the pills she had been taken to keep her alive had slowly started to be less effective. The doctor said that she could stay on them for a couple more weeks before he would have to up her dosage or find her some new ones and to stay on the safe side she should keep off of anything remotely unhealthy.

Santana had felt so much batter after finally writing her bucket list, she had stayed up the rest of that night finishing it off whilst crying her eyes out. She was surprised at all the things she wanted to do, things she hadn't realised she had even thought about before. Some things were small and silly but others actually meant something to her that she desperately wanted to do before she died. She hadn't let Brittany see it yet though. She didn't know why she hadn't shown her it, it wasn't such a big deal but maybe it was because it was such a private and important part of her life she was scared in case Brittany thought it was silly.

She sat quietly on the edge of her bed and read over the list for what could have been the tenth time that morning. It had become somewhat of a ritual for the Latina to read it before she got up for her day. "Santana?" The brunette lifted her head at her name being called from the living room. "Hurry up and help us put the lights up." Brittany shouted again. Santana sighed and placed the list down on her bed before standing up to go and help them with the Christmas tree.

She smiled ridiculously wide when she was met with a scene she could only describe as pour Christmas amazingness. "What the hall have you done to our apartment?" she teased as she walked over to help Quinn put the decorations on the tree while Brittany and Rachel struggled to untangle the mess of multi-coloured lights.

"It looks amazing doesn't it, San!" Brittany all but squealed and began to giggle like a child. She jumped up and down, clapping her hands as Rachel wrapped the final meter of lights around the seven foot tree that towered over all four girls. The room was suddenly lit up into a glowing array of light that caused warmth to flood through her body and a large grin to form on her face again.

"Wow…" Santana whispered as everyone stood in awe at the amazing scene in front of them, they all stood with their mouths agape.

"Hey, San? How do we get the star on top?" Brittany asked quizzically, her head was cocked to the side like a puppy and her lips were pouted as she looked up at the top of the tree. It was much too tall for any of them to reach by themselves. She smiled at the sudden thought of Brittany launching herself off the sofa and landing on the tree like Buddy the Elf does in that film, '_Elf.'_

"Crouch down." Santana said simply. Brittany looked at her confused but didn't ask any questions. She slowly crouched down into a squatting position with the star in her hands. Santana slowly walked over to the blonde and cocked a leg over the girl's shoulders with a coy grin. She could hear Rachel and Quinn giggling behind them and winked back at them.

"What the hell?" Brittany gasps as she feels Santana straddle her shoulders.

"I'm getting on your shoulders so you can lift me up to put the star on." Santana states like it's the most obvious thing ever. She shuffled around slightly to get herself into a safer position and steadied her body.

Brittany's face was blushing a furious red colour as she realised that her head was situated in between the Latina's legs. "Oh god." She mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?" Santana asked sending another wink towards the couple sitting on the couch who could tell exactly what the Latina was doing.

"Err, nothing. Just hold on okay? I don't want to drop you." Brittany passed Santana the star and wrapped her hands around perfect tanned calves. Santana's stomach jumped as she was lifted into the air. The feeling vaguely reminded her of the feelings Brittany gave her every time they touched or made eye contact. She carefully leaned forward and placed the star on top of the tree; she smiled proudly at how good it looked. "I think this is the best tree I have ever seen, Britt." She tickled the skin behind Brittany's ear then ran her finger along the shell of her ear. She smiled mischievously as she felt the blonde shiver beneath her. She tangled her fingers in the long blonde hair - knowing exactly what it would do to the blonde – and tugged on it softly. Brittany's grip tightened around Santana's legs as she slowly lowered her to the ground but before climbing off she pressed herself into her blonde's neck with a grin causing Brittany to sigh quietly. She swung her leg back around so Brittany could stand back up with a dark blush on her cheeks.

"Where's the tinsel?" Brittany asked as she rubbed the back of her neck trying to avoid eye contact with Santana.

"It's in my room; I'll go and get it." Santana began to walk towards her bedroom door but was stopped as Brittany rushed past her.

"I'll get it. You should go get yourself some breakfast." she shouted over her shoulder. Brittany cracked Santana's door open and peeked her head in like she was checking to make sure the coast was clear. When she made sure the room was in fact empty, she walked in and crouched down by the Latina's bed and pulled out a big cardboard box that was labelled 'Christmas shit'. She rolled her eyes at Santana's use of words and smiled softly. Just as she was about to leave, something caught her eye. She slowly turned on her heals and sat down on the bed next to the single sheet of paper. Her eyes widened when she realised what she was holding in her hands. The words of the page were slightly smudged in places, maybe Santana had been crying while writing it and accidently smudged it.

**My bucket list****:**

**- Climb a tree**

**- Learn how to skim a stone**

**- Spend Christmas with my best friends**

**- Spend New Year's Even in New York**

**- Have a snow ball fight in Central Park**

**- Overcome my fears of flying on planes**

**- Read a book **

**- Go to the beach**

**- Bake a cake for Britt's birthday**

Brittany couldn't contain her smile as she carried on reading, but she couldn't believe that Santana wanted to do that for her before she died. She looked around the room to make sure no one could see what she was doing – she knew she shouldn't be reading this, if Santana had wanted her to see it she would have shown her but she hadn't - and began to read on.

**- Wish on a shooting star**

**- Go skinny dipping**

**- Kiss in the rain**

**- Have a picnic under the stars**

**- Fall in love**

**- Get married**

Brittany hadn't realised she had started crying until the drops of water landed on the piece of paper in her hands. She sniffed loudly and roughly wiped at the tears that were falling. Next to 'fall in love' there was a small tick. Brittany's heart welled at the sight, was this about her? Had the Latina actually fallen in love with her? She mentally kicked herself in the face when she remembered when she had told the Latina they couldn't be together, yes Santana had been saying that to the blonde for two months prior but when Brittany had said it to Santana she could see her heart breaking. Brittany shook her head at the memory and wiped away her tears.

"Hurry up, Britt-Britt." Santana called startling the blonde out of her thoughts.

"C-Coming!" her voice cracked and she coughed a few times to get herself back to normal before standing up with the box and walking back out into the living room.

"Are you okay, Brittany? Your eyes are all red." Rachel asked as she pulled the box from the blonde and cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Santana's room's just really dusty." She smiled weakly knowing her excuse was pretty pathetic. However, Rachel nodded anyway and began to put the tinsel on the tree. She collapsed down on the sofa next to Santana who was eating a bowl of 'Special K'. Brittany smiled, the Latina hadn't eaten anything unhealthy – not including the full English her father had made her that day, that was a one off - since she was told about her heart and the blonde couldn't be more proud of her.

"Britt! Guess what?" Quinn jumped into her lap and pulled her into a suffocating hug. Brittany mumbled a 'what' into Quinn's chest. "Santana asked if Rachel and I would like to spend Christmas her, since Kurt and Blaine are going back to Lima. I hope that's okay?"

Brittany beamed a smile towards the blonde and quickly nodded. "That's great!" Quinn stood up and skipped off to help Rachel. "You can cross that off your list as well." Brittany whispered to herself.

Santana's head darted round, her eyes were wide and her mouth was gaping with her chewed up food on show. '_Shit, I didn't mean to say that.'_ Brittany scolded herself and gave Santana a nervous look.

"I… I-" Brittany stuttered out as she tried to find her words.

"You read my list?" Santana finally asked after swallowing the contents of her mouth. A light blush began to climb its way up her neck.

"I'm sorry; it was on your bed. I didn't… I… I'm sorry." Brittany wanted to punch herself, she felt like she had just portrayed her best friend.

"No…" Santana shook her head and held her hand up to silence Brittany. "It's okay, well no it's not but I was going to show you it sooner or later. I'm not mad." Brittany sighed out in relief and threw her head back against the pillow she had been leaning on. "Do you think it's stupid?" Brittany looked back down at Santana confused. "My list, do you think it's stupid?" she clarified for the blonde.

Brittany rapidly shook her head with wide eyes. "No, it's not stupid." She whispered and pulled the Latina in for a hug. "It's not stupid at all." She kissed the top of her head sweetly and kept her wrapped up in her arms.

Santana's bedroom door clattered open and a blur of bodies lunged onto her bed. "Santana! Get up. It's Christmas!" They all said in unison. The Latina groaned in response, threw her pillow over her head and buried herself under her covers. It was way too early for her liking.

"Go away." She grumbled and kicked out her legs but they wouldn't budge, there was too much weight on top of her. Suddenly, she felt a soft tickling sensation on her foot and no matter how much she tried to wriggle it away the feeling wouldn't stop. "The fuck?" she craned her neck to see what it was only to be met Brittany blowing on her toes. "Britt! Stop it, it tickles." She giggled and curled herself up into a ball.

"Come on, S! I want to open these presents!" Quinn shouted and began to jump up and down on the bed like a three year old.

"What time is it?" Santana sat up lazily and stretched out her limbs.

"Half past four." Rachel groaned. Apparently even Rachel Berry hated getting up _this_ early. "I tried to keep them in bed but they wouldn't stay quiet sorry, Santana." She gave the Latina a sympathetic smile.

Quinn and Rachel had spent the night on the sofa. Brittany and Santana had offered to share a bed so the couple could have a room but they said they would be fine on the sofa. It was probably for the best; Santana wouldn't have been able to keep her hands of Brittany.

"It's okay, Berry. All of you close your eyes while I get dressed or do you want to see my very sexy lady parts?" she teased with a wink. As if rehearsed, everyone's eyes snapped shut at the same time giving the Latina the chance to climb out of bed and pull on some sweats and a tank top excruciatingly slowly for both blondes who had begun to bounce up and down and impatiently. "Come on children, let's go open some presents." She mocked with a childish voice. Both blonde's hurled themselves off of the bed and out of the door while Rachel and Santana trailed sleepily along behind them.

By the time they got to the living room half of the presents had already been opened, paper was thrown all over the room and the blondes were bouncing around excitedly. "Rachel! Open this one!" Quinn screamed as she raced over with a box. "It's from me." she blushed and handed it over with a kiss.

"Close your eyes Britt! You don't want to see what's in that box…" she giggled as Quinn shoved her playfully. "We don't want to know what they get up to in the bedroom." She screamed as Quinn began to chase her around the room.

"Baby!" Rachel screamed as she pulled the box closer to her chest with a huge smile on her face. "I love it thank you." In the box was a shiny silver frame with a picture of the couple on their first week in New York. They were on a boat in front of the statue of Liberty kissing with their arms wrapped tightly around each other. Even Santana had to admit that it was kind of cute.

"My turn." Rachel announced as she handed Quinn a small box. Quinn was hesitant to open it at first, surprised that her girlfriend had bought her jewellery. In the box was a small silver heart charm with a diamond attached to a chain. Quinn's eyes widened.

"I love you so much." She smiled sweetly and pulled the brunette in for a deep kiss. "Thank you."

Santana and Brittany exchanged awkward glances, both of them blushing slightly. "Enough of that soppy lovey dovey shit." Santana teased. She stood up and walked over to the tree pulling out a present for Brittany. She smiled down at the Latina and pulled her into a hug. "You haven't even opened it yet." She giggled into the blonde's shoulder.

"Oh yeah…" she blushed and pulled away. She carefully tore away the paper, her eyes immediately lighting up. Santana had bought her a sweater, hat, gloves and a matching scarf. All of them were grey with small yellow ducks stitched into the fabric. "Santana!" she grinned widely and threw her arms around her neck then wrapped her legs around her waist. Santana could only hold the blonde up a few seconds before her legs gave way and they collapsed down onto the sofa in a fit of giggles. Brittany only tightened her grip on Santana and began to whisper her thanks in Santana's ear. "You have to open mine now."

Santana pulled away letting Brittany reach over and hand her a large book sized present. "Brittany." She smiled sweetly at the blonde. Her heart stopped when she saw what was in her hands. It was a leather covered book with dark red letters on the front that said 'Santana' around the edges was a silver pattern that wound its way around in swirls and loops. The Latina looked up at the blonde curiously before opening the first page. The first picture was of the two in Santana's car driving to New York. Both of them had huge smiles on their faces, Santana wore her Aviators and Brittany had a bright yellow beany on, their hair was blowing around all over the place. Beneath that was one of them in their apartment on their first day followed by one of Santana in the bar serving a customer a beer. She didn't know who had taken the photo but whoever it was had gone unnoticed by the Latina. "I love it, Britt. Thank you." Just as she was about to reach out and hug her Brittany stepped back.

"Look at the next page."

She did as she was told and gasped at the image. It was Santana in the bar singing on stage with Blaine, her right eye was closed like she was winking at someone towards the back of the bar. It hit her when she realised it was Brittany she was winking at. She couldn't hold back the blush that was burning up her face and a large toothy grin formed uncontrollably.

"Your mother sent me the picture last week. She said she wanted you to have it." Brittany looked almost shy as she explained how she got the photo.

"Brittany, thank you so much. I love… I love it." Santana stopped herself in time before she made an idiot of herself in front of everyone.

If Brittany had noticed her slip up, she didn't show it. "I thought we could fill it with pictures for the rest of the year…" Before she could answer Santana had enveloped her in her arms and was squeezing her so tight that Brittany could barely breathe. "I'm glad you like it." she giggled.

They all sat flat out on the sofa wrapped up in each-others bodies after their Christmas dinner. Santana had never felt so full in her entire life and Quinn and her kept burping loudly causing the other two girls to slap them playfully. Brittany flicked through the movie channels on the TV hoping to find something good to watch, when she passed 'Love actually', Rachel screamed for her to put it on but Santana argued back that she wouldn't depress herself by watching a shitty love film while she was single on Christmas.

"That's your fault." Quinn stated flatly for everyone to hear. Brittany's cheek blushed red and Santana slouched back further into the sofa and with her lips pouted.

"Fine, whatever." She grumbled lifting her feet up to rest on the coffee table. However, Brittany slapped her thigh and pointed at her feet; Santana rolled her eyes but mouthed a sorry before swinging her legs around and throwing them over Quinn and Rachel. She ignored their protests and leaned back against Brittany's chest. "Well isn't this just nifty." She said sarcastically lolling her head back in laughter as she got three sets of glaring eyes directed her way.

Half an hour into the film and all four girls were fast asleep, Quinn and Santana were snoring softly, Santana twitching every now and then followed by a mumble of incoherent words. Brittany had her arms wrapped tightly around Santana's waist with her face buried into her hair. Santana had curled up into a ball in Brittany's lap leaving Quinn and Rachel's legs completely free.

Suddenly, there was a loud knocking at the door and caused Santana to fly off Brittany's lap in shock and slam her back against the coffee table. "Fucking hell!" she swore loudly as she tried to pull herself up but failed when a pain shot through her lower back.

Brittany rushed to her side and carefully helped her up to sit back on the sofa; Quinn and Rachel were still fast asleep with their legs tangled together in a mess of limbs. The knocking came again slightly louder this time and Brittany rushed over to answer it.

"Um, Hello?" she asked when she saw a man not much older than her standing in the door way.

"Hi, I'm Ryan." He held out his hand for the blonde to take and she shook it with a smile. "I live in the apartment down the hall with my boyfriend and I just wanted to ask you if you and your friends would like to come to our roof party on New Year's Eve? I know we don't know each-other but we have invited everyone in the building and it would be a good way to get to know everyone."

Brittany's eyes lit up at the mention of a party and her head began to nod furiously. "Yes. That sounds great! Thank you."

"Great. Just turn up any time after nine. There will of course be alcohol." He smiled sweetly with a wink and then said his good byes before heading off down the hall to the next apartment.

"Is everyone up for a party?" Brittany smiled widely and pumped her fist in the air while she started to pop and lock her body to the none existent music.

They had all decided it would be easier if they all get ready at Brittany and Santana's places so they would all be on time and hopefully wouldn't get separated, Kurt and Blaine had decided to stay in Lima for a little longer with their families.

Quinn was racing around the apartment, frantically looking for her left heel; Santana was crawling under her bed rummaging for her curling iron swearing over and over again while Brittany and Rachel sat calmly on the sofa snaking on a bag of chips. They had been ready for at least an hour now and couldn't help but roll their eyes at how ridiculous the other two girls looked.

"Found it!" Quinn screamed in triumph as she held a black heel above her head with a proud smile on her face.

"Well done, baby." Rachel praised sarcastically with a slight eye roll. Brittany giggled and nudged her shoulder. She stood up and headed over to the kitchen to pour them all a shot – Santana only getting diet coke of course – she pulled her royal blue dress down her thighs slightly so it didn't know off too much skin. She poured the drinks into four glasses and carried them back into the living room. She stopped dead in her tracks and almost dropped the drinks when Santana walked out of her room in a skin tight black dress with her hair perfectly curled and flowing over her shoulders and her four inch high heels that gave her a towering advantage over the other girls whose heels were barely two inches. The blonde gulped audibly and couldn't seem to drag her eyes off of the Latina.

"Oh dear god my ovaries!" Rachel giggled as she wiggled her eyes at Santana causing a blush to creep its way up her neck and onto her cheeks.

"Shut it, Berry." Santana snapped in embarrassment. She wasn't one to normally get embarrassed when it came to people complimenting her but the fact that Brittany was clearly staring at her with her mouth wide open was making her heart race in her chest.

"Are we ready to go then?" Quinn asks as she headed over to the door with her fingers laced with Rachel's tugging her along behind her, she downed her shot in one then placed the glass down on the table beside the door.

"Do we have to go to this thing? I mean I was looking forward to experiencing New Year's Eve in Times Square…" Santana mumbles quietly trying to hide the real reason she wasn't looking forward to this party. She hated the fact that everyone was going to be kissing someone else at mid night but her. She knew Brittany would end up hooking up with same lame ass guy that she could do way batter than, but she didn't want to do that with someone. Maybe she would have in high school but she didn't want to be that girl anymore.

"Oh come on, S! It'll be great." Quinn cheered as they made their way higher up the building and towards the roof. Santana could hear the pounding of the music from two floors down but couldn't quite make out the song yet.

"You guys are all going to be drunk out of your minds and I have to stay sober." Santana huffed and crossed her arms.

"I'll stay sober don't worry. And anyway, you're still going to be in New York, so you can still cross it off on your list." Brittany grinned and bumped their hips together. Santana knew the blonde wouldn't stay sober for too long but she didn't mind, as long as the blonde was having fun everything would be okay.

Just as Santana was about to reply, they opened up the door to the roof causing their eyes o pop open in shock. Three flat screen TV's were set up around the roof showing the count down until midnight, tables and chairs were set up around the outside holding hundreds of bottles of alcohol and a sound system blasting out music. There were about fifty people already here up and dancing - most of them were probably drunk by now – and more kept arriving by the minute.

"Wow…" Santana muttered. Maybe she could have fun without getting drunk…

An hour and a half into the night Brittany, Quinn and Rachel were nowhere to be found. Santana stood by the wall looking out onto the almost empty streets of New York as the odd cab drove by or couples stumbled their way between bars. She was bored out of her mind and kept debating whether or not to return to her apartment. She knew this whole thing was a bad idea. She was sick of all the drunken men coming up to her and asking her if she wanted to dance with them. After the sixth guy came by, she gave up on being polite and settled with telling them to fuck off.

She sipped quietly on her diet coke as her eyes drifted over to one of the TV screens. She couldn't quite make out what was going on, everything just looked like a blur of colour but she could hear people talking on shouting. She pulled out her phone to check the time, 11:20. Forty minutes until the New Year and she were spending the build up to that surrounded by people she didn't know and feeling completely alone.

Suddenly, there was a tap on her shoulder; she spun round ready to go all Lima heights on this guy's ass only to be met by who she assumed was Ryan. His hair was slicked back with a thick layer of gel much like Blaine's; he wore a green turtle neck sweater and very tight skinny jeans. Santana had to bite back all the insults that were bursting to fly out, and smiled sweetly at him. "Having fun?" he asked. "I'm Ryan." He stretched his hand out for her to shake and she shook it politely.

"I would be if I could drink." She mused. He cocked his head to the left but didn't question her. "Nice to meet you, Ryan, I'm Santana."

"How about a dance, Santana?" he asked with his hand held out in front of him. Who was she to turn down a dance? At least she didn't have to worry about him trying it on with her. She nodded and let him lead her into the crowd of sweaty bodied. "So, where are you from?"

"A little town in Ohio called Lima." She shouted over the music.

"My boyfriend's from there."

"Oh yeah? What's he called? No doubt that I know him."

He paused a second contemplating whether or not to tell the girl. "David," he settled on and she nodded waiting for him to carry on. "Karofsky…" Santana froze and her eyes went wide. She hadn't heard from him since the whole school found out he tried to kill himself after he had been outed, he had just sort of disappeared and now she knew why he had took off to New York.

"I wasn't expecting that." She smirked and began to dance again.

Ryan scrunched his nose up with a slight smile forming on his lips. "He told me his high school life was a bit fucked up; by the look on your face I assume he was understating it a bit?"

"You could say that." She laughed. It was a wonder she hadn't seen him around the past couple of months or even tonight. "Is he here tonight?"

Ryan nodded his head and pointed over to the DJ in the far corner. Santana's mouth dropped. Karofsky looked almost unrecognisable, his hair was shaved at the side's army style and the longer bits on the top were highlighted blonde, he wore a football jersey but she couldn't see what colour or what team due to the pour lighting and dark baggie jeans.

"Do you mind if I go and see him?" she asked Ryan, but before he could answer she had already taken off towards the decks. She wound her way through the crowds pushing a shoving until she stopped in front of the taller man. "'Sup, Karofsky."

Karofsky's head shot up at the familiar voice, but just as Santana thought she was about to see a look of anger a genuine smile formed on the man's face. "Oh my god, Santana!" he practically squealed as he pulled her into a death grip. She couldn't breathe and began to bang on the man's chest. He pulled away with a shy look and mouthed an apology. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I've apparently been living down the hall from you for the past couple of months." She said unbelievably. It was just as much a shock to him than it was to her. "I'm surprised I've never seen you around."

"I work the night shift being a DJ at this cool bar down town, so I'm sleeping most of the day." He explains with a shrug. Santana felt weird talking to the ex-jock after so long, she knew she should probably hate him after what he had put Kurt through but they had sorted their differences out and forgot about the whole thing, she also still kind of felt sorry for him after he tried to kill himself.

"Wow, that's pretty cool." she takes a sip of her drink and looks down at the decks in front of her.

"You want to pick the next song?" he offered her.

"Hell yeah!" she tapped her chin in thought, "How about, '_Valerie'_?" she remembered her performance at sections all those years ago and couldn't help but smile, this song had stuck with her ever since.

"Sound's good." Karofsky smiled down at the Latina knowing exactly what she was thinking about. The song started out and a "Whoop" was screamed from the crowed. Santana looked out to see Brittany dancing rather intimately with a tall dark haired man that could have been in his late twenties for all she knew but the blonde was smiling her way with her thumbs up. Santana's blood began to boil and all she could see was red. Suddenly, there was a set off cool hands on her sides; she knew it wasn't Karofsky – he probably would have crushed her - so she turned to face Quinn with a worried look in her eyes.

"Come on San, let's go and get you another drink." She tugged softly on the Latina's hips.

"Bye, Santana! It was nice seeing you again." she heard Karofsky shout from behind her but she could only wave her hand in the air. Her heart was beating so fast she could actually feel it vibrating off of her rib cage.

"Calm down, San. I can feel your heart beat in your hips. You know what will happen if you don't." Quinn warned with a worried tone but her words were completely slurred. Santana cringed at the strong smell of alcohol on the blonde's breath.

"Jeez, Q. how much have you been drinking?" The blonde smiled sheepishly and shrugged.

"I lost count after this much." Quinn raised her hand and wiggled her fingers at the Latina with a lazy grin. Santana rolled her eyes and began searching for Brittany. "Was that Karofsky back there?" Quinn asked but Santana just shrugged and carried on with her search.

"Is she drunk, Q?" Santana asked as her eyes landed back on Brittany's amazing body.

"Surprisingly no, she's just a bit tipsy." Quinn chuckled at the thought of the taller blonde actually staying this sober at a party. Santana just nodded and kept her eyes glued to the blonde dancing. She gripped the edges of her seat tight to stop herself from running over and punching that guy in the face. But just as she was about to stand up and do so, Brittany walked away from him to the other side of the roof with a drink in her hand staring at a TV.

"Hey, it's a minutes until midnight!" Quinn cheered loudly enough for the people surrounding them to join in with her excitement, everyone came to a stop and Karofsky turned down the music. The TV's were turned up so they could all hear what was going on. Everyone began to pair up and Santana suddenly remembered why she was having a shit night. Quinn had her arms Wrapped tightly around Rachel waist with their foreheads touching, getting ready to kiss their way into the New Year, pour love burned in their eyes.

"What the fuck am I doing?" she whispered to herself. Why was she being so dumb when she knew the woman she loved was a couple of feet away from her alone just like she was? Why had she been so stubborn and pathetic all this time? She knew Brittany was what she wanted. She knew Brittany wanted her. What else mattered when all the good cancelled out the bad?

"10… 9… 8…" the countdown began and Santana jumped up off of her feet, "7… 6…" she raced through the crowed and towards the blonde beauty that had joined in with the counting.

"Fuck this." She thought when the crowd didn't seem to move. "Brittany!" she screamed at the top of her lungs to get the girls attention. Brittany spun round in shock to see the Latina jumping and waving for her to meet her half way. She didn't know what the brunette could be wanted but did as she was told.

"5… 4…" the shouting got louder and louder by the second. When the crowd finally parted slightly for her to get through she launched herself at the blonde, her arms and legs wrapped around her body. Brittany didn't know whether it was the alcohol or the cold air but she was in complete shock.

"3… 2… 1…"

"Happy New Year, Britt-Britt." Santana pressed her lips against Brittany's. Her fingers tangled into the long blonde locks and pulled her lips closer to hers. She felt Brittany moan loudly against her mouth and grip at Santana's thighs to lift her up a bit more so she wouldn't drop the Latina in her euphoric haze.

Everything around them seemed to silence. They couldn't hear the loud screams and cheers from the people around them; they couldn't even hear the fireworks that were erupting in the sky above them. All they could hear was the soft moans coming from each-others mouths. Brittany's heart was pounding roughly in her chest as it tried desperately to break free and morph with the Latina's to form one. "Santana…" Brittany mumbled against the Latina's lips.

"Shh, just kiss me." Santana pulled the blonde impossibly closer and swiped her tongue against her bottom lip begging for entrance. Brittany parted her lips and sucked in Santana's tongue causing the brunette to buck her hips against the blonde's stomach roughly.

"Oh…" Brittany moaned uncontrollably and moved her hands up to cup Santana's butt.

"Take me home Britt-Britt." Santana panted out as Brittany's lips moved down to suck on her neck.

Nothing mattered anymore, nothing outside of Santana and Brittany that is.

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Bofore you all panic because of the cliff hanger, i will carry on where they left off in the next chapter! x


	15. Chapter 15

Sorry it's late! i've had a lot going on latey so i've split this chapter into two so you can have a quicker update.

* * *

Chapter 15

"God, Brittany…" Santana moaned softly into the blonde's lips as she was pressed harder to the stairwell wall by Brittany's body, the throbbing in between her legs was getting stronger and strong by the second and more and more unbearable. The taller girl racked her finger roughly along Santana's thighs and tugged her bottom lip between her teeth. "Home, now." Santana instructed for the third time since they had left the party, her heart was pounding erratically in her chest and her breaths were coming out choppy and laboured.

Brittany nodded without breaking contact with Santana's lips and began to make her way down the stairs with the Latina firmly wrapped around her waist. "I want you so bad." Brittany growled as she dug her nails into Santana's butt causing the Latina to buck her hips uncontrollably which in turn made Brittany's eyes roll back into her head.

When they finally reached the door to their apartment Brittany let Santana down carefully to fumble with the keys in the lock, she began to sway slightly but the blonde wrapped her arms firmly around her waist to hold her up right. "Are you okay? Should we stop?" Brittany asked as she nibbled on the Latina's neck.

"Hell no." Santana moaned and tipped her head to the side while she wrapped her hand around Brittany's neck to pull her closer. Before they could even get the door open, the brunette was being pulled up off of the ground and her legs were slung around Brittany's waist where her ankles locked together. The blonde began to slowly push her fingers up past the hem of Santana dress and towards her lace covered butt, the low whimpers and quiet moans propelled them forward until Santana began to grind her core against Brittany as she tried to seek out the much need friction to help along with the furious pounding in between her legs. Soft moans broke free and her head slammed back against the wood of the door. Brittany began to reciprocate the movement while twisting the door handle to enter the apartment. Santana's movement got faster and more frantic, her dress had been hiked up around her waist and Brittany's hands slowly moved up to un-hook the strapless bra that was blocking her from touching the mouth-watering set of twins on Santana's chest.

She pulled the lacy fabric away with ease and it landed on the floor beside Santana's bed, the zip on the dress was pulled down and Brittany all but yanked the dress from the Latina's radiant body leaving her clad in only her blue lace panties. "Oh my god…" Brittany sighed down at the Latina with lust filled eyes. "You're fucking beautiful."

Santana peered up at the blonde bashfully before yanking on Brittany's dress for her to fall on top of her. She landed with a quiet 'umf' before slamming her lips down hard against Santana's. Brittany brought her thigh up and pressed it to the Latina's core; she pulled away from the kiss and let out a small whimper then began to buck her hips against Brittany. Santana moaned uncontrollably in response to the pleasure that was slowly overwhelming her body.

She reluctantly pulled away, "Get your dress off." She ordered. The blonde didn't need to be tolled twice. She jumped up and rather ungracefully tore the dress away from her body to let it pool by her feet. "Oh…" Santana moaned uncontrollably, the blonde stood completely naked in front of the bed.

"Good day to go commando." Brittany giggled as she climbed back onto the bed and seductively crawled over to the awaiting Latina. Santana bit down on her bottom lip, she gripped down on the bed sheets and in desperate need of some sort of release she began to grind her hips against the mattress. Brittany moaned deeply at the sight in front of her, she could have got off just by watching Santana do that alone but grabbed the Latina's thighs to stop the movement.

"C'mere." It came out of Santana's mouth in a rushed breath, but those words sent a flurry of sparks down Brittany's entire body. Brittany lunged forward and latched their lips together. She rocked her hips against the brunette's. The wetness from behind her underwear, leaked onto Brittany's thing. The heat was almost hot enough to scorch the blonde's skin. Brittany slowly slid her hands up neatly toned abs and froze when she reached those amazing twins and groaned as a rush of pleaser flushed through her body. "Touch me." Santana whispered.

Brittany was so sure that her heart had just imploded in her chest. Her hands began to shake as she inched them up cautiously towards the perfect mounds and when she finally held both in her hands a soft moan escaped her lips. "Santana… are you sure you want this?"

Santana was suddenly taken aback by the question but nodded; she had never been so sure of anything in her entire life. Nothing meant more to her in her entire life than being here right now with the woman she loved. "I want you, Brittany. Only you." She whispered into the blonde's ear.

That was all the confirmation the blonde needed. "You're so fucking beautiful." Brittany began to massage Santana's breasts causing the Latina to arch her back up into Brittany's hands. Brittany kissed down Santana's jaw, her neck and finally began to suck on the racing pulse point beneath bronze skin. Santana gasped sharply and dug her nails into the skin on Brittany's back. Brittany licked and nibbled at the patch of skin where she had chosen to leave her mark.

The moans from her throat began to get louder and louder as Brittany sucked harder and harder. She squeezed and kneaded her breasts over and over until she was once again rocking beneath the blonde's body. Santana's left hand clasped around Brittany's neck holding her eagerly to her body and her head lolled back when the blonde finally dragged her mouth down to her right breast.

"Fuck! Brittany, don't stop." Santana's voice sent shivers down Brittany's body. Brittany pushed gently on her shoulders until she was flat out on the bed again. The blonde shuffled slowly down her body so she was facing her chest and finally ducked down to meet the mounds again. Her lips met soft skin as she began to lick in small circles around her erect nipples.

Santana groaned at Brittany's touch and the grip she had on the blonde's back tightened enough to draw blood. Brittany didn't even care about the pain that shot through her like a bullet.

Suddenly, her index finger was pressed firmly under Brittany's chin and began to slowly lift her head up so that their eyes met. She smiled down at the blonde showing off the whites of her teeth.

"Kiss me." her voice was so deep and full of pleasure that Brittany had to clamp her mouth shut to stop the whimper that was climbing up her throat from escaping. Without a second thought, the blonde did as she was commanded and slowly shuffled up the bed so that their lips were level. Santana's warm breath was silk against Brittany's skin and she couldn't help but let her eyes roll back into her head.

Santana's smooth lips pressed lightly against Brittany's as a small gasp escaped the blonde's mouth. Brittany couldn't believe what was happening. The woman she had wanted for the last four months was lying in her bed almost completely naked letting her touch and kiss her.

"Are you ok Britt?" Her voice snapped the blonde back to reality. Santana was looking up at her with a worried look, her hand gripping hers with her thumb stroking small circles onto pale skin.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful." Was the only thing Brittany could think to say. Santana's concerned look shifted to one of pride and arousal. She shifted up onto her elbows and pressed her lips harshly against Brittany's, her hand squeezing the back of her neck and pulled her closer than they already were.

Brittany traced her index fingers down the front of Santana's stomach and stopped at the elastic waistband of the brunette's panties. "Take them off." Santana mumbled against the blonde's lips. Brittany nodded once and slowly began to slide the panties down Santana's thighs excruciatingly slow. Santana bent her knees to make it easier for the blonde to remove the garment. Brittany grinned widely down at Santana as she held the pieces of lace in her hands. She hooked them round her thumb and pulled back before letting go and firing them somewhere across the room. "Britt." Santana giggled.

At the sound of the Latina's giggle, Brittany couldn't help but grind her hips down into the Latina's core. Santana pulled her down as her eyes filled with want and a sudden pool formed in the pit of her stomach. Their bare chests pressed together. For a moment Santana's mind went blurry but that all changed when Brittany's fingers laced with hers. Santana began to play with her fingers before slowly guided their hands down; Brittany's heart began to race even faster than it already had been. The blonde's fingers suddenly came into contact with hot, smooth skin.

Santana pulled her fingers from the taller girl's and rested her hand on her cheek as she softly kissed her. Brittany traced small patterns teasingly on the skin just above where the heat and wetness was building up. Small whimpers and moans seeped from Santana's mouth, her hips slowly rocked upwards, desperate to try and meet Brittany's fingers.

When the temptation finally got too much, Brittany's fingers travelled even further down to meet wet and blazing heat.

"Fuck!" Santana's hips ground harder into Brittany's hand. Her index finger swiped across her clit. The hand on Brittany's cheek had moved to her arm and her nails had begun to dig in. Brittany began to rub tight circles around the swollen nub getting faster and faster. Santana body began to writhe beneath her, her hips bucked up every time Brittany would add more pressure and a loud moan would part from her mouth.

Brittany couldn't believe what was happening… This was her and Santana. The one person she loved more than anyone in the world was lying here in front of her, ready to let her do this. She trusted her this much.

Brittany's fingers slowly circled her entrance teasing her more and more as the seconds past. Her moans had gotten louder but when she finally pushed her finger slowly inside the noise that escaped her mouth in a hurried breath made Brittany's heart explode, the pounding in between the blonde's legs made her dizzy.

Her walls clenched tightly around Brittany's finger and the heat inside absorbed her. "Santana, you are… oh fuck-" Her mind was too blinded by her own pleasure to even think up the words to finish her sentence. Brittany began to slowly pump her fingers in and out.

Santana rocked her hips into the blonde's long finger, driving Brittany harder into her and with each thrust came a strangled moan. When Brittany began to pull her finger out, she nudged a second finger forward and slid it in slowly along with the other. Everything felt so much tighter and she was worried she would hurt her but when the Latina dug her nails into the pale skin hard, pressed her forehead against hers and began to moan the blonde's name over and over, Brittany knew she was doing something right. "Brittany, baby, I'm so fucking close. So fucking close to coming, please don't stop."

With that, Brittany thrust her hand as hard as she could into her using her hips as extra leverage. Santana sunk her teeth into Brittany's neck as she screamed gutturally. It ripped from her throat and into the blonde's ears. Her walls clenched tightly around Brittany's two fingers as stars erupted in front of Santana's vision. Brittany held her lips against Santana's neck but didn't move them to kiss her or pull away.

Her body twitched and shuddered beneath Brittany while she gasped sharply for air. She brought her quivering lips to meet the blonde's; they barely touched but bolts of electric shot through Brittany's body.

She slowly collapsed back down on the bed, her neat brown hair was now messed and Brittany slowly lifted her hand to tuck a stray piece behind her ear. Santana's chest heaved up and down as her dark chocolate eyes peered up at crystal blue.

Slowly, she lowered herself down to lie next to her. Her long fingers were still inside of Santana and as she carefully pulled them out she whimpered softly into the blonde's ear. Brittany smiled into the crook of Santana's neck and placed her hand onto the tanned chest.

She instantly retracted her hand when she felt how fast the Latina's heart was pounding. She would have been proud of herself if she knew that Latina didn't have a serious heart condition. Her whole body bolted up right and her eyes widened. "Santana." She reached out and placed her finger tips on top of her heart.

"That… was… amazing." Santana panted out between ragged breaths. "Best… sex ever." She said firmly with a lazy smirk. Her eyes flickered open when the blonde didn't reply, only to be met with a frantic expression. "Britt?"

"Are you okay? Does your chest hurt? Are you going to pass out or throw up? Oh god should I fall an ambulance?" She asked panicked, but before Santana could answer she had thrown the covers off of her body and ran towards her chest of draws where she kept a spare strip of pills just in case of an emergency. She raced back over to Santana and straddled the brunette.

"Britt. I'm fine." She tried to reassure the blonde but she had already popped two pills out and held them out for the Latina to take. "I'm fine, Brittany." She said more firmly this time and the blonde heard just fine. She lowered her hand but made sure she was ready to use CPR if the Latina was downplaying things. Santana looked up sadly at the blonde. "Is this what it's going to be every time we have sex? You'll be running around panicking in case you've killed me?"

Brittany looked down with a small smile in her lips. "Does this mean we'll be having sex more than once?"

Santana tried to keep the serious look on her face but the corners of her mouth started to twitch up into a smile at how adorable the blonde was being. "Britt, I'm serious. I don't want you panicking after we have sex."

Brittany nodded in agreement. "I'm sorry."

"I have a doctor's appointment on the third, if you come with me we can ask him if there is anything we can do. You know, to make it safer for me?" Santana said cautiously.

"I never thought I would be having _safe_ sex with another girl." Brittany giggled and dropped her forehead to rest against Santana's. Santana returned the smile; she reached up and planted a soft kiss on Brittany's lips. "What does this mean for us?" Brittany asked after a few short seconds. As much as she wanted this to end up being something serious, she couldn't help but think that the Latina was just going to run away like a scared little girl because she didn't want to leave Brittany heart broken.

"Like I said before, I want you and only you. I want to be with you, Brittany, more than anything. And I know I've been worrying about my fucked up heart," she paused to capture the blonde's lips in her own; Brittany hummed in response and wrapped her arms around Santana's neck. "But I really do want to be with you, and I know that as long as I have the people I love around me I will be able to keep myself alive long enough until I get a new heart. Who knows? Maybe Doctor Richardson will call me tomorrow and tell me I have one on the way!" Santana beamed as Brittany planted another kiss on her lips.

"Does that mean I can call you my girlfriend now?" Brittany asked almost inaudibly.

Santana nodded with a grin so wide that Brittany swore she could even see her very back teeth. "I love you Britt-Britt."

Tingles and shivers charged through the blonde's body. Santana had said these words to her so many times before, but this time it felt different. This time they were a couple. "I love you so much, Santana."

Their lips connected into heated kiss. Brittany's hands were tangled in almost raven hair and Santana's hand had begun to trail up Brittany's thighs and stopped just at her waist. "How about I repay the favour?" Santana teased as she trailed an index finger up the inside of Brittany's thigh causing the blonde to shiver. She pressed their lips back together, the corners of her lips turned up into a smile as she pulled the Latina on top of her.

"Oh, god please." She begged before crashing their lips together.

Santana woke up to bright sun shine beaming through Brittany's bedroom window. The room was at least twenty times as bright as her own and took her just as long to let her eyes adjust, the baby blue walls had small yellow ducks and unicorns printed on them. Along the far wall were pictures of Brittany and Santana, the first was one of them when they were ten at their first gymnastics competition. The next was of the two girls in mid air jumping into pool with Quinn splashing them. The rest were of them as they got older through high school. She had bright pink curtains that really didnt match the rest of the room but it was cute and summed up Brittany perfectly.

If someone who didn't know the blonde were to walk in, they would have thought Santana had a daughter. A sudden wave of sadness flushed over the brunette's body. She wouldn't have the chance to have her own family. She wouldn't have the chance to watch them grow up, cry on their first day of school, scream and shout when they sneak back home in the early hours of the morning drunk from some house party or see them graduate from college.

Santana shook her head to rid herself of the thought. She couldn't think about that when there was so much good going on in her life at the moment – not including the dodgy heart – and that's all that mattered right now. She smiled tiredly and reached her arm out next to her expecting to find Brittany's sleeping body, except all that she found was a cold empty space.

She lifted herself up to rest on her elbows and looked down at the empty bed with furrowed brows. Brittany must have been gone a while if the bed was now cold. She reluctantly peeled away the warm bed covers to be hit with what felt like a blast of freezing cold air and walked over to Brittany's chest of draws. She rummaged around for a while until she found a baggy tee shirt and some sweats and pulled them onto her naked body. She in haled deeply, the sweet scent of Brittany swamping all of her senses causing chills to quake her entire body.

Once she had recovered and the chills had died down, she made her way over to the bedroom door and quietly cracked it open so that she wouldn't make any noise, she didn't know whether Quinn and Rachel slept the night and were still asleep. She took a step out into the hall, her warm bare feet felt sweaty against the freezing wood.

Her body relaxed when she heard noises coming from the kitchen, a smile widened across her face when she realised it was singing. Three different voices harmonising perfectly, Santana's head began to bob along with the music as she made her way closer to the women. The song brought so many memories of high school flooding back that goose bumps erupted all over her body.

She stood just outside of the doorway so no one could see her.

_Just a small town girl_

_Livin' in a lonely world _

_She took the midnight train goin' anywhere_

Quinn's voice filled the kitchen. She could sing this part just as well as Finn and sounded so good. It made her wonder why Quinn hadn't got as many solos as the taller man.

_Just a city boy _

_Born and raised in South Detroit_

_He took the midnight train goin' anywhere_

Obviously, Rachel sang her verse like a pro. She linked her hands with Quinn's as they spun around the kitchen staring deeply into each-other's eyes. The music carried on playing and Santana couldn't help but smile when she realised it was her part coming up.

_A singer in a smoky room_

Santana felt chills run down her spine as Brittany sang out Puck's part perfectly.

_The smell of wine and cheap perfume_

She took a step into the kitchen and belted out her first line. Everyone spun round to face her with beaming smiles.

_For a smile they can share the night_

_It goes on and on and on and on_

She and Brittany sounded so good together when they sang; it was a wonder how they hadn't got more duets. Brittany lifted Santana up into her arms and spun them around in a small circle; the Latina hooked her legs around the blonde's waist and pulled her closer so she could plant a soft kiss on her lips. "Morning beautiful." Brittany smiled against full lips.

_Strangers waiting_

_Up and down the boulevard_

_Their shadows searching in the night_

_Streetlight, people_

_Livin' just to find emotion_

_Hidin' somewhere in the night_

_Some will win, some will lose_

_Some are born to sing the blues_

_And now the movie never ends_

_It goes on and on and on and on_

All four girls began to belt out the rest of the song at the top of their lungs. Laughing and giggling as they danced around the kitchen attempting to make their breakfast.

Ten minutes later and they had all collapsed out onto the sofa curled up at either end in pairs. Santana couldn't help but laugh at the other couple; their dishevelled looks were hilarious to look at. Quinn's hair was sticking up in all directions, her makeup was all blotchy on her cheeks, her mascara was smudged around her eyes and every now and then she would groan in pain then mumble something about a headache.

Rachel was even funnier. Every time Santana would look at the smaller girl she would burst out into a fit of laughter and snorts. She looked like a scare crow, her hair was frizzy and knotted, her lip stick had smudged across her cheek and she had dark bags under her eyes. Neither girl had been this hung over since high school. It was a wonder how either of them had managed to get up off the sofa this morning.

"Seriously, Quinn. If you didn't want to have a hangover, you should have come back when Britt and me did." Santana teased and kicked the blonde playfully.

"We _did._ But we couldn't sleep thanks to you two!" She shot Brittany and Santana one of her 'queen bitch' glares but both girls seemed to be immune to its affects. "How _loud _do you have to be, San?"

A furious blush flooded Santana's cheeks; she looked away from the blonde and back to the TV as she tried to act like she hadn't heard what Quinn had just said. She hadn't been that loud had she? She hadn't even cared how loud she was being at the time. Who would when they had a gorgeous blonde making them feel so good?

She suddenly felt strong arms pulling her by her waist and looked over to see Brittany smiling cheekily at her. Santana shuffled over and climbed into her lap, Brittany pulled her tight into her body and inhaled deeply. She kissed the crook of her neck and began to trail patterns up and down her arms. "Last night was amazing." Brittany whispered loud enough for only Santana to hear. Goose bumps erupted all over her body all the blonde's touch and words.

As if it was possible, Santana's blush deepened as she playfully slapped Brittany's thigh but replied anyway. "Yes it was, and I can't wait for round two." It was Brittany's turn to blush this time and Santana couldn't help but giggle at the sight.

"As much as I'm glad that you two are finally together," Quinn interrupted followed by a "Hallelujah" from Rachel. "I do not care to hear about your 'sexcapdes'. So can we please just watch TV without me throwing up all over my girlfriend and me?" She deadpanned.

"Please, like it would make either of you look any worse?" Santana spat back.

Brittany buried her face into the crook of Santana's neck to hide her giggles but they were too loud. Santana bit down on her bottom lip to hide her grin, Quinn and Rachel were looking at her with offended and shocked looks. But before Santana had the chance to apologise, Rachel had thrown herself off of Quinn and was racing toward the bathroom with her hands clasped tightly over her mouth.

"Tell her I didn't mean it, Q." Santana shouted as Quinn followed Rachel off to the bathroom to hold the girls hair back as she most likely went to empty to contents of her stomach.

"That was mean, San." Brittany giggled and began to kiss the skin behind of the Latina's ear.

"Oh shush you." Santana spun round to straddle the blonde's waist. "You laughed as well." before Brittany could defend herself, Santana pressed their lips firmly together.

Brittany hummed into Santana's lips and slid her hands down to cup Santana's butt. "I could get used to this." Brittany mumbled and smiled against Santana's lips as she hoisted the girl up into her arms and carried her off towards her bedroom.


	16. Chapter 16

Just had a mini heart attack! i accidently deleted this chapter but thank god I'd saved it to my pen or shit would have gone down!

just wanted to say thank for reviewing, following and favouriting it really does push me to carry on writing! :)

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Chapter 16

"Jesus Christ, Quinn!" Santana screamed as they sprinted and trudged through knee high snow in central park. "Run faster!" The Latina lunged off the steps and landed in a crouch before standing back up and racing off towards a large tree for cover.

"Santana, slow down!" Quinn screamed between heavy pants. "I'm not as fit as I used to be." She skidded to a halt when Santana's hand clutched the back of her scarf and pulled her behind the tree. Quinn's breath was coming out choppy and formed thick white clouds on front of her face.

"Hurry up and help me make a pile of snow balls before they see your fat ass and turn us in to snow men." Santana ordered as she squatted down and started compressing piles of snow into balls the size of tennis balls. It had been Brittany's idea to go and have a snowball fight in the middle of Central Park when she had realised how much it had snowed overnight. None of the other girls had it in their hearts to decline when they saw how excited she was. _"Come on, San! It's another thing to cross off your list! It'll be so cool. I've never seen snow like this, all the snow in Lima would have turned to sludge by now." _she had shouted as she tugged the Latina down the street and towards the park.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that." Quinn said blankly as she tried to look over her shoulder at her butt, but only made herself look like a puppy chasing their tail. Suddenly, a ball of snow crashed into the side of Quinn's face causing a sharp sting to surge through her cheek. "Fuck!"

"Smart one, Quinn. Look what your fat ass did! They found us." Santana snapped and threw herself chest down into the snow. She clutched a snow ball tightly in her hand as Brittany and Rachel came skidding down the steps just a couple of yards away from where Quinn and Santana were. "Get them Quinn!"

As ordered, Quinn began to thrown the snowballs at the two girls but completely missing them each time. "You throw like a girl, Q." Santana sniggered.

"I am a girl." Quinn deadpanned. "You get way too competitive for your own good."

Brittany's eyes immediately zoned in on the Latina buried in a pile of snow and started to throw snow ball after snow ball in the girl's direction. She heard a high pitched scream emanate from Santana and couldn't suppress her fit of laughter. "Come on, San! Fight back!" Brittany managed in between giggles.

"You asked for it." Santana snickered under her breath; she jumped up in a blur of dark hair and began to pelt the blonde with balls of icy snow. "Quinn! Get Rachel!" Santana squealed and began to retreat down the path way closely followed by Brittany and leaving the other two girls to battle it out alone.

She ran as fast as she could, her chest was heaving with the breathless laughing and squealing. Just as she was about to jump behind another tree, she felt strong arms picking her up off of the ground and spun her around in tight circles.

"Brittany!" she squeaked and wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck and pulled her tight against her body.

"We win." She said proudly and placed Santana back down on the ground.

Santana shook her head and pulled the blonde down by the neck and crashed their lips together into a heated kiss. "I win…" she mumbled against Brittany's lips. Brittany slipped her tongue into the Latina's mouth, her knees nearly turned to jelly when Santana moaned against her mouth. She backed Santana up against the tree and slipped her thigh in between her legs. Santana whimpered but reluctantly pushed the blonde back. "Let me?"

At the brunette's words, a heated throbbing began to pound between Brittany's legs and she had to bite down hard on her bottom lip to stop herself from moaning. Santana crashed their lips back together before swiftly switching their positions. The Latina pulled away to make sure there was no one nearby and slowly slipped her hand into Brittany's sweat pants. Her fingers were instantly plunged into scorching hot wetness. "Santana!" Brittany screamed into Santana shoulder as the Latina thrust two fingers into Brittany's entrance. The blonde dug her finger nails into Santana's wrist as she moved the Latina's hand faster and faster into herself.

"You're so fucking hot." Santana husked into the blonde's ear.

Brittany's cheeks had turned a bright rosy pink, and her whole body was shivering, whether it was from being out side in the cold or the amazing feelings Santana was giving her, neither girl cared how cold the freezing air around them was affecting their bodies.

Santana flicked her thumb over the blonde's clit causing her hips to buck against the Latina's hand and a low quivering moan to escape her mouth. "San- Santana… I'm going to come…" Brittany's voice was strained and her body thrashed around wildly beneath Santana. The only noise Santana could hear were the ragged pants coming from Brittany's mouth.

Santana pulled her fingers out of the blonde fully causing her to whimper in protest but just as she was about to tell Santana not to stop, the Latina thrust an extra finger into Brittany. Brittany's scream was muffled by Santana's mouth on hers as she toppled over the edge. The Latina kept her thumb pressed to the blonde's clit and slowly rubbed light circles over the swollen nub but when the intense feelings finally got too much; Brittany pulled Santana's hand away slowly with a whimper.

"You… win…" Brittany finally stuttered out between shuddering breaths. Santana let out a low chuckle; she tugged playfully on the blonde's navy blue beany so it was covering the girl's eyes before slowly lacing their fingers together. "Come on, Britt. I have an appointment at three and I'm starving." Santana helped the blonde to walk in a straight line for the first couple of steps as they rounded the corner to find Rachel and Quinn sitting on a bench all cuddled up.

"Took your time." Quinn teased with a neatly raised eyebrow and shot the Latina a smug look. Santana sent the blonde a warning glare before explaining to the couple that they were heading for lunch if they wanted to join them. Quinn shook her head however and told them that Blaine and Kurt should be arriving back sometime soon so they wanted to be there when they arrived home.

The couples went their separate ways, Santana sighed in relief. "Finally! Some time to ourselves." She sang cheerfully and pulled Brittany closer to her body and revelled in the warmth the blonde's body was emitting.

"San, we've had plenty of time to ourselves." Brittany looked down at the Latina with a hint of confusion in her eyes but the rest of her face was beaming with a smile that graced her lips at the thought of the Latina wanting her best friend to leave her alone so she could be with Brittany.

"Not enough." Santana huffed.

Brittany giggled sweetly before kissing away Santana's pout. "Not that I don't want to be with you." she tried to reassure the smaller girl but Santana just shrugged and turned her head away from the blonde to secretly smirk. She knew Brittany didn't like it when Santana teased her but she couldn't help herself. "Santana," It was Brittany's turn to pout this time. "You know I want to be with you, all the time, none stop, no matter where you are. There isn't anyone else I would rather be with."

Santana's heart grew in size at the blonde's words, she turned back to face Brittany and halted her walking. "I love you, Britt." The smile that formed on Santana's face would make a Cheshire cat look clinically depressed. "I love you so freaking much it hurts. I'll never leave you alone. Never."

Brittany reached out to cup one of Santana's cheeks and began to stroke her thumb over the flushed skin. She knew what Santana was promising her wasn't a promise she could keep. She knew that in the end, she would be alone. That was the inevitable truth. But that didn't matter right now, all she cared about was enjoying the time they had left together, as a couple. "I love you, Santana." She didn't kiss the Latina but she leant forward and pressed their foreheads against each-other. She let herself drown in the dark brown pools of pure love before rubbing her nose against Santana's softly to give her an Eskimo kiss.

Santana breathed in a shaky breath before slowly closing her eyes and just let herself enjoy being so close to Brittany without having to worry about anything other than the blonde pulling away from her. She nuzzled her face into the blonde's neck. They stood there for a matter of minutes; Brittany held Santana in her arms as passers-by gave them confused looks. "How about we go and have some lunch?" Brittany's words were muffled by Santana's hair but they were loud enough to be heard.

"In a minute… just… in a minute." Santana replied and tightened her grip around Brittany's waist. She was way too comfortable to move.

They didn't go to lunch.

By the time they had pulled out of their embrace it was already half past two. Neither girl had ever felt so content in their entire lives and hated it when they realised the time and they were probably going to be late for Santana's appointment.

Brittany never really understood how time could really fly by, she'd heard her parents and many other adults say it before but no matter how hard she tried, she could never get her time machine to work. When she'd asked her parents how they had gotten hers to work, they'd just laughed and gave her a silly grin. She'd always thought it was because she was 'stupid' that hers never worked, she'd tried so hard but no matter how hard she tried to get smarter in class it still wouldn't work. Santana had always called her a genius however, and told her that she would figure it out soon enough. That had always pushed the blonde to keep trying. However, it was now she realised what people really meant when they said time flies. Everything seemed to be going so fast the more time she spent with Santana. She hadn't even realised she'd stood in the middle of Central Park with the Latina in her arms for at least an hour and a half.

It was scary to think about how fast things were actually going. To think that it would be less than a year and Santana might not be here anymore. How fast would half a year go if she was having this much fun and feeling this happy? Brittany didn't even want to think about that right now, she shook her head and tightened her grip on Santana's shaking hand.

They stood in the elevator heading up to Dr Richardson's office. Santana's heart was racing in her chest and it almost felt painful, her guts were twisting in side of her and she had to clamp her mouth shut in hope that she would throw up everywhere.

This always happened to her when she came here. She didn't know why, she'd never used to get nervous coming to the hospital and she'd never felt nervous around doctors either – obviously not, her father was a doctor and she loved him to bits – but lately things had changed and she hated it.

She moved closer to the girl next to her, her body pressed against the blonde's side as Brittany wrapped her arms around Santana's waist causing Santana's jittery body to relax slightly. "Everything will be okay, I'm here." Brittany soothed but she hadn't told Santana she was just as scared. This was the first time she'd accompanied the Latina to one of her appointments, every time Brittany asked Santana would shake her head and tell her that she would be okay on her own or that the blonde needed to go and find a job. Brittany would always pout or storm off to her room but she knew if the Latina didn't want her there, there must have been a good reason for it.

As the door opened with a way too cheerful 'ding' Santana could have scoffed, but she felt like her heart plummeted to her stomach at the sound. She hated that sound so much. Every time she heard that sound it meant that she would most definitely be getting bad news from the doctor, she would get the same speech over and over about how the hospital still hadn't found her a heart yet but she shouldn't give up hope yet. She rolled her eyes irritably at the past memories of Doctor Richardson's excuses. She hated that every time she left the hospital she would have a stream of tears pouring from her eyes. And that was why she hadn't wanted Brittany to come all those other times. She didn't want the blonde to see her so broken.

Santana was pulled from her thoughts when the doctor ushered the couple into his office and sat Santana up on the paper covered bed in the corner. "Hello, Santana." He smiled sweetly down at the Latina who gave him an awkward nod in return. "How have you been feeling?" He began to strap a chord around the bicep of her arm and tapped a few times in the crook of her elbow over a light blue vein.

Santana shrugged her shoulders indifferently. "I'm taking my meds, eating healthily, I haven't had a drink in three months and I've had Britt here to keep me from going insane." She points over to the bashful blonde with a wink before turning back to the doctor just as he was about to insert a needle into her arm.

She felt the blood suddenly rush out of her cheeks and the bile race up her throat. Her body went rigid before lurching forward and emptying the contents of her stomach onto the sparkling white floor.

All the times she'd had blood taken she had never once looked at the needle. Ever since she was a child she'd hated the sight and the feeling the things caused. Her head spun as the image popped into her mind again causing her to go rigid again and gag but nothing came up. Brittany was up in a shot and had her arm wrapped tightly around Santana's shoulders. She rubbed small circles between the Latina's shoulder blades and pressed a soft kiss to the girl's temple.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry about that I should have warned you." Dr Richardson hurried back over to the two girls with some tissues and a bowl. "Are you going to be okay?"

Santana just nodded weakly and leant her head against Brittany's chest. The room was spinning and her body had begun to shake slightly. She could hear the doctor asking Brittany some questions and answering them confidently but she couldn't hear what they were saying. It was like she was underwater again.

She didn't know how much time had passed but she had managed to have her blood taken and her heart rate monitored and now the haziness was just starting to clear up she could finally talk to the doctor however, she still sounded slightly slurred.

"Any information… about the… heart?" she mumbled lazily yet she already knew what the answer would be.

"I'm sorry, Santana. I haven't heard anything new…" he sighed sadly. Santana slumped her body in resignation. She didn't know why she bothered asking anymore. She knew the answer before it even came. Brittany's grip tightened around Santana's waist and whispered something reassuring into the Latina's ear but she couldn't make it out. "I really am sorry, Santana. You're a sweet and caring girl and you don't deserve what you're going through." Santana couldn't make eye contact with anyone in the room she kept her gaze glued to her hands and held back the tears flooding behind her eyes. "I promise you that when I get that news I won't hesitate to call you."

She nodded meekly and let her shoulders slump.

"Do you have any questions?" He asked after a while of awkward silence. He kept his eyes glued to the girls in front of him, he was trying to see any signs of confusion or worry that either of them might have about what was going on. "Any worries or concerns?" he added just in case.

"Actually," Santana said quietly, a blush began to creep up her cheeks and her eyes drifted away from the doctor. "We were… err wondering…" Santana trailed off as the embarrassment got too much for her.

"It's okay," Brittany gave Santana a reassuring squeeze and kissed her cheek. "We were wondering if it would be safe for us to have… sex." Brittany paused slightly before finishing her question. She knew how some people could get uncomfortable about this kind of stuff.

However, the doctor didn't seem bothered at all; he just smiled sweetly at the two girls in front of him and leaned forward slightly in his desk chair. "As a doctor, I get this question a lot – and I mean a lot," he chuckled to himself. "But yes, it is safe as long as you are careful. For example, keep the room warm, make sure you have your meds next to the bed and try not to do too much," He started to blush and he waved his hand around in a circular motion as he tried to find the right words, when he had said he'd been asked this question a lot, he meant it but he had never been asked this from a same sex couple and he felt slightly worried about offending someone. "You should maybe try and be on the bottom most of the time… wow, never had to say that to two women." He whispered that last part quietly to himself and tried to hide his embarrassment.

Santana looked up to Brittany with a raised eyebrow; Brittany looked back with a smug look in her eyes. Santana knew exactly what the blonde was thinking; she knew exactly what the blonde wanted to do to her. _"Fuck yeah…"_ Brittany mouthed causing Santana to nip her thigh. "Ow!" She squeaked and shuffled away slightly.

Dr Richardson chuckled warmly at the girls' interaction on front of him. "Is there anything else?" He asked sweetly and clasped his hands together on top of the desk. Both girls shook their heads in sync and walked over to the door when the doctor told them it was okay for them to leave. Santana turned back and rasped a quick thank you before letting the blonde lead her off down the hallway.

It wasn't until they were behind the closed doors of Santana's car that the Latina finally let herself break. She clutched the steering wheel tightly in both hands and let her forehead fall forward as sobs began to rack her body. Tears dripped down onto the back of her hands, she sucked in her bottom lip and held it there as she tried to keep it from quivering.

Brittany didn't know what to do at first. She just sat there and stared at the girl breaking down in front of her. She hadn't expected Santana to act like this. She knew that coming to the hospital was tough for her but she hadn't realised just how tough. When the blonde finally pulled herself together and reached a hand out to comfort the Latina, Santana flinched away and shook her head in protest. "I just… I just need a minute."

However, Brittany ignored Santana protests and pulled the Latina over the centre console and into her lap. She knew how Santana could get defensive when she was upset or feel broken like she did now. She knew Santana so well that she knew all the Latina needed was someone to hold her and that's what Brittany did. She held Santana close to her body ran her fingers through her hair and planted kisses along Santana's jaw line.

Santana gripped at the front of Brittany's sweater and sobbed ridiculously loud into her chest. "I'm never… going to get… a new heart…" She stuttered and slurred out between sobs. Brittany was quick to shush her and planted a soft kiss against her lips.

"You can't think like that." The blonde wiped away a falling tear on her own cheek. Her grip tightened as she tried to hold back her own sobs.

"I'm going to die aren't I?" Santana asked to no one in particular like she was finally realising the reality of her situation.

"No," Brittany shook her head furiously. "No you're not. You can't leave me, Santana. I love you. I won't let anything happen to you. You… you… I will give you my heart." She blurted out in between body shaking sobs. Both girls were near hysteria now and clung to each-others bodies for dear life. Santana couldn't answer the blonde. She just let the girl hold her in her arms because right now she didn't want to be anywhere else. She wanted to forget about everything that was going on in her life and just focus on the love of her life. She wanted to ignore the fact that she was dying, and try and push what Brittany had said to the back of her mind.

She was breaking the blonde's heart already…

"I'm sorry, Britt."


	17. Chapter 17

Hey guys! here's the next chapter I hope you all like it :) just wanted to say a big thank you for everyone who has reviewed, followed and favourited this story. I love you all.

Perhaps Glee, thank you for all of your help! x

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Chapter 17

"_I'm sorry, Britt."_

Santana's body had slowly begun to stop shuddering in Brittany's arms, her face was buried deep into the blonde's neck and her hands were still clutching her top in fists. She was pretty sure that the blonde's shoulder would be dripping in salty tears but she felt so broken she didn't even feel bad.

Brittany made sure that her voice wouldn't be shaky when she replied to the Latina's words. She made sure her tears had stopped falling and that she could actually think about what to say. "Sorry for what?" She whispered quietly. When Santana didn't reply straight away she pulled away slightly and looked down at the girl in her arms. "San?" There were rivers of mascara cutting through the makeup on her cheeks that left faint light lines of her natural skin colour, her eyes were red and puffy and her bottom lip was quivering.

"_I'm sorry that I'm making you hurt so much, that you're promising me your heart when I can't give you that in return. I'm sorry that I'm going to end up shattering your heart into a million tiny pieces. I'm sorry that I can't do this anymore… I'm sorry." _

"I'm sorry… that you had to see me like this." She couldn't look into Brittany's eyes. She felt the sickening ache in her gut from her thoughts, she couldn't tell Brittany how she really felt. She didn't even know why, she just knew she couldn't for both of their sakes. "I'm sorry." She whispered again but this time she was apologising for her thoughts and not what Brittany thought she was.

Brittany shook her head dumfounded. "San," but the brunette didn't lift her head. "Santana, look at me." the blonde used her finger to slowly lift Santana head so she could make eyes contact. "You have nothing to be sorry for, I love you so much. Okay? Nothing will change that because I am always going to be here for you when you need to cry or just blow off some steam."

Santana resisted the urge to mutter a quiet "_Wanky" _and instead lifted up slightly to plant a soft meaningful kiss on the blonde's lips that said everything from "thank you" to "I love you" before carefully climbing back over to her seat and started up the car. Brittany placed her hand softly onto the Latina's thigh to calm the girl as they made their way home.

"You really don't have to eat this you know?" Santana muttered as she spooned at the substance that was labelled "chocolate ice cream" with disgust. "I know it's vile." Santana's nose scrunched up as she swallowed loudly.

Brittany just shrugged however, and carried on helping herself to the shared tub. "I know it doesn't taste very nice but when people are upset they eat ice cream to make them feel better."

Santana couldn't keep the smile off of her face. "Even though this isn't real ice cream?" she giggled quietly and let the blonde pull her body closer to her.

"Well it's healthier than the real thing." Brittany nudged the Latina's ear with the tip of her nose before kissing down Santana's neck sweetly. Santana hummed in response and tangles her fingers into blonde locks.

"You could eat the real thing, there's a mint choc chip in the freezer." Santana mumbled half-heartedly too caught up in the burning feelings that were sparking inside of her.

"I don't want to. If you have to eat the crappy foods then so will I." Santana grinned sheepishly at Brittany's words. She sighed a quiet _Brittany _and swiftly spun round to straddle the blonde's waist. Brittany's eyes were filled with what Santana could only describe as a mixture of love, lust and adoration.

Just as Santana was about to lean down and plant a loving kiss against Brittany perfect lips, there was a loud and irritating knock at the door. Both girls craned their necks to look over the back of the sofa and towards the door. "If we stay really quiet they'll go away." She giggled as she finally pressed her lips to Brittany's and let out a soft moan.

Brittany felt the Latina's moan vibrate against her lips and bucked her hips into Santana's core. Santana's head instingtively lolled back and the blonde latched her lips on to the exposed skin of Santana's neck. Santana's hips began to buck over and over of their own accord but halted when the knocking on the other side of the door pulled them from their movements once more.

"Fuck sake." Santana cursed as she reluctantly pulled away from the blonde's kisses and marched over to the door. "I swear if this is you Quinn, I'm going to kick your-" Santana swung the door open but the sight she was met with caused her words to jam in her throat. She trailed her eyes up the man's body, taking in his appearance of his scruffy and creased clothes, his dishevelled hair, the dark bagged eyes, unshaven beared and the small suit case that was placed next to him on the floor. "Papá." She managed to whisper out in a mixture of shock and confusion.

Brittany stood up and wandered over to her girlfriend and the mention of her father and placed her hand on the small of Santana's back almost protectively. She knew there was no need to be protective of the Latina around her father, he was a kind and caring man and loved his daughter dearly, but she still felt the urge to protect her.

"I'm so sorry, girls." Marco apologised with a wary look on his face. "I didn't know what else to do…" Before he could finish he collapsed down to the floor in to a fit of tears. He slumped against the hallway wall and pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes to hide his tears from his daughter.

He had tried so hard to keep himself composed on the train journey; he had sworn to himself that he would let Santana see the vulnerable side of him. He hadn't wanted to trouble her with his own problems. He hadn't wanted to come here and invade her personal space and privacy. And yet here he was, in a sobbing heap curled up outside of Santana's home, the one good person he had left in his slowly crumbling life.

Santana was cradling her father's head in her lap and was slowly and soothingly racking her fingers through his shaggy and disgruntled hair. She was complete shocked out of her mind. It's one thing to see a grown man cry, it seems so out of place against their tough exteriors. It's also hard to see a parent cry, they're the strong ones who are there for _you _when you're crying they're the ones who whisper soft _it's okay _or_ everything will be fine. _But to Santana seeing her father crying now was something so out of this world she had to look over to Brittany and send her a look that said _is this real? _When the blonde nodded _yes _with a look just as shocked as Santana's, the Latina leaned down and placed a soft kiss onto her father's forehead.

Never in a million years did she think she would ever see this man so broken. If someone had told her a week ago that her father would turn up at her home like this she probably would have laughed in their faces or called the nearest mental asylum to tell them a patient had escaped.

Brittany stood frozen in the doorway as she looked down at the scene in front of her, she'd had to slap herself a few times to make sure she wasn't dreaming or something. When her body began to get over the shock she picked up Marco's case and carried it into the living room.

When she returned the man in her girlfriends arm's had eventually stopped crying. However, his body still shook with the silent sobs that were racking his body. She crouched down beside the pair on the ground, "We should get him inside." She whispered softly into Santana ear. The brunette just nodded and hooked her arm around his back while Brittany did the same on the other side. They hoisted him with a grunt so that he was standing on unsteady legs.

The girls carefully set the man down onto the sofa, Brittany hurried off to make tea for everyone.

"Papá?" Santana whispered softly and placed her hand on her father's back. "What's wrong? Has something happened?" she could keep the worry from lacing her words.

Marco took in a deep and quivering breath; he clenched his eyes shut before croaking out a reply. "I'm sorry I came here, I had nowhere else to go…" Santana shook her head and reassured him that she didn't mind that he was here, she just wanted to know what was wrong and if he was okay. "I left your mother two weeks ago." she stuttered out, Santana had to strain her hearing to make out the words but she understood what he was saying. "I've been staying at a hotel but _she _cancelled my credit card so I had to leave when I couldn't afford to pay for another week. I barely had enough money for a one way plane ticket." There was a sudden pang of guilt that shot up Santana's spine. She hated her mother for the way she treated her father, this just added to the many reasons to despise her. "I had nowhere else to go." He repeated and finally made contact with his daughter's eye's.

A minute or so passes before Brittany came back out with three mugs of scalding hot tea. They drank in silence; it gave Marco a chance to sort out his breathing and wipe away the salty tears from his face. Brittany soothingly played around with a long strand of dark hair that had fallen from Santana ponytail while Santana dragged her finger up and down the blonde's bare thigh.

"You can stay with us for as long as you want." Brittany said into the deafening silence. Santana spun round and shot her a _what the fuck _kind of look. As much as she loved her father she had moved away for a reason, she wanted her own space and her own life. Having him back would be like living back in Lima.

"Brittany, we're barely getting by as it is. With you out of school and no job we're using more money." Santana sighed.

Marco quickly jumped in to stop any arguments from forming. "I just need to find a new place to live and I will be out of your hair before you know it. I still have my job at the hospital in California, but I've been working from home on some new heart transplant research…" He blushed slightly when he saw the smile on his daughters face and her arms enveloped him into a tight hug. "I'll sleep on the sofa…" he choked out as Santana's arms carried on crushing him.

"Don't be silly." Santana laughed. "You can have my room, I'll share with Britt-Britt." She patted her girlfriend's thigh as Brittany's arms circled around her waist and pulled her into a hug. Marco arched an eyebrow at his daughter, last time he was here she was screaming the place down adamant that nothing would ever happen between her and Brittany but clearly things had changed and Marco shot his daughter a knowing grin.

"Thank you, both of you." He pulled both of the girls into a warm hug causing them both to giggle; he kissed both of their heads before pulling away. However, just because Santana was smiling and laughing didn't mean she wasn't seething inside. To say she was furious with her mother would have been an understatement.

After Santana had moved her father's things into her room and Brittany and Marco had started to make the dinner, Santana quickly excused herself and ran off to the roof for some privacy.

Her breath came out in white clouds in front of her face and every time she breathed in it felt like her throat was icing over. She leaned against the wall a couple of feet away from the door that led back inside, she looked down at the streets of New York, people were still hurrying along the sidewalks and waving their hands out in front of cabs. She tilted her head back and released a long and tired sigh. She stared up at the night sky, there seemed to be less in the city then back in Lima. Her mind wandered back to when she was younger and Brittany, Quinn and her would go up to the old water tower just outside of the town and they would just lie in the grass and stare up at the stars for hours on end. She missed those days so much and it pained her to know that she would probably never get a chance to see the stars just like that again.

She sighed deeply again and pulled out her phone from her pocket. She unlocked it and brought up a number she never called. Her jaw clenched when her mother's face appeared and she pressed the green call button. It rang twice before the woman's raspy voice – almost identical to Santana's - sounded through the speaker. "_Santana?_"

Santana opened her mouth to reply, she wanted to scream and shout about how angry she was for the way she had treated her father. She wanted to tell her how much she hated her and how pathetic she was but nothing came out. The sound of her mother's voice only fuelled her anger. Her hands shook as she gripped the phone tighter and brought it to her chest so that the woman on the other end couldn't hear how hard she was breathing.

"_Santana, are you there?"_ When Maribel didn't receive a reply she ended the call. Santana shoved the phone back into her pocket with a grunt and kicked the wall with her heel. She clenched her eyes shut tightly and let her head drop, her shoulders deflated and she slumped her body against the wall. She hadn't realised she had started to cry until she felt a familiar pair of hands wipe at her cheeks. She stepped closer into the warm embrace of Brittany's arms and let the tears silently fall.

"Why is everything so messed up, Brittany?" she sobbed into Brittany's chest, the blonde's presence was already causing her fuming anger to dissipate. She breathed in the sweet smell of Brittany's strawberry scented shampoo and sighed contently.

"I don't know, baby. But I promise you everything will get better." Brittany hadn't noticed her slip up. Santana's body shuddered at the name however, and she pulled away to look up into the ocean blue orbs with a beaming smile. "What?" Brittany giggled shyly.

Santana shook her head softly. "I love you so much. You know that?" Before Brittany had a chance to answer Santana's lips were pressed firmly against hers. "So… Much…." She mumbled against her lips. Shudders and tingles burned through both girls' bodies at the contact.

Brittany pulled away but kept a hold on Santana's waist as she pulled her towards the middle of the roof, when Santana looked up at her in confusion the blonde just shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't get a chance to dance with you on New Year's Eve." She began to softly sway their bodies to a silent beat. "Sing, you've got a beautiful voice."

Santana reached up and pecked the blonde's lips before hesitating a moment to think of the perfect song and began to sing almost shyly.

_Lyin' here with you so close to me_

_It's hard to fight these feelings _

_When it feels so hard to breathe_

_Caught up in this moment_

_Caught up in your smile_

Brittany shivered at the Latina's perfect voice. Her grip tightened around her waist as they began to sway in perfect timing with the song.

_I've never opened up to anyone_

_So hard to hold back _

_When I'm holding you in my arms_

_We don't need to rush this_

_Let's just take this slow_

Santana placed her forehead against the taller girl and stared deep into her eyes, she could feel herself beginning to get lost in her gaze and she didn't want to ever find her way back to reality.

_Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight_

_Just a touch in the fire burning so bright_

_And I don't want to mess this thing up_

_I don't want to push too far_

Brittany picked her girlfriend up into her arms and spun around in circles as they danced their way around the edge of the roof top, the stars sparkled up above them and the city life bustled beneath them. They were in the perfect limbo, their own world where nothing mattered. Nothing could break them apart when they were so in love and caught up in each other's eyes

_Just a shot in the dark that you just might_

_Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life_

_So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight_

Brittany placed a soft at tender kiss to the top of Santana's head. Each word the Latina sang caused Brittany's heart to well and beat ten times faster.

_I know that if we give this a little time_

_It will only bring us closer to the love we wanna find_

_It's never felt so real; no it's never felt so right_

They spun once more but this time Brittany held the Latina high up causing a squeak to echo through the freezing night air.

Santana belted out the rest of the song at the top of her lungs; she filled every word with every piece of emotion she wielded and every ounce of love she felt for the blonde. "I will never leave you, Brittany." Santana stated firmly. She would fight through her fucked up life to be with the woman she loved. She would marry her, have kids with her and she would die knowing that she lived a long and happy life with Brittany.

In that moment, Brittany believed every word that left the Latina's lips. The believed the promises she was making and believed that Santana would keep it.

Brittany hooked her fingers through Santana belt loops on her jeans and pulled her closer so that their fronts were pressed closely together. The corners of Brittany's lips curled up in to a coy smile as she arched a neatly shaped eyebrow. "Kiss me."

Brittany's warm breath caressed the Latina's lips causing Santana's eyes to roll back into her head. She reached up and placed a hand on the back of Brittany's neck and softly stroked her thumb against the fine hairs. She leaned up on her tip toes and the two locked in a soft kiss, their lips sticky, opening and closing against each other, tongues peeking out of their mouths and swiping at each other.

Santana moaned and bucked her hips roughly against Brittany's thigh as her clit began to throb between her thighs. Brittany dragged her finger nails down the back of Santana's back slowly and slid the tips of fingers past the waistband of her jeans, the Latina's lacy underwear rubbed against her fingers.

Santana's head lolled back as a loud whimper parted her lips. Her hips bucked wildly against Brittany's thigh, she needed to relieve some of the tension between her legs and she needed it now.

Brittany slid her fingers out of the smaller girl's jeans and placed them on top of her thighs. "We have to go back in side; your father has made us dinner and it's freezing out here." She moaned against Santana's perfect, full lips. Santana only deepened the kiss in response; she lifted her leg and hooked it around the blonde's waist, signalling for her to pick her up. Brittany obliged without a second of hesitation and carefully carried the smaller girl over to the aluminium ventilation shaft that protruded out of the roof top just behind where the door back into the building stood. Santana hissed as the cold metal came into contact with the backs of her thighs. She arched up against Brittany, her movements were getting desperate now and she tangled her fingers into blonde locks as Brittany kissed her way down Santana's neck and began to nip and suck on her collar bone.

"Ugh, Brittany…" Santana grunted as the taller girl began to leave her mark all over Santana's caramel skin. Brittany's fingers began to fumble with the button on Santana's jeans. It finally gave way after three more tries causing the blonde to grin widely against Santana chest.

The brunette lifted her hips to allow Brittany to slide her jeans and underwear down past her thighs. She flinched as the freezing metal pressed against scorching skin and her nails dug into Brittany's forearm. "I want to taste you, Santana." Brittany's sultry tone sent another wave of pleasure coursing down Santana's spine as she nodded frantically at the blonde's words.

"Fuck, Brittany. Please. Fuck me with your tongue." Santana was panting by now, the arousal had built up to an almost painful ache and she felt like she would die if she didn't get some sort of release soon. Her chest was heaving and her heat was racing, everything seemed to be spinning around her. She clenched her eyes in attempt to lessen the dizziness.

However, when she opened them back up she had to clamp her teeth down hard onto her bottom lip to hold in a whimper or a squeak or whatever noise was threatening to break free. Her eyes widened as she looked down at Brittany already situated in between her legs staring up at her with a soft and caring smile. "Is this okay?" she asked with concern.

Santana couldn't answer however; she just nodded her head rapidly and slowly wound her fingers through Brittany's hair.

Brittany could feel a moan slowly climbing up her throat as she inhaled the overwhelming aroma of Santana's arousal. She quickly pressed her lips to the inside of her thigh to stop the moan from escaping and began to softly kiss her way up but quickly switched to the opposite thigh only inches from the Latina's centre.

Each kiss that was pressed against Santana's skin felt like the most amazing burn. It sent shivers up her spine and caused the throbbing to quickly turn into an aching pound. Brittany parted her lips and let her tongue trail up the inside of the brunette's thigh and towards the place she needed it more than anything. Without stopping to hesitate, Brittany pressed a soft kiss directly on top of Santana's clit.

The grip she had on Brittany's hair tightened as she pulled her closer. She moaned loudly and bucked her hips to grind against the blonde's face. Brittany parted her lips and quickly ran her tongue up Santana's slit and swirled tight circles around her clit.

"Brittany!" Santana nearly screamed at the blonde in between her thighs. The feelings she was experiencing were almost too overwhelming to cope with. She was already so close to coming, embarrassingly close in fact.

Brittany closed her lips around Santana's clit and sucked it into her mouth, Santana's hips road up and pressed even harder into Brittany's mouth. She swore that Santana was now her favourite taste in the entire world. Nothing would beat it.

She knew in that moment that she was hooked. She was addicted to this girl and everything about her.

Brittany released her clit and began to circle her entrance. "Please." Santana panted desperately. "I need you inside of me, Britt…" The blonde didn't need to be told twice, she wanted even more of Santana's wetness in her mouth, and she wanted to taste all of it. She slowly entered Santana with her tongue, her inside's immediately tightened around her and a loud moan escaped the Latina's mouth and echoed around the open space.

She thrust her tongue in faster and faster, both of Santana's hands came to clamp down on the back of Brittany's head to keep her in place as her whole body began to tense up. "I'm… going… Britt!" she didn't have a chance to finish her sentence before she was slowly toppling over the edge. Stars erupted in front of her eyes and her vision went blank. Brittany's hands came up to wrap around Santana's waist to keep her steady. She kissed her was back down Santana's thigh and carefully pulled her underwear and jeans back up her legs.

She stayed crouched between Santana's legs for a moment but swiftly stood up when the Latina began to sway from side to side and almost toppled over. Her breathing wasn't evening out. In fact it looked like it was getting quicker. "Shit, Santana. Are you okay?" she placed an arm around Santana's back and then looped one under her legs.

Santana couldn't answer, everything was spinning again. She felt nauseous and the familiar pain in her chest was pounding hard against her rib cage. She shook her head once _no _before letting the blonde pick her up into her arms. Santana's head collapsed down to Brittany's chest, her eyes began to droop lazily. "Come on, San. Stay awake for me, baby." Brittany encouraged as a rush of adrenalin raced through her body, she raced down the stairs and back to her apartment. "Marco!" She practically screamed as she burst in through the front door.

Marco spun round from the breakfast bar where he was setting out plates of what looked like some sort of chilli. His eyes widened when he saw his daughter in Brittany's arms on the edge of consciousness. The blonde placed Santana down on the sofa with shaking hands. "What happened?" he shouted as he ran over to the couple.

"We were… err…" she didn't know if she should tell him what they were doing, this was Santana's father for crying out loud. But as if he already knew, he waved his hand out for Brittany to hurry up and explain. "She went all dizzy and then she sort of collapsed. I didn't know what to do." Brittany sobbed out between panicked breathes.

"It's okay, it's okay." he tried desperately to calm the blonde. "Just keep calm, this is what I want you to do, go and fetch her meds and a blanket, then fill up a hot water bottle." She nodded frantically before jumping up and made off towards her bedroom.

Marco placed his fingers on his daughters brused pulse point to try and find a beat. When he did he sighed in relief but it was way too high to be safe. "Santana?" he lifted her eyelids open and waited to see if they would move. "Can you hear me?" her eyes twitched and her head moved in a lazy nodding motion.

Brittany came racing back through with her duck blanket and a strip of pills in her arms. She handed Marco the pills and he popped two out, "Santana, I'm going to sit you up. Do you think you will be able to take these pills?" he asked with a clear voice, there was no sign of panic what so ever in the man's voice. Santana nodded weakly. Her father picked up a glass of water he had left on the coffee table and helped her to swallow the pills. She coughed and spluttered but eventually swallowed them safely. She was still swaying but not as much as she had been up on the roof.

"We need to keep her warm, Brittany can you get under the blanket with her while I go and pour the water into this?" he asked holding up the hot water bottle Brittany had retrieved at some point.

She nodded and climbed under the blanket with Santana; she pulled the Latina closer to her chest and wrapped her limbs around the smaller girl. "Should we not take her to the hospital?" Brittany called through to the man in the kitchen. She carefully nuzzled her face into the crook of Santana's neck and kissed her freezing skin. "You're going to be okay, baby. I won't let anything bad happen to you."

"No, I think she will be okay if we just keep her warm and her heart beat down as much as we can. If worse comes to worse then I may have to perform CPR and then you can call for an ambulance, but she should be fine." He explained as he handed Brittany the warm bottle in his hands and she held it against Santana's shivering body. Marco Sat on the edge of the sofa and lifted his daughters feet into his lap, he held them a little higher and wrapped them up in his hands. Brittany looked at him as if to ask him what he was doing. "If we keep her legs above her heart it won't have to work as hard to get the blood around her body." He replied.

"I'm sorry." Brittany whispered and ducked her head to avoid eye contact. It was Marco's turn to send Brittany the questioning look. Brittany bit down on her lip to hold back her sob. "I should have brought her in side, I didn't realise how cold it was…" she trailed off as Marco placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't think about that, she's going to be okay now. We're here to keep her safe." He said with a warm smile. Brittany tried to smile back but it ended up looking like more of a grimace than anything else. She knew he was right. But this wouldn't have happened if she had just taken Santana inside and away from the cold night air. She sighed sadly and buried her face into Santana's hair.

"I love you." She whispered for only the Latina to hear. She felt the smaller girl weakly squeeze her forearm in response and wriggled the best she could to get into a more comfortable position against Brittany's body.

Later that night when Marco and Santana were curled up on the sofa together fast asleep, Brittany sat by the breakfast bar and aimlessly picked at her now cold chilli. She drew hearts and smiley faces into her food and at one point she had both Santana's and her names wrote into it.

She sighed loudly as her mind wandered over the night's events. She shuddered at the thought of what happened up on the roof top a light tingle formed in between her thighs but she immediately slapped herself over her face at the memory. She had been so stupid to have done that with Santana outside when it was so cold. She hadn't thought about the consequences and look where it got her. Santana had passed out and it had seriously scared her father.

Her eyes watered at the pain on her face from the slap but more from the pain of the realisation she could have lost the loved of her life tonight.

"Stupid." Brittany snapped at herself. "You're so stupid, Brittany…" she paused and her eyes widened. "What the fuck am I doing? I'm talking to myself… still talking… stop…. Stop, Brittany." She groaned in frustration and slammed her face hard down onto the breakfast bar. "I need a job or something…"

Suddenly her head shot up. She pulled out her phone and pressed a number she hadn't called since high school. She waited as it rang once, twice, three times before she heard the deep voice.

"_Brittany? Hi, I haven't heard from you in a while. How's Santana_?" The deep voice rambled out. Brittany could imagine him smiling as he spoke.

"Hey, Mike. Santana's doing okay, we had a bit of a panic tonight but her father was here and he said she would be okay." she replied sweetly. Mike's voice caused her to smile and forget all of her worries from earlier. "I was just calling to ask if you maybe knew anyone in the city that had any links to a dance studio or something like that? I really need a job since I was kicked out of collage." she asked almost shyly.

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment while Mike thought about Brittany's question. Of course he knew people in LA where he was now living happily with Tina and one of Tina's friends from collage but he wasn't sure about anyone in New York. When a thought popped up into his head he didn't hesitate to answer the blonde. _"I think I might know someone, I'm not sure if she is still living in New York though but if she is she will definitely higher you._" He paused for a moment to let his words since into the blonde. "_How about I give her a call and if she is still working in the city I'll give her your number?"_

He pulled the phone away from his ear as Brittany's squeal caused the device to vibrate in his hand. "Thank you so much Mike!" she couldn't keep the excitement out of her voice even though she hadn't even been promised the job. Mike told her that it was his pleasure and that he hoped to hear from her soon before he hung up and left Brittany with a beaming smile.

"Who was that?" I quiet voice came from the doorway and sent butterflies racing in the blonde's stomach. She spun round in the stool to face a beautiful but tired looking Santana.

"How are you feeling?" she asked instead of answering Santana's question. The Latina just shrugged her shoulders though, and walked over to Brittany and wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck. She looked deep into the blonde's eyes, she hoped that Brittany could see how thankful she was for the way she helped and protected her tonight.

"Tired, will you take me to bed?" Santana asked with the most adorable pout the blonde had ever seen. She leaned down and kissed it away softly before pulling away.

"Of course I will." She lifted the smaller girl up into her arms and carried her out of the kitchen and towards her own room but stopped and turned as she remembered that was where Marco was sleeping. "Do you have anything to wear?" Brittany asked as she realised all of Santana's clothes were in her own room where her father was probably wanting to be left alone for a while. He'd had a pretty long day and was most likely exhausted from crying so much.

Santana shook her and looked down at the ground bashfully. "No… I didn't think I would need to be wearing anything." She gave the blonde a wink.

Brittany's breath hitched in her throat and the panic began to rise in her stomach, she didn't want another repeat of what happened tonight… Well, she did just not the bit at the end where she nearly killed her girlfriend. She flinched at the thought; Santana noticed the girl's expression and walked over to lace her fingers with Brittany's. "But I'm pretty tired. I just want you to hold me while I fall asleep." Brittany relaxed and pressed her lips to the skin on Santana's neck. She hooked her fingers under Santana's shirt and helped her undress.

"Do you want to wear this?" Brittany held up a dark blue tee shirt with a unicorn on the front. Santana smiled at how cute the blonde was and let her slide the top down her body. "Beautiful." She stated and pulled Santana in for a deep kiss.

The Latina blushed, "I love you, Brittany."

"I love you more."

"Impossible." Santana let Brittany wrap her arms around her waist and pulled up the sheets to cover their bodies.

"That's what you think." Santana chuckled at Brittany's reply. She closed her eyes and hummed at the feeling of the blonde's breath caressing her neck. She shivered; the thought of waking up in Brittany's arms always caused goose bumps to rise on her body. She loved it when they would wake up in the same position they fell asleep in. Brittany made her feel safe, unlike anyone else could, not even her own parents.

"Good night, my Britt-Britt."


	18. Chapter 18

Hey guys! i'm sorry i'm not updating as much things are really mad at school right now. i know this is short but i wanted to give you all an update. next one will definately be updated this week!

love you all.

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Chapter 18

Everyone has a dream that one day they could wake up with a sexy blonde kissing their neck with their arms wrapped tightly around their waist protectively and whispering words like "I love you," or "good morning beautiful." However, most of the time it was exactly what was stated, a dream. Most people would be lucky to be able to wake up with all of the above plus the love of their life all rolled up into one.

That was exactly how Santana woke up the next morning. Her smile was covering more than fifty per cent of her face and butterflies were swarming her stomach causing her to feel light headed. Brittany had her face nuzzled into the Latina's neck with her lips and tongue pressing against as much of the caramel skin as she could. She raked her fingers up the sides of Santana's silky smooth torso causing her skin to erupt into goose bumps with every touch. "God, Britt…" Santana moaned into her pillow to muffle the sounds of pleasure that were escaping her lips.

Brittany chuckled against the scorching hot skin of her neck and began to suck on Santana's pulse point. The Latina's hands clutched tightly at the pillows and her mouth clenched shut as she tried to supress the string of what was probably going to be a string of sexual moans and frantic curse words. Her body arched up off of the bed before coming back down to grind roughly against the matrass.

The pounding in between her legs had started long before she'd even had the chance to wake up, her dreams felt so real that it had taken her more than five minutes to realise that she'd woken up with Brittany already touching every inch of her body.

Brittany cocked her leg and straddled the smaller girl from behind and began to grind her own hips down into Santana. "Please, Brittany…" Santana bucked her hips harder into the blonde's core causing the girl to moan loudly into her ear. "Please." Santana moaned louder this time.

Brittany hesitated however, her thoughts wandered back to the night before and what had happened on the roof. Her heart sped up in her chest and not in the good way. She pulled away from Santana just as the Latina turned her head to make eye contact with Brittany, her dark orbs were met by panicked ocean blue and her heart immediately broke. She turned around so that she was lying on her back and lifted her hand to cup Brittany's cheek. "Baby, it's okay. I feel fine. Look, my pills are over there and my dad is in the other room, not that I will need any of those. Baby, I'm fine. I just need you." She lifted her body so that she could kiss the blonde's lips to reassure her that she was telling the truth.

Brittany relaxed into the kiss, wrapped her arms around Santana's waist and pulled her body closer to her own. "I want to wake up this way with you for the rest of my life." Brittany mumbled against full lips. Santana's mouth curled up into a cheesy grin.

"That, Miss. Peirce, I can promise you will happen." She affirmed without a shadow of a doubt. But really neither girl knew what would happen the next day never mind sixty years into the future. Never the less, Brittany deepened the kiss and straddled Santana's body once again. The blonde trailed a finger down the front of Santana's stomach, passed her navel and stopped just above the Latina lace underwear. "Stop teasing." Santana giggled and bucked her hips into Brittany's hand causing it to disappear into the underwear.

It was Brittany's turn to moan when her fingers came into contact with white hot heat mixed with the sweet wetness of Santana.

"Girl's, do you want some breakfast?" Marco's voice sounded from the kitchen.

"No thank you, papá." Santana called back with a shaky voice as she tried to hide the sound of pleasure from giving them both away.

Brittany slipped a long finger into Santana's entrance causing the Latina to squeak in surprise before she began to buck her hips erratically into the blonde's hand. Her head lolled back as she felt her stomach coil up as the pressure began to build inside of her.

"Santana, I'm making eggs. Do you want some?" Her father's voice came again from the kitchen. Santana's sighed exasperatedly and rolled her eyes.

"No thank you!" she shouted back this time not bothering to hide her pleasure. Brittany giggled before adding another finger and pumped her hand back and forth even fast. "Fuck." Santana gasped out. She could feel herself teetering on the edge already. Brittany clamped her teeth down onto Santana's pulse point and began to suck hard as she used her own hips to force her hand in harder.

"Santana, tell me now if you want some!" The irritating voice shouted through the apartment.

Santana didn't even bother to roll her eyes she just called back a simple no and let the amazing feelings the blonde was giving her swamp her mind as "Brittany" became the only word in her vocabulary. Her legs locked behind Brittany's back.

"Santana, do you-"

"Fuck off!" she screamed at her father just as her inside's clamped around Brittany's fingers and she fell from her high. Brittany slowly moved her finger's in and out allowing the Latina to fully ride out her orgasm. "Brittany…" she sighed as the blonde collapsed down on top of her body, she slowly racked her fingers through the beautiful blonde locks and Brittany kept her lips attached to Santana's neck.

"I love you, Santana." She whispered sweetly into her girlfriend's ear.

"I love… morning sex." Santana chuckled playfully as Brittany jabbed her in her sides.

Suddenly, the bedroom door flew open. Both girls craned their necks to face a frozen Marco whose eyes were wide with shock. His jaw opened and closed a few times as he tried to find his words but failed when all that left his mouth was a quiet squeak crossed with a gasp. "Can we help you?" Santana asked sarcastically and sent her father one of her death glares.

He shook his head frantically and whispered out a hurried "sorry" before spinning round and slamming the door shut. Usually, Santana would have found this extremely embarrassing but instead found it completely hilarious and burst out into a fit of laughter as tears rolled down her cheeks. Brittany was soon to follow as her own laughter caused her to collapse down on top of her girlfriend once again. "Poor Marco." Brittany giggled. Santana just rolled her eyes and planted a kiss against the blonde's lips.

"We should probably get ready. I have work in two hours." Santana sighed sadly as she pushed the bed covers off of her body and swung her legs over the side only to be stopped by a firm grip on her forearm.

"Wait, I want to show you something." Brittany smiled up at her girlfriend.

"Baby, I've seen _everything_ and have _everything_ memorised up here." She sniggered as she tapped her head and gave the blonde a flirtatious wink.

Brittany blushed but shook her head. "Not _that_." She kissed Santana as she leaned over her and pulled out a sheet of paper from her bed side table. "_This_."

Santana eyed the piece of paper curiously before realising that it was her bucket list. "What are you doing with that?" She cocked her head to the side and pouted her lips.

"You look like a little puppy…" Brittany mumbled and planted a soft kiss onto Santana lips to rid her of her pout. "And I brought it in here last night when I was sorting your father's things out." She opened it up and straightened it out onto her bare thigh so that there were no creases or wrinkles. "I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you, Santana. Look at all of the things you have crossed off."

**My bucket list:**

**- Climb a tree**

**- Learn how to skim a stone **

**- Spend Christmas with my best friends ****(x)**

**- Spend New Year's Even in New York ****(x)**

**- Have a snow ball fight in Central Park ****(x)**

**- Overcome my fears of flying on planes**

**- Read a book **

**- Go to the beach**

**- Bake a cake for Britt's birthday**

**- Wish on a shooting star**

**- Go skinny dipping**

**- Kiss in the rain**

**- Have a picnic under the stars**

**- Fall in love ****(x)**

**- Get married**

Santana looked down at the list with a frown; she really hadn't crossed that much off of it yet. "Can we go back to Lima some time when I'm off work? I'd really like to go back just once before… you know." She cringed at the thought. "Not that that will ever happen though." She laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of her neck. Everything on this list she wanted to complete with Brittany but the thought of not even being able to finish it at all made her stomach churn.

For once, Brittany could hear the uncertainty in the Latina's voice but agreed anyway. "I think that would be a great idea." She pulled Santana into a warm hug.

"We can cross some of these things off as well." she tapped the paper before folding it up and slipping it into her bra for safe keeping. Both girls sat in complete silence for a moment, Santana lay her head down on Brittany's shoulder while the blonde trailed light patterns on Santana's thigh. "I love you, Brittany."

There was something about the way Santana said those words that caused a pang of pain shoot through her body. There was something in her voice that made Brittany think that Santana was giving up and letting this beat her. She couldn't do that. She couldn't give up, not when she had her entire life ahead of her.

She took in a shaky breath and held back the flooding tears behind her eyes. "I love you too, Santana." She kissed Santana's temple and pulled her closer to her body. Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany's waist and clung tight as if she would fall into a black abyss and never return if she were to let go. Brittany kept a tight hold and silently promised she would never let go, no matter what.

Marco sat with his hands tightly clasped together on top of the breakfast bar as his legs bounced up and down nervously. He couldn't get the image of what he had just walked in on out of his mind. It hadn't looked like they were having sex but the two girls were in a pretty compromising position and one of those girls was his daughter.

He pinched the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb and let out a sigh. He placed his other finger into his tea and stared the now cool liquid impatiently as he waited for the two girls to return. He hadn't bothered with breakfast in the end; he had lost all of his appetite and had just thrown the eggs into the trash. He racked his fidgety fingers through his scruffy hair and sipped some tea; he grimaced as the liquid trickled down his throat.

The bedroom door clicked open and Santana and Brittany scurried out. Brittany pushed Santana in front of her awkwardly and tried not to make eye contact with Marco.

"Papá." She nodded her head in her father's direction as a greeting and walked over to the cupboard and stood up on her tip toes to attempt to reach up to grab a box of cereal but failed. She let an annoyed grunt and turned to face Brittany with a pout and fluttered her eye lashes. "Britt-Britt…" she whined.

Brittany couldn't resist pulling Santana in for a deep kiss. She was just too cute. "Shorty…" She giggled against Santana's lips and reached up without any effort what so ever and lifted the box down without breaking contact with the smaller girl.

"Thank you baby." Santana skipped over to the breakfast bar and sat down opposite her father while Brittany just climbed up onto the counter and crossed her legs. She began to pick at a bunch of grapes; she threw one in the air and caught it in her mouth without even trying.

"Girls, I just wanted to apologise for before." Marco finally managed to say after watching both girls get comfortable. Brittany blushed slightly but Santana just shook her head.

"It's fine. Just knock next time. You're lucky you didn't walk in earlier then you did." Santana replied with a smirk.

Brittany suddenly choked on a grape that had just landed in her mouth, causing it to fly across the kitchen and hit Santana on her back. "Santana!" she spluttered out in shock. The Latina just turned and shrugged her shoulders and gave the blonde and innocent look. Brittany didn't fall for it however, and glared at her girlfriend. Just as she was about to say something, her phone chimed through the kitchen pulling its occupants from their conversation.

Brittany jumped down from her perch with a frown on her face. She had no idea who could be calling at this time of morning. She hurried over to where her phone was on charge and picked it up in her hand, her brown dipped even further when she say the unknown number flashing on her screen.

"Hello?" she answered cautiously.

"_Hi. Is this Brittany pierce?" _a woman's voice she didn't recognise sounded through the speaker. She nodded her head _yes _but then realised they couldn't see her.

"Yes. Who's this?"

"_I'm Kristin Ryan. I'm a friend of Mike's." _Brittany's eyes widened in shock as realisation hit her. She turned to face Santana with a beaming smile; the Latina just tilted her head to the side in confusion. "_I got a call from him last night and he asked me to talk to you about a job." _

"Oh my god…" Brittany whispered in shock. The voice on the other end of the phone just chuckled.

"_I own a dance studio in the city and I'm looking for a new teacher. I guess the jobs yours if I think you're a good enough dancer-" _Before Kristin could finish Brittany was jumping around the kitchen and screaming at the top of her lungs. "_Come down to the studio for two and you can show me what you've got." _

"I'll be there. Thank you so much!" Brittany replied once her screams had finally subsided. Kristen said her goodbyes and ended the call.

Brittany took in a deep shaky breath and straightened out her smile. She placed her phone down gently before strutting back over to sit on her spot on the counter. The grapes were thrown in the air again and each one she caught with ease.

Santana and her father looked on at the scene with perplexed expressions. "What the hell was that?" Santana blurted out when the silence finally got too much for her to cope with.

Brittany looked down at the Latina and shrugged her shoulders. She turned back to throw a grape up in the air. "I need a shower." She jumped down and skipped out of the door, the beaming smile had returned when she heard two sets of footsteps follow her to the bathroom door.

"Brittany Peirce! Turn round and look at me." Santana demanded with fake anger.

"Yes baby?" Brittany asked sweetly. Santana just sent her a glare and cocked her eyebrow. "I got a job." She said nonchalantly and turned back to the bathroom. A scream erupted from the girl behind her and before she knew it she was thrown against the wall by Santana's body being thrown against her own. The screams quickly turned into full on laughter as Brittany turned and spun Santana in her arms. Their lips were pressed together and Brittany smirked into the kiss.

She clung to Santana's body tight as happiness charged through her body. She'd never been so happy in her entire life. She had the woman she loved and a soon to be job she loved. "I'm so proud of you, Brittany." Santana kissed her way up Brittany's neck.

"Me too." Marco's voice came from behind them causing them to break out of their trance. "What kind of job is it?" he asked curiously.

"I'll be working at a dance studio. I called Mike last night and asked him if he knew anyone." She beamed at the two people in front of her. "I really do need a shower though, I have to go down at two and dance for the woman who owns the place." She kissed Santana's temple before spinning on her heals and disappearing into the bathroom.

She was so excited. This was her first job and it would actually be something she loved. She wouldn't have to rely on Santana bringing in the money anymore either. She could take her out for meals and pay for it herself. Her smile grew at the thought. Things couldn't get any better.

The bathroom door clicked open and Santana strutted in behind her with lust filled eyes. She pulled her top up over her head and pressed her body against Brittany's. She hooked her thumbs around the waist band of Santana's underwear and slid them down her orgasmic legs. Santana hooked her arms around the back of Brittany's neck as they climbed into the shower together.

The blonde smirked to herself.

_Now _things couldn't get any better.


	19. Chapter 19

Hey huys here's chapter 19 for you all! i got the day off school because i'm ill so i had time to finish this chapter off and upload it. i'm working on chapter 20 as i speak so that should be uploaded before Saturday.

i just wanted to thank you al for sticking with this story.

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Chapter 19

Brittany stood in the middle of the brightly lit dance studio. Her chest heaved with each breath she took and a drop of sweat travelled down the valley in between her breasts. She held her pose as the music came to a stop. She let her eyes slowly flicker open as clapping erupted in the room, it echoed off every wall as the corner of her lips curled up into a proud smile.

She looked up into the mirror to see a taller girl walking over to her with a smile on her face nearly as big as Brittany's. Her long, brown, curled hair hung loosely over her right should with a streak of electric blue shooting through it. She definitely had a dancer's body; Brittany wasn't surprised she was the owner of this place. "That was amazing, Brittany!" she cheered as she clapped Brittany hard on the back.

"Thanks, Kristin." Brittany said almost shyly as a light blush crept its way up her cheeks.

"You definitely have the job." She beamed at the shorter girl. "First shifts tomorrow at two." She said as she wandered off to the other side of the room to pick up Brittany things and hand them over to her. "Your first class is the under fifteens." Brittany nodded in understanding and skipped over to the door as Kristin followed close behind. "Hey, Brittany? Do you want to go get a drink?" she asked shyly.

Brittany turned to face the taller girl. She didn't see why not, Kristen seemed like a nice person she could see herself being friends with her so she shrugged with a smile and nodded, "Can I just go and change first?"

"I know this really cool bar." Kristin called after the blonde and Brittany gave her a thumbs up in confirmation.

Santana let out a puff of air to move her bangs out of the way as she helped clean up the bar tops with Blaine. The bar was getting even busier by the second and all the staff had been called in early. Blaine passed some pints down towards Santana and pointed over to a table in the far corner backed with a group of man cheering over the football on a TV on the wall close to them. She was reluctant at first, they looked pretty drunk and they were all at least three times the size of her. But she gave herself a shake and carefully carried the drinks over to the men; she dodged in and out of drunken customers but finally reached the table.

Sometimes she really hated this job. She hated how the bar would stink of B.O in less than an hour and how every drunken man would find any excuse to grind up against her. Today was no different.

"Here you go." She leaned over a man's shoulder and placed the drinks on the table. The men went silent and stared at her wide eyed, their eyes drifted over to her cleavage with their mouths gaping. Santana rolled her eyes and began to walk off but stopped when a rough hand grabbed her wrist and pulled her backwards. She landing with a grunt into a bulky man's lap, his arms twisted round her waist and held her still. "Get off of me." she pushed firmly at his arms until he let go but he kept a firm hold on her arm.

"Come on… have a little fun." He husked closely to her face and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Santana resisted the urge to gag or throw up in the man's face as the stench of alcohol wafted up her nose. She tried to pull out of his grip once more but his hold only tightened, his other hand slipped down her waist and held her hip. She carried in struggling wildly but it was no use he was too strong.

Santana's heart began to pound in her chest as the anger built up in her stomach. "Let. Go. Of. Me. _Now_." She snarled viciously into his face. All she could hear was the pounding of her heart in her eyes but as she looked over to the other men she could see them laughing.

They were laughing at her.

The humongous man leaned down and puckered his lips ready to kiss her. Santana let out a scream and pulled away just as someone lunged forward and crashed their fist into his face. The man was thrown against the table as drinks clattered to the floor; he looked around in shock to see who had punched him.

Santana spun round in the direction of her saviour only to catch a flurry of wild blonde hair lunging back on top of the man. Punch after punch Brittany pounded her fists into the man's face. "Keep your hands off of my _girlfriend_." She growled.

Santana was frozen in her spot. Where the hell had Brittany come from? She came out of nowhere! Santana shook her head and threw herself forward. She wrapped her arms around Brittany's waist and pulled her off of the man. They stumbled back into another table but quickly found their balance. Santana clung to Brittany's body tight holding her back off the man but also trying to find comfort in the blonde's presence.

Mark, Blaine and a couple of the other staff raced over to see what was going on. Mark took one look at Santana's terrified expression, Brittany's furious gaze and then to the man nearly passed out on the table shouting something towards the blonde and rushed over to him, hauled him to his feet and roughly carried him out of the bar and told him he would call the police if he ever came back.

Brittany was pulled out of her raging trance when she felt Santana's shaking body against her own. She leaned down and cupped both of Santana's cheeks in her palms so that the Latina would look into her eyes. "You're okay, baby. He's gone." Santana pulled Brittany closer to her and began to sob wildly into her chest.

Brittany racked her fingers through Santana's hair as they walked back over to the bar where Blaine, Quinn and Kristin were standing talking. The Latina sat down on a stool and downed a shot the Blaine had handed her. "I'm so sorry, Santana. I should have taken the drinks."

Santana held up her hand to silence him. "It's not your fault. You were really busy." She wiped at her cheeks to dry her tears and let Brittany wrap her arm around her waist protectively.

"You shouldn't be drinking." Brittany pouted.

"It's just one, baby. I promise I'll never have another drink every again." she kissed away the pout on the blonde's lips and moved closer to her body.

"You've got a good punch on you there, Brittany. Is there anything you're not good at?" a new voice butted into their convocation.

Santana's eyes flickered to the extra person standing with the group; she didn't recognise the woman at all but felt slightly intimidated by her height. She arched a neatly shaped eye brow at the woman before Brittany introduced them.

"Oh, Santana. This is Kristin my new boss. Kristin, this is my girlfriend, Santana." Santana smiled bitter sweet at the woman and extended her hand out for her to shake.

"Girlfriend?" Kristin asked cautiously but accepted the girl's hand. "Nice to meet you. Brittany didn't tell me she had a girlfriend." She said almost flustered.

"Sorry, that won't be a problem will it? I mean I know how beautiful and talented she is, it's easy for people to fall for her." Santana questioned Kristen sarcastically. Her jealous side was getting the better of her. She didn't know where it came from but the fact that Brittany would be working with this woman made her insides squirm.

Kristen quickly diverted her eyes away from the glaring Latina as a deep blush burned up her neck. "Santana." Brittany scolded.

"What? I'm just saying that already taken so she shouldn't get her hopes up. You're mine." Santana stated firmly as she pressed her lips against Brittany's neck. Quinn smirked from behind the bar at how defensive of Brittany, Santana was getting. She loved seeing this side of the girl; it amused her how quickly Santana's personality could change.

"I don't think that will be a problem…" Kristen paused a second as she tried to remember the Latina's name.

"Santana." Quinn said with an amused grin.

"Yes, Santana. Sorry…" she apologised to the smaller girl sitting next to Brittany. "Nothing will happen with me and Brittany. Strictly work friends." She sent a soft smile to the blonde but Santana could see right through her. She saw the way her eyes lit up when she looked at Brittany, and the way the corner of her lips twitched up into a coy smile. She knew exactly what the taller girl was thinking because her own eyes lit up that way and her mouth twitched into her very own coy smile whenever she heard or spoke the blonde. She couldn't help the bubbled of jealous rising up through her body.

Santana's hand clutched tighter onto the blonde's. "Are you okay?" Brittany asked the smaller girl.

Santana nodded. "Yes, that alcohol is hitting me hard though." It wasn't a lie, she could feel the room going blurry and a buzz had formed in her head.

"Do you want to go home?" Brittany asked as panic rose up within her. Santana shook her head as she stood up and walked around the bar.

"I need to finish my shift. What can I get you?" she winked at her girlfriend and handed her a beer. "Can I get you anything, Kristin?"

"White wine please." She said shyly. There was something about this woman that intimidated the crap out of her. She wanted to ask Brittany what she saw in a woman who could be so mean and yet sound so sweet at the same time. She quickly down her glass and ordered another one. She didn't want to be getting jealous right now. Her eyes flickered over to Brittany who was smiling and laughing with Quinn. She smiled at how cute the taller blonde looked.

Santana's glare burned through the side of Kirstin's head as she watched her stair at Brittany. That had to stop _now_. She opened her mouth to say something but stopped when a sharp pain – stronger than the usual pain she often felt - shot up her left side. She flinched and let out a grunt; she stumbled back and knocked into Blaine who was carrying a tray of shots. They clattered loudly to the ground.

"Shit! I'm so sorry. I must have slipped on something." She lied as she crouched down and began to help him tidy up the broken glass.

"It's fine, Santana. I've got this." He reassured the girl. She had had a crazy night it was probably okay for her to go home now. Santana nodded at his words and stood back up straight. "Your shift is over in a couple of minutes. We're not as busy anymore, you can go home. I'll cover for you if Mark asks." He patted her shoulder with a soft smile as she nodded.

She went through to the back and pulled on her coat. She looked at herself in the mirror. "God… I'm a mess." And that she was. Her face was chalky pale and her eyes were still bloodshot with crying. There were bags under her eyes, and her hair looked dull, it lacked it usual shine.

Even though the pain had gone, she popped a pill and took it just to be on the safe side. She took in a deep breath and walked back out into the bar. Brittany stood up to follow her but Santana held up a hand to stop her. "No, stay. Have some fun." She smiled and reached up to give her a kiss. Brittany's tongue slipped out and Santana granted her access. The Latina smiled against Brittany's lips before pulling away.

"Are you sure?" Brittany asked. She didn't want the Latina walking home alone.

"Yes. Don't worry, I'll be waiting for you when you get home." She winked at the blonde.

"I'll drive you, S!" Quinn shouted from behind the bar. She had seen what had happened before when she had knocked into Blaine. She saw the pain in her face and knew something was wrong. "Wait up!" she shouted as she ran after Santana.

Quinn sat humming and tapping along irritably to the songs on the radio while Santana sat with her forehead against the glass of the window. The bright city lights flashed by but after a while everything blurred into one as her thoughts swamped every conscious part of her body.

She didn't want to be the jealous girlfriend. She shouldn't have to be, she knew Brittany would never cheat on her but she couldn't say the same for Kristin. She didn't even know the woman but Santana did know that she wanted her girl and that made her blood boil.

But maybe it was a good thing that Kristin like Brittany. Santana wouldn't be around forever and sooner or later Brittany was going to have to move on, was this woman good enough for her?

Santana felt a pang of pain in her chest, whether it was from the thought of Brittany being with someone else or the same pain she had felt earlier in the bar she didn't know. She clenched her eyes shut and pressed her hands against her face. Why was she thinking like this? She still had at least seven months left with the blonde. She could think about this stuff later.

"Stop thinking, you're making my teeth hurt." Quinn's voice pulled Santana from her trance. Quinn eyes didn't leave the road but all of her attention was on the Latina next to her.

"Is it good that Kristin likes Britt?" Santana let her main thought flow out. She didn't want to keep this from Quinn and she needed someone else's thoughts on the situation.

Quinn looked at Santana in poor bewilderment. "What?" Santana just shrugged her shoulders like it didn't matter anymore. Maybe she was just been stupid and the shot she had taken was getting to her head. "San… you shouldn't be thinking about stuff like that. You and Brittany have plenty of time-" she cut herself off as a sob climbed its way up her throat but managed to cut it off. "Brittany will move on when she is ready to, not when the first person who likes her comes along." Quinn reached over and placed her hand firmly on Santana's thigh. "But none of that is going to happen, 'coz you're going to get through this, San. I know you. You're strong and brave and you're going to be fine." She looked out of her window as a tear escaped her eye. She hated feeling like this. She loved Santana so much; she couldn't bear to think about the possibility of the Latina not being around.

"I hope to god you're right, Quinn. No way is the Kristin girl good enough for my Britt-Britt." She said firmly as she tried to hide her own tears. Quinn let out a quiet chucked as she pulled up in front of Santana's building. "Thanks, Q."

Quinn reached out and pulled Santana back just before she could climb out of the door. "Wait. I need to talk to you. Can I come in?"

Santana gave her a curious look but nodded none the less. "My father's here, is that okay?" Before she got an answer Quinn was already out of the car and holding the door to her building open for her to follow.

Santana walked over to the sofa with two glasses of water in her hands. She placed them down on the coffee table before collapsing down onto the sofa and switching the TV on. "I thought you said Marco would be here?" Quinn asked as she took a sip of her water. She pulled her feet up underneath her and turned to face Santana.

"He must be sleeping or in the shower." She shrugged; she kept her eyes glued to the TV. She knew what Quinn wanted to talk to her about must be serious or she would have said it in the car.

"Santana," Quinn placed her hand on Santana's bicep to get the girls attention, her eyes flickered to her side but quickly returned to the TV. "Look at me." Santana shook her head and kept her eyes glued to the screen. "You know what I'm going to say?"

Santana shrugged and sucked in her bottom lip. "I know you're going to lecture or scream at me. Why else would you be acting all serious?"

"I saw what happened at the bar."

"You're going to have to be more specific than that, Q."

"When you fell back into Blaine. You looked like something hurt." Quinn placed her hand on Santana's cheek and turned her head to face her. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

Santana shook her head. "I just got a little pain that's all. I'm fine now." She knew she wasn't though, there was a weird aching pain still tingling in her arms and the room was slightly fuzzy.

"Are you sure? Your dad is here, we can get him to take a look at you?" Santana shook her head quickly. She didn't want people worrying about her; if she took her pills she would be fine in no time. She stood up and took their empty cups back to the kitchen before quickly swallowing a pill before Quinn could see. While she was up, she reached over for her glasses that were sitting on the breakfast bar and slipped them on. Her vision didn't improve causing her to squint her eyes just as Quinn walked into the kitchen.

"San, you'd tell me if there was something up right?" Quinn asked with a quiet voice.

"Of course I would." Santana gave the blonde her best fake smile she could muster and pulled her into a hug.

"Good, well I better be off. Rach just text me to hurry up." She lifted her phone to show the Latina as she pulled on her coat and headed towards the door.

Santana knew she should tell the blonde the truth, she had been nothing but supportive and an amazing friend. She owed this to her.

"Quinn…" Santana started. Quinn spun round with expectant eyes. "I… Thank you." She couldn't do it. She didn't want the blonde to worry about her. Quinn's eye's dropped and a small frown formed on her face. Santana could tell she was expecting something more.

"Any time, S." She kissed the Latina on the cheek before leaving.

Santana took in a deep painful breath as she made her way to her bathroom to run herself a bath. Every inch of her body was aching and she didn't know why, she needed to relax, she needed to sleep, she needed Brittany.

She sighed heavily as she let her body slowly sink into the warm water and the bubbles engulf her. She sunk back and closed her eyes and let herself fall into an unusual darkness. She needed to sleep or do something to get her mind off of things. She hummed along softly to her booming iPod while it played some song by _Pink_, she didn't hear her front door open and a very drunk blonde stumbled into apartment.

"Sanny?" Brittany sang out loudly but there was no reply. "Baby…" the blonde followed the sound of the music and found herself standing outside of the bathroom. Should she go in? Maybe Santana wanted her own space after the night she had had she didn't blame her. She chose to knock instead. Still, there was no reply.

She cocked her head to the side and pouted her lips in confusion. She pushed the door open and was suddenly swarmed by steam. She puffed out a breath of air as she tried to clear the space in front of her so she could find her girlfriend.

Her eyes widened in horror as she looked down into the bathtub to see Santana pail as a ghost and her eyes closed. Her mind immediately thought the worst as she collapsed down beside the bath. "Santana?" she turned the Latina's face to look at her but she didn't move. Her hands tightened on her shoulders as she lightly shook the girl. "Oh my god, Santana. Please!" she shook harder.

Santana could hear something muffled but she couldn't quite make it out. She felt something grip her arms and shake her, she wanted to open her eyes to see who it was but she felt so tired she didn't physically have the strength.

However, it was when she heard the crying that she chose to open them. Everything was spinning wildly around her, she blinked furiously for a moment as she regained her focus only to be met by messy blonde hair and blood shot eyes. "Britt?" Santana managed to croak out.

"Fucking hell Santana!" Brittany screamed at the Latina and grabbed the girls face. "You scared the fucking shit out of me!" Brittany's hands were trembling and her voice was slurred with a mixture of the alcohol she had been consuming all night long and the heart attack she had just received with finding her girlfriend in this hazy state.

"What's wrong, Britt?" Santana had no clue what was going on or why her girlfriend was panicking.

Brittany watched as Santana lifted her hand up and wiped away the tears that had escaped her now dull blue eyes without her knowing. "I…" Brittany clenched her eyes shut and shook her head. She had jumped to conclusions too quickly. She hadn't realised how scared she was of losing the Latina until now. She could still feel her heart breaking in her chest even though Santana seemed fine. "I thought-" she could finish her sentence. Before she could get her words out, Santana's lips had crashed against her own to silence her words and thoughts.

"Britt-Britt…" Santana sobbed out. "I'm fine, I must have fallen asleep." She kept the blondes face in between her hands to keep eye contact. "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, I promise." She knew exactly what the blonde had thought and it was killing her even more inside to see how distressed the blonde was.

"Don't scare me like that again, okay?" the blonde stuttered out as she laced her fingers with Santana's still on her cheeks. "I love you so much." She pressed their foreheads together as they both calmed down but kept their eyes glued together.

"Help me out?" Santana mumbled after what could have been an hour of the two of them just staring deeply and getting lost in each-other's eyes. Brittany nodded and carefully stood up on wobbly legs, the alcohol hadn't had enough time to wear off. She placed her hands firmly around Santana's waist and helped her up. Brittany's eyes didn't wander down to the Latina's naked form; they kept glued to her face looking for any sign of pain from the girl. She could tell there was something the Latina was keeping from her, she was being way too quiet and after the night she had had, Brittany wouldn't be surprised if there was something wrong. "Thank you." Santana whispered softly as Brittany wrapped her up into a fluffy towel.

Brittany wrapped her arms around Santana's waist from behind and placed her chin on the shorter girls shoulder. She peppered Santana's neck with soft loving kisses as they walked back to Brittany's room.

When the pair were finally settled down under the warm covers of Brittany's bed, Santana placed her had on Brittany's chest and wrapped her arm around her waist. Santana trailed lazy circles on Brittany's chest as she slowly felt herself falling asleep. "Britt?"

"Hmm?" the blonde replied already half asleep.

"Thank you for what you done at the bar, I really don't know what I would do without you sometimes." She reached up and planted a soft kiss to the blonde pink lips causing Brittany to smile into the kiss.

"I would do anything for you." And she meant it. She would throw herself off of a cliff if that's what Santana asked of her.

When Brittany had walked into the crowded bar earlier that night her eyes nearly fell out of her head when she saw that guy trying to grope her girlfriend. She had left Kristin at the bar and ran straight over, she hadn't bothered to avoid the other customers, she just threw herself at the guy with more anger and adrenalin she had ever felt within her.

Santana had looked so scared and helpless; Brittany hadn't given her actions a second thought.

"Hey, I was thinking…" Santana started as she sat up to straddle Brittany's hips. "How about we go back to Lima in the summer or something?"

Brittany looked up at Santana in confusion. "Why would you want to go back there? I mean it's not like we have any reason to go back…"

"Britt, you have your whole family there." She tucked a stray piece of hair behind the blonde's ear. "And I was thinking the other day that I probably won't get a chance to see the stars like we used to up by the old water tower…" she trailed off and looked down shyly. Maybe it was a stupid idea. She should shut up and go to sleep.

"I think it's a great idea. But I'm not going to see my parents… they don't know about us."

Santana's head shot up. "You haven't told them?"

"No, I didn't think they needed to know after the way they acted last time they were here." Santana frowned slightly. She didn't know how to react to Brittany's news.

"Oh…"

"It's okay; I'll tell them when we get there if you like?"

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to…" Santana mumbled.

"I think it will be a good thing if they know how happy I am. If they don't like the fact that that's because of you then their opinion doesn't matter to me." she reached up and pulled the Latina into a heated kiss. Santana tucked her hand around Brittany's neck and pulled her face closer. When she felt Brittany smile against her lips she pulled away. "Get some sleep, we can sort plans out in the morning. Q and Rach can come too!" she cheered causing Santana to giggle.

She lay back down on top of Brittany and let herself slowly fall into a dreamless sleep completely wrapped up and safe in the blonde's arms.


	20. Chapter 20

Here's the next chapter guys, this is where things start getting shitty for Santana (even though they have already been pretty shitty...)

if any of you didnt know, i am now splitting this story into two parts, so the end of part one is coming up soon. thank you to Perhaps Glee for helping me out with my questions and ideas. x

* * *

Chapter 20

"Right, come on. Get up and stop moping about." Santana ordered as she pulled off her bed sheets and threw them to the floor.

"Go away, San." Marco grumbled as he pulled his pillow over his head and curled up into a ball. He hadn't got out of bed in over a week and frankly, Santana was sick of it. Yes he had just left his wife and yes he didn't have a real home but he was just making himself feel worse by acting like this. He was making himself depressed and Santana wasn't about to let that happen.

"No. Get up now. You have to find your own place or at last start helping around the house. Like start by cleaning my room!" she shouted as she pointed to the mess the man had made. "Get up now or you can leave." She bluffed. Of course she wouldn't kick her own father out of her home when he didn't have a place to go. She really didn't mind her father staying here, most of the time he was on his laptop typing up some paper for the hospital or researching stuff for Santana's heart. To be honest, Santana felt safer know her father was just down the hall if she ever felt that pain return – which it had and was getting more frequent lately, she'd told her doctor but he told her there was nothing much they could do for her. She kept a strip of painkillers in her pocket at all times which helped with the pain for a while but didn't completely get rid of it. She still hadn't told anyone about the pain though, not even Brittany. She didn't want them worrying about her.

Marco's head shot up at the Latina's words. She wore her best poker face that was almost impossible to see through. He got up slowly and walked off towards the bathroom. "I'll take a shower and start cleaning up in here. I'm sorry, baby."

Santana smiled softly at his words and wandered back out into the living room. The apartment had been way too quiet lately after Brittany had started her new job. Of course Santana was happy for her; Brittany loved her job more than anything but that didn't mean Santana didn't miss her. She missed her like hell.

Santana would be lucky if she got to see Brittany for more than two hours lately. Brittany would be up early and return at five but then Santana shift would start at seven so they only really got a chance to talk in bed but by then both girls were exhausted.

Santana sighed and slumped down onto the sofa as she picked at some left over pizza from the night before. She sprawled her body flat out, one leg was hanging over the back of the sofa and the other over the armrest. She groaned loudly as boredom began to take over her body.

Suddenly, her phone vibrated from beside her. She sighed and lazily flapped her arms around lazily as she tried to find her phone. She picked it up but almost threw it against the wall when she saw the name on the screen.

_**Rachel: Hello, Santana. I have a free afternoon and I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee? Wait, no coffee. How about a late lunch? I know that's probably not the way you would want to spend your afternoon but I need to get out of this apartment before I go crazy and since we haven't seen each-other lately, I thought it would be fun? **_

Santana mumbled a stream of incoherent words into a cushion. It really pissed her off how the smaller girl would insist on using the correct grammar instead of text language. But maybe getting out the house for a while was good; she had spent the best part of the last two months sleeping, cleaning the apartment or working. She really needed to get out for a while, even if it was with Rachel Fucking Berry.

**Sure, why not? **

She sent back a quick text and only had to wait a minute before her phone buzzed again.

_**Rachel: Really? Okay! I will come and pick you up in half an hour?**_

**K **

She put her phone back down onto the coffee table before getting up to change out of her sweats. As she walked into her room she was met by her father who had actually started to clean her room.

"I was joking about cleaning you know?" she muttered as she pulled on a pair of leggings a hoodie and a red beanie.

"It's the least I could do, and I promise I will start looking for a new place to live." he said with a shy look.

"You don't have to start looking just yet. I like having you around, I miss us being this close." She went and sat down on her bed beside her father and tilted her head to rest it on his shoulder. She smiled when he wound his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. "I don't want you to go yet."

They sat in silence for a while. Marco was sure that if he opened his mouth to say something all that would come out would be a sob. He love Santana more than anything on this planet and he regretted so much not spending enough time with her over the past nineteen years. His work had always come first or he would be to busy being pushed around by his wife to have time to be with his daughter. The fact that his daughter didn't hold a grudge against him for that and still wanted him to stay meant so much to him. He couldn't believe that this could be all over in less than seven months. "I won't go anywhere until you want me to. Okay?" Santana nodded before hugging her father tightly.

"Love you." She whispered before standing up and walking over to the door. She had never been any good with all this 'family love' stuff mainly because her parents had never been around to make her feel loved. But she knew her father loved her, she could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice when he spoke to her. "I'm going out with Rachel for lunch; call me if you need anything."

She jogged down the stairs to the front of her building where Rachel was just pulling up in her car. Santana waved with a smile as she ran over to the door. Even though it was late March and the sun was out, there was still an icy chill in the air that caused the Latina to shudder as she fastened her seatbelt.

"Hey, San." Rachel beamed at the girl and pulled her into a death grip of a hug.

Santana was taken aback by the sudden gesture but tapped the girls back anyway. "Hi." Rachel pulled away from the sidewalk and began driving down the street. "So where are we going?"

"Breadstix!" Rachel fist bumped the air and began to giggle when Santana gave her an odd look. "I miss Lima… and since that's one of the only places we were all together I thought it would be cool."

Santana nodded her head in agreement, she did have a point. "Sound's good, Rach-" she stopped mid-sentence when Rachel head whipped around to face her. "Uh, I mean, Berry." Santana blushed.

Rachel shook her head with a small smile. "Will you even call me by my first name, Santana?"

"No." Santana smirked at Rachel playfully. "It's just not in my nature. Sorry." She shrugged still smiling. "Where's Q? She's not meant to be working today…"

Rachel sighed. "She's out apartment hunting…" Santana cock her head to the side questioningly. "Our place is begging to feel really crowded with four of us living there." She explained. Santana just nodded. She wasn't surprised. Their place was really small and if she was Quinn, she would have murdered everyone in that place by now, well maybe no Blaine. He was more bearable than the other two but only just. Santana was happy that Brittany and hers place was twice the size.

"Any luck?"

"Not yet, we can't afford anywhere decent." She sighed sadly. Santana still wasn't surprised. Quinn was the only one bringing in the money and to be honest it wasn't the best wages working at the bar. "It's kind of funny watching Quinn get all stressed out about it, you know what she's like." She giggled.

Santana rolled her eyes with a smirk and nodded. She did know what the blonde was like, she could get so wound up easily after everything she went through in high school, she had a short temper but it was funny to watch her storm out of the room or scream at nothing. At least she didn't take it out on her friends or Rachel. It wasn't anything serious but high school had really affected the girl, Santana didn't know where Quinn would be now if she didn't have Rachel.

Rachel was a good person, amazing even and Quinn and Santana regretted the way they treated her back in high school, Quinn especially. Sometimes Santana found it hard to understand why the smaller girl ever forgave them for what they put her through…

"We're here!" Rachel shouted as she pulled Santana from her thoughts. She clambered out of the car and raced over to the restaurant leaving Santana to slowly wander behind her.

By the time Santana made it inside, Rachel had already gotten them both a table near a window at the far end of the room. Santana made her way over and sat down opposite Rachel and they both ordered their food.

"So how are things with you and Brittany?" Rachel asked half way through her meal.

"We're good, why wouldn't we be?" she replied shortly.

"Well apart from the obvious," she pointed her fork towards Santana's heart. "Is there anything else going on?"

Santana just shrugged and carried on eating. She didn't want to get into this conversation now, not after what happened last night. "We're still fine."

"Just fine huh?"

"Yes, Rachel. Just fine." She snapped. Rachel flinched slightly and went quiet. "Sorry." Santana mumbled. She played with her food for a while as she contemplated telling Rachel. She needed to talk to someone. She couldn't keep everything locked up inside of her. "We just had a little scare last night. I must have fallen asleep in the bath or something but when Brittany found me she immediately thought the worst…" her head dropped as she tried to hide her teary eyes. "She was so scared."

Rachel's lips formed a perfect 'o' as she just stared at Santana. She didn't know what to say, nothing she could say would change what was happening to her or the way people would act around her. So instead she reached a hand over the top of the table and placed it gently on top of Santana's. Surprisingly, the Latina didn't flinch away, instead she turned it over and gripped Rachel's hand as tears began to silently fall down her cheeks.

Santana couldn't believe she was crying in front of Rachel Berry of all people. But she found the other girl strangely comforting. She felt like she could cry in front of her and not be afraid of being judged or interrupted, she felt like it was okay to cry for once.

Rachel stood up out of the booth still keeping a hold of Santana's hand and sat down beside her. Santana leaned into the warm body; the smaller girl wrapped an arm around her and held her while her body shook. "Thank… you…" Santana managed between sobs.

Rachel just held her tighter, she didn't need to ask what for or say anything else.

When the sobbing finally subsided, both girls returned to their now cold food. Santana's eyes were blood shot and her chest ached. "B and I had an idea…" Santana started. Rachel looked up from her now empty plate. "I thought that it would maybe be cool to go back to Lima for a few weeks in April for Brittany's birthday? The four of us."

Rachel considered it for a second her lips slowly curled up into a smile. "I think that would be a great idea, Santana."

"I was wondering if you could help me look for a hotel for me and B, I'm no good with that stuff and her parents-" she was cut off mid-sentence once again when Rachel held up her hand and shook her head.

"Stay with us, we have three spare rooms." She offered but Santana frowned.

"Rachel, that's really sweet of you but we wouldn't want to over crowd or anything like that."

"Nonsense! It would be a pleasure." She smiled sweetly.

"Are you sure?" Rachel just nodded. "You really are awesome, Rach." Santana didn't care that she had just called the girl by her first name; she didn't want to be a bitch to her anymore. Rachel had been nothing but kind to her.

Rachel was taken aback slightly by the use of her name but shuck off the shock quickly. "Well I think I better be getting back, Quinn will be missing me." Santana rolled her eyes but smiled anyway. She stood up and pulled out her money to pay for both of their meals and quickly pushed Rachel towards the exit before she could protest.

They climbed into the car and Rachel turned to Santana with a pout. "I would have paid; it was my idea to come out."

"Shush, it's the least I could do for what you done for me in there and then letting us stay at your house." She pulled Rachel into a hug. "Thank you." She whispered then pulled away. Rachel stared at the girl in shock with wide eyes causing Santana to chuckle softly. "Really that shocked, Rachel."

Rachel squeaked at the use of her name once again and nodded slowly. "I must be dreaming." She mumbled to herself as she pulled out of the car park and drove back to Santana's in silence.

"Hurry your fat ass up, Quinn, or we're leaving without you!" Santana shouted up from her car. Brittany and Rachel sat singing along to some Disney CD while Santana tapped her thumbs impatiently on the steering wheel. They had packed up their suitcases, threw them in the trunk of Santana's car and were ready to drive off to Lima. Santana refused to get on a plane, even though it was on her bucket list and would make the journey quicker. She couldn't bring herself to do it. Maybe that would be the one thing she wouldn't cross off her list.

Marco was still living in their apartment and as much as Santana was enjoying having him around she needed a break from him. At least she didn't have to worry about anyone breaking in. He promised that he would have found a place to live by the time they got and would move out as soon as they wanted rid of him.

Quinn poked her head out of her bedroom window. "Shut up, S! I do not have a fat ass!" she screamed and threw a bottle of some hand cream out of the window that just narrowly missed the car. "I don't have a fat ass do I Rach?" she asked softly, her voice completely changed from the way she had just spoke to Santana less than a second before.

"No baby." Rachel laughed as she shouted back up to the blonde hanging out of the window.

"You get a scratch on my baby; I will cut you, Fabrey!" Quinn just rolled her eyes as she zipped up her case and pulled it through her apartment.

"Aw, thank you Santana." Brittany smiled next to her and planted a kiss on the girl's cheek.

"I was talk about- You're welcome, Britt." Santana planted her own kiss on Brittany's lips. The blonde wound her fingers into dark locks and held their lips together. They were pulled apart when a banging sound echoed from the back of the car.

"Pop the trunk, San."

"Jesus, Q! How much shit are you bringing!" Santana gasped at the size of Quinn's case that could easily fit herself and Rachel inside of it. Quinn just rolled her eyes and lifted the case into the trunk then ran round to the front to fold back the roof of the car, oh how she loved Santana's father for buying her this car, she then climbed in the back with her girlfriend and wrapped her arm around her waist.

Santana flipped her Aviators down over her eyes and pulled out onto the road. "Lima better be ready for us!" she shouted as Brittany held her hands in the air and let the cool air run through her hair.

"They'll have missed us so much!" Quinn shouted sarcastically as Rachel pulled her in for a kiss.

When they finally got to the high way, Santana hit the gas and sped off down the road. Brittany turned the radio up full blast and they all joined in with _Teenage dream_. Brittany couldn't take her eyes off of Santana and resisted the urge to slip her hand in between the girl's thighs.

"This is going to be the best two weeks ever." Brittany giggled as the song came to an end.

"Of course it will, Britt-Britt." Santana said with a beaming smile. "You're going to have an awesome Birthday as well."

"Duh, that's a given." Brittany dead panned causing the other three girls to giggle and roll their eyes.

After four hours or so of constant driving, Santana began to feel sleepy and as if the universe could hear her very thoughts, a gas station appeared in the distance. "Hey guys, is it okay if we pull over for a while. I'm going to fall asleep."

"I need to pee."

"I'm starving."

"My butt hurts."

Came a round of voices in reply. Santana pulled over and practically rolled out of the car as she tried to stretch all of her muscles at once. Her spin and leg boned clicked and popped and she let out a satisfied sigh. Quinn and Brittany ran off to the shop to get some food and use the toilet while Rachel offered to fill up on gas. In the distance, the sun was setting over the horizon painting the sky an array of purples, oranges and pinks. Four more hours and they would be in Ohio and Santana would be met by that starry night sky she had missed so much.

The girls all climbed back into the car and just sat for a few minutes. Brittany had brought Santana a coffee – she swore it was a one off just so she could drive because she wouldn't trust anyone else behind the wheel. Before they had even hit the road again, Brittany and Rachel were fast asleep and snoring softly. Santana chuckled softly as she looked into the mirror and winked at Quinn.

"You excited, Q?"

"Kind of, I don't really want to run into my parents though." She grimaced at the thought. Things hadn't ended well with the Fabrey family after Quinn told them about her and Rachel they reacted worse than they did with the news of Beth. Luckily for Quinn, the Berry's were kind and loving people and accepted her into their home with open arms, despite her history with their daughter.

"Don't worry, Quinn. We'll fight 'em off." Santana shot the girl another wink before turning her gaze back to the road. It was only a little past seven o'clock but the air was freezing and the sky was pitch black. Sadly it was cloudy so Santana couldn't see her stars yet. She hoped that would change in the time they would be in Lima.

Another hour passed and Quinn had finally fallen asleep. Santana was left in silence so she decided to put the radio on for background noise. Her thumbs started tapping along to the beat of the music, her head was soon to follow by bobbing and before she knew it she was full on belting out the words.

_I did my best to notice_

_When the call came down the line_

_Up to the platform of surrender_

_I was brought but I was kind_

_And sometimes I get nervous_

_When I see an open door_

_Close your eyes _

_Clear your heart..._

_Cut the cord_

She looked over to the girls sitting in the car but none of them even stirred as she sang along.

_Are we human?_

_Or are we dancer?_

_My sign is vital_

_My hands are cold_

_And I'm on my knees_

_Looking for the answer_

_Are we human?_

_Or are we dancer?_

Her foot pressed down on the gas as adrenalin took over her body and goose bumps rose on her arms as she carried on singing. A car that was driving alongside her wound their window down. "Great singing!" the elderly woman cheered for her. Santana only blushed.

_Pay my respects to grace and virtue_

_Send my condolences to good_

_Give my regards to soul and romance,_

_They always did the best they could_

_And so long to devotion_

_You taught me everything I know_

_Wave goodbye_

_Wish me well..._

_You've gotta let me go_

Just as she was about to start singing the chorus, a burning pain seared up her chest causing her to swerve violently. "Fucking hell!" she screamed out and clutched her chest in pain as she veered off the road into a field. She gasped for air desperately as her vision went dark. "Britt!" She screamed for help when the pain got worse, her arm went out to the side and clutched at the blonde's body sitting next to her.

She could hear the panicked voices of the other girls but she couldn't move. Everything was hurting and she was scared she was about to throw up everywhere.

"San… Baby? Can you hear me?" Brittany's voice was frantic as she climbed out of her seat to lean over Santana. The Latina nodded and mumbled something under her breath.

"What happened?" Rachel shouted but received now answer. Quinn was already running over to the driver's side and pulling Santana out onto the grass.

"It must be the coffee!" Quinn shouted. "Where are her pills?" but before she had even gotten the sentence out Brittany was by her side passing her the white pills.

"We need to get her into the car and keep her warm." Brittany instructed. She hadn't told Santana but Marco had told her everything to do in case something like this ever happened and he wasn't there to help. Quinn gave her an unsure look. "Now!" Brittany shouted at Quinn causing her to jump into action.

They carefully lifted the smaller girl into the back of the car and wrapped her up under their coats while Rachel held her feet slightly in the air as instructed by the taller blonde. Santana's head was resting in Brittany's lap and Quinn pulled the car back onto the road. "Should we go to the hospital?" Quinn asked with a shaky voice, her hands shook and her eyes were watering as the panic built inside of her.

"No! It's too far away. My dads can help her; just put your foot down." Rachel instructed. Brittany kept quiet through the whole interaction, her hand stroked up and down Santana face softly and she planted barely there kisses on her forehead.

"Don't… let-" Santana gasped sharply, "them take me… to the hospital, Britt…" her eyes began to droop slowly and everything went silent.

"Stay with me, San. Keep your eyes open. I love you." A sob broke through Brittany's lips. "I love you so much." A single tear drop fell to the Latina's chest. "Please don't leave me. I'm not ready to lose you yet."


	21. Chapter 21

Sorry for the cliff hanger at the end of the last chapter hope you all didn't go too crazy worrying about Santana, the chapter after this will be full of Brittany fluff and some Faberittana so hopefully your hearts wont be aching too much.

i love you all

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Chapter 21

"_I'm not ready to lose you yet." _

Quinn looked in the rear-view mirror at her girlfriend as Brittany's words echoed through the car. Quinn's heart shattered in her chest knowing that the Latina couldn't control her fate. Rachel blinked rapidly as she looked out the window. She didn't want Quinn to see her tears.

"Come on, Santana. Stay awake for me baby." Brittany carried on mumbling as her lips moved down to the Latina's nose. She trailed the tips of her fingers down her jaw line and stopped over Santana's pulse point. Her heart was pounding rapidly caused Brittany to gasp. "Hurry up, Quinn."

"We're nearly there. Rach, call your dads and tell them to meet us outside." She replied as they drove past the _Welcome to Lima _sign. Quinn slammed her foot down hard, the car jolted forward and she swerved around the car in front. "Two more minutes, B. Keep her awake." At Quinn's words, Santana lifted her had to cup Brittany's cheek.

Rachel picked up her phone and started shouting down the phone; her words were so quickly spoken that none of the girls could make out what she was saying. Brittany prayed to god that her fathers could understand her.

A car horn sounded from behind them, Quinn stuck her head out of the window and started screaming something incoherent to the driver of the car. She stuck up her middle finger before pulling herself back into the car to concentrate on getting them to the Berry's house faster.

"Daddy's not home but dad is, he'll be waiting for us." Rachel said when she finally hung up the phone.

"I'm okay." she said a little more clearly. Her breathing had calmed down and the colour had returned to her face. "Britt, I'm okay. Can I sit up?" Brittany shook her head. "Please, nothing's hurting. I'm fine." Santana was a terrible liar and she knew it, but that didn't stop her from doing it.

"No, not until we get to Rachel's." Brittany didn't want to risk anything happening. Santana just rolled her eyes and sighed but she knew the blonde was probably right to keep her lying down, her chest was still aching and everything was spinning still. Her pills were taking longer to kick in but she knew there was nothing anyone could do. Her doctor had ordered her to take it easy and not over do anything. Maybe that coffee and the singing was what set it off?

Suddenly the car came to a halt and Quinn threw open the driver's door. There was a mumble of voices but Santana couldn't see who it was from the way she was laying. The door next to Brittany opened, "Santana, how are you feeling?" the deep voice came from above her. She didn't know if it was Hiram or Leroy, last time she had been at Rachel's she was already drunk out of her mind and couldn't remember if she'd asked the smaller girl or not about her fathers.

"Dizzy and my chest feels tight." She mumbled slightly confused as to why Rachel had thought it would be a good idea to take her to her father's rather than the hospital.

"You need to help her, Hiram." Quinn said with a panicked voice.

_Hiram. I knew it._ Santana thought to herself.

Hiram must have noticed the confusion on the girls face and quickly explained. "I'm a cardiac doctor at the hospital and since you have a serious heart condition, this is probably the best place for you to be right now since the other doctors are rubbish!" he mused then gave Santana a wink and chuckled. "Do you think you can stand or do you want me to carry you?"

"I can walk…" Santana muttered as she lifted herself up into Brittany's lap before swinging her legs around and out of the car. She didn't want to be causing this much trouble for the man.

The floor seemed further away as she tried to place her feet on the ground, it kept spinning and moving out of her reach, squinting her eyes to try and stop the movement but it wouldn't work.

"San?" Brittany asked as she stroked her hand up and down the Latina's back softly.

"I'm okay." She snapped. But as she turned to face Brittany who was wearing a pout on her lips she immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to snap." She reached over and placed a soft kiss on Brittany's lips before she pushed up off of the seat but completely lost her balance and began to tip over. Brittany quickly wrapped her arms around Santana and hoisted her up and off the ground. "Put me down."

"What? And watch you fall flat on your face?" Brittany snorted as she followed Hiram into the house, all the way up the stairs and down the hall to the spare room. Brittany sighed when she placed Santana down on the bed, the Latina wasn't heavy but for some reason her arms felt weak. She quickly leaned down and planted a kiss on Santana's lips.

"Do you girls think you can give us some space?" Hiram asked softly as he pulled out his stethoscope out of a black leather bag and placed it to Santana's chest. Brittany turned to Santana who only nodded and sent her a soft smile.

"Go on, I'll be fine." She reassured the blonde. Brittany nodded softly before turning around and followed Quinn and Rachel out of the room.

"Are you hungry, B?" Quinn asked as they sat down in the living room in front of the fire. Brittany just shook her head; she didn't feel like eating, drinking or doing anything at all. She just wanted to curl up in bed with Santana and stop anything bad from ever happening to her.

"She's going to be okay you know?" Rachel placed her hand on Brittany's thigh.

"I know." Brittany nodded with a half-hearted smile. "She's strong; she's always going to be okay. She's going to be more than okay when she gets a new heart."

Rachel and Quinn gave each other an awkward look before turning back to the blonde. "Britt," Quinn started but Brittany just shook her head to silence her. She didn't want to hear Quinn telling her not to get her hopes up too much, she couldn't hear it anymore, and she'd had that same conversation with Santana over and over. It pissed her off to think how much Santana seemed to believe she had a shot at living but then suddenly changed her mind and turned all negative. She just hoped that Santana would be able to find a new heart soon.

But just as Brittany was about to get up and announce that she was going to bed, Hiram walked back into the room. All three girls fell silent at the man's presence. "Santana's sleeping but she seems to be okay for now. She took another pill so her heart rate should even out as much as it possibly can but for now I advise bed rest." He sat down next to Rachel and pulled her into a warm hug. "I've missed you so much." He planted a kiss on the top of her head.

"I've missed you too." She smiled as she pulled away. Brittany, Quinn and Rachel all stood up together, "We've had a really long day, is it okay if we all go to bed. I promise we can have a movie night tomorrow when Daddy is with us." Hiram nodded and hugged all three girls before wishing them good night.

"Thanks for being awesome tonight, you guys." Brittany said as she stood outside of hers and Santana's room. "I don't know what I would have done without you." Brittany smiled shyly and looked down at her feet as Quinn and Rachel both wrapped their arms tightly around the blonde. They didn't say anything but they all knew that they were grateful that Santana would be okay.

When Brittany had finally changed Santana and herself into shorts and a loose top without waking the Latina up, she climbed into bed. She let out a content sigh as she wrapped her arms protectively around Santana's waist then slid her leg between Santana's and pulled her body closer to her own. "I love you so much baby." Brittany mumbled into the Latina's ear.

"I 'ove you." Santana mumbled back sleepily as she laced her fingers with Brittany's. She smiled when she felt soft lips against the skin of her neck. "Thank you for tonight." Santana whispered as she slowly felt herself falling into a deep sleep.

"Shush, I love you." Their bodies completely tangled with each-others.

Santana was breathing heavy against Brittany's cheek, her fists were balled up around Brittany's baggy tee shirt and she was practically curled up on top of the blonde. Brittany's arms were wrapped loosely around Santana's waist as she planted soft kisses up the Latina's neck so as not to wake her from her slumber.

Brittany hadn't slept at all that night, the sun hadn't even started to come up yet but she couldn't sleep. Her mind was still reeling after last night's events. She could feel herself getting physically ill from constantly worrying about Santana. It seemed that more often than not, the Latina would have pains or be passing out. She had refused to go to the hospital however; she said she hated hearing the bad news be repeated over and over to her when she already knew what was going to be said.

Even though Santana's father was at home to look after her, it didn't make Brittany worry any less. And now that she had and actual cardiac doctor in the same house as her she still felt terrified for her girlfriends life.

She really couldn't take it anymore. Brittany knew she would snap at any moment and scream at Santana to go to the hospital before she dragged her there herself. Yes, she was mad at Santana for being so stubborn and yes she wanted her to have a new heart but there was nothing she could really do but be there for the girl. She had to stand by her through all of this and reassure her that she was going to make it…

"Stop thinking…" Brittany was pulled from her thoughts by the muffled voice against her neck. Santana fists tightened on Brittany's shirt and she tangled her legs into the blonde's. "I can feel your brain cogs turning." She giggled as Brittany kissed her temple. "What are you thinking about?"

"Oh, nothing." Brittany lied. Santana frowned, she knew the blonde well enough to know when she was lying. She leaned up on her elbow to look down into the blonde's eyes. Brittany sighed. "I'm just worried about you." She ducked her head to avoid eye contact with the Latina.

Santana lifted her hand and placed it softly against Brittany's cheek. "Brittany, please don't be worried about me," she paused to make eyes contact with her girlfriend. What else could she say? _Everything else will be okay? _It wasn't in fact everything was most likely going to get ten times as bed.

"How can I not when you always seem to be in pain or passing out? Your pills aren't working anymore and you refuse to go to the hospital. Santana, I'm not just worried, I'm terrified." Brittany's voice sounded frantic with worry and every other emotion she was feeling in that moment. She needed to get everything out but no words could ever describe how she felt.

Santana flinched at Brittany's words as they caused a sudden sting to fire its way up her spine. "Brittany…" she sighed sadly and leaned down to place a small kiss against her lips, she stared deeply into the blondes gorgeous eyes with their foreheads pressed together. Just as Brittany was about to speak again, the bedroom door creaked up and Quinn tip toed in.

"What do you want Quinn?" Santana snapped.

"Rachel is doing her work out and I need my sleep but she's playing her music really loud and since this is the farthest room from ours I was wondering if maybe… I could sleep in here?" Santana shot her a bewildered look as if to say _"Get the fuck out of my room forz I endz you." _But before she could say what she wanted, Brittany was shifting over to make room for the shorter blonde to climb in.

"Brittany!" Santana whined with a small pout as Quinn climbed into bed a wiggled about a bit before finally getting comfy and letting out a sigh.

"Thanks guys. One of these days I'm going to gag that girl…" Quinn muttered as she closed her eyes.

"Surprised you haven't already tried that yet, Q." Santana mumbled sarcastically before letting out a small scream as Quinn swung her hand out to her side to slap the Latina on the butt.

"My sex life is none of your business, Lopez." She spat causing Santana to giggle and roll her eyes. "Now shush, I need to sleep or I will end up killing someone later." She mumbled as she turned to cuddled up to Santana and Brittany.

Brittany finally found herself falling asleep just as the sun was beginning to rise.

Rachel had come into their room around seven o'clock when she had completed her workout only to find the three girls fast asleep together, she had tried to climb in next to Quinn but the blonde just mumbled and rolled over covering more space. So she decided to sprawl herself out on top of the girls. She didn't even care that her tits were being crushed by Brittany's hips, she hadn't got a wink of sleep the night before and as soon as her eyes closed, she was out cold.

Later that morning, Santana wiggled her body as she began to slowly wake up once again. But as she tried to move her hips she felt a heavy, uncomfortable weight pressing down on top of her. She groaned loudly and sat up as best as she could only to be met by a brunette sprawled out across the other three girls. "Are you shitting me, Rachel?" Santana shouted. "Is everyone just going to climb into bed with me and Britt? Hey guys, how about a foursome?!" she snapped exasperatedly as she waved her arms around in the air, her words dripped with sarcasm but she shoved Rachel then slapped Quinn a few times on the cheek to wake her up.

"Nice to hear you're back to your old self. How are you feeling?"

Santana just shrugged in reply. to be honest her chest was still hurting more than it usually did after something like this happened but she knew if she had one of her pills and some food she would probably start to feel better, maybe…

"And no, I would not like a foursome." She rolled her eyes and slid on top of Quinn.

"I don't know, Rach. It could be pretty fun." Quinn giggled sleepily causing the brunette on top of her to jab her in her ribs. "Ow, okay no foursomes. Sorry San."

"It's okay, Q. I've got my Britt-Britt here." She kissed her still sleeping girlfriend. "Poor girl, don't think she got any sleep." Santana pouted.

"I don't think any of us did, San. I think I finally got to sleep about four o'clock only to be woken up again an hour later." Quinn answered followed by a soft _sorry _from Rachel. "It's okay baby. We were all so worried about you, San."

Santana nuzzled her face into the crook of Brittany's neck to hide her tears. She didn't know if they were sad tears, angry tears or _I'm so fucking scared I'm going to die soon and leave you amazing people _tears. She couldn't say this out loud but she loved these girls more than anything. They were her family.

"I'm sorry…" Santana whispered with a shaky voice. She didn't want them to see the tears falling down her face or her shaking bottom lip.

"You don't have to be sorry for anything, Santana." Rachel reassured the Latina. "It's not your fault." Santana didn't know what to say, she didn't know how to reply without breaking down into a sobbing mess.

"Are you sleeping?" Quinn poked Santana still body, her silence hadn't gone unnoticed. Santana shook her head into her pillow and sniffled quietly. Her body shook slightly as a silent sob racked its way through her. Quinn knew straight away that Santana was crying or at least upset with the conversation so decided to say something else.

"How about we just have a lazy day and watch movies and shit? I doubt it's a good idea for you to go out for a while Santana." Quinn said as she carefully climbed out of bed trying not to wake up Brittany who had begun to stir.

"Sound's good to me." Rachel said as she quickly followed her girlfriend out of the room and laced their fingers together. "We'll make breakfast."

Santana rolled over into the now empty space next to her and sprawled her arms out. She let out a long heavy sigh, her mind was racing everything was a complete mess right now.

She turned on her side and began to talk to the sleeping blonde next to her. The last time she did this it helped her get her feelings off of her chest. "I'm sorry for scaring you, Brittany. I'm scared as well. I don't want to die… I don't want to leave you alone. It scares me to think that when I'm gone, you'll move on and find someone else, have kids and live happily ever after. I want to have that with you, Britt. I want to be selfish and keep you all to myself; I don't want anyone else to even look at you the way I look at you. I don't want them to touch you the way I touch you." She trailed her finger softly down the side of Brittany's neck. "I don't want anyone else to love you the way I love you." Santana was so busy ranting that she hadn't noticed the blondes breathing had changed.

She was pouring her heart out to Brittany even though the blonde was fast asleep and wouldn't know anything she had said, but that's why Santana was doing it. Brittany wouldn't be able to come out with a reply that would make Santana fall even more in love with her.

Santana had counted on one thing happening in the end, Brittany's heart breaking. But she hadn't even considered her own heart breaking when she left the blonde.

"But do you want to know what I'm most scared of?" Santana's voice fell to a whisper as she moved closer to Brittany's body. "What I'm completely and utterly terrified of?" Santana paused again… "I'm scared that you'll forget about me."

Santana heaved in three long shaky breaths to compose herself before climbing out of the bed and headed down to the kitchen to get some breakfast to fill her empty stomach. She swayed slightly as she walked towards the door; maybe she still wasn't completely right after last night. She quickly regained her balance and made her way down to her friends leaving the perfect blonde in their bed.

A single tear trailed down the side of Brittany's face.

"I'll never forget you, Santana."


	22. Chapter 22

Hey guys! so here's chapter 22! wow i never thought i would get this kind of response to my story. i hope you are all enjoying it still even after all the heartache... just remember that Brittany is endgame.

so this might be the last chapter this week and next because i'm going away on Friday and i wont have internet connection, but if i can i will try and update before then but if i dont i promise you two chapters in one day on the 6th!

enjoy!

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Chapter 22

"Baby, I don't want to go out with Quinn." Brittany pouted as she wrapped her arms around Santana's waist. "I want to stay here with you and watch stupid musicals while you shout at Rachel for groping Quinn right in front of us." Brittany whined innocently.

Santana rocked up onto the balls of her feet and hooked an arm around her girlfriend's neck as she pulled her down to kiss away the pout. "I know baby. Me too, but me and Rachel need to sort everything out for your birthday party. And Quinn is taking you out to get you a new dress." Santana said a little more enthusiastically than needed but it was worth it to see the blonde smile and roll her eyes.

"You're such a dork." Brittany giggled.

"That's why you love me." Santana stated like it was the most obvious thing ever.

"Hmm…" Brittany shrugged playfully crashing their lips together before Santana could shoot back a snarky comment. Santana's grip tightened in Brittany's hair as she held the blonde in place causing the taller girl to moan softly into Santana's mouth.

Brittany began to slip her hands down the back of Santana's thigh's and hoisted the girls up. She pressed Santana up against their bedroom door when she tangled her legs around her waist. "Rachel's dads are in the other room." Santana whispered into Brittany's lips.

"Well you're going to have to be extra quiet then." Brittany moaned as she unhooked Santana bra. Just as the blonde was about to pull it away, there was a loud knock at the door.

"Britt? You ready?" Quinn's voice sounded from the other side of the door. Santana let out an irritated sigh as Brittany set her down.

"Coming." Brittany called back.

"You would have been." Santana mumbled as she opened the door to follow Quinn. Brittany just rolled her eyes and picked up her coat. They really couldn't get any time to them-selves in this house. It had been four days and Brittany was finding it hard to keep her hands to herself, she was lucky one of Rachel's dads hadn't caught them doing anything inappropriate in their house.

When she walked into the living room she was met by her girlfriend and Rachel sprawled out on the sofa watching something on the TV. "I thought you gays were meant to be sorting out my party?" she pouted. Quinn giggled from behind her as she pulled on her boots.

"_Guys_, Britt. Not _gays_." She corrected the blonde.

Brittany just shook her head. "We're not guys and we're all clearly very, _very_ gay." She shrugged causing Quinn to giggle.

"We will baby. We'll start when you and Quinn have gone." She shot her girlfriend a smile. "Right, Rach?" she kicked the other girl lightly to get her attention.

"Oh, yeah. Of course." Rachel mumbled, she barely lifted her head up off her arm to reply. Santana just rolled her eyes.

"You better. You've been in bed all week, you need to stop being lazy, San." Brittany scolded. Santana just rolled her eyes, she didn't bother correcting the blonde and telling her that she couldn't help but be lazy because her chest was in pain and any physical activity exhausted her.

"Don't worry, Britt. We'll get it done before you get home." Brittany bent over to kiss Santana good bye as Quinn ushered her out of the front door. Rachel slowly began to sit up and pull on a hoodie that was thrown over the back of the sofa. "Where do you think you're going Berry?"

"To start on the sandwiches for Brittany's party." Rachel deadpanned.

"Oh no you don't. You're keeping my legs warm." Santana pulled on Rachel's arm so she landed back into her old position.

"But…" Rachel started.

"Once this is finished." Santana pointed towards the TV. "Did you call the rest of Glee club?"

"Yeah, Finn said he felt too uncomfortable being around me and Quinn to come after he saw us at your party." She shrugged. Santana hadn't even thought about him, she hadn't realised that he may still have feelings for Rachel. No one had thought how he might feel… "Mercedes said she couldn't make it because she's working on her new album so Sam said he wants to stay and support her so he won't be coming either. Other than that, everyone else can come." Rachel clapped her hands and tipped her head to the side with a smile.

Santana rolled her eyes at the girl's cheeriness. "Seriously, Finnocence needs to grow a pair of balls and get over himself. And I'm sure Mercedes could have found time to come to Britt's birthday party." Santana stood up and stormed off towards the kitchen to start making the food. "What time are they all going to be here?"

"Around five, so they can help before Q and Britt get back, which will be around eight." Rachel skipped into the kitchen. "Okay, so what's first?" Rachel rubbed her hands together and opened the fridge door to collect ingredients.

"Cake?" Santana grinned wide. She couldn't wait to get started on Brittany's birthday cake, it was going to be the best thing the blonde had ever tasted she just knew it…

"Have you thought about what kind of cake you're going to make?" Rachel asked as she pulled out pots and pans from the cupboard.

"The edible kind…"

Rachel just shook her head and mumbled something under her breath. "How about I do the cake and you can do sandwiches or something?"

"No. I want to do the cake since it's on my bucket list. You can't stop me, Berry. You're all just going to have to eat it even if it tastes and looks like shit." Santana snapped.

"God. This is going to be a disaster." She mumbled as she looked up the ceiling. "Okay, fine. But at least let me help?" Santana tapped her chin for a moment while she thought but finally nodded her head.

As Rachel put the cake into the oven, Santana put a neat cross next the item on her list. She was one more activity closer to finally finishing this list. She doubted she would ever finish it though, she knew deep down that she would never make it that long, especially with the way things were happening lately. Even her doctor was surprised at how bad she was doing; Hiram had persuaded her to call her doctor just to inform him on what had happened. He had told her that she shouldn't have been missing her appointments but she had just spat back that there was nothing that they could do to stop the inevitable.

She could feel herself slowly coming towards the end and there was nothing she could do about it.

"Santana?" Rachel's voice pulled the Latina from her thoughts as she waved a hand in front of her face.

"Huh?"

"I said would you help me with these?" Rachel held up some colourful banners and streamers in her arms and gestured with her head towards the living room.

"Oh yeah, sure." Santana quickly stood up from her seat and pulled a stool into the living room so that they could reach the coving of the ceiling to hand up the banners. That was the down side of leaving the two shorter girls of the couples to sort out decorations, they couldn't reach.

Rachel let out a quiet grunt as she stood on her tip toes on top of the stool whilst Santana held her waist so that she wouldn't fall. "Shouldn't the guys be here soon?" Santana mumbled.

"Yes… they should be here… right now actually." Rachel managed to grunt out as she stretched her tiny arms out as far as she could manage. "There." She grinned in triumph as she stuck the corner down.

"Don't get too excited, we still have the rest of the room to do." She mumbled as she gestured to the other three walls in the room. Rachel let out a quite groan. Suddenly, there was a loud knock at the front door. "I'll get it!" Santana shouted as she raced off to go and answer the door. Rachel wobbled on the bar stool as she lost her balance causing it to topple over with her on top of it.

Santana heard a screech from the room she had just left but she just rolled her eyes in annoyance, Rachel always had a tendency to overreact. The corners of her mouth formed into a warm smile as she saw a group of people standing outside of the door through the glass window.

"Hey guys!" she cheered loudly as Blaine, Kurt, Puck, Mike, Tina and Sugar all walked in closely followed by Artie who rolled just behind them all baring gifts. "Rachel's through there. She needs help." She whispered to Puck and Mike as she pointed towards the living room. Both boys nodded with a smirk and headed through. "How was your flight?" She turned to everyone else as they all smiled and nodded.

"It was fine. Surprised you chose to drive." Kurt smirked knowing fine well that the Latina hated planes.

"No. Fucking. Way am I getting on one of those things! I watched _Grey's_ _Anatomy_! I do not want to die or have to have my leg amputated!" she said with a completely serious expression on her face.

"Santana, that only happened because it was a dodgy airline company and anyways, there's only like one in a million per cent chance that a plane you are on will crash." Blaine tried to reassure the girl but Santana was having none of it.

"With my luck I would be on the only plane out of that million that would crash…" she mumbled. Everyone in the room went silent knowing that the Latina was referring to her heart problem. Sugar walked over and wrapped Santana up in a bone crushing hug. _Wow, she's strong… _she thought to herself but quickly pushed the girl away.

"You're really cool, Santana." Sugar giggled as she skipped off towards Artie who had started picking at a bag of chips.

"What about this one?" Quinn held up a bright yellow dress that could have startled a blind person with its intensity.

"Err… no." Brittany shook her head and walked off. "I don't want to blind people Quinn." She flipped through a rack of dresses in the far corner of the shop. "Why are these all so expensive? They're so ugly!" she held a white dress up that had some sort of golden pattern running down the side with a ruffled collar. Just as she turned around to show Quinn the dress a shop assistant walked past and shot them a glare.

Quinn chuckled and shook her head. "This place is full of crap." She said a little louder than needed, the same shop assistant spun round and shot them another glare which Quinn returned with ten times more effectiveness. "Come on, I'm buying you some lunch then we'll go have a look somewhere else. Okay?" Brittany nodded and let the shorter blonde lead the way.

"So, have you seen your parents yet?" Brittany asked Quinn as they sat down in a café.

Quinn shook her head. "No, I haven't told them I was coming back to visit… have you?"

"No, Santana wanted me to tell them. I just, I don't know if I can tell them that I'm dating her." Brittany looked down into her food. She really wanted to tell her parents, more than anything. But she didn't want them to hate her for it, she remembered every day the way they had acted the last time she had seen them and she didn't want a repeat. She just wanted her to be happy for her, happy that she had finally fallen in love.

"You don't have to tell them if you're not ready. But I think, because they didn't leave New York hating you, that you should maybe invite them round to night." The shorter girl said softly as she placed her hand on top of Brittany's. "You still have a chance to sort things out with your parents. You shouldn't just let the opportunity slip when they still care about you." Quinn knew she didn't have a chance to fix things with her own parents. She didn't particularly want to, mainly because they had never been good parents but also because she knew she didn't need them anymore. Rachel was all she needed and if her parents couldn't look past the fact that their daughter was in love with a girl then she didn't want anything to do with them.

Brittany could see the pain behind the hazel eyes. She knew exactly what Quinn was thinking. "You will always have us, Quinn." She squeezed her hand to get the other girls attention.

Brittany barely ever got the chance to talk to Quinn like this; she would always go to Santana for help. But it was different talking to the blonde about this; she got a different view that could benefit her just as much. But she was thankful that Quinn let her talk and offered her opinion.

"I know," Quinn shot the blonde a half-hearted smile. "Your parents were always more forgiving than mine though, and they love you more than anything. That's a pretty good reason to keep them in your life Brittany. You should invite them, and if things don't go well then we can sort that out if the time comes."

Brittany just nodded. "Okay." she smiled before finally digging into her food. She was glad that she had a friend like Quinn, maybe having her around would take away some of the pain for when Santana would leave an empty void in her heart. Maybe, just maybe, their friendship would be enough to fill that space…

Maybe.

The house looked amazing, the cake smelled delicious and Santana looked fucking sexy. She looked herself over once more in the mirror, her tight black dress stopped just below her butt leaving nothing to the imagination. Her long hair was now curled and hung loosely over her left shoulder and her heels gave her and extra three inches in height.

She picked up her phone to send a quick text off to Brittany.

**Hey, baby. We're all waiting for you. You're going to love it! I can't wait to see you. Love you so sooooooo much! :* **

She made her way down the stairs to help with anything that may need finishing up. "Rachel!" she shouted through the now bustling living room to get the girls attention. A few of the cheerio's girls that Brittany and Santana had managed to stay in contact with since they had left school had turned up along with some family friends of Brittany's.

She made her way into the kitchen and marvelled at her work. The bright pink sponge cake was decorated with white icing with a picture of Brittany and Santana in their cheerio uniforms on riding on the back of a unicorn with a rainbow in the background. Yes, it did look like a three year olds birthday cake but she knew that Brittany would love it.

"It's great." Santana heard Rachel whisper from behind her and all she could do was nod. "Brittany's lucky to have a girlfriend like you."

Santana shook her head. "I'm the lucky one." She turned to face the smaller girl with sad eyes. "I don't know how I would've gotten through these past seven months without her." without another word been said, Rachel pulled Santana into a tight hug. It immediately made the Latina feel better. She had gotten used to hugging Rachel, she did give great hugs, not as good as Brittany's but they cheered her up anyway.

"I think that goes for her as well. You don't give yourself enough credit, Santana. You're an amazing girlfriend." They pulled away from each-other, Santana just nodded in response.

Santana's phone buzzed in between her boobs so she reached down and pulled it out to check the message.

_**I love you too! You're eyes are going to fall out of your head when you see me in this dress, you won't be able to keep your hands off of me! I might just sneak you upstairs… See you soon, sexy ;) xx**_

Santana couldn't suppress the devious grin that formed on her lips as she re-read the text; a light, almost invisible blush climbed its way up her neck and onto her cheeks. Santana knew Brittany was probably right, she wouldn't be able to keep her hands off of her girlfriend, especially after what happened this morning.

"What you grinning at, Lopez?" Pucks voice sounded from the other side of the kitchen. Santana looked up slowly, Rachel had gone… how long had she been staring at her phone for?

"Mind your own business, Noah." Santana snapped as she stormed past him.

"What'd I do?" he asked with a high pitched voice.

"Nothing. I just don't like you asking stupid questions like _that _when it's got nothing to do with you." She snapped back. There had always been something about the boy that had made her insides burn with annoyance and sometimes even rage. Just to look at him pissed her off she didn't even know why. Puck could be a nice guy sometimes, well, when he wanted to be.

Even though he had been her first and they could get on well together, she couldn't help but want to strangle him.

"Hey, wait. Can we talk?" he grabbed her forearm before she could disappear into the mass of dancing people. Santana snatched her arm back but nodded none the less.

"Sure…" Puck led Santana out into the back garden. The sun was still out and thankfully it was still warm but that didn't stop her from shivering and wrapping her arms around herself.

"Cold?" Puck asked softly, before Santana had a chance to answer he pulled off his leather jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"Thank you." She whispered softly. All of her earlier annoyance had quickly dissipated. "So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

Puck looked down at the ground; he wouldn't make eye contact with the Latina. There was so much he wanted to say, yet he couldn't find his words to say them. "Santana…" he paused. That's all he managed before his tears started to fall. He couldn't believe he was doing this, in front of Santana especially. He was a Puckerman for crying out loud! Puckerman's didn't cry.

"Puck…" Santana whispered out as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?" to this the man like this actually scared her, she had never once in her life seen him cry and they had known each other since they were six.

"You're the most amazing girl ever. You know that? I'm going to miss you so much. Even though we argued a lot, I still love you." He paused to take in Santana's shocked expression. "You were my first and probably my best friend in high school."

Well, this was news to her! "What about Finn?" Puck just shrugged with a chuckle.

"Nah, he's just a lame ass football player with no brain."

"You just pretty much summed yourself up in one there, Puckerman." Santana giggled as Puck punched her playfully.

"I just wanted you to know that I love you and that…" he stuttered slightly over his words. "I'm going to miss you, Tana… so much." another wave of tears began to fall, this time without a sound. Santana quickly reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face into his shoulder.

Before Santana had a chance to say anything back, the door burst open to reveal a frantic looking Rachel. Santana quickly pulled away. "You better come in quick…" she muttered before she spun round and made her way back inside. Santana looked to Puck who seemed just as confused as she was. She handed him back his jacket and hurried inside. Everyone was crowded in a circle around the front door, she could hear Rachel shouting over everyone else's voices and the music; they looked like they were trying to block someone from getting in…

Santana's heart stopped and anger burned through her when she saw who it was on the front porch.


	23. Chapter 23

Hey! Here's the next chapter, I am sorry for any mistakes, I haven't had a chance to read through since I wanted to get this chapter up as soon as possible because I'm going away tomorrow and wont have internet connection for a week! Sucks right? I will hopefully be able to write another chapter, maybe two while I'm away so we'll see how it goes. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter and I promise the next chapter after this will be happier then the recent ones!

See you all soon! Enjoy!

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Chapter 23

"You look so hot right now." Quinn gasped as she walked into the changing room of the shop they had decided to get ready in – obviously the shop assistants didn't know or they would have been thrown out by now – and helped Brittany to clip her hair up. The dark green dress she wore hugged her curves perfectly and made her blue eyes stand out amazingly against it. She really did look hot.

"Thanks, Q. You do too. We better hurry up though if we want to make it in time, I called my mom and she said she would come so I told her to be there for nine so we can tell everyone else before they arrive, that way there won't be any freak outs or anything like that." Brittany didn't know whether to smile about that or not, she did miss her parents, she was used to talking to them almost every day but she didn't know how to feel about them now after what had happened the last time she had seen them. There were parts of her that loved them so much for being her parents and being there for her through her life but then there was the part at the back of her mind that wanted to scream and punch them in the face so hard that they wouldn't be able to talk for a year… but yeah… she loved them.

"Well come on then, let's go!" Quinn cheered as she clutched Brittany by her hand and they raced out of the shop and towards the car. Brittany bounced up and down in her seat as the got closer and closer to the house. The anticipation was killing her, she couldn't wait to see everyone, she could wait to open gifts – granted she was a bit old for that kind of stuff now but who was judging? And she definitely couldn't wait to spend her birthday with her girlfriend. Her lips curled up into a small smile at the thought.

"What's got you all smug?" Quinn nudged Brittany's shoulder as they turned into Rachel's street. Brittany just shrugged as she looked out of the window.

"I'm just excit-" she didn't get a chance to finish that sentence… her voice caught in her throat and she felt like her lungs had begun to crush themselves inside of her chest. What were they doing here? They weren't meant to be here yet. This could not be happening.

As Quinn pulled to a stop in front of the Berry house, Brittany threw herself out of the door and sprinted as best as she could up to the front door of the house. She slammed threw the door and came to a sudden halt when she was met by the faces of everyone she had invited, including her parents.

"Thank god!" Santana shouted exasperatedly as she threw her hands in the air. "Britt, tell me what the hell your _parents_ are doing here?" Brittany looked around the room at everyone else; she could see the angry looks and knew that they had all been arguing… when Brittany didn't answer Santana gave her a confused look. "Britt?" she asked quietly.

"I invited them…" Brittany whispered. She looked down to the ground to avoid the angry and hurt gaze of her girlfriend.

"What?" Santana asked just loud enough for people to here but everyone could clearly hear the hurt sound in her voice. "Why didn't you tell me?" Brittany looked back up to see a light layer of tears filling her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Quinn just convinced me earlier and I was going to tell you before they got here but… they shouldn't be here _now. _They're early…" Brittany couldn't keep her own sadness out of her voice now; she hated being the cause of the Latina's tears. "I'm sorry." She whispered again.

Santana just shook her head and turned to walk through to the kitchen, leaving everyone else to get on with the party. "Alright everyone, there's nothing to see here." Quinn shouted as she turned to the stereo to turn up the music. "Let's have some fun!" She tried to get everyone's attention so that Brittany's parents weren't been stared at like they belonged in a freak show and twirled her girlfriend around before dancing along with everyone else to the music.

Brittany finally turned to her parents who were just standing there like nothing had just happened. "What the hell?" Brittany snapped. The anger in the back of her mind quickly pushed its way to the front to fuel her words. "I said nine! It's not even eight yet. I wanted to make sure my friends were okay with you being here before you arrived." The blonde shot her parents an icy glare.

"We wanted to surprise you; we didn't expect to be ambushed by a herd of sweaty teenagers." Her father mumbled as he sent an annoyed look over his shoulder at the rest of the party dancing. "I don't see why Santana got so upset about us being here though. She looked ready to kill." He turned back to his daughter and handed her a birthday card.

"Happy birthday, sweetie." Her mother pulled her into a hug but Brittany's body tensed at the touch. She quickly pulled away and gave her parents a bemused look. Why were they being so nice to her after the way they had acted the last time she had seen them? She really couldn't understand it. Maybe it was too soon to see them again, she was just so angry and if she wanted to have a civil conversation with them, then now wasn't the time.

"I'm going to go and check on Santana and make sure she hasn't broken anything… you stay here and talk to the Berry's." she pointed over to Rachel's parents who just stood there looking kind of uncomfortable where they were before she marched off towards her destination.

Santana slammed a dirty dish into the sink full of water causing it to splash down the front of her dress. "Fuck!" she spat out as she reached for a cloth to wipe it up. She didn't know why she was so angry, she just felt that she had a right to know considering the reason the blonde hadn't spoken to her parents in so long was fifty per cent her fault. It had also been her idea for the blonde to actually talk to her parents, she felt that she had a right to know and be there, with Brittany, holding her hand when she decided she was ready. But maybe the fact that she had so much on her mind anyway was affecting her hormones…

"San?" the soft voice came from no less than a couple of inches behind her. She jumped slightly at the closeness but instead of turning around to snap at the familiar voice, she leaned back and relaxed into the blonde's perfect body as she circled her arms around Santana's waist. All anger and annoyance quickly dissipated with Brittany's sweet touch. The Latina turned to face Brittany but quickly buried her face into the crook of her neck as a sudden and unexpected wave of tears shook through her body. "What's wrong baby? I'm sorry about not telling you about my-"

Santana shook her head to silence the blonde. "It's not that..." she paused to take in a deep breath to even out her sobs. "I don't even know why I'm angry; I don't know why I'm crying. I don't know anything anymore…" Brittany tightened her grip around the crying brunette and pulled her tighter to her chest.

"Baby, look at me." Brittany placed a finger under the girls chin so that they made eye contact. Piercing blue met chocolate brown as they drowned in each other's gazes. "Do you still love me?"

Santana's eyes widened like it was the most ludicrous question ever asked in the history of mankind. "Of course I do! Why would you ask me something like that?"

Brittany just smiled. "Then you do know something, you know you love me and I know I love you. What else matters as long as we have each other?" Brittany stated.

Santana knew that the blonde was right. Brittany saw the simplest things that the average human would just shrug off or ignore for being so blatantly obvious. She wouldn't see the negatives but only the positives; there was nothing bad in Brittany's mind, only good. It was one of the reasons Santana was so completely in love with this woman. "You're a genius, Brittany." Santana leaned up and pressed a loving kiss to blonde's lips as she entwined their fingers together by their sides. Brittany giggled as the corners of her lips turned up into a smile against Santana's. The Latina slid her hand into the long blonde locks and pulled her closer. "I love you."

Brittany's legs wobbled at Santana's words and had to press the Latina hard against the worktop to steady herself. "I love you too." She moaned into Santana's mouth and began to trail her hands up the Latina's thighs and firmly cupped her butt. Santana groaned in response to the blonde's words as her grip tightened around her neck.

"I need you." Santana moaned as her hips bucked roughly into Brittany's bare thigh that was wedged in between her own. "Now…" she grunted as Brittany began to respond to her words.

"Not here, anyone could walk in on us."

Santana shook her head however, "I can't wait any longer, please, Brittany." She bucked her hips harder into the blonde. Brittany pulled out of the kiss only to latch on to the Latina's pulse point causing Santana to moan loudly. That was all the conformation the Latina needed before she began to rapidly grind her core against Brittany. Loud moans filled the kitchen; they were so loud that it completely drowned out the sound of the music in the other room.

"Oh… Santana." Brittany's hips began to reciprocate the Latina's movements as an almost painful pounding surged her on.

"What the hell?" a voice from the doorway halted Brittany and Santana's actions. Brittany's head whipped around at the sound of her mother's voice. She felt the blood drain from her face, her whole body stiffened and a heavy lump formed in her throat.

"Mom…" she pulled away from Santana as she flattened out her dress and pulled it back down to cover her thighs.

"Are you two," Susan waved her hand from side to side in front of her daughter and Santana. "Dating?" she asked with a shocked but almost scared tone. Neither girl answered however, both too embarrassed and frozen to form words. Before anything else was said the older woman stormed out of the kitchen with a bright red face. It was hard to tell if she was angry or just embarrassed about what she had just walked in on.

"Mom, wait!" Brittany shouted as she raced out after her mother with Santana close behind her. They wound their way through the dancing people. Susan already stood next to Lucas as they both slid their arms into their jackets. "You can't leave yet, I haven't seen you in-"

Lucas held up a hand to silence his daughter, his face was contorted into a look of pure disgust. "Save it, Brittany. We don't want to hear it. You lied to us." his eyes flickered to the Latina just behind his daughter.

"No I never!" Brittany protested and took a step forward. "We weren't together the last time you saw us." She couldn't keep the pain from lacing her words, she didn't want her parents to hate her, she didn't want to watch them leave and never talk to her again just like Quinn's parents and Santana's mother had. She needed them. She still loved them and to her nothing would change that. "Why are you doing this?" she shouted as they walked down the garden towards their car.

Susan snapped around startling the blonde to a halt. "Because, Brittany, you are _choosing_ to live your life like this!" she pointed at the Latina who stood in the doorway of the house and then back to her daughter. "It's not right!" she quickly walked round to the passenger side of the car and climbed in before she slammed the door shut, the sound sent a harsh shiver down Brittany's spine. Just as Lucas was about to pull off into the road, Brittany lunged onto the hood of the car as tears poured from her eyes ruining her makeup, black streams of mascara trailed down her cheeks and dripped onto her chest. "Don't go please! You're my parents. I love you!" she all but screamed at the people sitting in the car but they both diverted their eyes.

"Get off Brittany. We don't want to hear anything else. Don't call us or try to contact us in anyway. Good bye." Lucas stated through his open window. Brittany shook her head furiously as the tears refused to come to a stop but was quickly pulled off the car by a firm pair of arms. She refused to stop protesting though, and kept kicking out wildly as she called after the car that was slowly disappearing down the street. She punched at the arms holding her, she begged for them to put her down but the hold around her didn't loosen.

"Don't go." She sobbed out.

She finally turned around to see Mike holding her up off the ground with Santana and Quinn by his side. "Put me down." She begged and looked Mike right in the eyes. No one could resist those eyes. He looked hesitant at first but when he knew that the car was completely out of sight he set her down. She stumbled slightly as she walked back up to the house followed by the tall boy, she ignored Santana and Quinn but when she felt a hand rest on her bicep she snatched it back and snapped, "Don't touch me! Don't talk to me. Just leave me alone." She diverted her eyes from her girlfriend who looked completely heart broken. There was too much anger raging through her body right now and she was scared that if she spoke to her girlfriend, she would say something she really would regret.

Santana did as she was told and took a step back and watched as Brittany cried her way back up to the house. "What can I do, Q?"

"Nothing, she just needs some space for now but she will definitely need you sooner or later, you're really all she has left, San." Quinn wrapped an arm around Santana's waist but Santana wouldn't move. She was frozen in her spot with what Quinn had just told her. She really was all that Brittany had left. Her parents had completely abandoned her and she didn't have any other siblings to turn to. So what was going to happen to the blonde when it was Santana's turn to leave her? How would Brittany last on her own?

Quinn stared at the Latina with curiosity. "San?" she asked softly not wanting to startle the girl from her weird trance like state.

"Swear to me, Quinn. Swear to me that you will look after Brittany." Quinn looked completely terrified by Santana's request, she couldn't move her mind seemed muddled by all the things she wanted to say and do. She wanted to tell Santana to stop being ridiculous and slap her silly. She wanted to shake her until she saw sense but nothing worked, her muscles had cramped. "I know I've asked you this before but that was just a precaution in case this really was going to happen. But we both know now what the inevitable will be. You said it yourself; I'm all she has left. Please. Quinn." Santana's voice was frantic now, her whole body shook and her hands gripped around Quinn's wrists. "Quinn!" Santana shouted when the blonde didn't answer her.

"Santana…" Quinn muttered, she didn't want to promise her this. She didn't want to admit that Santana was right. She didn't want to lose her best friend. When Santana shot her a stern look, Quinn quickly nodded her head. "I will, I won't let anyone hurt her, I'll make sure she stays safe and I promise that I will always be there for her, Santana. You can trust me." Both girls wanted to cry. They wanted to let all of their emotions just run free but it seemed lately that that's all anyone had been doing. They needed to stay strong. They both knew the end was coming and there was nothing they could do about that.

"Thank you." Santana pulled her best friend into a tight embrace. Quinn shivered as the cold began to get to her. "Come on, we need to get Britt's birthday cake sorted." Santana smiled and tugged Quinn up the pathway towards the house.

Brittany downed her fourth shot, she had stopped feeling the burning sensation in the back of her throat after her second and now she just felt numb. She had a half empty bottle of vodka in her empty hand and took sips of it in between her shots. Maybe if she got drunk she wouldn't have to feel the pain anymore. There was way too many emotions racing through her right now and all she wanted was a break from it all, she just wanted to have some fun. It was her birthday after all.

She pulled Rachel into the living room and began to dance with her. They giggled at each other and when the small brunette pulled faces, Brittany would break out into full on laughter, tears rolled down her cheeks and she would gasp for air. Rachel knew that this happiness was mainly supported by the alcohol but at least she wasn't heartbroken about her parents leaving her anymore.

Out of the corner of her eye, Brittany spotted her Latina walk in through the front door and quickly stumbled over to meet her. "I'm sorry, baby…" she slurred as she wrapped her arms around Santana's small frame. "I love you so much I didn't mean to snap at you before I just didn't want to say something stupid…" she paused to make sure what she was saying didn't sound completely ridiculous in her drunken state. "Come dance with me?" she pouted sweetly and batted her eyelashes.

Santana just chuckled and how adorable Brittany was being and pecked the blonde's lips sweetly. "You're very drunk." She stated the obvious while Brittany just rolled her eyes with a growing grin. "I can't, I have to go and sort something in the kitchen… I'll be right back I promise." She added quickly and guided Brittany back over to where Rachel was standing with Kurt and Blaine. "Keep an eye on her, Berry." She ordered before racing off to the kitchen to light the candles on the cake.

Brittany had somehow managed to find herself a beer and was taking regular swigs as she danced with Blaine but when the lights suddenly witched off and the room was engulfed into complete darkness, it dropped to the ground and a scared squeak came from the blonde's lips. Blaine slipped his hand into hers to reassure her and she squeezed it tightly back. The whole room erupted into a chorus of _Happy Birthday, _Rachel's voice was louder than the rest and she sang like her life depended on it. Brittany just rolled her eyes but smiled none the less but she could practically feel the irritation radiate off some of her ex school friends.

Her eyes immediately zoned in on her girlfriend who was carrying a cake out through the door with Quinn following behind her, both of them wore beaming smiles. A candle shaped like the number twenty was lit in the centre of the cake with five or so around the edge. Brittany's smile grew by one hundred per cent as she saw the picture that was carefully designed on the top with icing. "Babe…" she giggled knowing fine well that the Latina had made this herself. All off the negative emotions Brittany's mind was harbouring were soon forgotten when a proud smile formed on Santana's lips and she mouthed the words _'I hope you like it' _with a shy but flirtatious wink to the blonde.

"I love you, Brittany. Now blow out the candles and make a wish." Everyone clapped and cheered as Brittany leaned forward to blow out the candles. She closed her eyes tightly shut.

_I wish I could spend the rest of my life with Santana by my side._

She thought as every candle flickered out with one blow and little streams of smoke rose up into the already clammy room. Quinn took the cake from Santana's hands and carried it back into the kitchen. The Latina took a couple of steps forward and tightly wrapped her arms around Brittany's neck so she could pull the blonde forward to press their lips firmly together. "Happy birthday, baby. I love you so much." She mumbled, not removing her lips from Brittany's.

"I love you so much more." Brittany replied as she began to sway their bodies back and forth in time to the music. Neither Santana nor Brittany could hear or see anything or anyone but each other. No one else mattered, not when all they needed and wanted was standing in their arms. "Best birthday ever." Brittany managed to slur out into Santana's ear.

"Really? Even after what happened before." Santana asked with a raised eyebrow.

"That doesn't matter now, I have all my friends surrounding me and all I need is you, which I do, so that makes me happy. I would have even been happy if we had spent today wrapped up in bed together because anywhere with you is perfect." Brittany smiled sweetly down at the Latina in her arms; she meant every word of what she had just said even through her drunken haze. She rubbed their noses together sweetly before crushing their lips together in a hungry kiss.

"How's about we take this upstairs?" Santana husked into Brittany's mouth. Brittany didn't have to give an answer; she just let the Latina drag her out the door and up the stairs and towards their bedroom. She was in for a night of crazy hot birthday sex and everyone knows birthday sex is the best…


	24. Chapter 24

I'm back! You guys missed me? I can't believe what I came home to, Hemo's pregnant... no chance of Brittana getting back together. My heart has shattered into a million tiny pieces. I had a good idea for another fic but I dont know if I could write it...

Anyway, here's chapter 24! one more chapter after this and then it's the end of part one!

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Chapter 24

"_Fuck_!" Brittany screamed out once more as she was slammed hard against the headboard which clattered loudly against the wall, her legs were wrapped securely around Santana's waist and her teeth were sinking into the skin of the Latina's shoulder. Everything felt so intense; stars had begun erupting in front of her eyes just after she was hit with her third orgasm and they still hadn't faded away… this could have been her tenth for all she knew, she'd lost count long ago.

Birthday sex was bar far the best kind of sex ever.

The blonde was just thankful that the music downstairs was loud enough to drown out the sound of her constant moaning and screaming. At first she had tried hard to hold back the sounds of her pleasure but after a while she gave up on trying to care about her friends hearing her scream out Santana's name over and over again until it became the only word she could form in her mouth.

Santana refused to stop the pumping movement of her hand and somehow managed to keep up a relentless pace. Even with the burning in her arm, hips and chest there would be no way she would stop since Brittany was having orgasm after orgasm and just hearing her own name leave the blonde's lips was doing amazing things to her body. But tonight was Brittany's night, it was her birthday after all, so Santana would do everything she could to make it a memorable one for all the right reasons.

Sweat was pouring off both of the girl's bodies. Their heavy breaths were mixing together in front of their faces as Santana trailed lazy kisses over every inch of Brittany's face. "I… Love… You..." The Latina panted out as she curled her fingers to reach her sweet spot inside of her girlfriend.

Brittany's fingers dug into the skin of Santana's neck as she screeched out and bucked her hips hard into the fingers inside of her over and over again until she couldn't move her body. Her muscles were aching so bad that she wouldn't have been surprised if she couldn't walk for the rest of her life but the thing was, she didn't even care because she felt so good as if she were on cloud nine.

Santana began to pump her fingers again but Brittany couldn't take it anymore, she knew if she had to go through this pure euphoric agony one more time she would probable explode. She lifted a shaky hand and wrapped her fingers around Santana's wrist to still her movements as she did her best to stutter out a breathless _no. _Santana's body collapsed down on top of Brittany's as she tried desperately to catch her breath. All that could be heard inside of their bedroom was the sound of ragged pants and probably the sound hearts pounding against rib cages like drums. Santana slowly slipped her fingers out of the blonde's body causing Brittany to shudder and let out a soft squeak.

Santana knew that doing that to the blonde for so long wasn't the best of idea's considering the state her heart was in at the moment and she had been pretty reckless about her health lately, but who could deny the blonde anything when she was so amazingly cute and gorgeous and just everything Santana loved. She wanted Brittany to feel good, especially after what had just happened with her parents.

"Best… Birthday… ever…" Brittany managed to say even though it took most of her energy to do so.

Santana just chuckled and planted a shaky kiss onto the blonde's lips and held it for a moment before she collapsed down onto her back with a breathy chuckle. She laced her fingers with Brittany's - both their hands were clammy with sweat - and gave her a squeeze. "Do you want to go back down?" Santana whispered into the crook of Brittany's neck.

Brittany just shook her head, turned onto her side and then wrapped her arm around Santana's waist protectively as she pulled the Latina's body up against her own. "I want to stay here with you," Brittany paused to plant a kiss on her cheek. "Forever."

Santana felt a shiver run down her spine and then her stomach do flips at Brittany's words. She wanted to more than anything to lay here with Brittany forever. She wanted to tell her so. But she couldn't form the words in her mouth. She wouldn't let herself lie to the blonde when she knew they didn't have forever to be with each other. Not with the way her heart was acting up. So instead, she turned to Brittany and pressed a loving kiss on her lips and looked deep into her baby blue orbs.

"I love you, Santana." Brittany mumbled lazily, her eyes flickered closed as sleep began to take over her body. Santana pulled the blonde's head down to her chest and racked her fingers through her long blonde locks.

Santana lay in silence as she waited for the blonde's breathing to even out before she finally replied. "I love you too, Brittany. More than you could ever imagine." She looked down at the top of Brittany's head and planted a soft his there. "Happy birthday, baby."

A couple of hours had passed and Santana still hadn't found sleep. The music down stairs had come to a stop about half an hour ago and the only noises that could be heard were the quiet mumbles of the Berry men cleaning up. Santana almost felt bad for not helping them but the aching in her chest and the tingling in her arms had her full concentration. She knew this wasn't good and she knew it was her fault it was happening. She'd thought that maybe after a while the pain would have died down but it hadn't and was slowly getting painfully worse. She wasn't going to lie and say she wasn't bothered by it, because she was, she was fucking terrified about dying.

She cringed at the thought of dying that night, beneath Brittany, in the same house as her best friends.

No.

She couldn't let that happen.

She quickly slipped her way out of the bed and held in a breath as she waited for the blonde to wake up. Brittany flipped over and lay face down in the spot that Santana had just been occupying and let out a grumble but thankfully stayed fast asleep. Santana wandered through to the bathroom on unsteady legs and quickly pulled out a strip of pills from her wash bag. She couldn't bear to look herself over in the mirror; she knew that all she would see was a pail chalky mess.

She placed two pills into her mouth and swallowed quickly then turned the tap on to gulp down a few mouthfuls of cool water. She gripped the edges of the sink, the water felt icy against her insides as it slipped down into her stomach.

She gave herself one final shake before turning back to climb into bed with Brittany. Maybe if she got a goodnight sleep she would feel better in the morning. After all she had a whole day planned out for the four of them.

"I thought if we left Lima it would mean I wouldn't have to see this place again." Quinn mumbled as they walked through the halls of McKinley High School.

"Oh shut up, Q." Santana snapped as she trailed her fingers down the red lockers she had once seen every day. She hated to admit it, but she actually missed this place. "I wanted to tell you guys something, something that I couldn't put into words so I thought about how we used to do this kind of thing in high school… sing." Santana explained as they walked into the choir room.

Rachel, Brittany and Quinn just shot the Latina a confused look before taking a seat in the chairs as Santana pulled out two stools at the front of the room. Everything looked the same. Nothing had been changed; even the chairs were still in the same position from when they had last seen them.

"So, last night I got talking to Mr Shue…" as if on cue, the said man walked in through the side door holding a ukulele. He took a seat on the stool next to Santana. "And I persuaded him to help me out, only because he's the only person I know who can play a ukulele." She winked at the man next to her and patted him on his arm. "Whatever though, thank you Mr Shue for doing this for me."

"It's my pleasure, Santana." He grinned and positioned the instrument in his lap.

"Okay, so you guys listen." Santana pointed towards the three girls sitting in fort of her but began to shift awkwardly on her stool. She didn't know how this song was going to go down with the other girls. She didn't even know if she would be able to keep singing it knowing the meaning behind its words. "Just know I love you all." And with that Mr Shue started to play, Santana breathed in a single shaky breath and let the lyrics pour from her lips.

_And I came home_

_Like a stone_

_And I fell heavy into your arms_

_These days of darkness_

_Which we've known_

_Will blow away with this new sun_

Santana's eyes had drifted up towards Brittany's eyes somewhere in the middle of the first verse and she refused to look anywhere else. The blue of her eyes were soothing the angry butterflies in her stomach and reduced them to a slight tingle. Images of the time when she first found out about her heart problem flashed through her mind, when she was laying in Brittany's arms as she plantes kisses all along her neck... The thought made tingles form where the ghost of her lips had been.

_And I'll kneel down_

_Wait for now_

_And I'll kneel down _

_Know my ground_

Brittany's heart sped up in her chest, it beat harder and harder each time a word left Santana's mouth. She couldn't believe that she was singing this song to her; she couldn't believe any of this. It was all getting too much for her to comprehend. Her vision began to blur and soon enough everything around her was a cloudy mess.

_And I will wait, I will wait for you_

_And I will wait, I will wait for you_

Santana's heart wrenched at the sight of the blonde. She knew what she was singing was hurting her but she kept on singing. She kept her eyes glued to Brittany as her own tears began to fall down her cheeks.

_So break my step_

_And relent_

_You forgave and I won't forget_

_Know what we've seen _

_And him with less_

_Now in some way_

_Shake the excess_

Santana let her eyes flicker over to the other two girls sitting with Brittany but quickly shut them tightly to block out the image of her best friend crying hysterically into Rachel's shoulder. Her whole body was shuddering like a crazy mess and showed no sign of stopping.

_But I will wait, I will wait for you_

_And I will wait, I will wait for you_

_And I will wait, I will wait for you_

_And I will wait, I will wait for you_

Santana could feel her voice beginning to break, it felt like there was a stone in her throat and it was getting bigger and bigger but she kept herself together… she would try as hard as she possibly could to keep herself from breaking in front of these people.

_So I'll be bold _

_As well as strong_

_And use my head alongside my heart_

_So tame my flesh_

_And fix my eyes _

_That tethered mind free from the lies_

Santana's hands were shaking now and her emotions were evident in her voice as she sang causing it to waver every now and then. She kept her eyes closed so that she wouldn't break at the sight of her loved ones. Even Mr Shue's playing had begun to falter. A sob broke through her lips halting her singing. She heaved in a couple of deep breaths and shook her head to calm herself down. She quickly tapped Mr Shue to signal him to carry on playing and that she was okay to carry on.

Santana carefully stood up and walked up to her girlfriend. Her tears were making her cheeks sticky and she could barely make out the figures in front of her. But as she got closer to Brittany, the blonde reached her hand out to lace her fingers with Santana's. With her spare hand she reached up and wiped the salty tears from the Latina's face and looked deeply into her eyes. And in that single look, Santana knew that Brittany understood. She understood that Santana knew she was going to die and she knew that was practically nothing anyone could do about it. This was Santana saying her goodbyes.

'_Cause I will wait, I will wait for you_

_And I will wait, I will wait for you_

_And I will wait, I will wait for you_

_And I will wait, I will wait for you_

As the song came to an end, Brittany jumped to her feet and cupped Santana's cheeks in both of her hands. She pressed her forehead against the Latina's and nodded, she didn't have to say anything or do anything but leaned forward and captured Santana's lips in a warm kiss. "I love you so much." She mumbled out but it was almost too muffled in a sob to be understood. Santana couldn't find her words to speak so just reattached their lips together and hoped that would convey all of her feelings for the blonde to understand.

Quinn, Rachel and Mr Shue stood just behind them next to the piano; they were all struggling to hold back their tears but Quinn was by far the worst. She clung to Rachel's jacket and sobbed madly into her chest and every now and then she would stutter out incoherent words that didn't make sense. Rachel just held on tight and refused to let go. She hated seeing her girlfriend look so broken. Quinn barely ever cried, that was until they found out about Santana dying, she had been crying a lot lately and Rachel had never seen her this bad since the first time she opened up to her about Beth.

"Maybe it was time I left…" Mr Shue whispered softly to Rachel as to not ruin any moments between the girls. Rachel just nodded and gave him a weak smile as the man left.

"Are you okay sweetie?" Rachel asked the broken blonde in her arms.

"I'm just really going to miss her, you know? She's my best friend. She's just always been around… it's going to be wrong her not being there with her snide comments and witty comebacks." Quinn let out a pathetic chuckle as she thought about all the slams Santana would blurt out without even having to think about them. "I don't want her to die."

"I know, I know… I don't either." And it was the truth. Rachel would miss the Latina, even with all the things Santana had put her through in high school she had turned out to be a really good friend in the end and the diva couldn't have asked for more. "But we have to stay strong for Santana. Just for a little while longer." Quinn just nodded weakly against her shoulder. Rachel looked over to where Santana and Brittany were stood; they were completely wrapped up in each other's arms as Brittany silently sobbed into the crook of Santana's neck. It was more than obvious that Santana was trying hard to keep up tough facade but as Rachel met the Latina's eyes she could see every ounce of pain that was raging through her insides.

Santana offered Rachel a small smile as she whispered 'I love you' and 'please don't forget about me' into Brittany's ear. Brittany pulled away with a shocked look on her face.

"I would never forget about you, Santana. Never." Brittany shook her head incredulously and refused to break eye contact with her girlfriend. "You hear me?" Santana just nodded before closing her eyes and planting a kiss on Brittany's cheek. Could she really believe the blonde's words though? Maybe the blonde believed her own words now but what would happen when someone else came along? Someone like Kristen…

"I love you, Britt-Britt." It was the only thing Santana trusted herself to say without breaking down into a sobbing mess on the choir room floor.

Later that day as the air began to get considerably colder and the sun was getting ready to set in the horizon, Santana drove the four of them over to the old water tower with a picnic in the back of her car and a couple of blankets. She had persuaded the Berry men to go and sat up a camp fire for them while they were all at the school so that it would take less time to get everything sorted. She just hoped that her friends and her girlfriend liked it…

Santana pulled up in front of the path at the bottom of the hill, the rusted water tower casted a shadow over them as the sun shone warmly behind it. Santana quickly jumped out of the car and opened up the back to pull out the picnic basket. "Do you want me to get that?" Quinn asked the Latina as they opened the back doors for their girlfriends.

"Sure, thanks." Santana handed it over with a smile and began to make her way over to the path when she was stopped by a hand around her wrist. She twisted on her heels and was met by the ocean blue eyes of Brittany. The blonde pulled her closer and circled her hands around Santana waist, the Latina couldn't suppress the giggle that escaped her lips as Brittany began to kiss and nibble at her neck. "Britt…" she squeaked out, her hands tangled into the front of the blonde's jacket.

Brittany pulled away causing Santana to grunt in protest but just as she was about to pull her back in for a kiss, the blonde turned and crouched down slightly. "Jump on." Santana looked at Brittany confused for a moment but then hesitantly took a few steps forward before jumping onto the blonde's back, her legs wrapped tightly around her waist and her around her shoulders. Brittany hooked her hands under the Latina's thighs and pulled her closer to make sure that she wouldn't fall off. Santana buried her face into the crook of the blonde's neck and inhaled the sweet scent of her girlfriend. "Holding tight?" Brittany asked.

Santana mumbled a quick yes but tightened her grip for safe measures. Brittany suddenly launched off up the pathway in a sprint causing Santana to let out a loud squeal. They over took Quinn and Rachel who were already halfway up and just giggled as they saw Santana bouncing up and down on Brittany's back. "Br-ii-it-tan-yy" Santana screamed out in a jerky voice as her body bumped with each step the blonde took. Brittany just giggled as they reached the top of the hill and set the Latina down on shaky legs with a pale face. "Are you trying to kill me?" Santana asked incredulously.

Brittany shook her head with an innocent smile and pulled her girlfriend in for a sweet kiss. Santana moaned and tangled her fingers in long blonde locks as she slipped her tongue into Brittany's mouth. Brittany's fingers began to play with the hem of Santana's sweater and lightly brushed against smooth caramel skin.

They broke apart when Quinn cleared her throat from behind them. "As much as I love you two, I really don't want to have to watch you suck face…" she chuckled as she placed the basket down in the grass beside the unlit fire and flapped the blanket around to straighten it out on the grass next to one of the metal legs of the water tower. "Hurry up, San. I'm cold." Quinn shivered and pointed to the fire as she buried herself beneath Rachel's outstretched arm.

Santana just rolled her eyes and pulled a lighter out from her pocket getting a few strange looks from the other girls. "Relax, I got Leroy to buy me it yesterday. It's not mine." She reassured the girls causing them to relax slightly as a comfortable silence passes over them.

"I didn't quite understand why you three used to like coming here in high school…" Rachel breaks the silence. "It didn't seem very appealing to camp out in the cold. But now that I'm finally here, I think I may understand." She nodded her head out towards the distance where the sun was now setting; it painted the sky a perfect orange as a deep purple-pink colour began to bleed into the horizon. "It's beautiful up here." She ended with a content sigh.

Santana relaxes down in between Brittany's legs when she had finally got the fire going and smiled widely as the blonde unzipped her jacket and wrapped them both up inside of it. "Stay warm, baby." Brittany mumbled into Santana's ear causing the Latina to shudder as the blonde's warm breath caressed her skin. Brittany relaxed against the leg of the water tower and pulled Santana with her. "I've missed this so much." Brittany said loud enough for everyone to hear.

Quinn nodded her head in agreement. "Me too, it feel like it's been forever since we were last here… it will probably be the last time we're all here together…" the blonde muttered under her breath but the others all heard what she said.

Santana felt Brittany's arm tense around her waist and her head shake _no _at Quinn's words. She knew it hurt the blonde to listen to this kind of stuff; she would always get upset or walk out of the room when Santana and her father would be talking about the future. She just didn't want to think about a life without Santana.

The Latina stroked the pad of her thumb gently over Brittany's hand to sooth her, the blonde's arms tightened even more as she began to pepper Santana's neck with soft kisses. "Please don't leave me…" she heard Brittany whisper almost silently into her ear. A painful shock shoots its way through her stomach and up to her chest as she took in the blonde's words. She couldn't hold back the tear that trickled down her cheek, Brittany quickly leaned round and kissed it away before it could reach Santana's chin.

Santana had been thinking a lot lately about how Brittany was going to react when Santana died, a lot more than she usually did, she had even spent the best part of her day thinking about it. Maybe it was because she knew her time was coming sooner than it was meant to, but she was prepared to die. She was terrified, but she was prepared. Brittany had told Santana that she would be able to cope when Santana wouldn't be here anymore but really, both girls knew she wouldn't and that was becoming more evident with each day. It was a hell of a lot easier for the blonde to get upset over things and sometimes she would even lash out. Santana knew that was down to her.

Maybe it had been the wrong thing to do, the two of them getting together. Santana didn't regret it, she never would but she couldn't help but feel the pain when she thought about leaving the blonde so heart broken.

"Santana?" Quinn's voice pulled the Latina from her thoughts and back to reality. Santana shook her head to clear the haziness and arched an eyebrow at the blonde sitting across from her. "I said do you want one?" she was holding out a neatly wrapped sandwich in foil in front of her. However, Santana just shook her head and buried herself into Brittany's chest. She suddenly didn't feel very hungry anymore.

"Are you okay, baby?" Brittany asked the Latina with a concerned look.

"Yeah, I just don't feel very hungry… I had a big dinner." She lied. Brittany gave her a confused look, they had had lunch together and Santana had barely eaten anything then either. But instead of questioning her, she just nodded her head and buried her face deep into the crook of Santana's neck. There was obviously something troubling the Latina but maybe it was best not to say anything until they were alone.

A couple of minutes past and all four girls found themselves lying flat out on their backs and looked up at the pitch black sky that was scattered with tiny white stars that seemed to multiply as she stared deeper. Santana smiled softly to herself, she was thankful she would get to see the stars like this one final time before she died. They flickered and twinkled and Santana began to feel herself slowly being hypnotised by how beautiful they were.

Suddenly, a shooting star fired across the sky causing the girls to gasp out in amazement. "Quick! San, make a wish!" Brittany grabbed Santana's arm in excitement and bounced up and down in her spot. Santana giggled at the blonde's eagerness and rolled her eyes playfully.

"Okay, okay." Santana closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.

_I wish… I wish that Brittany won't be heart broken when I die._

"What did you wish for?" Brittany asked with wide eyes when Santana finally looked up to the other girls.

"I can't tell you that, if I do it won't come true." Santana giggled as she tapped her finger against Brittany's nose then leaned in to kiss away her pout that had formed on the blonde's lips at Santana's answer. Brittany shivered when a sudden gust of wind swept over the hill top. "Do you want to head home?" Santana asked the others who all nodded eagerly and began to pack their things away. "Thank you guys for coming here tonight."

Quinn, Rachel and Brittany all rushed over to Santana and enveloped her into a bone crushing hug. "We love you; of course we would come here." Rachel said matter of fact as the two blonde's nodded along in agreement. They pulled out of their group hug and made their way back down to Santana's parked car where they all climbed in and relaxed as heat filled the space around them.

Santana turned the radio on but turned it down so that it was just a comfortable background noise amongst the silence inside of the car. They drove along the country roads, the only light eliminating the way ahead came from the headlights of Santana's mustang. She looked up at her rear-view mirror and smirked at the sight of Quinn's head resting in Rachel's lap as they slept soundly. It had been a long day and Santana couldn't blame the couple for falling asleep, she was actually surprised they had lasted so long.

"I've missed you." Brittany's voice caused the Latina's eyes to flicker from over to the sleepy blonde sitting next to her and sent her a confused look. Brittany reached over and placed her hand on Santana's thigh. "Well it just feels like we haven't seen each other in a while since I started working… I just really miss you." Brittany explained.

"I've missed you too, Britt-Britt." Santana risked a glance at her girlfriend before turning back to focus on the road ahead. It would take about twenty minutes for them to drive home but when they were younger they would cut through fields and jump over fences so that time would be halved. "But I've had a really nice week with you." The Latina reached down and placed her hand on top of Brittany's and gave it a soft squeeze.

"It felt good, just been able to lie in bed with you and do nothing, just the two of us." Brittany began to draw lazy circles on the inside of Santana's thigh as she spoke quietly into the Latina's ear. Her breath grazed over the Latina's skin and caused her eyes to roll back into her head. "I don't want to go home because then I'll have to go back to work and it'll go back to how it was." She pulled her hands back into her lap and stared down at them sadly. "I don't like being away from you, especially after what's being going on lately."

"What do you mean?" Santana asked with a raised eyebrow, she kept her eyes glued to the toad though.

"I know you've been getting worse. And I know you've been trying to act like everything's okay, but I know it's not." She reached back over and laced her fingers with Santana's and began to rub her thumb back and forth over hers. "I just don't want to be away from you right now."

"Brittany… you don't need to worry about me okay? I'm going to be fine. I don't want you putting your whole life on hold because of me, soon enough I'm not going to-" she paused and frowned at her own words. "You will have to move on after me, Brittany and you will need a life to do that. So putting it on hold now won't do you any good." Santana stopped at some red lights and turned to face Brittany.

"I don't care about my life after you. I just want to spend as much time with you as I possibly can. I love you, more than anything. So when we get home, I'm going to call Kristen and tell her I'm quitting." She said matter of fact as she leaned in towards Santana to kiss her but frowned when the Latina turned her head.

"Brittany." Santana shook her head. She could feel the tears building behind her eyes and her throat felt like it was closing up. "You can't. You need to work."

"No. You can't tell me what to do, San. I'm telling Kristen and that's final. I'm not leaving you alone when you're getting worse." She said with a stern voice.

Santana turned back to look at Brittany with dark, lust filled eyes and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. "Are you insisting?" Brittany just nodded with a slightly confused look. "You have no idea how much you turn me on when you act like this…" she husked as she placed her hand on the back of the blonde's neck and pulled her forward into a hungry kiss. Their tongues battled and fought for dominance, Santana's fingers tangled in blonde locks as Brittany tugged furiously at the hem of the Latina's sweater.

They were suddenly pulled apart when a loud irritating drone came from the car behind them followed by what sounded like, "Fucking move." Santana looked out the window to see the lights had turned green and put her foot down before quickly sticking her middle finger out of the window. She chuckled to herself when the lights turned back to red before the other car could even move; the man in the car slammed his fists down on the wheel causing the horn to blare through the street.

"If you keep touching me like that we're going to crash." Santana slapped Brittany's hands away from undoing the buttons of her jeans but she couldn't keep the pleasure from lacing her words.

"Well hurry up 'coz I don't know how long I can keep my hands off you." Brittany giggled but squealed when the car lurched forward and turned down the road towards the Berry's house. "Will I get a chance to say thank you for my birthday sex?" The blonde asked innocently.

"Oh god yes." Santana clamped her legs shut to ease the furious throbbing between her thighs as images of what her night would consist of.


	25. Chapter 25

Oh god. This chapter nearly killed me to write! i hope you all like it! longest one yet!

* * *

Chapter 25

Santana sighed and rolled her eyes irritated by the lack of progress they were making. She shifted herself to spread her body weight across the top of the case as Brittany yanked and tugged desperately at the zip. "It's no use. We've been at this for an hour… It's like everything has multiplied, I'm sure we didn't bring this much stuff." Santana huffed causing a piece of hair to flap around aimlessly in front of her face. She collapsed down onto her back and sprawled her arms and legs over the sides of the case. "It's not going to work."

"Stop being so negative." Brittany slapped the top of Santana's thigh while she carried on trying to zip up the case. It was Brittany's turn to huff when the zip didn't even budge the slightest. Santana smirked down at her with a look that said 'told you so.' The blonde just rolled her eyes and climbed up onto the case and straddled Santana's lap.

"Err, Britt? What are you doing?" Santana asked awkwardly. As much as she loved having sex with the blonde, now was not the time, Quinn and Rachel were in the room next door and the Berry men were just down stairs in the kitchen.

"We need to get this zipped up or we're going to be late." Brittany explained.

"How does you straddling me help us zip this up?" she patted the case with her hand as she looked up at Brittany with a curious look.

The blonde just grinned mischievously down at her girlfriend before tipping her head back, took in a deep breath and, "Quinn! Rachel!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. Santana flinched and covered her ears at the sound.

The sound of feet scrambling across hard wood floor could be heard outside of Santana and Brittany's room, the sound got louder as the girls got closer. "What's happened? What's wrong?" The bedroom door was barely open before Quinn had rushed out her questions. The blonde stood still for a moment as she took in the two girl's position on top of their suitcase; Brittany was smiling back at her with puppy dog eyes. Quinn stood up a little straighter and placed her hands on her hips, a slight scowl began to form on her face.

"We need help…" Santana mumbled as she turned away from the two girls in the doorway. She was never one to admit she needed help but she really didn't have an option when she had Brittany on top of her like this.

"Please, Quinn?" Brittany's bottom lip jutted to form a pout and she widened her eyes to make herself look like a sad puppy. Quinn's expression immediately softened and her arms fell limply to her sides.

"Fine," she said exasperatedly, "But you have to stop doing that look, no one can resist it."

"Don't we all know it?" Santana sighed from beneath Brittany but couldn't help the smile from curling the corners of her lips. Quinn and Rachel quickly climbed up, the three girls spread out evenly out on top of the Latina causing weird grunting noises to come from Santana. "Hurry up, I can't breathe." Brittany giggled and leaned over the Latina to reach for the zip and quickly heaved it around the case. She grinned in triumph when she reached the other side.

"We did it!" she cheered as she held her arms up in the air. Santana leaned up and high fived the girls before planting a kiss on the blonde's lips. As she pulled away she saw a slight pout begin to form.

"What's wrong, baby?" she asked with a furrowed brow.

Brittany shrugged slightly but ducked her head to avoid eye contact. "I just don't want to go back home…" she whispered barely audible. Santana's lips turned up into their own pout as she leaned up causing Quinn and Rachel to fall to the floor.

"Everything will be fine." Santana cupped both of Brittany's cheeks and brought her face down to meet her own, she gently played with the blonde wisps of hair that had escaped the messy bun on the top of Brittany's head. "I promise." Brittany just nodded sadly before standing up and walking out of the room. Rachel just stared at Quinn confused as Santana looked longingly at the now closed door; she willed it to open, for the blonde to come back in happy and cheerful. She peered down miserably at her clasped hands in her lap; she knew that wasn't going to happen. "I hate this." Santana said more to herself than anyone else but Quinn still replied.

"She's finding this whole thing just as hard as you are. She's worked out that you're getting worse, we all have." Quinn paused to stand up and walked over to Santana's side, slowly followed by Rachel who sat on the opposite side. "She hates that she can't do anything to help you. We don't like seeing you so vulnerable."

Santana felt a sudden bubbled of anger rise within her, she didn't know where it came from or why it was there but she couldn't stop it from working its way up and passed her lips. "How would you know that, Quinn? How would you know what she's thinking?" she snapped causing the two girls to jump slightly.

Quinn held a stern look on her face, she refused to back down. "She told me, Santana. Last week while you were getting you were nearly dying in bed," she knew it was a slight over exaggeration but she didn't care, the Latina was frustrating the hell out of her. "She came to me crying her eyes out. She doesn't want to get her heart broken; she's scared of how much it's going to hurt her. She doesn't want to lose you." The blonde snapped back just as harshly as Santana had.

Santana flinched at Quinn's words. She could felt the sharp pain in her gut. She knew Brittany was upset about the whole situation, she knew that she was finding it hard to deal with it but she didn't know how much it was actually hurting her. "Why didn't she tell me?" Santana's voice was almost childlike and barely above a whisper.

Quinn sighed and let her body relax as she leaned into the Latina and wrapped her arm around her waist. "She knows how you feel about breaking her heart and she didn't want to get you upset when you weren't exactly healthy enough to be thinking about that sort of stuff."

Santana could feel the sting of tears behind her eyes and willed them to stay hidden. She didn't want to show how vulnerable and depressed she was feeling. She kept her head down and her eyes locked onto her hands. "I don't want to break her heart."

"I know you don't, but that's going to be inevitable. The best thing you can do now is just try to stay healthy, for her." Quinn soothed as she stroked her hand up Santana's back.

"I'm just sick of worrying all the time or always having to watch what I eat and drink. I just want to be able to eat a really fatty burger that's dripping in grease and not have to worry about it killing me!" Quinn pulled her closer but didn't say anything. What could she say that would make Santana feel better?

Santana slouched back into her seat with her arms crossed and huffed out an irritated breath. She lifted her legs up to rest on top of the dashboard as she slipped on her Aviators and wound down the window to get some air into the car. She was still annoyed that Brittany wouldn't let her drive them all home; she had begged and begged for an hour until she started to get pissed off. She _never _let other people drive her car and the fact that Brittany was the only one she trusted to touch the steering wheel couldn't even drive without crashing at least once, that left Quinn and Rachel. As much as she loved Quinn, she was a very angry driver and no way did she trust her driving her baby. Granted, the last time was an emergency and she could let it slide but never again would that woman drive this car. That left Rachel… Santana turned in her seat to look at the dive sitting next to her. She had to holdback a snort when she looked at how fast they were actually driving.

"I know I was worried about these two crashing," Santana pointed her thumb back at the two blondes sitting behind them. "But come on, Berry. You're like twenty under the speed limit." Santana sighed and rolled her eyes.

Rachel risked a glance in the Latina's direction before quickly snapping her eyes back to the road. "I'm sorry, Santana. I just prefer to be on the safe side, I don't intend on crashing or killing us all, I'm just keeping us safe." Rachel explained causing a round of giggles to emanate from the back seats. Santana looked up into the rear-view mirror and shot the girls a glare. "Just because I don't share your taste in dare devilness, does not mean we can't have fun! How about a game?" Rachel questioned with a hopeful look.

"Oh dear god, No!" Santana moaned as she had her face in the palm of her hand. She reached out and turned the volume up on the radio, she ignored the look Rachel sent her way and instead turned to stare out of the window.

She watched as the landscape began to change, the sun got higher in the sky and the rain began to fall but none of it was actually being _seen _by the brunette, she was too busy thinking about what Quinn had told her earlier that morning. She couldn't stop her eyes from flickering over to the mirror and staring back at the blonde who had an unreadable expression on her face. She was staring out of the window just like Santana had been seconds before; the Latina swore she saw something like sadness or anger flicker through the perfect blue of Brittany's eyes causing Santana to frown slightly. She carried on watching the blonde for a moment as sucked in her bottom lip and began to fiddle with her hands. Santana was about to turn round and ask if she was okay when a pain shot through her chest causing her to gasp loudly and back into her seat slightly.

Rachel's head spun round to look at the Latina and she could feel the other girl's eyes on her as well. "What's wrong?" the diva asked curiously with an arched eyebrow.

"Err…" Santana considered telling the girls but then thought back again to what Quinn had told her this morning. "I'm just cold." Santana pretended to shiver and looked back out of the window to avoid eye contact. She couldn't upset the blonde anymore, it wasn't fair on her.

She just hoped the girls couldn't tell she was lying. She was thankful that she had chosen to wear her Aviators because she could feel the sting of tear building in the corners of her eyes from the pain in her chest. She brought her hand up to rub her chest as if it would ease the pain but this had happened so many times that she already knew it wouldn't. Suddenly, everything began to spin and she felt the sting of bile rise up her throat, she knew what was coming and she needed to get out of the car _now. _Her hands were shaking and she was pretty sure that if she tried to walk to her legs would most likely be like jelly.

She looked out of the front window and saw a gas station in the distance. "Pull over." She blurted out to Rachel.

"If we keep going we can make it ho-"

Santana cut the smaller girl off before she could finish. "Pull over now." She demanded. Her voice sounded desperate and panicked and to be honest, that was exactly how she felt. Her hands were shaking completely out of control and she could feel her eyes rolling around in all directions behind her eyelids.

"Baby, are you okay?" she thought maybe she could feel Brittany's hand on her shoulder but she couldn't be quite sure. Her entire body seemed to be vibrating and it felt like she was underwater. She ignored the blonde and practically threw herself out of the car when Rachel pulled into the gas station.

"Santana!" Quinn shouted from behind her. "Wait here." She ordered the other two girls before she ran after the Latina who had run behind the shop.

Brittany stared after the two girls as they ran off to god knows where before she turned back to Rachel with a worried look. "What just happened?" she asked as if Rachel would know the answer.

"I don't know, but I'm sure Santana will be fine." The dice tried to reassure the worried blonde. "How about we go get something for us all to eat?" She knew she had to get Brittany's mind off of whatever just happened and the best way to do that was with food. She reached out and took Brittany's hand in her own and led her towards the door of the shop.

Quinn came to a halt when she found the Latina leaning weakly against an old rusted dumpster as she heaved in broken shaky breaths, tears were streaming down her face and her whole body was shuddering. "Santana, oh god." Quinn ran over to the brunette and wrapped a strong arm around her waist to hold her up. "Is it your chest?" the blonde questioned. Santana could only manage a pathetic attempt of a nod as she leaned entirely against Quinn, the Latina was thankful she had been able to keep the bile down. "We need to get you to a hospital." Santana's eyes went wide. She couldn't go to a hospital; she couldn't let Brittany worry about her she didn't _want_ her to worry about her. She shook her head furiously at Quinn with a pleading look.

"No… I can't go…" Santana breathed out as she turned to grab at Quinn's arms. "Please." She begged.

"Santana you're a mess. You need to go and see a doctor!" Quinn argued she couldn't keep the frantic tone out of her voice.

Santana carried on shaking her head though, "I can't get Brittany worried, not after what you told me this morning." Santana could feel the dizziness wearing off and thankfully she hadn't had to throw up. "I just need some rest; I promise when we get home you can take me to the hospital. We just can't let Brittany know. Okay?" Santana's eyes were beginning to droop, she didn't know if she was just really tired or her eyelids had a mind of their own. Again she was thankful that she had her shades on so that Quinn wouldn't worry any more than she already was.

Quinn hesitated a moment, her eyes were downcast as she thought it over. She knew she should get the Latina to a hospital now. They should have done that when Santana nearly crashed the car, but she was her best friend. If Santana wanted to wait then all Quinn could do was respect her wishes. "Okay." the blonde nodded once before helping the Latina back to the car, this time helping her into the back seat.

"Shot gun…" Santana mumbled lazily, she almost sounded drunk as she pointed towards the front passenger seat.

"No, you're going to sit in the back with me so I can keep an eye on you and you can maybe get some sleep." Quinn instructed as she fastened the Latina's seat belt.

"Pfft, whatever." Santana rolled her eyes and let her head fall lazily against the cool glass of the window. "Night night, Q."

Quinn gave the girl a confused look; she wondered whether or not Santana even knew what she was saying because it was only like two thirty in the afternoon and wasn't anywhere near to getting dark. That couldn't be a good thing though; the blonde felt her heart begin to race in her chest. They needed to get Santana home as soon as possible. The blonde heard footsteps behind her and Quinn fashioned a fake smile on her face as she turned round to fine Rachel and Brittany walking over with two bags of food between them. "You can sit up front with Rach, Britt. Santana fell asleep…" she pointed over to the Latina sitting in the back seat half sprawled out.

Brittany peered around Quinn and couldn't hold back the confused look that spread over her face. "Is she okay?"

Quinn quickly nodded; it was just Santana who didn't want the blonde to get upset. "She just got a bit car sick, don't worry. She's fine." Quinn smiled and quickly climbed into the car to avoid having to come up with any more excuses. She hated lying to her friends.

She didn't know if it was just the movement of the car at first but when she heard the sound of _Bed Rock _by Lil Wayne playing from her pocket accompanied by the vibrating she knew her phone was ringing. She reluctantly let her eyes flicker open and groaned in annoyance as an aching pain pulsed in her chest. She wondered why no one had answered the phone for her, Quinn had told her she needed her sleep. The Latina looked over to the blonde next to her and irritably rolled her eyes, Quinn was fast asleep with drool running down her chin and loud snores escaping her mouth.

Santana felt the urge to hold the blondes nose or slap her really hard just for the sake of it. Images of the blonde startling awake formed in the mind and she couldn't hold back the smirk.

"You might want to get that." Rachel's voice caused her to turn away from Quinn. "It's been ringing for a while now." Santana glanced up at the diva's eyes in the mirror before pulling out her phone to see her father's picture and number flashing up on the screen. She frowned in confusion as she pressed the green answer button and brought the phone up to her ear.

"He-hello?" Santana voice was slightly groggy from her sleep; she coughed a few times to clear her throat before carrying on. "Papá, are you okay?" there was silence on the other end of the line for a moment but it was more of a building the tension kind of silence. Santana began to get fidgety with impatience until she heard her father's breathy chuckle echo through.

"Mija! You will never guess what? I've found a new house! The old owners said I can move in whenever I'm ready! I've already had all my things sent there. I know you're on your way back but I couldn't wait to tell you." he practically screamed down the phone but it all came out in a rushed ramble.

"Holy shit! That's amazing. I'm so happy for you." Santana grinned widely, she tried to keep her voice low but the excitement was seeping through. She was so proud of her father; he had gone through so much lately, leaving his wife, having nowhere to live and his daughter dying. He was such a strong man and Santana was proud to call him her father. "Where's it at?" curiosity getting the better of her. There was silence again on the other side but this time it was slightly awkward like Marco didn't want to answer his daughter. It made Santana feel slightly uneasy, the fact that her father had fallen silent made her think it would upset her or make her mad. "Papá?" she asked quietly, she didn't know if she wanted to know the answer anymore.

"Long Beach…"

His words felt like they punched her in the face. She couldn't find the words to answer him. She was pretty sure all of the colour had drained from her face as she felt herself become lightheaded and cold. Santana had gotten so used to her father being around she didn't know how she would be able to cope with him being so far away when right now she probably needed him by her side more than ever.

"I have to go." She managed to slur out as she hung up the phone, she didn't even wait for a reply. She stared down blankly at the now black screen, she was sure she heard Rachel in the background asking her questions but the noise was drowned out by Santana's racing thoughts.

After what could have been an hour or so the sky had turned pitch black and the clouds above them had blanketed over the stars but Santana hadn't moved an inch, she was still staring down expressionlessly at her phone and Rachel had begun to worry about the Latina. She wanted to wake Quinn or Brittany up so they could talk to her or find out what was wrong because she knew Santana would just snap at her. But she couldn't bring herself to wake the two sleeping blonde's, not matter how loudly Quinn was snoring and Brittany mumbled and tossed and turned. She sighed in relief when she realised she was pulling into Santana street and quickly turned into the garage lot behind their building.

"We're back!" She cheered loudly causing the two blondes to jolt upright with wide eyes while Santana didn't even flinch. Rachel frowned at the Latina which caused the blondes to follow her line of sight. Brittany leaned over the back of the seat and placed her hand gently onto Santana's wrist as she cautiously shook it to bring the Latina out of her buzzing thoughts.

The Latina's eyes snapped up to meat ocean blue slightly irritated at first boot soon calmed as Brittany refused to break eye contact. "Are you okay?" the blonde's voice felt like velvet to Santana's ears and couldn't help her lips curl up to smile.

"My dad's moving out." Santana whispered out but strangely enough she found her smile growing bigger and bigger. Maybe she was happy for him, more than she first realised but that didn't change the fact that she was going to miss him like hell.

"That's great!" Brittany's smile mirrored the Latina's and she laced their fingers together as they all made their way round to the building entrance with their bags. "Where's the house?"

"Back in Long Beach." Santana diverted her eyes but felt Brittany's hand tighten around her own as the blonde's lips formed into a perfect 'o'. No one said anything as they made their way up the stairs to their apartment. Somewhere along the way, Santana had drifted back into her thoughts and was almost so completely out of it – almost being the key word here - that she hadn't noticed the way her left arm had begun to tingle and shooting pain was surging through her chest. She clenched her eyes shut but kept her head downcast so that the other girls wouldn't see her obvious discomfort.

Before Santana knew it they were all standing outside the door. Brittany lifted her hand up to knock and was met with the beaming smile of Marco Lopez, all of his pearly white teeth on show for them to see. "Santana!" he jumped forward and pulled the girl into a crushing hug. "I've missed you so much." He pulled away to look into her eyes but notices that they seemed clouded or glassy like she was there, but she wasn't. "Are you mad at me?" he wondered maybe it was his news from earlier that had his daughter acting so distant but she shook her head and attempted to give him the best smile she could.

"No, Papá. I'm so happy for you." She pulled him back into a hug as the three girls behind them took the bags further into the apartment.

"Oh thank god, I was so worried you would be mad at me, mija." Marco sighed in relief. Santana just rolled her eyes but smiled none the less. However, she was finding it harder and harder to keep herself from showing the excruciating pain she was feeling. It was getting so bad that she could feel the tears stinging behind her eyes.

She quickly pulled away from her father and rushed towards the bathroom where she knew there would be more of her pills. She heard Brittany call after her when she ran through the living room but she ignored the blonde's shouting as she slammed the bathroom door behind her and quickly locked it. She didn't want anyone coming in and seeing the state she was in. she had never felt this bad before and she knew she should probably get someone to take her to the hospital. _I'll get Quinn to take me in a minute. _She thought to herself as she place four pills into her hand and swallowed them one by one and quickly gulped down a mouthful of water out of the tap.

She flicked her head back; her hair fell loosely down her back as she heaved in deep breaths. All she could hear was the irregular pounding of her heart in her ears, she was panicking. She didn't know what to do, the room was spinning and she could feel the bile rising up her throat once more but this time she knew she wouldn't be able to keep it down. Beads of sweat were rolling down her face and she could feel her clothes sticking to her body.

Suddenly, her knees gave way. She grabbed out towards the shower curtain to keep her up but she was too heavy for it to hold her steady resulting in her tearing it down from its hooks. She clattered to the floor and she was pretty sure everyone else could hear the commotion from outside. Her whole body began to convulse and spasm as she crawled over to the toilet and heaved the contents out of her stomach. Tears were streaming down her cheeks but she couldn't feel them, they just felt cold and sticky.

_This isn't good._

"QUINN!" Santana managed to scream at the top of her lungs as best as she could before buckling over the toilet once more. She could faintly hear banging on the bathroom door; her blood ran cold when she remembered she had locked it.

"Baby, unlock the door!" Brittany called through. Santana could hear her voice tremble and knew she must have been crying. The Latina tried to turn and stand but only collapsed back down onto the tiled floor.

She couldn't move.

Everything was hurting.

This was it.

"Brittany." Santana sobbed weakly as she lay face down, her body was still shaking and bucking but other than that there was no way she could get up and move. There was a sudden clatter against the door as Marco tried to break the door down. Santana could hear the muffled cries of the girls on the other side but everything was getting quieter and quieter and the pain was getting so intense that she was sure she was about to pass out. "Brittany… it hurts." She gasped out between sobs.

The slamming became more frantic and louder until the door finally gave way and hung on the bottom hinge. Marco pushed passed it and collapsed down to the ground with tears streaked cheeks. He carefully turned the Latina onto her back so he could talk to her but as Santana looked up all she could see were his lips moving. Everything sounded echoed like she was underwater but she couldn't make out what her father was saying.

There was a blur of blonde hair behind her father and before she knew it, Brittany was by her side. She looked just as terrified as her father did, she was sobbing hysterically, her nose was red and her eyes were bloodshot. The blonde placed a shaking hand on Santana's cheek, the brunettes eyes fluttered slightly but she kept eye contact with beautiful blue orbs. She felt herself looking deeper into them than she ever had before; she noted every navy blue spec that surrounded her pupil, the way the lighter blue began to turn glassy and cloudy as tears spilled over the edges. Oh god, she was going to miss those eyes.

"I know… what you're… thinking." Brittany sobbed out, a slightly angry look formed. "Stop thinking like that now." She ordered but Santana felt the corner of her lip curl up the slightest.

"Britt-" she gasped and her eyes rolled back into her head as she arched up in pain. The blonde flinched and backed away slightly but kept her hand on Santana's cheek. "I didn't… get to finish… the list." Her words were slurred and mumbled but Brittany could make them out. The blonde ducked her head and began to sob just as loud as she had been.

"You're not leaving me, Santana! Don't you dare give up." she shouted. But Santana didn't hear or see the blonde, she didn't see Quinn and Rachel dragging her away from the bathroom, she didn't hear the screams of protest from her girlfriend, she didn't here Rachel calling for an ambulance as tears poured from her eyes and she didn't see her father performing CPR when she went into cardiac arrest. Everything had gone black.

"Let go of me, Quinn!" Brittany screamed as Quinn pinned her down to the sofa. "I'm not leaving her." Quinn turned around to look at Rachel and gestured to Brittany's kicking feet. The diva raced over and helped pin the taller girl down for her own safety and everyone else's.

Quinn hated seeing Brittany like this, she hated the pure pain she could see deep in the blue eyes and hated the way her own pain throbbed deep inside of her gut. She wanted to be with Santana as well; after all she was her best friend. But right now Marco needed his space if they had any chance of saving the Latina. "Look at me, Britt." Quinn ordered as she stared deep into Brittany's eyes. "She's going to be fine, the ambulance is on its way and her father is keeping her stable right now, we just need to stay out here okay?"

Brittany ignored the blonde however and kept struggling against her hold. Quinn grunted and tightened her grip. She was worried about hurting the taller girl beneath her but she had to keep her away from the Latina in case something went wrong.

"Rachel? Could you come in here for a moment?" Marco's voice pulled the girls out of their struggle for a moment, they all froze. The only sound in the apartment at that point in time came from the ragged breaths of the girls and grunts from Marco as he tried to save his daughters life. Rachel snapped out of her shocked state and hurried off towards the bathroom. She halted in her tracks, Marco's hair was sticking up in all directions, sweat was dripping from his face and tears were still streaming down his cheeks. It was hard to tell but Rachel was sure that he was shaking. "I need you to check for a pulse." He pointed towards Santana's wrist and Rachel quickly took it into her trembling hands.

"I can't feel anything." She gasped. Marco's face was getting whiter and whiter as he began to press down over and over on Santana's chest.

"Come on baby." He grunted. Rachel eyes widened when she felt a faint throb beneath her finger.

"Pulse!" she shouted but that's all she could manage before a blur of aluminous yellow and green whirled into the room. "Paramedics." She gasped in relief. Everything became a blur after that, she remembered Marco practically screaming at the paramedics to let him come with them because he himself was a doctor but after that, nothing. She didn't know how they had all gotten into Santana's car as they raced to the hospital behind the ambulance. Brittany was in the back sobbing her heart out and her whole body was shaking. Quinn was clutching the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles had turned white and Rachel was bouncing in her seat impatiently.

"Would you stop that? You're distracting me." Quinn snapped at Rachel. The brunette immediately stopped her fidgeting and looked down sadly. Quinn felt a pang of regret hit her. "I'm sorry, baby… I didn't mean to-"

Rachel held her hand up to cut the blonde off. "It's fine. She's going to be okay. She's a strong woman." She placed her hand on her thigh. Quinn felt herself relaxing slightly with Rachel touch. They turned the corner to the hospital a couple of minutes after the ambulance.

"Mr Lopez. Please calm down." Dr Richardson pleaded with the older man.

"No I will not calm down. That is my daughter in there!" he took a step closer to the shorter man. "You need to give her an ICD." He instructed. Dr Richardson looked up at him like he was on crack.

"You should really leave this to the doctors." Dr Richardson explained and began to walk off.

"I'm a chief of medicine in Long Beach; I've been doing research on my daughter's condition. So I recommend you do as I say before I sue your ass, not this hospital, _you." _Marco was shocked by how cold his voice sounded but he couldn't care right now, he wanted his daughter to live and he would do everything in his power to do that.

Dr Richardson seemed startled by Marco's threat. He couldn't find his words so instead; he just nodded before pulling the Latino into the Electrophysiology Lab that his daughter had been taken to and handed him some scrubs to stand on the edge and watch.

_What have I done? How could I do this to them? All the people I love… my _family_ are all in pain because of me. None of this should have happened, I shouldn't have told Brittany I would be with her. I knew this would happen, she looked so broken and it's because of me. I promised her I would be with her forever._

_Liar_.

_I'm all my father has left. He has no more family, my mom, she's gone, and she doesn't even know that I'm probably dead right now. Oh god, is this what heavens like or hell… am I in hell? I probably deserve that, especially after what a bitch I was to everyone. But does anyone deserve to be stuck with their own thoughts eating away at them for all eternity. _

_Maybe. _

_Quinn. She's my best friend. She's the closest thing to a sister I ever head well apart from Brittany. But who will she have to cry to about Beth? I know for sure she doesn't talk to Rachel about that stuff… how could she when Beth's adopted mother was Rachel's biological mother? She's going to have so much to let out. I'm her best friend, have I broken her heart as well? _

_Yes. _

_I'm actually going to miss Rachel, how weird is that? If someone told me two years ago that I would count Berry as family I would have laughed in their face and probably tossed a slushy at them… But I do, and I'm proud of that. She's amazing and I don't know why I couldn't see that in high school. She's been nothing but could to me, to Quinn and I know Britt loves her. They're good for each other; maybe they would be better off without me. I mean I'm a total bitch and all I do it insult them. I know Brittany is definitely better off without me. I'd just end up hurting her anyway. Just like I have now. I've broken her heart. Shattered it into a million tiny pieces. _

_I just wish there was a way I could tell her I love her one more time. Just so she knows she'll always be the one, the only one I could ever be myself around, the only one who ever owned my heart. It would be nice told hold her hand once more, is that too much to ask for? Maybe if I imagine what it used to be like, it would be like she was here with me, just holding my hand in hers. _

"Santana? Can you hear me, baby?" Brittany had her face buried deep into the crook of Santana's neck. Her tears were still flowing freely down her cheeks even after at least five hours of being in the hospital. She hadn't once left the Latina's side since she had been brought back to her room, not even to go to the bathroom that was attached to the room. She didn't want the Latina to wake up alone and scared.

They had been in surgery for about three hours and Brittany had been getting way too impatient. The doctor said it would take her around two hours to wake up, usually it wouldn't take as long but because they had to put her under and use more pain killers than they normal would it was slightly different to the normal procedure. Marco had explained to Brittany that normally Santana would have been awake for the procedure but because she was unconscious they had no option to keep her under completely but have a special machine monitoring her heart and kept it beating for her.

Marco had been pleased with himself for persuading the doctor to give her an ICD. He knew this gave his daughter a better chance at living longer but hat confused him was why the doctors at this hospital hadn't thought of giving her one of those earlier. Maybe then, they wouldn't have gotten into this whole mess. He sat on a seat next to the window as he looked out at the slowly rising sun. He was completely exhausted and had had to drink around four cups of coffee to keep himself awake. Marco hadn't left his daughter for the same reason Brittany hadn't.

He looked over to the blonde; she looked just as bad as he felt. The man couldn't begin to comprehend how she must be feeling right now. If Santana was Maribel he wouldn't let go of her hand, he would probably tie himself to her side.

A sudden wave of sadness overcame him. The woman he first met when he was sixteen, he had loved every inch of her, the way she smiled, the way the corners of her eyes would wrinkle when she laughed. He loved it all. He still was.

He just knew he loved his daughter more.

Santana came first.

He knew he had done the right thing to leave his wife. As much as it hurt him to do so, he knew he had to be with Santana while she was like this. She needed her father and he needed her. He would always love Maribel up until the day he died. But his love for Santana would be so much stronger, it would continue on even after he died.

"She's awake!" Brittany's scream brought him back to reality.

Santana fluttered her eyes as she slowly regained consciousness. She squeezed the hand that was holding her own as she remembered what she had just been thinking of. Had she just wished hard enough to bring herself back to life? Or was she still dead? Had she ever been dead in the first place? There were too many questions flying around in her head. She didn't want to think about that right now. Santana turned her head towards Brittany and immediately, a smile formed on her lips.

"Hey, Britt-Britt." Her voice was just above a whisper but was groggy and shaky.

"Baby." Brittany began to cry once again but this time they were tears of relief and happiness. "I was so fucking worried about you!" she buried her face back into the crook of Santana's neck and kissed the skin there softly. Santana slowly lifted her left and placed it on Brittany's cheek too lift it up to meet her eyes. Her chest felt sore and tight when she moved that arm and she guessed that Brittany could see the discomfort on her face. "Relax, San. Take it easy." She cooed.

"What happened?" she coughed to get rid of the groggy tone in her voice but she wince when her chest pulled tight. She looked around the brightly lit room at Quinn, Rachel and then her father who were all looking at her. It was then she realised she was back in the hospital. She wanted to scream or something and run. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to hear about how her body was still fucked up or that there was a possibility that she could be okay. She didn't want to get her hopes up only to be let down once again. She was all too used to that by now and she didn't know how much more of it she could take. It hurt nearly as much as the constant pain in her chest…

Wait, there was no pain. Well, not the normal pain she was used to… "Am I dead?"

Her father chuckled from the seat next to the window and shook his head. "No, sweetie, you're very much alive." He walked over to her and planted a kiss on her forehead. "I'm just going to find the doctor." He whispered before leaving the girls alone.

"We were so scared, Santana." Quinn uttered from the bottom of the bed. "I thought… I thought-" she couldn't finish her sentence, a soft sob eased its way from her mouth and Rachel pulled the blonde against her chest.

"I'm so sorry." Santana whispered. She didn't know what to say as her own eyes began to fill with tears. "I… I don't know what happened."

"You collapsed in the bathroom and then went into cardiac arrest." Rachel explained. "Your father performed CPR while Quinn and I held Brittany down…"

Santana turned to look at the blushing blonde who tried to hide her face back into Santana's neck. "Why?"

"She didn't want to leave you, but we had to give your father space. He asked me to help though, that was scary… I had to find your pulse but you didn't have one. And then your father carried on with CPR and then I found it and-"

"I get it, Rachel." Santana interrupted the diva's rambling with a white giggle. "Thank you." Rachel blushed and hid her face in Quinn's hair.

Santana looked down at her almost bare chest; thankfully her hospital gown was covering her breasts but everything else above her abdomen was on show. She had wires stuck all over her that were clearly monitoring her heart rate with some sort of monitor attached to them, but what caught her eyes sight and completely scared the hell out of her was a large white bandaged patch just above her left breast. Her eyes widened as she looked at the slight redness around it. She brought her right hand and placed a delicate finger on the bandage and trailed it around the edge of it.

"Ms Lopez! How nice to see you awake." Dr Richardson's voice came from the doorway. Santana glanced up and smiled politely at the doctor. "How are you feeling? Any pain?"

Santana shook her head. "Not really, what's this?" she pointed to the patch on her chest.

Dr Richardson smiled and pulled up a chair to sit beside Santana's bed. "Straight to the point I see." Santana heard Brittany chuckle and tightened the grip on her hand. "Where should I begin? Well, when you were brought in you were in a pretty bad way so we had to keep starting your heart up every time you would go into cardiac arrest. After about the sixth time, we were ready to give up but then your father here," Marco stepped closer to the bed and held his daughters other hand. "Pulled me aside and threatened to sue me if I didn't do as he said." Santana full on laughed at that but quickly stopped when her chest again pulled tight. "He told me about his research and we decided that it was best to give you an ICD. You will be left with a scar about the size of your index finger but we stitched you up pretty well so it may be smaller."

Santana looked at her father confused but he just smiled softly in return. "What's an ICD?" Santana asked.

"An ICD also known as an implantable cardioverter defibrillator is an electronic device that constantly monitors your heart rhythm. When it detects a very fast, abnormal heart rhythm, it will deliver energy to the heart. This causes the heart to beat in a normal rhythm again." he explained, Santana just looked at him with a completely dumfounded expression. She had gotten lost in his words after 'implantable' which made all the other words blur out.

"Err… what?" she finally asked.

Dr Richardson just chuckled. "It's confusing I know, just think of it as a sort of pacemaker but instead of working constantly to keep up your heart beat it only sends off a shock when your heart starts to fail." He explained a little simpler this time.

Santana nodded in understanding. "So how long will I need it for?"

"Until we find you a new heart."

"How long could that take?" she asked slightly worried.

"Well as of now, we have managed to move you up the list, so hopefully in the next two years or so, provided that your heart doesn't completely give up."

The last words caused Brittany to flinch slightly and the action didn't go unnoticed by Santana who just tightened her grip on the blonde's hand. "How long does the ICD last for?"

"Three to six years, as long as you come for regular check-ups and you take the new medication we will give you tonight." Santana nodded her head seriously and turned to face Brittany with a smile.

"I love you, San." Brittany leaned forward and planted a kiss on Santana's lips. There was something about this kiss that felt different to Brittany though. The Latina was slightly tense like she was holding back or something. But maybe it was just down to everything that was going on, maybe she wasn't feeling well. "I'm glad you're going to be okay."

"She's not out of the woods yet, I'm going to have to keep you in overnight and then check your vitals in the morning before I can let you leave." Dr Richardson explained as he stood up and made his way to the doorway. "Have a nice day, Santana."

"Bye." She said weakly from her bed. There was something in her stomach that was signalling her to get out of here, run and never look back. But she didn't understand it; she wanted to be with Brittany more than anything. She was alive and everything was going to be okay but she couldn't shake the feeling that something would go wrong with her heart again and she will end up leaving the blonde. That thought was always going to be swimming around in her head until the day she found a new heart.

Later that day, Santana was taken down to get a chest x-ray to make sure her lungs were okay with the positioning of the device and that the wires were all correctly attached to her. She had never been so scared to have an x-ray in all her life; she was worried that something may have gone wrong and that they would have to gut her open again.

When the x-rays were finished the nurse informed her that everything was fine, she took the wires and monitor off of the Latina and let her father and Brittany wheel her back to her room. Earlier that day, Santana had forced Quinn and Rachel to go home and get some sleep, the brunette was probably exhausted from driving all the way home the day before and the only way she was going to leave is if Quinn came with her. So Santana had convinced the blonde to take her home.

Around seven at night a nurse came and collected Santana and took her down to the clinic with Dr Richardson so that they could test the ICD and change its setting so it would work properly for the Latina. Santana had to force her eyes to stay open through the whole test, she was sure she had never been so tired in her life. "You must be dying to get some sleep; I'll take you back up in a second." Dr Richardson said as he finished writing on his clipboard.

The next day, Santana woke up in Brittany's arms. Her head was lying on her chest and the blonde's arms were wrapped delicately around her waist. Brittany had against refused to go home and leave Santana even though Marco would have been staying anyway.

"Papá?" Santana asked sleepily as she looked around the room for the older man.

"Here sweetie." He walked into the room will three bottles of water and a tray of food. "I just went to get this. How are you feeling?"

She reached up and took one of the waters and downed it in four long gulps. "Thirsty," She chuckled before taking an apple of the tray. "And hungry. But I refuse to eat _that." _She pointed at the plate of god knows what this hospital called food.

Marco chuckled and kissed the Latina. "We can take you home today." He smiled but Santana's smile dropped. There was that feeling in her gut again, like she shouldn't be going back to that apartment, with Brittany. "What's wrong, san?" he asked cautiously.

Santana just nodded and carried on to eat her apple. Suddenly, Brittany began to shift behind her; Santana sat up slightly so that the blonde could move around and get up if she wanted to. "I smell food." She mumbled. Santana and Marco both let out breathy chuckles that were almost identical. "Morning." She breathed out with a stretch of her arms. She carefully climbed down off of the bed and climbed into the chair next to Santana so that she would accidently hurt the girl.

"God, I love your bed head." Santana chuckled as she played with the messy strands of blonde hair. Brittany just shook her head with a smile before pulling the bowl of 'food' off of the tray and began to eat.

Santana looked down at her like she was crazy for ever touching the stuff. "What? I'm hungry." Brittany muttered with a mouthful of food. Santana just leaned over and planted a kiss on the blonde's forehead.

Brittany had to do a quick run home to collect Santana some clothes for when she came home, she had been hesitant at first but when Santana explained that if her father was the one to get her clothes he would make her look like a clown. Brittany finally agreed and reluctantly left.

She finally arrived back with a pair of sweats and a hoodie for Santana to wear. For the rest of the day the two of them sat and watched TV in the hospital while her father went home to clean the mess of a bathroom and hopefully fixed the door. Santana still felt slightly reluctant about going back home though. There was something screaming at her not to and it wouldn't stop.

She didn't want to be feeling like this. She wanted to be able to go home with Brittany and just be happy without having to worry about dropping dead in front of her. She couldn't let herself hurt Brittany any more than she already had. The blonde deserved to be happy, to avoid all of the heart ache that Santana caused. She wouldn't be selfish and put Brittany through that, she couldn't drown Brittany in her messed up life. She deserved to be free…

"Here you are, baby." Brittany handed a bag to Santana and helped her into the bathroom to change. It felt so good to be in her own clothes again, she hated the hospital gown because it showed off her ass and wasn't very good considering the amount of times she had had to leave her room. Who knows how many people got a full show of her. "How are you feeling?"

Santana just shrugged. "Okay I think. I'm still scared though," Brittany looked at her confused. "I'm so scared to close my eyes; I'm scared that if I do I won't wake up. I don't want to die; I don't want to be stuck inside of my own head like I was before. It's horrible there, nothing but your own thought to keep you company. I don't want to fall asleep and not be able to say good bye to you."

Before Brittany could reassure the Latina that she was going to be fine, there was a knock at the door and Santana turned to see her father and Dr Richardson standing with bright smiles. Just as they were about to talk Brittany's phone chimed from her pocket. "Sorry…" she mumbled before leaving the room.

"Good news, Santana. You are free to go all your results seem fine and you ICD's working perfectly. However, I would like to keep you in for an hour longer just in case."

Santana beamed at the doctor. "That's great! Thank you." She said excitedly.

"I'll see you soon." He said before leaving.

Marco turned to his daughter and held his hand up for her to high five. They sat smiling and laughing for a moment until Brittany came back in. "That was Quinn, she wants me to go and pick her and Rachel up and bring them here. Quinn's car won't start." She explained as she pulled on her coat and bent down to kiss Santana. "I won't be long."

"I love you, so much, Brittany. You know that right?" Santana held Brittany close to her before she could pull away and crashed their lips together. Electricity seemed to explode within their two bodies. Brittany couldn't help but notice that this kiss seemed different yet again but she didn't question it. She didn't want to question it in case the answer would hurt her.

Santana waited for the blonde to completely disappear from the room before spinning around to face her father with a frantic look. "I need you to do me a favour and you have to promise not to tell Q or Rachel and especially not Brittany." How could this be the right thing to do when it was tearing her up inside, when it was sure to tear the blonde up as well? "You need to make some phone calls for me. Please. I am begging you papá." Marco nodded without asking any questions. He had to trust that his daughter knew what she was doing. While he pulled out his phone, Santana pulled open a draw and lifted out a piece of paper and a pen with the hospitals badge on it and began to write out a note for her loved ones.

Somewhere in the mess of feelings, reasons, questions and explanations, Santana knew this was the right thing to do. She knew she had to protect Brittany. But the only way she could do that was by making this decision. She just hoped the blonde would be in less pain than she was right now.

This way, Brittany would be free…

**End of part 1**

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Please dont hate me!

So this is the end of part 1! what did you all think? what's Santana planning?

I'm going to have a break with writing for a little while (only like two weeks or something) i just want to catch up on my school work and stuff. I have already started the first chapter of part two so i cant wait to get that uploaded!

i shall see you all in two weeks! maybe earlier if i feel the urge to upload early.

love you all so much! please review and feel free to PM if you have any questions.

twitter: naya_fan1


	26. Chapter 26

I'm Back! You guys miss me?

i have the next three chapter ready I think so the next update should be later on this week, I'll just need to go over the chapters a few more times to make sure they're good enough.

one thing I need to ask you guys, I have a pretty good idea for the ending of this story _but _i was wondering if any of you would have some idea's of your own that you would like to see happen?

well here's the next chapter for you all please give me some feedback on how it's set out and what's going on. I hope you like it and don't hate me too much with all the angry and sad people.

please review! :)

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Chapter 26

**Part two**

**Brittany: 1 month later**

"What the fuck do you have in this box, Rach?" Quinn groaned as she lifted she box into her arms and did her best to carry it up to Brittany's apartment. Things was getting annoying now; Quinn and Brittany had been doing all the heavy lifting whilst Rachel barked out orders to them whilst she sat with her feet up on the sofa watching some documentary on the 'history of Broadway'. However, that wasn't the main thing on her mind right now, she was doing her best to keep Brittany away from the stash of alcohol under her bed that she had refused to let Rachel or herself near. She was thankful that she had managed to drag the blonde out of bed. The dancer was still walking around in sweats and one of Santana's old shirts that she had been wearing since the day Santana had left.

"Just school books, take them into the bedroom." Quinn rolled her eyes but did as she was told. Rachel walked into the Kitchen where Brittany was making room in the cupboards for the couple's things. "Hey, Britt. I just wanted to thank you for letting us move in with you. We really weren't getting anywhere with the apartment hunting and it was starting to get irritating." She placed her hand softly onto Brittany's bicep and squeezed. "It really means a lot to us, thank you." Brittany smiled and rolled her eyes at the diva's politeness then pulled her into a warm hug. The movement rattled her brain painfully in side of her mind in her hung over state but she tried not to show the grimace on her face.

"I'm the one who should be thanking you guys. It's been way too quiet around here lately and I'm sure someone's been stealing my shoes… or maybe they've just been wandering off again." Brittany said completely seriously causing Rachel to chuckle in the crook of the blonde's neck. The brunette pulled away to be met by sad almost pained eyes that almost broke her heart to look at. She had no idea how Brittany was still coping. Wait scratch that, she knew exactly how. Alcohol, hundreds of tubs of ice cream and sad film after sad film was how Brittany was living her life and to be honest, that isn't exactly what Rachel would call coping. It was more existing without a meaning in life. Quinn and her had lost count of the many nights they would get a phone call with a drunken blonde on the other line crying a blubbering something about Santana.

It was always Santana.

Rachel couldn't help feel a pang of hatred curse through her blood towards the Latina. How could someone hurt Brittany so much? Santana had turned a once bubbly blonde into an almost catatonic shell of the girl they all once knew.

"Still hurts?" She asked softly with a worried expression. Brittany just gave a barely there nod as her eyes glassed over and tears threatened to spill but instead of letting the diva see them she buried her face into her shoulder. "Everything's going to be okay you know? You've got me and Quinn and we're not going to leave you. _Ever." _Rachel felt the blonde's head nod against her and she squeezed her arms tighter around the taller girl's waist. Rachel knew she could never do to Quinn what Santana had done to Brittany, she could never live with herself, regret and sadness would be too much and she wouldn't have been able to cope she wouldn't end up hating herself constantly. That's why she would always be here for Brittany, no matter what.

Quinn silently entered the kitchen and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and best friend. "Yeah, you've got us, B." She stated surely. They were all feeling the pain the Latina had caused them but Brittany was by far taking it much worse than Quinn and Rachel, but that was understandable. They all loved Santana but Brittany was _in _love with Santana, she still was and probably always would be. And just being abandoned the way she was had completely broken her heart and pretty much shattered her ability to be happy and enjoy life. She had practically been texting Quinn and Rachel 24/7 to make sure they hadn't left her either, she was so paranoid about being left alone and everyone leaving her. First it was her parents – complete dick heads in Quinn's eyes – who left just because of who she was and then Santana – her best friend – left for what Quinn thought was to keep Brittany from getting heart-broken but destroyed everything good inside and out of the blonde.

"You know, Brittany… Maybe it isn't a good idea you sleeping in Santana's room with her things all around you." Quinn mumbled quietly, she didn't want to upset the blonde.

"It helps me sleep; _she _helps me sleep so as long as I'm surrounded by her things it feels like she's still here." Brittany's voice was shaky with emotion but she did her best to keep in under control. "Even if I'm only sleeping for an hour, it's better than not at all." Brittany knew that maybe Quinn was right but she wouldn't admit that. It made her feel safer sleeping in there. It made her feel like she could reach out and just touch the Latina anytime she wanted and all of the horrible pain would just go away.

She had kept the photo album that the Latina's mother had given her daughter for Christmas on the pillow beside her and would flick through the many pages of new photos they had put in together over the months they had been together, the pair of them standing outside of the empire state building, the Statue of Liberty, in _Vibez, _shopping, central park, Lima, the apartment and Brittany's favourite, their bed, Santana with her bed head and sleepy eyes and Brittany smiling brightly next to her and looking deep into the dark orbs, both of them clearly _in love_. That was by far her favourite.

She found herself crying every time she would stroke Santana's face in one of those pictures and probably wouldn't stop until the sun was just rising in the sky.

Quinn nodded her head in understanding. "But what if the reason you're not sleeping very well is because you're sleeping in there, maybe it would be better if you kept your old room?" the shorter blonde offered, she just wanted the best for her friend. It killed her to see Brittany so broken and empty. Brittany pulled away and shook her head. She needed Santana's room to be kept the same; she didn't want that to change as well. She wanted something that was still linking her to the Latina.

"I'm staying in her room, Quinn." Brittany stated firmly before storming off to Santana's bedroom. She collapsed down onto the bed face down and inhaled the Latina's vanilla sent. Brittany's eyes began to fill with salty tears once again like they had so many other times when she lay in this room. She wrapped herself up in the bed sheets and closed her eyes, she wanted to fall asleep and hope that when she woke up this past month would have all been a dream and she would open her eyes and see that Latina in her hospital bed all ready to be taken home.

She let herself slowly fall asleep, her entire being filled with hope but yet drowned in scepticism.

She slowly and reluctantly opened her eyes after what could have been an hour or more, only to be hit with complete and utter disappointment. She was still curled up in Santana's black bed sheets and she was still alone, the same as every other time she had woken up. She turned to face the table beside the bed with a bottle of whisky, an empty glass and a digital clock reading eight thirty on it. Okay, so maybe she had been a sleep much longer than an hour, she had been missing out on that a lot lately.

She pressed the heels of her hands firmly into her eyes until white sparks were erupting in the darkness as she tried to push the tears back inside. She cursed to herself over and over again until the words became incoherent and muffled by her loud sobs.

She shifted slightly on top of Santana's pillow and heard a quiet rustle beneath it. Her brow dipped in confusion and she sat up slightly to reach behind and retrieve whatever had caused the disturbance.

Brittany's eyes widened at the folded, crumpled piece of paper in her hand. Her heart began to race as she traced her fingers over the familiar writing. She felt tears spill over just as heavy and more quickly than they had been a moment before, she pulled out a pen and crossed of the things Santana hadn't had a chance to.

**My bucket list:**

**- Climb a tree**

**- Learn how to skim a stone **

**- Spend Christmas with my best friends (x)**

**- Spend New Year's Even in New York (x)**

**- Have a snow ball fight in Central Park (x)**

**- Overcome my fears of flying on planes**

**- Read a book **

**- Go to the beach**

**- Bake a cake for Britt's birthday (x)**

**- Wish on a shooting star (x)**

**- Go skinny dipping**

**- Kiss in the rain**

**- Have a picnic under the stars (x)**

**- Fall in love (x)**

**- Get married**

She still didn't understand why the Latina left her. Everything was going to be okay, she was going to live.

Brittany had spent the first two weeks after, walking around the streets of New York hoping that every time she would see a Latina or a brunette that it would be Santana. She had once been walking through Central Park and swore she had seen her and began to shout the Santana's name but when the girl had finally turned round and gave her a look that said she thought the blonde might have just escaped a mental institution, Brittany had broken down against an old tree and let the tears cascade down her already red face.

Things got even worse when May tenth came around. She had totally forgotten that she had the Latina's birthday saved in her phone and woke up to a loud ringing in her ears to remind her. She had forgotten that she had ordered a silver charm bracelet that Santana had been admiring in a shop window and cried for an hour when the delivery man turned up with it in his hands and asked her to sign for it. But the sad thing was, she had been so preoccupied with being depressed and angry with the girl for leaving, she had forgotten it was even Santana's birthday.

She didn't know what she was feeling towards the Latina anymore. She knew she was still so deeply in love with Santana that it hurt, but she also felt infuriated, pissed and completely angered towards the girl for leaving her without giving her a proper good bye and a good enough reason.

"_You couldn't have just gotten a cab?" Brittany asked with a slightly irritated tone. She tapped impatiently on the steering wheel and waited for the lights to change from red back to green so they could go and pick Santana and Marco up. "Santana's getting ready to come home and the doctor was coming to give her a final check-up or something; I didn't want to leave her alone." She stated as she pulled up in front of the hospital._

"_Calm your tits, Britt." Quinn rolled her eyes as she followed the taller blonde out of her car with Rachel closely behind her. "She's still going to be here." They entered the hospital and made their way over to the lift and pressed the button for the fourth floor. Brittany beamed unconsciously and began to tap her foot. "Someone's excited." _

_Brittany turned to face the blonde with an arched eyebrow, her smile didn't once falter. "I am. I mean why wouldn't I be? She's going to be _okay_, Quinn! Well, I mean as okay she as she can be in her situation. Who knows? Maybe she will get a new heart by the end of this year?" She clenched her fists by her sides and wiggled with excitement. _

_Rachel and Quinn giggled at the blonde's actions and enthusiasm, "We should have a celebratory party for her when we get home, just the four of us and maybe Marco if he wants to." Rachel offered._

_Brittany's smile grew if it was possible and she began to nod her head furiously in agreement. "Yes! That's an amazing idea." They walked down the corridor towards Santana's room. She frowned when she saw the door to the Latina's room had been opened and all of the lights had been turned off, she unconsciously sped up her pace until she was sprinting down the corridor. Why would they have done that? She wasn't sleeping again was she? If she was the door would have been closed… The only reason the lights would have been turned off was if… "San-" Brittany stopped mid-word when she realised the room was in fact completely empty. "San?" Brittany poked her head into the bathroom to see if the girl was maybe in there but the lights were off. _

"_Where's she gone?" Quinn's voice caused Brittany to spin on her heals as panic began to rise within her. _

"_Brittany." The blonde's both turned to look at Rachel who was standing by the now perfectly made bed with a white sheet of paper in her hand. "You might want to see this." _

Brittany blinked furiously to rid the painful memory from her mind and released a heavy breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding while she was lost in her trance.

Lately she found herself living her thought's a lot more than actually living in reality.

Maybe that was a bad thing but she preferred to be there than face the pain her everyday life seemed to be causing her. She wasn't going to lie, she had thought about giving up all together. She hoped that way the pain deep inside of her soul would disappear but when it came round to actually doing it, she had no idea what to do.

She was too scared.

So in the end, she was screwed.

She wiped the back of her hands across her face to get rid of the wet sticky liquid on her cheeks and pulled out a neatly folded sheet of paper from her back pocket. She had never once put it down - apart from when she was in the shower – and always kept it in her pocket or in her bra. She stared at the perfectly neat handwriting and traced a pail finger over the words.

"_I'm so sorry. But this is the best for everyone, especially me and you. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make but it was definitely the right one, no matter how much it hurts me to leave you. _

_But I need you to make me a promise, please don't come looking for me, don't contact me or any of my family including my father. It will just cause more pain and I don't want you to hurt like I am._

_You're free, Britt. You can live your life properly without having to worry about me all the time. _

_I'm sorry._

_You will always be my Britt-Britt. _

_I love you." _

Brittany couldn't hold back the sob that always broke through whenever she read the note Santana had left her. She would always feel a rush of so many emotions it felt completely overwhelming.

Brittany wished she could say she kept to Santana's promise but she never. As soon as she had read the note in that hospital room, she had pulled out her phone with shaky hands and dialled Santana's number and was immediately diverted to a woman's voice telling her that the number she had just dialled was no longer active. Then she called Marco but he'd turned his phone off for whatever reason… panic, anger, you name it, she felt it and she'd ended up throwing her phone across the room in frustration and watched as it shattered into tiny pieces on the laminate floor.

"Why? Why did she do this to me?" She sobbed to herself as she buried her face into the palms of her hands. "She was going to be okay. _We _were going to be okay." her words were incoherent now and to anyone else would have sounded like quite mumbles and grunts under her breath. She looked up with blurred vision towards the table beside the bed and reached out unsteadily for the bottle of whisky. She stared blankly at the brown liquid before she unscrewed the top and brought the bottle to her lips. She coughed and spluttered at the fowl taste and burning sensation in her mouth and throat but that didn't stop her from taking another couple of mouthfuls.

There was a quiet knock at the bedroom door and Brittany slowly looked up through blurry eyes and tear soaked eyelashes to be met by hazel eyes. "Brittany…" It was just above a whisper; Brittany had to strain to be able to hear the shorter blonde's words. "Are you okay?" her words were laced with concern which also played a similar emotion across her face.

"I'm fine." Brittany lied through gritted teeth. She didn't want to be getting into this now, there was so much racing through her mind, and she didn't want to risk snapping at Quinn when all she'd been was a perfect friend to her lately.

"Don't lie to me, B." Quinn said sternly but kept the concern and love in her voice. "And please, don't shut me out." The shorter blonde sat down next to Brittany and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Brittany stayed silent for a moment as she found interest in her intertwined fingers resting in her lap that were still securely wrapped around the note Santana had left her. "It's okay to talk about how you're feeling you know? You don't have to keep it all locked up inside and act like it's wrong to be upset that the love of your life did a runner." Brittany flinched at Quinn's words. She clenched her eyes tightly shut and squeezed out the remaining tears that were blurring her vision, she breathed in a shaky breath before speaking.

"I'm fine, for fuck sake, Quinn. Just leave me alone with my whisky and leave me to die." Brittany snapped harshly. Quinn was slightly started by the taller girls use of words, never in a million years had she thought that Brittany would ever speak to anyone like that before.

"I'm not going anywhere." She stated firmly and crossed her legs Indian style on top of the bed to prove that she wasn't bluffing. "I'm going to stay right here with you and we're going to get drunk." Brittany raised an eyebrow at Quinn who was now leaning over the side of the bed and pulling up another bottle of some kind of alcohol that Santana had kept in her not so 'secret' stash. Quinn cringed as whatever liquid she had just gulped a mouthful of made its way into her stomach. "This is fowl." She took another sip despite herself. "But whatever, it must be worth something if Santana owns it." she smirked at the bottle in her hands and leaned back against the headboard with Brittany.

They sat quietly for a few short minutes. The only noises that could be heard were the sound of the wind outside of window, snoring from Rachel in the other bedroom and the two blonde's breathing. That was until Brittany spoke.

"I just don't want to talk about how I'm feeling out loud because then it's like actually admitting she's gone. I just want to wake up and find her by my side smiling at me in that dumb way she does when she's tired or watch her walk across the room and do that little skip she does when she's happy that she thinks no one knows she does." Brittany leaned in closer with a sad smile on her face and rested her head limply on Quinn's shoulder. "I just want her to come home."

"Me too, Britt. Me too." Quinn mumbled into the top of Brittany's head.

"Quinn?" Brittany's voice was soft but the alcohol was definitely beginning to show.

"Hmm?"

"Santana's father gave me his new address before he left-" Brittany was cut off when an irritated groan left Quinn's lips followed by the quiet popping noise of her mouth pulling away from the bottle she was still drinking from.

"Brittany, we've talked about this. Santana doesn't want us to go looking for her. We don't even know if she's at Marco's. She could be staying with anyone from her family or on her own somewhere, for all we know she might be d-" Quinn stopped herself from finishing her sentence; it would hurt Brittany as much as it would hurt herself to even voice that thought. A thought that either of them was terrified of even considering to even being a possibility.

"I know. I wasn't going to say that. I was going to ask if you thought it would be okay to send Marco Santana's bucket list… I mean, I don't know if he'd find it interesting or anything but maybe he could send it to Santana or something if he knows where she is." Her last words were harsh and laced with pain but her voice was filled with doubt and it was clear that the blonde only wanted to get rid of the item; it was clearly causing her more pain than was needed. _Maybe it would be easier without so many memories…_

Quinn hesitated for a moment as she contemplated Brittany's words. "I think that would be a good idea, Santana still might want to finish it." Quinn ignored Brittany's last words; she smiled down reassuringly at Brittany who attempted a half-hearted one in return. "But maybe we should try getting back to normal before we do it though?" Quinn offered softly.

"Okay." Brittany nodded and leaned in closer to Quinn's embrace as they both lost themselves in their drunken haze.

**Santana: 1 month later **

As she laid there in her bed and stared out of the window blankly at the waves as they crashed up onto the white sandy beach, all that she could feel was the pain deep down inside of her body. It started down at the base of her spine and worked its way up until it seemed to web out in her chest and reached every part of her upper body. It made her heart burn, her lungs ache and her chest throb.

She had cried nonstop for the past three weeks – including her birthday which she refused to celebrate, even when her father bought her a cake and a present. She resorted to drowning herself in alcohol; she just wanted to numb the pain as best she could - until just two days ago she stopped. She stopped because she was so tired and worn out that she just couldn't make herself work anymore, she didn't have the energy to lift the glass to her lips, swallow the disgusting liquid and then zone out of her life. She just couldn't do it anymore.

She couldn't function properly without the aid of her father dragging her out of bed every day to put her in the shower and feed her which would have been completely humiliating if she cared.

She had cried so much that her tear ducts just wouldn't produce anymore tears, even they had given up.

All that she could picture in her mind was the last time she had ever spoken to Brittany. _"I love you, so much, Brittany. You know that right?" _She pictured the way Brittany's eyes lit up at her words and the way her lips turned up into an adorable smile that she missed so much. She remembered the way the kiss they had shared had felt so intense and so amazing at the same time. All these thoughts were soon followed by a jolt of pain deep in her gut that was the last moment the two had shared, the last time they had touched each other, the last time they had been happy with each other. It felt like more than a life time ago now but was no less than a month.

Santana wondered how Brittany had been coping with her not being around. Had the blonde found her letter? Was she mad with her for leaving? Santana hoped she wasn't. Her mind would always end up wandering to the blonde and it would take a pretty big distraction to bring her back to reality. Her father had found her day dreaming a week ago and almost had a heart attack when he thought she was dead, he had had to slam two frying pans together in front of her face when he realised she wasn't actually dead to bring her back to reality and even that had taken a couple of seconds.

_She looked up from writing the note with tears streaming down her face, her body was already trembling. Marco looked at her worriedly and wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders securely to keep her from shaking off of the bed. "What's going on, mija?" his voice was panicked and strained. He didn't need to ask her what she was thinking; he could figure that out for himself. _

"_We're leaving, tonight. I'm coming with you to California." She explained. _

"_Why? Why would you want to leave now? Everything's getting better for you, Santana. You and Britt-" he was cut off just before he could finish his sentence by an adamant look on her face._

"_I can't stay here, not when I've still got a messed up life. I can't have her worrying still. And having you living with us this past month or whatever has been amazing. I didn't get the chance to be close to you when I was younger and I feel this has actually made up for that, I don't know how I could survive with you being so far away from me. This is just best for everyone." She didn't give him a chance to speak when she held up a hand to silence him. "You're chief of medicine at Long Beach, you can fly me out of here on medical grounds. But it needs to be now, before Brittany gets back." She pulled his phone out of his pocket when he didn't move and searched through his contacts. "Call them." She held it out to him and he slowly took it but didn't make another move to dial the number she had clicked on. This only made more tears cascade down her already soaked cheeks. "Please, papá." She begged. _

_Marco felt his heart shatter in his chest at the sight of his broken daughter. He wanted her to be happy and if she thought this was what she wanted then how could he deny her that? "Okay." _

Santana's eyes twitched as she came back to reality, she felt a warm, gentle hand cupping her cheek. Her father was crouched down in front of her bed restricting her view of the sparkling blue waves. He wore his usual worried smile whenever he found her in one of her trances and ran his fingers through her hair. "Where did you just go?" he asked softly so he didn't startle her.

"Back to the night we left." She whispered, her voice was croaking and groggy from just waking up less than ten minutes ago. He gave her a concerned look but she just sent him a soft smile. "What's for breakfast?" she tried to change the subject quickly before it got too intense.

Marco's lips curled up into a smile. "Fruit salad, toast, and poached eggs." He stood up and headed towards the door. "Please come down, it's not good for you to just lay here and waist away. If you get up now, you can help me cut up the fruit." She grinned up at him.

Santana considered this for a while, she knew he was right but she really didn't want to. She didn't even know if she still had the use of her legs, it had been so long since she had walked without the help of her father. She looked back to his pleading eyes, "I'll just get dressed." He nodded and closed her door behind him. She sat with her legs out of the side of the bed and her feet placed firmly on the cool wooden floor of her bedroom as she stared intently out of the window at the crashing waves. She knew she would never grow tired of waking up to this view but she also knew that she missed waking up to Brittany even more. She shook her head to rid it of the thought and quickly threw on some shorts and a tank top and tied her hair up into a messy bun on the top of her head.

"Good morning, baby." Marco greeted from the stove as he began to poach the eggs. She smiled at him sweetly and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "How did you sleep?"

Santana shrugged and began to cut up the pile of fruit he had laid out for her. "Same as always. It's like the harder I try the less tired I am." She explained nonchalantly. There was a sudden jolt of pain in her chest and she cringed as a wired electrical buzz vibrated in her chest. She gasped and clutched the table top roughly causing her knuckles to turn white. Her ICD was sending electrical pulses into her heart to keep it at a regular rate, something that had been happening all too often lately. "I'm never going to get used to feeling this."

"At least you haven't needed it to actually restart your heart." Marco gave her a concerned look as he turned off the stove and place the eggs and toast out onto two plates. "Maybe you should get out and get some fresh air?" Santana opened her mouth to speak but Marco held up a hand to silence her. "I don't just mean sitting out in the garden or walking the ten feet down to the beach, I mean take a walk into town?" his eyes looked pleading. He was worried about his daughter's health; she didn't seem to be motivated anymore. He understood that she was missing Brittany and that she regretted leaving the blonde but that wasn't as important as her own health.

"I can't. I have friends here in California, if one of them were to see me and tell Brittany…" She closed her eyes and inwardly flinched at the thought. "I don't want her to come looking for me, papá. I want her to have a normal life but she can't have that with me around." Marco looked deep into his daughter's eyes only to see pure pain as she spoke.

"I know, and I understand that but you can't live in here for the rest of your life. It's not healthy for you." He reached over and placed his hand on top of Santana's. "I'm sure," Marco paused as he thought back to the first time he had met Santana's friends. "That the first time you had that party with your friends that Mercedes's and Sam told me that they were living in LA?" Santana nodded, not sure where he was going with this. "And Tina and Mike?" He asked not sure if he had gotten their names right. When Santana nodded again he carried on. "Aren't they living in San Francisco?"

"So? What's that got to do with anything?" she questioned.

"Why would they ever come to Long Beach? They don't know you're here so why would they?"

Santana relaxed at the man's words as she realised what he was telling her. No one she knew would ever see her here if they didn't even know she was here. She was counting on the fact that Brittany, Quinn and Rachel hadn't chosen to tell anyone that she had ran off with her father to California.

"Okay." That's all she had said before she walked back up to her room. An hour or so had passed before she decided to come back down, she had showered, done her makeup, her hair and had changed into a short pair of denim shorts and a lightly coloured top that hugged her curves perfectly but would keep her cool in the heat. It also covered enough of her chest to hide the ugly, dark pink scar and the slight bulge where her ICD was situated. She had never gotten used to looking at it, it always made her cringe when she was washing in the shower and her hand would graze over the top of it. There was just something about having wire and metal stuck inside of her that made her stomach churn.

Marco watched from the kitchen island with a bright smile. "Wow. You look beautiful, baby."

Santana blushed and looked down at the ground. "Could you come with me?" she asked awkwardly. "I haven't been here before; maybe you could show me around?"

Marco's smile grew, "I thought you'd never ask." He jumped up and ran towards the door to pull on some shoes. He made his way back over to where Santana was standing, opened the door and held his arm out for Santana to hook hers through. "Where to first then?"

"Shops. I need something to take my mind of things and that's probably the best way to do It." she explained half-heartedly while he nodded in agreement.

"Do you want me to help you carry some of those?" Marco gestured to the Latina's hands that were carrying five loaded bags in each one.

"I've got them don't worry." Santana reassured her father who just rolled his eyes disbelievingly and pulled the bags out of one of her hands. "I've only got a fucked up heart you know? I do have the use of my arms and hands." She mumbled.

"Watch your language." Marco scolded but smiled at his daughter none the less. "And I know but I want to help."

They fell into a comfortable silence as they walked along the beach. The sky was a perfect blue with no sign of a cloud for as far as Santana could see. They walked over to a bench and placed the bags down in the sand as they stared out into the distance. "I'm glad I'm here." Santana mumbled as she lay her head down onto her Marco's shoulder. She slowly slipped off her shoes and began to wiggle her toes down into the warm sand.

"Me too." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Do you regret it though?"

Santana shifted awkwardly for a moment before answering. "I don't know, I mean I regret leaving her, but I don't regret being here. I just wish things weren't so messed up." She sighed and closed her eyes so she could concentrate on the sound of the waves and the way Marco's heart beat beneath his chest. It seemed to calm her and she found herself not caring anymore. All the pain seemed to disappear and New York was gone.

"Oh shit!" Marco's voice pulled her from her peaceful thoughts as he jumped to his feet. "You've got an appointment at the hospital in half an hour."

Santana's eyes widened. "You're choosing to tell me this now?" she jumped to her feet and began to gather her bags.

"No, wait here. I'll go and get the car and pick you up. I don't want you running and passing out or something." He explained as he began to jog down the beach towards their home. Santana rolled her eyes and sat back down on the bench, as much as she loved living with her father, she hated how over protective he was of her. It was getting annoying.

She looked up and down the beach at the different people who were walking around, to her left there was an old couple walking up with their hands joined by their sides. To her right there was a mother and son, the mother was sitting in the sand just behind the little boy who looked to be no less than three years old who was splashing and screaming in excitement in the water. Santana found herself smiling at the two different sights. She wanted that, she wanted to grow old and still be in love, she wanted to be able to bring her kids here and watch them play in the water. She wanted all of that with Brittany. That was when she felt the tears sting her eyes and the sob break through the peaceful silence. She brought her knees up to her chest and buried her face into them.

This place was so perfect and so beautiful but none of that compared to Brittany. Nothing would _ever_ compare to the blonde.

"Are you okay?" a voice she didn't recognise came from beside her; she bolted to an upright position and quickly wiped away her tears. "Miss?" the voice came again when she didn't answer the first time. She turned to face a man probably in his early or mid-twenties with nerd style glasses and sandy coloured hair combed over to the left. He wore a blue and red flannel top that was buttoned up all way to the collar and tight navy blue skinny jeans. He had what looked to be a camera bag slung over his left shoulder.

_Definitely gay. _She thought to herself. "Err, sorry. I'm fine. Just got something in my eye." She tried hard to keep her voice from shaking and mustered up the best smile she could so he hopefully wouldn't ask any more questions.

The man arched his eyebrow at the Latina, obviously not believing the girl but chose not to pry in her business. Instead he stretched his hand out towards the girl, "I'm Dylan, nice to meet you." He said with a charming smile. She looked into his piercing green eyes that sent shivers down her spine at how beautiful they were. Maybe if she was straight and he wasn't so unbelievably gay she would have been attracted to him.

Santana found a genuine smile begin to form on her lips, "Santana." She stated as she shook his hand. "Sorry you had to see me like this; I've had a pretty crazy month."

"Don't worry about it. It happens to the best of us." _if only you knew. _She thought. He held his hands up and shook his head, "It's good to let out your emotions." She nodded and turned back to face the ocean. "I love coming here, it's a perfect place to relax and the views are amazing for taking pictures." Dylan said as he pulled out his camera followed by the snapping sound of him taking pictures. The Latina followed his line of sight and landed on the mother and son by the water's edge. Santana smiled and relaxed further into the bench. She couldn't wait to have that.

"You're a photographer?" she asked curiously. She had always found photography interesting, something about being able to catch a single moment in a photo and being able to find the perfection in someone making it last forever.

"Yeah, my father owns a small studio just a couple of blocks away. I didn't fancy working for him at first but the moneys really good and when he handed me the camera I just felt a connection you know?" Santana had the feeling he was over doing it a bit. _So gay._ She smirked to herself at the thoughts running through her mind and nodded in reply.

Suddenly, a car horn blared from behind them and Santana spun round to see her father in the car tapping his wrist impatiently. "Sorry, I better go." she could feel the blush creeping up her neck at her father's embarrassing behaviour.

"I hope to see you around, Santana?" Dylan said as he stood up to face Santana. _Wow he's tall. _She thought, he could have even been taller than Finn but was skinner and probably had bigger muscles instead of fat like Finn did.

She pulled out her phone and handed it over to him. "How about I'll call you and we can meet up again soon?" she asked, usually she would never be this open with strangers but there was something about Dylan that made her comfortable and made her forget about _her _and New York. He handed her the phone back and she slipped it into her pocket before jogging off up the steps to her father's car. "Bye!" she shouted out of the window as the teller boy waved at her.

"Who was that?"

"Dylan, and before you ask, he's definitely gay." She reassured her father who visibly relaxed in his seat.

"I wasn't worried." He lied. Santana smirked and punch his shoulder playfully.

"I'm a big girl; I know what I'm doing." When he didn't answer she turned to stare out of her window at the setting sun and all the different coloured lights in shop windows that had begun to turn on and brighten up the sidewalks.

Her mind flashed back to the night she left.

_The engine of the airplane roared in her ears as they flew over the city. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest – this time not because she was absolutely terrified of the plane crashing and everyone dying, her fears were none existent in her mind at the moment - and the tears were pouring from her eyes and soaking the collar of her hoodie. She pulled her knees up to her chest and laid her head against the window and stared out at the skyscrapers and buildings beneath her. The different coloured lights flashed against her face and lit up her features as they passed over the top of them until all that could be seen around them was complete blackness. She was leaving her girlfriend and her best friends behind; she had never felt so lonely in her entire life. _

"_Everything will be okay, mija." Marco whispered and placed a hand in hers. But even she could hear the uncertainty in his voice. She could tell he was only trying to distract her from the thought of Brittany not being in her life ever again. "You're going to love it in California. The new house is actually only about thirty miles away from the one I used to share with your mother." _

_Santana noticed the change of tone in her father's voice towards the end of his sentence. She knew that her father was still in love with her mother but also knew that the both of them were probably better off without her, better off without anyone in their past being around to distract them on their new future. "We're both going to be fine. As long as we've got each other." _


	27. Chapter 27

Hey! So I haven't had a chance to re-read this one properly, I wanted to get it up before this weekend, so i hope you enjoy it! love you all.

please review!

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Chapter 27

**Brittany: 4 months after Santana left – October**

"I can't do this. I'm not ready to go back. Not yet. It's too soon." Brittany rambled manically to herself as she stuffed her clothes and water bottle into her duffel bag. "Just a little more time. That's all I need." She carried on muttering; she walked out into the living room and stared desperately at Quinn with pleading eyes. She wanted to run back into her room and drink and drink and drink until she passed out and wouldn't have to wake up for another couple of hours.

"Britt, you need to calm down. You have to do this. You have to get back to normal, if you don't you're going to end up getting depressed and I will _die _before I let that happen to the happiest person I know." Quinn had stood up in the middle of talking and was now holding the taller blonde at arm's length by the shoulders as she looked deep into the girl's eyes. "You have to go back, Brittany. You can't stay like this."

Brittany could hear the double meaning in Quinn's words easily. She knewshe had to go back to work, but she also knewthat she had to go back to the person she was before she started feeling like this – a suicidal wreck. She had to go back to _Brittany _not the depressed and angry zombie she had been these past four months. But the thing was… she didn't know how to be that woman without Santana.

Brittany clenched her eyes shut at the thought of the Latina, she was trying to get that thought out of her head or at least push it to the back of her mind. It hurt too much to think about those chocolate orbs or the shine of her hair. She needed to get rid of the pain but no matter how hard she tried, it wouldn't leave.

"Quinn…" Brittany whispered as she buried her face into the shorter girl's neck. "She's not coming back is she?"

Quinn felt her heart breaking as Brittany's pain hit her full forced into her chest. She bit down on her lip to hold back a sob and gently shook her head. "No, I don't think she is." She whispered softly into Brittany's hair. The dancer's grip tightened around Quinn's waist she held on for a couple of moments longer. She waited for her crying to subside before she let go and picked up her bag off the floor with an absolute look.

"Wish me luck." She mumbled half-heartedly.

"Good luck, B!" Quinn shouted at Brittany's retreating form. She walked back to her room when she heard the front door slam shut and jumped on the bed where Rachel was still sleeping. "Rach?" the blonde asked softly.

"Hmm?" the diva grumbled and turned onto her side as her eyes flickered open to look at Quinn.

"I'm worried about B." the blonde looked down at her hands sadly and a small pout began to form on her lips.

"So am I, but she's just lost the love of her life. It's understandable. We just have to keep her mind off of Santana for a little while." Rachel sat up and cupped Quinn's cheeks in her hands. "She's going to be okay."

Quinn nodded and wrapped her arms around Rachel. "I miss her."

"I know me too. It's too quite around here. I still don't think I've gotten used to not been insulted every time she walks into the room." Rachel kissed the top of Quinn's head and pulled her back to lay down with her. "Did you send the list to Marco?" she raked her fingers through the short blonde locks.

"Yeah, I know he'll give it to Santana, wherever she is." She said sadly.

"What's wrong?"

Quinn was silent for a while as she bit down on her bottom lip. "I wrote her a letter." Her voice was shaking as she spoke and her grip tightened around Rachel's tiny torso. "I told her I hate her. I was just so angry and by the time I had posted it, it was too late to take it back." Quinn sobbed out. She quickly buried her face into Rachel's neck. "I didn't mean it."

"Shh, I know. Come on, it's okay." Rachel cooed softly into the top of Quinn's head. "She'll know that you didn't mean it, she'll understand that you're just angry. We all are but things are going to get better."

"Promise?" Quinn sounded so small and broken that it almost killed Rachel to see her like this. If she ever got her hands on Santana again she wouldn't hesitate in beating her ass.

"I promise." Rachel whispered.

Brittany breathed in a shaky breath, her hand was clutching the door handle to the dance studio but she couldn't find it in her to open it and walk in. She stared blankly at her reflection in the glass, she had dark bags under her eyes and her hair was lacking its usual shine. She frowned at her image and clenched her fist by her waste. She hated this. She hated everything about it. She hated her life. She hated the fact Santana left her. She hated not knowing whether or not she was alive or dead. But most of all, she hated herself for getting like this. She hated herself for falling in love with Santana after the Latina had warned her it would just end up in heartbreak. She hated that Santana was right.

She was ready to be heart broken. With every day that went by she could feel herself slowly falling into the endless pit of her broken heart, she knew this was coming, she was prepared to face the pain and consequences of the day Santana would be gone. She just never expected Santana to break her heart like this… She didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

Just as she was about to turn round and make a run for it – maybe she could hide in the park for a few hours so Quinn wouldn't ask any questions – a tall woman with curled, dark brown hair with an electric blue streak was standing behind her. Brittany bumped into the woman's chest and stumbled back, her shoulders hit the glass door. "Brittany! I didn't expect to see you any time soon." Kristen placed her hands on the girl's shoulders and pulled the blonde forward into a hug. "How're you doing?"

Brittany had told the taller girl about what was going on with Santana during the time they had been working together and when they had arrived back from the hospital Brittany had gotten Quinn to call Kristen and tell her that she wouldn't be coming into work for a while, it was only right that Kristen ask why and Quinn told her. She told her everything. Brittany couldn't help but feel kind of embarrassed about that. "M'kay." Brittany mumbled into the girls shoulder as she wrapped her own arms around the girl's skinny waist.

"What're you doing back?" Kristen asked when she finally pulled away and led the blonde inside the building. She walked over to the front desk and started flicking through some papers that had been left out for her to check through. "Are you sure you're ready to come back?" Kristen signed and scribbled on the pieces of paper before folding the up and slipping them into a brown envelope.

Brittany shrugged. "I don't know, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not. But I need to get back to normal before I end up doing something stupid to myself." Brittany looked down at her hands clasped tightly around the strap of her duffel bag; she didn't want to meet the eyes of the taller girl that she knew would be filled with pity. "I didn't want to come back to work," she admitted quietly. "But I knew I probably should. I can't stay locked in my room forever drinking away my life." She looked up to meet Kristen's intense gaze. "Truth is I can barely remember anything of the first two months without her. It's scary to think that I can just block it all out with alcohol you know?"

Kristen bit down hard on her tongue to hold back the tears she could feel burning behind her eyelids. She had no idea what the blonde was going through and she hated to even imagine it. If she could, she knew she would take the girls pain away in a heartbeat. "Brittany," she sighed as she wrapped her arm around Brittany's shoulders and pulled her into her side. "I'm always going to be here for you if you need to talk or just scream and let off steam. I'm not going anywhere. You're an amazing person and you don't deserve to be hurting like this." Kristen whispered into her ear. The brunette wanted to be closer to Brittany. She wanted to hug her tight and kiss her to prove that she was telling the truth but she couldn't when Brittany was so clearly still in love with Santana.

"Thank you. But I'm not ready to talk about all of this yet, it hurts too much." Was all Brittany said before she pulled out of the other girls grip and walked off towards her studio to prepare for her first group and left Kristen standing with a confused look on her face.

Brittany felt an uncomfortable burning on her bare shoulders where the others girls arm had once been. She knew Kristen was only trying to be supportive so why did she feel like her skin was covered with acid? Why did she want to throw up and never let anyone else touch her again for as long as she lived, with maybe one exception, maybe…?

She shook her head to make the thought of Santana go away. The only reason she had come into work today was to get the girl out of her mind, what hope did she have if she was even popping up in her head here? She really was screwed if this wasn't going to end soon; she knew she needed to move on if Santana wasn't going to be coming back. But she didn't know how. She'd never been in love before; she had never needed to get over someone before. This was all new to her, the pain was new, the feeling of loneliness was new, Santana not being by her side 24/7 was new. Even when they had just been friends they had been almost inseparable. It just felt wrong to be living without Santana by her side.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when the sound of feet against the wooden floor came from the other side of the room. She looked up to see a group of people around the age of sixteen maybe a bit older warming up and stretching. Brittany stood up and walked over to them with a fake smile plastered firmly to her face. "Hi!" she greeted, they all turned to face her and ran towards the surprised blonde as they wrapped their arms around her excitedly.

"We missed you, Britt!" a blonde boy muttered against her back. "We love Kristen and all but she's nothing compared to you. She doesn't have the moves." He said with the best jazzy voice he could do and began to sway his hips from side to side behind the group of kids. Brittany felt her inside jump and butterflies formed in her stomach. She felt a trickle of happiness sliver through her body for the first time in four months.

"I've missed you guys too." She grinned at the group as they all stood in front of her ready to start dancing. "Now, how about you all show me what you have been practicing while I've been away?" she asked as she leaned back against the wall to ceiling mirror and folded her arms across her chest.

A tall boy with mop like hair walked over to the stereo and pressed a button before the room began to vibrate with the sounds of the music.

_See, girl we used to be a team, running the streets_

_Yeah, we was living out our dream, oh_

_You used to be my rider, I was your provider_

_Now we separated in two _

Brittany unconsciously stiffened as the words sounded into her ears. Her mind wandered straight to Santana, the girl who had left her without saying good bye. She was so lost in her thoughts that she wasn't even paying attention to the amazing dancing that was happening in front of her eyes.

_Oh and baby, you left and sailed away alone_

_And now you got me trapped up on this island_

_Where nowhere to get home_

Brittany slid down the mirrors with a vacant look in her eyes. She clenched and unclenched her fists in her lap; the sharpness of the blonde's nails dug into her palms and drew tiny specks of blood from her pail skin.

_'Cause I was so high and now I'm so low_

_And I don't wanna walk around alone, solo_

_And I don't want to walk this earth_

_If I gotta do it solo, solo_

The words were getting too close to home for Brittany and it was bringing up too much of the pain she had managed to bury deep, deep down in the last month or so but as the minutes passed they climbed closer and closer to the surface and threatened to burst free and send her reeling into the darkness once again. She released a long breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding in when the song finally came to an end and the dancers came to a standstill. Their chests heaved up and down as they gasped for air.

Brittany forced a smile on her lips; she stood up and walked closer to the group. "That was great guys."

The blonde boy from earlier arched his eyebrow sceptically at Brittany. "But…?" he questioned.

"The dancing was great, I just think you guys could do better." She shrugged with a teasing grin on her face. "How's about we see if we can improve? Maybe with a different song though?" she said as she walked over to the stereo and changed the song over. "Follow me." she stood with her back to everyone and began to move her body to the music. She immediately began to relax and feel the pain from the past four months fade away into the back of her mind as she focussed on the steps to the dance. She'd missed this so much. She was in her own little world again where there was no Santana, no Kristen and no hurtful emotions.

She was free.

The clatter of thunder caused Brittany to jolt upright; her heart raced furiously in her chest and threatened to snap her ribs in half. She curled her hands into fists around the black bed sheets as the midnight sky was lit up by the lightning. The only sound that could be heard was the heavy rain against the window and the blondes faulted breathing. "Santana." The name left her lips before she could process what she was saying. She turned to face the place next to her only to find it completely empty and freezing cold.

A pang of searing hot pain jolted through her gut and forced a sob to break through Brittany's body. Tears were streaming down the sides of her cheeks before she could even stop them. She threw the bed sheets off of her body and walked over to the chair where she had one of Santana's old hoodies thrown over the back of it and quickly pulled it on and breathed in deep. She wanted to feel safe, she wanted Santana to protect her, but she wasn't here.

That was when her heart stopped. The sent she was expecting to smell wasn't there… the sent that always calmed her, always put a smile on her face, wasn't there. She couldn't recognise Santana on this hoodie. The pain intensified in her body and seamed to spread further out. Brittany couldn't understand why she couldn't smell the Latina on her clothes anymore.

Her eyes flickered around the room as she looked for anything that would still hold a piece of Santana within it.

The dresser.

She ran over to the set of draws and flung them open, causing one of the draws to clatter to the floor loudly. She pulled out a fist full of tee shirts and brought them to her chest but there was still no sign of the Latina. Brittany threw the clothes to the ground and spun around with another loud sob.

The wardrobe.

The doors swung open and almost hit her in the face. She pulled down one of Santana's most warn dresses and tried to find the tiniest piece of the Latina's sent.

Still, there was nothing. Brittany's knees gave way and she collapsed down onto the cold, wooden floor. She hunched over and curled up into a ball as she sobbed and sobbed until the noises turned silent and only tears fell. "Why did you leave me, Santana?" she thought aloud. "Why did you leave me alone?" her voice was shaking so much that her whispered words were almost incoherent. She wrapped her arms tightly around her body as she began to shake. "I don't want to be here if I don't have you. What's the point anymore?" her tears stopped, her shaking stopped and her sobs stopped. She was surprised by her own words but what was really surprising was the fact that they didn't even scare her.

She slowly and steadily stood up and walked over to the bed where she crouched down on shaky legs and pulled out the box filled with bottles of vodka and god knows what else Santana had bought while she was still living here. She'd kept these under her bed for the past four months instead of throwing them away and would drink herself to sleep so that she could forget about the Latina but she would only take a couple of mouthfuls before she would pass out, that's what she got for been such a lightweight. But maybe, maybe if she could drink past a few mouthfuls…

She stared at them for a moment. Everything inside of her was black. There was nothing to think about. No one to jump into the forefront of her mind and bring back memories and pain. She couldn't feel the hurt she had come so accustomed to over the months the love of her life had been gone.

_Love of my life._ Brittany thought bitterly to herself, she frowned as she stared into the clear liquid in the bottle she was holding in her hands. _If she loved me, she wouldn't have left. _She unscrewed the lid and took a small sip. She cringed at the strong taste but that didn't stop her from taking a much more satisfying one a second later. _She left me. _Two more huge mouthfuls.

_She. _Another gulp. _Left. _A cough. _Me. _The bottle was empty; she dropped it to her side and picked up another bottle before gulping at the disgusting liquid down. That was the last thing she remembered before everything turned into darkness.

**Santana: 4 months after she left – October/November**

"Wow, S. These are really good." Dylan looked over the Latina's shoulder at the computer screen displaying the pictures Santana had taken that day while they were out on the beach. "Are you sure you haven't done this before?"

Santana rolled her eyes but couldn't keep the slight smile from forming on her lips. It wasn't a full smile like the ones she would get when she was with _her_ but it was a smile none the less. The truth was, Dylan was the only one who could manage to get the brunette to smile lately, there was so much pain burning inside of Santana that she had a very short temper – shorter than what it was like in high school – and half the time she would break down crying and wouldn't talk to anyone for a week.

The day after Dylan had found Santana crying on the beach they had met up for coffee and every other day after that for the past four months. They had become such close friends that he was the only person she would let in. She would open up to him about everything, even about Brittany. She had told him _everything_. The reason behind her leaving, how scared she was to end up hurting the blonde, how much it hurt her to think about her and how much it hurt. She had even let him see her cry once or twice. But if she ever needed him, there would be no question on whether or not he would be there to make her feel better. She was thankful she had someone like him in her life right now.

"Thanks." She mumbled bashfully.

"I think my dad made a very good decision in hiring you. You're going to be bringing in all the customers." Dylan nudged the Latina playfully as she turned around to face him.

"You really think so?"

"Of course!" he wrapped his arm around the girl's neck and pulled her into a warming hug. "You're amazing, S." He chuckled and stepped away from Santana. He pulled on his bag and handed the Latina her coat as he lead her out of the studio. "Can we go and see this apartment now? I'm dying to see if this place is worthy enough for you to live there."

Santana giggled as she led him down the street towards where the estate agent told her to meet her. Now that she had a new job and still had money left over from her last one, she was looking to find a new place to live. As much as she loved living with her father she wanted some independents but luckily for her, the place they were going to visit was just five minutes away from her father and was still facing the beach – all musts in Santana's opinion.

"Hey. Who knows, maybe if I like it I might just move in with you!" Dylan joked.

Santana stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face the tall blonde man. "Would you?" her face was serious and her voice was pleading. Dylan fell silent as he contemplated the idea of Santana actually wanting him to move in with her.

"Are you serious?" Santana just nodded. A huge grin began to curl the corners of his lips upwards into a smile. "Hell yeah!" Santana was about to jump into his arms when – yet again – pain shot through her chest and she cringed back into the wall to steady herself.

"Ow." She grunted and took in a shaky breath. Dylan wrapped his arms around her waist and steadied her. His left hand moved up in between her shoulder blades and began to rub tight circles. Santana found it oddly soothing.

"Are you okay?" she nodded and stood up straight like nothing had ever happened. She hatted it when her ICD would kick in when she was around Dylan. She didn't like him seeing her in pain. Santana had told him everything about her heart and now her ICD, the Latina had half expected him to run for the hills, but he didn't. He had stood by her through it all, he'd even come to a few of her doctor's appointments with her. He bent over slightly, "Jump on." he tapped his back when Santana just stared at him.

"No way." she shook her head but couldn't keep herself from laughing. Dylan pouted and batted his eyelashes. "Fine." She grunted and jumped up onto his back. She screamed loudly as he began to race down the street towards the apartment. She bounced up and down roughly causing her laughing to sound jerky.

_"Jump on." Santana looked at Brittany confused for a moment but then hesitantly took a few steps forward before jumping onto the blonde's back, her legs wrapped tightly around her waist and her arms around her shoulders. Brittany hooked her hands under the Latina's thighs and pulled her closer to make sure that she wouldn't fall off. Santana buried her face into the crook of the blonde's neck and inhaled the sweet scent of her girlfriend. "Holding tight?" Brittany asked._

_Santana mumbled a quick 'yes' but tightened her grip for safe measures. Brittany suddenly launched off up the pathway in a sprint causing Santana to let out a loud squeal. They over took Quinn and Rachel who were already halfway up and just giggled as they saw Santana bouncing up and down on Brittany's back. "Br-ii-it-tan-yy" Santana screamed out in a jerky voice as her body bumped with each step the blonde took. Brittany just giggled as they reached the top of the hill and set the Latina down on shaky legs with a pale face. "Are you trying to kill me?" Santana asked incredulously._

_Brittany shook her head with an innocent smile and pulled her girlfriend in for a sweet kiss. Santana moaned and tangled her fingers in long blonde locks as she slipped her tongue into Brittany's mouth. Brittany's fingers began to play with the hem of Santana's sweater and lightly brushed against smooth caramel skin._

Santana's mind wandered back to the night they had spent their night in Lima up by the old water tower. Her eyes clouded over as tears flooded with salty tears. She sucked in her lips to hold back the sob that was threatening to break through but this time she knew she wouldn't be able to keep it in. The pain in her chest from the memory was too intense and was almost as bad as the pain she would get from her heart. "St-op." She sobbed out as she tried to pull away from Dylan.

The blonde heard Santana's voice and then felt her struggles. He came to an abrupt stop in the middle of the sidewalk and set her down carefully. "What's wrong, S?" He reached out and wiped away some of her falling tears and stepped closer to her.

"I… I- and then- and Brittany- miss her- so much." She sobbed out brokenly. Dylan struggled to make out what she was saying but there was one word he could make out and whenever Santana would say her name it usually meant that she needed to be held and just let her emotions run wild. "Brittany." Santana sobbed the girls name out into Dylan's chest as he held her tight.

Fifteen minutes passed before Santana finally calmed down. She rubbed at her itchy cheeks to get rid of the dried tears and looked up to meat Dylan's piercing green eyes. "Are you okay now?" he asked softly. Santana just nodded and slipped her hand into his. It was nothing romantic – after all, they were both gay – but she found comfort in the closeness.

"We better get going before the estate agent leaves." She didn't want him looking at her like she was broken. She knew she was; she knew she was _very_ broken, in more ways than one. But she didn't want to show it. She was definitely getting better at hiding and covering up her feelings and emotions but sometimes they would find a way to slip through the cracks. She didn't want to feel week around her best friend. Her _only_ friend.

Dylan could see that Santana didn't want to talk about Brittany right now, her walls were up and built of steel and there was no way she was letting him in right now. He would just have to wait until she was ready to talk. "Okay." it was a simple word but it somehow showed Santana that he understood what she was feeling right now and that she needed her space.

They walked down the street in comfortable silence as the sun slowly set behind them; it painted the sky deep purple and casted long black shadows along the sidewalk in front of them. "Thank you." Santana muttered quietly after a short while.

"What for?" Dylan squeezed her hand gently.

"Being there for me, you know these past for months have been rough for me and I'm just glad that you didn't get sick of my mood swings and run off. I know that if I didn't have you I would have definitely done something stupid." She leaned into his shoulder and wrapped her other hand around his bicep and gave it a soft squeeze. "You're my best friend and I just wanted you to know that I love you for staying by my side."

Dylan let out a breathy chuckle and wrapped an arm around Santana's shoulders. "You're my best friend as well." he mumbled. "When I came out to my friends, they all left me, told me not to talk to them again. So I should be thanking you too."

"You've never talked about your past before, actually… I don't know anything about your past apart from the last year." Santana arched her eyebrow at him and gave him a quizzical look.

"I just find it hard to talk about the stuff that's happened to me." Dylan muttered sadly and looked down at the sidewalk. "I promise I'll tell you soon." Santana just smiled and squeezed his hand to let him know that she understood. She'd found it extremely hard herself to talk about Brittany but had eventually got the courage to do so.

"This place is amazing!" Santana gasped as they stood in the fully furnished, loft style apartment. Dylan was staring out at the sea through the floor to ceiling window while the Latina stood half way up the stairs that led to the mezzanine floor where the bedroom was. On one side of the room there were the dark red bricks that decorate the wall with pictures of sun sets framed up. Behind where they stood and just next to the front door was a large kitchen area that was decorated in grey marble. A door to the left led into the bathroom but there was also an ensuite attached to the bedroom upstairs. The furniture was all white and some sort of soft fabric, a large corner sofa separated the kitchen from the living room and a small recliner was facing what must have been a fifty inch plasma screen TV. This place really was amazing.

Santana ran down the steps and jumped at Dylan who caught her in his arms. "It is, but if I move in here with you, then where do I sleep?" he looked around sceptically; there was only one bedroom in this entire place. "As much as I love you, I don't really want to share a bed with you. What if we bring someone home?" he whispered the last part under his breath so that the estate agent didn't hear them.

"Don't worry about that. There's a bed that pulls out of the wall over here." The other woman stated – clearly with some sort of super hearing - as she walked over to the other side of the room just behind the sofa and pulled down a double bed that had been perfectly disguised into the wall. Dylan frowned. It didn't look very comfortable. "Why don't you try it?"

The man walked over and sat down on the bed, he bounced up and down a few times before laying down slowly. "Oh Jesus. I'm in love. I'm getting married to this bed. I'm giving up on men and getting married to a bed." He moaned. This had got to be the most comfortable bed he had ever lain on in his life. "Lopez, you have to try this." He stood up and pushed Santana towards the bed.

She smirked at how excited he seemed and sat down on the bed. Her whole body immediately relaxed into the comfortable mattress. "Holly shit. I want this one!" she shouted.

"No! You have the big one! Mine. Get off. Get off." Dylan pushed Santana's side until she rolled off of the bed and landed on her butt on the floor.

"So I guess you will take it?" The estate agent asked with a smug smile.

Both Dylan and Santana nodded eagerly and walked over to the woman. "Where do I sign?"

Marco walked into the kitchen where Santana was helping to cook the Thanksgiving dinner and placed a stack of mail down on the counter. "You have a letter here, Mija. It's from New York." Santana didn't even look up from what she was doing, she just shrugged her shoulders. Even though inside her mind was screaming and her heart had begun to race. She didn't want to see what the letter said. It was most likely from Brittany telling her how much she hated her for leaving. She didn't want to hurt anymore. She didn't want to know how much Brittany despised her for leaving.

Marco stood next to his daughter and began to cut up the vegetables, behind him was his brother Orlando and his son Anton. Marco had invited them round after begging Santana and promising her that they would not tell anyone she was here. Orlando was only three years older than his brother and looked almost identical to each other, the only way to tell they weren't twins was the almost silver hair of the older brother and almost twice as many wrinkles. Sadly, Orlando's wife had passed away not so long after Anton had been born so he had been a single parent for five years. "Sorry we're late, there must have been an accident earlier today a couple of miles away. Police were just finishing cleaning up so there was traffic for miles." Orland sighed tiredly.

"S'tana!" a scream came from the doorway of the kitchen causing the Latina the spin round with a beaming smile.

"Ant!" she cheered loudly and bent down just in time to catch the small child on her arms. Anton was much too small for his age but was completely and utterly adorable in every way. He had dark skin like the rest of his family but bright blue eyes that were replicas of his mothers. "How you been little man?" Anton squealed when Santana began to tickle his stomach.

"S'tana. Stop!" he giggled until tears were falling from his eyes and breathless. "I been good." He smiled sweetly and wrapped his arms around Santana's neck.

"Santana." Orlando's voice pulled Santana from her little cousin and towards him. "How've you been? It seems like forever since I've seen you." He gave her a quick hug and chuckled as Anton ran off towards the living room with a small toy.

"I've been fine thank you, sick of hospitals now though." She chuckled. He nodded his head in understanding. His wife had spent the best part of three years going in and out of hospitals until it was no use anymore.

"It'll all be worth it in the end though. You'll find a new heart I know it." he gave her a reassuring smile and tapped her on the back. There was something in his voice that made Santana actually believe him. It had been so long, she had been waiting so long and still, nothing had change, nothing life changing anyway. She was so sick of getting bad news.

Two months ago she had been so close to finding a new heart, she had gotten so excited and even started to celebrate but all it took to ruin everything was one phone call and one outbreak in some infection to crush everything.

She was lying on the sofa with Anton sitting on her stomach as he ran his toy car along her arms and legs. The dinner was still being cooked and she was trying to stop herself from falling asleep. Her ICD had gone off at least twice today and she was beginning to feel drained.

"S'tana?" Anton's voice caused the Latina's eyes to snap open.

"Yeah?" she asked softly and ruffled his hair.

The small boy hesitated for a moment and his lip pouted ever so slightly in thought. "Where's Brittany?" Santana's heart dropped at Anton's words and she had to bite down on her lip to stop the tears from escaping. How was he to know what was going on? He wouldn't understand the dynamics of love and relationships.

"She's in New York." Santana stated simply, she looked away and hoped that he wouldn't ask any more questions or wouldn't see her eyes filling with tears.

"Why?"

Santana closed her eyes and tried to keep herself from getting irritated with the small child. When she opened them back up, she was met by ocean blue eyes and she couldn't help be reminded of Brittany's. Oh so sweet Brittany and her innocent questions. "Because that's where she lives now, she has a job and friends there." She explained as simply as she could.

Anton's brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to piece together what Santana was trying to explain. "Why are you here and not with her?"

"Because I have a job, friends and family here." she could feel the pain throbbing in her chest or was that her heart playing up again? She didn't care right now; she couldn't get the image of Brittany out of her head. Her hand slowly moved down to her pocket where she had slipped in the letter when she walked out of the kitchen and hoped that her father hadn't seen her giving into her curiosity.

She pulled out the yellow envelope and stared at the handwriting in the front of it. _Quinn. _She thought, slightly confused as to why the blonde would be sending her a letter but slightly relieved that it wasn't Brittany. Her heart began to race painfully in her chest as she tore the paper open, her ICD began to send tingles to her heart but she ignored the pain.

There were two pieces of paper concealed inside. The first one was a letter.

_Santana, if you ever get this letter I just want you to know that no matter what, you will always be my best friend. I love you like a sister and I always have and stupidly always will even if I don't know where the hell you are. _

_But I don't understand why you ran away. I don't think I ever will. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell any of us? Why did you run away in the first place? And no matter how much I love you, I will always hate you for leaving us like that. You left without even saying goodbye, just disappeared like we didn't deserve your time. _

_How could you do that to Brittany? She was your girlfriend! She loved you more than anyone could ever imagine and you broke her. You broke her in half and there is absolutely no way she can be fixed. Not after what you did to her. You turned the happiest person alive into a depressed mess. _

_I hope you're happy with yourself, Santana-_

Santana's hands were shaking so much and her eyes were clouded over so thick that she couldn't see the paper in her hands anymore. Her cheeks were soaked with her tears and her breath was shaking.

No she wasn't happy with herself, not one bit. She wished she hadn't left the people she loved the way she did. She was only trying to protect them.

"S'tana?" Anton's voice caused Santana to look away from the paper. "Why are you crying?" he reached out with his hands and wiped away the tears from her cheeks. "Are you hurted?" he jutted his lip out into an adorable pout and began searching her body for anywhere she could be hurting.

"No, no. I'm not hurt. I'm just sad." She explained between sobs. Anton wrapped his arms around Santana's neck.

"Can I make you feel better?" he asked sadly.

Santana just shook her head. "No, I've been a bad person. I don't deserve to be happy."

"Everyone d'ervs to be happy, S'tana." He kissed her cheek softly. "Even bad people, but I know you isn't a bad person because you're the kindest and sweetest person I know." He said surely causing a wide smile to form on Santana's lips.

"You really think so?" he nodded and climbed off of her body and wandered through to the kitchen. Santana looked back down at the letter in her hand; she couldn't read any more of it. She knew Quinn was pissed, but she didn't want to read about how bad she had fucked up Brittany's life. She folded the paper back up and was about to put it back in the envelope when she remembered the other letter. She frowned as she pulled it out; there was something familiar about this.

Her heart stopped when she unfolded the paper, it literally stopped in her chest. Her ICD set off furiously in her chest and she screamed out in pain. Her hands clenched around the paper in her hands.

Her dad came running in and crouched by her side. "Mija?" Santana held up her hand and shook her head as if to say 'I'm fine'. Anton came running in a second later and clutched the Latina's ankle.

"S'tana? Don't be sad." He began to cry, loud, louder than Santana's own cries of pain.

Like the noise in the house couldn't get any worse, a phone started ringing somewhere in the kitchen and Orlando came running in with it in his hand. His face was a mixture of excitement and panic.

"It's the hospital. It's important." He shoved it in Marco's face who quickly answered it while Orlando helped Santana to sit up in her seat. Marco's eyes grew wide as he answered the phone with 'yes'' and head nods until his eyes flickered up to Santana with a wide smile that reached his eyes. "On our way." was the last thing he said before he snapped his phone shut. There was a moment's pause as he reached out and took Santana's hands and gave them a squeeze. "We've got you a heart, San."

It was like everything went silent in the Latina's ears. Everything slowed down to slow motion, even when she was being carried out to the car by her father when she was too frozen to stand up. She could see her father's lips moving as he spoke to her but she couldn't form words to answer him. Anton was jumping around in the back seat singing something that sounded like 'if you're happy and you know it' and Orlando tried to grab him to sit him down but the little boy kept jumping up and clapping his hands loudly. She clenched her fists around the piece of paper still in her hand. She didn't want to look at so she slipped it into her back pocket as she tried hard not to move her chest too much so she wouldn't scream out in pain like she wanted to.

_This is it; I'm going to be okay! I'm going to live and I'm going to be happy and healthy. _A small smile began to form at the corner of her lips. _I can go back to New York! I'm going to have a freaking heart! _

Santana's smile faded as her thoughts began to completely take over her mind.

_What if they don't want to see me? Quinn said she hates me... what if Brittany does too?_

Her thoughts were all Santana could hear and concentrate on up until the moment she was given the anaesthetic and began to black out completely. Her life was about to change even more.


	28. Chapter 28

Things are going to start getting exciting soon! I'm sorry if this story has been a little boring latey but it's all part of the big reunion ;) and it's all connected in some way or another so just hold in there a little longer. One more chapter after this then they will be together again... but does that necessarily Brittany will take Santana back ;)

well here's chapter 28! Hope you all enjoy it.

please review because i love you all!

* * *

Chapter 28

**Brittany: 6 months after Santana left – December**

"Don't!" Brittany reached out drunkenly into thin air as Quinn threw another bottle of whisky off of the fire escape. "Fuck you, Quinn!" she shouted angrily at the shorter blonde. "That cost a fortune!"

"I'm sick of finding you passed out of the bedroom floor. I'm sick of having to clean up smashed bottles that you've dropped. And you know what else I'm sick of? You. I'm sick of you complaining all the time about how much you hate life." Quinn screamed at Brittany as she climbed back in through the window. "You think you're the only one that's upset about Santana leaving? She was my best friend, Brittany! I loved her too." Quinn waved her hands around in the air as she stormed over to where Brittany was standing in the middle of the room.

"Can we all just calm down please?" Rachel sat on the sofa whilst her fingers rubbed small circles into her temples and her eyes clenched shut. The two blonde's had been at this for an hour now and didn't show any signs of stopping any time soon. To Rachel's displeasure the two girls ignored her pleading and carried on screaming at each other.

"She was my girlfriend, Quinn!" the dancer yelled at the top of her lungs, her face was turning bright red and the anger was burning deep in her chest. "You have no idea how I'm feeling." Her words were slurred and she swayed slightly in her spot.

"You need to get over her, Brittany. You've turned yourself into a walking, talking shell of depression and frankly, I'm sick of it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and sort your life out." Quinn snapped as she pointed her finger in Brittany's face. It was scary how angry they were with each other, they had never argued before. It was always Quinn and Santana arguing or Santana and Brittany, never the two blondes. With all the anger and other intense emotions that the pair had been feeling lately, they hadn't had any way to let it all out so they were taking it out on each other.

Rachel jumped up off of the sofa, picked up the half full box of alcohol and carried it back to her own room before Quinn could throw any more out of the window and potentially maim or kill any passers-by on the sidewalk. She understood that Quinn was only trying to keep Brittany safe but she didn't understand why she had to be so forceful and aggressive about things. If she took a calmer approach to things…

Rachel's thoughts were cut off when Brittany began screaming again.

"I don't have a life without Santana. I don't want a life without her." Brittany grabbed at her hair in frustration and let out a mixture of a growl and a grunt as she stormed off towards the kitchen.

_Brittany gasped as something cold hit her face. She sat up straight and wiped madly at her face. "What the fuck?" she shouted in confusion. Her body was soaked in water and small drops were dripping off of her nose and eyelashes. She tried to stand up but the pounding in her head and the dizziness that suddenly hit her caused her to collapse back to the floor and land on an empty bottle. "Ugh." She grunted as she looked around the room. She breathed in deeply through her nose to try and calm the nausea that washed over her. _

_Quinn towered over her with an empty bowl in her hands. Her face was cold and full of anger as she stared down at the hung-over blonde. "What the fuck did you do?" she growled. Her words were laced with venom. Brittany tipped her head to the side; she didn't understand what the blonde was talking about. "Look at the mess of the room. Look at the mess of you." Quinn waved her hand out in front of her and gestured at Santana's clothes that were thrown everywhere, the many empty bottles of vodka that scattered the bed and some of the floor and then to Brittany. Blonde hair stuck up in all directions, there was dark purple bags under her usually sparkling blue eyes that were now clouded and bloodshot. Her clothes were soaked in water but Quinn was pretty sure most of it was vodka and her clothes were creased and stained. Brittany clenched her eyes shut and covered her ears with her hands to block out Quinn's voice, the light in the room was far too bright and now her head was pounding so hard she wouldn't have been surprised if her skull exploded. "You need to stop this. You're going to end up in hospital or worse, dead." Quinn yelled as she stormed out of Brittany's bedroom not before throwing the empty bowl forcefully at Brittany's body. _

Brittany poured herself a glass of water and popped out some Advil into the palm of her hand. She took a sip of the cool water and sighed as it trickled down her throat then swallowed the pills. "Just leave me alone, Quinn." Brittany sighed exasperatedly when she heard the tapping of Quinn's bare feet against the tiled floor of the kitchen. "I don't need you to look after me and I _really_ don't need you telling me how to live my life." she kept her back to the other blonde so she wouldn't have to see the disappointed look in her eyes.

"Brittany, we both know that if me and Rach weren't here for you, you would be god knows where by now." Quinn said softly, all the anger from earlier had dissipated and had now been replaced by the love for her best friend. "I just don't want to lose anyone else."

Brittany slowly turned around to face Quinn as tears slowly began to escape both girls' eyes. "I'm so angry with her for leaving me." Brittany slammed the glass down onto the counter; some of its contents spilled over the edge and trailed down her hand. "I don't mean to get angry with you, I just want the pain to go away and drinking helps to numb it." she explained as she tried her best to steady her voice so that the other girl could understand her. "I just want to feel better."

Quinn nodded and walked over to Brittany. "I know, we all have different ways of coping with pain but this isn't the good way. It's going to end up killing you." She said calmly and wrapped her arms securely around the taller girls frame.

"I know, but it's just easier this way."

"What about dancing?"

"There's only so much dancing I can do before I get tired. And lately that's all I am, _tired_." Brittany sighed.

"Well how about I take you to work and you can dance for a while then when you get tired I will take you out for lunch and we can help each other to forget for a while." Quinn offered. "It's better than drinking yourself into oblivion."

Brittany pulled away and smiled with a week nod. "That sounds good."

Brittany let out a breathy chuckle as the both of them lay flat out on their backs with heaving chests after the intense dance session they had just had. It was the end of the day and Brittany's class had just left, they had begged for Quinn to join in with them and no matter how bad she was at keeping up they all enjoyed her company. Quinn had definitely done well at keeping Brittany's mind off of a certain Latina.

"Oh my god." Quinn panted out between giggles. "How do you manage to do this every day?"

Brittany rolled over onto her stomach so she could see Quinn better. Beads of sweat was dripping down the side of her face and disappearing into her hairline, her cheeks were a deep rosy red and her lips were parted as she gasped for breath.

"You really did lose it after Beth didn't you?" Brittany teased lightly causing Quinn to laugh and nod as best as she could in her breathless state.

"That's probably the only down side to having a baby." She muttered as she stood up and walked to the drinks machine. Brittany was about to ask if giving Beth up was worse but thought it would maybe offend Quinn. So instead she chose to change the subject.

"You going to take me out for lunch now?" she asked smugly. Quinn turned and nodded and quickly threw her bag over her shoulder. She followed Brittany out of the door, limping slightly from doing so much dancing.

"Where would you like to go?"

"_Vibez_? It feels like I haven't been there in forever."

Before Quinn could reply a voice shouted Brittany's name out from behind them, both girls turned around to see Kristen racing down the corridor with a beaming smile on her face.

"What's wrong?"

"You will never guess what! Oh my god!" Kristen gushed and started to scream and jump up and down on the spot. "I've just got a call from an organiser of this dance show in LA!" she was screaming so loud Brittany was flinching every time a word would leave the brunettes lips. "Oh hi, Quinn." She noticed the shorter blonde long enough to acknowledge her. "And they want you, your group and me to represent New York City in it! Can you believe it?"

Brittany had begun screaming before Kristen had even finished talking. "That's amazing! When is it?"

"The sixteenth to the twentieth. The only bad thing is that we have to pay for our own hotel rooms." Kristen sighed.

"That'll cost a fortune; I don't have that kind of money." Brittany pouted.

"Don't worry; you can share with me if you like? I'll get a two bed room." Kristen offered. There was something in the girl's voice that made Quinn feel slightly uneasy, it was obvious that Kristen had feelings for Brittany but the blonde didn't want Kristen taking advantage of Brittany when she was so broken.

"Thanks tha-" Brittany was cut off suddenly when Quinn butted in.

"How about you call Marco, B? You haven't seen him in such a long time; I know he would be happy to see you. Who knows maybe Santana is with him, or he might at least know where she is. This might give you a chance to finally get over her?" Quinn hated bringing up Santana but there was no way she was going to let Kristen wiggle her way into Santana's spot. There was just something about the brunette that made her insides ice over. Brittany's face turned pale and a sickly feeling formed in her stomach and the room began spinning around her. However, there was something deep down in her mind that was screaming at her to call the man, or was it screaming at her because there was a chance she would see the woman she loved so much after so long? She didn't know but the panic she was feeling was stopping her from forming any coherent thoughts. "I'll come with you if you like? That way we can face her together. But she might not even be there so really it could just be a nice holiday to the beach." Quinn offered when she saw the panic rising within her best friend.

Brittany felt herself begin to calm slightly at Quinn's offer. It would be better if she came with her, it would also be better if she didn't start having a panic attack with every thought of seeing Santana again. "Okay." Brittany nodded with a small smile. "But can we go and get something to eat first? I'm staring."

"Sure. Kristen, you're welcome to join us?" Quinn asked when she felt bad about 'cock blocking' her. Kristen smiled and nodded as she followed the two blonde's out of the dance studio.

They had the unfortunate timing of leaving the building just as the rain began to hammer down and when Brittany tried to flag down a cab there wasn't a sign of yellow for as far as the eye could see. Quinn grunted and pulled the bottom of her coat up over the back of her head to form a little shelter and began to run down the streets without bothering to wait for the other two women.

Brittany screamed as the rain turned into hail and began to bounce up off of the sidewalk and hit her bare calves. _Good day to wear cut offs, Britt. _She thought sarcastically to herself.

Mark couldn't hold back his burst of laughter when three dripping wet women walked into his bar. _Wanky. _Drops of water trailed behind them as they walked over to the bar where he and some other staff were standing ready to serve people. "And what can I get you three fine ladies." He smirked and looked them up and down. "How about some towels or maybe a spare change of clothes?" he mused with a wink.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Can we get some menus." She held out her hand expectantly for him to place them in. "And some towels would be nice. Thanks." She muttered with a slight edge of annoyance in her tone and led the other girls over to a table in the far corner away from anyone else. Brittany gave the other blonde a curious look.

"What's wrong, Q?" She asked quietly.

Quinn looked over to Kristen who was too preoccupied with drying her hair to hear them. "I don't like her." She stated simply with a shrug of her shoulders.

Brittany's brow furrowed in confusion; she didn't understand who Quinn was talking about. Could it be Santana? Brittany knew that the shorter girl was mad at the Latina but she was sure she didn't hate her or anything. "Who?" She whispered quietly so no one could hear their conversation. Quinn rolled her eyes, she turned her head towards Kristen and then back to her friend.

Brittany's eyes widened in realisation. "Kristen?" she gasped. "Why did you invite her to come with us then?"

"Because I didn't want to be rude, and you like her." she explained. "But there's just something about her that makes my insides cringe."

"I think she's nice." Brittany muttered. She didn't know whether to stand up for the brunette or not. Quinn was her best friend but she didn't see why Quinn wouldn't like her.

"Because she _is_ nice. But I just have the feeling that she's trying to fill in Santana's spot. She likes you but she's definitely not good enough for you."

"What? And Santana is? She left us Quinn. She left me." Brittany snapped. Her anger from earlier that day bubbled up to the surface. "She's not coming back, you said so yourself. So why can't I move on? Why can't I be with someone who wants to be with me?" She slammed her hand down onto the table.

"Do you want _her _to be the one you move on with? Or do you want to be with someone you actually-" Quinn was cut off before she could finish speaking.

Kristen's head snapped up from her menu and gave the two blonde's a questioning look. "Are you okay?" she reached out to place a hand on top of Brittany's but the blonde pulled away when she saw Quinn glaring at the gesture.

"I'm fine." She pushed her chair out and stood up. "I'm going to go and call Marco and get this shit out of the way." She snapped and wandered off towards the bar.

Kristen stood up to go after her but Quinn place a hand on her arm, "Don't, I'll go. We'll be right back." She gave the brunette a reassuring smile and sauntered off towards the blonde.

Brittany sat on the bar stool with her head resting in her arms. Her phone sat next to her with her glass of whisky, she couldn't bring herself to dial the number she had spent the last four months stopping herself from dialling. She had resisted the urge so much that now that she finally had the chance and was actually allowing herself to do so, she couldn't do it. She physically couldn't.

She turned her head to the side and stared longingly at her phone; the screen was black and showed no sign of life. Brittany reached forward but just as she was about to grab her phone her hand moved to the right and picked up her glass instead and quickly gulped down the brown liquid. It burned the back of her throat and she cringed at the taste but that didn't stop her from ordering another one straight after.

"Don't you think you should slow down on the alcohol?" a familiar voice came from behind her.

"Don't you think you should keep out of my business?" Brittany retorted to the man behind the bar.

"I'm just looking out for you, Brittany." Blaine defended himself.

Brittany looked up and felt a pang of guilt in her gut. She didn't mean to lash out at people, but it had started happening a lot more over the months and she couldn't stop it. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I'm just not feeling that good."

The man reached over and placed his hand on top of hers. "I understand. I mean, I know that's how I would be acting if Kurt left me-" Blaine cut himself off when he saw the pain in Brittany's eyes. He could tell she was trying to keep it from showing on her face but it was so blatantly obvious she was hurting. "I'm sorry, Brittany." He whispered and pulled the blonde into an awkward hug over the bar top.

The blonde pulled out of the hug and pointed to her empty glass. "Hit me up, Warbler." She smirked almost drunkenly. Blaine frowned but did as he was requested. He hated watching the girl drink until she was unconscious and he would have to carry her all the way back to her apartment. Blaine knew that whenever Quinn or Rachel would find a stash of alcohol in Brittany's room they would throw it away which left Brittany without a way of blocking out the pain, she would then end up wandering down to the bar instead. He hated Santana for doing this to Brittany; the blonde was so broken beyond repair.

Blaine understood why Santana had left and maybe he didn't blame her for running, maybe he would have done the same in her position but the Latina had completely destroyed Brittany and it was that he would never understand. How could someone hurt someone as lovable and innocent as Brittany?

He was pulled from his thoughts when Brittany waved her hand in front of his face. "Hey. Blainey baby! How about a scotch on the rocks for your favourite blonde?" she giggled and swayed on her chair.

"I'm he's favourite blonde." Quinn's voice caused them both to turn and face her. She sent Blaine a look that said 'no more' and he nodded with a relieved smile. Quinn walked over to Brittany and sat on the chair beside her. "Are you okay, Britt?"

"Yes! I'm fine." She slurred but kept her eyes focussed on the blonde sitting next to her.

"When are you going to call Marco?"

Brittany's hazy smile slowly faded from her face. "I do- I… don't know." She sighed and dropped her head into her arms once again. Quinn looked at her with confused eyes. Brittany noticed the girls look and reluctantly elaborated. "I don't know if I can. Every time I try and get this lump in my throat." She explained.

Quinn nodded in understanding and picked up Brittany's phone. "How's about, I press the call button and you can talk," Quinn paused when she saw the panic on Brittany's face. "I promise I'll hold your hand and if you can't talk to him, I will." She quickly added to calm her friend.

Brittany sat and just stared at Quinn for a few quiet seconds. She didn't know what she had done to deserve a friend like her, after the way she had treated the shorter girl these past months, Quinn should have ran, just like her parents did, just like Santana did. Quinn was all Brittany had left, she shouldn't be throwing that away by screaming at her every chance she got and drinking definitely wasn't helping her. She turned to her half full glass and pushed it away from her, a small smile formed on her face with the action.

She nodded once at Quinn and breathed in a long calming breath. The blonde pressed the call button and Brittany took it out of her hand. The phone was cool against her burning face, so cool in fact that it sent shivers down her spine, or was that just nerves? The butterflies in her stomach were definitely from the nerves, that and the mixture of alcohol were beginning to make her feel slightly sick. Why was she getting like this? It wasn't like she had anything against Marco; he was a good man and a good friend. And it wasn't like Santana would be with him.

_Oh shit. _

Just as the thought crossed her mind, a deep voice sounded on the other end of the line. She opened and closed her mouth a few times but no words would form.

Quinn could see the blonde panicking and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and a small smile. Brittany smiled weakly back and turned her gaze to their joined hands. "Hi, Marco. It's Brittany." There was a pause as Quinn watched the panic rise back up inside of Brittany, she could hear the low drone of a voice on the other end of the phone but couldn't make out what he was saying. "It's nice to hear from you too." The panicked look on her face formed into a genuine smile.

Brittany didn't say anything else after that, she let the overwhelming feelings of talking to Marco wash over her. It felt weird talking to this man after so long, she was still in shock that he had actually answered to her, maybe he didn't have her number so he wouldn't have known who she was. She could feel goose bumps erupt all over her body as another thought crossed her mind… _"Is there anything I can do for you?" _Marco asked when Brittany didn't say anything for a few long seconds.

Brittany shook her head to rid the frightening thought from her mind and scrambled for something to say. "Um, yeah actually. I know it's really short notice and kind of out of the blue, but I was wondering if it were possible…" she paused and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. "For me to maybe stay with you from the sixteenth to the twentieth?" there was muffled voices on the other end of the line that Brittany couldn't quite make out. "It's just that I have this really big dance performance in LA and the company that are running it are refusing to pay for accommodation and I'm not exactly earning a lot of money right now and I promise you will barely see me because-"

Brittany was cut off from her rambling by Marco's abrupt interruption. _"Brittany, I would love for you to come and stay with me,"_ he paused and another muffle came from the other end of the line. _"But I'm afraid that I'm visiting family at the moment and I won't be home until New Year's Eve."_ Brittany's smile dropped at the Latino's words.

"Oh, that's fine. It's okay." Brittany glued a fake smile to her face even though he couldn't see but Quinn could see the disappointment on the blonde's face. "It was nice speaking to you again, Marco."

"_I'm sorry, Brittany. It was nice speaking to you too." _ His voice sounded off and his ton was broken, with that the line went dead and Brittany's whole body crumpled over as she buried her face into the crook of Quinn's neck. Brittany could feel something tingling deep down in her gut like she knew something she didn't. She just didn't know what that thing was yet. The blonde could tell Marco felt awkward talking to her; it was obvious in the ton of his voice and there was something in the back of her mind that was curious about the muffled voices she had heard.

"What did he say?" Quinn asked cautiously, she thought she may already know the answer to that already but she wanted to be sure first. Brittany had been having lots of weird mood swings so this could just be her being really happy in her slightly drunken state…

"He said no." she snapped. She pushed away from the shorted blonde and stormed over to Kristen who had been watching the whole interaction with curious eyes.

"Brittany? Are you okay?" the brunette stood up and wrapped an arm around her protectively. She looked back over her shoulder at Quinn who was scowling in their direction. She didn't understand what the girl's problem was with her. She wasn't doing anything wrong. "What happened?"

Brittany just shook her head and buried her face into her hands as she sucked her soda through the bright pink swirly straw that Kristen mussed have ordered for her. "Is your offer still on the table?" Brittany muttered.

Kristen nodded furiously but realised that the blonde couldn't see her, "Yes, yes. It is. Yes." She spluttered out excitedly.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I get so nervous. It's just been so long since I've been on a plane." Brittany explained as blush creped its way up her cheeks. She picked up her suitcase off of the conveyer belt and wheeled it behind her as they made their way out of the airport. They were immediately hit by the bright sun in LA.

Kristen chuckled and flagged down a cab. "When was the last time you flew?" She asked curiously.

Brittany placed her finger and her chin and tapped as she tried to remember the last time she had sat in a plane. "Fourteen years ago." That was a very long time.

The brunettes jaw dropped and her eyes went wide. "Really?" she gasped. "Have you not been on holiday in that long?"

Brittany felt her heart shatter in her chest.

She felt the sadness she had been trying so hard to keep locked away in this past week climb its way back up to the surface. But most of all she felt anger.

Anger towards a certain Latina.

"Oh. Yeah, I've been on holiday. To places like Canada, Mexico and other places, but we always drove." She explained. She could hear the anger lace her own words even though she had tried desperately to keep it hidden.

"Why?" Kristen arched her eyebrow at the blonde.

Brittany hesitated and contemplated telling Kristen. Did she really want to bring Santana up now and risk getting herself upset and angry all over again just to get completely wasted and wake up in a heap on the floor with a raging headache. On the other hand, maybe it would be good to talk to someone about Santana other than Quinn. Maybe it would make her feel better…

"Santana hated flying; she would always get herself into a right state and end up passing out. In the end we decided to drive places, Dad didn't mind. Actually he enjoyed it but when he did want to fly I would refuse to go without Santana. I would tell them that if my best friend wouldn't want to get on a plane then neither would I." Brittany paused as she stared blankly out of the window. She couldn't look at Kristen right now when she was feeling the ache in her chest from calling Santana her 'best friend'. It felt like forever since she had been able to call the Latina that.

_Oh god. _

It had almost been a year since she had been able to call Santana her best friend. It had been six months since she had been able to call Santana her girlfriend.

Brittany didn't turn back to look at Kristen when she placed her hand on top of the blonde's, she didn't turn back when she whispered into Brittany's ear that everything would be okay. The whole car journey to the hotel Brittany sat in complete silence and wallowed in the memories she had shared with Santana. No matter how hard she tried she could never get the Latina out of her mind. She didn't even know if she wanted Santana out of her mind. She didn't want to forget about her.

They had been best friends since they were six. Santana had always been in Brittany's life. She felt empty without her now.

"There's so many people out there!" one of Brittany's students gushed as he pulled his head back behind the massive red curtain that was separating the stage from the dressing rooms and other parts backstage where the different schools from all over the country were waiting nervously for their turn.

"Come on guys!" Brittany called everyone over including Kristen who looked just as excited as the kids. "Does everyone remember their steps?" there was a round of nods from everyone. "Good, everyone try not to let your nerves get the better of you and _smile_." She beamed at the kids just in time for their group to be called over from a man in a black tee shirt with the companies name on and a black headset. Brittany breathed in a deep breath to calm her nerves; apparently she was a lot more nervous than she had been letting on.

She watched anxiously beside Kristen as a group of their kids danced to a hip hop song, some of them doing flips and cartwheels and the others popping and locking to the beat. The blonde had begun to twiddle her thumbs and tap her feet until Kristen reached over with her hand and stilled her movements. "Deep breaths. We're going to be amazing." She reassured Brittany and sent her a warm smile. But before the blonde had a chance to let herself feel Kristen's calming effects, she was pulled onto the stage under the scrutinising gaze of over fifty thousand people as they watched the two girls dance to the remix of 'Merry Christmas Everybody.'

Brittany let her body be taken over by the music, all of her aggression, anger, sadness and every other negative feeling and thought evaporated as she concentrated on the steps and the lifts she had to perform with the taller girl. It was just the two of them on the stage, the rest of the team were standing back stage and were most likely watching them but Brittany could hear or see anyone but Kristen. It was nothing romantic or anything like that but Brittany was focusing hard on the dance and Kristen was a part of the routine.

It was suddenly like everything from the past four months had gone, like nothing had ever happened. Brittany was in a world of her own and that was the best thing for her right now. As long as she was away from all the pain and heart ache of losing Santana, she could get through this depressing time in her life and get back up on her feet.

The heavy beating of the music came to a steady end, beads of sweat dripped off Brittany's face and her chest heaved up and down. A massive grin pulled at her lips as the crowd erupted into a round of applause, she couldn't see past the bright lights but she knew they were there. The rest of their team came out onto the stage to bow and accept the applause as well. She felt Kristen's arms wrap around her waist and before she could do anything to stop if, the brunette was planting a kiss on the girl's cheek.

Without warning, the hairs on the back of her neck erupted and a shiver shot down her spine joined by a fluttering of butterflies in her stomach. It wasn't because she was turned on by the kiss or that she even liked it, she wasn't nervous, scared or cold. It was a familiar sort of feeling that only one person had ever managed to give her. Her heart sped up at the thought of a certain Latina and her eyes automatically squinted to peer into the crowed to where the attraction pulled her towards and past the bright lights that were practically blinding her but it was no use. Everything was black in the audience, it would have been impossible to even see the front row. What was she thinking? Santana wouldn't have been standing somewhere out there in the sea of people. Why would she be? Why would she come to watch Brittany?

That was when another terrifying thought hit her. What if Santana had come to watch someone else? What if the Latina had managed to move on and had found someone else? _Of course she would have moved on. _She _left me. _Brittany thought bitterly to herself.

Kristen nudged her side and gave her a confused look. "Are you okay?" she whispered loudly over the clapping. Brittany gave a weak nod and bowed one last time to hide the panic she knew would be burning in her eyes before letting herself be led off the stage. "Brittany?" Kristen asked but the blonde just held up her hand and ran towards her dressing room leaving the rest of the group behind to gush and scream excitedly over how well their performance had gone.

She didn't want to let anyone see her cry over a girl that she hadn't seen in over six months. She didn't want them to see how pathetic she was.

**Santana: 6 months later – December **

She didn't think she could feel any worse. After all, look at where she was stood. But she couldn't have been more wrong, the early December weather was just adding to her horrible mood. Sleet and hail was falling heavily and bounced off of the black umbrella – not even the huge willow trees that surrounded them could shelter them – which Dylan held over her father and herself. She was thankful that the blonde man had offered to come with her, she didn't know how well she would have been able to hold herself together with her father sobbing the way her was into her shoulder of her blazer.

Santana held on tightly to the two men as she clenched her teeth and closed her eyes tightly to stop her own tears from falling. She couldn't let her entire family see how vulnerable she was even though most of them were in a worse state than Marco was.

Across from where Santana stood, her abuela glared coldly at her but the brunette just ignored her. She knew how her family must think of her and Marco right now but how pathetic must they be to judging the pair in a time like this? At first she had felt uncomfortable when she had sat down in the church and then as everyone walked out to where they would be lowering the coffin but now, now she didn't care what anyone thought of her. No one could feel as disgusted and infuriated with her than she did herself.

The sleet seemed to get heavier and eventually turned into thick flakes of snow that didn't melt when they landed on her all black clothes. She looked over to the priest who was carefully wiping it off of his robe while he carried on to read from the bible, Santana could hear him talking, she could see his lips moving but she couldn't take anything in he was actually saying. Her head was just full of white noise now.

Santana leaned closer to her father and wrapped her arm around his waist. His whole body was shuddering as sobs racked through him, his collar was soaking from all of his tears and his nose had turned red, whether that was from the cold weather or not she couldn't quite tell. On her other side, Santana felt Dylan squeeze her hand as he sent her a loving look. "Are you okay?" he whispered softly.

Santana just shrugged. The truth was she didn't quite know how she felt at this very moment. She did feel very overwhelmed however and just wanted to collapse down into a heap in the grass and cry. She shook her head to try and calm the sudden build-up of emotions she could feel down in her chest and breathed in deep through her nose.

That did nothing to calm her when the coffin was finally beginning to lower into the six foot hole in the ground. A quiet sob pushed its way up her throat and out of her mouth, she couldn't keep it back as her eyes clouded over and a river of tears began to fall from her eyes and soaked her cheeks. The two men either side of her held her tight and watched at close family dropped a handful of soil on top of the wooden lid. For some reason Santana and Marco hadn't felt offended that they weren't one of those people. Maybe it was understandable.

Santana quickly swiped at her cheeks but it was no use, they kept falling and falling and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. Her eyes flickered up to the headstone, black marble with gold paint that read:

_**R.I.P**_

_**Maribel Lopez**_

_**Wife, Mother and loving daughter**_

_**1962-2014**_

Santana stared numbly at the headstone red hot anger flashed in front of her eyes. She wasn't angry with her mother per say, well she was, she was angry that she had left Santana without saying good bye. Of course they had had their ups and downs – mainly downs – but that didn't mean that Santana didn't love her mother.

_Santana hated waking up to that noise, that irritating beeping. It seemed never ending as it monitored the beats of her heart. _Oh god. _She thought as her memories all came rushing back to her in a flurry of flashing images. Excitement and happiness flared up in side of her, she couldn't help the weak smile that was tugging at the corners of her lips. _

_Suddenly, somewhere in the room a pair of curtains was pulled open causing Santana's eye lids to glow red and she flinch away from the brightness that caused a faint throbbing to form in the back of her head. She groaned in annoyance as her chest pulled tight and a shot of pain seer through her. "Ugh." _

"_S'tana?" the familiar sweet voice caused her eyes to flicker open and the weak smile on her lips to grow even bigger as blue eyes stared deeply into her own. "You still sad?" _

"_Hey there, little man." She croaked out and carefully reached to ruffle his hair. "No, I'm happy now don't worry." She reassured Anton who just beamed up at her and began to clamber up onto the bed until Marco came up behind him and pulled him up into his arms. _

"_Whoa, calm down there, Ant. You don't want to hurt Santana now do we?" Marco pulled his gaze away from the little boy in his arms and turned to his daughter. "How are you feeling there, baby?" he crouched down beside her and held her hand tight. Anton reached out with his own hand and placed it carefully on her cheek. _

"_I'm hungry." She mumbled and shifted as best as she could so that she was sitting up but only managed to get halfway before giving up. "And tired." _

_Marco laughed but it wasn't like his usual full of life laugh, this one was sad and as Santana looked closer at her father she noticed that he looked completely drained, maybe even more so than she was. She was about to ask him if everything was okay when a tall blonde man walked into the room carrying a bag of what looked like food. Santana smiled widely at Dylan. _

"_Hey! You're awake!" he cheered as he climbed onto the bottom of her bod and crossed his legs Indian style. "How are you feeling?" before Santana could answer Anton jumped in. _

"_She's hungry and tired." He smiled as he climbed into Dylan's lap. "She looks like a ghost." He whispered loudly into the man's ear causing him to chuckle. _

"_That she does." Dylan winked at the Latina. "This little man has been telling me all sorts of stories about you, S." he tilted his head towards Anton who was pushing a toy car up and down Santana's legs. "He said you're the best tickler in the world." Anton nodded in agreement but Santana just blushed furiously at the double meaning Dylan was referring too. _

"_Shut up." She mumbled and tried to hide her face in her hands. She decided to change the subject before she was died of embarrassment. "So, are you going to tell me what happened?" _

"_The doctors on his way. He'll tell you everything but there's something I want to tell you first…" there was a sudden darkness that formed in Marco's eyes that Santana had only ever seen in her own when she first found out about her heart condition. She suddenly began to feel nervous and her palms began to sweat as she waited for Dylan to take Anton out of the room saying that they were going to go buy a new toy. Anton raced down the hall screaming in delight. "Santana," Marco started awkwardly. He looked down nervously at his hands that were balled up in his lap. "You were given a new heart-"_

"_Oh god. My body rejected it, didn't it? I'm going to die." Santana slurred out as her mind immediately jumped to the worse conclusion before her father had a chance to even explain. Tears were already forming in her eyes. _

"_No! No. Your body hasn't rejected it, you've been asleep for four days straight and everything is going fine. Don't worry." He placed a hand on her arm and squeezed reassuringly. "Do you remember when Orlando and Anton were late for dinner the other day?" Santana nodded, she was confused as to where this was going. "He said there had been a car accident earlier that day. It turns out it was your mother in the car." Santana's mouth fell open and her eyes widened. She didn't say anything or tell her father to stop talking even though she had a faint idea where the conversation was now heading. "She was on her way to work when she pulled onto the highway but she can't have seen a lorry coming the other way. Her car was flipped over three times and the roof had been torn off." He paused to steady his breathing. "By the time the ambulances finally got there she was already unconscious." _

_Santana squeezed her eyes tightly shut and a few tears rolled down her cheeks. _

"_It was too late to save her when they got to the hospital but when they found out that she was an organ donor and had requested pacifically for her heart to be given to you if needed, the doctors didn't hesitate in beginning the procedure." Santana was shaking her head in disbelief. She didn't want to believe was Marco was telling her, she didn't want to listen to him telling her that her mother had died and now she had her heart. "Normally doctors don't allow that sort of thing to happen, you know, request to give your heart to someone. But considering you were so high up on the list and your body was less likely to reject the heart they went along with it." he stated softly, his own tears now fell and his hands were shaking. _

"_She's dead?" Santana words were broken and full of pain. She never expected to feel like this when she woke up with a new heart and the knowledge that she wasn't going to die anytime soon. Instead she was full of pain and anger. Everything she knew she shouldn't be feeling waking up from a life changing surgery. _

_Marco nodded sadly. _

Santana had collapsed down on her knees more than five minutes ago as her mind was flooded with the memory. She was sobbing loudly into her hands and drawing the attention of the rest of her family. Whenever Marco or Dylan would try to pick her up she would swing her arms out in their direction and tell them to go to hell. It wasn't exactly the best thing to be screaming in front of a priest in a cemetery but that didn't stop her from doing it.

The snow she was sitting in had soaked through her dress and was now turning her legs a deep purple as she clung to the ground beneath her. "Come on, Santana. Let's go." Marco whispered into her ear as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"N-no! Let me go. Put me down!" She screamed at the top of her lungs as he hauled her off of the ground and over his shoulder. This time he wasn't taking no for an answer. She slammed her fists down hard into his bark but the man was very well built and didn't falter as he made his way back to the car, Dylan and Orlando in tow with a sleeping Anton in his arms.

They had to leave in three hours for the airport so they could fly back to California. Maribel's mother and father had been adamant on organising the funeral therefore it was only right – in their minds – that she be buried back in Lima. Santana hadn't wanted to come at first, she was scared of the looks her family would have been giving her and her father and also in case she bumped into any of Brittany's relatives but when her and Marco had gotten into an argument over it he had told her to stop being so selfish and that she needed to pay her respects to her mother.

Santana was curled up in a ball in the back seat on the car. Her head was resting in Dylan's lap and her feet were being hugged by Anton who had finally been woken up by Santana's screaming.

Eventually, it was Santana's turn to finally fall asleep and was left mumbling incoherently as she dreamt of her mother but soon morphed in a certain blonde she longed to see after so long. Brittany would have known how to make her feel better.

It was no New York, but California sure did know how to make the streets look Christmassy. It had been almost two weeks since the funeral and almost four since Santana has gotten her new heart and so far, everything was going well. Surprisingly well… Dylan had his arm wrapped securely around Santana's shoulders as they walked towards the coffee shop to meet Marco, Orlando and Anton. Orlando had decided it would be best to stay for a few more weeks just to keep an eye on Marco since he was living alone again, Santana had offered to move back in for a month or so but her father was adamant that he was fine when clearly he wasn't.

"How're you feeling?" Dylan asked as they rounded a corner.

Santana shrugged, "I'm fine." She did her best to avoid any eye contact, scared that he might realise she was lying. "I mean everything is going good now, I have a heart that works, I'm taking my meds, and I have you, my dad and little Anton. And best of all, I'm alive! Could it get any better?" she cringed at her question and the slightest bit of sarcasm that had laced her words. She didn't mean to say that. It was just a sarcastic comment she had been asking herself over the past week or so. Of course it could be better. Anything could be better than what she had been feeling lately.

"Yes." He stated simply. "Yes it could be better and you know it. Do you want to talk about it?" Dylan asked her softly.

"What's there to talk about? My mom's dead, it's not like I even saw her this past year. Nothing's changed. Not really." She shrugged. This conversation was getting too close to what she didn't want to be talking about right now. She was never good with feelings.

"You shouldn't keep everything locked up you know." He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Please, just talk to me. Let yours walls down just for a little while." The blonde begged his best friend.

"There's nothing else to say, Dylan just leave it." she snapped. "Can we just go? I don't want to talk about this." She was avoiding the one thing that she was scared about talk about most and he knew it.

He stopped in his tracks but reached out and grabbed Santana's arm when she carried on walking. He knew that she was avoiding this; she had been avoiding it ever since the funeral. "I don't understand what you're still doing here, S."

Santana shot him a confused look and crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Santana. What are you still doing _here_? You have a new heart; you know you're not going to die. Why haven't you gone back to New York? It's not like there's really anything tying you to this place." Santana flinched and backed away from the man. She couldn't talk about this now. Too much had happened in the space of a month for her to talk about going back to _her_.

"If you hadn't notice I've just gotten out of hospital. I'm not leaving my dad when he's just buried the love of his life and I have you here, you're my best friend." She snapped, her face was inches from Dylan's as anger boiled up in her stomach. This was it, all of the pain and emotions she had been keeping bottled up over the past six months were getting ready to explode. She could feel them coming, feel them shipping away at her walls and breaking their way through to let everyone see her pain.

"I was just saying that maybe you should go back-"

"Don't tell me what to do." She jabbed her finger into his chest. He was a good foot taller than her but that didn't stop him from feeling tiny in the presence of her. "I can't go back there. You have no idea what it's like for me. I fucked everything up so bad when I left her, do you really think she is going to want to see me again? They all hate me now. And to be honest, I don't blame them. No amount of their hate can add up to more than the hate I have for myself." She snarled as she began to slam her palm against her own chest. She turned her back on the man as she began to walk away, only to have him grip her shoulder tightly and slam her against the wall.

"Don't talk to me like I don't know what you're going through, Santana. You have no idea." He spat. His own anger fuelled on bad memories that burned through his blood. "It's not too late to make things right." He gave her shoulder a final shove before walking down towards the coffee shop that was just visible in the Christmas lights that were lighting up the streets.

Santana stood still for a moment as she thought over what Dylan had just told her. Was there still time to make things right? She had read that letter Quinn had sent her, they definitely hated her. That was when her mind wandered to the other thing Quinn had sent her.

The bucket list.

_Marco reached out to hold her hand once more but this time she pulled away. "Don't touch me." she spat harshly causing Marco to back away from his daughter in surprise. Her tears were still falling from the news she had just been given and her fist were clenched roughly by her sides._

"_Do you want me to leave you alone for a while?" he asked sadly. Santana just nodded and avoided his gaze. "Oh, the nurses found this in your jeans pocket." He whispered to her softly as he stood up to leave. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a piece of neatly folded paper that Santana recognised immediately. _

"_Get rid of it." she snapped and shot him a cold glare before he could even hand it over to her. "I don't want it." _

_His brows furrowed in confusion. "But it's your bucket list. You haven't finished it-" _

"_I said get rid of it!" she screamed. She was too angry and probably in shock to even care about what she was saying right now. But the truth was that list was Quinn's idea. And the only reason she had started it in the first place was to please Brittany, she knew that the blonde wanted to take the Latina's mind off of everything that was going on and Santana knew that to make a list was probably the best way to do that. But now that she wasn't going to die she had no reason for it anymore. She had no reason to take her mind off of anything. And all that the list was going to do was remind her of Brittany. The woman she loved and left behind to keep her safe. She didn't need the bucket list anymore. She didn't want to face the pain that it would cause her. _

_Her father shook his head and placed the list back into his pocket. She glared at his retreating form then spun her head around to look at the wires and tubes hanging off of her body. She wanted nothing more than to scream and rip them off herself. She hated this. She hated being in this hospital and everything about her situation._

Santana didn't know what to do anymore. It was like she was stuck in some sort of limbo. She wanted desperately to go back to her _Britt-Britt,_ she wanted to go back and be able to start everything from where they left off, but how could she when she had surely broken the blonde's heart trying to keep her safe from exactly that? Brittany would hate her and Santana was sure of it. That's why she couldn't go back there.

Santana stared down blankly at her food as she drew pictures in the sauce with her fork. She could almost make out the sounds of the three men talking around her and the slight incoherent babbling of Anton who was perched in her lap but she was doing her best to block them out. She was still thinking about what Dylan had said even though she had gone over it at least a hundred times by now she was still hoping that there could be the slightest bit of hope somewhere.

When Santana had finally made her way into the coffee shop Dylan had acted like nothing had ever happened, whether he was just putting it on in front of Marco or whether he wanted to just forget it ever happened Santana didn't know but she was thankful that he wasn't acting like he was pissed at her.

She let her eyes flicker up to where the blonde man was sitting. He was already looking at her and sent her an apologetic smile that she returned a second after. Santana was about to stand up and leave for the bathroom when her father's phone wrung loudly in his pocket.

Marco looked down awkwardly when he saw the unknown number flashing on his screen. He brought the phone to his ear and listened to the voice on the other end. He eyes grew wide and he sent his daughter a panicked look, she watched as his Adams apple moved as he gulped.

"Who is it?" Santana asked quickly as she moved closer to him so that she could listen in. he didn't answer however and just shook his head for her to keep quiet.

"Hi, Brittany." All the colour drained from Santana's face in less than a second and she could feel the bile rise up in her stomach. "It's nice to hear from you." Marco half lied. The truth was, he liked Brittany, he cared about her a lot and he missed the blonde and her bubbliness. But he could feel the panic practically radiating off of the Latina next to her. He shot Santana a look that said, 'what the hell?' but the Latina didn't was frozen in shock as she waited for the blonde to reply. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Santana had to strain to hear what the blonde was saying but she could make out a few words of the blonde asking Marco if she could stay with the man. Santana began to shake her head furiously 'no' she wasn't ready to see the blonde. She wasn't ready to see how much Brittany actually hated her. "Say no!" she gasped loudly. She could hear the blonde rambling on the other end of the phone and couldn't help the feeling of her own heart breaking all over again. She never realised how much she had missed Brittany's voice.

"Brittany, I would love for you to come and stay with me," he paused when Santana slammed her hand into his bicep with wide eyes and the other down onto the table causing one of the glasses to topple over and spill across the white table cloth. She didn't take notice as Dylan and Orlando jumped up to stop the flow of red wine, she didn't take notice as Anton began to roll his car through the liquid and she did take notice when a waitress came and asked of everything was okay.

"What are you doing?" Santana almost screamed but managed to keep her voice low so that the blonde didn't hear her on the other end of the phone.

"But I'm afraid that I'm visiting family at the moment and I won't be home until New Year's Eve." Marco's body visibly relaxed when Brittany replied to him a second later and he sent Santana a sad smile. He hated lying to people and it just made him feel worse that this person was Brittany. He could see the pain in his daughter's eyes and knew that maybe he had done the wrong thing letting her come home with him. "I'm sorry, Brittany. It was nice speaking to you too." His voice was full of resignation and regret as he hung up his phone. "Don't ask me to do anything like that for you again." he warned the Latina as he pointed his finger towards here.

Santana glared at her father as she stood up from her seat on unsteady legs and stormed out of the coffee shop leaving her family and Dylan behind her. She wasn't ready for the harsh reminder of what she had left behind her. It just made her hate herself even more than she already did. She blinked back the tears that were blurring her vision and made her way home.

She was curled up in her bed with red puffy eyes when she heard the front door open and Dylan walk in. He was singing a song softly to himself but stopped to call out Santana's name. She didn't answer though. She buried herself further into her pillows to hide from the man as she looked out of the window in the other side of the apartment, she could just make out some small yachts on the see and maybe a plane flying through the clouds. She closed her eyes when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs towards her room.

"S?" Dylan whispered softly as he sat on the end of the bed. "Come on, are you okay?"

She rolled her eyes. Of course she wasn't okay, he knew she wasn't okay. "No. just leave me alone for a while, please." She moaned and pulled the covers up over her head. But to her disappointment, Dylan carried on talking.

"You're dad told me what she said." He didn't need to explain who _she _was, that was pretty obvious to the Latina already. "And do you know what I think? I think you should go."

Santana pulled her head from out underneath the sheets and gave him a confused look. "Go where?"

"Oh, I thought you'd heard the whole conversation…" she shook her head. "Right, well err… Brittany's going to LA to perform at some dance thing and I thought that we should go? Maybe you could talk to her or if we get there and you don't want to at least you got a chance to see her…"

"No."

"San-"

"I said no. I can't see her. It's been six months. I can't, not now." She shook her head and let Dylan pull her into his chest as more tears started to fall. He rubbed his hand up and down her back soothingly as he cooed into her ear.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm sorry. We don't have to but I would never leave your side if we were to go and if you felt yourself freaking out then we would get out of there straight away." He whispered and Santana nodded weakly in understanding. "Any way, how about I make you a coffee?" he offered.

The Latina followed her friend down the stage and sat herself down on the sofa whilst Dylan clattered about in the kitchen. She let her eyes wander around the apartment until they landed on the blonde's bed. Lying on the sheets was Dylan's bright red guitar. Without giving it a second thought, she stood up and walked over to the instrument and picked it up. She held it close to herself for a moment as to let herself come to terms with the weight and sat down on his bed.

Her mind had been kind of fuzzy from everything that had been going on but now with the phone call from earlier she was mainly just numb. She just wanted to feel normal for a little while. Was that too much to ask?

"I'll teach you if you like?" Dylan's voice dragged her from her daze as she looked up from the strings on the guitar.

"Really?" she asked in surprise.

"Of course, it's the least I could after you let me stay with you. I don't know how long I could've lasted with my dad before I killed him or something…" He mused but there was something in his voice that sounded truthful.

Santana decided not to say anything about it though and just offered him a smile. "Thanks."

She didn't know when or how Dylan had managed to persuade her but somehow she found herself standing in a huge auditorium like building, one at least ten times the size of the one they had went to for Nationals in glee club but not quite big enough to be a stadium. The noise was almost deafening as the crowds cheered and screamed at one of the dancing groups on the stage. It was almost impossible to hear Dylan over the noise but that didn't stop him from shouting loudly into her ear. "… you… okay?" was all she made out but she nodded reassuringly. He had been worried about her ever since they had arrived but to be fair, Santana hadn't really given him any reason not to.

She had gotten herself so worked up on the car journey here that they had had to pull over and let Santana calm down for a moment. But now, now that she was here she couldn't keep the excitement down. Her knees were bouncing up and down while her hands were balled up into fists in her lap. She didn't know where this sudden burst of excitement had come from, was it because there was a possibility that she would get a chance to talk to the blonde again? Or was it just plainly because there was the slightest chance she would catch a glimpse of the woman she was still so deeply in love with?

She didn't know but right now she was more concerned with keeping herself seated and not jumping up and screaming something utterly ridiculous with a dumb smile on her face.

But just as she thought she was about to burst, a cold nauseous feeling flooded her body as an announcement was made through the speakers that it was Brittany's group that would be performing next. Her breath hitched and she felt the blood drain from her face.

_Oh shit. Maybe this wasn't the right thing to do. _She thought as her hands started to shake for an entirely different reason than they had been a second earlier.

When she was about ready to pull at Dylan's sleeve and tell him she needed to leave, a group of teenagers came flipping onto the stage to a very _upbeat _version of 'winter wonderland'. The sound of a base and drum filled the room and the kids began to pop and lock in time with the beat. Santana's mouth fell open at the sight, they were impressive. She couldn't make out who they were but she knew that her blonde wasn't up there with them.

Santana's eyebrow arched in confusion, she was pretty sure that it had said in the leaflet that they had been given just before they came in that it said Brittany's name in there. She looked back down to the folded paper she had in her lap to make sure she hadn't just imagined it.

_Yup, there it is: Brittany S. Pierce_

She looked back up at the group and still there was no blonde. "Is she there?" Dylan's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"No I ca-" just as she was about to reply, the music died down slight but kept up the beat. Santana listened curiously as the song morphed into "Merry Christmas Everybody." That was when the hairs on the back of Santana's neck erupted and her heart practically stopped dead in her chest.

Brittany, the woman she'd left behind, the woman she loved, was standing – well dancing – about a three hundred feet away from her. She let her hands form fists around her knees as she squinted to try and get a better look at her ex-girlfriend. Even if she was close enough to see her clearly, she knew that the blonde hair that was whipping around her head would have blocked her view of the sapphire blue eyes that she had been longing to stare into for as long as she had been away from her.

She stared dazed up at the blonde's angelic body, her smooth legs that went on for miles, the muscles that tensed in her arms as she lifted her partner above her head and then the beads of sweat that were trickling down the sides of her face.

Santana was breathing heavily now and Dylan felt slightly worried that she would pass out. He reached over and laced his fingers with the Latina. "She's beautiful." He sighed.

Santana could only nod in response, she really was beautiful and she looked happy, really happy. Maybe she had moved on from Santana already, maybe she had found the strength to get over the Latina… She didn't trust herself to form an understandable sentence. Her mouth had gone bone dry the moment she had seen the blonde run onto the stage.

"Who's that she's dancing with." Dylan asked slightly curious.

Santana hadn't even taken notice of the other dancer on the stage with Brittany until now. She had to squint with her bad eye sight and the fact that they were so far back wasn't helping but when she saw a flash of a blue streak mixed in with dark brown hair she stiffened. Dylan noticed the sudden movement and turned to face her fully.

"Santana, who's she dancing with?" he asked again when she didn't reply to him. A bubble of red hot anger and jealousy exploded deep inside of her and she began to grit her teeth and squeezed her hands into fists until her knuckles turned white. She watched how Kristen ran her hands over Brittany's body and how close they really were to each other. Then her thought from earlier flashed back into her mind, maybe Brittany _had_ moved on, maybe she'd moved on with Kristen.

"I need to go." Santana stuttered out loudly. She could feel the tears stinging at her eyes and didn't trust herself to be able to keep them in. She pulled at Dylan's sleeve when he just gave her a startled look. "Now." she snapped at him. He nodded quickly and jumped up to follow her. They sped up the side isle as fast as they could without drawing too much attention to themselves.

But just as they were about half way up the aisle and the crowd had stood up and began to cheer loudly; there was something that made Santana stop and turn round. Dylan raced straight into her side but she held her ground and stared up at the stage. She was frozen in her spot. Her heart was racing. Her knees were about to give way.

Brittany was staring right at her, well it was more of a squint than anything else but she was looking straight at the Latina. Santana gulped and let her eyes widen in panic. She wanted to turn and run. No, she _needed_ to turn and run but she couldn't seem to move. She couldn't bring herself to lift her legs and walk away because those blue orbs were connected with her own. Even though they could have been five hundred feet away from each other and the lighting was all wrong, she could see them. She could see those eyes she'd missed so much. She could see that they were slightly darker than they used to be and that the white was slight red but they were still _her_ eyes.

Now that she got the chance to really look at Brittany she could see that her face was paler than usual too. It was lacking its usual perkiness and there didn't seem to be as many freckles as there used to be. Her hair didn't seem as bright either but other than that, everything about the blonde was utter perfection.

She felt a scowl form on her face as she watched Kristen whisper something into Brittany's ear and then the blonde smile, where they together now? But her heart skipped a beat once again when Brittany's gaze flickered back up to meet her own. That was when she felt her feet begin to move but in the totally wrong direction to where the exit was. She was getting closer the stage, closer to Brittany.

That was until Dylan wrapped his arm around her front. "She can't see you. The lights are too bright." He pointed up towards the blinding stage lights that were shining directly onto Brittany. She understood why the blonde had been squinting. "Do you want to stay?" he asked, but really he was asking if she wanted to go and see Brittany.

This was it. This was her chance to make things right with Brittany or at least try. She had the chance to apologise and maybe get the blonde back. They could be in love again. This was her chance to have her old life back. She wanted to be able to mend her broken heart and to fix the blonde's as well if that was still the case for her as well. Her mind flashed to that day on the beach, the first day she had met Dylan. The mother and her son playing in the water and then the old couple who had walked hand in hand in the sand, she wanted that, she wanted all of that and the only person she could ever see herself having that with was the woman standing on the stage, the love of her life, _Brittany_.

But instead of doing what her heart was telling her to do – what was probably the right option – she looked up to meet Dylan's eyes.

"No, take me home."

* * *

I hope you all liked what i did with the whole transplant thing! what did you think?


	29. Chapter 29

So I'm not exactly please with the way this chapter turned out but if i change anything then I would have to change the ending of the story and it's not worth it, so I hope you like it even if im not pleased with it.

please review and tell me what you thought.

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Chapter 29

**Brittany: **

"Are you going to tell me what the hell that was about?" Kristen asked ludicrously as she walked into the hotel room where Brittany was already lying on her bed with her face buried deep into the pillow. She had left the building without giving another word to her group; she had picked up her duffel and ran.

"Just leave me alone, Kristen." Brittany mumbled with no emotion in her words what so ever.

"No, not until you tell me what happened back there." The blonde felt the end of the bed sink where Kristen sat down. "Everyone is worried about you, Britt."

Brittany's head snapped up. "Don't call me that." Her voice was harsh and cold as her eyes pierced into the brunette's.

"Wh- what?" Kristen stuttered out in shock as she steadied herself from falling off the side.

"I said don't call me that, you can't say… just… ugh." Brittany buried her face into the palms of her hands. She hadn't been called that since… since Santana and hearing someone who wasn't the Latina call her that just made her chest ache. She bit back the tears that were on the verge of falling, she'd already cried for the past hour she didn't want to do it again. "Please, don't call me that." She whispered shakily.

"I'm sorry." Kristen shuffled up the bed and placed her hand on Brittany's shoulder. Brittany felt herself relaxing under the other girls touch and let her body lean against the brunette's side. It felt weird being this close to someone who wasn't Quinn, Rachel or Santana. It almost felt nice. Almost being the key word here. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Brittany hesitated for a moment. Did she really want to let this girl in past her walls? Walls that had risen high the moment Santana had left her. Could she really risk being hurt again? There really wasn't any way of knowing if she could trust this woman, Kirsten had given Brittany no reason not too… "I got a feeling when we were dancing, a feeling that I haven't gotten in a long time." Brittany paused when she saw a blush creep up onto Kristen's cheeks. "No, not _that _sort of feeling." She quickly jumped to explain herself. "It was like I was being watched."

The brunette's eyebrows slipped up as she sent Brittany a confused look. "Of course you were being watched, Brittany. There were more than fifty thousand people with their eyes on you."

Brittany shook her head but didn't say anything. Instead she stood up and walked over to the door to their room. "You won't understand, I'm going out for a little while. Call me if you need anything." Kristen knew that the blonde didn't want her to follow her but she also knew that Brittany would end up wandering off to a bar or some place that sold alcohol in any shape or form. Quinn had pacifically told her not to let Brittany drink and considering the emotional state that the blonde was in right now, it probably wasn't the best idea to let her wander off by herself.

"Wait up!" Kristen called after the retreating blonde.

"Don't follow me." Brittany stated simply as she began to speed up her walking until she was inside the elevator and repeatedly pressing the button to the lobby. Thankfully the doors were closed just before Kristen could reach her. She sighed and leaned against the metal wall and brought her shaking hands up to her face to wipe away the tears that had begun falling somewhere in the time it had taken her to get to the elevator.

"Fuck." Kristen snapped as she ran towards the stairs to race down and hopefully beat Brittany to the lobby. She pushed open the door and was met by the bright lights and about fifty people who were all carrying bags and talking. Thank god that she was taller than everyone in this room or she wouldn't have seen the blonde jog out of the huge glass doors at the front of the building. "Shit." She mumbled as a huge party of people came in through the front doors blocking her from getting to Brittany.

Brittany mentally cursed to herself when the streets were bare of any cabs. She looked left then right before jogging across the road towards the nearest bar. She needed to numb the pain, she needed to relax and she was going to do that the only way she knew how.

Drink.

She was going to drink until she passed and someone found her to take her home. She knew she shouldn't and she knew her liver probably hated her right now but she could apologise in the morning.

"What can I get you?" the bearded man behind the bar asked her. His eyes wandered down to her cleavage that her tank top was showing. She scowled at the man and folded her arms across her chest.

"Whisky." She muttered and climbed up onto a bar stool. He passed her a glass and she downed it almost instantly before asking him to refill it.

"Rough night?" he asked curiously as he doubled the amount of whisky he was pouring into her glass.

"Rough night, rough year, rough life, what's the difference?" she muttered nonchalantly with a shrug of her shoulders. He smiled at her sympathetically as he began to wipe down the bar top with an already dirty cloth. Brittany cringed at the sight and withdrew her hands from where they were resting on the bar, she didn't know how many germs there was and to be honest she didn't want to find out.

"I know what you mean," he mumbled as he leaned on his elbow a respectful enough distance away from the blonde. "The wife just left me, she kicked me out of the house and my brother moved in. Left me with nothing but the clothes on my back and this place." He gestured to the bar with a wave of his hand. "Been sleeping down here for the best of three months." He grumbled. As Brittany looked closer at the man she could see the he would probably be quite handsome if he got rid of the beard and moustache. He had tanned skin just like Santana's and his eyes were a light hazel with flakes of green. Yup, definitely would be a good catch for a straight woman.

Brittany looked up with sad eyes and couldn't help but feel sorry for the man. "Sounds like you deserve one of these more than I do." She pushed her glass over to him.

"Can't drink on the job." He held his hands up in defence but Brittany wasn't having any of it.

"I won't tell anyone." She gave the glass another push until he took it and downed the amber liquid.

"Names Dan." He held out his hand for the blonde to take and she shook it with a genuine smile.

"Brittany."

"Nice to meet you, Brittany. So tell me, what's got a pretty girl like you in a place like this?" he asked as he lifted up the bottle of whisky ready to pour but she stopped him.

"Do you have any Jack Daniel's?" he nodded and poured her a fresh glass. _San's favourite drink. _She thought to herself as she brought the liquid to her lips and took a sip. "It's a long story." She muttered after a couple of seconds. "I don't know if I want to talk about it."

Dan nodded in understanding and backed away, "just wave me over if you want a refill." She nodded and looked down into the dark liquid in her glass. What the fuck was she doing? She was a wreck. Her whole life had turned upside down in a matter of six months. She was a depressed mess and drowning herself in alcohol was doing her no good what so ever.

Fifty minutes later and the room was spinning, everything had turned fuzzy and her words were slurring as she spilled everything to the man in front of her. "And… and… then she just… she just like got up and left." Brittany held her hands in the air as her voice turned squeaky and her eyes squinted at Dan. "I mean she didn- didn't even say good bye! I was just stood there… in an empty hospital room." she slurred angrily followed by a hiccup. She had just finished telling Dan the whole story of her and Santana from start to finish. Actually from _start_ to _finish. _The day they had first met in preschool to the night in the hospital.

"That sucks." Dan said seriously as he sat beside the blonde. He had just finished his shift and was now equally as drunk as Brittany was. "Women suck!" he shouted as he slammed his glass down onto the bar. "No offence." He quickly mumbled to the blonde.

"I totally agree. I don't understand them. One minute they're all like 'I love you, Brittany" next there fuck knows where in the world!" Brittany rambled as she did her best Santana impersonation.

"Totally. Everything could be going well one day and the next they're kicking you out, shipping your brother in and telling you that you can't see your own fucking kids again! I brought them up while she buggered off on all these 'business meetings.'" He air quoted. "Oh god, you don't think she was hooking up with my brother then too, do you?" he asked panicked.

Brittany just nodded sadly and placed her hand on his shoulder. "We don't need them."

Dan leaned on top of the bar ungracefully and reached to get a fresh bottle of who knows what and poured it into Brittany's pint glass.

"Brittany!" a woman's voice came from the door to the bar and the drunken couple turned to face the person.

"Kristen, you suck. Women suck." Brittany slurred and pointed at the woman who she was now seeing three of.

"Yeah you suck." Dan mumbled. "Whoever you are." He waved his hand lazily in the brunette's direction.

"I've been looking everywhere for you." The brunette came over to Brittany and wrapped her arm around her waist. "Come on, let's get you back." She placed a couple of bills on the bar to pay for Brittany's drinks and hoped it was enough judging by the amount of empty glasses and bottles that were scattered.

Brittany tried to protest but she was too drunk to care anymore. "Bye, Danny boy." The blonde reached out and ruffled his hair. "You should have a shave, you're a good catch. He's a good catch isn't he, Kristen. Such a nice man." She mumbled as Kristen nodded awkwardly and helped her out of the bar. "You ruin all my fun. Just like Santana. She wouldn't let me get too drunk but I think that was maybe her just trying to keep me safe. Are you trying to keep me safe of are you trying to get me alone so you can get into my pants?" she asked seriously before bursting out into laughter at the startled expression on Kristen's face.

"I don't want to get into your pants." She tried to cover up the blush creeping up her neck and onto her cheeks.

"Sure you do. I've seen the way you look at me." Brittany chuckled to herself and tipped her head back to look up at the stars in the sky. All she could think was that they weren't as pretty as they were back in Lima. "Quinn thinks you're trying to take Santana's place. These stars aren't as twinkly here as they are in Lima. We went to Lima to look at the stars before Santana left me. I gave her a piggy back up the hill and I love her so much but I'm so angry with her for leaving me. Why would she do that to me?" Brittany looked back down to Kristen with tear filled eyes. "Do you think she didn't love me enough to stay with me?" she asked seriously.

Kristen shook her head rapidly; she was still trying to recover from what Brittany had been saying to her but managed to find some words. "I think she loved you, I think she loved you a lot and that was the reason she left." She explained but Brittany just looked at her confused. "I think she didn't want to hurt you by dying so she risked hurting herself to keep you safe and happy." she shrugged as they made their way into the lobby and towards the elevator.

"But she did hurt me." Brittany whispered.

"Not as much as she would have if she were to die." Kristen retorted softly. "You would have been hurting even more than you would be now, if I'm being honest I think that she made the right decision. It must have taken a lot for her to leave you. I know if I was her I wouldn't have been able to do that. I wouldn't have been able to leave you; I would've been selfish and kept you to the day I died."

The blonde turned to face the taller girl and let her gaze bore deep into the brunette's eyes. They were nice eyes but nowhere near as nice as Santana's perfect chocolate orbs. "You wouldn't have left me?" Brittany asked softly as she took a step forward closer to Kristen.

"Of course I wouldn't, you're amazing, Brittany." She reached out and placed her hand on the blonde's cheek and traced her thumb over her cheek bone. She let her eyes flicker down to light pink lips and then back up to blue orbs. "You're amazing." She repeated again, this time much softer.

Brittany took another step forward. So what if she was seeing three of the girl in front of her and would surely regret her decision in the morning but she found that if she squinted really hard all she could see was brown hair. Okay, so it wasn't as dark as Santana's and her skin was much lighter but she could use her imagination for that couldn't she?

Kristen ducked her head slightly when she realised what Brittany was doing and took her own step forward so that their fronts were pressed together. The next thing Brittany knew their lips were crashed together in a hungry kiss. It had been so long for Brittany, so long since she had kissed anyone, so long since she had kissed Santana and a tingle formed deep in her stomach.

But the strange thing was, it wasn't the tingle that Santana would give her. It was more from panic or sadness. Panic because she had only ever slept with one other woman before and look how that turned out… and sadness because this wasn't Santana. Her lips weren't as plump or as soft as the Latina's, her hair wasn't as smooth or shiny and when she touched the blonde's body, Brittany just wanted to cringe back into a hole and throw up.

She didn't feel the sudden warmth that would pool deep in her stomach and her eyes weren't rolling back into her head. She could feel the electricity between them and her heart wasn't racing. This wasn't right, nothing about kissing this woman was right. But the closeness was nice. It felt good to feel wanted again so she let herself deepen the kiss.

She let the brunette guide her back to their room.

She let her pull off her clothes and watched as they fell into heaps on the floor.

She let Kristen push her down onto the bed and straddle her hips.

That was all she remembered before she made her mind go blank to block out the screams she was making inside of her head, the screams that were telling her that this was all wrong, telling her to push the other woman away, telling her that she wasn't Santana.

The next morning Brittany woke up with arms wrapped securely around her waist and a face nuzzled into the crook of her neck. She frowned when she looked down to their entwined hands and the similarity in their skin colour. It shouldn't have looked like that; it should've been a Latina's hand on hers.

"Good morning." A sleepy voice came from behind her and Brittany did her best to plaster a smile on her face. Her whole body felt like she'd been dipped into a pool full of acid just like that day Kristen had wrapped her arm around her shoulders, only this time it was ten times intense and it was _everywhere_.

"Morning." She muttered.

"Last night was amazing." Kristen planted a kiss onto Brittany's temple as she climbed out of bed. Truth was, Brittany had been so drunk last night that she couldn't remember a thing. The only reason she knew she had actually slept with the other woman was because she was now lying naked in her bed with the woman's arms wrapped around her. "I'm going for a shower; would you like to join me?" Kristen said flirtatiously. Brittany internally cringed but did her best to keep her emotions from showing.

"No, I think I'm going to go and get some fresh air and some coffee, I need to get rid of this hangover." She climbed out of bed and pulled on some clothes. She could feel the other woman's eyes on her back. "I'll be back in an hour." She picked up her phone and purse and walked over to the door only to be stopped when a soft hand wrapped around her bicep.

"Do I not get a kiss?" she whispered. Brittany jumped at how close the other woman was to her. She slowly and reluctantly turned around to face Kristen with a fake smile. Kristen leaned in slowly to plant a soft kiss on Brittany's lips but the blonde quickly turned her head so that the brunette caught the corner of her lips.

Kristen pulled away with a confused expression on her face but chose not to say anything. "I'll see you in an hour." Brittany repeated before leaving Kristen and the events of the previous night behind her.

She needed to make a call.

Brittany sat on a nearby park bench with a Starbucks coffee sitting between her legs and her phone in her hands. She was staring down at the black screen contemplating calling Quinn or not, she really needed to talk to her about this. But she didn't want to be screamed at. She didn't want to hear how stupid and irresponsible she was or that she wasn't supposed to be drinking.

She shook her head and bit down on her bottom lips as she unlocked her phone. It was just turning eight AM; Quinn should be up by now, thanks to Rachel and her morning routine they both woke up at seven.

That's when another idea crossed her mind, if she didn't want to be screamed at or judged and wanted an honest opinion and some advice, and then who better to call than Rachel? For some unknown reason, the diva had seemed to understand Brittany a lot more than Quinn had lately. As much as the blonde was there for Brittany, Rachel didn't push her or scream like Quinn did with her drinking or how upset she would get. She had listened to Brittany for more than five hours one night. She just seemed to understand.

So instead of calling Quinn, Brittany clicked Rachel's name and let it ring out for a moment until the diva's voice sounded happily through the receiver. "Brittany! Hi, how's LA? Are you-"

She was cut off at the sound of a sob, Brittany didn't know where it came from but there was a bubble of emotion they burst in her throat. Tears began to fall from her eyes and stain her makeup from the night before. "Rach- I… I… need to talk to you."

"Brittany, what's wrong? What's happened? Are you okay? Has something happened? Did Kristen do something?" At the sound of Rachel's last rambled question and even louder heart wrenching sob broke through her lips.

"I've done something really stupid, Rachel."

"Brittany? Tell me what's happened…"

"Please don't get mad at me." She sobbed. "Quinn would be mad at me."

"I'm not Quinn, Brittany. Now just calm down and tell me what's happened." Brittany took in a calming breath and leaned back against the bench as she began to ramble, starting from what happened at her performance, how she thought maybe Santana was watching her then how she had gotten drunk and ended sleeping with Kristen. Rachel gasped and stuttered on the other end of the phone.

"I just don't know what to do…"

"Oh, Brittany." Rachel sighed sympathetically. "Everything will be okay, don't worry."

"No it won't. it's not going to be okay because I still have to share a room with her for two more nights and I'm pretty sure she thinks that I want to be with her." Brittany's voice had turned panicked and now was sounding slightly desperate. Rachel was silent for a moment before she finally answered.

"So I guess that means you don't want to be with her then?"

"No! No I don't want to be with her, the whole time I was with her I was thinking about Santana, comparing her to Santana. I wanted Kristen to be Santana." Brittany's voice was shaking as she covered her face with her hands. Her coffee that was sitting in between her legs was scorching her thighs but she ignored the stinging. "I'm a horrible person."

"No, you're not a horrible person. You were drunk you didn't know what you were doing, I'm surprised you can even remember sleeping with her." Rachel muttered.

"I can't."

"Huh?"

"I can't remember sleeping with her." Brittany explained slightly embarrassed.

"Then how do-"

"I woke up naked in her bed." the blonde deadpanned.

"Oh, well that just makes what she did even worse."

"What?"

"She took advantage of you, you were clearly too intoxicated to even think straight and she took advantage of that fact to sleep with you. Brittany, you're not that bad person here, she is."

"Then why do I feel like I've cheated and that I deserve to be locked up or something?" tears were beginning to form in her eyes again and her voice sounded shaky.

"Because you're still in love with Santana." Rachel said simply.

"What am I going to do? I can't stay there with her…"

"Is there anyone else you can stay with while you're in LA?" Rachel asked softly. Brittany held her fingers the bridge of her nose while she thought about this for a moment. Then she remembered something from last night.

"Yes. Thank for helping, I'll see you when I get home."

"Bye, Brittany." Then she hung up. She reached down and took a sip of her cooling coffee and stood up to head back to her hotel room. Her heart was pounding as she thought about what she was about to do when she got there. She didn't know whether it would be best to come straight out with what she was about to say or ease into it gradually. After all, Kristen was still her friend and she still had to work with her every day, it would be best if things stayed good between them.

She breathed in steady breaths as she pressed the button in the elevator for her floor and leaned against the wall. She didn't want to mess things up and she didn't want to upset the brunette but this was for the best. She couldn't have a relationship with someone if she couldn't give them her whole heart. It just wasn't fair.

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened with a _ding _but what Brittany was faced with turned her mouth dry as a desert and she was positive that her stomach had just plummeted. "Hey, B. I was just coming to find you." Kristen stood with a beaming smile in the doorway of the elevator and Brittany had to will her legs to move forward. She took a step out and did her best to avoid eye contact with the brunette.

"We need to talk." Brittany stated simply as she walked towards the door to their room.

"Is that like a euphemism or something?" Kristen asked flirtatiously but Brittany just shook her head furiously as she cringed and tried to ignore the sickly feeling deep in her stomach.

"No, we just need to talk." The blonde said shortly.

"Oh." Brittany could hear the disappointment in Kristen's voice. The blonde closed the door behind them and walked over to her unpacked suitcase and began to put away the clothes she _had_ managed to unpack. Kristen looked on confused. "Brittany, what are you doing?" She placed her hand on the small of the shorter girls back but Brittany moved out of reach.

"Last night was a mistake." _Oh real smooth, Brittany. Let her down gently you said. Don't hurt her feelings you said. Bullshit. _"I was so far past the point of drunk that I can't even remember what happened last night. But I know that whatever we did was wrong." She said as she lifted her duffel onto her back and trailed her suitcase over to the door. _"_Oh." She said as she patted her pocket only to realise that she didn't have her plane ticket. She walked back over to her bedside draw and pulled it out all the while Kristen kept her mouth shut and her eyes glued to Brittany. "I'll see you at the airport." She reached out to open the door but was stopped by quite words from behind her.

"You said her name you know?" Brittany turned to look at the brunette slightly confused. "Last night, you said her name instead of mine." She looked down sadly at her phone on her hands and she turned it over and over. "You screamed it actually…" she muttered slightly more quite than what she was originally speaking.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Brittany walked back over to the bed and sat down next to her. "I was so drunk I didn't know-" Kristen held up a hand to silence Brittany.

"It's okay, I understand. You'll always love her and I know I don't compare to her. I'm sorry about last night; I shouldn't have kissed you back because I knew how drunk you were."

"Don't worry about it." Brittany stated. "I still want you to be my friend though; you've been there for me a lot these past couple of months." Kristen nodded with a sad smile before Brittany stood up to leave. "I'll see you soon."

Brittany walked out of the hotel and across the busy street towards the bar she had been drinking at the night before. It was a lot quieter than she had expected but surely enough the person she was looking for was stood behind the bar wiping it down with that disgustingly dirty cloth of his. "Brittany!" his voice sounded causing her eyes to flicker up to meet his happy, smiling face.

"Hey, Dan." She smiled politely back before climbing up onto a chair and dropping her bags to her side.

"What can I get you?"

"Actually I was wondering if it would be okay if I stayed here with you for a couple of nights?" she asked awkwardly. "Something happened between me and my friend and things kind of got awkward…" she trailed off.

"Of course you can." Dan said happily. "It kind of gets lonely around here at night and I could sure use a friend." Brittany beamed at the word _friend_ and quickly leaned over the bar to pull him into a tight hug.

"Thank you so much."

She spent the last two days of her trip helping Dan out in the bar. Some of the kids out of her group had come in and they'd all had fun taking shots but that still didn't dull the pain Brittany was feeling in her heart. She just wanted this weekend to hurry up so she could get on that plane and fly home to be with her friends.

**Santana:**

She knew as she walked away from the building that she had possibly just made the second biggest mistake of her life, the first being the fucked up decision of leaving Brittany the first time. She just didn't learn did she? Dylan opened her car door for her to get in without saying a word. They had stayed silent the whole way back to the car and hadn't even glimpsed at each other. Oh how she missed her own car. She ran her finger over the dashboard of the mini cooper that Dylan insisted on driving around. Santana wondered if Quinn or Brittany had been using it or if had just been left to collect dust behind the apartment building.

The Latina stared sadly out of the window as they drove onto the highway and began to tap her finger along with the beat of the music coming from the radio. She felt like there was a sudden empty black hole swelling within her chest and nothing she thought of could take her mind off of a certain blonde.

"Are you-"

"No."

"Santana…"

"Just… just don't talk to me." she snapped and buried her face in her hands. "I don't want to talk about this now."

"Okay." he smiled softly and reached over to place his hand softly on top of her hand. "Everything's going to be okay you know. It's not like I'm going anywhere and I'm always going to be here to help you."

"I know." She muttered but kept her eyes glued to the toad. There was too much to think about. Too much _Brittany_ whirling around up inside her mind.

Her blue eyes.

Her blonde hair.

Her pink lips.

Her perfect body.

Everything about Brittany that she had fallen in love with – that she was sure she was still falling in love with – was disappearing behind her as she left the blonde once again. The familiar pain of her heart breaking was forming in her chest as a sob broke through her lips and her head lolled forward as her tears dripped down onto her hands that were balled up in her lap.

Instead of reaching over to comfort the Latina, Dylan kept his eyes focussed on the road in front as the sun began to set. He knew that right now she needed her space to come to terms with what had just happened, with what she had just seen. The blonde wanted nothing more than to reach over and console his best friend but he couldn't… He clutched furiously as the steering wheel to stop himself from reaching out as Santana sobs became louder and louder and she'd eventually curled up in her seat and was slowly falling asleep with tears still dripping from her eyes.

A little over an hour later, Dylan was pulling up in front of their building and jogging round to Santana's side of the car to carefully lift her out while she still slept soundly in his arms. He carried her up to the top floor to their home and up to her bed before going into the kitchen to make her some decaf coffee and get her meds.

Santana began to stir at the sound of a kettle boiling and let her eyes slowly flicker open. She sighed and buried her face deep into her pillow as sadness formed in the pit of her stomach. She didn't want to be here anymore. She was sick of waking up alone all the time, she wanted to be able to reach out and find a warm body next to her, _her _warm body. She wanted to reach out and tangle a lock of shiny blonde hair around her finger and breath in the blonde's sweet sent. She wanted to be able to lean down and kiss her lips and stare into those blue orbs she had gotten lost in so many times before. She just wanted to be with Brittany. Was that too much to ask for?

"You're awake?" Dylan's voice sounded from the top of the stairs where he was standing with a mug of steaming hot coffee and plate of what looked like a ham sandwich.

"I'm awake." She muttered as she sat up and held out her hands to take the items from his hands. He sat down on the end of her bed and watched as she ate. "You know that's kind of creepy…" she mumbled with a mouthful of food.

Dylan shook his head with a smirk. "I'm sorry, I was just thinking."

"Care to share?" she quirked an eyebrow and set her now empty plate down on the nightstand before taking a small sip of her coffee. Dylan sat in silence for a moment as he contemplated whether or not to open up to the Latina, even though she had pretty much told him everything she had been holding in about herself even things she had only told Brittany. So why wouldn't he tell her? He had every reason to trust the Latina. So that's just what he did. He took in a deep breath and begun.

"Did I ever tell you that before me and my dad moved here we used to live in Seattle." Santana shook her head and leaned forward slightly, she hoped that this would be the moment that the man that had become her best friend over the past six months would finally open up and share some of his past with her. "Yeah, it was just the three of us, me, my dad and at the time my mom." Santana's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, never in all the time she had known the man had he ever mentioned his mother.

"I was pretty sure they were happy together. They definitely seemed it." He shrugged and turned to face away from Santana. He began to play with the corner of the bed sheet where a single thread had come loose. "She was a nurse at one of the hospitals there, I can never remember which one though and I've never asked my dad because he used to get really angry when I tried to talk about her…" he trailed off like he was remembering something from his past. Santana placed her cooling cup of coffee down and reached over and laced their fingers together. He looked like he needed some support of some sort. He shook his head as the contact pulled him from his haze. "Um, yeah… and my dad was working as a photographer's assistant. One day – I think I was about fifteen or sixteen – I remember my mom coming home _crying_, like really crying and my dad sent me to my room while they sat and talked. I remember being scared because they'd never done that before, sent me out of the room..."

He looked up to meet the Latina's orbs and immediately felt himself calming down but that didn't stop the redness from forming in his eyes and a layer of tears to build up. Santana reached over and wiped away the ones that had escaped. She smiled softly for him to carry on.

"After a couple of months passed, things started to get weird, I didn't see my dad as much and my mom always seemed to be staying off work or taking half shifts. Then one day they got into a huge fight and my mom ended up storming out of the house." Dylan rubbed his face with his spare hand to wipe away the tears before running it through his hair causing a few strands to stick up in odd directions. He breathed in slowly but his breath was shaky and the hand that Santana was holding was squeezing hers tightly and was now turning her fingers purple but she didn't pull away. She wanted him to carry on and find out where this story was going and why he was thinking about it now.

"I'd spent the whole night sitting on my windowsill waiting for her to come home, I think it must have been around two AM when I'd finally fallen asleep and she still wasn't home. I went to school the next day like I always did but the lessons were dragging more than usual and in the end – because I couldn't take it anymore - I ran home before the end of the day. I hoped I would find my mom in her usual spot on the sofa with her blanket and a plate of a half-eaten sandwich but instead of my mom I found my dad," he paused and clenched his eyes tightly shut. "And the woman he worked for."

Santana's whole body tensed up at Dylan's words and her own grip tightened on the man's hand. "Dylan…" she cooed softly but he shook his head and held up a finger. She leaned her head against his shoulder and waited for him to speak again.

"He'd been cheating on my mom for about a month and when he saw me standing there he begged me not to tell her, he started to cry and I could tell that he was trying to guilt trip me but then when he told me my mom had found out she had a brain tumour and that it would only make her sicker if I told her, what could I do?" His voice shook towards the end and his head dropped forward in defeat. Santana could feel anger burning in her chest towards the man she was now working for. "That day she had come home crying was they day she had got her results back from some MRI scans. Apparently the tumour was too far developed for her to go through any treatment." He explained softly, Santana had to strain to make out what he was saying but she still didn't know where this was going. However, she was happy that the man was finally opening up to her properly. She had found that he was just as closed off as she was. "The day I found out that my mom was dying was the day I found my dad was cheating on her." he spat harshly. "I was sixteen." Dylan shook his head exasperatedly but carried on talking.

"About a week later my mom finally came home. When I looked at her, I could definitely see the difference. Her eyes were dark, her face was pail and her skin was warn, her hair was dull and didn't look as curly as it used to. I knew then that my dad wasn't lying just to get me on his side and keep his secret. She looked so skinny." He looked deeply into Santana's eyes as she placed their foreheads together. "I remember sitting with her until four in the morning curled op on the sofa watching _Sex in the city. _I'd told her that night that I knew and we both cried." Santana could feel her heart breaking in her chest and it was almost as painful as the thought of her and Brittany. She just wanted to wrap him up in bubble wrap and cotton wool and never let anyone hurt him ever again. "I'd never seen her look so broken."

"I don't know how she found out about my dad but she did." His eyes were full of pain and more tears were falling now. His whole body was quaking as sobs racked his body and Santana did her best to console him. "I came back from school one Wednesday in the middle of June and my dad was just standing there in the kitchen with all of these bags packed and I didn't understand what was going on at first but then my mom was crying and telling me that everything would be alright and that she loved me. I was so confused but then my dad handed me my duffel and then I realised that he was taking me with him." Santana's jaw dropped open in surprise.

"What… I mean… what?" Santana shook her head in confusion.

"My mom had filed for a divorce as soon as she had found out about him cheating on her. He said his company was looking to open up a new studio in California so he jumped at the chance of moving here. But then my mom told him that she wanted to take me with her to stay with her sister, obviously he wasn't having any of it. He told her that she would never get custody over me because of her tumour so I had no choice but to go with him." Santana was sitting in Dylan's lap now with her arms wrapped tightly around him as she rocked them both back and forth soothingly.

"Shush, don't cry. Come on, I'm here." She whispered to him softly.

He took in another breath and tried to calm himself but it was no use he was fully crying now, his sobs filled the room and he was shaking too much to form words. Santana didn't know what else to do but hold him close to her and hoped that he hadn't broken himself too much telling her this. She let her mind piece everything together, how defensive he had been the night they were walking to the café to meet Marco and how he had always stood by her when she had told him about her own problems. He had never ran or freaked out when her ICD had gone off and would listen to her rant.

"I… I… just hate him… I hate him for what he did to us." Santana lifted her hand and covered his mouth to stop him from talking.

"It's okay; you don't need to say anything else. I understand." He nodded slowly and let his eye drift closed.

Later that night the two of them were curled up on the sofa watching reruns of _Sex in the city _– Dylan's choice – and eating two tubs of ice cream between them both. They were both feeling slightly fragile and neither of them was talking, and the only sounds that filled the room were the sounds from the TV and the quiet chuckles that would escape.

After an hour or so Santana decided to try and lighten up the mood, she wasn't used to seeing the man next to her all mopey and sad. "So, I thought you were going to teach me how to play the guitar?" she asked cheery.

Dylan sighed and sunk back into the sofa. "I really don't feel like doing that right now." He mumbled.

The Latina rolled her eyes playfully before she stood up and walked over to where the wooden instrument was propped up against the wall. She picked it up carefully and began to strum at the strings very much out of tune then started to walk around the apartment bobbing her head and sway her hips rather awkwardly.

Dylan burst out into laughter and Santana couldn't help her own lips from curling up into a smile at the sound. "You can't seriously let me die knowing this is how good I am at playing the guitar." She mused. Dylan stood up and walked over to where Santana had perched herself on the fourth step of the stairs that led up to her bedroom.

He reached out and pulled the guitar from her hands and placed his hand on the fingerboard in a weird position and began to pluck at the strings. "This is a G." he played the same chord over and over until he handed it over to Santana to when he thought that she would be able to play it. "Good!" he showed her a few more until he was positive she was good enough to play some simple songs.

Her tongue was jutted out to the left in concentration and her brow was furrowed as she stared down at her fingers that were plucking away at the strings. "How do your fingers not drop off?" Santana mumbled, still concentrating on remembering the chords.

"You'll get used to it after a while if you keep practicing. Maybe if you get really good I'll get you one for Christmas." He teased and nudged her shoulder with his own. "But if you don't mind, I think I'm going to hit the hay. It's been a long day." He muttered and rubbed his neck as he walked over to his bed. "See you in the morning, San." The Latina just nodded as she carried the guitar up to her room to practice some more. Dylan was right, it had been a very long day but she wasn't quite ready to go to bed yet. She knew that she would just end up tossing and turning with images of the blonde swamping her mind.

"Ant!" Santana screamed as she ran away from the giggling child as he chased her around Marco's house with a toy water pistol he had won out of a Christmas cracker. Her back was drenched with water but the boy refused to stop. Santana threw herself over the back of the sofa and landed with a heavy thump on the floor but managed to shield herself from the boy's line of fire.

"S'tana? I won't shoot you, promise." He whispered innocently. Santana smirked to herself, knowing fine well that as soon as she stood up she was sure to get a face full of water. But being the best cousin in the world that she was, she slowly and carefully stood up from where she was hiding and raised her hands in surrender.

"Please don't shoot." She did her best to act scared. A devilish smirk formed on Anton's lips and he slowly lifted the pistol to point at Santana. The Latina's eye's widened in fake terror and her lips formed a perfect 'o'. "No!" she squeaked. But it was too late, a tiny squirt of water splashed directly into her eyes. "Ugh. You got me." she held her chest and landed forward onto the sofa.

Anton giggled and climbed up onto the woman's back and slapped his hands down onto her drenched shirt causing the water to trail off and soak into the sofa. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and his legs around her waist and let her slowly carry him into the kitchen where Marco and Orlando were now sitting picking at the remainders of their Christmas dinner.

"At least you won't need a bath tonight." Orlando chuckled from where he was sat and Santana just rolled her eyes. "Come here big man." He clapped his hands together and gestured for Anton to climb up onto his lap but the little boy just shook his head with a pout.

"S'tana said she would take me down to the bitch to go shark hunting!" he said excitedly. Santana blushed slightly and felt embarrassed for not asking Orlando for permission first hand.

"Oh did she now?" he cocked his head to the side and looked curiously at his niece.

"Would that be okay? I promise I won't let him run off and I'll make sure he doesn't-" she was cut off when Orlando held up a hand to silence her with a smile.

"Don't worry about it, go have some fun. I wanted to talk to your father in private anyway." he waved his hand towards the door and Anton squealed loudly as Santana began to race through the sand and down to the water's edge. The sun was just getting ready to set so the temperature was cooling dramatically but the little Latino boy didn't seem to be fazed as he carried on squealing and kicking the sand around him. Santana perched herself down just in the surf and let the water rush up to her knees, her head tipped back and she stared up at the purpling sky that was dotted with the odd cloud. She was thankful there was no snow this Christmas and that it had only rained once or twice – always a good side to global warming – but the main reason she was glad was because the last time she had spent Christmas in the snow was when she had gone to central park with Brittany, Quinn and Rachel. _That was a good day. _She thought to herself. _Apart from the whole throwing up in the doctor's office. _

"S'tana?" Santana looked up when she heard the soft voice of her baby cousin.

"Yeah little man?" she squinted in the light of the sun as she looked up to meet a head of dark brown hair almost the same colour as her own and crystal blue eyes.

"I got you this." He pulled his hand out from behind his back and handed Santana a small turquoise starfish that seemed to have dried out.

"Awe thank you, Ant." Santana beamed up at the little boy and pulled him into a bone crushing hug causing the little boy to giggle.

"It's a Christmas present. Now you have to find me something." He said while he grabbed Santana's hands and tried desperately to pull her to her feet.

"Charming." Santana muttered before following the little boy along the beach hand in hand. Thirty minutes later and Anton had two pockets and his hands full of different shells and stones and a huge piece of drift wood trailing behind him. The sun was just about completely set by this point and the air was just about freezing. Santana looked down at the little boy holding her hand and watched as his eyes began to droop and a yawn contorted his face. "Here." She muttered and lifted the boy up by his waist and over her head to sit on her shoulders.

"Thanks S'ta…" was all he managed to get out before he began to snore softly against Santana's head. She clutched the piece of wood in one hand and held the small starfish in the other as she walked them back to Marco's house.

"What you got there?" Dylan asked as she plopped herself down lazily onto her sofa.

"Anton found me a starfish." She muttered as she let her eyes droop closed but she managed to hold up the object to show her best friend.

"Awe, that's sweet." Dylan cooed. "Hey, wake up." He patted her foot gently to keep her away and get her attention. "I still have to give you your present. I didn't get a chance to give you it this morning before you were rushing off to your dads place." He paused as he stood up and walked over to his bed. "Thanks for the beanie by the way." he bowed his head to show off more of his bright red and green woolly hat that he was wearing on his head.

"No problem." Santana chuckled but eyed him curiously as he bent over the other side of the bed to pick up a meter long box that had been wrapped in fairy wrapping paper. "I'm not five." She mused but thanked him nevertheless.

"I just saw it and it immediately reminded me of you – the paper not the present." He winked and sat down next to her. "I hope you like it." he suddenly turned shy as he handed her the box.

She whipped the paper off of the box and threw it to the ground like an excited six year old – or like Anton – and opened the box. Her jaw nearly dropped to the flaw when she saw what Dylan had bought her. "You didn't have to…" she trailed off.

"No I didn't, but I wanted to." He smiled and watched as Santana carefully lifted out the guitar – a burgundy coloured Takamine to be exact that had a rainbow patterned piece of fabric tied around the neck.

"Thank you so much!" Santana threw herself at Dylan and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "You're an amazing best friend, you know that?" she beamed at him and began to strum at the unturned strings.

"I know." He smirked. "But you have to keep practicing." He warned with a slight smile playing at the corner of his lips.

"Yes sir." Santana saluted mockingly before she stood up and did her best to stifle a yawn. "But not tonight, I need to get my beauty sleep." She headed toward the stairs with the guitar in her hand. "Not that I need it or anything." She smirked with a shrug. "Good night, Dylan."

"San, wait." He called after her but she kept on walking. By the time he had thrown all the ripped paper into the trash and made a neat pile of all the things that were in the box with Santana's guitar, the Latina was just climbing into bed. "I need to talk to you." He said as he sat down on the end of the woman's bed.

"Shoot, Blondie." She muttered as she punched at her pillow to get comfy.

"Um well… oh god." He muttered as he buried his face into his hands. Santana leaned over and placed a hand on his shoulder as she began to worry about her best friend.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Dylan sighed as he gathered up the courage to start speaking. "Well the other night when I was telling you about my mom…" His voice shook on the last word. Santana had come to terms with the fact that Dylan just didn't talk about this kind of stuff even when Santana had tried to bring it up once or twice over the past five days. But now she couldn't look at his father the same way again. Every time she had gone to work this week she had either given the older man the cold shoulder or would give him the evil eyes across the room. So yeah, maybe she was being immature but why would someone do that to their son and wife? She would never have done anything like that to Brittany… _Stop getting off track. _

"There was a reason I decided to tell you when I did." He carried on but he did his best to avoid the Latina's curious gaze. "My dad never let me go and visit her or let me call her, I was only sixteen so I didn't know my aunts phone number. But then just before my eightieth birthday I found out that she had passed away." He said sadly and kept his eyes glued to his hands. "I was so distraught that I didn't talk to my dad for about a year when I moved in with my best friend."

"Dylan… I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say…" Santana shook her head; more anger towards the man's father began to boil in her gut.

Dylan smirked sadly. "Never thought I would see the day the infamous bitch, Santana Lopez speechless." She nudged his arm playfully but squeezed the hand she was holding and urged him to carry on. "What I'm trying to say is that I didn't get the chance to see my mom again. I didn't get a chance to tell her how much I love her and that I wasn't mad at her for letting me go with my dad and I hate myself for not trying harder." He paused and finally, _finally_ he made eye contact with Santana, his face completely serious and almost pleading. "But you, Santana. You have that chance, you can make things right with Brittany, and you can get your life back on track with the woman you love."

Santana was frozen. Her mouth was slightly agape and she was looking anywhere in the room but her best friend's piercing emerald gaze. Her mind was beginning to spin with the words she had just heard. She knew that maybe… _maybe_ that what he was saying was right but Brittany hated her, Quinn hated her and Rachel… well Rachel was weird… But the thing was, she really didn't have anything left back in New York she had actually grown to love living here actually as she thought about it, it was a lot better than New York. But New York had Brittany. California didn't have Brittany.

"I…" Santana shook her head unable to form any words. She buried her face deep into one of her pillows and groaned loudly.

"You know I'm right, Santana." Dylan whispered softly into her ear. "I hate myself so much for not being there with my mom while she was going through her treatment. I hate that I didn't get to see her one more time before she died."

"Yeah but Brittany isn't dying." Santana jumped in quickly.

"I know that, but who's to say that maybe tomorrow she won't slip and fall in the shower and hit her head or that she'll cross the road to get to work and a taxi won't stop and hits her… You never know with this kind of stuff, Santana." He looked at her softly; her heart began to pound furiously in her chest at the thought of Brittany ever dying. "Do you really want to risk it?" Santana knew it was a rhetorical question so she didn't answer. She knew that everything Dylan was telling her was true and shivers began to tingle down her spine. She slowly stood up and walked over to where she had sat her brand new guitar against the wall.

"Teach me how to tune this." She handed it over to him and sat herself back down. She was trying desperately hard not to let a gaping smile to form on her face so instead of looking directly at him, she looked at the instrument in his hands.

"What…?" he asked completely dumfounded by the Latina's choice to change the subject.

"Teach me." she nodded her head back down to the guitar before taking it from his hands and began to pluck at the strings, she tried to remember some of the song she remembered trying to learn the day before.

"Why?" he asked curiously. But this time it was more of a question of 'why now?' Santana finally let the huge smile she had been holding back break across her face and her eye lit up brighter than the man had ever seen as the Latina's thoughts began to race in her mind.

"Because," she started but paused to watch as Dylan began to grow impatient and squirm in his seat. She could feel shivers running down her spine at the thought of what she was about to say. Was she really ready for this? If she was being truthful with herself then the answer was probably no but she needed to do what was right. "Because, Dylan… you're going to help me get my girl back."

* * *

So the next chapter i hope you'll enjoy! I'm nearly finished writing it as we speak and i'd just like to say that i'm really excited :) see you all soon x


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30! Things are starting to get pretty intense now and I hope you all dont hate me for the endong of this chapter... Thank you to Perhaps Glee for helping me pick out this song quite a while ago. So I think there will be around 5-10 more chapters until the end of this story do I would just like to thank all of you who have stook with this story and I love you all.

One question, would you guys want to have an epilogue for my pretty intense cliffhanger of an ending I have planned? Let me know!

please review!

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Chapter 30

Five months had passed since that Christmas she had sat up with Dylan. Five months had passed and Santana was still in California. She was still utterly terrified of going back but she knew it was what she had to do, she knew it was the right thing for everyone. She just had to pull herself together and get going. The truth was she was so excited by the thought of actually getting to see her 'family' again. She was excited to get back to the big city and her old apartment. She was excited to get her car back but most of all she was excited at the possibility of seeing Brittany up close and within touching distance.

It was only a week until summer started and Santana and Dylan were lying out on the beach just in front of Marco's home. For some unknown reason Orlando had decided to move in with his brother, that was apparently what he had wanted to talk about her father about on Christmas so that meant that Anton was jumping on top of her stomach for the fifth time in the last two hours. "Calm down, Ant." She groaned as she slipped her sunglasses up her nose to shield her eyes from the blazing sun.

"Come swimming!" he screeched and ran off towards the waves before Santana could stop him. She hauled herself to her feet in panic and raced off after the little Latino before he could reach the water's edge; she wrapped her arms around him and swung him into the air before catching him in her strong arms.

"You need to be careful, you know not to go running off by yourself." She warned before she burried her face into the crook of his neck and blew a raspberry loudly causing him to giggle and laugh.

"Sorry, S'tana." He pouted and wrapped his own arms around her neck. "You mad?"

Santana simply shook her head and kissed Anton's cheek. "No, you just scared me." she hugged him tightly to prove her point but pulled away and looked down to see him playing with the turquoise starfish that was now attached to a chain and hung loosely around her neck. She chuckled and poked at his own seashell that Santana had given him for Christmas. "Have you taken this off yet?" she asked curiously as she walked towards the water.

"No," he shook his head proudly. "'Coz this means we will be bestest cousins f'ever." He explained sweetly as he climbed down from Santana's arms and stood next to her in the water as the waves surrounded their ankles or in Anton's case, his knees. Santana assumed that her was refering to the whole friendship bracelet theory...

"Forever, huh?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yup." He nodded and took her hand in his own. "Even when you go back to Brittany to be girlfriends again." His eyes widened and his free hand came up to clamp his lips closed. Santana's head snapped round to look at her little cousin.

"What did you say?"

"Nuffin, I didn't say nuffin." He carried on shaking his head and refused to answer Santana and took a few steps back but her hand around his stopped him from getting too far.

_How does he know? I haven't told anyone but Dylan… _at that thought Santana slowly turned to look at her best friend who was now whispering suspiciously to her father and Orlando who all broke apart when they spotted the Latina looking at them. She scowled coldly in their direction before storming up the sandy beach rather awkwardly in her bare feet and came to a stop in front of the steps to where they were sitting.

"Spill." She spat. The three men looked up at her like she was crazy and didn't know what she was talking about but as Santana looked into her father's eyes; she could see that he was keeping something from her. "Dylan, I know you told them. This little one let slip." She nodded her head down to Anton who was still holding onto her hand tightly but was hiding behind her leg from the three men on the steps.

"Sorry." He muttered with a slight pout.

"It's okay little man; she was going to find out sooner or later anyway. She's not mad at you, just a bit cranky." Dylan ruffled Anton's hair and turned to look up at Santana. "Yes I did, because something needs to be done _now_. You said that you were going to get her back but you're still here and it's nearly been six months, S. we have the plan sorted so why aren't you doing anything?"

Santana looked down at the sand beneath her feet, suddenly finding it much more interesting than interrogating her family and best friend. "I don't know." She muttered after a few seconds. That was a lie, she did know why he hadn't done anything about it; she was a coward and was too scared of getting her heart broken just like she had done to Brittany.

"Fine, you can be all shy and awkward all you like but you know that going back there is the right thing to do. You know that you're never going to be completely happy here, Santana. Not without her." Her father stated causing Santana to nod sadly in agreement. She already knew that and really she did want to go back she just didn't have the guts to. She didn't want to be rejected or told that everyone hated her.

"That's why," Dylan started as he stood up and walked back into the house only to return a minute later with his arms filled with suitcases. Santana's heart stopped and her mouth fell open. "We're leaving for the airport in half an hour. We should get to New York tomorrow morning." He grinned widely at the Latina.

"Wait, what?" Santana's eyes squinted at her friend unsure if she had heard him right. "Did you just say _we_?"

"That I did, I'm coming with you for moral support. Maybe that way you won't chicken out." He set the bags down on the deck before speaking again. "So you better hurry up and put some respectable clothes on or we're going to be late." He looked down at his watch that read 16:20pm. Santana could feel her heart in her throat as she struggled to swallow and gulp. Her hands were clenched roughly by her sides and her whole body was rigid. When she returned from slipping into some jeans and a top that covered her scars up perfectly, her face was almost white, her mouth was dry and her heart was racing. She didn't know if she was ready to do this but it was definitely the right thing to do. She just hoped she could keep herself from throwing up on anyone.

"We'll see you in two weeks." Marco said after them as Dylan helped a rigid Santana climb into his car but that didn't stop her from noticing her father slip something into Dylan's pocket. But she chose not to think about it too much after all she was about to fly across the country to see the people she had left behind and most likely hated her guts.

This was it.

She was going back.

Back to Brittany.

"It's nearly summer! Why is it still raining?" Brittany grumbled as she collapsed down onto the sofa beside Quinn, Rachel and Kristen who were all picking at a bowl of chips. Their eyes were all glued to the TV screen as some film played. Kristen chose not to say anything as Rachel and Quinn complained in agreement. Brittany reached over to pick out some chips but quickly yanked her hand away when Kristen – purposely – grazed her hand with her little finger. Things still hadn't returned to how they were before the dance performance. Brittany had refused to talk to her or be in a five meter radius of the other woman whereas Kristen had been the exact opposite up until lately when Brittany finally lost her patients and told her to back the fuck off. She had gotten sick and tired of receiving texts off the brunette begging Brittany to give her a chance or that she was in love with the blonde and that she knew Brittany had feelings for her too.

Brittany had replied every time with a message telling her that she was still in love with Santana and that she should leave Brittany alone or didn't bother replying all together. Sadly for Brittany, Rachel was still friends with the brunette even when the two blonde's weren't so keen anymore.

Things had been just as awkward back at the dance studio for work but Brittany chose not to think about that right now…

"What's this shit you're watching?" She picked up the TV remote and started flicking through the channels aimlessly. "Why isn't there anything on either?" Brittany sighed loudly. "What's wrong with the world?" she threw her arms up in resignation and leaned her head against Quinn's shoulder with another heavy sigh.

"How about we go to _Vibez_?" Kristen's voice broke through the silence after a few seconds.

"No." Brittany and Quinn both answered at the same time. Kristen blushed and backed further into the sofa.

"Oh come on, it will be fun!" Rachel chirped up causing the two blonde's the roll their eyes.

"No Rachel. I don't want to walk in the wind and rain or get into a sweaty cab with a sweaty driver that's just going to perv on me the whole way." Brittany snapped. But the real reason was that she didn't want to go out drinking when she had managed to keep sober for over two months and have Kristen dancing up close beside her. She shuddered at the thought. "No." She repeated again quitter this time.

"Who's stuck a stick up your ass?" Kristen mumbled from the other end of the sofa they had all huddled on.

Brittany's head whipped round to glare at the brunette. "Shut the fuck up, Kristen. What are you even doing here anyway?" the blonde spat. This was probably the least offensive insult Brittany had replied with to one of Kristen's comments in the past five months but the brunette still seemed startled that the blonde had said this to her in front of the other two woman in the room with them.

"Rachel asked me to come and hang out." She replied calmly.

"Yeah well I don't want you here. And considering this is actually _my _apartment don't you think you should have asked me first?"

Quinn rubbed her face awkwardly, clearly feeling uncomfortable in between the two women. "Actually, Brittany. Quinn and I pay half of the rent which means this is _our_ apartment not just yours." Rachel stated annoyingly in that obnoxious way she used to talk in high school.

Brittany rolled her eyes, stood up and stomped off to her room. "Fine. Whatever. If she's here then I'm staying in my room." The door slammed loudly behind her and the three women sitting in the living room all flinched.

"So she still hasn't gotten over it?" Quinn asked awkwardly trying to break the tension that was resting heavy in the room.

"Nope, I don't blame her to be honest though, she's still in love with Santana. And clearly no one can compete with her…" Kristen replied. "I better go…" she mumbled before walking off towards the front door with Rachel following her.

"Sorry about her." Rachel said as she waved the tall woman off.

"Don't worry about it." and with that she was gone.

Rachel sighed and wandered back over to where Quinn had sprawled herself out on the sofa with her legs hanging over the sides. "I don't know what's gotten into that girl lately." She pointed towards Brittany's closed bedroom door before collapsing down on top of her girlfriend.

"Maybe it's a part of the whole heart break thing… she's been depressed and drank herself silly, she's slept with someone else and now she's angry. It would make sense…" Quinn muttered as Rachel nodded her head in agreement.

"Maybe it would be a good idea to get her out of the house for a while?"

"I agree but how are you going to do that?" Quinn asked curiously. After the way Brittany had just acted moments ago she doubted that her girlfriend was going to succeed in getting Brittany out of her room unless she dragged the girl by her ankles kicking and screaming… Quinn smirked at the image that formed in her head.

"I have an idea. Do you want to come with us?" Quinn shook her head and pointed towards the huge pile of washing that had multiplied in the corner of the room. Rachel grinned and took a step towards Brittany's door. "Brittany? I'm going to get some ice cream, do you-" before she could finish, the door flew open and a blonde appeared dressed in a rain coat and boots. Quinn burst out into a fit of laughter and Rachel just grinned in triumph. "I'm a genius." But before she could say anything else, Brittany was dragging the diva towards the front door leaving Quinn to scream at them that she wanted strawberry ice cream brought back.

She rolled her eyes when she realised that that probably wasn't going to happen and collapsed back down onto the sofa. Her eyes flickered over to the pile of washing then flickered closed. "Ugh, why hasn't someone invented a robot to do this kind of stuff for me?" she mumbled before reluctantly climbing to her feet and walked over to the dirty clothes. "Better get this over and done with." She paused a moment, "Oh god, I'm talk to myself… I'm still talk to myself." She rolled her eyes and picked up the washing basked in her arms and made her way over to the door. "Stop talk to yourself, you sound crazy. You're lucky there's no one here to hear you. Why are you still talking? You have friends to talk to; you have a life for crying out loud. Shut up, Quinn!" just as she reached the door she paused as a knock sounded from the other side.

The blonde's head tilted to the side as she just stood and stared at the door in a moment of confusion. She must have paused for too long because another knock came a moment later. Quinn shook her head to pull out of her haziness and did her best to balance the basket on top of her left thigh and under her arm as she reached out to turn the door knob. But before she could turn it all the way a weird tingling sensation began to form in the base of her spin like something huge was about to happen.

Huge probably being the understatement of the century.

She pulled the door open wide enough for her to see who was standing in her doorway. She was pretty sure her mouth had just crashed into the floor and had just carried on through the three floors below theirs. Her eyes had opened so wide that they actually looked like golf balls and her arms had literally gone dead which meant that the pile of washing was now in a heap by her ankles.

Whenever Quinn had heard the phrase 'frozen with shock' she had just passed it off as the person being over dramatic but as she stood here now staring into a pair of brown orbs she had never expected to see again, she fully understood where that phrase came from. Because now as she tried to retreat back into her apartment and away from what she could only assume was a ghost, she realised her feet were actually glued to the ground beneath her. She tried to move her hands to slam the door shut in the woman's face but they were clearly frozen by her side too. Just as she was about to give her mouth a try at forming words the woman in her doorway decided she would break the awkward tension.

"Hey, Quinn." Her voice was soft and almost nervous sounding; she gave the blonde a weak smile before taking a tiny step forward and closer to Quinn. That was when Quinn's arms decided to start working and her right hand flew up to crash against the brunette's face. The woman gasped in surprise but bit back any swear words that were forming on the tip of her tongue. "You always were a genius slapper… but I definitely deserved that…" she muttered between gritted teeth as she turned back to face Quinn.

"S- Santana…?" Quinn asked in complete dumbfounded shock.

"Hi." The Latina smiled awkwardly. Her heart was racing, she was expecting a lot but nothing like what had just happened, the last time Quinn had ever hit her or anything like that was in high school when Santana had gotten her boob job… so being slapped in the face had just added to her nerves. Her palms were sweating furiously and her mouth was dry. When the Latina realised that Quinn was still staring at her wide eyed with her hand still slightly raised she decided to speak again. "I… if you don't want to see me… I can go?" she muttered awkwardly as she looked down at her feet. "I probably shouldn't have come here." Santana turned to walk back down the hallway towards the stair when she felt a hand grip her wrist.

"No." Quinn said hurriedly. "Don't go. You can't leave again." Santana flinched at the pain she could hear so clearly in Quinn's voice and turned back to face the woman who used to be her closest friend.

"Are you sure…?" Santana's heart was filled with hope, hope that maybe Quinn didn't hate her, and hope that she could somehow be forgiven.

Quinn nodded and pulled Santana into the apartment and pushed her towards the sofa. "Would you like a coffee? No wait… you can't drink coffee how about some orange? Shut up, Quinn she's not six." The blonde rambled aimlessly as she hurried into the Kitchen. "How about water?" she called through to the Latina who was sitting slightly amused.

"Water is fine. Thank you."

"Would you like something to eat? Rach just went shopping so we have plenty of food."

"No thanks, I just ate on the way over." Santana lied. She could tell that Quinn was getting all flustered by her presence and she didn't want to make things worse for the blonde. Quinn returned a second later with two glasses of water in her hands; she handed one over to Santana and placed her own down on the coffee table before slowly sitting down on the other end of the sofa as an awkward tension settled between them.

Santana began to start to feel uneasy again and decided to speak. "So you moved in with her then?" she asked obviously and chose not to mention Brittany's name in case she began to freak out in front of her friend.

Quinn nodded. "Yeah, just after you left." She paused and looked up to make sure she hadn't offended the Latina. "I was sick of looking for a new place and Brittany had a spare room so she let us move in." Santana flinched at the mention of her ex-girlfriends name coming from her ex-best friend's mouth. Quinn didn't seem to notice however, and chose to carry on talking. "It was probably a good thing we moved in when we did to be honest, she wasn't coping very well on her own… she kept saying her shoes had ran off…"

"They used to do that a lot…" Santana mumbled half-heartedly as her minds wandered off to something else Quinn had just said so she didn't notice the strange look the blonde sent her. How bad had Brittany really been without her? How bad had she broken the blonde's heart? There was so many of these crazy thoughts racing through the Latina's mind that she hadn't noticed Quinn still talking. She needed answers but Santana would never find out unless she asked…

"Brittany." Santana stammered out pulling Quinn from what she assumed was an awkward ramble. "How's Brittany?" she asked softly as her eyes wandered down to the glass of water in her hands. The brunette could feel the blonde's gaze boring into the side of her face as she considered Santana's question. On one hand Quinn could lie and say that Brittany was amazing and hadn't missed Santana at all or on the other had she could tell her Santana the truth and make her feel guilty about leaving them. She decided to go with somewhere in between.

"She's better than she's been in a _long_ time. She seems to be happier with herself and she isn't screaming at us anymore." She said as she sent Santana a genuine smile that the Latina didn't hesitate in returning. "She's been sober for around two months as well so that's even better."

Santana was mid gulp when Quinn chose to tell her that, she gasped and spluttered over the water that was now lodged in her airways. She leaned forward as she began to choke and Quinn quickly jumped forward to slam her palm against Santana's back.

"So- Sober?" she finally choked out.

"Yeah, she found your stash of alcohol under your bed and she's been drinking it ever since you left, I think she can only remember around twenty per cent of this year…" Quinn explained kind of shyly. "We had a huge fight one day because I got sick of cleaning up her mess and I ended up throwing loads of this whisky off of the fire escape…" she mumbled with a slight blush.

Santana mouth was gaping. "You two have been fighting?" the two blondes have _never_ argued in as long as she's known them and that had been a very long time.

"Yeah, it turns out that because we always used to argue with you so much that we never really had a need to argue before." She said jokingly with a genuine grin. "But then you left and we both had all of this fresh built up anger and we had no one to rant and scream at but each other…"

Santana's head dropped sadly. "I'm sorry I left, Quinn."

The blonde shook her head intertwined their fingers together as her eyes began to well up with tears. Her bottom lips began to tremble as all the pain came rushing back from the night she realised that Santana had left them all. Her chest began rise higher and her breaths were shaking as she finally brought her eyes up to meet Santana's. "I'm sorry you left too. You have no idea how much it hurt, Santana. Hell, we still haven't gotten over it yet." She watched as pain flashed through the Latina's eyes and she knew that hers were most likely mirroring them. "But you coming back, you coming back is so amazing. Brittany will be so happy; we're all going to be okay again." she smiled brightly at Santana but when the brunette didn't return her excitement Quinn's brow furrowed in confusion. "Santana…?"

"I… I'm only here for… two weeks…" Santana trailed off as she kept her eyes glued to the empty glass of water in her hands. Quinn pulled her hand back from Santana but didn't move away and kept their thighs touching. "You all hate me; I have nothing left here for me, Quinn."

"No." Quinn said firmly as she shook her head and pulled Santana's hand into her lap. "We don't hate you… _I_ don't hate you." She corrected herself after a second. After seeing Santana for the first time in a year all of her anger towards the Latina had dissipated and she now realised that what she felt for the woman was far from hate. But she wished she could say the same for Brittany and Rachel. "You can't leave us again. Not now that I know you're still alive." She pleaded desperately.

"Quinn, I still have two whole weeks here. A lot can change in that time good and bad so we'll see how things go. But I know for a fact that Brittany isn't going to be pleased to see me." Santana said as she placed her glass back down onto the table and turned to face Quinn fully. "I don't want to cause any argument between you all or anything like that but please don't tell anyone you've seen me? I have something planned but I need some time. Please, Quinn."

Quinn nodded after a moment of contemplating Santana's request. She didn't know how she was going to keep all of her emotion down in front of Rachel and Brittany but she knew she had to try. "When can I see you again?" she whispered afraid that someone would hear them even though they were completely alone.

Santana pulled her phone out of her back pocket and handed it over to Quinn. "I'll give you a call tomorrow and we can arrange to meet somewhere for lunch?" she asked with hopeful eyes.

"Yes!" Quinn exclaimed her excitement from earlier quickly returned. "I can't wait. Where are you staying I don't want you having to travel too far?"

"Just as small hotel near central park it's no trouble, I'll see you tomorrow, and we have a lot to catch up on."

"You have a lot to tell me." Quinn winked but just as she was about to pull Santana in for a hug the sound of voices just outside the front door pulled them from the conversation. Quinn's eyes widened in horror and the colour drained from Santana's face.

"Shit." Santana muttered as she jumped to her feet in panic. "I need to get out before they see me." Santana's head snapped up to the door when keys were placed into the lock.

"Down the fire escape!" Quinn pushed Santana towards the window without listening to her protests.

"Are you joking? I'm wearing heels! It's pouring down!" Santana whispered loudly.

"Go! I'll see you tomorrow." Quinn almost screamed as she slammed the window shut behind the Latina just in time for the front door to open and two women walked in dripping with rain water. "Did you have fun?" the blonde asked with a forced calmness. She's shoved her hands into her pocket to hide the trembling but her legs felt like jelly beneath her. She reached out and placed her hand on the back of the sofa to keep her steady but she could feel the confused looks of her girlfriend and best friend staring at her form across the room.

"We got you ice cream." Brittany said happily. She dipped her hand into a soggy paper bag and handed her a medium sized pot. Quinn smiled awkwardly at her before turning to go to her room when she was stopped by Rachel's voice.

"I thought you were going to do the washing not throw it on the floor by the door…?" the diva's eyebrows were raised in question and her hands were placed firmly on her hips.

"Oh, I guess I just got distracted…" she mumbled but kept her eyes glued to the ice cream in her hand.

"And why are there two glasses of water sitting on the table? Have you had someone round?"

Quinn's eyes widened as they flickered over to Santana's empty glass. "Um… no, I… I was just thirsty." She stuttered out.

"That one has red lipstick on it." Rachel pointed to Santana's glass.

_Think, Quinn, think! _ "I was trying out a new lipstick." _Yeah, that will work. _

Rachel was looking at Quinn sceptically. "You're not wearing any now."

Quinn flung her arms into the air in exasperation. "Just… just… ugh leave me alone and get off my back, yeah?" she stormed off towards her room.

"PMS?" Brittany asked from behind Rachel but the dive just shrugged and turned back to sit on the sofa with the blonde and eat her ice cream.

Quinn peered out of her bedroom window just in time to watch Santana climbing into a cab with a blonde haired man that she didn't recognise. He back away and collapsed down onto her bed with a relieved sigh. She had no idea what the hell had just happened less than a minute ago, she couldn't bring her head round to the fact that _Santana_ – the woman who had abandoned them for more than a year – was back and very much alive and well. In fact Quinn couldn't believe how healthy the Latina looked, a lot healthier than what she had been before she had left. That thought was followed by a flurry of questions that she would just have to wait and let Santana answer tomorrow…

"You could have warned me they were coming back before it was too late! I had to climb down the fucking fire escape. Do you know how wobbly that thing is? It's rusted to pieces, I actually thought I was going to fall and die!" Santana rambled as she climbed into the cab alongside Dylan. "The plan would have been ruined if she had seen me then. Hell, shit would have hit the fan if they'd seen me with Quinn." Santana was fuming but she wasn't angry at Dylan, she was just very, very scared. She didn't want Brittany to see her and freak out and tell the Latina she hated her and didn't want to see her again. Santana knew that was probably guaranteed to happen but she wasn't ready to hear those words just yet.

"I'm sorry! I tried to call you when I saw them crossing the street but you'd left your phone in here." He explained apologetically. "How did it go?" he asked after a moment of silence.

Santana smiled involuntary. "It went good, she slapped me but she doesn't hate me." she said with a shrug. Dylan's eyes widened as he looked closely at the Latina's face to see the left side was slightly red. "Oh relax, I'm fine. But I'm meeting her tomorrow for lunch so hopefully I'll have more time to give her a better explanation to where I've been this past year and I'll try and get her to help us with the plan."

Dylan nodded in understanding. "Do you think it's going to work? The plan I mean, do you think Brittany's going to take you back?"

Santana rolled her eyes and snorted. "Hell no, this is the worst plan in the existence of stupid plans. It's probably just as stupid as the time that Napoleon dude tried to take over the world or whatever." She shrugged again nonchalantly, "But I want to show her that I'm sorry and that I still love her."

"Fingers crossed everything turns out for the best then?" Dylan said with a forced smile. He knew what Santana had said was probably right, that their plan was terrible but they had to stay positive.

"Fingers crossed." Santana repeated in a mutter as she turned to face out of the window as her mind began to think up all of the bad things that could happen when Brittany found out that she was back.

The next day at exactly 12:23pm, Quinn sat in the coffee shop just down the street from apartment as she waited for Santana to arrive. They had organised to meet at half past twelve but the blonde wanted to be early just to get her nerves under control. She still hadn't fully gotten over the fact that the Latina was back and when her phone had rang this morning when she was eating her bowl of cereal she had almost dropped it into her breakfast, there was something about hearing Santana's voice over the phone that had excited her. Her heart was now pounding in her chest as she sipped at her coffee in her paper cup. Just as she was about to pull her phone out and check the time, the door to the coffee shop opened and in walked a familiar yet unknown Latina walked in. She met Quinn's eye and hurried over to the table with a flustered face.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, the traffic was hell." She pulled the chair out and sat down opposite the blonde.

"It's fine, I was early." Quinn said with a reassuring smile. "Can u get you anything?" she pointed over to the counter.

"Err sure, you remember my order right?"

"Sure do." Quinn smiled before getting up to get Santana's drink. When she returned Santana placed a ten dollar bill on the table but Quinn just eyed it curiously. "You don't have to give me the money."

"Of course I do." Santana pushed the money across the table but the blonde just crossed her arms. Santana's brow furrowed at Quinn but she left the money on the blonde's side of the table and pulled her hands away. She figured that if she left the money there long enough Quinn would have to accept it before they both left. Santana took a sip of her drink and waited for Quinn to let the questions fall from her lips in a ramble. _Come on, Quinn. You know you want to ask. _

"Where've you been this past year?" she finally asked after a three second stare down with the Latina.

_Bingo! _Santana let a slight smirk from on her lips but turned serious to answer the question. "Long Beach."

"With Marco?"

"Yes, but I have a feeling you already knew that." Santana mused but her words were laced with sadness as her mind wandered back to the night she'd gotten the letter off Quinn. That night was all kinds of crazy.

Quinn must have noticed what the Latina was thinking about because she reached over and took her hand with an apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry about that letter, S. I don't know why I said the things I said, I guess I was just angry." The blonde looked down into the bottom of her cup shamefully.

"It's okay, I understand. You had a perfectly good reason to be pissed with me. Thank you for sending me my list though." Santana squeezed Quinn's hand so that she would meet her eyes.

"It was B's idea." Quinn whispered softly causing a small smile to pull at the corners of Santana's lips.

"I didn't want to cross anything else off without you guys so I made my dad throw it away. It's not like I need it anymore." Santana shrugged as she took another couple of gulps from her drink. She could feel Quinn's eyes boring into the side of her head curiously as she tried to decipher Santana words. "I didn't get to finish read your letter," Santana carried on speaking while Quinn's eyes were glued to the side of her face. "That night I had family over for thanksgiving and when I was reading the letter I got into a pretty bad state and my ICD started going off really bad."

"I'm sorry." Quinn whispered again and squeezed Santana's hand.

The Latina just shook her head with a small smile. "My father was trying to help me calm down and my little cousin was screaming because he was scared then the house phone started ringing and my uncle came running through." Santana chuckled at the memory. "Fucking mad house." Quinn smiled at Santana's way of making something serious sound funny. "Anyway it turned out the hospital was calling me," A beaming smile took over Santana's face as she readied herself to tell her best friend the news. "I got a new heart, Quinn."

The blonde was just about to take a sip of her drink when Santana spoke her final sentence. Her eyes widened and the cup slipped from her hand and spilled out on the table but she didn't care. She jumped up from her seat and threw herself at Santana. "Santana! Oh my god, that's amazing!" she wrapped her arms tightly around the woman's neck. Tears began to sting at both of their eyes but for completely different reasons. Quinn was crying because she was happy that her best friend was going to be okay, she was crying because she'd finally gotten the Latina back in her life but Santana was crying because of the painful memories that came with the good news. Quinn pulled away and sat back down into her own seat; she ignored the weird stares from the nearby people in the café and kept her eyes on Santana. The Latina gave once glace to the blonde before the dam broke and the tears she had been keeping back for the past six months spilled over the edge. She buried her face into the palms of her hands to avoid Quinn's eyes. "Santana? What's wrong? I thought you getting a heart was a good thing?"

"It is, it's an amazing thing." She sobbed out. She tried to stop her tears but they refused and only spilled from her eyes heavier and faster.

"Then what's wrong?" Quinn circled her hand around Santana's wrist and pulled her hands away from her face so she could meet the chocolate browns eyes.

"It's my… It's my mom's heart." A particularly loud sob broke through Santana lips and a couple two tables away turned to look at the woman crying. Quinn shot them her queen bitch glare and they snapped their heads away. She turned back to Santana with a completely dumbfounded look on her face because last time she checked people needed heart to, you know… live. How could Santana have her mother's heart? Was she being metaphoric? Or was she being serious… "My mom died." _oh… _

Quinn gasped and covered her mouth with her free hand. "I'm so, so sorry, Santana. I didn't know…"

"How could you have known? I fucked off and left you guys without saying bye or giving you a proper reason. But do you know what hurts most, the fact that I know how you felt when I left. I know the pain I caused you and Brittany and Rachel." Santana's words had gone from being drowned in sobs to burning in anger. "I'd kept my mother out of my life for a year, my last words I'd ever spoke to her were filled with hate and know she's dead and there's absolutely no way I can take those words bark and tell her that I love her because she's still my mom, she _was _my mom." Santana's hands had balled up into white knuckled fists and the brown of her eyes had now turned black and hazy. "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her and the thought of something like that happening with us, with me and Brittany I couldn't face that."

Quinn ducked her head to meet Santana's eyes and watched as the haziness faded away, she watched as Santana came back to reality. "And now I'm not letting you get away from us. You can't leave us again, S. We love you too much." Santana smiled weakly at Quinn who was now clinging to her hands for dear life like the Latina could float away at any second and never come back. The only though that was now running through Santana's mind was Brittany.

_There's no way she'll feel the same about me now, she won't want to be anywhere near me. _

Santana decided to change the subject in case she burst into another sobbing mess. "How've you and Rachel been?"

Quinn smiled and shuffled slightly closer to where Santana was sat. "We've been great; actually we've been talking about getting married." Santana began to choke on her drink but when she looked up at Quinn there was a huge smile playing at her lips.

"Quinn! Oh my god, that is so fucking amazing!" Santana gushed and balled her hands into fists as she began to bounce up and down in excitement. "I'm so happy for you, Quinn."

Quinn decided to join in with Santana's excitement. She hadn't been able to show how happy she was with anyone other than Rachel; they'd decided not to mention anything to Brittany in case it upset her or she began to feel miserable again because they both knew that the only person Brittany wanted to marry was Santana… and well things were a little more than complicated right now. "Thank you. Ugh, you have no idea how much I've been dying to tell someone about this." Quinn's face had completely lit up now and all of the sadness they had been feeling just moment before had dissipated and they were now back to how they had been with each other before Santana had left, best friends. "It feels so good to be able to tell _you_ about this as well."

Santana blushed. "I'm no one special, Quinn."

The blonde shook her head. "See that's where you're wrong." A dorky smile formed on Quinn's face and she began to tap her fingers on the table. "When Rach and I were talking about it we decided that her bridesmaids would be Kurt and Blaine and I would have B and Kristen even though I hate her guts." She paused when Santana flinched at the mention of Kristen's name, flashes of LA came into her head and the big green monster began to dance around her shoulders. When Santana gave Quinn all of her attention, the blonde carried on. "You've always been my best friend and you always will be. So I was thinking that since you're back… that you could be my second bridesmaid?" the blonde squeaked the last part out excitedly.

Santana's eyes widened in surprise, this was crazy. She'd gotten her best friend back and been asked to be a bridesmaid in one day. She was either really lucky or there was someone up there being good to her. Fingers crossed it was her mother. Her happiness and excitement was quickly replaced by regret and sadness however when a realisation hit her. "Quinn, I am so honoured that you asked me and you know that I would say yes in a heartbeat if I knew for certain that I will be moving back to New York but I don't and I'm pretty sure Britt or anyone else wouldn't appreciate me being there." Santana said sadly as she placed her hand on top of Quinn's.

Quinn's eyes were filled with so many painful emotions that it almost hurt Santana to look at her. "Santana…" Quinn half wined half whispered. "Just tell me you'll think about it, they'll come around once they find out you're back and half a few days to calm down."

Santana nodded after a few seconds. "Okay I'll think about it, but you have to promise you won't tell Rachel or Brittany about my heart or my mom until I decided to tell them. Okay?"

Quinn nodded softly, "Okay. But you have to do it soon."

"I will but Dylan and I need your help with something." Santana said seriously.

"Santana, I swear to god if you've killed someone I don't want to know." Quinn shook her head jokingly but the smirk disappeared when she saw the deadly serious expression on Santana's face. "Oh my god you have!"

Santana just rolled her eyes. "Don't be stupid. No I haven't killed anyone."

"Who's Dylan?" Quinn asked when she realised Santana had mentioned his name a few seconds ago.

"He's my friend from California." Santana explained to the blonde thinking nothing of it but Quinn couldn't help but feel slightly jealous that someone else had taken her spot in Santana's life. "Awe, is little Quinnie jealous?" she teased playfully causing the blonde to roll her eyes.

"No I am not jealous." Quinn mumbled very unconvincingly. "What do you need help with?" she asked trying to change the subject from her own little green monster.

"I have a plan but it's only going to work if you help me."

"Why do I not like the sound of this…?"

Quinn led Brittany, Rachel and Kristen into _Vibez _around 7:30 that night, the bar was packed full of customers and there was no empty tables. Brittany rolled her eyes and made her way over to the bar stools and ordered a coke instead of alcohol. "Why did you have to drag us here, Quinn? I wanted to stay in and just relax." Brittany moaned as the other blonde climbed up onto the stool next to her. "And why for the love of god is _she_ here?" she tipped her head to the side in the direction of where Kristen was sitting with Rachel.

"Oh come on, B, have a little fun." She nudged the taller woman's shoulder with her own before taking a sip of her drink. "I don't want her hear either but Rachel was adamant on her coming. I'm sorry." Quinn began to tap her fingers on top of the bar impatiently, she could hear her heart bounding in her ear and the back of her neck and thighs were coated in sweat. She felt completely nauseated at the thought of the plan that Santana and Dylan had thought up, she wanted things to go well but she couldn't help but think that something bad was going to happen. _Ugh, B's going to freak out. _

"Hey, why didn't you answer your phone today? I was going to ask you if you wanted to come to work with me, you know to forget." Brittany muttered sadly into her drink.

"Um… I was busy, sorry." She lied quietly. She took another couple of sips of her drink and began to stare at the colourful lights and bottles that lined the back wall. _Those bottles look pretty lethal if they were to be used as a weapon… oh god what if B freaks out and throws one at S… she wouldn't do that, would she? _

"Quinn?" Brittany voice sounded hazy from inside of Quinn's head. "Hey, Quinn?" the taller blonde waved her hand in front of Quinn's eyes to get her attention. She shook her head from her haze and looked up to meet Brittany's blue orbs. "Why did you really bring us here?" Quinn frowned in confusion. "I know there's something you're not telling me…"

Quinn felt the blood rush from her face and suddenly the room began to spin; she gripped at the glass in her hand like it would anchor her to the ground. Lies and other random cover ups races through her mind and she desperately thought of something to say. She didn't want to ruin Santana's plan and ruin her chances at getting Brittany back so she picked up her drink and began to gulp down the clear liquid. When the glass was empty she stood up on slightly wobbly legs. "I'll be right back." She should've taken it easy on the alcohol. She stumbled toward the stage and pushed the door open that led behind it.

Quinn spotted Santana straight away; she was stood in the far corner of a large room filled with electrical equipment and stage lights and wires. Dylan was stood next to her; they both wore matching red outfits. Santana dress finished just above half way up her thigh and her black leather jacket hugged her curves perfectly. The blonde man was wearing black skinny jeans and a red button up shirt. But what caught Quinn's eyes was that they were both holding guitars, last time she checked Santana couldn't play a musical instrument…

"You must be Quinn." Dylan's voice broken the blonde's staring and her eyes flickered up to meet his piercing green ones. "I'm Dylan, nice to meet you." He held out his hand and she took it firmly in her own.

"You too." She said sincerely with a smile. Usually she wouldn't be so nice around strangers but there was something about Dylan that made her feel calm. "So are you guys nervous?" she looked around Dylan's body so that her eyes met Santana's.

The Latina was fidgeting in the corner. "So nervous." She ran her right hand through her hair and walked over to where the two blondes were standing. "Is she here?" she didn't need to elaborate for Quinn to know who 'she' was.

"Yeah she's here. But um… Kristen's here too…" Quinn explained as she rubbed at the back of her neck awkwardly. Santana's fake smile fell to reveal the completely panicked look that had formed on the Latina's face. It wasn't that performing in front of people scared Santana it was the whole trying to win Brittany back that frightened her and having Kristen here tonight made that ten times worse than it was a moment ago.

"I'm going to ask you something and I need you to answer me truthfully, Quinn." Santana said seriously. The blonde just nodded. "Are they dating or is there something going on between them that I should know about?"

Quinn froze. There was so much complicated stuff going on with Brittany and Kristen that she didn't know where to start. She could tell Santana about what happened in LA and potentially break the Latina's heart. She could tell her that it was just a silly but slightly obsessive crush that the brunette had on Brittany or she could tell her there was nothing at all and make everything easy. Quinn decided to go with the latter and hoped that she would have time to explain to Santana some other time the complicated things. "No, they're not together." she shook her head and gave the Latina the best smile she could muster. Santana frowned; she could tell that there was something that Quinn wasn't telling her. But before Santana had a chance to ask Quinn started walking back towards the door. "I'll see you in a couple of minutes." She crossed her two fingers and held it up to the pair that was standing nervously waiting to go on stage.

"Where've you been?" Brittany asked when she walked back up to the bar. Some dick head in a bright orange jacket had taken her seat so Quinn stood on the other side of her friend and sipped at a new drink.

"I had to use the bathroom." She lied but Brittany didn't seem to notice and just nodded. Brittany glared at Kristen from across the bar where she was sitting with Rachel. The Brunette hadn't stopped staring at Brittany's cleavage all night and frankly she was sick of it. Just as she was about to stand up and start screaming in the woman's face, static sounded through speakers around the room and a man's voice came from the stage.

"Hi, my names Dylan…" he paused for a slight second and let his eyes wander around the room. "This is to say sorry to someone very important in this room." He left it at that and looked down at the guitar in his hands as he began to strum at the strings. Brittany rolled her eyes and turned away from the stage. This was all she needed, someone moping about being sorry. _Sometimes sorry isn't good enough. _She thought bitterly to herself.

Brittany nearly choked on her drink as a voice that she hadn't heard in a year and clearly didn't belong to the man sounded through the room; she felt Quinn tense next to her and her eyes bore into the side of her own head.

_I'm so glad you made time to see me._

_How's life? Tell me how's your family?_

_I haven't seen them in a while._

_You've been good, busier than ever,_

_We small talk, work and the weather,_

_Your guard is up and I know why._

_Because the last time you saw me_

_Is still burning in the back of your mind._

_You gave me roses and I left them there to die._

She didn't want herself to turn around and see who she hoped to god was standing on that stage right now. She didn't want to turn around and see that she was going crazy and imagining things like all those other times she had thought she's heard or seen the woman she loved so, so much. That feeling that she had gotten in LA returned and her hands began to shake so much that her glass dropped to the floor by her side and shattered into a hundred little pieces.

_So this is me swallowing my pride,_

_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"_

_And I go back to December all the time._

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you._

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine._

_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right._

_I go back to December all the time._

Santana stared longingly at the back of Brittany's head. She was begging desperately for the blonde to turn around and let their eyes meet. Her own heart was pounding in her chest wildly and she knew that if she was still surviving off of that ICD she would probably be dead right now. She kept her mind split between singing, playing the guitar and staring at Brittany. She didn't falter even though she knew that Rachel and Kristen were glaring at her so harshly that she was sure they were burning holes into her soul.

_These days I haven't been sleeping,_

_Staying up, playing back myself leavin'._

_When your birthday passed and I didn't call._

_And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,_

_I watched you laughing from the passenger side._

_Realized that I loved you in the fall._

_And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind_

_You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"._

Brittany had screwed her eyes tightly shut, her hands were balled up into fists to tight that her knuckles were threatening to split her skin and blood was trickling from where her nails were cutting into her palms. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, after all this time, after so long of staring at the door and hoping that it would open and reveal Santana. She let her eyes flicker open and she knew that there were tears pouring from her eyes but she didn't do anything to wipe them away. Quinn nudged her from the side but the blonde wouldn't budge. "Don't make me turn round, Quinn." She muttered through gritted teeth. "Don't make me look at her."

_So this is me swallowing my pride_

_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."_

_And I go back to December all the time._

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,_

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine._

_I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind_

_I go back to December all the time._

Santana let all the emotion she was feeling for the blonde less than fifty feet away from her seep into her singing. She wanted to show Brittany that she was really sorry and that she was still in love with her. But she couldn't do that properly if Brittany didn't turn round and meet her eyes. She felt her legs begin to shake like jelly when she realised this was her only chance to do this right. She wanted her girl back and she was willing to do anything to make that happen.

_I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,_

_So good to me, so right_

_And how you held me in your arms that September night –_

_The first time you ever saw me cry._

_Maybe this is wishful thinking,_

_Probably mindless dreaming,_

_But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right._

_I'd go back in time and change it but I can't._

_So if the chain is on your door I understand._

Brittany finally let herself turn round but it was so slow it was almost unnoticeable. Her whole body was shaking with the silent sobs that were racking her body and her tears had soaked her chest and the top of her dress. She was pretty sure someone was stabbing her gut and stomach over and over because that's the feeling that she was getting now. She stared at Santana's heel clad feet at first but then slowly dragged her gaze up her perfectly tanned legs, thighs, stomach then her chest where she paused for a moment and then carried right on up to her face.

Her lips.

Her nose.

Her eyes.

Brittany's breath caught in her chest but then she released a high pitched whimper as their intense gaze's met. She felt her bottom lip quiver and even more tears poured from her eyes. The blonde didn't know what to feel. Anger? Sadness? Love? Happiness? Forgiveness? Relief? Maybe it was a mixture of all of them but all she wanted to do was run for the door and hide in her bed she wanted to be as far from Santana as she possibly could but instead of walking in the direction of the door she found her feet carrying her towards the stage.

_But this is me swallowing my pride_

_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."_

_And I go back to December..._

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,_

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine._

_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right._

_I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind_

_I go back to December all the time._

_All the time. _

Santana let a gasp part through her lips when Brittany finally turned round. Her heart literally stooped in her chest and a shot a pain travelled through her body and caused her to flinch. Her eyes widened however, when Brittany started walking towards her. Her bright red cheeks and nose gave away that she was crying, her face was glistening with the salty tears and she could see they were dripping onto the woman's dress.

Brittany was staring up at her with so many different emotions, her face changed with each one but it was almost too quick to spot them. To anyone else they wouldn't have been noticeable but Santana could make out each one and knew that they were all silently screaming at her.

The song came to an end and Santana breathed in a shuddering breath. She hadn't realised she was crying herself until she reached her hand up to her soaked face. Her whole body was shaking but she didn't know what to do. She had planned everything up until this point, what did she say now? Dylan whispered a quiet 'thank you' into the microphone but Brittany and Santana were in their own little world to be able to hear the applause that was coming from all around the room.

The Latina jumped down off the stage and took a single step closer to the blonde. Santana gasped again when she finally got the chance to stare deep into those crystal blue orbs that she dreamt about every night. Those lips, oh how she had missed those lips. Her mind wandered back to the last time she ever saw them curl up into a sweet smile, the last time they had ever said those three heart-warming words that were 'I love you', the last time she had ever kissed them.

Santana watched as memories flickered through Brittany's mind too, her chest rose and fell quicker than it ever had before. She watched as pain and a million other emotions shone in the depths of her eyes. But then they snapped shut to cut off the staring and to shut off the connection between them.

Brittany took two blind steps closer and was now only a centre metre away from touching Santana. She could feel the Latina's breath on her tear soaked chest and goose bumps erupted all over her body. Santana must have dropped her guitar somewhere because now there was literally no space between them as she took her own step forward. Her chest was pressed against the blonde's and they seemed to be breathing in sync as they rose and fell in time with each other.

Brittany's mind was screaming at her for turn and run but her heart was telling her another and had begun to control her movements. Her hand lifted up to cup Santana's cheek and their eyes met. Both women stopped breathing completely.

Santana was about to open her mouth to say something when Brittany's lips came crashing down onto her own. The Latina felt like a nuclear bomb had just gone off in her head, sparks raced down her spine and her blood was boiling. Her face tingled where it came into contact with Brittany's and her knees were threatening to buckles beneath her. She moaned softly into the kiss, a kiss like she had never experienced before in her life. A kiss that reminded her so much of everything she'd always loved and everything she had missed since the day she had left. Santana clutched at the fabric of Brittany's dress as if she could float away of she let go and pulled their bodies impossibly closer. Distant memories flashed through her mind too quickly for her to focus on them but they were so strong that they felt so recent.

Brittany reluctantly pulled away, her mind was racing and her heart was pounding. She stared down into the chocolate brown orbs of Santana's eyes. Oh how she wanted to let herself get lost in them.

"Britt-Britt." Santana whispered. All it took was for Santana to say Brittany's name for everything to zap beck to reality for Brittany. All the pain from the last year came rushing back to her, the pain that Santana had caused. The tears began to fall again and she shook her head. Santana frowned in confusion as Brittany took a step back and flickered her eyes away from the Latina's, she couldn't look at her without wanting to kiss her and tell her how much she loved her but she knew she couldn't do that because she wasn't ready to forgive Santana yet.

"Sorry isn't enough." Brittany said firmly. The sound of her voice startled Santana but sent shivers down her spine nevertheless after not hearing it for so long. "It will never be enough." Santana reached out to hold Brittany hand but the blonde took another step back with a loud sob. "I'll see you around, Santana." She turned around and walked quickly away from the brunette leaving a bar full of people staring wide eyed at her.

Before Santana had a chance to run after Brittany and tell her how much she loved and needed her in her life there was a tanned fist flying at her face and the next thing Santana knew she was smashing into a table and falling to the floor on the other side of it, the room filled with shocked gasps and a few high pitched words that sounded like they came from Quinn. Rachel towered over her with a look of so much anger that she was almost unrecognisable. The Latina stared wide eyed up at the diva with a gaping mouth, there was a deep pounding in the side of her head but she couldn't understand what had just happened, something dripped onto her colar bone but she ignored it.

"Heart condition or not, I told myself that if I ever saw your face again I would beat the shit it out of your ass, Santana Lopez." Rachel didn't sound like Rachel and for the first time in her life Santana was scared of the tiny brunette. "You broke that woman. You broke her so bad and I don't think I can ever forgive you for that." Rachel picked up a pint of beer off the table next to her a poured it right onto Santana's stomach just to add to the dramatics. Santana internally rolled her eyes, hell she wouldn't have done it so Rachel could see in case she actually did get her ass beaten up by her. That would have just been embarrassing. "If you know what's best, you will stay away from Brittany."

The last thing Santana remembered was Quinn pushing a fuming Rachel out of the way and reaching out to place a finger on her head, it stung like a bitch and the brunette flinched away before her eyes flickered closed and everything went black.

* * *

Shout out to the amazing missyellowbrick! Thank you for making me smile like a complete idiot ;)


	31. Chapter 31

I'm sorry it's late! I just haven't had a lot of time to write this week with revision and all so I'm sorry if this chapter isn't as good as the other's.

so I have a question for you all... New York or California... all will be revealed later on in the story! :)

enjoy and please review!

* * *

Chapter 31

"Brittany!" Santana screamed at the top of her lungs from the side walk as she stood in front of her old apartment with Dylan and Quinn holding her up on either side, her voice was shaky as she sobbed and cried. It turns out being punched in the face does terrible things to your hand eye coordination. "Brittany, please listen to me!" she'd been screaming for the past five minutes and was refusing to let anyone take her home even though she was swaying from side to side. "I'm so sorry for leaving you, it was the biggest mistake of my life and I will do anything to make it up to you. I love you more than anything and I want to be with you. Please just listen to me." she pleaded, her voice sounded weak and helpless but she didn't know what else to do.

"Would you shut up?!" A fat grumpy looking man called out of his window from across the street.

"Fuck off before I come over there and make you eat your balls, old man!" the Latina screamed back at him. He gave her a startled look before he climbed back into his window, slammed it shut and drew the curtains closed.

Santana was still dripping from the beer that Rachel had poured down her front but she didn't even care, she knew she probably looked like a mess but why bother trying to fix it when it wasn't important to her? She could feel the blood running down the side of her face and she reached up to touch it. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw how much there was of it. "Quinn." She gasped and lifted her hand to show the two blonde's.

"I have a key in my bag, Dylan can you carry her while I open the doors?" Quinn asked the man on Santana's left, he just nodded and before the Latina could protest she was being lifted into his arms. Everything was spinning and Santana assumed it was down to being punched in the face but she couldn't be sure. They made their way into the familiar stairwell and Santana couldn't hold back the sob that shuddered through her body from the memories she had. The dam holding back the tears collapsed once again for the third time that day and they didn't show any sign of stopping.

"Shush, everything's going to be okay, I promise." Dylan cooed into the woman's ear but she just shook her head.

"No it's not. I've just made her hurt even more. I shouldn't have come back. We should just go home. Please take me home." Santana wined into Dylan's chest. She felt her eyes getting droopy and before long she couldn't keep them open.

"Santana? S? Stay with me, don't go to sleep." Dylan shook Santana in his arms gently until her eyes flickered open but only slightly. "Stay awake, we'll get you cleaned up and then we'll take you back to the hotel." Santana nodded weakly but then began to mumble incoherently up until they reached the apartment door when she froze, everything went silent.

"I can't go in there… Britt hates me." She kicked her legs out so that they were pushing against the wall and away from the door.

"Santana, we need to get you cleaned up." Quinn said as she unlocked the door but before she could get in she was bombarded by a still furious Rachel and a pissed Kristen, Brittany must have been somewhere in the apartment trying to get away from all the commotion.

"Get out. She's not coming into my home." Rachel snapped. Santana just began to sob even harder into Dylan's chest.

"She's hurt, Rachel. I need to help her." Quinn snapped back just as harshly and it seemed that Rachel was startled by her tone because she stumbled back a couple of inches.

"That's not my problem." Rachel shrugged and tried to close the door on Dylan and Santana. Quinn slammed her hand into the door and stopped its movement's; she looked down at Rachel with anger burning in her eyes.

"It is your problem because you did this to her, now get out of my way before I completely lose it with you Rachel." Rachel's eyes widened in shock it looked like all hell was about to break loose.

"Excuse me? You can't talk to me like that." The diva stuttered out frantically.

"Move." Quinn pushed passed her girlfriend with her hand wrapped around Dylan's arm as she pulled them towards the kitchen. "Sit her on there." The blonde patted the area next to the sink and Dylan set Santana down gently.

"I can clean myself up at home you know… we should just go home, Dylan. Take me home before I start scream-" she didn't get a chance to finish when the man placed his hand over her mouth to shut her up. She scowled up at him in annoyance and did the only thing she could do to get him to remove his hand…

"You can keep licking my hand all you like; it's not going to make me pull away. Just to let you know I was watching porn today and this is my right hand." He smirked down at the Latina, her eye's widened and her face went pail as her tongue shot back into her mouth. "That's what I thought. Now just shut up so we can get you sorted." Santana nodded weakly. She clenched her fists around Dylan's arms and squeezed her eyes shut when Quinn placed a damp cloth against the cut on the side of her left eyebrow.

"Ow! Jesus, Quinn." Santana muffled into Dylan's hand.

"Sorry, sorry. Just keep still." Quinn placed a hand gently onto Santana's face as she mopped up the blood and held the cloth against the cut. The three of them were ignoring the two pairs of eyes of glaring at them from the kitchen doorway.

"You shouldn't have come back, Santana." Kristen spoke for the first time, her voice was harsh and laced with venom and it only caused anger to bubble up in the pit of Santana's stomach. "She was finally getting back to normal and now you've sent her right back to square one." She spat. Santana let her grip tighten on Dylan's arms. She knew that if she were to let go she wouldn't hesitate on throwing herself at the freakishly tall woman. "You left because of your heart and now you come back with the same risks of dropping dead at any second. Why would you do that to Brittany?" Santana's eyes slowly opened causing Rachel and Kristen to take a step back from the door. The Latina's eyes were almost black with fury as she stared daggers at the two women.

"S, calm down." Quinn whispered softly into her ear. Santana closed her eyes again but didn't release her grip on the man blocking her from throwing her whole body at Kristen and possibly Rachel if she were to get in the way.

"You're selfish, Santana." Kristen snapped from across the room, it was clear she was only trying to get a rise out of the Latina so it looked like she was the bad guy in all of this – well maybe she was, maybe she shouldn't have come back but she love Brittany more than anything and she wouldn't never purposely hurt the blonde.

"Tell them, tell them you got a new heart and that's why you're back." Quinn whispered loud enough for only Dylan to hear.

"Santana, you can't let them do this to you, just tell them." The man said just as desperately as Quinn had.

But Santana shook her head. "No, they'll think I'm lying just to get Brittany back and I don't want her to hear it from them. I'll tell her when I'm ready." The two blonde's next to her sighed but nodded their heads anyway. Quinn reached over into a fist aid kit and pulled out some butterfly stitches, Santana's mind flashed back to the night of the thunder storm when she had raced home to find Brittany curled up in her bed sheets.

The Latina's lips curled up into a smile at the memory. She had fixed Brittany's face up with the same kind of stitches and had placed ice packs on her ribs after she had had that fight with her dance teacher. She remembered their upside down kiss, how Brittany had clung to her t-shirt for dear life and then how they'd fallen asleep in each other's arms. She missed that so much, waking up in an empty bed when she'd hoped to find a sleeping blonde next to her.

She felt fresh tears streak down her face and she reached up to wipe them away, her eyes slowly flickered open and immediately met with ocean blue orbs that were bloodshot and blotchy, the woman had clearly been crying just as much as she had. Santana held her breath to stop what was probably a sob or a whimper from escaping her lips as Brittany took a step into the kitchen. The blonde walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, she kept her eyes glued to the floor as she went about her business until she came to a stop less than three feet away from the Latina. "I waited for you, Santana. I waited for 378 days for you to walk back in through that door and tell me how sorry you were and that you'd made a mistake." Brittany's eyes were glued to the cupboard behind Santana's head, her hand was pointing in the direction of the front door. "But you never did and I don't think I can forgive you for leaving me for so long." Brittany blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes and she took a mouthful of water to stop any embarrassing noises from escaping.

Santana had been looking down at her hands guiltily the whole time Brittany had been speaking but as soon as she stopped she met the blonde's gaze and poured as much love into her eyes as she could to show her that Brittany was the only one she wanted. She wanted to reach out and pull the blonde into her arms and never let go. She wanted to kiss her until she understood that why she left was to keep her safe. Santana wanted Brittany to understand.

"You can't look at me like that anymore." Brittany snapped.

Santana flinched at the harshness of her voice. "Like what?"

"Like you still love me." Brittany's voice turned soft but a slight quiver began to form as her emotions took over.

"I do still love you, Britt." Santana protested, she watched as the blonde's insides melted at the term of endearment. The Latina knew that she was the only one who ever called her that and no one would have used that name for Brittany in the past year.

"If you loved me, you would never have left me alone. You lost the right to look at me like that the day you decided to break my heart, Santana." The Latina felt her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces. It wasn't like the heart break she had been feeling over the last twelve months; this was much, much worse. She let out a heart wrenching sob and buried her face into her hands. Brittany turned away so that she didn't have to watch the woman she loved break right in front of her eyes. "Now will you please, get out of my home?" And with that, she stormed out of the kitchen and back to her room where the door slammed loudly behind her. Santana nodded sadly in resignation but before she jumped down off of the counter she pulled a bright pink envelope out of her bag and handed it over to Quinn.

"Give this to her." she whispered. Quinn nodded and quickly pulled Santana into a tight hug.

"Will I be able to see you before you leave?" the blonde asked, she wasn't sure whether or not Santana was going to be staying the full two weeks or just pack up and leave.

"I'm not sure but I'll call you tomorrow. Thank you, Quinn, for everything." The Latina reassured her and returned the hug before lacing her fingers with Dylan's and led him out of the apartment but not before bashing her shoulder harshly against Kristen's side. "Bye, Britt." She whispered softly barley loud enough for Dylan to hear her.

"What the fuck was that?" Rachel slammed her hands into Quinn's shoulder and pushed her up against the fridge door when she knew Santana and Dylan were gone.

"Ow!" Quinn glared down at the diva standing in front of her. "What was that for?"

"You and Santana?" she screeched in that obnoxiously loud voice of hers. "_Why_ in the name of Barbara Streisand are you talking to her? Why are you not mad at her? After everything that's happened, you're best friends again! I don't get it, so please feel free to explain."

Quinn rolled her eyes, pushed passed her girlfriend and walked out into the living room where Kristen was standing with her arms crossed. "You should leave." She pointed at the brunette. "You're lucky I didn't tell her about what happened in LA because I'm pretty sure she was about to kill you in there." Kristen smirked clearly not believing Quinn's threat. "Oh, I'm not joking." The blonde said seriously causing Kristen's smirk to slowly drop and her face to run pale. "Get out." She snapped.

The brunette was about to protest when a soft voice sounded from the hall way. "She's right, you should leave." Brittany whispered her eyes were still bloodshot and blotchy from crying. "And she's not joking about Santana; I would keep away from her if you know what's good for you." Brittany was glad that she finally had a reason to keep Kristen away from her.

"I'll see you at work." Kristen said as she picked up her things and walked out of the apartment.

That was when Quinn's blood ran cold and the hair on the back of her neck stood up on end. She was alone in an apartment with two _very_ emotional women who looked about ready to bite her head off, no wait scratch that, they looked about ready to _sever_ her whole body to pieces. She took two defensive steps backwards until she knocked into the coffee table and came to a halt. "Let… let me explain." She stuttered out frantically as she held up her hands in front of her in case of any attacks which she wouldn't put it passed the two furious of women inching closer and closer towards her.

"She was here yesterday wasn't she?" Brittany said as a light bulb went off in her head. "That's why there were two glasses and why you were acting so weird." Quinn opened and closed her mouth frantically as she tried to form words but nothing seemed to be coming out. "Just answer the question, Quinn!" the shorter blonde just nodded her head and did her best to look slightly guilty.

"I'm sorry! She just turned up at the door and… and… I didn't know what to do. I was surprised and we started talking and-"

"You didn't tell me?" Rachel's voice paused Quinn's explanation and the blonde removed her gaze from an angry Brittany towards her girlfriend who was standing behind the sofa with her eyes drowning in tears. "She came back and you didn't tell me?"

"Rach… I'm sorry she told me not to tell anyone anything." Quinn tried but the diva just shook her head.

"Did you know about what she was going to do tonight?" the brunette asked. Her voice was strained and Quinn could tell she was holding back a sob.

"Yeah, she did." Brittany said from behind the couple. "That's why you were all nervous tonight and that's why you took us to _Vibez_…" Brittany trailed off as everything began to click in her head.

"Wow, you're fucking Sherlock Holmes tonight." Quinn exclaimed sarcastically as she held her hands in the air.

"Get out." Rachel said firmly.

"What?" Quinn turned around slightly startled.

"Get out before I completely blow your head off, Quinn."

Quinn shook her head incredulously, "This is so stupid! You're acting like I've just cheated on you!" Quinn protested. "She's my best friend and I love her," she turned to look at Brittany. "You made a mistake tonight, Brittany. You know that? You have no idea how much she's been through and how hard it's been for her to come back here-"

"What about what I've been through, Quinn?" Brittany screamed angrily. "She left me!"

Quinn slammed the pink envelope down onto the coffee table and glared at Brittany. "Make things right with her before you lose her." she pushed passed the blonde and stopped in front of Rachel. The diva held up a hand to stop her from leaning into kiss her and just pointed towards the door. "Call me when you both grow up and stop being so pathetic." She snapped and stormed out of the door and into the pouring rain of New York City.

_I may have just lost my girlfriend/fiancé and one of my best friends. Nice one, Fabrey, nice one. _

"Shush, everything's going to be okay, I've got you, every thing's going to be okay." Dylan held Santana in his arms and rocked her back and forth as she sobbed loudly into his chest. Her hands were clenched tightly around his shirt while her whole body shook and her tears soaked through to his chest. Dylan was doing her best to calm the Latina in his arms but nothing seemed to be working as time passed the louder she cried and the heavier the tears fell.

"I need to go home; I need to get away from here."

The man's grip tightened around Santana's waist and he began to whisper softly into her ear. "No, come on. Just give them a few more days and they'll come around. Don't worry." She shook her head furiously causing tears to drip from her chin and jaw.

"No, they hate me. They're not going to talk to me again." she carried on sobbing and soon enough she began to mumble incoherently until her eyes began to droop and she fell asleep in Dylan's arms. That didn't stop the tears from dripping from her eyes though and the odd high pitched whimper or mutter. The blonde carefully lifted Santana up and laid her down in her bed where he pulled off her heals and wrapped her up in the bed sheets to keep her warm. Just as he was about to turn the lights off and leave to go to his own room there was a soft knock at the door. He flinched and turned back to look at the Latina to make sure she hadn't woken up, she stirred once then twice but her eyes remained closed. Dylan sighed in relief and opened the door to reveal a dishevelled looking blonde with short hair and a couple of inches shorter than himself.

"Quinn?" He arched an eyebrow at the woman in the doorway. "What are you doing here?"

Quinn rubbed at the back of her neck awkwardly as she began to blush. "I was looking for Santana…" she looked up to meet Dylan's eyes but her own were red and bloodshot and her mascara had run in little rivers down her face.

"She's asleep." He said softly. "I can leave her a message…"

Quinn just shook her head. "Rachel and Brittany kicked me out. I was hoping I could stay with S for a little while." The man hesitated for a few seconds but finally nodded and opened the door wide enough for Quinn to get into the room.

"I guess they didn't take it so well…?" He asked cautiously, he didn't want to set another woman of crying.

"No, shit kind of hit the fan." She chuckled coldly to herself. "I guess that's what happens when you keep secrets though."

"I know what you mean…" Dylan agreed sadly. His mind immediately flashed to his parents and how they had kept secrets from each other for almost a year. _Look how that turned out._ "I'm going to head back to my room; I'll be back in the morning to check on her."

"I'll keep an eye on her until then." She reassured him and climbed up onto the bed behind Santana.

"I wouldn't worry about that, she'll sleep for about an hour or so then wake up." Quinn cocked her head curiously. "She doesn't sleep very well anymore." He explained but he didn't give the blonde a chance to start speaking. "Good night, Quinn. It was nice to finally put a face to your name." he smiled genuinely down at the blonde before he turned off of the lights and left the room. Quinn rubbed the heels of her hands into her eyes and groaned as she dropped backwards onto the pillow.

"How do you do it, S? How have you coped this long?" Quinn muttered to herself and pulled of her boots so that she could climb under the covers with her best friend. She turned to face Santana, the cut on her head had now formed a lump about the size of a golf ball and her eyelid had turned a bright red-purple colour. She reached out and traced along her eyebrow until she was met with the red sticky liquid that was starting to seep through the stitches. "Shit." Quinn jumped up quickly and ran off to the bathroom where she picked up a damp cloth and carried it back through to where Santana was sleeping. She sat down on the bed and cradled the Latina's head in her hand while the other cleaned up the blood and threw the stitches in the bin that was sitting next to the bed.

Santana began to stir softly before her eyes flickered open and her gaze met the blonde's. She let her surroundings sink in before she slowly sat up and let Quinn dab away at her cut. "You talk to yourself too much." She muttered with a slight smirk.

The corner of Quinn's mouth lifted into a smile and her head cocked to the side. "What's your proof?"

"Well you were just talking to yourself like five minutes ago…" she said sleepily. "And then the day I came back, just before you answered the door you were arguing with yourself." Santana's smirk grew at Quinn's shocked expression.

"Lies, it's all lies." The blonde exaggerated playfully. "I was talking to you just now."

"I was asleep." Santana deadpanned.

Quinn stuttered over her words for a moment. "Yeah… but… but… shut up, Lopez." She muttered with a wide smile. She held the cloth to Santana's head and they just stared at each other. They'd both really missed been able to act like this with each other.

"I've missed you, Quinn." Santana finally broke the silence. "So much, it didn't feel right not having my best friend by my side, especially when I was going through all that stuff with my mom and the surgery." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "Every time I closed my eyes I expected you, Britt and even Rachel to be standing next to me smiling and telling me everything was going to be okay. But you weren't-" Santana broke off on a sob and she dropped her head to the blonde's shoulder. "I tried… so many times… I tried to call you… one of you… but every time it rang I got nervous and hung up. I just wanted to hear someone's voice."

Quinn circled her arms around Santana's waist and let her own tears fall from her eyes. "You're here now."

"I'm going to make up for the last year, I promise." Santana said surely.

"You can't make up for a whole year in the space of two weeks…"

"I'll do the best I can."

"You could just stay here permanently." Quinn offered with a shrug. She didn't want to seem too clingy but she didn't want to lose her best friend again, not after all of the pain she felt the first time. Santana shook her head against Quinn's shoulder.

"I can't. Britt doesn't want me here. I have nowhere to stay. I have a job back in Cali; I have a home, my father's there." Santana explained sadly. Quinn just nodded sadly and averted her gaze away from Santana. She didn't want to let the Latina see all of the pain that she was sure had flooded into her eyes. Santana frowned and reached out to cup the blonde's cheek so that she could see her properly. "Quinn, I told you I'm not going anywhere yet. I have two weeks left can we just make the best of them?" Quinn sighed and did her best to crack a smile even if it was sad and full of pain, it was a smile nonetheless.

"Okay, what did you have in mind?" the blonde asked.

Victoria's Secret… Santana wasn't ashamed to admit that this was by far her favourite shop in the world. And hell did she miss it. Living in California had its positives – the weather being one of them – but living with men and not having one female friend there kind of added to the negatives. Sure she could ask Dylan for fashion advice but what happened when it came to her underwear? She just couldn't bring herself to ask him about that kind of stuff, even the thought of it made blush creep up her face. This was why she had a best friend like Quinn.

"What about these? Sexy right? You like this sort of stuff... don't you?" The blonde was holding up a black and red thong with a matching lacy bra as she eyed them closely. When she spoke, Santana could hear the caution in her in her voice. The truth was Quinn hadn't seen Santana in such a long time that she wasn't sure whether or not she was still into the same sort of things as she sued to be.

Santana sighed and began to pick at the edge of her jacket sleeve before she shrugged and looked back up at her best friend. "They're nice…" She muttered still not making eye contact with the blonde.

Quinn arched her eyebrow in confusion. "But…?"

Santana finally looked up. "What's the point in wearing something sexy when no one is going to see them?" She pulled the underwear out of Quinn's hands, hung them up and walked over to a pair of underwear that looked like they had been specially made for an old woman. "_This _is the kind of stuff I should be wearing. Hey, while I'm at it I could join a nunnery and wear a steel cage around my hips." She said sarcastically.

Quill rolled her eyes so hard that Santana was ready to dive and catch them if they fell out of her head. "Don't be so morbid, Santana. If you're going to think like that you're never going to get Brittany back." The Latina just shook her head exasperatedly and walked off towards a t-shirt that had caught her eye. "If you bought something like that it would boost up your confidence again."

Santana turned round to face the blonde. "What makes you think I'm not confident?" Quinn just shrugged and carried on walking causing the Latina to chase after her. "Q, what do you mean I'm_ not confident_?" Santana reached out and grabbed Quinn's shoulder to turn and face her.

"Usually you would have been all over them underwear, Santana. In fact you would have been picking out an even sexier pair but you never." Santana blushed and ducked her head in defeat. "This isn't like you, Santana. You've changed."

Santana frowned and ducked her head as she thought about Quinn's words. She knew she had changed and she knew that some of that change wasn't good but she also knew that out of everything that had happened, she had definitely grown stronger and learned from all of her mistakes, big and small. "A lot of stuff has happened this year." She muttered.

Quinn scoffed, "Understatement, I mean look at everything that's happened with you. You've been to hell and back."

Santana let the corner of her mouth slowly curl up into a smile as she nodded in agreement. "It's gave me something to learn from, all those mistakes, leaving Britt, you, Rach and everyone else. Not giving my mom another chance to talk to me before she died." Quinn nodded in understanding.

"You're not the only one, B's definitely learned from hers." Quinn's eyes widened as she realised she'd slipped up; Santana tilted her head to the side in confusion over the blondes words.

"What mistakes has Britt made…?" the Latina asked cautiously, she wasn't sure if she wanted to know. What if it was something serious and Brittany had gotten hurt or maybe she'd hurt someone else? Santana watched as Quinn seemed to have an internal battle with herself. "Q?" she urged the blonde to speak.

"It's not like she told me not to tell anyone, and they haven't exactly been keeping it a secret…" Quinn muttered to herself but it was still loud enough for Santana to hear. The Latina tried to hide the smirk that had formed on her face as she remembered the conversation they had had the night before. _Doesn't talk to herself, my ass. _"Okay, please don't freak out…" Quinn started with a completely serious face, her hands were held out in front of her like she was defending herself from an attack that the Latina might cause. This made the nerves in Santana stomach intensify. "I don't think that B would want me to tell you this but I suppose you sort of have a right to know."

She paused to let her words sink in to Santana's head. "Quinn, you're scaring me…"

Quinn sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "You know that she was in LA around Christmas right?" Santana nodded but chose not to tell the blonde that she'd been there and had watched Brittany dance. "Okay, so she had some sort of panic attack when they were leaving the stage and ran out of the building." Santana didn't even have to think about what caused her to have a panic attack, she was pretty sure it was all down to her… but Brittany hadn't even seen her, had she? "B said that she went to a bar across the road from their hotel room and drank until she couldn't see straight. Kristen came and picked her up and took her back but something happened…" she trailed off when she saw the colour drain from Santana's face as she began to think ahead to what had happened. "S?" The Latina shook her head and gestured for the blonde to carry on. "Are you sure?" Santana just nodded. "Um… Kristen kissed her and one thing led to another and-"

Santana didn't give the blonde the chance to finish speaking. "They slept together." She spat coldly. Quinn took a step backwards away from Santana. Never in all the time she had known her best friend had she ever seen her this furious. Quinn could physically feel the anger generating off her body.

"S, calm down." Quinn reached out to place her hand on the Latina's shoulder but before she could touch her, Santana snapped her arm out of reach and spun around on her heals as she raced towards the exit and out onto the busy streets of New York. "Santana, wait! You're going to do something stupid." She called after the woman who was now storming in the direction of the dance studio.

"Hey, Brittany? Can you help me with this?" Kristen called from behind the front reception desk of the studio. Her arms were stacked full of bills and other paper work, the pile was so high that it was hiding her head. "Brittany!" she screamed at the top of her lungs when the blonde didn't respond to her the first time around.

"I'm right here!" Brittany snapped angrily. "What do you want?" she crossed her arms over her chest and waited for the brunette to reply.

"Can you get some of these." She wiggled her arms slightly to gesture to the files in her arms. Brittany sighed in annoyance but reached out to take some off of the top. But just as they were slipping off and into her own arms, the glass doors at the entrance swung open and slammed against the walls. Brittany jumped at the noise and stumbled back which caused the files in Kristen's arms to topple and fall the floor, they slid and scattered everywhere. "_Brittany_!" Kristen screeched but the blonde ignored her. She was too focused on the Latina who was storming towards them in an angry fit of rage.

"You. Fucking. Piece. Of. Shit." Santana snarled, her fists were clenched harshly by her sides but when Brittany looked up to her face her eyes seemed to be glassed over like she had been crying or was about to. Brittany stumbled back, her foot slid on one of the files and her whole body flew into the air but before she could hit the ground Kristen had her arms wrapped around her waist. Brittany scowled up at the woman and was about to push her away when Santana beat her to it. The Latina grabbed Kristen by her shoulder and pulled her away from Brittany.

"What the fuck, Santana? You're crazy." Kristen shouted as she got all up in the tiny girls face but Santana didn't back down. She squared her shoulders, stood up as tall as she could on her tip toes, leaned forward and lowered her voice to show that she wasn't scared by the freakishly tall woman.

"You…" she jabbed her finger hard into Kristen's chest. "You let Brittany get drunk, you let her get so drunk that she didn't know what her own name was and then you took advantage of her." Kristen's hard exterior began to vanish as Santana got louder and angrier. She hadn't believed Brittany and Quinn when they'd told her that Santana wouldn't think twice about killing her, but as she looked down at the Latina as she screamed furiously into her face she began to realise that they were right.

"Santana…" Kristen stuttered out as she held her hands up in defence. She looked over at Brittany for help but the blonde was frozen where she stood, her eyes were wide as she watched the two women interact. Brittany had no idea how Santana had found out about her sleeping with Kristen but her question was answered when Quinn came running in the door with a flushed face.

"S, you need to calm down. This isn't good for you." Quinn was about to pull Santana away when Kristen brought her hands up and pushed the Latina hard in her chest. Santana grunted as she stumbled back and slipped on some of the files. Quinn caught her just in time before she collapsed to the floor but Santana quickly regained balance and lunged for the brunette, her fist smashed into the side of Kristen's face with a bone chilling crunch.

"Santana!" Brittany and Quinn squealed at the same time.

"How could you do that to her?" Santana screamed her whole body was shuddering as the boiling anger coursed through her veins. Kristen was hunched over covering her nose which was now bleeding through her hands. "She was drunk and you took advantage of my girlfriend." She snarled without realising the slip up. "You practically raped her!" Santana's voice finally broke and her tears began to fall freely down her cheeks.

"She didn't stop me." Kristen protested with a grunt.

"She couldn't! She was drunk!" Santana screamed and tried to take another swing for the woman's face but this time a pale hand stopped her. It was clutched firmly around her own, Santana shivered at the contact and the familiar feeling of electricity and sparks whirled around her body. Santana's hands were still shaking but the anger began to die down, she let her eyes follow up the pale arm until she was at Brittany's shoulder and then dragged her teary eyes up to the perfect blue orbs she would never get tired of looking into. "You slept with her." She stated sadly and finally broke eye contact.

The blonde felt her heart breaking in her chest at the sound of Santana's pained voice. "I'm sorry… I… I…" Brittany didn't know what to say as her own voice cracked and her eyes glazed over.

The Latina had nothing to say. She knew it wasn't Brittany's fault but she couldn't help but feel the smallest bit of anger towards the woman she loved. She still felt like she'd been cheated on. Santana held up her hand and took a few steps back from the blonde. She pointed at the brunette whose bottom half of her face was now covered with bright red blood. "If I ever see you so much as look at her I will kill you. Don't think I'm joking 'coz I'm not. You're sick." Santana began to mumble something in Spanish under her breath. "I knew there was something wrong, ever since the first day I met you I've wanted to strangle you." Santana snapped.

"Come on, Santana. Let's get you back…" Quinn wrapped her arms around Santana and slowly began to lead the woman towards the doors when suddenly, Santana's knees gave way and she dropped to the floor.

"San!" Brittany's voice sounded through the silent studio as she rushed to the woman's side. Santana felt her lips slowly curl up into a smile at the sound of her name rolling off of Brittany's tongue but it soon disappeared when she realised that the room was spinning and a familiar wave of nausea formed in the pit of her stomach. She clutched at Quinn's arm that was still wrapped securely around her.

"I don't feel too good." She slurred before her eyes drooped and she passed out.

"Shit." Quinn wrapped both of her arms around Santana and looked up to Brittany with pleading eyes. "Help me." the taller blonde nodded furiously but she couldn't keep her hands steady when she started to panic. Santana began to unconsciously mumble incoherently. The taller blonde's hands shook violently as she helped Quinn left Santana off the ground and carried her past Kristen who was now leaning against the front desk with a handful of tissues pressed to her nose.

"Is she okay?" she asked bitterly.

Brittany just shot her a warning glare and carried on towards the staff break room at the back of the building. When they were finally out of earshot she turned to Quinn. "What happened?" she asked worriedly.

"I don't know, she took her meds this morning so this shouldn't have happened." She paused knowing that Santana wanted to tell Brittany about her heart transplant herself so she chose not to elaborate any further. "Can you reach into her pocket and call Dylan for me? He should know what to do…" Brittany did as she was told and let Quinn lay the Latina down on one of the sofas in the room. "Come on, S. Wake up…" she lifted the brunette's ankles up into the air like Marco had taught them over a year ago and propped them up onto a few pillows. Santana's eyes began to flicker but not quite open and her hands were twitching by her sides.

"He's on his way, is she okay?" Brittany asked from behind Quinn, the sound of her voice caused Santana to snap her eyes open.

"Britt…?" the Latina groaned out in a confused voice. She lifted her hand up to her forehead and rubbed to try and rid the grogginess from her head. "What happened?" she reached out to Brittany but the blonde just stared down at the hand before stumbling backwards like it was on fire or something. She couldn't hold Santana's hand, it would hurt too much. As much as she loved Santana she couldn't risk been hurt again, her liver had just forgiven her for poisoning it for so long…

Quinn let out a sigh of relief and let her shoulders relax as she propped herself up on the side of the sofa. "You passed out…" Santana's eyes widened in panic, "That's never happened before since…" she pointed at Santana's chest but kept her voice low so that the blonde behind them didn't catch on to what they were talking about. The Latina shook her head 'no'. Quinn felt the panic rise within her again but before she could say anything there was a knock at the door and Kristen poked her head in through the gap.

Santana shot the woman daggers from where she was laying but the brunette didn't seemed fazed. _Bitch, I won't hesitate on coming over there and punching you again… maybe I could give you a black eye to match that broken nose of yours… _"I don't think you should be in here right now." Brittany's voice pulled Santana from her thoughts when she walked over to the door to push the taller woman out. But she stopped when Kristen leaned down to whisper something in her ear that Santana couldn't quite make out. "I'll be right back." The blonde called to Santana and Quinn before she hurried out of the room and into Kristen's empty office. A wave of jealously flushed over Santana.

"What do you want, Kristen?" she snapped and crossed her arms tightly across her chest and began to tap her foot impatiently. When she didn't say anything the blonde let out an exasperated sigh. "I don't have time for this." Brittany was about to turn and head back to where Santana was when Kristen grabbed her shoulder to turn her back to face her but she _still_ wasn't saying anything. "You know what? I'm sick of this. I don't like you, I don't want to be with you and I just want you to stay away from me. Every time I think of you I can't help but cringe because that night was the biggest mistake of my life." She bit harshly.

"Brittany-" Kristen started but she wasn't given a chance to finish.

"No. let me finish. I am in love with Santana and I don't want to be with anyone else but her. I've tried to keep away from you but you just keep worming your way right back in and I can't take it anymore." Brittany had to take a deep breath to keep herself calm and to keep her voice quiet so that Quinn and Santana wouldn't hear what she was saying. "I quit." She finished with a satisfied nod of her head.

A smug smile formed on Kristen's face and Brittany had the urge to smack it off. "If you had just let me explain." She said and mirrored the blonde's position. "I was about to tell you that the studio has been offered the opportunity to open a dance school in LA… after the performance a lot of people seemed interested." She explained but Brittany just arched her eyebrow in confusion. She didn't see why this was so important that she had to drag her away from Santana. "We need someone to go over there and manage the new studio…" Brittany's eyes widened in realisation. "I was going to take the job and leave you in charge here. Do you still want to quit?" she finished with an amused smile.

"Marco said that you just need to drink lots of fluids, rest and take another pill." Dylan said as he hung up the phone and crouched down in front of the Latina. "He said that you're new heart probably isn't used to so much in one go, you need to take it easy."

Santana nodded in understanding and took a sip of water and swallowed one of the pills she had in her bag. "Thank you." She said to the two blondes in front of her.

"You need to tell her, S."

"I know, I just don't think it's the right time yet, Q. She's not ready to hear that." Santana mumbled sadly as she ducked her head away from the eyes of her two best friends. "She's had a lot to come to terms with lately and I don't want to add to everything."

"You'll have to tell her sooner or later." Quinn explained.

"Tell her what?" everyone's head snapped up in surprise to be met by the dark chocolate eyes of one Rachel Berry.

"Rachel, what are you doing here?" Quinn stuttered out.

"Kristen called me and said I had to come down here fast." She walked over to where everyone was sitting. "What happened? And tell her what?" she repeated.

The second question deliberately went unanswered. "I punched Kristen." Santana deadpanned. "And then I collapsed." A flash of what looked to be concern formed of Rachel's face before it turned into one of anger or annoyance.

"You're just causing trouble, Santana." She snapped. Santana couldn't stop her eyes from rolling as she looked down at her hands. "You should just hurry up and go home already." Rachel didn't even bother to hide the pain she was feeling from her voice. She didn't care if Santana and everyone else in this room knew how much she was hurting.

"I'll be out of your way in a week and a bit, don't worry." Santana muttered as she began to roll her wrists in her lap. "Rachel…?" she asked, her voice sounded so soft that it didn't actually sound like Santana.

"What?"

"I really am sorry for hurting you, all of you. I was only trying to keep you all safe…" Quinn and Dylan laced their fingers with the Latina as she spoke. "I didn't mean to cause so much trouble by coming back here." Rachel's shoulders dropped and her eyes softened as she looked into the Latina's honest eyes.

"Whatever, if you hurt her any more than you already have I won't hesitate in kicking your ass." And Santana knew that Rachel was telling the truth. She nodded in understanding before the diva turned to Quinn with loving eyes. "I owe you an apology but can we talk back home?"

Santana felt the blonde tense next to her. "Home?" she asked bitterly.

"Yes, home. You, Brittany and me. Our home." Her voice was pleading and full of love. "Please come home, just so we can talk." The Latina wouldn't have been surprised if the diva got down on her hands and knees and begged Quinn to come home.

"Fine," the blonde sighed and Santana released her hand. "I'll call you tonight. We should meet up sometime later this week." Quinn whispered to the Latina who nodded and let the blonde stand. Rachel extended her hand for Quinn to take, she stared at it for a moment like it was some sort of foreign object but she finally took it. Santana felt bad for doing this to the couple. They were talking about getting married for crying out loud and now they could barely hold hands. She knew she had to make it right somehow, there were a lot of things she had to make right…

Santana leaned her whole body against Dylan who was sitting next to her; she could feel his eyes on her head. "Don't start with the lectures please. I just want to go back and sleep." Santana warned.

"I wasn't going to lecture you…" he paused and Santana knew he had something else to say. "You look like you've been in a battle or something." He chuckled causing Santana to bob up and down against his chest.

"Shut up." She giggled and slapped his thigh playfully. Just as she was about to say something, the door opened and in walked the definition of pure beauty. "Britt…" she said because it was the only word in her head that would form in her mouth without it coming out slurred and muffled.

Brittany just stood staring at the woman on the sofa, she had been hoping that Quinn was still here so that it wouldn't have been so awkward but now it was just Santana and Dylan... Her voice was caught somewhere in her throat and every time her mouth opened nothing came out. _You look like a fucking goldfish. Say something! _

_She looks so perfect._

"You look perfect." She muttered out. _Oh my god. What is wrong with you?! _The room filled with a heavy silence that was almost deafening and quickly turned awkward. Brittany's eyes were wide as she looked everywhere in the room but at the woman she was madly in love with and her male companion – who she was yet to be acquainted with...

A furious blush burned up Santana's neck and onto her face. She smiled involuntary and ducked her head to hide it as best as she could but it was too late, Brittany had already seen it and was now freaking out inside of her head.

"I didn't mean to say that… I mean I did… but not out loud… just in my head… ugh." She groaned and buried her face into her hands. Santana wanted to jump off of the sofa and kiss the blonde to death because oh my god was she being so adorable. But apparently the universes had it in for her because there was a knock on the door and who Santana assumed was a student came in to inform Brittany that her class was here. "I better go. I hope you're okay." Santana nodded in reassurance, Brittany returned a soft smile before reluctantly following the boy out and left Dylan and her alone again.

"Well… that was awkward." Dylan mumbled sarcastically.

"Ugh… just take me home already." Santana's heart was racing from being in the same room as Brittany she knew it would probably have burst through her rib cage if it had just been the two of them.

At least they were making progress….


	32. Chapter 32

I'm sorry it's late, I hope you dont hate me. I've just been really busy with revision and I've started my job so I just haven't had time to write... Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and dont hate me for the ending.

I wanted to get this up as soon as possible so I haven't checked for spelling mistakes or anything like that.

please review and love you all!

* * *

Chapter 32

Santana hated New York traffic, she always had and she was sure she always would. Back in California it wouldn't take you an hour for what usually would have been a ten minute drive, she didn't have to try and navigate her way around the bustling streets, there was no one to blear their car horn at her for cutting in front and there was barely ever traffic jams. She had just gotten her car back three days ago but no matter how much she had missed driving her baby around, she was already sick to death of it.

"Fucking move, you son of a bitch!" Santana screamed at the cab in front of her that was sitting at a green light, not moving. The guy behind the wheel just turned and stuck his finger up at the Latina before he began to drive annoyingly slow down the street. The brunette didn't think she could be in any more of a mood until a drop of rain landed on her windshield. "Oh god, please no." she begged as she hoped that it wouldn't start raining. She missed the sun, she missed it more than she thought she ever would and she couldn't help but look forward to go back there….

"Wow, what crawled up your ass and died?" Dylan asked from the passenger seat. He clung to the door handle for dear life with one hand and the other was wrapped around his seatbelt.

Santana snorted at his appearance and let a small smirk grace her face. "You look ridiculous… would you just calm down." She chuckled.

"Would you stop with the road rage? I would like to at least have had dinner before I die." he deadpanned and slowly relaxed back into his seat as they pulled up in front of the hotel.

Santana just rolled her eyes and climbed out of the car. "Oh please. Would you stop being such a drama queen? I swear to god, you're just as bad as Kurt." Dylan's jaw dropped and his hand came up to his heart as he feigned hurt. He'd heard enough about the other man to feel slightly insulted by her comment.

"I'm not _that_ gay!" he gasped in a high pitched voice which completely ruined his argument.

"Of course not." Santana mused sarcastically as they made their way back up to the room. She couldn't wait just to lie down and do nothing at all, even though it hadn't been a busy day it had felt long and tiring. Santana and Dylan had spent the best part of their morning packing up all of her old clothes and some essentials from Brittany's 'new' room – which Santana was completely surprised to see that everything was mostly the same and unmoved – and put them in the back of her car ready to take back to California with them. Quinn had called when Rachel had gone to school and Brittany had gone to work so that there would be no arguments or potential fights.

But what came with the packing was the unexpected pain that had formed deep within her chest. Taping up those boxes was like shutting away a piece of herself the piece that kept her sane and alive, the one thing she had gone the past year without… Brittany. It was like she was finally giving up and moving on when she knew she wasn't ready, she knew she wanted nothing more than to be with the blonde but with the way things had gone lately she knew she didn't really have a choice.

Santana had done her part; she had _tried_ to get Brittany back. She had apologised for what she had done and promised that nothing would ever happen like that again… clearly Brittany was just unwilling to try or she just didn't care anymore. Okay, so maybe Santana had been a little full on in the beginning, maybe the plan wasn't the best idea she'd ever had but at least she had tried. She had tried her damn hardest to get Brittany back and for the past week and a bit the blonde hadn't bothered to answer her calls, refused to meet her and refused to listen to anything Quinn had to say when she was trying to help. So if Brittany didn't want Santana back, what reason did Santana have to stay here?

Santana felt tears sting at her eyes at the thought of leaving Brittany alone after promising she wouldn't do it to her again. But it was killing Santana inside to see or hear people talk about Brittany and she knew she had to think about her own feelings as well.

"S…?" there was a quite knock on the bathroom door. "Are you okay? You've been in there for a while now…" Dylan's voice was soft and calming and the Latina couldn't stop the small smile from tugging at the corners of her lips. She was so lucky to have had someone like him in her life this past year; she didn't think she'd have been here now without him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just give me a sec and we can leave." She called back as she wiped away the remnants of her tears and brushed off the invisible crumbs on her clothes.

Brittany lay on her side in Santana's bed. Her makeup was ruined thanks to the endless stream of tears that had for some unknown reason decided that they wouldn't end until she was utterly exhausted and dehydrated. She was staring intently at the pink envelope in her hands and hadn't once taken her eyes off of it in the last hour or so.

She'd come home to find Santana's wardrobe empty and a few of her things taken off the shelves along with some jewellery. She didn't know why she'd collapsed to the floor when she realised it meant that the Latina would be going home but the pain she felt was excruciating and almost unbearable. It was finally beginning to sink in that Santana was back and it was all too soon that she was leaving again. She immediately regretted not answering Santana's calls but there was something screaming at her in the back of her mind that she was just going to get hurt again. Brittany didn't think she could go through another year like this one.

Somehow she found herself curled up on her bed clutching the pink envelope in her hands for dear life. As soon as she'd seen her name on the front in the familiar handwriting the night Quinn had left it on the coffee table, she had been too scared to open it. It felt like the only thing left connecting her to Santana.

_Don't be such a coward. Open it. _

_I don't know if I can…_

_Lift your hand and open it. _

_There's no need to be sarcastic. _

_What are you waiting for? You're being pathetic just open it. _

Brittany snapped her hand up form where it was resting by her side and angrily tore away the seal on the envelope. Her tears were falling heavily now and she knew that nothing would stop them. She yanked out what looked to be a card and through the paper to the ground. Her breath caught in her chest and her grip visibly tightened around the card – a birthday card. On the front of it there was a cute looking teddy bear holding some rainbow coloured balloons with a 'happy birthday' banner behind it. Brittany traced her fingers across the bear before slowly opening the card.

_Britt-Britt _

_Happy Birthday_

_I'm sorry it's late _

_Love, Santana _

_Xxx _

A heart wrenching sob broke its way through Brittany's mouth as she read and reread the words; her fingers followed the pen lines of her name down to Santana's and then back up again but something caught her eye. Where the 'i's' had been dotted on her name, the first one seemed to be more of a squiggly line than a dot.

_What is that?_

Brittany narrowed her eyes as best as she could through her tears, they completely closed when she realised what it was.

_She was going to draw a heart instead…_

_Did it get hot in here? I need some fresh air._

"Ugh. I need to get out of here." Santana pushed herself up off of the bed and began to walk towards the front door but she was stopped when a pale arm wrapped around her waist and stopped her. She let out a sigh and turned to face Quinn.

"Sit down, S." she ordered in that bitchy tone of hers. Santana knew better than to protest so she did as she was told and crossed her arms across her chest irritated by the two blonde's.

"You know, I'm really starting to regret letting you two meet." She huffed then turned to fully face Dylan. "I can't believe you didn't tell me. I can't believe _he _lied to me." she stood back up and waved her arms around as her anger began to boil back up. Dylan looked down guiltily at the folded paper in his hands before he lifted it up and offered it out to the Latina. She just shook her head and held up her hands. "I don't want it." she said for the fifth time since she discovered what Marco had slipped into Dylan's pocket the day they had left to come to New York.

"Sant-" the two blonde's started but she ignored them and walked over to the door.

"I'm going now." She muttered. Santana hoped that she would have time to clear her head, she'd just found out that her father had lied to her about getting rid of her bucket list and Dylan had kept it secret from her. She didn't know if she was hurt or just pissed at the two men for doing that to her. The Latina just needed to be alone to calm down.

"Wait, S!" Quinn called from behind her. Santana stopped in her tracks, closed her eyes and let out a long, heavy sigh of exasperation. When she knew they had both caught up to her she began to walk again. "Where are we going?"

"Central Park."

"Why?"

"I've never been there in the summer time." Santana explained simply with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. Quinn and Dylan seemed to think that was a good enough reason and escorted her down to the lobby and out of the building.

Santana still hated New York traffic.

They were walking and she still hated it. It was loud and annoying. The drivers were carless and ignorant. And it was raining. Again.

"You couldn't have brought an umbrella? I'm fucking soaked now and don't you dare start thinking dirty thoughts, Fabrey. I know what goes on in that sick mind of yours." the Latina grumbled as they made their way over to a huge tree that she hoped would shield them from most of the rain. She leaned against the trunk before sinking to the ground lazily and began to stare at nothing in particular.

"Because you rushed off without waiting for us." Quinn muttered. She was more than ecstatic that Santana was back and weirdly enough the fact that Santana's bitchy personality hadn't changed made her even happier. "And what do you mean 'sick mind'? I am not dirty minded, _Lopez_." She replied in the same bitchy tone as Santana had spoken to her in.

Santana couldn't stop the beaming smile from forming in her face. She really had missed bickering with Quinn, don't get her wrong, she bickered with Dylan all the time but it wasn't the same… he didn't understand her personality as good as Quinn did. "You are." She said surely before she turned away from the two blondes and wrapped her arms around her legs so that she was curled up into a ball.

Quinn rolled her eyes but smirked in Santana's direction - even though the Latina couldn't see her – and tilted her head to look at the man that was sitting next to with an amused smile on his face at what he had just witnessed. Santana had told him that she and Quinn had a strange relationship and now he knew what she meant. The blonde held out her hand to Dylan and nodded her head towards the list in his pocket. He awkwardly pulled it out thanks to the way he was sitting and handed it over. "Thank you." She said with a smile. At the sound of Quinn talk Santana turned to face her friends to see what was going on.

"What're you doing with that?" she asked curiously. She didn't know whether or not to be nervous about the fact that she'd never let Quinn look at the list before.

"We might as well do something while we're here." She shrugged and pulled a pen out of her bag. "Let's see… you've been to the beach right?" she asked.

Santana reluctantly nodded. She didn't want to be doing this anymore, she didn't need anything to take her mind off of the fact that she was dying. "Okay, so we can cross that off." She placed a cross next to that one. "How about the flying one?" Again, Santana nodded but a scoff came from behind them.

"I doubt you 'overcame' you fears. You were a wreck the whole way here." Dylan sniggered but abruptly stopped when Santana jabbed him hard in his stomach. "Ow."

"Okay, I'll cross that one off too."

**My bucket list:**

**- Climb a tree**

**- Learn how to skim a stone **

**- Spend Christmas with my best friends (x)**

**- Spend New Year's Even in New York (x)**

**- Have a snow ball fight in Central Park (x)**

**- Overcome my fears of flying on planes (x)**

**- Read a book **

**- Go to the beach (x)**

**- Bake a cake for Britt's birthday (x)**

**- Wish on a shooting star (x)**

**- Go skinny dipping**

**- Kiss in the rain**

**- Have a picnic under the stars (x)**

**- Fall in love (x)**

**- Get married**

Santana rolled her eyes and went to grab the paper from the blondes hands but she pulled back just in time. "Ah ah ahh." She wagged her index finger from side to side like the Latina was a three year old or something. "Come on, S. You might as well." Quinn shrugged and stood up.

"Where're we going?" Santana grunted as she used the woman's leg to help herself up.

"Well, I'm not kissing you in the rain." Santana felt her face burn and grow read. "We're not going skinny dipping. It's too cold for that." Quinn chuckled to herself but Santana began to mumble angry Spanish words under her breath as she contemplated punching Quinn in the face or throwing her in the lake… she decided Quinn would just find something worse to do back so she decided to try and hide the furious red blush that was covering her face. "I don't have a book with me but I can let you borrow one later…" Quinn said as she trailed her finger up the piece of paper before she stopped at one with a devious smile on her face that caused a sickly feeling to form in Santana's stomach.

"Quinn…?" She asked carefully. She didn't know whether to run and hide or to try and act like she was terrified by the unknown thoughts running through the blonde's mind.

Quinn turned to peer up at the huge tree they were standing beneath and slowly turned back to face Santana. "Climb the tree." She said eagerly.

The Latina's jaw dropped and her eyes bugged. "No. No way." she shook her head so hard that she could feel her brain bouncing of the sides of her skull.

Dylan snorted form her side and she turned to glare at him but he kept on smirking down at her. "Are you scared, S?"

She crossed her arms over her chest defensively. She knew what they were trying to do and she wasn't going to fall for it. "No."

"Then climb." Quinn chipped in as she pointed up to a low hanging branch that was low enough for Santana to reach if Dylan and Quinn helped her up.

"No. It all wet and slippery and its high." She shrugged and began to walk away.

"I'll tell B about your heart if you don't." Quinn called knowing full well that it would get to Santana.

"You wouldn't." the Latina slowly turned to scowl at the blonde who was standing with her arms crossed and a triumphant smile on her face.

"Oh I would. So if I were you, I'd get your sweet ass up that tree before I call her and tell her the good news."

Santana knew what Quinn looked like when she was bluffing. She would always get a twitch in the corner of her eye and right now, that twitch wasn't there. "Ugh, you're such a bitch, Fabrey."

"You love me really."

Santana shook her head and rolled up her seat. "Are you going to help me up?" Dylan and Quinn rushed to her sides and crouched down to hold her legs and hoisted her up to the branch. She wrapped her arms around the rough bark, the splintered wood scraped against her skin as she pull her leg up to wrap around it so her whole body was straddling the branch. "I did it!" she beamed down at the two blondes.

"You can come down now." Quinn chuckled. "That wasn't so hard was it?" Santana smiled and looked higher up into the tree.

"I'm okay here." All the nervousness from before had completely vanished and she was now feeling brave enough to go higher. "I'm going to go higher; can you see a branch I can grab onto?"

Dylan pointed out a couple in the Latina's reach but Quinn frowned. "Are you sure, S? It looks a lot higher from down here."

"Now who's scared." She chuckled down at the blonde before she reached up and began to climb further and further up into the tree until she was at least ten feet higher than she had originally been before.

"S, I think you should come down now…"

"It's stopped raining!" Santana called down with another huge smile on her face. "I can see our hotel, Dylan." She began to giggle but suddenly her foot slipped on a wet branch and her whole body jerked. Her arms flailed out wildly and she clutched at the nearest branch she could.

"_Santana_!" Quinn screamed. "Oh my god, are you okay?"

"I'm… I'm fine…" the Latina stuttered out breathlessly. Her heart was racing and she was pretty sure she had almost wet herself. "I… I think I'm going to come down now."

"Good idea." The two blondes called up at the same time.

Santana looked down to find a place to put her feet but when she finally realised how far up she was her whole froze. The ground seemed to blur and spin, bile began to climb up her throat and she had to gulp to keep it from spraying her friends beneath her. "I can't move…" she muttered to herself but it was loud enough for Quinn to hear.

"It's okay, Santana. Just take it one step at a time and don't look down." She shouted her own heart was racing in her chest.

"No… I can't move." Santana had wrapped her arms tightly around the branch she was sitting on and her eyes were clenched tightly shut, she wouldn't move anywhere even if she could.

"You need to climb up there and help her." Quinn ordered.

"_Me? _I can't go up there. I'm afraid of heights!"

"You didn't think to mention this before?" she asked ludicrously.

"I didn't think she'd do it!"

"Ugh, well I can't climb up there." She pulled out her phone. "I'm going to call the fire brigade." She explained. Dylan nodded and began to shout words of encouragement up at the Latina, but just as Quinn were about to press the call button she recognised someone jogging towards them and immediately relaxed. "Oh thank god." She sighed and ran to meet the dancer halfway.

"Quinn? What are you doing here?" Brittany asked as she pulled out her head phones. Beads of sweat dripped from her body and soaked the top of her t-shirt. "Why are you so pale? Have you been sick? Did someone die…?"

"B! Shut up and listen will you?" she yelled. "Santana is stuck at the top of that tree and she can't get down."

Brittany's own face immediately turned white. "Why is she up a tree? She hates heights. I had to help her down of the top of my dad's car once…" she trailed off when she realised how high Santana had actually gotten. "Wow…"

"We were trying to cross things off of her list." Dylan explained. Brittany nodded in understanding and handed him her iPod.

"So neither of you had the balls to help her down then?" the tone of her voice suggested that she was slightly annoyed but not by the fact that she had to help Santana but by the fact that these two people had let her get into danger like that. Quinn and Dylan shuck their heads in sync. "She could seriously get hurt you know that?" Brittany snapped. "Especially with her heart, what were you thinking?" at her own words, a rush of gory images rushed into Brittany's head and she quickly sprang into action.

She was tall enough to reach the branch herself so all she needed to do was take a run at the tree and jump. She swung her body round and hoisted herself up and began to climb towards a frozen Santana. Brittany felt her heart break at the sight of the woman and all she wanted to do was hold her and tell her that she was safe.

As she got closer she could hear the quite whimpers and sobs and realised that Santana was so scared that she had begun to cry. Brittany took a deep breath before climbing the final three feet to reach the Latina. "San?" she asked softly and reached out to place her hand on Santana's shoulder.

Santana let out a louder whimper. "I'm dead aren't I." she whispered into the branch she was clinging for her life to, her mind was flashing back to the time she had been rushed into hospital when they got back from Lima and how she thought she had been dead then… she still didn't have an answer for that, maybe she had died but she hoped to god that wasn't what it would be like when she really died… she would be so lonely if she were left with her own thoughts and no Brittany. "I mean I must be if you're here…" she didn't risk opening her eyes just in case she saw the ground and threw up everywhere. "I think I've been dead before. This doesn't feel like it did then-"

"San, you're not dead. You're safe; I'm going to help you down okay. Please just open your eyes and look at me." Brittany pleaded as she tried to pry the brunette's hands away from the branch but it only caused Santana's grip to tighten. Brittany sighed and leaned in closer so that she could whisper into Santana's ear. "Trust me."

Santana shivered at how close she knew Brittany was. Her heart had begun to race ten times as fast as it had been moment before and she was pretty sure she was starting to feel slightly turned on by the way Brittany's breath felt against her skin. _Really? In a time like this? _Santana shook her head and slowly let her eyes flicker open. At first she was met with the mossy, brown bark of the tree but then she turned her head – Her arms still locked around the branch – to face Brittany. Her breath caught in her throat as her eyes met the sparkling blue of Brittany's.

"I… I… can't move." She stuttered out.

"You have to try, please." Brittany begged.

"No, really… I can't move them." She looked down to her legs to see that they were shaking so badly that if she even tried to take a step she would slip and probably end up snapping her neck. Brittany looked down and then back up to Santana as she thought about what she would do next.

"Do you trust me?" she asked softly, almost inaudibly.

"With my life." Santana replied causing both girls' hearts to break and grown in size at the same time. Brittany nodded before she took a tiny step closer and wrapped her arm around Santana's waist and pulled their bodies flushed together. "What… what are you doing?" Her senses were overwhelmed by Brittany's perfume and the smell of her sweat, she almost began to cry at the familiarity of it but she hated that it had been so long since she'd smelled it.

"I want you to wrap your arms around my neck." Santana's legs almost gave way then and there but she did as she was told. "Is it okay if I lift you up?" Santana's eyes widened in panic as she glimpsed down at the ground, her eyes snapped shut and her whole body tensed up again.

"I can't, I'm going to fall." Her voice was shaking with the panic that was racing through her body.

"No you're not, San, look at me." Santana didn't move. "Santana, please." Brittany pleaded more firmly this time and the Latina finally opened her eyes to meet Brittany's. "Would I let you fall?" it was more of a rhetorical question than anything else but Santana found herself shaking her head. "Just hold on tight, I promise I've got you." Santana nodded and tightened her grip as Brittany carefully lifted her body and wrapped her legs around her waist. Electricity shot through her body and she let out a soft gasp. "I've got you." Brittany reassured her but that didn't stop a whimper from breaking through Santana's mouth and a stream of tears began to pour from her eyes, not because she was scared but because she was so close to Brittany, she was touching Brittany, she was smelling Brittany and it all felt so familiar and yet so foreign at the same time.

Brittany hated seeing Santana look so broken and helpless, it wasn't right; it didn't match the Latina's fiery personality.

"Don't let me fall." She sobbed as the blonde began to climb down the tree; Santana buried her face impossibly deeper into the crook of the blonde's neck. "Don't let me fall, Britt-Britt." She breathed in the woman's sent deeply until it was the only thing she knew.

"I'd never let you fall, you know that." Brittany whispered softly, her lips grazed against the skin of Santana's neck and the Latina unconsciously tightened her grip. "But I'm going to have to put you down, okay?"

"No, I'm going to fall." Santana began to sob harder and shook her head furiously. "I don't want to let you go…" Brittany bit her lips to hold back her own sob. _You let me go a long time ago. _She thought sadly to herself before she loosened her grip. But that only caused Santana to whimper in panic and frantically cling to her ex-girlfriend. Brittany looked over Santana's shoulder to the two blondes who were watching with pain filled eyes, she silently pleaded with them to help her or do something.

"S? You're on the ground now." Quinn's voice caused Santana to snap her head away from Brittany and she looked up in surprise. Quinn stumbled back slightly away from Santana who looked like she was ready to snap at anyone of the blondes that were watching her. The Latina blinked a few times and slowly turned back to face the woman who had just saved her. Her eyes immediately clouded over with tears and her breath began to come out ragged again. She wanted to stay in this position for as long as she could and never let go, so she tightened the grip her legs had around the blonde and balled her fists around the fabric of Brittany's top.

Brittany didn't move. She was too busy getting lost in the Latina's eyes and every other feature of Santana's face that she had only been able to see properly in dreams for the past year. She noted all the changes she could find, the amber swirls that were mixed in with the dark - almost black – brown of her eyes, how her skin looked slightly darker with the sun she had most likely been soaking up while she lived in California; her hair seemed to be a lighter shade too…

"You're okay, Santana." Dylan tried to calm the Latina. "You're out of the tree." He said softly.

At the man's words Santana seemed to click out of her internal freak out and managed to form words in her mouth. "Thank you." She whispered softly to the woman who was still holding her up off the ground. Her breath trickled over the blonde's face and caused Brittany's eyes to flicker shut at the memories that invaded her mind. She wanted to open her mouth to say that she would always be there to help Santana when she needed it, she wanted to tell her that she wouldn't let her leave her again but nothing seemed to be working in her head. Santana had turned her brain to much but surprisingly, Brittany liked it.

Santana never thought she would be so pissed off to hear someone clearing their throat. But when she heard it her whole body tensed up again the blonde's arms. She wanted to launch herself at Quinn for ruining this moment, he wanted to scream and say it wasn't fair but she also knew that she had probably lost track of time and had probably been staring at the woman for more than a couple of innocent seconds. Santana released her grip and dropped to the ground.

Brittany dropped her eyes to her feet as a deep red blush erupted across her face. She was supposed to be angry with the Latina for leaving her but what she had just don't kind of ruined the whole 'holding and grudge' thing. She took a couple of steps back so that everything about Santana wasn't invading her senses and willed her heart to calm down, she knew she needed to be as far away from the Latina as she possibly could get if she wanted that to happen. She cleared her throat, "I… I better get going…" she stuttered out as she began to retreat further and further away from Santana and the two blondes. "I have something to do…"

Hearing Brittany say that and implying that she wanted to get away felt like a punch in the face to Santana. She wanted to run after Brittany and tell her to stay; she wanted to stop the blonde from leaving. But there was that nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she got every time she thought about telling Brittany about her, about her heart and everything else messed up in her life. She just couldn't do it.

"What are you doing?" Dylan stage whispered. "Tell her! Go after her and tell her." eh ordered but she just shook her head dejectedly. Santana pulled her eyes away from the ground and watched the blonde's retreating form as she jogged down the pathway in the direction she had just come from. _Let her go. _

Just as Santana was about to start walking off in the other direction she was stopped for what was probably the third time that day by Quinn's hand around her waist. "You need to start talking."

Santana sup round with a cold glare. "I don't have to _do_ anything." She snapped. She felt a bubbled of scorching hot angry sizzle its way up her body. Quinn and Dylan had just made her climb a very high tree - they knew she was afraid of heights – which she got stuck at the top at and neither of them had bothered to rescue her. Excuse her if he wasn't feeling just a little pissed off with them. "Thanks for helping me down by the way." she stormed off down the path in an angry fit of rage. Dylan and Quinn were quick to follow her though even though they were feeling incredibly guilty about what had just happened. Before either of the blonde's had a chance to apologise she started talking. "You have no idea how hard it is for me to see her after so long. You have no idea how much I regret leaving her and hurting her!" she had stopped dead in her tracks now, her chest was heaving and her arms were waving around above her head.

"Santana-" Dylan started only to be cut off by Quinn.

"What about me?" she snapped. The blonde had gotten sick of the Latina moaning about Brittany when she wasn't even doing anything to help the situation. "Did you completely forget about me when you fucked of to California? You were like my sister Santana and you just left." Her voice broke on the last word and a tear escaped from her eye.

"Of course I didn't forget about you!" Santana screeched her anger now changed from being aimed at the two blondes to be aimed at Quinn for ever thinking such a ludicrous thought. "You think I could ever forget you? When you were the closest thing to a family I had during high school when my parents didn't give a shit about me? I love you just as much as I love Brittany. You're my best friend."

Dylan stared with wide eyes and his mouth gaping. He had never seen Santana scream at anyone else but him and it shocked him to see that it was Quinn. He wanted to stand in between the two women in case one of them pounced and tore at the others throat but something told him that this was natural for these two to lose it with each other.

Quinn wanted to scream about how it didn't look like she needed a best friend since Santana now had Dylan she wanted to scream about how the Latina wouldn't have even missed her while she was away because of the new best friends she had in her life. But instead of screaming, she didn't what neither Santana nor Dylan expected her to do. She walked over to the other woman, pulled her into her own body and began to cry. No, not cry it was more of a hysterical sob than anything else.

Santana's eyes widened in surprise as she wrapped her own arms around Quinn and cooed softly into her ear just like Brittany had a few minutes earlier. "You're always going to be my best friend, Quinn. I'm sorry that I left and I'm sorry that I haven't made up for that… I'm just scared." The blonde sighed sadly into the crook of Santana's neck and nodded that she understood. "I'm scared that I'm going to do something to mess everything up again and I'll end up hurting you all." She explained. Quinn pulled away and wiped away the tears from her cheeks. She knew there was something else she wasn't telling her and she knew it most likely had something to do with Brittany.

"Why won't you tell Brittany about your heart? You had the perfect chance to do it then but you didn't." Quinn enquired after a few seconds.

Dylan shook his head in disbelief. They had just been screaming at each other, now they were hugging like best friends again. To say he didn't understand women was probably an understatement and probably explained why he was gay. He shook his head once more and began walking down the path back in the direction of the hotel, the two women followed behind.

Santana didn't know how to answer, she could tell Quinn the reason she had been telling herself and Dylan for the past week and a half or she could tell the blonde the real reason, the one she was keeping to the back of her mind because she was too scared to admit it in case it was true. She decided to tell her the first reason. "I don't want to overwhelm her. She's had a lot to take in and-"

"Bullshit." Quinn interrupted.

"Excuse me?" Santana asked slightly flustered.

"We both know that's a lie. I've known you since we were six, I know when you're lying, Santana Lopez." She was using her queen bitch tone and for some reason it was getting to Santana.

"I'm not ly-"

"Yes you are, and you're only lying to yourself if you carry on." Quinn deadpanned. She crossed her arms over her chest to prove that she wasn't going to back down anytime soon which caused Santana to roll her eyes and sigh. "You coming back here will all have been for nothing if you don't tell her, S." and Santana knew she was right.

"_Ugh_! I'm not just scared about hurting you guys. I'm terrified about hurting myself or getting hurt. I can't handle my heart being broken again. I had Dylan to help me through it the first time but that might not be enough this time." She exclaimed.

Quinn's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why would you get hurt?" she asked cautiously.

"I don't want her to reject me when I tell her that I have a new heart." She muttered almost inaudibly. "I'm scared in case the only reason she has ever been with me is because she thought she had to look after me or she felt sorry that I was dying." At the Latina's words both blondes came to an abrupt halt but Santana carried on walking. She walked right into Dylan's back with a _humph. "_What happens when I tell her and she doesn't want to be with me anymore?"

Quinn stared at Santana like she was completely insane, she wanted to laugh at how stupid the Latina was being but she knew that Santana was being deadly serious and her own heart broke at the thought of Santana being so scared.

"That is the craziest thing I have ever heard." Dylan's voice broke through the intense silence. Santana snapped her head round like she was ready to attack the man but he quickly jumped to explain himself. "She is so clearly in love with you, Santana. Heart condition or not, I don't even know her and I can see perfectly well that she is madly in love with you." Santana wanted to believe that was true but that nagging feeling was still in the back of her mind.

"You're being completely ridiculous. When has Brittany ever given you reason to doubt her being with you? She was the one who wanted to be with you, remember? She fought for you even though she risked getting her heart broken. She didn't care because all that mattered to her was you." Quinn said as she grabbed Santana's arms so they were facing each other directly. The Latina looked up into sure and honest eyes and thought that maybe… just maybe she was being stupid; maybe she was being crazy and completely ridiculous. Perhaps going through so much in the past year had completely fucked with her brain and turned it to mush. And maybe they were right.

Dylan knew that Santana would probably need some time to actually think this over for a little while so he didn't say anything else about the subject. "Come on, let's head back, I'm starving." He pointed in front of him and waited for the two women to start following who were now mumbling that they wanted to go to a bakery… he rolled his eyes. _Fucking women. _

"I have blueberry muffins!" Dylan cheered as he walked into the hotel room where Santana and Quinn were lying sprawled out across the bed. He shook off his soaking wet hoodie and walked further into the room.

"Don't feel like muffins." The Latina grumbled. An adorable pout formed on Dylan's face.

"How about lemon cupcakes?" he asked as he rummaged through the plastic bags he was holding either side of his body.

"I don't like lemons…" Quinn grumbled as she buried herself deeper into the bed sheets.

The man sighed and rolled his eyes. "Ginger nuts?" he asked as a final resort.

"You do know that everything you just said sounded incredibly _gay_?" Santana deadpanned as Quinn chuckled into the pillow as she slapped the other woman playfully.

"I give up! I hate women. There is no pleasing them!" he dropped the bags and sighed out exasperatedly as he dropped himself to the bed. "You just made me go all the way to the bakery in the pouring rain!"

Santana and Quinn's laughter only grew louder as the man kept talking. After five straight minutes of ranting about how Dylan would never befriend another woman in his life he rolled off of the bed and walked over to the door.

"Where are you going?" Santana asked curiously.

"You're going to ask me to get you something else to eat so hurry up before I leave and only get myself something." He ordered.

"Raspberry ice cream." The two women said in unison, Dylan just rolled his eyes and left.

"I can't believe you're leaving in three days…" Quinn said after a few moments, she shuffled across the bed so that she was curled up against Santana's side. "It feels like you just got here." She pouted and wrapped her arm around the Latina's.

"I know! It's gone past so quickly. I don't want to go back." She sighed and turned to face Quinn with sad eyes.

"Then don't, I know I've said this already but why don't you just stay? You can move back in with us or if worse comes to worse I can help you get a new place and-" Quinn was silenced when Santana lifted her hand and covered the blonde's mouth.

"I can't, you know that. I'm sorry I have to leave you all again but I promise I will be back and we'll stay in touch."

Quinn turned onto her back and bit back the tears that were threatening to spill over. "I don't want to 'stay in touch', Santana. I want my best friend back like things used to be."

"I'm still going to be your best friend, Q. I always will be, okay? I just can't leave my father right now, he's not been coping very well since the funeral and I just want to be there for him for a little while longer." Santana explained. She laced her fingers with the blondes. "I'll come back as much as I can, I promise you."

Quinn nodded even though she knew that Santana was making a promise she couldn't keep.

"I'm not leaving you guys again."

The door to the hotel room opened before Quinn had a chance to answer and Dylan walked in holding another bag in his hands. "Quinn, I ran into Rachel on her way home, I don't think I've heard someone so small you so many big words in a single sentence before… I'm not quite sure what she was talking about but what I did catch was that they want us all to go to _Vibez_ tomorrow night." He explained. Santana smirked because she'd been thinking that about the diva ever since they first met.

"That's Rachel for you." Quinn chuckled and sat up on the bed. "Why does she want us _all_ to be there?" she asked. Santana and Dylan weren't exactly her favourite people right now and the fact that she had even spoken to Dylan was surprising.

"She said something about wanting us all on good terms before S and I go back." He explained with a shrug as he pulled a tub of raspberry ice cream out of the bag.

"I better get going." Quinn said as she jumped up off the bed and headed towards the door. "I'll have to help those two make tea unless they'll burn the kitchen down again…" she trailed off as she hugged Santana goodbye.

"Again?" Santana asked with a raised eyebrow, she hated to imagine Brittany in danger like that.

"Don't ask." Quinn chuckled. "I'll see you guys tomorrow night." Dylan and Santana nodded and said their own goodbyes before Quinn left.

Dylan began to grumble and stop around the room as soon as the door was closed. Santana watched on in amusement for a few moments before she asked him what was wrong. He spun round to face her so fast the she flinched and fell backwards off her bed. "Ow." She grumbled.

"Oh god, are you okay?" he asked in a gay fluster as he rushed over to her side to help her up.

"I'm good." She chuckled as she dusted off her clothes and sat back down on the bed. "What were you grumbling about just then?"

The blonde rolled his eyes and pulled out three tubs of raspberry ice cream. "She left without taking her tub." He pouted seriously as he began to eat his own. Santana took one glance at the man before bursting into a fit of giggled. "What?" he asked innocently.

"You're pathetic." She joked as she dodged some of his punches. "You punch like a girl." She teased and held her hands out in front of her like a boxer. "Bring it on, bitch."

Dylan picked up one of the pillows threw it hard at Santana and watched as it slammed into her face. "You catch like a girl."

"Shut up." She grumbled and sat back down on the bed to eat her ice cream. "I wasn't ready."

"That's what they all say."

The music in the bar was _loud_. Not just loud as in loud enough that you have to shout but loud as in eardrum exploding loud. Santana brought her hands up to cover her own ears as they wound their way further into _Vibez _to where she thought the three women they were supposed to be meat would be sat. As the Latina looked around she began to notice more and more changes. She hadn't noticed them the last time she was here because she had been so nervous about singing and seeing Brittany for the first time in a year but now she took in everything, the different coloured walls, the different furniture, lights, floor, bar area and even the drinks. Everything had changed, but before she had a chance to think any more about it, she was being pulled into a hug by Quinn.

"Ugh, I can't breathe, Fabrey." She chuckled into Quinn's shoulder but made no move to pull out of the blonde's embrace.

"We ordered drinks already." Quinn said as she pulled away and ushered Santana and Dylan towards the table in the far corner where Brittany and Rachel were already sitting. The Latina felt her breath catch in her through at the sight of the blonde sipping at her drink. Her mouth went dry and a deep flush climbed up her cheeks at the memories of the previous day's events came rushing into her head. She didn't have time to turn and run however, because Brittany's head shot up when Rachel muttered something into her ear and watched as everyone walked over to their table.

"Hi." Rachel offered as politely as she could, she pushed over two beers and Dylan took one but Santana just stared at the other cautiously, she wasn't aloud alcohol.

Quinn turned and glared at Rachel. "What's wrong with you? You said you would be nice." She snapped and pulled the bottle out of Santana's reach and replaced it with a diet coke.

"I forgot, sorry, Santana." Rachel ducked her head and actually looked guilty which made Santana think that she actually had forgotten or she was just embarrassed about being told off in front of everyone.

"It's okay." Santana muttered sheepishly as she began to take a sip of her drink. The group sank into an awkward silence. Dylan began to tap his two front teeth on the neck of his bottle, Quinn's eyes were wandering around the room, Brittany and Rachel were staring at their hands that were wrapped around their own drinks and Santana gulped down her drink. The Latina couldn't help but feel slightly guilty for ruining this for everyone, if she hadn't left last year they would all be laughing and having fun but because she fucked up they were left in a cringing awkward silence.

"So, Santana?" Rachel asked from across the table causing everyone's heads to shoot up. "What do you do now?" she asked curiously.

"What do I do?" Santana didn't know what Rachel was asking. The Latina did a lot of stuff, eat, sleep, breath… you know the usual so if the diva was expecting an answer she would have to be more specific.

"You know, what's your job?" she explained, a hint of a smile forming on her lips. Santana's eyes flickered over to Brittany who had yet to say anything to anyone; she was just sat there listening to what Rachel and Santana were sating.

"I'm a photographer with Dylan." A surprised expression formed on all three of the women sitting at the table.

"Really?" It was the first time Brittany spoke and for a second it rendered Santana speechless. Her mouth opened and closed until she found the right words she was looking for.

"Yes. His dad owns a studio so we all work together." Santana tried not to stare into the blondes eyes for too long but she found that every time she looked away her eyes would gravitate back towards the bright blue orbs

"That's really cool." Brittany practically whispered. She held Santana's gaze.

"Thanks, I really enjoy it." the smile that formed on Santana's face was contagious as an identical one formed on Brittany's face at the sight of seeing Santana so happy with what she was doing with her life.

"She's really good at it as well." Dylan jumped in. "I don't know how she does it but she manages to take some really good pictures." He nudged her with his shoulder; she ducked her head to hide the blush that was forming on her face.

"You should show us some of your work." Quinn asked cautiously, she didn't know whether or not Santana liked to share her photos. After all this was the first she had heard of Santana's job and she'd spent pretty much every day with the Latina.

A shy smile formed on Santana's lips. "I would love for you guys to see them." Her eyes were still glued to Brittany when she spoke. "But I didn't bring my camera so I can send you them when I get home."

A confused frown formed on Brittany's face at Santana's words. _Did she just say when she gets home? She's leaving again?_ The blonde looked around at everyone's faces and the only other person who was confused about what the Latina had just said was Rachel… that meant Quinn already knew. "You're leaving again?" Brittany didn't even try to keep the pain out of her voice.

Santana flinched as she realised she'd slipped up. Maybe she should have told Brittany sooner or at least let her down gently. Instead of saying anything else she just nodded sadly.

"When?" It wasn't like she expected things to go back to normal but she definitely hadn't expected to lose Santana again so soon. In fact, she hadn't expected to lose the Latina at all.

"Tomorrow's our last day here." Dylan said when Santana refused to answer, she kept her eyes glued to her hands and tried to hold back the tears.

Brittany flinched and began to shuffle awkwardly in her seat as she let the man's words sink in. She tried to ignore the feeling in her chest, she knew her heart was breaking all over again and she couldn't let Santana see that happen. "Excuse me for a moment." She pushed out her chair and hurried over to the bar ignoring Santana's apologies that were being called after her.

Santana groaned and was about to stand up when Rachel spoke, "Leave her. Just give her some time." She said softly. Santana was surprised to hear no traces of anger what so ever in the diva's voice.

"You're not angry with me?" she asked as she pushed her chair back under the table.

Rachel just shook her head. "No, it wasn't like I was expecting you to stay for good." Santana didn't know whether she felt offended by the brunette's explanation. "I mean, we're not the only people in your life anymore. You have family and friends back in California; we can't just expect you to up and leave to move back here." Santana sighed, she'd finally found someone who understood her situation and how complicated things were. "But I think you should have told Brittany that."

"I should have done a lot of things differently." She muttered. Rachel offered her a sad smile from across the table. She was finally beginning to forgive Santana for leaving, it wasn't right holding a grudge against the woman for trying to protect her loved ones, but she just could have done a better job at doing so.

"Jack Daniel's." Brittany mumbled to the guy behind the bar. She needed to numb the pain that was increasing in her chest. She felt something wet land on the top of her hand and looked down to realise it was a tear. "Fuck sake." She muttered through a half sob have sigh and she wiped at her face and most likely ruining her makeup. She reached out and downed the whiskey in two long gulps before ordering another. This was a mistake and she knew it, she'd done so well at keeping sober and she was about to go and ruin that by getting drunk because of something she had no power over. She wouldn't call herself and alcoholic exactly, it wasn't like she used to have it for breakfast and dinner, she'd have food with it too. And it wasn't like she was drunk ever second of every minute of every day… who was she kidding she had been a wreck for those first six months; she could barely remember any of it. She'd used alcohol as a way of numbing the pain Santana had caused and as soon as she was getting back on track the Latina came back and here Brittany was again.

"Is this seat taken?" a deep voice she'd only come to learn came from the space beside her. Brittany turned to meet those piercing green eyes.

"Go ahead." She mumbled into her glass as she emptied the liquid and ordered her third glass.

"I don't think we've been properly introduced, I'm Dylan." He extended his hand out to the blonde who stared at it for a moment before she finally took it.

"Nice to meet you." She mumbled and turned back to face her drink.

"It's nice to finally meet you; I've heard so many good things about you I just couldn't wait to finally see you." Dylan gushed but Brittany just rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"Whatever." She would never usually be this rude to someone as nice as Dylan but the mixture of alcohol and the emotions she was feeling were beginning to take their toll on her.

"Marco is very fond of you as well." He said when he realised that talking about Santana was a touchy subject right now.

This caught the blonde's attention. "Really?"

Dylan nodded with a smile, "He really likes you, told me lots of story's about you Santana and little Anton." He smirked.

Brittany's eyes lightened at the mention of Santana's baby cousin. She hadn't seen him in over two years. "He's adorable." She mused with a smirk.

"He is." The man agreed. "He and Santana get on really well."

"They always have, she's always been closer to Marco's family rather than her mother's." A scowl formed on the blonde's face as she remembered the way Santana's mother had treated her and the rest of her mother's family. "Marco's a good man."

Dylan realised that Brittany had no way of knowing that Santana's mother had died six months ago. No one had told her but he wouldn't be the one to do so, it was up to Santana to tell her. She had up until tomorrow to do so but it was her choice if she wanted to tell Brittany. Deciding that this was an awkward subject for him to talk about he decided to talk about something else. "So you live with Quinn and Rachel?" he asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, we've all been best friends since high school."

"I think I remember S telling me about that. It was just you Quinn and her at first right?" Brittany nodded.

"Yeah, then Rachel joined us in senior year when she started dating Quinn." Dylan didn't say anything, he just sat and listened while he sat and drank his own drink. He figured as long as the blonde kept talking the less she was going to drink. "How about you?" Dylan looked at her confused. "How did you meet Santana?" she elaborated.

The man smirked remembering the first time he'd ever spoken to the Latina. "She was sitting on the beach crying." He started. Brittany turned fully to face him with a worried look on her face. "I think it was maybe the first month she'd been living in California and she was a bit of a mess if I'm being honest." He chuckled into his drink.

Brittany just nodded in understanding. She didn't expect to hear that Santana was in the same sort of state she was in. She didn't think that maybe Santana was hurting just as much as she was…

"I saw her upset and wanted to know if she was okay." he paused as he smiled to himself. "I remember watching her look me up and down like she was making sure it was safe to talk to me. I guess I passed the test because we've been living together ever since." He smiled to the woman sitting next to him.

She felt a sudden flush of jealousy form in her gut as she thought of her ex-girlfriend and this man sharing the same living space. She knew she was being stupid because this man was clearly gay but she wanted to be the one that was living with Santana and making her feel better when she was so upset. "What time is your flight?" she didn't know why she asked, she just wanted a change of topic.

"Ten in the morning." He said. "She doesn't want to leave, you know?" Brittany's brow rose in question. "She loves living in California, I mean who wouldn't? It's amazing there but she loves you more."

"Why won't she stay then?" Brittany blushed at how desperate her voice sounded.

Dylan ducked his head in defeat. "She doesn't want to leave Marco." Brittany looked confused. "They've been through a lot his past year and he hasn't really been himself so I think she feels obligated to look after him." He explained but Brittany just looked even more clueless. "I better get back to them, you should too." He pointed to where the other three women were now sitting and surprisingly Rachel and Santana were laughing together.

"I'll be right over." She lied. She needed a few more minutes to herself to think about everything Dylan had just told her; was something else going on in Santana's life that she hadn't been told about? She understood if the Latina didn't want to tell her but she just hated the thought of the woman hurting and she couldn't do anything to help her.

"So, Santana. How are you getting your car back to California?" Rachel asked as she leaned into Quinn's side. The diva had been laughing and joking with Santana for most of the night and the Latina just hoped that maybe Rachel had forgiven her for leaving. She wouldn't have admitted this three years ago but she considered Rachel one of her best friends and she had missed the tiny brunette.

"I'm driving it back and Dylan's flying." She explained.

"No you're not. I'm driving; you're getting on the plane. You need to get over your fear of flying and this is the only way to do it." Dylan butted in before Rachel or Quinn could say anything. The two women who were sitting opposite got the impression that Santana and Dylan had been arguing about this for quite some time prior to tonight.

"I'm not getting on that plane." She argued adamantly.

"Yes you are, that's final." He knocked his fist against the table top and sunk back into his chair Santana knew there was no changing his mind once he'd made his decision.

"I hate you sometimes." She mumbled.

Quinn and Rachel sat giggling to themselves on the other side of the table. They never thought they'd see someone just as stubborn as Santana was. Just as Quinn was about to make a sarcastic comment she was stopped by the sound of static through the speakers followed by a woman's voice that everyone at the table recognised very well. "Most of you know me, but for those of you who don't, my name is Brittany…"

"Oh no…" Quinn trailed off and buried her face deep into her hands. "She's not… please tell me she's not." She moaned. Santana looked between the blonde and Rachel, silently asking them what the hell was going on.

When Quinn didn't say anything, Rachel took it upon herself to explain to the Latina. "Last night she was joking around and said that she was going to sing." A small smile began to tug at the corner of Santana's lips. She's always loved the sound of Brittany's voice when she sang, she remembered the way she would always get shivers racing down her spine or the way Brittany would physically take her breath away. "I didn't expect her to actually do it." Rachel finished with an amused chuckle.

"I haven't sung like this since high school, I'm sorry if I'm a little rusty." She ducked her head shyly and began to tap her foot in time with the music, across the room Rachel and Dylan jumped to their feet and began to cheer loudly. Santana just stared up in awe.

_All I want is nothing more_

_To hear you knocking at my door_

_'cause if I could see your face once more_

_I could die as a happy man I'm sure_

Brittany gripped the microphone tightly and gave it all she could. She knew that Santana was looking right at her; she could feel the woman's dark orbs boring into her face. The blonde hoped Santana would understand what she was trying to say, she hoped Santana understood how much she was hurting.

_When you said your last goodbye_

_I died a little bit inside_

_I lay in tears in bed all night_

_Alone without you by my side_

Santana closed her own eyes to hold back the pain. Brittany was singing this to her, the pain and emotion Brittany was putting into it almost knocked Santana out of her seat. It was definitely taking her breath away and it was definitely sending shivers down her spine.

_But if you loved me_

_Why did you leave me? _

Brittany was trying impossibly hard to keep her voice in check but she could feel the tears falling from her eyes and she knew her voice was about to break.

_'cause you brought out the best of me_

_A part of me I'd never seen_

_You took my soul wiped it clean_

_Our love was made for movie screens_

Santana's grip had tightened around her glass, she could feel Brittany's own pain radiating off of her from all the way over here. Brittany was barely holding it together up there but she was so incredibly proud of the blonde.

_But if you loved me_

_Why did you leave me?_

_Take my body_

_Take my body_

_All I want is_

_All I need is_

_To find somebody_

Brittany let her eyes slide open and immediately they were met by Santana's. That's all it took to make Brittany's knee's give way beneath her and she collapsed to the floor with a choked sob. Santana was up on her feet and racing towards the stage before Brittany had even hit the floor. The song was still playing but no one was singing.

"Britt-Britt." She called as she clambered onto the stage and crouched at the blonde's side. "Brittany." She whispered, she snaked her arms around her waist and lifted the woman to her feet. "I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I was a terrible girlfriend and left you alone." Santana was fully aware of all the eyes that were staring up at them but in that moment she didn't care because all she could see was Brittany. "And I'm sorry I came back and hurt you all over again."

Brittany's hands clung to the fabric of Santana's top as she buried her face into the woman's chest. She could feel the shudder that racked through the Latina's body as she cried, her face buried into blonde hair. Brittany pushed against Santana's chest; they both stumbled back through the door that led behind the stage area. "Please," she begged. "Please don't leave me again."

"Brittany…" her voice was weak and full of pain, just the sound of it caused dread to form in the pit of Brittany's stomach. She shook her head sadly and pulled away from Santana, she knew what was coming, she knew what Santana was about to say so instead of letting herself hear the hurtful words, she spoke.

"No…" she shook her head and plastered a fake smile to her face. "Forget I said that, I understand. You have a life now." Brittany took a few steps beck in the direction of the door.

"Britt. Don't go please. Don't walk away from me." Brittany spun and hurried out of the door, she wound her way through the bar with Santana close behind her. They ignored the questioning looks that their friends and other people in the bar sent them and flew out of the door and onto the bustling street. "Britt!"

The blonde spun round to face Santana. "Don't call me that." Every time the Latina would use her old nickname all she could feel was her heart breaking all over again. She hadn't let Quinn or Rachel called her that and even when Kristen had said it that one time she could have completely lost it.

"Why not?"

"Just don't." Santana could make out hints of anger in Brittany's voice.

"I still love you." Santana called out as Brittany began walking down the street. It was the only thing she could think of to say.

"Yeah, well that's nice. I wish I could say the same back." Okay, that hurt. Santana flinched at the blonde's words and Brittany immediately regretted saying it. She watched a crease forming in between Santana's eyebrows.

"I know you still love me too, you can't just stop as soon as you decide you don't want to, Brittany." Santana voice was shaking as the emotion intensified within her.

"A year! A fucking year, Santana. A lot can change in that amount of time." She snapped harshly. But it didn't go unnoticed by Santana that Brittany wasn't actually denying anything.

"But you still love me." Santana stated surely. She watched as Brittany's shoulders sank in defeat, she ducked her head and stared down at her feet.

"And how pathetic is that? I still love you after all this time, after you broke my heart and left me. That's how pathetic I am, Santana. So please just leave me alone." Brittany pleaded, she looked back up to meet Santana's gaze. Her cheeks were shining with the shed tears and the whites of her eyes had turned red. She started to retreat backwards down the side walk.

"I need to tell you something before I leave." Santana knew that she had to tell Brittany now, this would be the only chance she got before she left to go back home. She knew that Brittany was silently asking her to say what she had to say when she tilted her head to the side expectantly. "I… I…" she couldn't find the right words to tell her. All the fears she had told Quinn and Dylan came racing back. What if Brittany was only with her because she felt obligated to look after her…?

_No, she loved me, she still does. Brittany would never do that. _

"Brittany, we're heading home!" Quinn's voice snapped the pair out of their staring. Brittany looked over and smirked at the sight of Quinn holding up and drunken Rachel who was now belting out some show tune that was probably from _funny girl_ or something like that.

"I'm heading back to, S. Are you coming?" Dylan asked as he spun Santana's car keys around his finger.

Santana turned back to look at Brittany but it was too late she was already helping Rachel into a cab. "Yeah." She made her way slowly over to the man but kept her eyes glued to the two blonde's now climbing into the cab.

"I'll call you!" Quinn called out of the window, Santana managed a weak smile and waved goodbye. She turned to face Dylan just in time to catch the car keys.

"Did you tell her?"

"I was about to."

"Santana." He groaned as he buried his face into his hands. "She has a right to know."

"Do you not think I know that? I'll call her or something when we get home I promise, I promise I'll tell her."

Dylan just sighed know it was an empty promise but if Santana needed time what more could he say? He relaxed back into his seat and started thinking over everything he had to pack ready to leave, his mind wandered to everything Santana had to pack. It was a lot more than just personal belongings; it was feelings and memories too. He still didn't know how she did it, how she managed to keep herself tough as a rock on the outside when on the inside she was hurting.

"What did she say to you last night?" Quinn asked curiously as she handed Brittany a bowl of cereal.

"I asked her to stay but she didn't say anything and then we argued for a bit." Brittany shrugged like it was nothing important. But she hadn't stop thinking about what she'd said to Santana all night. She loved Santana and the Latina knew it. But she didn't know whether it was enough anymore…

"She didn't say anything else?" There was something in Quinn's voice that made Brittany think she was hoping to hear something.

"No." Brittany shook her head and tucked into her food but the frown that formed on Quinn's face didn't go unnoticed. "What's wrong, Q?"

The blonde shook her head and smiled up at Brittany. "Nothing, just a bad head." She lied. _Why didn't she tell Brittany? She'd leaving in the morning… _she shook her head in annoyance. "Are you going to see her before she leaves?"

"I have work." Brittany muttered. She didn't have work, she hadn't worked since that day Santana punched Kristen in the face, and she just couldn't see Santana today… She was leaving her again and it wasn't fair. "Speaking of witch," she looked up at the clock. "I better get going." She picked an apple out of the fruit bowl and headed for the door. "I'll be back around seven." She didn't know what she was going to do all day, maybe shop? She just couldn't be around the house with Quinn and Rachel going on at her.

"Would you fucking help me with this?" Santana snapped at Dylan across the top of the car. "Stop looking at your hair!" she shoved at the box of clothes that were refusing to get into the car.

"God, you need to calm down. We have all day to get packed." He sighed and rolled his eyes as he walked round the front of the car to help the woman.

"No we don't. I want my things back on time so you're leaving now since you're adamant on driving back." Dylan's eyes widened in surprise.

"Now? When did you decide this?"

Santana shrugged. "Just now." She slammed the door shut on the box and walked back into the hotel to get the rest of her bags. The good thing about Dylan driving home was that she would only need to take her carry on onto the plane because he was taking everything else.

"You're too random for your own good sometimes, you know that?" Dylan picked up their two suitcases and pulled them into the elevator.

"It's called being spontaneous." She said in a sing-song voice.

"Whatever you say." He chuckled as he threw the cases ungracefully into the back of the car.

"You be careful with my baby, I never let people drive him so if you hurt him I will tear your balls off."

Dylan raised an amused eyebrow at the Latina. "_'Him_?'" he chuckled as he nudged her side. "You're such a freak."

"Puh-lease…. You love me."

"That I do." He faked sadness as he climbed into the driver's seat. "Call me as soon as you get home so I know you're okay." his overprotective side shining through. "You'll be okay on the plane if you listen to some music or read. Didn't Quinn lend you that book?" He didn't ask anything about Brittany, he hadn't mentioned her since the previous night, he knew that Santana knew what she was doing and he understood that this was hard for her; he just hoped she got her shit together before she left.

Santana nodded, she couldn't speak, just by the thought of getting on a plane made her nauseous. Dylan had had to drug her with sleeping pills on the way here she didn't know how she was going to cope without him on the way back.

"You'll be okay, don't worry." He leaned out of the window and kissed her cheek. "I'll be hallway back when you call me so make sure the apartment is clean for me." he chuckled at Santana expression. "What am I think, Santana Lopez doesn't clean." She leaned back and hugged him. "I'll see you soon." Dylan pulled away from the sidewalk and Santana waved as he disappeared into the midst of the busy New York traffic.

"I'll see you soon." She mumbled to herself.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Quinn asked over her shoulder.

"Yes, she's not leaving us again."

Rachel rolled her eyes and carried on typing in her credit card details. "You've definitely had a change of tune." Quinn nudged the diva.

"Being mad with someone is too tiring and it was beginning to make me feel bad." Rachel muttered. "I miss being her friend and I don't want her to leave us again either."

"Three left! Get them, get them now!"

"Okay, okay, calm down." Rachel chuckled. "Ugh, my dads are going to kill me."

"We'll pay you back, wont we, B?" Quinn nudged Brittany's shoulder who was jumping up and down on the balls of her feet.

"Every single penny! Just get them now!" she pleaded with her hands clasped together in front of her.

"Flight 137 to LAX is now boarding." A woman's voice sounded through the crowded airport, Santana sat with her head buried in her hands. The first huge mistake she ever made was leaving Brittany, she was supposed to have learned from that… she knew this was shooting to the top of her 'list of mistakes' and she wasn't doing anything to stop it. She threw her half eaten sandwich into the trashcan next to her, she didn't feel very hungry right now. The mixture of nausea and the feeling of her heart breaking all over again were putting her off her food.

She sighed as she brushed down her clothes, her hands shook when she reached into her pocket to pull out her mirror so that she could check her makeup and hair. "Ugh, pull yourself together, Lopez." She shook out her shoulders and jumped on the balls of her feet earing a few awkward glances from people passing by. "You can do this." It was beginning to occur to her that maybe she wasn't nervous about getting on a plane but nervous about leaving Brittany again.

After seeing the blonde these past two weeks, it was clear that she had caused more damage than what she had done when she was in California. Maybe Brittany was better off without her. That's what she kept telling herself.

She wiped away her tears and began walking in the directing of the boarding gate. "Final call for flight 137 to LAX."

"Okay! I get it!" Santana snapped as she stormed towards the woman collecting people's boarding passes. She gave Santana a questioning look but didn't mention the red swollen eyes.

"Passport?" she asked.

"Oh yeah, right here." She handed the woman her passport and watched as she looked between her photo and the small book before she handed it back with a smile.

"Enjoy your flight." Santana rolled her eyes at how rehearsed the woman sounded.

"I doubt it." she muttered as she took a step forward through the doors, a step closer to California and a step further away from the love of her life.

This was it. She was leaving and there was something deep down inside of her that was saying that it was for good this time, despite everything she had told Quinn about coming back for visits and calling. It would probably just be better for everyone if she stayed out of their lives…

"SANTANA!"

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missyellowbrick, did you see it ;)


	33. Chapter 33

I am so deeply sorry that this is quite late but I promise I have a valid reason for that. First of all I've just started my new job so I didn't have a lot of time at the weeked to write and then I've been revising for my first couple of English Language GCSE's that I've done this week. But here's the update! I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, I wanted to get this up as soon as I finished.

I just want to say thank you for reviewing, following and favouriting this story, it really means a lot.

Like always, I love you all so much and please review!

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Chapter 33

"_SANTANA_!"

The Latina froze dead in her tracks, her breath hitched in her throat and her hands tightened around the strap of her bag. She clenched her eyes shut, she couldn't turn round… was she imagining what she just thought she heard? God, this whole thing was just getting to her head. She scoffed to herself and shook her body; her eyes were already drowning in tears. This was all down to someone up there telling her she shouldn't leave. She was pretty sure it was her mother.

"Get on the god damn plane, Santana." She uttered to herself between gritted teeth. She was about to take a step forward when she was stopped again by another voice.

"SANTANA DIABLA LOPEZ." The Latina's foot froze in mid-air as she spun on the foot still grounded. "You get on that plane without us; I'll kick your ass again."

Her whole body ran cold but flushed with heat at the same time. Her mouth fell open and her eyes widened in shock. "Oh my god." She couldn't believe what she was seeing; three frantic and slightly dishevelled looking women stood with their hands waving their boarding passes in the woman's face.

Santana couldn't suppress what could have been mistaken as a scream from escaping her mouth when the woman raced towards her with their bags rattling behind them. The Latina's knees buckled but just as she was about to hit the ground, a blonde threw her arms around her waist and pulled her into a bone crushing embrace.

"Oh my god." Santana slurred into Brittany's shoulder. Her crying escalated up until the point where she was sobbing wildly into the arms of three women. "What… what are you… doing here?"

Quinn chuckled into Santana's back. "We're not letting you leave us again." that earned another sob from Santana as she reached out behind her and squeezed Quinn's arm.

"I can't believe it." Santana shook her head disbelievingly, suddenly fully aware of whom she was still clinging to and who was now clinging to her with just as more tears falling from her eyes. "You're coming to California?" Santana asked again just to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

Brittany looked down with a beaming smile on her face that Santana couldn't help but reciprocate. "We're coming with you." The blonde nodded. The tears began to fall heavier; Santana shook her head and reached up with both hands.

"Don't cry, Britt-Britt." She used her thumbs to wipe away the tears on Brittany's cheeks and stared deeply into ocean blue orbs. All she wanted to do in that moment was kiss the woman senseless, kiss every inch of the woman's face and declare how much she was in love in that moment.

"I can't lose you age-" Brittany was cut off by the woman who was now slamming the heavy metal door shut behind them.

"I'm going to have to ask you ladies to board the plane now." She asked politely.

Santana's stomach dropped to the floor as she remembered where she was standing and what she had to get on. "Fuck." She muttered barely loud enough for the woman around her to hear. She knew her face must have turned green because the two blonde's by her sides laced their hands with hers, she looked back over her shoulder to see if there was any chance she could make a run for it but the door was locked and Rachel was already picking up her bag and smiling sweetly at the Latina. "I can get that." She reached out to take it from the diva but the tiny woman pulled back.

"Don't worry, I've got it." Santana nodded her head in thanks and let the two blonde's guide her down the hallway to the plane door.

Quinn leaned closer to Santana and whispered into the Latina's ear, "looks like I'm sitting with you." She held her pass out next to the crumpled one in Santana's hand to see that their seats were next to one another. Santana could just make out the excited wales of Brittany and Rachel, something about them sitting next to each other too but all Santana could really hear was the pounding of blood in her ears. She gritted her teeth together to hold back the feeling of nausea that was forming in the pit of her stomach once again.

"I can't do this." Santana began to panic as she buckled the seatbelt around her waist with trembling hands. "It's going to crash, my bone is going to be sticking out the top of my leg, and it's going to get amputated. There's going to be snakes on the plane, I'm going to get bitten and die. The pilots are going to have a heart attack… Birds are going to fly into the engines and we'll crash into the Mississippi and we'll have to swim to shore, oh god what if I forget how to swim." She snapped her head round to look at Quinn so fast that she was sure she gave herself whiplash. "I forgot how to swim!" she stretched her arms out in front of her and began to move them in circular motions and figures of eight. "What do I do with my arms? What do I do with my legs?" she kicked her legs at the chair in front of her in a failed attempt at the front call.

A fat grumpy looking bald man turned to face the two women with an irritated looking scow on his face. "Sorry." Quinn mumbled and turned to face Santana. "Would you calm down? We're not going to crash; nothing bad is going to happen. Okay?" Quinn placed her hand on Santana's thigh in hopes that it would calm the Latina.

"You don't know tha-"

"I do. Now, get your headphones in and close your eyes. I'll be right here." Santana nodded and reached into her bag to pull out her iPod.

The plane was pretty empty, for each row of seats there was at least one empty one. Quinn looked towards the back of the plane to see Rachel and Brittany throwing what looked to be skittles up in the air and catching them in their mouths. Quinn had never seen Brittany so excited since Santana left; she felt a heart-warming heat rush through her body. This was by far the best decision Brittany had ever made. Without her, they would all be sitting moping around in their depressing apartment without the fiery Latina.

"Does this mean you guys are getting back together?" Rachel asked the hyper blonde sitting next to her. Brittany had just thrown a sweet up into the air but Rachel question made her freeze. She hadn't actually thought that far ahead. She'd thought of being with Santana again she'd thought of the happy future they could have, babies, marriage, everything. But she hadn't thought about what coming to California meant for them… she'd only been thinking about actually getting to the airport on time to stop the Latina before it was too late. The Skittle landed on her face and rolled to the floor.

"Um… I don't know." She shrugged like it wasn't important but now her mind was racing. She was vaguely aware of the plane taking off and the sound of a woman a few rows in front of them screaming… in fact, that woman sounded a lot like Quinn…

Five minutes into the flight the seatbelt sign flashed above them and Rachel was up and out in less than a second. "Need to peeee….." she trailed off as she ran for the nearest toilet. Brittany smirked and sunk back into her seat with a small grin on her face.

"I think you've broken my hand." Quinn muttered as she stared intensely at the deep red nail marks that had marked her wrists. She shook it around like it was floppy and let it fall to her thigh.

"Stop being to dramatic. If you hadn't put your hand there, it wouldn't have been the first thing I grabbed hold of to save my life." Santana retorted in a shaky voice.

"Your life was hardly in need of saving." Quinn argued but Santana wasn't listening. She was digging around in her bag frantically looking for something.

"Oh no, no, no, no…" Santana began to panic even more than she had when they were taking off. "You have got to be kidding me."

"What? What's wrong, S?" Quinn asked frantically.

The Latina tipped her bag upside down and emptied its contents into her lap. "I forgot the book you leant me; it's in the car with Dylan. I need the book to read so I can stay calm." She slapped her hands on the sides of her head in a frantic frustration. "Do you think the pilot will land and I can call Dylan so he can meet us…" she trailed off as she stood up and tried to move past Quinn but the blonde stopped her and sat her back down.

"Stop." She held her hands in front of the Latina. "Take a deep breath." Santana did as she was told. "Do you really need a book to keep calm?" Quinn asked like Santana was maybe over doing it a bit but the brunette just nodded frantically. The blonde sighed. "Okay, I'll be right back, just stay here and don't go trying to talk to the pilot." She warned before walking off towards the back of the plane.

Brittany couldn't hold her laughter back when she saw the exasperated look on Quinn's face. "You okay, Q?" she asked teasingly.

"Don't even start." Quinn leaned over to rummage through Rachel's bag where she knew there was a _Harry Potter _book in there somewhere. "She really doesn't like flying, does she?" She said sarcastically.

"Nope, not one bit." Brittany shook her head with a grin as she remembered the last time she had been on a plane with the Latina. She had tried to open the emergency doors and escape but thankfully one of the flight attendants had stopped her just in time. "Was that you screaming before?" she asked knowing full well that it was. Quinn just shot the blonde a glare.

"She has a fierce death grip." Quinn deadpanned. Brittany's head tipped back as laughter filled the space around them. "I swear if she doesn't calm down, I'll end up strangling her." Her laughter turned into sorts as she pictured Quinn trying to murder a hysteric Santana. "It's not funny; if I knew she was this bad I would have swapped seats with you or Rach."

Brittany raised an eyebrow in thought. "I'll swap if you like?" she asked with a shrug. "I know you'd probably prefer to sit with Rachel…" she added just in case Quinn caught on that she just wanted to be with Santana.

"Thank would be great." She sighed in relief. "I mean, I love her and all but she's crazy when she's scared." Brittany nodded in agreement but all she could think about how adorable the Latina was. "Give her this would you?" Quinn handed Brittany the book and sat down into her seat.

"See you when we get off." Brittany winked and headed down the aisle towards Santana.

The Latina was curled up in her chair with her face buried deep into her lap as she mumbled quietly to herself. She'd closed the shutter on the window so that it was obstructing her view of where she was sure she was about to crash and die. She played with the wring on her finger but it still wouldn't take her mind of the fact that she was like a million miles up in the sky with no safety ropes.

"San?" a soft voice pulled the Latina from her internal panic attack. She looked up to meet innocent blue eyes. "Is it okay if I sit with you? Quinn's…" she pointed to the back of the plane where she was now curled into Rachel's side fast asleep.

"It's fine." Santana moved some of her things that had fallen onto the chair and pushed them back into her bag. "I think she was ready to kill me." she mumbled to herself.

Brittany smiled at the comment. "She's never been on a plane with you before," she chuckled. "She doesn't know this side of you."

Santana blushed shyly and ducked her head. "You remember the last time?" she suddenly felt oddly calm in the presence of the blonde. The nausea had died down and her body had stopped trembling.

"What? When you tried to jump off the plane? How could I forget?" Brittany nudged the Latina's shoulder playfully, she was glad that Santana seemed to have calmed down slightly and some of the colour had even come back to her face. "Quinn told me to give you this." She handed Santana the book and she took it gratefully but instead of going straight into reading she placed it on her lap and turned back to Brittany with a sad smile. "Listen, about the other night…" the blonde trailed off when Santana broke out into a grin.

"Don't worry about it, you know I love hearing you sing and you had every right to go off on one at me like that." Santana was still beaming up at the blonde; Brittany didn't say anything and just sank back into her seat with a smile that mirrored the Latina's.

"You should try and get some sleep or read; we still have five and a half hours left." Brittany slipped in her own headphones and closed her eyes. Santana resisted the urge to pout, she couldn't think of a better way to pass the time than to sit and talk to Brittany but she knew she shouldn't push the blonde when it came to interacting with her. So she slipped in her own headphones and picked up the book and began to read.

The god thing about the first _Harry Potter_ book is that it's so thin, so two hours into the journey the book was finished and lying closed in Santana's lap with the woman snoring softly as she slept.

Brittany couldn't take her eyes off of the Latina. She looked nothing less than beautiful, her bangs were draped over her face, and her lips were forming a small pout that would part a little with each exhale of breath. It would have been so easy for her just to lean across the armrest and place a soft kiss to the woman's lips, Santana wouldn't even know…

Brittany felt herself leaning across before she could even stop herself, she could feel her heart racing in her chest. She wanted Santana back, she wanted her back more than anything but for some reason she felt like the Latina was keeping something from her. She frowned at the thought, her mind wandered back to the night in _Vibez_ when she had that conversation with Dylan. He'd talked about something bad happening in Santana's and Marco's life. Was that was the Latina was keeping from her?

Brittany reached out and moved the bangs out of the woman's face and leaned forward that little bit further. She could feel Santana warm breath on her face that caused shivers to race down her spine and warmth to form in between her legs. That was something she had never felt in a long time.

Just when Brittany was about to graze Santana's lips with her own, the plane lurched and the blonde let out a yelp. She shot backwards into her seat; her whole body stiffened as her hands gripped the arm rests by her sides. "Britt?" Santana's voice was full of sleep but Brittany could still hear the panic in her tone. "What's happening?"

"Shush, don't worry. It's just turbulence, it'll be over in a second." The plane carried on shaking and the two women could feel their stomachs drop with the movement. Santana whimpered in her chair as the realisation of what was going on hit her.

"We're going to die." She grabbed at her seatbelt with shaky hands and tried her hardest to fasten it only to drop it in frustration. Her vision began to blur as tears formed in her eyes. She'd survived fucking heart failure. She didn't want to die in a plane crash.

Brittany felt her heart breaking at the sight of the terrified Latina. Santana was so good at putting on a hard face but when it came to being scared like this all of those walls went crumbling down. It also hadn't gone unnoticed by Brittany how emotional Santana had been; there would have been a time when Santana wouldn't have even let the emotion flicker in her eyes but in the past two weeks Brittany had seen Santana completely vulnerable. It was killing her to watch Santana panic like this but she didn't know whether or not she would be crossing some sort of line if she tried to help and calm the woman.

"Oh my god, oh my god." The plane was still shaking and somewhere in there was a flight attendant explaining that it wouldn't stop for another five or so minutes. That news made Santana freak out even more.

Brittany couldn't take it anymore. She flipped up the arm rest unbuckled her own seatbelt and wrapped her arms around Santana. The Latina froze at the action but found herself relaxing slightly into Brittany's embrace. She pulled Santana flush against her side and began to whisper into her ear. "You're okay; we're not going to crash. Just talk to me and it'll all be over before you know it." Santana nodded in response but made no effort to start speaking. She was pretty sure her voice had flown out of the window with the rest of her dignity. The Latina couldn't believe she was acting so pathetic in front of Brittany.

"How was your book?" Brittany asked after a couple of seconds.

Santana opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, she didn't know how talking would help her stop the internal screaming. Her eyes were tightly shut and her face was buried into what she was sure was Brittany's side boob. She didn't want to speak in case she threw up everywhere. "Was good." Was all she trusted herself to say.

Brittany chuckled and began to instinctively trail soft circles on the back of Santana's neck. "Is that all?" she nudged the woman slightly. "You usually would have a hell of a lot more to say about something than that…" she teased and regardless of the situation, Santana found herself smirking.

"I think… I would have enjoyed it more… _shit_-" the plane jerked and few people around them let out gasps. Brittany tightened her grip and planted a soft kiss on the top of Santana's head; she didn't care about the possibility of crossing any lines. The Latina breathed in deeply to try and calm herself before continuing. "I think I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn't already seen the films." She rushed out so that she couldn't be interrupted by any more turbulence.

Brittany nodded in understanding; she could feel the woman's shoulders relaxing in her arms. She didn't want to let go of Santana again but she knew in an hour or so she would have to and then they would be left to awkward silences and glances. "The films were pretty cool though."

"You fall asleep every time we watched them though." Santana couldn't hold back her laughter. She pulled away from Brittany so that she could look at her properly but they kept their arms securely attached to one another. "Do you even know what happens in any of them?" she asked sarcastically.

Brittany rolled her eyes playfully. "Dobby dies." She stated simply. Santana raised her eyebrow anticipating more. "That's all I know." Brittany blushed and grinned down at Santana.

The Latina snorted as she began to laugh again, Brittany's smile grew at the sound and her heart began to pound. She didn't realise how much she'd missed that sound. "So how do you know that the films were good?" Santana challenged smugly with a raised eyebrow.

"Because," Brittany leaned closer to whisper into the Latina's ear. "No matter how old we were or where we were when we were watching it, I would always fall asleep in your arms." She explained simply.

Santana shivered as the warmth of Brittany's breath caressed the shell of her ear. She resisted the urge to reach out and kiss her until her lips went numb; she had a feeling that wouldn't go down well with the blonde still holding her. The turbulence ended a minute ago but Santana wasn't in any rush to pull away from Brittany. The Latina didn't know how to reply to what Brittany had just said, she didn't know what was appropriate to say even though Brittany had probably just crossed the line she was trying hard to stay on the right side of. So instead she smile up at the blonde and hugged her tight. She refused to let go anytime soon. "You know I've had to fly on one of these things twice in the past year and I haven't once felt as calm as I do right now." She mumbled, her sleepiness had caught up on her and her eyes were drooping closed.

"I'll wake you when we land." Brittany whispered into Santana's hair. The Latina muttered something incoherent before falling back to sleep.

"There it is!" Rachel screamed at the top of her lungs when she spotted her bright pink suit case moving towards them on the conveyer belt. Santana flinched at the sound; her head was pounding thanks to the heat they were met with when they climbed off the plane.

"Someone shut her up." Santana moaned into her hands.

Quinn chuckled from the seat next to her. "Rachel, baby…? I think Santana has a bad head, keep it down." She said sweetly to her hyperactive girlfriend.

"I'm sorry, Santana. I'm just really excited to be here. "I've never been to California before and everything's just so bright and sunny and it just makes me feel really happy, you know?" the diva rambled.

"No shit." Santana muttered under her breath.

"You know if you're not feeling too good you should probably take that sweater off. It looks really stuffy." Rachel suggested as she attempted and failed at pulling her suit case off the conveyer belt. "Brittany, can you help?" she asked when it began pulling her along with it.

"Brittany to the rescue!" the blonde cheered giddily as she hauled it off and placed it on the floor next to the brunette. They were so busy being over excited that they didn't notice Santana's mini freak out.

She still hadn't told Rachel and Brittany about her heart transplant, she was terrified of the consequences and now that she'd left it so long to tell Brittany she was worried that she would be mad at her for keeping from her. California was hot in the summer time and the only people she'd been around while she was here was her family and Dylan and they all knew about the huge scar that made her chest look disgusting. She had been thankful while she had been in New York that it was cool enough to wear a jacket or a hoodie to cover up her scar but now she was back here with Brittany, she had no reason to wear one when it was so hot. She had no excuses…

"Quinn." She whispered to the blonde next to her. "I haven't told her yet." Her voice was shaking with panic.

The blonde next to her placed a hand on Santana's thigh and smiled the best she could. "Don't worry, everything's going to be fine we'll sort everything later. But right now I just need to sleep." She muttered and buried her face into her hands. Quinn's calmness seemed to be infectious because she found herself relaxing into her chair even though she'd zipped her hoodie right up to her neck. "Speaking of which, does Marco know we're with you?"

Santana smiled as lifted her phone like she needed to prove to Quinn. "Yes, as soon as we got off the plane I called him, I couldn't really hear what he was saying over the sound of Ant screaming and then I'm sure my father joined in…" she trailed off with an amused raised eye brow.

"He's excited?" Quinn giggled.

"He's missed you guys just as much as I have." Santana said truthfully as she stood up to join the two other women who were now holding hands and swinging in a circle. "What're you guys doing?" she couldn't keep the amused look off of her face, the sound of the blondes laughter filling her with warmth. _How did I last a whole year without hearing that? _

"Just… really… excited…" Rachel panted out while Brittany nodded furiously beside her.

"Well come on then." Santana chuckled and headed towards arrivals. Brittany skipped alongside her with Quinn and Rachel trailing behind them.

"S'tana!" A bright smile formed on Santana face before she even had a chance to spot the little boy who was racing towards her at full speed.

"Ant!" she screamed back just as loudly, she opened her arms wide just in time to catch Anton as he threw himself into her.

He squealed and giggled as she swung him round and tickled his sides. "S't- S… S'tana!" he wriggled his way up her body and wrapped his arms around her neck so that he could look into her eyes. "I missed you, you can't go away again." he pouted adorably at the woman.

"I missed you too." She kissed his cheek before turning around to where the other women were staring at them in awe. This was the first time they'd seen her act so adorable with Ant, Brittany could feel her heart beat race at the thought of Santana with her own child, _their_ child. "Look who came to see you!" she pointed to Brittany, the scream that left Anton's mouth was almost deafening as he jumped form Santana's arms and over to the blonde.

"Brittany!" the blonde crouched just in time to grab him in her own arms. "Where you been all this time? Santana didn't bring you here before." He pouted.

Brittany froze, what was she supposed to say to that? She didn't know what Santana had told him but she knew she wouldn't have told him why Santana had left. "Sorry, little man. I'm here now so that's all that matters." she reassured him but the pout didn't leave his face.

"Will you have to leave again?" She wanted to say no, after all who could resist that pout, she looked over the little boys shoulder to look at Santana for help but the woman was staring down at her shoe while she scuffed it against the floor. She wanted to stay here with Santana, she would go anywhere as the Latina was by her side but she couldn't just decide to move in with the woman when there was so much drama going on. They weren't even dating were they?

"Marco!" Quinn screamed from beside her, thankfully drawing the attention away from her and Anton. Brittany looked up to see Santana wrapped up in the man's arms and Rachel and Quinn racing towards him. The Latina began to chuckle against Marco's chest when she felt the other woman wrap their arms around him too.

"I've missed you girls." His voice was deep and the Latina could hear it echoing in his chest. "How have you all been? Anything new happened in your lives?" he pulled away from the group of women and picked up some of their bags. Quinn and Brittany rushed ahead to catch up with the man while Anton climbed up onto Santana's shoulders and Rachel walked beside her.

"I know." Rachel's voice caused Santana's head to snap round and star at her.

"What?"

"I know you had a heart transplant." She deadpanned, her eyes were glued to the two blonde's in front of them, her voice was low enough for only the Latina to hear her.

"I… I don't know what you're talking about…" Santana stuttered out, her heart was beginning to pound furiously in her chest. How did she know? Had she told Brittany?

"Yes you do." Rachel stated surely, Santana just ducked her head and nodded sadly she knew Rachel wasn't finished speaking so she stayed silent. "You still had Quinn as your emergency contact after you left. A hospital called her on Thanksgiving but she was in the shower so I answered the phone instead, they said they'd found you a heart. I told them to call Marco because that's where I thought you were staying at the time, guess I was right." She smiled to the Latina and reached out to squeeze her hands reassuringly.

"Why didn't you tell Quinn and Britt?" she asked curiously.

"It wasn't my place. But I think you should tell Brittany."

"I… can't. I'm scared."

"I know, Quinn told me but you know better than I do that Brittany would never do that to you. She actually does love you." They reached the car and threw their things in the trunk. "Shot gun!" Rachel screamed and ran to the passenger door to climb in. Santana knew she should probably feel hurt that Quinn and Rachel had been talking about this behind her back but she understood, they were engaged and they had every right to tell secrets to each other.

"S'tana? Can I sit in your lap?" Anton tugged at the brunette's hair from where he was still perched up on her shoulders.

"Of course you can, little man." Santana lifted him down and climbed into the car with the two blonde's sitting either side of her. She resisted the urge to reach out and take Brittany's hand in hers.

"So, Brittany. How did your performance go on Christmas?" Marco asked from the driver's seat as he pulled out of the car park and onto the pain road. Santana's whole body tensed. She hadn't told Brittany she was there but she was sure the blonde knew it. She was also sure that Brittany could feel her body tensing against hers.

"It was amazing; there were so many people there." Brittany smiled brightly.

Marco nodded his head in agreement. "Santana and Dylan said you were amazing. I wish I could have been there too but they refused to let me come." He pouted but Santana didn't notice a thing, her eyes were wide, her face was flushed and the palms of her hands were sweating furiously. She rubbed them against her things to dry them but Brittany's burning gaze in the side of her head wasn't helping at all.

"You were there?" She asked unbelievably, she had thought she was going crazy or something when she was up on that stage but now that she knew Santana had actually been there she didn't know how to feel? Angry? Sad? Pissed? Happy?

"I'm sorry… I thought you'd told her…" Marco stuttered as he looked at his daughter through the rear-view mirror. Santana shook her head to dismiss the man's apology.

"I knew it was you."

"You saw me?" Santana finally turned to meet the blonde's gaze. Brittany shook her head 'no'. The Latina cocked her head to the side in confusion.

"I just got a feeling." Brittany muttered in embarrassment. She'd hated trying to convince Quinn, Rachel and Kristen of this feeling she got, they never seemed to understand. But as she looked into Santana's eyes she knew the woman understood what she was talking about. "I tried to see you but the lights were really bright." She said shyly.

"You're not mad at me?" Santana asked dumbfound.

Brittany looked shocked by the Latina's question. "What? No, I'm just surprised…" Santana looked down and frowned at her hands, she didn't know whether or not Brittany was just saying that because there were other people in the car with them and she didn't want to cause a scene or if she actually meant in. She chose not to say anything and they all sat in silence for the rest of the journey.

Santana found herself getting happier the closer they got to her home. New York was nice, don't get her wrong but everything seemed to be so dark and dull compared to the brightness of California. She definitely loved it here. "So where are you girls sleeping?" Marco asked as he pulled up in front of Santana's apartment. They all turned to look at Santana for answers, she hadn't even thought this far ahead.

"Dylan won't mind going back to his dads for a couple of weeks I don't think so his bed is free…" she paused and turned to Quinn who was giving her a curious look. "Don't worry, he's very clean, cleaner than Rachel in fact…" the woman relaxed and smiles formed on their faces. "And the sofa is pretty big." She added when she realised Brittany would definitely not want to share a bed with her – not any more anyways… She didn't see the pout form on Brittany's face when she realised that Santana was offering her the couch.

"That sounds great! Oh god I can't wait to see your place. Is it big? Is it bright? Oh, what's your room like?" Quinn gushed excitedly as she clambered out of the car and dragged Santana with her. The Latina couldn't hold back her laughter when Rachel and Brittany joined in with the questions. Marco and Anton stayed behind to carry everyone's bags, the man didn't seem to mind though, he loved seeing his daughter this happy. The man couldn't believe what he was hearing when Santana had called to tell him who was with her. Sure he was excited to see them all but what made him even happier was the fact that Santana would hopefully be her old self again.

"Holy shit."

"Fuck me."

"Wow."

Santana tried not to look so happy by her best friend's reaction to her home. She wouldn't admit it but she had been worried they wouldn't like it here; she wanted them to like her new life. She didn't know why but she thought it was important that they knew she was happy here. "Do you like it?" she asked cautiously from where she was standing in front of the wall of glass that looked out onto the ocean.

"Like it? This place is amazing!" Quinn babbled as she raced around Santana's apartment with Rachel's hand securely clasped in her own.

"It's really bright; did Dylan decorate because you're usually into the dark stuff?" Rachel asked.

Santana snorted and crossed her arms defensively over her chest; she leaned back against the window and watched as the women wandered around her home in complete awe. "I'll try not to feel too insulted by that, Rachel." She placed her hand over her heart and feigned hurt. "And for your information, no he did not decorate this place… The furniture was already here when we moved in but the pictures on the walls and everything else you see was all me." She smiled proudly at the brunette who was now admiring a particular picture.

"You took these?" she waved her hand around the room.

"Every one." Santana couldn't hold back the smile. "I told Dylan we could put some of his up but he said mine have more of a warm feel to them." She shrugged and turned back to look out at the ocean and left her friends to admire her home. Her smile grew with every gasp and squeal she heard from Quinn and Rachel, she was glad they liked it here. Brittany however, had been silent since they had walked in through the door. Santana turned to see where the blonde was and almost jumped out of her skin when she bumped into the woman's chest. She squeaked in surprise and backed her body against the window.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." Brittany stuttered out as she took her own step back, she stared down at her feet as she scuffed her shoe against the hardwood floor.

Santana found herself smiling brightly at how adorable Brittany was. "It's okay." she reassured the woman before she turned back to look out at the ocean, her body immediately relaxed at the sight even though she was fully aware of Brittany standing only inches behind her. The blonde was close that she could feel her warm breath on the back of her neck, all she wanted to do was lean back into the woman's chest. "What do you think about this place then?" Santana asked so that the thoughts in her head would silence.

Brittany let her eyes wander around the apartment, they stopped now and again on pictures or some sort of decorative piece that was littering the room but she found her eyes glued back on the Latina who was staring calmly out of the window. The sun was just beginning to set, the oranges and purples lit up Santana's face perfectly, and it highlighted everything perfect about the Latina. Brittany could see nothing but love for this place in the deep chocolate swirls of Santana's eyes. She could tell the Latina loved it here. Brittany loved the way Santana's lips had curled up into a bright and warming smile, something she had missed so much. "Beautiful." She finally said after a few seconds passed. She knew Santana didn't know she was actually talking about her but she didn't mind, she loved watching Santana's smile brighten when she turned to face the blonde.

"Not as beautiful as you." Santana stated simply, she kept her eyes glued to Brittany's. "You're perfect." The blonde felt her face grow hot and her heart well at the Latina's words. All either woman wanted to do was reach out and kiss the other but Santana still had that nagging feeling in the back of her mind and Brittany knew Santana was still keeping something from her.

"Brittany!" Quinn screamed from the top of the stair that led to Santana's bedroom, her voice pulled the two women from their heated stare down. "You have to see this picture!"

Santana had missed the feeling of sand in between her toes. Granted she had only been away for two weeks but that can feel like a long time… She loved the feeling of the blazing hot sun on the back of her neck and the way it made her whole body relax as she jogged along the beach.

"It suits you." Rachel's voice pulled Santana from her thoughts.

"What does?" she asked as she slowed to a fast walk until she found the bench she had sat on the first time she had ever met Dylan and sat down.

"This place, California." She waved her hand round in front of them. "I can tell it makes you happy being here."

Santana nodded in agreement. "It does. I love working here, I love being with my father more especially after everything that's happened…" she trailed off when she realised Rachel didn't know about her mother yet, and she was sure Quinn hadn't mentioned anything to her because she would have said something when they were talking about her heart. "I just feel more at home here, if you know what I mean."

"I do, it is amazing here… I would actually go as far as to say I would even consider moving here after I finish at NYADA." Santana's eye's widened in surprise at the woman's confession. "I mean I know Brittany and Quinn don't want to lose you again and neither do I and I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard for us to find work here."

"You love New York though…" Santana would feel so guilty if Rachel left her favourite place in the world to move here.

"I do." She nodded in agreement. "But I love Quinn more and you and Brittany. You're all my favourite people, another family, my sisters…" she went off on a rant but Santana wasn't listening, her mind was swimming at the thought of everyone moving here with her, Brittany moving here. Would that mean they could be together again? She would have to tell the blonde about her heart and about her mother dying too… Santana didn't know if she would be able to talk about her to Brittany, it would hurt too much. All she wanted when she was at that funeral was to turn and see Brittany holding her hand with a reassuring smile. "No, I really do think I would love it here." Rachel said as Santana shook away her thoughts.

"I think I would end up feeling guilty if you guys moved out here because of me." She muttered.

Rachel just chuckled. "It would be our decision, it's not like Quinn or Brittany have anything to stay on that side of the country for and Quinn and me are getting ma-" the diva cut herself off before she could finish. Her eyes widened and the air seemed to be caught in her throat.

Santana couldn't hold back the laughter as she watched Rachel have an internal freak out in front of her. "Rach, Rachel." She giggled as she placed a hand on the woman's thigh. "It's okay, I already know."

Rachel relaxed ay the sight of Santana's kind smile. "You do?" the Latina nodded. "How?"

"I'm telepathic." She deadpanned. "Quinn told me and you have no idea how happy I am for you guys." She grabbed Rachel's hands and squeezed them softly.

A second passed before the diva began to squeal with excitement. Her face was bright and Santana swore she'd never seen the brunette this happy in her life. "You have no idea how bad I've wanted to talk to someone about this with someone who wasn't Quinn or Brittany."

The fact that Brittany knew surprised Santana only because Quinn had told her that they hadn't told the blonde yet. She supposed if Quinn could keep secrets then so could Rachel, that secret being that she'd told Brittany behind the blonde's back. Santana smiled because it was the only thing she could think to do and stood up off the bench. She pulled back on her running trainers and set of jogging again. "Last one back can build the fire."

Rachel shot up from where she was sitting cross legged on the bench. "Wait, what fire?" she called after the Latina who was now sprinting as fast as she could down the beach. "Santana!" she screamed.

Quinn slammed the refrigerator door shut and sighed exasperatedly. "That's it. I'm screwed, she has no food! Brittany, she's got no food!" She ran her fingers through her short hair as she banged on the bathroom door. "Did you hear me, B?"

"God, Quinn! It's not the end of the world. Just because you can't have your bacon in the morning doesn't mean you have to go and ruin my shower." Brittany barged past the shorter blonde with her hair wrapped up in a towel and her body clad in only her duck print underwear.

"Whoa. Jeez, B. put some clothes on." Quinn slapped her hands over her eyes.

"I was waiting for San to leave until I took a shower…" Brittany blushed as she walked over to the sofa where her case was opened on one end of it.

"What's going on with you two? Are you together or…?" Quinn trailed off; she wasn't sure what to say. She had certainly noticed the way Santana and Brittany would look at each other or the way the room turned hot when they were together… just the little things.

Brittany paused to think about that question for a second. She knew they weren't together yet, she knew that not until she found out what Santana was keeping from her would they ever be able to go back to what they were. But she had no idea what so ever what was going on with them… they couldn't just be friends again, not after everything that had happened. "I don't know." She sighed, her clothes completely forgotten as she collapsed back into the soft sofa. "I mean I don't know what's going on between us."

Quinn leaned back on the sofa to mirror Brittany's position, she kept her eyes glued to the huge plasma screen TV - that made theirs back in New York look like a match box – because Brittany was still half naked and she wouldn't feel right looking at one of her best friends like that. "Have you even had a chance to talk about it with her?" Brittany just shook her head in response. "Then do you not think that would be a good place to start?"

Brittany couldn't help but roll her eyes. "I'm not stupid, Quinn. I know that. Of course I want to talk to her about it; I want everything to go back to how things were. I still love her and I know I always will but I don't want anything to happen when she's keeping something from me." She crossed her arms over her chest defensively ready for whatever Quinn was about to say next.

"How do you know she's keeping something from you?" Quinn asked but the way she said it made Brittany think she already knew what Santana was hiding. She felt a sting of pain in her chest, not only had Quinn known that Santana had come back to New York a day before Brittany found out but now she knew what Santana was keeping from her and hadn't told her yet.

"You know…" Brittany turned to face the blonde fully. Quinn didn't know whether to cower into a corner and hide or laugh at the ridiculous expression Brittany had on her face – she never could look angry.

"I… um yes, but I can't tell you." Quinn stuttered out as she decided to take to first option and shuffled backwards on the sofa and away from the half-naked but very angry blonde.

"Why not?" She demanded.

"I just think- I think that maybe Santana should be the one to tell you this." She looked at Brittany with pleading eye's silently begging her to drop the subject.

Brittany sighed, her shoulders relaxed and she slumped back into the sofa. "Okay." she reached into her suitcase and pulled out a tank top before she slipped it on followed by some shorts – the up side to not being in New York. "I'm going to make some lunch for when those two get back from their jog, do you want anything?"

"I'm good. I had a big breakfast." Quinn lied; she just wanted to get out the house so she could do some much needed shopping. She pulled her phone out of her purse to check for any messages before she stood up and walked over to the door. "I'll be back before three." She called out to the blonde. She knew she shouldn't be leaving Brittany alone in the kitchen but she trusted her not to blow anything up this time.

Just as Quinn was about to close the door Brittany called out to her. "I know about you and Rachel, you didn't have to keep it from me because I was such a wreck. I'm so happy for you guys!" Quinn could hear the smile in Brittany's voice and she found her own smile forming on her lips. She didn't need to say anything back. She left the apartment feeling happier than she'd been in a long time.

Everything was almost perfect.

"Can I have some help with this?" Rachel called to Quinn and Santana who were lying flat out on the beach, the blonde was wearing a plain red bikini that made her whole body glow. The Latina however, was wearing a stripy white and blue top where the collar went right up to her neck but she was still wearing her bikini beneath it so it still kind of counted right?

"No, I was the first one back so you have to set this up." Santana snickered as she leaned up on her elbows and gestured to the huge fire pit that sat a couple of yards away from Marco's home.

"But… but… you're…" Rachel groaned and stomped her foot, her hands found their way to her hips and she pouted at Santana.

"Suck it up, Berry." Santana shrugged and looked down at her hands like she didn't care. She didn't mean to sound so bitchy but it was so hot out but she couldn't take off this fucking top, she couldn't risk Brittany seeing her scars because the blonde wasn't stupid, she would know what had happened to Santana. At the thought of Brittany, Santana found herself peeking over the top of her glasses and over at the woman who was playing in the water with Anton. Her mouth grew dry at the sight; Brittany was wearing a light yellow bikini that lit up her eyes brighter than to blue of the sky. Her hair was reflecting the light and instead of blonde it looked almost white. Santana had to gulp back a whimper she was sure was ready to roll of the tip of her tongue.

The scene reminded her of the first time she had left the house after she had run away. She had sat on a bench and watched as a mother played in the freezing water with her son. The little boy had squealed in delight just as Anton was doing now. Santana could feel her lips tugging up into a smile; she remembered when all she could think about was having something like that with Brittany, having their own baby. She wanted a family and she didn't want to let anything get in her way.

"S?" Quinn's voice pulled Santana out of her thoughts. "Rachel's finished so do you want to come and get some dinner with us?"

Santana stared blankly at the blonde for a moment; her brain was still fuzzy with her thoughts from a moment ago. "I…" she turned and looked at Brittany for a second before she turned back to the shorter blonde. "I'm going over there…" she pointed at Brittany as she jumped to her feet and raced of down the beach towards the two people giggling together in the water.

"S'tana!" Anton's voice sounded from behind Brittany. Her back was facing the Latina who was jogging towards them; the blonde held her breath and paused for a split second to feel her heart pound in her chest.

"Hey little man. Just came to see what you guys were up to." Santana smiled brightly at Brittany, the taller woman was wearing an even brighter smile when she met Santana's eyes but it dropped slightly when she realised what she was doing. Santana tried not to frown at that. "If that's okay, I mean I can go back over there." She pointed blindly behind her in the direction she knew the others were sat.

Brittany was shaking her head before Santana could even finish. "No." her voice was slightly raised. "I mean, don't. We don't mind you playing with us do we?" she looked down at Anton who was splashing in the water and not really paying the two women any attention. "I don't mind." She corrected herself with a bashful smile.

Santana's smile grew even bigger and she was sure a deep red blush had crawled up her neck. "Look!" Anton screamed from beside them as he held up a bright pink shell towards Santana. "You should have this one too, it can go with your star fish." He pointed to the necklace hanging around the Latina's neck. Santana crouched down and took the shell from him before looking up to Brittany with a soft smile.

"I have an idea," Santana started as she lifted Anton up and walked to the water's edge before she sat down with him in her lap, Brittany was quick to follow but kept a respectable distance between her and Santana – much to the Latina's disappointment. "How about, we let Brittany have this one. That way all three of us will have one." She looked up at the blonde, she knew Brittany wouldn't be able to see her looking because she was still wearing her glasses but Santana's heart welled when she saw the smile form on Brittany's face.

"Yes! And that way we can all be together forever." Anton clapped his hands together in excitement.

"Together forever…" Santana looked over the top of her glasses this time so that the blonde could see clearly that she was looking at her. Brittany blushed furiously but smiled shyly at the Latina before taking the shell from Anton's tiny hand.

"Thank you." She kissed his cheek before he shrieked something about wanting to see what they would be cooking over the fire and ran off towards Marco's house with bright red cheeks.

"He's such a ladies man." Santana chuckled as she leaned back on her hands and tried to focus on a boat way out in the distance rather than how close Brittany had seemed to have moved towards her. The Latina felt the sand shift by her hand, her eyes flickered back to see that Brittany was now mirroring her position. It would have been simple for Santana to move her hand a millimetre in Brittany's direction and they would be touching, a lot of things seemed simple right now but she knew they weren't.

Nothing was ever that simple.

"You look hot." Brittany's voice startled Santana out of her thoughts. Her eyes widened in surprise and her mouth dropped open so wide she was sure it was just chilling in her lap. "I err… I mean because it's hot and you have a tee shirt on." Brittany stuttered when she saw the shock on Santana's face. "Not that you're not hot or anything, because you are… like really hot…" She trailed off as a deep blush burned up her neck and swamped her face.

Santana breathed out an awkward chuckle as she tried to hide her own blush but it wasn't caused by Brittany's comment – okay that was a lie, part of it was – but by the fact she had pointed out the fact that she was wearing a tee shirt. Santana thought that maybe because Quinn, Brittany and everyone else had questioned it then maybe Brittany wouldn't, apparently she was wrong.

"You might get sun stroke if you keep it on, or really bad tan lines." Brittany said when Santana was quiet for longer than she'd meant to be.

"I have sun burn on my back, I don't want it to blister." She immediately regretted it because she never was a good liar and Brittany had always been able to see right through her. A frown formed on the blondes face and Santana gulped audibly as the air around them got impossibly hotter.

"You never burn." Brittany deadpanned as she narrowed her eyes at the Latina. "And your eye is doing that thing where it flickers because you're lying to me." Santana's heart ached at the hurt she could hear in Brittany's voice. She didn't like lying to the blonde; in fact she hated it more than anything. But she didn't know whether she had the guts to tell the woman about her heart.

Santana blushed and looked away from Brittany and back out at the boat on the ocean that now seemed a lot closer than it was before. "Can we talk about something else?" she asked, desperately trying to get off the subject.

"No." Santana felt Brittany shuffle closer to her, so close that the sides of their thighs were now pressed flushed together. "I know you've been keeping something from me too, something that Quinn and probably everything else seems to know. I'm not stupid, Santana."

Santana's head whipped round to stare in unbelievable shock at Brittany. "I know you're not stupid. You're everything but stupid and I would never call you stupid. You know that." She stuttered out honestly.

"Then what are you keeping from me? Did you honestly think I wouldn't catch on?" Santana wanted to cry because she didn't realise she was actually hurting Brittany by keeping this from her but she was too panicked to let any other emotion come close to effecting her. She knew she was going to have to tell Brittany but she wanted to do that in her own time, right now she was being forced into telling her.

"Britt-"

"No. Don't 'Britt' me. You left me for a year and now you're that you're back you're lying to me."

"I'm not lying to you." Santana argued. She wasn't lying to Brittany; she just wasn't telling her something that was very important and that could affect what happened with them.

"You're not telling me the truth either." A small pout formed on Brittany's lips and all Santana wanted to do was kiss it away. "Why are you wearing a tee shirt in this weather?" she asked as she turned to face Santana.

Santana opened and closed her mouth at least four times before she gave up on trying to come up with a good enough explanation that wasn't 'I don't want you to see my scars because that means I have to tell you about my heart transplant' and just looked down dejectedly at her feet that were being engulfed by the cool, salty waves. She didn't want the thoughts that had been poisoning her mind for the past two weeks to be true. She didn't want to be rejected by Brittany when she was so in love with the blonde.

Brittany moved to get up with an irritated sigh, she was mumbling under breath angrily but before she could fully get to her feet Santana snapped her hand up to wrap it securely around the blonde's wrist. "Wait." She managed to blurt out.

Brittany looked down to meet Santana's eyes but she was only met by her own reflection in the woman's Aviators. Another sigh parted through her lips when the Latina didn't make another move to say anything. "I'm not going to wait forever, San."

Santana looked down to where her hand was holding onto Brittany's wrist. The blonde's words were echoing in her head, the double meaning behind them. Brittany wasn't going to wait forever for Santana to tell her about her heart but she also wasn't going to wait forever for her. And the only way they were ever going to be able to be together again was when Santana started telling Brittany the truth. Before Santana had a chance to say anything, Brittany had begun to storm up the beach towards Marco's home.

Santana launched to her feet and hurtled up the sand as quick as she could. "Brittany!" she called out, her hands curled at the hem of her top. _This is it. You can do it. _"Brittany, stop please." She pulled it up over her head; her glasses flew off along with it as it fell to the warm sand. When she looked back up, Brittany was staring at her curiously. Santana watched as a confused frown formed on her face and she walked the three steps towards Santana that he been separating them. "This is the truth. This is what I haven't been telling you." She hadn't realised she'd self-consciously crossed her arms over her chest until now so she dropped them to her sides so that Brittany had a good view of her chest and the ugly scar that ruined her body.

Brittany felt her whole body change.

She relaxed but tensed.

She calmed but grew angry.

And she wanted to reach out and hug Santana but slap her at the same time. Her eyes were glued to the light pink scar that travelled down the valley in between Santana's breasts, at first she was confused she didn't know what was going on until something in her head clicked. There was no bulge on the upper part of Santana's chest where her ICD used to hide, it was flat which meant she'd had it taken out which also meant that either Santana was dead or…

"You got a new heart." Brittany could barely believe her own words. They sounded so sweet rolling off of her tongue and she almost felt giddy when she heard them.

"I got a new heart." Santana repeated with a sad smile because with every time she thought of the good came thoughts of the bad. The bad being her mother. Her mother was dead. Santana's was snapped out of her thoughts when Brittany's hand extended out in front of her and reached out to Santana's chest but she paused when she realised what she was doing.

"Can… can I?" she nodded to the scar. Santana had never let anyone touch her scar, only her doctor. She wanted to cringe at the thought but instead she found herself nod at the blonde.

She held her breath and watched as Brittany trailed her index gently down the scar. Santana was sure the blonde could feel her heart racing beneath her finger and she was worried that it was about to break through her ribs and fly into Brittany. She was fully aware that Brittany was touching her scar, she was also fully aware that Brittany was touching her in between her breasts, the woman could easily enough move an inch to either side and touch what she hadn't touched in over a year.

Brittany's mind was reeling; no matter how hard she tried she couldn't find a reason good enough for Santana not to tell her about this. The whole reason Santana hadn't wanted to be with her in the first place was because she was dying and needed a new heart, but now that Santana finally had one she didn't tell her, which in Brittany's mind meant that Santana didn't want to be with her anymore…

"Why… why didn't you tell me?" Brittany asked after a couple of minutes of them just standing in absolute silence. She was dreading what Santana's answer would be.

The Latina's mouth gaped as she scrambled for words. She didn't want to say something that might upset Brittany. "I was scared."

Brittany's face contorted in confusion. "Scared of what?" there was so many things racing through her mind that she didn't know if her words had come out right.

Santana looked down at Brittany's hand on her chest guiltily and gulped back a sob. She'd cried too much this past couple of weeks, she didn't want to seem completely broken in front of the blonde because she wasn't, well not as much as she'd been this year. Coming back to see Brittany had definitely fixed something inside of her. "Britt…" Her voice was pleading, she didn't want to tell her how stupid her thoughts had been because as she looked up into crystal blue eyes, she could see that the blonde would never do anything to hurt her.

"Please." Brittany's voice was just as pleading as Santana's had been and it caused the words the Latina had been trying to keep down to pour off of her tongue.

"I thought that maybe- maybe once I got a new heart you wouldn't want to be with me." Santana clenched her eyes shut as she heard the words fill the thick air between them.

Brittany's eyes widened and her hand dropped from the brunette's chest. An empty feeling formed inside of Santana. "I love you more than anything in existence. I love you more than I ever loved lord Tubbington, more than my stupid parents and more than life itself." Santana's breath was caught somewhere inside of her chest. "So, give me one reason why I wouldn't want to be with you." Brittany's voice was firm and challenging and Santana knew that anything she would say now would be pointless… All she wanted was Brittany and the blonde had just as good as admitted that she wanted to be her too. "Why did you think I wouldn't want to be with you, Santana?"

"I thought that maybe… you were only with me because you felt sorry for me or that you felt obligated to." Santana kept her eyes closed so she wouldn't have to see that angry or pained expression on Brittany's face. "I thought that if I told you that I got a new heart, you wouldn't have a reason to be with me anymore…" she trailed off feeling the air around her go cold and the sand shifted beneath her feet. She cautiously let her eyes flicker open to be met by a view of the ocean. The boat that had been gradually getting closer was now only a hundred feet from the shore line, but there was no Brittany, no perfect blue eyed blonde.

Santana was alone on the beach.

The painful feelings and memories of that first day she had met Dylan out on this exact beach - tears streaming down her face and her whole body shuddering with heartbreak - came swarming back and she felt tears sting at her eyes. She had just possibly ruined any chance she had of getting back together with Brittany. She'd never been so scared of being without the blonde in her entire life, because now she knew what it was like to wake up without Brittany by her side and she would die if she had to wake up like that one more time.


	34. Chapter 34

ugh, guys I am so sorry I haven't updated sooner! I've just been swamped with exams and revision that I really haven't had the time to do anything at all. I had a bit of a block in the middle of this chapter and I'm not sure I like the way it's turned out but I just couldn't put off updating, so here it is! Two more chapters left!

I love you all and please review!

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Chapter 34

"Why the hell did you do that?"

"I was telling her the truth! She wanted to know why I hadn't told her sooner."

"But why did you have to say it like _that_? It sounds so bitchy and mean."

She ignored the very feminine way his voice turned high and rolled her eyes. "Ugh. If I'd wanted to have this kind of conversation, I would have gone to Quinn. I need you to help me, Dylan." Santana shoved the man's suit case into one of the many spare rooms that occupied Marco's home. The house was empty by now, the sun was just beginning to set and everyone was sitting out on the beach surrounding the bon fire Marco and Orlando decided to have.

"Okay, I'm sorry but I really don't know what to say. You really have screwed up this time, S." Dylan shrugged and dropped backwards down onto the bed, Santana climbed up beside him.

"Have I lost her for good this time?" Santana asked meekly, her eyes filled with tears as she stared down at her hands in her lap.

"I don't know, S." Dylan shrugged with a sigh. "I mean, I don't know… What did she say before she ran off?"

Santana paused for a moment while she thought back to that afternoon. "Nothing, she didn't say anything."

"Then no, I don't think that you've lost her for good. Obviously she was angry but she didn't want to say something that could ruin anything that could happen between you two so she ran away." He explained while Santana just stared at him. "You just need to apologise to her tonight."

Santana nodded in understanding, hopefully he was right and she hadn't just gone and fucked everything up just when things were starting to get better. Just thinking about losing Brittany at this point caused the tears to spill over her eyes and run down her cheeks. She sniffed quietly, lay down next to Dylan and cuddled into his side. "Thank you for being such an amazing best friend." she kissed his cheek and made no move to get up off the bed. Dylan wrapped his arms around the Latina and kissed her forehead. "You don't mind staying here for a little while do you? I know the girls will be okay staying here instead if you don't want to." Santana said after a couple of minutes passed.

"Of course I don't, Marco's awesome and at least if I stay here I will get a decent breakfast." Dylan chuckled as Santana slapped his chest playfully.

"Hey! I cook good breakfasts." she pouted up at the still laughing man.

"You do, but by the time you get up and make it I'm already at work." He deadpanned. "And then I have to pick at leftovers when we get home." Santana just rolled her eyes and stood up.

"Everyone will be wondering where we're at." Dylan nodded and followed Santana out of the room, down the stairs and out onto the porch where they could look out onto the beach. The fire that Rachel had spent two hours building was illuminating the sand and casted shadows in every direction. "Are the guitars in the car?" She asked. Dylan had driven straight to Marco's instead of their home on account of Santana's orders.

"Yes." He said when she opened the car door a strange smell seeped out into the warm air and Santana's nose turned up as a grimace formed on her face. Dylan must have notice the way the Latina's left eyebrow shot up in question because he began to stutter out random words. "I… I can explain… it was um-"

"Did you have sex in my car?!" Santana all but screeched at the top of her lungs. Her fists clenched at her sides and her face grew red with anger. "I can't believe you had sex in my car! That is disgusting, Dylan. I swear to god if you weren't my best friend and I didn't love this car so much I would have smashed your face against the glass until it was covered with blood."

Dylan gulped audibly at the gory image that formed in his mind. He hand no reason to believe that Santana was lying so he took a couple of safe steps back. "I swear I cleaned everything up and look," He pointed at an air freshener that was hanging from the mirror. "I tried to get rid of the smell. I promise it won't happen again." Santana knew his promise was sincere but there was something in his voice that sounded like it wasn't a one off.

"You need to start talking and fast before I go all Lima Heights on your ass." She instructed as she began to spray perfume around the inside of her car.

"It was just this guy; it didn't mean anything I promise!" Dylan held up his hands in defence as Santana climbed out of her car and began to storm towards him.

"Do you know what? I think I've changed my mind about not smashing your head again it." she growled as she reached out to grab him but was stopped by a voice coming from the house.

"What're you shouting about?" Quinn's voice pulled them from their conversation.

"Nothing." Santana called back angrily. "We'll talk about this later." She whispered to Dylan before she pulled her guitar out of the car and headed towards Quinn with the man guiltily following form behind her.

Okay, so things could be worse… Brittany could have jumped on the first plane back to New York and left Santana for good or something equally as heart breaking, not that sitting in front of a huge bonfire with the blonde glaring daggers into the side of her head wasn't heart breaking or anything because it was. Santana wanted to walk off and cry.

She knew she'd hurt Brittany and it was hurting her just as much to know that's why the blonde was upset.

Santana didn't want to look up an meet the sad eyes that she was sure was still staring at her so she kept her eyes on the stick that she was poking into the fire and pretended that she was listening to Anton's rambling. "S'tana!" Santana flew backwards off the log she was sitting on at the loudness of the little boy's voice. She grunted as her back crashed into the cold sand, her eyes were clenched shut and she was sure she had just given herself whiplash. On the other side of the fire pit three women were laughing hysterically at the sight whilst Marco and Orlando ignored her.

"Oh, S'tana. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you…" Anton wined as he climbed on top of the woman chest; he cupped her cheeks and gazed down into her eyes. "Did I hurt you?" he pouted.

Santana just shook her head as she ignored the giggling coming from the other side of the fire. "I'm fine." She pushed herself up which caused Anton to roll off of her, "You going to help me up?" She teased as she held her hand up to the little boy for him to take; both hands clutched around her own but barely even budged her off of the ground before she was using her own strength to lift herself up. Santana shot Quinn a glare when she saw the smug grin on the blondes face as she dusted herself off and sat back down in her spot.

"Why are you covered in sand, S?" Dylan's voice sounded from behind them as he walked away from the house with a bag of what looked to be marshmallows. Santana ignored the question and clenched and unclenched her hands out in front of her until the blonde man dropped the bag into them. "So impatient." Dylan muttered with a roll of his eyes.

"Shut up." She muttered as she slipped three onto a stick and held it into the flames. Anton snatched the packet from her lap and ran off to eat the whole bag himself but was stopped when Orland hauled him up off the ground and threw the bag to the three women on the other side.

"Are you even aloud to eat these, Santana?"

The Latina shrugged with bulging cheeks. "I… don't… know." She said between swallows. "But I don't care because these are so fucking good." She sighed happily before popping another one into her mouth greedily then sticking a handful onto a stick to toast over the fire.

"You should take it easy on those…" Brittany's voice was soft and caring as it sounded across the flickering flames of the fire and straight into Santana's ears. She looked up to meet worried blue eyes and without another thought she dropped the stick into the fire and wiped her mouth clean. Brittany smiled softly at the action that caused tingles to race through Santana's body, their eyes glued together. She hoped that the blonde was feeling this warmth too. Maybe she hadn't messed everything up after all…

"Ow!" Santana's eyes reluctantly pulled away from Brittany's and flashed down to Anton who was screaming with tears beginning to form in his eyes. It took her a second to realise what had happened before she saw the burning stick in his hand and the red welt that was forming there. "Ow." His bottom lips began to quiver but before he could let out another wail, Santana dropped to her knees and pulled his hand to her lips.

"Come here, let me kiss it better." She cooed against his hands as she planted soft kisses around the flared skin. "That was silly, wasn't it?" she teased softly and wiped away the tears that were flowing freely from his eyes.

"You were… going to waist it…" he heaved in a shaky breath and sobbed against Santana's hands.

Santana resisted the urge to laugh at his excuse; she bit on her bottom lip and looked up to Orlando. "I'll take him inside." She nodded her head in the direction of the house as he nodded his head in approval.

"I can take him?" He offered just in case but Santana just shook her head and lifted him up into her arms where he buried his head deep into her neck and carried on sobbing. Just as she was about to turn around and walk up to the house she caught Brittany's eyes and saw the bright flicker of what looked to be like adoration and happiness that was forming in them as she stared up at the Latina. Santana quickly turned to hide the deep blush that was creeping up her neck.

"They're so cute." Quinn whispered from beside Brittany. The taller blonde found herself smiling contently as she watched the two brunettes walk up to the house and disappear behind the door. Everyone thought that Santana always wore this hard exterior like she could never fall in love, never show her feelings and never let anyone past her walls. Everyone who was a part of Santana's life thought this but one person. Brittany. The blonde was the only person who Santana had ever torn down her walls for, she was the only one Santana allowed herself to fall in love with and show every feeling she had. Brittany liked seeing Santana act like this openly; it hadn't gone unnoticed by the blonde how relaxed Santana was here and how happy she seemed to be.

"Yes they are." She stated with a nod. She felt a warm feeling spread through her body and swell in her heart because she knew that was what she wanted with Santana, she wanted to watch the woman take their own child to bed or kiss their cuts and bruises better or fall asleep with the pair of them. She wanted a family with the brunette, she wanted a life, she wanted to be happy and most of all, she wanted Santana.

"What're you going to do, B?" Brittany turned to look at Quinn with confused eyes.

"Huh?"

"Are you coming back to New York?" she watched as Brittany's smile fell from her face and was quickly replaced by a frown. She chose not to tell Brittany about the conversation she'd had with Rachel that afternoon about the couple considering moving here once the diva finished her year at NYADA. That plan would only work if Santana and Brittany got together again, so what would be the point in telling the blonde if there was a chance they wouldn't work out?

"I… I… don't know. I don't know if I want to because I don't want to leave Santana." Quinn nodded her head in understanding. "I want to be with her, I just don't know what to do…" Brittany sighed remembering what Santana had told her earlier that day on the beach. She wasn't angry, not at all but maybe just slightly offended that Santana would ever think she would do that. She loved Santana more than anything, she wanted to be with Santana whether she had a heart condition or not. "She told me about her heart."

Quinn's head whipped round to stair wide eyed at the blonde. No way did she think Santana had the guts to tell Brittany yet, apparently she was wrong. "What exactly did she tell you?" she didn't want to start talking about this until she was sure that Brittany knew the whole story including where Santana got the heart from.

Brittany shrugged. "Just that she got a new heart and she was too scared to tell me." Quinn nodded along, if Santana had told Brittany where she had gotten her heart the blonde would have told her but she didn't so Quinn assumed Santana had chosen to leave that part out.

"Are you shocked?"

"Of course I'm shocked!" Brittany exclaimed then realised that there were still other people sitting around her. "I mean, she didn't tell me and the last I'd heard was that she probably wouldn't get one. It must have been some sort of miracle." Brittany whispered slightly dazed by the whole idea of it.

"Or a really unfortunate accident…" Quinn mumbled under her breath but Brittany caught every word.

"What?" she frowned down at the shorter blonde but Quinn just shook her head to dismiss her statement.

Santana held Anton's hand under the cold tap as she sang softly into his ear; she hoped it would calm him down enough that he wasn't screaming. She hated hearing him cry, it felt like her own heart was breaking at the sound. She had no idea how she would cope if this was her own child. She would probably end up crying along with them. "S'tana, it hurts real bad." Anton whimpered with a pout.

"I know, but this water will make it all better." She reassured him, her face was buried into his soft brown hair. "How about we get you some chocolate and we can go back outside and sing some songs?" she asked with fake cheerfulness, she hoped this would take his mind off of the pain.

"Songs?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah." She smiled brightly down at him. The tears had stopped falling and a small smile was tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Can you sing that song you were just singing?" Santana frowned wondering why he would want her to sing that one. "Can you sing it to Brittany? She looked sad before and when you sang it to me it made me feel happy." Santana stayed quiet for a moment. She pulled the boys hand out from under the tap and dried it carefully with a towel before she kissed it softly and lifted him up into her arms.

"How about we sing some different songs first and then we'll see, okay?" she offered as the made their way back out onto the beach and towards the glow of the campfire.

"Okay." he nodded excitedly before he jumped down from her arms and raced over to his father. Santana looked around at the many faces that were looking up at her but her eyes stayed on a pair of bright blue orbs for a second or so longer than the rest before she sat down next to Dylan and released a heavy sigh, her eyes still glued to Brittany's.

"Are you okay?" Dylan asked as he looked at his best friend staring off towards the other side of the fire.

"Yeah." she admitted with a nod and for the first time in more than a year she actually meant it. She felt happy and full of life and there wasn't one bit of sadness or anger inside of her at that point in time. Santana ducked her head as she felt a deep blush creeping up her neck.

Dylan leaned into her side and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Did you tell her?" he asked softly. Santana just nodded but didn't make a move to say anything. "What did she say?"

"Nothing." She said shortly. Dylan took that as his queue to change the subject so he cleared his throat and pulled away slightly. "What do we have planned for tomorrow then?" He asked to no one in particular and hoped someone would answer.

"We were thinking of going shopping again." Rachel answered for the three women sitting opposite them. Santana stared at Quinn for a moment, hadn't she just been shopping earlier that day? She was just about to Question the blonde when she was halted with a glare from hazel eyes and abruptly shut her mouth. She would have to ask her about that later. "You can never have too many shoes." She chuckled and Santana found herself smiling at the sound of it. No matter how annoying the diva was, Santana still considered her one of her best friends.

"Wouldn't mind if I tagged along would you?" Santana asked.

"Of course not." Rachel beamed. "You can help me and Quinn pick out a new dress for my fathers' anniversary dinner." Santana rolled her eyes playfully but nodded in agreement, she had to bite down on her lip when she saw the look on Quinn's face.

"And I can't wait for that!" Quinn cheered sarcastically but stopped when Rachel shot her a glare. "What? Not that there is anything wrong with your dads or anything but I'm just not a parent kind of girl." She shrugged and began to pick at the stick that was in her hand.

Rachel just shook her head exasperatedly. "Honestly, Quinn." Her face softened when she turned back to Santana. "How are you and your mom, Santana? You haven't mentioned her yet; you must have spoken to her since you left New York right…?"

Suddenly the air around the fire turned cold and thick and an eerie silence fell around them all. Santana's whole body tensed and a pang of pain shot through her and stung at her eyes to form tears that were ready to spill over. All the happiness from earlier dissipated and the pain she had become used to over the past year returned but for some reason it was ten times as strong and burned her insides just as much. Dylan's arm gripped tighter around her but he kept his distance in case the Latina lost it. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her father get up and race off into the house with Orlando close behind him with a confused Anton in his arms, she knew he hated talking about her mother and he still wasn't completely over the shock just yet. Santana didn't have to look at the three women across from her to know that Quinn had her face buried deep into the palms of her hands and Rachel and Brittany with confused looks on their faces.

"Santana?" Brittany's voice was so innocent and full of love that Santana couldn't hold back her pain any longer. She slumped forward, her face pressed into her thighs and her hands curled under her stomach as she cried softly. She was so sick of crying, it seemed like the only thing she did anymore but what would you expect of someone who had gone through what she had in the space of two years. It was enough to crack someone up. Maybe she already had cracked up… maybe she was imagining this whole thing and she was still sitting in that hospital room when the doctor first told her she had a heart condition…

Maybe her mom hadn't died.

Maybe she still hadn't had the chance to ruin things with Brittany.

Maybe she could have the chance to do everything right this time.

But to her disappointment those hopes were shattered when she heard Dylan's voice whispering softly into her ear. She couldn't make out what he was saying but it was enough to make the pain in her chest grown. Her crying quickly turned into sobs and her whole body began to shake. Dylan pulled his arm away from her and the sound of muffled voices could be heard over the crackling of the fire and her deep breaths and whimpers but she chose to ignore it.

_I should have called her or something; I was here for six months before she died. What kind of daughter does that? _

Brittany stared at the woman she loved with wide eyes, never had she seen her look so broken even after all they had been through. She was sure if she reached out to touch her that Santana would shatter into a million tiny pieces.

Quinn had pulled Rachel and Dylan back up to the house – muttering to Rachel that she would explain later - and told Brittany to talk to her and that was what she intended on doing just as soon as she figured out how to get her feet to work. "Santana?" she asked again but the Latina just whimpered in response. Brittany pushed herself up off of the log and pulled her feet through the warm sand and sat down a respectable distance away from the brunette. "San, what's going on?" She reached out and placed her hand on the woman's back to try and sooth her but before she knew it Santana was throwing herself into the blonde's arms and clinging to her clothes for dear life as she sobbed into the crook of Brittany's neck.

"Brittany." Her breath was warm against the blonde's pale skin and she felt the woman shuddered against her and her grip tighten. Maybe if she wasn't crying she would have smiled at that but she just couldn't find it in her to do so. "I'm so sick of crying." She muttered harshly to herself but kept her grip tight on the blonde and slowly Santana felt herself calming in the blonde's arms, her body was relaxing and her crying was slowing. Santana may have been good at calming Brittany in thunderstorms but the blonde was definitely amazing at calming Santana when it came to feelings. "I need to tell you something." She said after a short while.

For some reason Brittany felt her stomach plummet at Santana's words, there was something in her that didn't want to hear anymore of Santana's painful memories but she knew that if there was any chance of the two of them getting back together then this would be the only way. "San, talk to me please." Brittany leaned back so that she could see Santana better, her hands moved up the Latina's arms until they were cupping her neck and their eyes were boring into one another.

Santana clenched her eyes shut and even more tears began to spill over, she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against the blonde's. "I'm… I'm sorry I left you, I'm sorry I just disappeared without saying goodbye, I'm sorry I came back and hurt you all over again and I'm sorry I ever thought you would use me like that because you're the most perfect woman on this planet and I know you wouldn't do that to me. I love you so much, Brittany and I swear to you I never meant to intentionally hurt you." she rushed out the best she could through her body shaking sobs. Brittany just stared at the woman confused.

"Why are you saying this?" her thumbs rubbed across Santana's cheeks as she wiped away the salty water that was streaking the makeup.

The Latina just ducked her head and shook it sadly before she looked back up to meet concerned blue eyes. "Because I couldn't tell my mom how much I loved her before she... before… I couldn't tell her how much she meant to me and how grateful I was for the way she brought me up even though she could have done a better job. The last words I ever said to my mom was that I didn't want to see her again." Santana bit back a sob that stuck in her throat. "I didn't get to tell my mom I loved her and I never will ever again because she's dead." She finished, her hands reached up and laced with Brittany's that were still holding her neck. The blonde was frozen, her mouth was gaping and she could feel her own tears now falling down her cheeks. She couldn't find it in her to say anything to the Latina. She knew there was no way to make her feel better so she just stared into the woman's eyes and hoped they conveyed all of the love she felt for her. "She gave me her heart." Santana whispered and it took a few seconds for Brittany to take in what she was saying. "I didn't even get a chance to say thank you. And I'll be fucking damned if I ever let you go, Brittany." In that single moment all Brittany wanted to do was lean that inch closer and kiss Santana senseless but just as she was about to do so, the Latina pulled away with a sad smile on her face.

"Where are you going?" Brittany whispered, her hands reached out in front of her as she tried to pull the woman back to her. Santana's smile turned into a happy one that almost reached her eyes but she moved far enough out of the blonde's reach so that she could pick up her guitar that had been resting against the end of the log. "When did you learn to play?" Brittany asked curiously.

"The day I realised I was only existing and not living, the day I realised I needed you in my life to survive." She pulled the instrument into her lap and saddled the log beneath her so that she was mirroring Brittany's new position. She felt her smile grow as she watched a bashful expression form on the blonde's face. "When I was inside just then with Anton, he told me to sing you this song." She ducked her head as a deep blush crept up her neck. "I think it's perfect because it shows what you mean to me…" he began to pluck at the strings and hoped she wouldn't start crying halfway through and ruin the whole thing and maybe things would work out the way she hoped they would. She closed her eyes and let the music take over.

_Aren't you something to admire?_

_'Cause your shine is something like a mirror_

_And I can't help but notice_

_You reflect in this heart of mine_

_If you ever feel alone and_

_The glare makes me hard to find_

_Just know that I'm always_

_Parallel on the other side_

Brittany's whole body shivered at the words, her heart burned in her chest and tears of happiness began to pool in her eyes. She knew that Santana didn't even have to sing the rest of the song to know what she was trying to tell the blonde because Brittany wanted to be with Santana and Santana wanted to be with Brittany, it couldn't get any simpler than that.

_'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul_

_I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go_

_Just put your hand on the glass_

_I'll be tryin' to pull you through_

_You just gotta be strong_

Santana didn't have to open her eyes to know that Brittany was smiling, she could feel the happiness physically radiating off of the other woman. She wanted to do something simple like reach out and take the woman's hand but she carried on playing.

_'Cause I don't wanna lose you now_

_I'm lookin' right at the other half of me_

_The vacancy that sat in my heart_

_Is a space that now you hold_

_Show me how to fight for now_

_And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy_

_Comin' back here to you once I figured it out_

_You were right here all along_

Brittany bit down on her bottom lip to try and supress the size of the embarrassingly large smile that had formed on her face. She shuffled forward on the log until her knees were pressed against Santana's and reached out to placed her hands on the woman's thighs.

_It's like you're my mirror_

_My mirror staring back at me_

_I couldn't get any bigger_

_With anyone else beside of me_

_And now it's clear as this promise_

_That we're making two reflections into one_

_'Cause it's like you're my mirror_

_My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me_

Santana opened her eyes and gasped at how close Brittany was to her. Blue eyes were sparkling in the light of the amber flames, her skin was glowing and her lips were perfectly pink. She had to resist the urge to lean forward and press their lips together because there was nothing more in that moment she wanted to do more.

_'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul_

_I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go_

_Just put your hand on the glass_

_I'll be tryin' to pull you through_

_You just gotta be strong_

"I love you, San." Brittany whispered softly into the Latina's ear when she leaned forward to plant a soft kiss onto the woman's cheeks as she carried on singing. She would have kissed her lips but then that would stop Santana from singing and just the sound of Santana's voice was doing crazy things to her body.

_It's like you're my mirror_

_My mirror staring back at me_

_I couldn't get any bigger_

_With anyone else beside of me_

_And now it's clear as this promise_

_That we're making two reflections into one_

_'Cause it's like you're my mirror_

_My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me_

Santana leaned forward and placed their foreheads back together so she could feel Brittany's breath against her skin. She fit down on her lip for a single second to stop a whimper from break through because hell did she miss feeling this woman so close to her.

_Yesterday is history_

_Tomorrow's a mystery_

_I can see you lookin' back at me_

_Keep your eyes on me_

_Baby, keep your eyes on me_

Both women were breathing heavily, their breaths mixing in the air between them. Brittany's eyes were full of love, want and what Santana could only describe as pure adoration and she hoped that her own eyes mirrored the blonde's.

_Now you're the inspiration for this precious song_

_And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on_

_So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone_

_And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home_

_Just to let you know, you are_

"I love you so much." Brittany panted out against Santana's lips; her hands had found their way to the Latina's hips around the sides of the guitar and had begun to pull Santana closer.

_Girl you're my reflection, all I see is you_

_My reflection, in everything I do_

_You're my reflection and all I see is you_

_My reflection, in everything I do_

"You're the love of my life." Santana spoke the very last words of the song before she crashed their lips together in a passionate kiss that caused goose bumps to erupt all over her body and heat to rush to her chest. She couldn't suppress the smile that tugged at her lips when Brittany yanked the guitar from her hands and dropped it to the floor, she moved forward so that her legs were resting on top of the blonde's and her arms looped around Brittany's neck so that she couldn't pull away. Santana's mind was racing, her senses were in overload with Brittany's sent and she was sure she wanted nothing more than to hold her in her arms for the rest of their happy life together.

At that thought Santana's smile grew because she knew this was it, there was no more running away and no more being scared. She had Brittany now and she was sure she would be the happiest person alive up until the day she died and probably longer.

"San…" Brittany moaned as her hands gripped tighter on Santana's waist and pulled her closer until their bodies were flushed together. Brittany never wanted to let the woman go again, she didn't want to lose Santana and this was the only way she could stop herself from floating off into the amazing fuzziness that was swamping her brain.

The Latina wound her fingers into perfect blonde locks and flicked her tongue along Brittany's lip begging for access but to her disappointment the blonde pulled away but not before nipping at Santana's swollen lip. The Latina didn't know how she had lasted an entire year without this woman in her life, she had so many chances to come back to the blonde but she put off and put because she was afraid. But it was at this very moment that she realised that if she had gone a week or so longer without this woman she would have completely lost it.

Suddenly, Santana realised it was considerably colder and a lot darker. She gave Brittany one last peck on the lips before she took the blonde's hand and stood up on shaky legs, the fire had just about burned out and the wind was picking up. "Does this mean we can be in love again?" Santana asked cautiously as she rubbed the back of her neck.

"I never stopped being in love with you." Brittany stated as she placed their lips together in a loving kiss. "But yes, we can be in love again." she smiled softly and wrapped her arms around Santana's waist. The Latina couldn't suppress the huge and embarrassing grin that formed on her face, she definitely hadn't been this happy in a long time. She was pulled from her thoughts when she felt Brittany shudder against her body.

"We should head back home…" Santana chuckled as she pointed towards the street to where her apartment was then turned back to look at Brittany who had darker than usual eyes. She bit down on her lip to hide the smile but Brittany caught it and before she knew it the blonde was pulling her into her arms and spinning her in a tight circle.

"I've missed you so much." Brittany whispered into the crook of the Latina's neck as she walked them up to Marco's home. Santana pressed a soft kiss to Brittany's temple in response.

"Why aren't we going home?" Santana asked in confusion as they walked up onto the porch and entered the kitchen area.

Santana didn't see the beaming smile on Brittany's face, she didn't realise that she had just said 'home' instead of 'her house' and she didn't know how fast Brittany's heart was racing at the thought of them living together. "Because your apartment is too far away and I just want to sit and hold you for a little while." She whispered sweetly. Santana almost walked into the wall at the blondes words and had to steady herself up on the sink for a couple of seconds. Brittany just winked and held out a hand for Santana to take. The Latina's heart jumped at the gesture and she had to take in a few deep breaths to calm herself so that she wouldn't jump up and down with delight. Maybe a little too enthusiastically she took Brittany's hand, their fingers laced together perfectly and a smile formed on both of their faces. "We should go see everyone first though…" Brittany trailed off as they walked into the living room where everyone had gathered in a circle.

Their heads shot up at the sound of the two women entering the room, they all expected to see a shocked or confused look on Brittany's face, red and sad eyes on Santana but they were utterly confused to see the exact opposite. Santana's eyes were sparkling with happiness and Brittany was grinning with love. Their eyes moved down to the women's hands in sync to see them clasped tightly together and realisation hit them.

"Holy shit."

"Finally."

"Oh my god."

That was the only thing the couple could make out when the room erupted into cheers of happiness. Santana found herself blushing with a cheesy grin on her face and the only way she could hide it was by burying her face into Brittany's neck and god was that a mistake because the woman's perfume and natural sent climbed up her nose and sent a rush of heat to her brain and then down between her legs. She knew Brittany felt it too because the blonde wound her other hand around Santana's waist and pulled her impossibly closer as she placed a soft kiss to the top of Santana's head. "I love you." Brittany whispered and Santana's entire body shuddered at the words before she pulled away and pressed their lips together into a searing kiss even though it lasted for two seconds.

"I love you too." Santana felt her cheeks begin to ache from the smile that had glued itself on her face from the second she had finished singing to the love of her life.

"Break it up you two!" Rachel's joking voice pulled the couple from their trances and pulled them back to real life. "Come and sit down, we were just about to sing a few songs." She gestured to Dylan's guitar that was leaning up against the sofa but before anyone could say anything the two women were shaking their head 'no'.

"Actually, we were just going to head home…" All the adults in the room cocked their heads to the side as they smirked up at Santana knowingly. "It's been a long day and Britt-Britt here is tired. Isn't that right, baby?" Brittany almost chocked on air at the term of endearment and found herself beaming down at the beautiful woman wrapped in her arms. She was so lost in the dark brown orbs that she forgot what the question was and decided to just nod and hoped it was the right answer. Apparently she answered correctly because the smile on Santana face grew and she watched the light get brighter in the woman's eyes.

"But… but, S'tana you said we could sing a song." Santana looked down to see the tiny Latino tugging on the hem of her shorts with bright pleading eyes. She knew no one would ever be able to say no to him, they were almost as irresistible as Brittany's.

Almost.

She looked back up at the blonde for help and hoped that she would be able to help get them out of this situation because as much as she loved her family and friends, she just wanted to be alone with Brittany. But as she met ocean blue eyes she knew she was screwed because apparently Brittany couldn't resist Anton's puppy dog gaze either and was now staring at Santana with her own set of pleading eyes.

_I'm screwed I tell you. Screwed! _

She let out a long sigh because she knew she had no choice in the matter and buried her face into Brittany's chest as she reached out and ruffled Anton's hair. "Fine, but it's your fault if I fall asleep." She teased before she pulled Brittany down to sit on the floor next to her. She pulled the blonde's hand into her lap and began to trail her fingers up and down the perfectly smooth skin as Dylan began to play his guitar and Anton sang along loudly.

Brittany couldn't take her eyes off of the bright smile that had formed on Santana's face. The brunette's happiness caused a bubble of love to form in Brittany's chest and all she wanted to do was lean forward and kiss that smile until she couldn't breathe. But if she did that then she wouldn't be able to just stair and at the woman's smile that she had missed so much this year.

Santana knew Brittany was staring at her and it was doing all kinds of crazy things to her body but they weren't the only set of eyes on her. She blinked a few times before she turned to find Quinn and Rachel beaming at her with excited eyes. It took so much of Santana's will power to stop herself from rolling her eyes playfully and instead just sent the woman a wink before she turned to Brittany, cupped the blonde's cheek in the palm of her hand and pulled her down into a loving kiss. Sparks seemed to erupt behind the Latina's eyes and warmth rushed through her body starting from her lips and ending at her toes.

_Yup, I definitely would have gone crazy if I'd waited another day. _

Santana thought surely as she tried to deepen the kiss but was stopped at the sound of someone clearing their throat from beside the couple. Brittany groaned and wrapped her arms tightly around Santana's neck so that the smaller woman couldn't pull away, she smiled against Santana's lips when she chuckled and reciprocated Brittany's action by winding her own arms around her waist.

"S, can we talk?" Quinn's voice was slightly impatient but there were still traces of playfulness in her tone. Santana rolled her eyes knowing that Quinn wouldn't go away anytime soon and reluctantly pulled away from Brittany who let out an irritated groan.

"This better be good, Q. I've spent a year away from Britt-Britt and I don't intend on wasting another second without her." Santana stood up but not before planting a soft kiss onto Brittany's temple and followed Quinn out into the kitchen and left Brittany to do whatever with Rachel who was now ushering the blonde off into the opposite direction.

"I'm glad you and Brittany are okay again." Quinn smiled lovingly at Santana who returned it followed by a nod.

"Make it quick, blondie." Santana teased as she leaned against the counter and stared curiously at her friend.

"You know we have to leave in less than a week right?" Santana felt her heart drop at the thought as she nodded. She had tried so hard to keep that thought out of her head or at least push it to the back of her mind but she knew there was no point because soon enough Brittany would be flying back to good old New York and she would be staying here.

Alone.

"It had crossed my mind." Santana replied cockily as she crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "But what are you getting at?"

Quinn moved closer to the Latina so they could talk quietly without the people in the other room hearing them. "What are you going to do?" Santana frowned in confusion and tightened her arms around herself. Quinn noticed the look on her friends face and chose to elaborate because she knew how slow Santana could be with this sort of stuff. "Are you going to do long distance? Or are you going to ask her to move in with you?"

Santana was caught momentarily off guard. Surprisingly – or not – she hadn't actually thought about what would happen to her and Brittany once it was time for the blonde and their friends to leave. All she had been thinking about since Brittany became a part of her life again was how she could get her back and now that they were together again all she had wanted to do was kiss and touch the blonde, so really there hadn't been much room for anything else to occupy her mind. But now that Quinn had sprouted that thought in her head everything else had gone silence.

What would she do? She knew long distance only lasted in fairy tales but she also knew that she would never cheat on Brittany and the same would go for the blonde so would they be able to cope just for a little while or would it just end up in even more heart break? Santana couldn't cope with her heart breaking again, her family and friends wouldn't be enough this time and she was one hundred per cent certain of that.

The only other option she had was to ask Brittany to move in with her. The thought was so daunting that she felt herself sway on her feet until she reached out and caught herself on the counter. Yes, Brittany and her have already lived together but they decided to move in together when they were best friends, their relationship formed after that. If she asked Brittany to move in with her this time it would mean a lot more to the both of them, it would mean being jumping right back into a serious relationship but Santana didn't know if they would be able to handle that in such a short space of time.

Maybe if they tried long distance Brittany would eventually move here or Santana could move back to New York. The Latina was willing to do anything for her blonde. She wanted to be with Brittany more than anything but could the blonde actually trust her after she ran away and broke her heart?

"Santana, what're you going to do?" Santana stared at Quinn with a panicked expression on her face and her eyes full of worry.

"Brittany, are you listening to me?" Rachel's voice could only just be heard over the loud troubled thoughts that were whirling around inside of Brittany's mind. Little did she know that Santana had just been asked the very same question.

_No, I'm not listening to you. Please fuck off while I have an internal freak out and leave a message after the beep. BEEP!_

She shook away the angry, panicked thoughts and looked back at the diva in front of her. "I don't know. I don't want to go back to New York now I know what it's like here. Now that I know how it feels to be happy again with her." Brittany found herself smiling at the memory of kissing Santana outside in front of the fire and how happy she had felt. She didn't ever want to be without that feeling but it wasn't like she could just announce her moving in with the woman.

Rachel nodded her head in understanding. "Quinn and I were talking earlier and we've decided that we're going to move over here once I've finished school." She stated and Brittany's eyes grew wide. "And we figured that you should too, only if you want to which you clearly do." Brittany was nodding her head before the diva had even finished her sentence but her smile was soon replaced by a slight frown. "What is it?"

"I don't have a job here…" Brittany whispered sadly, if she didn't have a job she wouldn't be able to afford anywhere to live – if she didn't move in with Santana – or be able to help out with the rent and groceries.

"Oh but you do." Rachel grinned mischievously and pulled out her phone and handed it to the blonde. "You need to call Kristen." Brittany wanted to protest; she had no intentions of ever talking to that woman again but chose to trust that Rachel knew what she was doing. After all, the brunette was one of the smartest people she knew.

Santana walked back into the living room after going into a mad panic with Quinn and found Brittany and Rachel already there. She was about to make some snide remark about swapping girlfriends when she noticed the bright toothy smile that was on Brittany's face. "Ugh, I've missed seeing that." Santana muttered as she sat down in between the blonde's legs and pulled long pale arms around her waist as she leaned back into her chest.

"What have you missed?" Brittany asked, she buried her face into the crook of Santana's neck and inhaled deeply.

"Your smile." Santana answered with a sigh of happiness.

Brittany hummed in response. She could list a few things she missed about the Latina. Like the floral small that seemed to be the woman's natural sent or the smoothness of Santana's skin. She missed the way Santana's chest rose and fell with each breath, the way her nose scrunched up when she laughed, the swirls in her eyes and the way Santana would shudder when she would kiss that spot behind her ear…

Santana began to stroke small circles on the skin of Brittany's arm sleepily as her eyes began to feel heavy and her head began to bob as exhaustion took over. Brittany leaned back against the sofa and pulled Santana with her so that the woman would be more comfortable. This. This is what she had been missing, being able to just hold Santana was more than anyone could ask for. Brittany planted small, soft kisses up the Latina's neck until she stopped behind her eyes at _that_ spot and blew on it softly. She watched as Santana shivered and cuddled up to her further, her hands curled around Brittany's.

"You should take her home…" Marco's voice sounded softly from across the room. Brittany looked up to meet an affectionate smile and nodded softly as she shifted slightly so that she could lift Santana up in her arms – she didn't even stir. Rachel and Quinn were close behind as they all said their goodbyes and walked out towards Santana's car.

"She's going to kill us for driving this." Quinn chuckled as she climbed in the driver's seat and looked back at Brittany with a smirk.

"She would have killed you the last time you'd driven it if she hadn't been so ill." Rachel chimed in, the memory of the four of them driving to Lima flashed in their minds but Brittany blocked the rest of the conversation out, her fingers were tracing along Santana's facial features and racking through her hair.

They pulled up outside Santana's apartment and clambered out one after the other. The Latina mumbled incoherently in Brittany's arms but didn't wake, she wound her arms around the blonde's neck and buried her face into the crook of her neck and breathed in the women's sent unconsciously. Brittany's body warmed at the feeling, she tightened her arms around Santana like she was her life line and carried her into the apartment.

"Are you guys just going to head to bed?" Brittany whispered as she climbed the stairs up to Santana's room.

"Yeah, we're going to head out earlier and get some shopping done." Quinn answered softly as she took Rachel's hand and walked over to Dylan's empty bed.

"Good night, guys." Brittany smiled before she turned and walked further into Santana's room and lay the woman down on her bed.

"Mm, Britt-Britt." Santana stirred and reached out blindly at Brittany's blazer, she clasped her hands around the fabric and pulled the blonde down to lay next to her. Brittany chuckled and wound her arms around Santana's waist to pull her closer to her body.

"I can't believe it's been so long since I've held you like this." Brittany sighed into soft brown hair. Santana turned in her arms to face Brittany and looked up into clouded eyes.

"I…" Santana wanted to apologise but she couldn't form the words in her mouth, she wanted to tell Brittany how much she had missed her while she was here but the words weren't there. She clenched her eyes shut and hoped that when she opened them Brittany would know what she was trying to say because after all this time, Santana never regretted anything as much as this. She wished she hadn't left New York; they would still have been a couple and so in love that it was better than a drug. They wouldn't have missed out on a year living happy together, their hearts wouldn't have been broken and they wouldn't have gone through so much pain.

Brittany stared down into emotion filled eyes and held down the gasp at the intensity of them. She watched as love, adoration and so many other emotions flashed towards the blonde. Brittany knew Santana was trying to apologise but the truth was that Santana's apology wasn't what mattered to her anymore, she was so sick of feeling pain and anger, she just wanted to be happy and in love again. So she reached out with one hand and cupped Santana's cheek, her thumb traced across her cheekbone and wiped away the single tear that had managed to fall from the deep brown orbs.

"I love you, San." Brittany whispered before she closed the gap between them and pressed their lips together in a soft and loving kiss, the kind that made their hearts race rapidly and their heads spin out of control, the kind that conveyed every ounce of love the two women felt for each other. She didn't know she was crying until Santana reached up and wiped away the tears that had dripped onto her own skin. The Latina moaned softly as Brittany swiped her tongue along Santana's lip begging for access.

Santana parted her lips without a second thought, her hands pushed against Brittany's shoulders until the blonde was lying flat on her back and Santana lifted one leg over Brittany's waist to straddle her hips. She stared down longingly into dark blue eyes, one hand held her body up next to Brittany face while the other rested on the blonde's chest – it moved up and down with ever inhale and exhale. Santana gulped at the feeling of Brittany's solid heart beat beneath her fingertips.

She had longed to feel that feeling again.

She pressed their lips softly together again, Santana had to hold back the moan that was threatening to escape at the feeling of Brittany flick her tongue against the roof of Santana's mouth. Brittany slid her hands up the Latina's thighs and stopped at the hem of her shorts before she slipped her fingers beneath the fabric and began to stroke soft patterns against her burning hot skin. More tears began to fall from Santana's eyes at the action, never in the year she had been away from Brittany had she been touched like this, never in the year she had been away had she felt this happy, this in love and this _wanted_.

"Brittany." She pulled away with a gasp as a rush of pleaser coursed down her spine and formed a heavy throb in between her legs. She didn't want this to just be about sex, she wanted to show Brittany how much she loved her and how sorry she was for leaving, that she was never going to leave her again.

Brittany sat up into an upright position and wrapped her arms around Santana's neck to pull her close. She played with the soft hair on the nape of her neck while she moaned into the woman's mouth as she felt a wave of her own pleasure wash over her because this is where she wanted to be, right here with Santana's body pressed flush against her own and the pair of them declaring their for each other through hot passionate sex. Yup, she definitely did _not_ want to be anywhere else.

Brittany began to pant against Santana's lips when the brunette pushed Brittany's blazer off her shoulder, threw it across the room and slipped her hands under her shirt and pressed the pads of her fingers to the skin of her pale stomach.

It was almost unimaginable to Santana that this was happening after so long without it. It felt so good and yet she was scared to let herself believe it was real in case she opened her eyes to find she was lying in her bed at Marco's house, a depressed mess and had just woken up from a dream. Someone up _there_ must really hate her if they would do that to her. She was pulled from her thoughts when Brittany began to nibble on her bottom lip which caused Santana's hips to rock into the blonde. Her grip tightened around Santana's body before her hands slipped down to cup the Latina's ass – earning a deep and throaty moan to escape Santana's mouth.

The brunette tugged desperately at Brittany's shirt until the blonde held her arms in the air so she could pull it free from her body. Santana felt even more warmth flood through her body causing her mind to grow fuzzy and the throbbing between her legs to turn into a solid pounding. She wasn't even embarrassed by the fact that Brittany could probably feel her wetness through her denim shorts; she carried on rocking her hips in time with her heart beat.

Brittany gasped loudly when Santana cupped her breasts in both hands and began to massage them softly until the blonde fell flat onto her back and began to grind her own hips against the Latina's. "Brittany, oh my god." Santana moaned loudly, she latched her lips onto the blonde's neck and sucked, nipped and licked at the soft flesh there until a deep purple mark had formed. There was something inside of her that reacted at the thought of being able to do that to Brittany after so long; she could call the woman her own again.

"San," Brittany gasped and dark brown eye's flickered up to meet deep blue, pale hands cupped Santana's cheeks and pulled the woman down to kiss her lovingly as they moved in time against each other. Santana hooked her fingers around Brittany's shorts and began to tug them down her thighs causing Brittany to whimper louder than Santana had ever heard her. The air around the woman was suddenly filled with the sweet smell of Brittany's arousal and no doubt Santana's as well.

Santana mentally begged her eyes not to roll to far back into her head as she looked down at Brittany's perfect body. She reached out and trailed her pointer finger down the valley of the blonde's breasts and down her stomach where she stopped at the top of her lacy underwear. Brittany's hips began to buck up into Santana's hand begging the woman to stop teasing her. Santana smirked, pulled her hands away and ducked her head to press her lips firmly against the blonde's as she her hands reached round behind her and pulled the bra from Brittany's body.

The taller woman gasped loudly when Santana cool hands cupped her warm breasts in both hands and began to pinch and kneed at the soft skin there. "Ugh, I love you so much." Brittany hummed into Santana's mouth as pleasure seared through her body.

At these words Santana's eyes clouded over as a rush of emotion took over. It was something so little yet something huge, it didn't take a lot of energy to say those words but hell did it make Santana fall in love even further with Brittany – which she thought was impossible. "I love you, Britt-Britt." She gasped as she began to grind down harder into the blonde's core. She could feel Brittany's wetness sticking to her thigh and she couldn't take it anymore. She lifted up an inch or so before she slid her hand down past the hem of her underwear and slid a finger through the blonde's folds. Both women sighed when the brunette flicked her finger over Brittany's clit once, twice, three times before she dipped the tip of it into her entrance.

"Oh fuck." Brittany's nails dug into Santana's still clothed back as the Latina's pushed in further, stars erupted in front of blue eyes that momentarily blinded her before she regained her vision and reached up to Santana's chin so that the Latina would look her in the eyes. When she did, Brittany had to bite down on her bottom lip to hold back the sob of happiness she was sure was bubbling up in her throat. Santana's eyes were pooling with tears but behind the salty water she could clearly see the pure love the Latina had for her and she hoped that her own eyes were mirroring the brown orbs in front of her. "Don't stop."

Santana nodded and began to pump her hand back and forth; she added another finger and groaned when she felt Brittany tighten around her. It had been too long. She had been stupid to leave, completely idiotic and Santana was going to make sure she never did anything like that again. She vowed never to hurt Brittany for the rest of her life. She ducked her head so that their foreheads were pressed together and they were gazing into each other's eyes as sweat began to form on both of their bodies.

The two women down stairs were completely forgotten, the friends and family streets away were now non-existent and the rest of the world just didn't matter anymore because they were together, in this room making sweet, sweet love. Neither of them cared about anything but the fact they were with each other.

Brittany's body began to shudder and her lips parted, her eyes rolled back into her head, her hips bucked rapidly into Santana's hand and a final scream of arousal racked through her body as she came undone in the Latina's arms. Arms she should have been in all along. A single tear streamed down the side of her cheek and a beaming smile graced her face and lit up the entire room. Santana's heart jumped at the sight. "I love you, Brittany. I always have and I always will." The blonde stared up in complete bliss.

Brittany reached up with a shaky hand to cup Santana's cheek; she pulled her down and kissed her softly. "I know, always and forever. Me and you." Brittany smiled against the brunette's lips when she heard her sniff and wiped at her face. "Don't cry." The blonde cooed. "You don't have to be sad anymore, we've got each other again, I got you and you got me. You have an amazing family and you have a heart…" Brittany trailed off; she traced her finger over the spot she was sure Santana's heart was. A thought popped into her head, something she should have said earlier that night when they were down on the beach. "The fact that your mom gave you her heart shows how much you meant to her and how much she loved you despite what was going on because you're her daughter. And your mom is always going to be with you because of that. She's always going to be a part of your life no matter what because she gave you her love. It's all in there Santana." Brittany pointed at Santana's heart. The Latina's eyes were soft and full of love, they were completely drowned in tears but her eyes didn't match the smile on her face. "Please don't cry." Brittany pouted as she kissed the tears that were streaming down Santana's face.

"I'm crying because I'm happy, Britt. You make me so happy, _crazy_ happy." the smile Santana gave the blonde made her heart ram against her chest; she reached up and pulled Santana into a strong hug. The Latina peppered Brittany's face with kisses, she worked her way down her neck, her shoulders, arms, chest and then her stomach, her kisses were soft and completely love filled. She's missed being able to kiss the blonde like this it caused butterflies to form in her stomach and her face to flush. She then proceeded down and hovered over Brittany's covered centre but was stopped from making another move when Brittany pulled on her shoulder and flipped them over.

Santana gasped at the action and revelled in the feeling of the pounding in between her legs intensifying as Brittany climbed up her body and ducked her head to latch her lips onto Santana's neck. But before she could stop anything from happening Brittany was already tugging at the hem of her shirt and pulling it up past her stomach. Santana practically launched herself off of the bed and pinned herself back against the wall, her eyes were wide and full of panic as she stared back at a dumbfounded Brittany.

"San?" Brittany's brow rose in confusion as she slowly climbed of the bed clad in only her underwear and walked slowly over to the shaking Latina. "What's wrong?" She reached out to take Santana hand but she snapped it away before Brittany could touch her. A pout formed and she looked down sadly at her hands. Had she done something wrong? Had Santana changed her mind about wanting to get back together?

"I…" Santana started but stopped, she didn't know how to tell Brittany she was embarrassed about her scar, the blonde had already seen it but that was a spur of the moment kind of thing. She didn't want to be in such an intimate moment with the love of her life and feel completely disgusting at the same time. "I can't take my top off." Santana decided to say after a few seconds of standing in silence, panic was beginning to rise within her chest and she didn't know what else to do. She didn't want Brittany to think that she didn't want to do this with her and show her how much she loved her because she did. More than anything.

It took Brittany a few seconds to understand what she was talking about but then she remembered Santana's scar and how insecure she was of it. She looked down in to brown orbs and all she could see was panic and uncertainty. "Santana," Brittany reached out and laced her fingers with Santana's, she was thankful the Latina didn't pull away. "You will always be beautiful, scar or no scar you're perfect in my eyes and everyone else who sees you." Santana ducked her head in embarrassment. There was no doubt in her mind that Brittany thought she was beautiful and maybe her family and friends did too but that didn't stop her from feeling the complete opposite. "Look at me." Brittany ordered when Santana turned away. "Please believe me." Santana gave her a soft smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Brittany sighed. "I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that you're beautiful, I'll ask people on the streets, I'll scream it from the roof tops. Hey, I'll even make a ton of billboards if that's what it takes." The Latina's smile grew. "I love you; you're beautiful inside and out."

Something in the Latina's chest tugged and she felt her smile finally reach her eyes. Maybe it would take a long time and maybe it would be heard work but she believed Brittany when she'd said she would make her feel beautiful again and something that felt like hope welled inside of her heart. So she tugged at the corners of her shirt and yanked it up over her head. "Okay." was all she said before she pushed the blonde back onto the bed and straddled her hips.

This was just the beginning of a lifetime of healing.


	35. Chapter 35

Argh! guys I am so sorry this took me so long, I just haven't really been feeling up to it lately and then every time I went to write it sounded like crap so I kept deleting it and then when I finally went to update, my laptop being the piece of shit it is, decided to delete it again... I know excuses excuses I'm sorry, but here it is! I didn't read it through because I wanted to get this up to you as fast as I could so any mistakes are all mine.

one more chapter after this guys and maybe an epilogue but that's up to you! would you guys like a sequel that would be update maybe once a month (maybe) or an epilogue that would give you answers to the huge cliff hanger I have planned for the next chapter straight away? Please PM me or review with your thoughts and I'll see what I can do.

so with that, please enjoy and I love you all!

* * *

Chapter 35

She knew there was a smile on her face before she'd even fully woken up, it had probably been there whilst she slept and while Santana stared at her. Brittany had woken once or twice in the middle of the night still very much wrapped up in Santana's arms with deep brown orbs staring down at her. Every now and then they would whisper a soft 'I love you' before they drifted off into sleep once again. A warm fuzzy feeling had been buzzing in Brittany's chest ever since Santana had kissed her outside the night before and it showed no signs of dying down, the truth was she didn't want it to, it made her feel warm and happy and she knew it was because the aching space that had been formed when Santana had left had now been replaced by love now that she was back and they were in love again.

Brittany reached out towards Santana's side of the bed when she realised they weren't tangled together anymore but she froze when her hand was met with cold bed sheets. Panic shot through her body and she jolted into an upright position. The thought of Santana leaving her again was now strong in the front of her mind. Her eyes grew wide when there was no sign of Santana in her room and soon enough tears began to from and she began to choke out sobs. "San? Santana?" she said through heavy gasps. Everything was silent and Brittany was just about to throw herself out of the bed and go on a mad man hunt for the woman when she heard the sound of bare feet padding up the wooden steps towards her. Brittany collapsed with relief when she saw Santana standing there with worried eyes, her body clad in only a long white sleep shirt and some bright pink underwear that could be clearly seen through the shirt.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Santana walked over to the bed and climbed on to sit with her girlfriend. She didn't know why the blonde was crying and panic rose in her chest when the thought of Brittany being hurt or maybe changing her mind formed in her head. She found her own eyes begin to flood with tears and frantically wiped at them before she reached out to cup the blonde's cheeks. "Britt-Britt?" she urged when Brittany didn't say anything. Santana straddled the woman's hips and stared down into cloudy blue eyes.

"I… I thought you'd left me… again." She sniffed out when a minute passed of the two of them just staring at each other. The pools of tears escaped Brittany's eyes and poured down her cheeks, she tried to wipe them away but they were only replaced seconds later by another stream of salty water. "Please don't leave me again." she sobbed into Santana's chest as she clung tightly at the fabric of her shirt, it felt weird being in this position with the Latina after a year without her.

Santana smiled sadly into blonde locks, it hurt to hear Brittany say those words but she knew it was going to take a long time for the other woman to be able to trust her again, after all Santana just up and abandoned everything she ever loved in the space of a few minutes. It was understandable that Brittany would be scared of losing her again.

But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"I'm never leaving you again." Santana stated surely, she lifted the blonde's chin up so she could see her eyes and almost gasped at the intensity of the blue orbs staring back at her. "Never." She said finally and kissed the blonde lovingly on the lips but when she pulled away she was met with sad eyes. "Do you believe me?"

Brittany could hear the panic in Santana's voice and all she wanted to do was kiss away the pained look on her face and tell her that she did believe her. But did she? Did she believe that Santana was going to stay with her for the rest of their lives? It was a pretty big commitment to make so early on in their lives, she wanted to believe that Santana would stay with her until they day she died but she didn't know if she could, not after everything they had gone through this past year.

Maybe it would take some time but she knew things would get better, she knew she would be able to trust Santana again.

"You were gone for a year." She said barely above a whisper but Santana heard it clearly and she flinched at the pain in Brittany's voice. "We were so in love." Blue eyes closed so she didn't have to watch the tears fall from Santana's. "I'd thought I'd lost you when we rushed you to that hospital, when you'd locked that bathroom door and we couldn't get in to help you. I'd never been so scared in my life." She choked back a sob but her grip tightened on the Latina's shirt. "And then you woke up and I swear to god I thought I was dreaming because the doctors told us to prepare for the worst."

Santana stayed silent as Brittany spoke, the pain in her chest intensified by the second as her words sunk in deeper and deeper until they buried into her heart.

"I was so happy and I never wanted to let you hurt again but then you were gone." This time a sob did break through her lips and she ducked her head into the crook of Santana's neck and breathed her in. Everything seemed so knew yet so familiar and it was all too much for Brittany so she pulled away. "I didn't know what had happened, I thought I'd done something wrong and you didn't want to be with me anymore." She wiped away her tears and finally looked back into Santana's eyes. "You just cut off all contact, I couldn't call, text or even email you. I didn't even know if you were dead or alive." Santana flinched at the harshness of Brittany's words. "But what hurt most is that you didn't even say goodbye."

Santana didn't know what to say, she'd never really spoken to Brittany about this into this much detail and it hurt to hear how much she'd hurt her. "Brittany, I…" she trailed off because 'sorry' just wasn't good enough, 'sorry' would never be good enough, it wouldn't never heal the pain she'd caused and it would never make up for everything she had ruined.

Only she could fix this.

"I will do everything in my power to prove to you that I will never leave you again. I can't survive without you in my life, Brittany. I love you so much." Santana's hands cupped Brittany's cheeks as she stared deeply into swirls of blue and silver.

Brittany believed that Santana thought what she was saying was true but she didn't know if Santana could stand by her promises; after all, she had promised the same thing just over a year ago and look what happened. But instead of calling the Latina out on her promise, Brittany just nodded and sunk her head down into Santana's chest. The blonde would learn how to trust her again, she was sure of it.

"We can make this work." Santana whispered and Brittany kissed the soft skin of the woman's chest in response. "Everything's going to be fine." And this time Brittany completely believed her. She believed that as long as they tried, everything would be okay; they would be happy and have the perfect life they'd always dreamed of.

Brittany wrapped her arms around Santana's waist and pulled her down so that they were lying tangled with each other on the bed. Santana stared down into silver swirls mixed with blue; she could feel herself falling even more madly in love with this woman and she knew that she could never leave her again even if she wanted too. She decided to take a risk and closed the distance between them, their lips met and sparks erupted all over her body. Brittany didn't pull away and trailed the tips of her fingers up to Santana's hair to tangle in her hair.

It was all Brittany ever wanted, to feel loved again, to be in love with this woman. And now that she finally had it back she almost couldn't believe it.

"What're you thinking about?" Santana mumbled against pink lips. "The cogs turning in your head are making my feet hurt." Brittany felt herself chuckled at the woman's words.

"I didn't thank you." Their lips were still grazing against each other as they talked but Santana pulled away fully so she could see Brittany face.

"What for?" she asked with a dip of her brow.

"Coming back when I was ready to break." She whispered and ducked her head to avoid Santana's soft eyes.

"Shush. I'm here now, and I'm here to stay." She kissed Brittany's temple and stroked her hands down the woman's side lovingly. "I promise." Before Brittany had a chance to reply the sound of something hitting the kitchen floor sounded from downstairs and the couple's heads shot up in surprise. Santana's brown furrowed in confusion and Brittany tilted hers to the side like an adorable puppy. The Latina would have said as much were it not for another loud crash followed by a muffled squeak. "What the hell is going on?" Santana reluctantly shuffled off of the bed and threw Brittany some sweat pants and her old cheerios hoodie.

"Do you think a zombie has broken in…?" Brittany whispered as she pulled the hood up over her head and defensively wrapped her arms around her body.

"Don't worry, Britt." Santana rubbed her hand over the blonde's back reassuringly and led her down the stairs and towards the kitchen. The Latina revelled in the feeling of Brittany clutching onto the back of her shirt as the moved closer to the kitchen. Santana's eyes roamed around her home to find Quinn and Rachel's bed empty but chose not to say anything to Brittany because she was enjoying the closeness too much. "Oh. Jesus. Christ." Santana gasped and quickly spun round to push Brittany away from the kitchen so that she wouldn't have to witness the mind scarring sight that would be imprinted on her own for the rest of her life.

"What happened? Has the zombie got Q and Rachel?" Brittany's eyes were wide and frantic and Santana was sure her own face had turned green.

"No, there's no zombies." The Latina mumbled out, she stared blankly at where they had just been stood.

"Santana, I am so sorry." Rachel's high pitched voice sounded from across the room as she dragged an embarrassed and dishevelled looking Quinn behind her. "It kind of just got out of hand…" she trailed off when Santana raised her hand in the air to silence the woman.

"You two realise that I am going to need therapy for the rest of my life…?" Santana glared at the couple and pulled Brittany towards the sofa to sit down. Quinn stayed quiet and Rachel just ducked her head. "I can't believe I just caught you fucking on my kitchen worktop!" she threw her arms in the air, Brittany's eyes grew wide with shock and the slightest of smirks formed on Quinn's face. "Oh, you think this is funny do you? How would you feel if me and Brittany did that on the place where you preparer your food or what about where you brush your teeth?" the smirk dropped from her face and she at least had the decency to look guilty. Quinn thought that Santana was about to go into cardiac arrest or some sort of epileptic fit, she knew this wasn't healthy for her heart and it seemed that the Latina's face was getting redder and redder.

"How about where you sleep or work?" Santana's heart was racing but she didn't mean to get so angry with the two women, she was in too much shock to control herself but when she felt long pale fingers wrap around her own she felt herself relax and the beating of her heart calmed. She sunk back into the sofa with a sigh and let Brittany wrap her arms around her body.

"We're sorry…" Quinn started but she stopped when Santana held up her hand again to silence her.

"It's okay." she shook her head, stood up and began to walk towards the kitchen where she was about to spray every surface with a pretty strong disinfectant. She could feel the three women's eyes on the back of her head and her own smirk formed on her face. "You better give me a number for a decent therapist though… I don't want to see you two in that position _ever_ again."

There was a gasp from the living room and she immediately knew it was Rachel, probably over exaggerating her shock. She shook her head and opened the cupboard where Dylan insisted on keeping over twenty bottles of bleach and other cleaning products. She rolled her eyes, he could be just as bad as Kurt and Rachel put together some times.

Quinn decided to make breakfast, much to Santana's displeasure. She hated people cooking in her kitchen and they knew it, they knew how pissed the Latina would get or controlling and possessive. It was quite amusing to watch if you weren't the one being screamed at. The poor blonde was in the position right now but all she did was make a bigger mess just to irritate the woman further. "Stop. Stop that right now, you're ruining my kitchen! Quinn!" She screamed when the blonde dropped a box of eggs on the floor.

Brittany and Rachel were in stitches on the floor, tears were flowing freely from their eyes and the sound of laughter filled the room. Santana paused in her rant to Quinn and turned to face the blonde on the floor, a smile quickly graced her lips at the sight. It had been so long since she had last heard that sound and all she wanted to do in that moment was hold the woman and sob with happiness. Her heart warmed when Brittany's eyes met hers and the laughter didn't stop. She crouched down and cupped the blonde's cheek in her hand, Brittany's laughter trailed off as Santana inched closer and closer until she stopped less than a millimetre away from her lips. She was so close and she could smell the coffee on the blonde's lips, she watched as Brittany's eyes drifted shut and she closed the distance between them. It felt so right and she finally felt alive again after so long of feeling like nothing.

"We've got two hours before Britt and Rachel come back. Hurry up." Santana said as she ushered Quinn into the hot s sweaty shop.

"Thanks for coming with me." the blonde whispered, they looked down into the display case at the diamonds that sparkled up at them. Santana shrugged like it was no big deal but all she wanted to do was scream with happiness and hug her best friend until she turned pink. She was proud of where they were all today, it seemed like they'd only just left high school, but now look at them, she was working at a pretty popular photography studio, Rachel was graduating from college, Brittany was doing well with her dancing career and Quinn was about to propose the woman she had spent most of her high school life torturing.

"What about this one?" Quinn pointed at a silver ring towards the back, I tiny diamond shone up at her but Santana frowned.

"If you want Berry to say yes, you're going to have to get her a bigger rock than that." She smirked up at Quinn who nodded in agreement before she moved over to the other side of the room.

"What about this one?" her face was pressed up against the glass of the display case which caused it to fog up every time she exhaled. Santana chuckled at the woman as she strolled over taking her time much to Quinn's annoyance who turned around and glared at the woman.

"Whoa, calm yo tits, Q." Santana mused in the best ghetto voice she could do as she finally reached the glass cabinet and followed Quinn's pointing finger. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped and all she could feel inside her chest was pride for the other woman. "It's perfect." But Santana couldn't keep her eyes on the ring for too long, her own eyes were already wandering back around the room in search for something that would suit a certain blonde…

Brittany pulled Rachel into the huge studio that she had spent over an hour talking to Kristen about on the drive over there. "Oh…" Rachel gasped as they stared up at the glass ceilings and walls. "This is amazing."

"Yeah…" was all Brittany could manage to stutter out. She didn't know how she felt right now, there were so many emotions racing through her body that it was impossible to pick out a single one.

"I think you've hit the jackpot here, Brittany." Brittany ignored the diva as the trailed her hands along the glass of the mirror. Her heart pounded in her chest as she watched the smile form on her own face because she knew Rachel was right, not only with this place but also with getting the love of her life back.

Suddenly, the door to the studio swung open and in walked the woman Brittany not only swore she would never talk to again but also see again. The brunette woman had a huge shit eating grin on her face that Brittany wanted to slap off. "Good afternoon, ladies." Brittany rolled her eyes but Rachel returned the greeting with a smile.

"Kristen." The diva said and shook the woman's hand. They moved over to a desk that sat in the corner of the room and Kristen pulled out a stack of documents from her handbag.

"It's nice to see you guy's again." she said and pushed the papers towards Brittany when no one answered. "What made you want to manage the studio here instead of in New York?"

Brittany shrugged and scribbled her signature at the bottom of the contract.

"Not that I don't mind moving back to New York or anything. I kind of miss the big city you know? Are you sure you won't?" Brittany's hand hesitated for a moment above the paper as she thought about the question for a few seconds before she shook her head and smiled.

"I'm sure. I'm happy here, I'm happy with, San and I know that no matter where we are nothing else will matter as long as we're together." she finished surely, there was no doubt in her mind that she would regret staying here with Santana.

Kristen made a gaging noise and pulled the contract back into her bag. "Well isn't that just _lovely_…" she said coldly and all Brittany could do was shoot daggers into the back of the woman's head. "Have fun with your own studio." She waved the two women off lazily as she left the building.

"Wow, she's a bitch."

"Total bitch."

Santana watched as Quinn handed over her card to the woman behind the counter as she paid for the ring; a huge smile was plastered on her face and shone brightly through her eyes. "So, what now?" Santana asked as they headed out of the shop and back to the Latina's car. She couldn't help but let her mind wander back to the piece of jewellery that had gotten her attention ten minutes earlier.

"Now? Now I take her out for a nice romantic meal, pop the question and take her back to the hotel…" she trailed off with a goofy smile and slightly glossy eyes.

"Hotel?" Santana raised her eyebrow in confusion.

Quinn turned round with a devilish smirk plastered to her face. "Yes, hotel. You see, Rachel and I prefer to keep the sexual part of our relationship private, I know that might shock you considering the fact that you have a lack of that," she paused and shot the Latina a look as they climbed into the car. Santana knew she was talking about Brittany and her having sex whilst her and Rachel were in the apartment. "I have everything planned out so that there will be no interruptions." All Santana could do was nod in reply, she couldn't speak because she knew her voice would be shaking. She was already struggling to hold back the tears because the thought of her best friend being engaged by the end of the night was really getting to her. Quinn must have noticed Santana's uncharacteristic silence because she turned in her seat so she could face the Latina with a curious look. That look quickly turned to amusement however, when she saw the deep brown orbs beginning to water. "Oh hell no, Lopez. Please tell me you're not about to start crying." She bit back a laugh at the sight.

"N-no!" Santana tried to defend herself through a cracked voice. "I don't cry." She lied and Quinn raised a neatly shaped brow because everyone knew that Santana cried, that was all she seemed to do now.

"It's okay to get all emotional over my happiness, you're allowed to be happy for me!" the blonde teased and nudged Santana's leg.

"Shut it, Fabrey." Santana snapped as she let a tear run down her cheek. She knew it was no use trying to hide it from her so she didn't bother wiping it away. No one spoke for the rest of the car ride back to Santana's apartment, Quinn hurled herself out of the car and raced towards the elevator before screaming at the Latina to hurry up so she could help her pick out something to wear. Santana quickly pulled out her phone to call the shop they had just left to make sure everything was reserved for her before she fired off a quick text to her girlfriend.

Brittany smirked down at the text on her phone; she tilted it to the side so that Rachel couldn't read what it said.

_**Hey, Britt-Britt how's shopping with the diva? ;) I hope you're not having too much fun without me! Quinn is taking Rachel out to some swanky restaurant tonight so make sure she doesn't buy anything that will make her look like a tramp. I love you baby. **_

She was just about to reply when another text came through.

_**By the way, how does a picnic on the beach sound? Then later we can cross off the last couple of things on my list? ;) have fun xx**_

Brittany tried not to smirk too much at the text, she knew what was left to cross off on Santana's list and she couldn't wait. She began to chew on her bottom lips as her thoughts raced through her mind and she led Rachel into the shop.

_**Q's going to pick Berry up so I'll get you whenever you're ready. Xx **_

Brittany pretended to gag at the choice of dress the brunette held up in front of her. "Put it down before you blind me." she snickered at the exasperated look Rachel gave her. "What? You're fashion sense had gotten batter since we left Lima but it isn't _that_ good." The blonde winked and batted the brunette on the shoulder.

"I find that very offensive, Brittany." Rachel frowned and looked down at the outfit she was wearing. "What's wrong with this?" she waved her hand to gesture to the black leggings and grey sweater she was wearing with a faded picture of what looked to be a caracal horse. Brittany sent her a blank look but chose not to dignify the question with an answer.

"Just keep looking, Rach. Q's taking you out tonight so we need to get you a sexy dress." Brittany smirked at the almost horrified look Rachel gave her as she pulled out her phone to reply to Santana.

**We r going to b here 4 ever if Rachel keeps this up :P **

"Where's she taking me? I can't wear something sexy, what if she takes me rock climbing or hunting? I will need something practical!" Brittany rolled her eyes at Rachel's ridiculous excuse.

"Why would Quinn take you rock climbing?" she deadpanned before another thought crossed her mind. "Why the hell would she take you hunting? You're vegan!" For the first time ever, Brittany felt like she was smarter than Rachel Smart-Ass Berry. "Don't be silly, Rachel. Go find a dress now." She ordered.

**She thinks Q's going 2 take her hunting. Btw I have some amazing news 4 u! C u l8r. Love you xxx**

Santana smirked down at the text, she had long since given up on helping Quinn pick out a dress. That woman was infuriating sometimes. She stared down at the mess of her bedroom floor; a mixture of Quinn's and her own dresses were sprawled across every flat surface there was that was including her own body. She was sure that she would be completely covered by dresses if she could be bothered to even look up from her phone.

There was a huge Cheshire cat like grin covering her face and she didn't bother to hide it. It had been so long since she had been this happy to read a text, her heart was beating rapidly in her chest and her cheeks were flushed.

Brittany did crazy things to her sometimes.

"Whoa! What's wrong with your face?" Quinn rushed over comically clad in only her underwear and a sock and held her hands to the Latina's cheeks.

Santana frowned and pushed her away. "What're you talking about?" she reached up with her own hands to wipe at her face. Had she missed her mouth when she was eating or something?

"That!" the blonde jabbed Santana's lips then her cheeks where her dimples were on full show. "Is that what I think it is?" Santana arched her eyebrow in confusion. "Is Santana Lopez blushing and smiling like a complete idiot?" the blonde burst out into a fit of giggles when Santana slapped her away angrily.

"Go away you freak." She muttered.

"Nice insult." Quinn said sarcastically. "Really hurt my feelings." The blonde feigned hurt as she placed a hand on top of her heart and sauntered back into the Latina's walk in closet. "What're you smiling at anyway?" she called back.

Santana read out the texts and she knew that Quinn was cooing from where she was buried head first into a pile of dresses. "This one!" she held up a baby blue dress in her hands triumphantly along with some matching heels.

"Okay! Hurry up and get ready so I can do your hair." Santana ushered the blonde into the bathroom as she hauled her curling iron behind her.

"I can do it myself." Quinn protested with a pout.

"Yes, but then you'd look like you'd just been dragged through a gutter by your feet."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Don't argue with me, Q. You know I could take you out no problem. Even with this dodgy ticker of mine."

"Whatever." Santana smirked at Quinn's lack of response and turned on the curlers.

After fifteen minutes or so Santana was starting to worry that she had actually upset Quinn, she hadn't meant to or anything like that, it was just in her nature – and Quinn's too – to bicker and argue with each other. Usually it was all playful but she was beginning to wonder if maybe she had taken it a step too far. Just when her mouth was about to open and an apology was close to flowing off of her tongue, Quinn broke the silence.

"Do you know what you're going to do about B then?" Quinn looked up in the mirror to meat Santana's gaze.

"Um…" it took the Latina a few seconds to realise what the blonde was talking about. "Oh, yeah I was going to…" she trailed off into an incoherent mumble that Quinn could decipher.

"What?"

"I'm going to ask her to move in with me tonight." Quinn's jaw dropped.

"This soon? I mean, I know you two have already loved with each other but… but…" Quinn stuttered as she struggled to find the correct words without insulting the Latina, her hand waved around in front of her like it would help. "You've just gotten back together. The pair of you has been depressed for like a year! Are you ready for this?" they'd spoken about this briefly over the past week but Quinn didn't think Santana would ask Brittany this soon, she thought that they would at least give long distance a go first. "I don't think either of you could cope with another break up."

Santana nodded in agreement at that last observation but she couldn't help but think that the blonde could be more wrong. "I think we'll be okay this time. We're ten times stronger, more mature and one hundred times more in love." She smiled at Quinn in the mirror before she spilled the beans on what she'd done at the jewellery shop; she resisted the urge to chuckle at the look on the blonde's face. Shock, happiness, excitement and more shock before Quinn started screaming at the top of her lungs.

Brittany climbed into the front passenger seat of Santana's car as they dropped the other couple off at a very pricy looking restaurant later that afternoon. The sun was low in the sky and the air was getting chilly but Brittany and Santana didn't notice any of their surroundings because their hands were firmly clasped together, their eyes were locked and the smiles on their faces expressed everything they were feeling in that moment.

"I missed you." Santana's voice was barely above a whisper as she leant across the dashboard to crash her lips against Brittany's.

"We were only… apart for… a three hours." The blonde mumbled against full lips in between kisses. A deep chuckle rose up Santana throat as she wound her fingers into Brittany's hair.

"Three hours is a life time if I'm not with you." Santana found herself being lifted over the dashboard to straddle the blonde's thighs. Brittany had flushed a deep red at the Latina's words and the only way she knew how to hide her blush was to deepen the kiss. Santana squeaked in surprise but let Brittany lead as the blonde hungrily kissed down caramel skin to her collar bone where she began to nip and suck at her skin. "Ugh, Brittany…" Santana moaned as her hips bucked uncontrollably into the blonde's stomach, she needed friction to help with the throb that had begun to pulse in time with her heartbeat between her thighs.

It always amazed Santana how fast Brittany could affect her. One glimpse at the Latina would be reduced to a molten pile of liquid, a simple graze would cause her knees to give way and a kiss could send her tumbling over the edge in a matter of milliseconds. Sometimes she thought Brittany might have some sort of super human powers but then she would realise it was just because she was so head over heels in love with the blonde and there was nothing she could do about it.

But before things could move any further Brittany pulled away with a smug grin plastered to her face. "What about this picnic then?" She winked up at a flustered Santana and pushed her back into her seat. The Latina let out a frustrated huff before she turned the keys in the ignition and drove towards the beach.

"You drive me crazy sometime." Santana mumbled when Brittany placed her hand on her thigh and began to rub small circles. "And if you keep doing that I'm going to crash or something." Brittany let out an adorable giggle before she pulled away and settled into her seat fully.

"So, why are we having a picnic then?"

"Am I not allowed to treat my girlfriend?" Santana asked sweetly with an equally sweet smile as she batted her eyelashes.

"Of course you are but are you sure there isn't another reason behind this?" Santana thought about the question for a moment, there really wasn't any other reason. She just wanted to spend time with Brittany… and ask her to move in with her. She wanted everything to feel special; she wanted to show Brittany how serious she was.

"Nope, no other reason." Santana stated simply before she pulled up along the sidewalk and climbed out of the car. She ran around to the other side and opened the door for the blonde with an outstretched hand for the woman to take.

"Okay, well I have some pretty exciting news of my own." Brittany winked as she sauntered off towards the beach leaving Santana alone with her thoughts and the picnic basket.

"Quinn, this is beautiful…" Rachel trailed off as her eyes wandered around the restaurant they had just entered.

Quinn's eyes were glued to Rachel, she didn't care what this place looked like because the only thing that she could focus on was her girlfriend and how beautiful she looked especially in the short white dress Brittany and her had bought earlier that day. She latched her hands together in front of her waist to keep herself from doing something embarrassing. "You look beautiful." Quinn whispered but it was loud enough for the diva to hear.

Chocolate brown orbs flickered to meet bright hazel and Rachel's cheeks flushed a deep red at the sincerity of Quinn's words. "As do you, Quinn." She cooed sweetly, she reached up on tiptoes to plant a kiss on her girlfriend's lips. "I love you."

It was Quinn's turn to blush but she hid it well as she led Rachel over to the table she had reserved for tonight, it was near the back so it was private enough for what she had planned but not completely out of the way so Rachel would miss out on the attention she loved so much. "I love you." Her lips grazed the shell of Rachel's ear and a smug grin formed on her face when she saw the way the diva shivered at the contact. Quinn pulled out the chair for Rachel to sit in before she took her own seat.

It wasn't until then that she realised how furiously her heart was racing, her hands were trembling and she could feel cold sweat on the back of her neck and thighs. _What if she says no? What if she breaks up with me? Oh god, what if she actually says _yes_? _Quinn's eyes widened at her thoughts she hadn't fully thought this through, she hadn't thought about how this could affect their relationship in the long run and she hadn't realised how scared she was that Rachel would actually say yes. It wasn't that she didn't want to marry the brunette because _hell_ did she want to, it was all she had thought about since the first time she had met the annoying diva – not that she would tell anyone that – but she was scared that things would get serious, they would have a family and then she would ruin everything and break Rachel's heart. Quinn had seen how broken Santana and Brittany had been and she didn't think she could cope like they did, she wasn't strong enough, maybe Rachel was but she would never do anything intentionally to hurt her.

"Quinn, Are you okay?" Rachel reached across the table and removed the hands that were covering her girlfriends beautiful face to reveal a pale complexion, hazy eyes and a fine layer of sweat on her forehead. "Are you ill? Do you want to leave?" Rachel asked panicked. She didn't want Quinn to sit through a dinner when she was ill.

"No, I'm fine." Quinn smiled sweetly at her girlfriends worry. "I just want to sit and have a nice romantic dinner with you." She laced her fingers with Rachel's and gave her hand a soft squeeze for reassurance. Rachel nodded before she looked back down at her menu.

"Okay, I can't take it anymore. Tell me." Santana placed the empty bottle back into the bag and lay down so her head was in Brittany's lap. Her bare feet were resting on the sand just inches away from the surf, she air was still warm but the sun was minutes away from setting so she let Brittany pull the blanket up over them.

"You have absolutely no patience." Brittany giggled, her fingers racked through dark locks while the other hand was linked with one of Santana's.

"One of the reasons you love me." Santana shrugged with a cocky grin.

"One of the many, _many_ reasons." Brittany nodded in agreement; she blushed at the adoring look Santana sent her. "Are you sure you want me to tell you now?" the blonde asked seriously, she loved the way Santana gulped and then nodded. Maybe she was being mean teasing the Latina like this but she couldn't help it. "Do you want the good news first or the bad news?"

Santana shot up into an upright position. "The bad news…" she couldn't tell if Brittany was teasing her or not, the blonde had gotten too good at this. Had something seriously bad happened? Was it something to do with Brittany's parents? Was Brittany ill? That final thought made Santana feel sick to the stomach and her hands reached out to take Brittany's.

"Okay, well I'm going to have to sell the apartment in New York."

Santana's jaw dropped, there was so many emotions racing through her, happiness because Brittany wasn't ill, shock because they'd loved that place when they first moved in and then confusion because why? Why would Brittany sell their apartment? Well, not theirs anymore… "Why?" her voice came out horse but she didn't care.

"Well that's the good news…" Brittany trailed off suddenly feeling _very_ nervous. This was where things got hard, she could either scare Santana off, make things really awkward or everything could turn out great. "Um well, you know how Kristen was going to be opening that new dance studio over here…?" at that woman's name both Brittany and Santana's thoughts turned bitter at so many different memories. "Well Rachel and I called her the other day and well we both decided that Kristen is better off in New York and well I'm better off over here…"

A huge shit eating grin split Santana's face when she realised where Brittany was going with this. Her heart grew in size and she had to clap her mouth shut to keep herself from squealing like a six year old because Santana Lopez doesn't _squeal_…

"So I signed the contract today." She pulled out a few sheets of paper from her back pocket and held them up like the Latina needed proof. "Santana, I've got my own dance studio." The smile that formed on Brittany's face brought tears to Santana's eyes. She loved that smile. She loved how happy Brittany looked. She loved that Brittany wouldn't have to go back to New York. But most of all she just love Brittany.

It was then that Santana unclamped her mouth and that embarrassingly loud squeal let itself out as she threw herself at the blonde.

"So that means I'll be moving here, but I'll have to go back tomorrow with Quinn and Rachel to sort things out you know? Get all my things and bring them back to be with you..." Brittany paused when she realised what she'd implied. "I mean, I can find my own place, you could help me look. Or I could I don't know, I… I…" she began to stutter when she realised Santana was staring at her. "What are you looking at me like that for?" Brittany asked nervously.

"I wanted to talk to you tonight about something important." Brittany's heart stopped and her stomach dropped. _Oh god, she's going to tell me she doesn't want me here…_ "I was going to ask you to move in with me, I don't want to be apart from you ever again, Brittany… I want to settle down with you, I want to have a home filled with little you's and maybe like one little me because as much as I love myself I know I'm a bitch and I don't know what would happen if there was more than two of me… so all the little you'd can keep the little me from trouble and we can get married and just be happy. Or we don't even have to have any of that because I'd be happy just with you." She laughed nervously when she realised she'd been rambling for a good thirty seconds and Brittany was smiling at her adorably. "Yeah… just you and I would make me the happiest person on this planet."

"You know what I think of that?" Brittany leaned forward and cupped Santana's cheeks in her hands. "I think that sounds perfect and I would love to live with you and have a bunch of mini me's and you's."

"Yeah?" Santana closed the distance and let their lips meet in a sweet kiss.

"Yeah." Brittany pushed Santana back down onto the blanket and they both began to get lost in between kisses and 'I love you's'. Never in a million years had Santana been this happy. Soon Quinn and Rachel would be moving over here too and things could go back to how they were, maybe they would change but she knew everything would be okay; everything would be perfect as long as she had the people she loved around her.

"Quinn, what's wrong? You've been acting weird all night." Rachel wiped her mouth with her napkin and then placed it down on her now empty plate. The blonde looked up from her half eaten food nervously and attempted a smile.

"Nothing, sweaty. I'm… fine." She was a terrible liar and Rachel could see right through it. She knew the diva wouldn't stop until she got the answer she wanted but she'd already planned it out, she was going to wait until after desert to do it… "Nothing's wrong." She said again this time with even less certainty.

"Lucy Quinn Fabrey. You tell me what's wrong right now." Rachel demanded with an adorable stomp of her foot.

"You're perfect you know that?" Quinn whispered in awe of her girlfriend and hopefully future fiancé. "And don't call me Lucy." The corner of her mouth curled up into a smile and for the first time all night her nerves were gone, everything seemed clear and she knew this was the right time. "Okay…" She let her shoulders relax and she reached into her purse to pull out a red velvet box.

A sharp inhale and a gasp came from the opposite side of the table and Quinn looked up at Rachel whose eyes were wider than golf balls, her hand was covering her mouth and tears were beginning to form. The blonde stood from her seat and walked round the table towards Rachel before she got down on one knee and opened the box to reveal the most beautiful ring Rachel had ever seen in her life.

"Rachel Barbra Berry," she could feel a dozen eyes on the back of her head and suddenly all of those nerves were back. She gulped and did her best to calm her racing heart because she knew how Rachel loved attention and she knew how she loved everything romantic. "You're the most annoyingly perfect human being I have ever met; you're amazingly talented and unbelievably beautiful and ever since the first day I laid eyes on you – walking down that corridor with your ridiculously short skirts, knee high socks and knitted sweater - I knew I just had to have you."

Quinn's voice was shaking with nerves, her hands were trembling and the box she was holding was bouncing around all over the place. Rachel couldn't believe what she was hearing, sure they'd talked about getting married but she didn't think that would happen until way into the future.

"I used to be that bitchy cheerleader that would spend her day making others day's hell including yours and for that I am so deeply sorry. But the day I started listening to my feelings instead of closing them behind those walls was the day you changed me for the better, you still are because my feelings keep on growling and will never stop." Quinn reached up and wiped away the tears that were dripping from Rachel's jaw. "So, Rachel Barbra Berry, I will spend the rest of my life loving you and making you happy, I'll show you how much you make my life complete… if you let me?" Quinn's eyes were pleading and full of intensity as she asked her final question. "Will you marry me?"

The room seamed to fall dead silent, the air became heavy and time seamed to stop as Rachel stared down at the ring in Quinn's hands. Her eyes trailed up to meet hazel and she knew the answer straight away. She could never have a life without this blonde.

Never.

Rachel began to shake her head and Quinn was about to die from heart break, fear that Rachel was saying no raced through her and a stream of tears began to fall from her eyes but then a smile pulled at the diva's lips until it was a face splitting grin. Quinn's heart jumped out of her chest, raced around the room did a few flips and then slammed back into her chest; well that's what it felt like.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, I will marry you." That's all Quinn heard, the cheers from the other customers in the restaurant were none existent, her own sobs were silent all she could hear was Rachel everything was Rachel. She climbed to her feet and slipped the ring onto the brunette's hand before she pulled Rachel into her and slammed their lips together. "I love you so much, Rachel. So much."

Rachel didn't care that the blonde was soaking her dress with her tears; she was too happy to care and only pulled Quinn harder against her. "I love you, too, Quinn Fabrey."

"Help me, Britt-Britt." Santana pouted as she threw another stone at the crashing waves, the pout only grew when the stone didn't bounce off of the water. The sun had fully set now, heavy clouds were looming overhead and there was no doubt in Santana mind that it was going to start pouring down.

Brittany chuckled at the sight and wiped the wet hair out of her face before she walked over to her girlfriend who was only clad in her underwear, skinny dipping in freezing water was definitely worth it if she got to see the Latina like that. "C'mere." She pulled Santana's back into her front and trailed her hand excruciatingly slowly down that Latina's arm until she met her hand. "You have to hold it like this." She tilted Santana's hand and moved it in the appropriate motion. "No stand like this so you can get the power into it." she nudged Santana's knees apart with her own, her mouth was ghosting over the brunette's ear, her breath almost scorching her skin as she whispered her instructions. "And… throw." She brought Santana's hand backwards and then let go as the shorter woman threw the stone at the waves. Brittany felt her tense against her chest as she waited for the stone to skim the water.

"I did it! It bounced! Did you see, Britt?" Santana cheered when the stone reappeared then disappeared completely. Okay so what if it skimmed once? That's one more than she's ever had before.

"I did, baby. You're a natural." Brittany whispered, her words were laced with pure adoration but she couldn't help it, she was just so in love and happy that she didn't want this night to end. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Santana turned round to kiss the blonde just as a crack of thunder shuddered through the sky followed by a blinding flash. Brittany flinched but made no move to run for the car. "Britt, you okay?" Santana asked with a raised brow, never in all the time she had known Brittany had the blonde not reacted badly to a thunder storm. Rain started to pour down and in less than five seconds they were completely soaked.

"I'm fine. Just… just don't let go okay?" Santana nodded straight away and pulled Brittany closer.

"We can go back to the car…?" she offered quietly but Brittany just shook her head.

"I don't want to move, everything's been so perfect I don't want to ruin it." Brittany leaned closer so that their lips were inches apart. "Kiss me, San." She pleaded but the Latina tilted her head to the side like a lost puppy. "Kiss me in the rain." She clarified and like that Santana knew what Brittany was talking about, they were going to complete the list well everything but one, and that could wait for another day.

Their lips slipped together easily, their bodies melded into one and the heat formed between them. Everything was perfect, the world around them was perfect and their lives couldn't get any better than they were right now. Neither girl could wait to spend the rest of their lives together; everything had worked out for the better. They had gone through so much pain, so much heart break and disaster but know everything was okay, amazing in fact.


End file.
